Control vs. Spontaneity: The Path to Self-Acceptance

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Coaching/Creativity/Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Relationships/Shadow Life

YouTube player — **This article is based on a transcript of this video from my Youtube channel.**

Reclaiming the ‘old’ you so that you can grow into the REAL you.

In this article, we’re diving into the delicate balance between control and spontaneity—a theme that frequently emerges in my coaching sessions. Many people, perhaps unknowingly, have silenced their spontaneous selves because past experiences taught them that letting loose could lead to ‘trouble’. This usually happens when spontaneity lacks balance, resulting in behaviours that are too extreme: overly hedonistic, excessively emotional, or even too innocent. Instead of recalibrating these traits, people often feel ashamed and go to great lengths to suppress them.

Over time, this suppression leads to a sense that something vital is missing. These qualities are real aspects of who we are, and the solution isn’t to bury them but to master and channel them toward our goals – by cutting off these parts of ourselves, we disconnect from our authentic selves, leading to feelings of shame, restlessness, and an unshakeable void.

This article explores the pattern of swinging from spontaneity to excessive control and the consequences of doing so. The goal here is to help you understand that the real parts of you are always real, and by balancing them instead of eliminating them, you can reclaim your path to being who you truly are in your REALNESS. At the core, this is about self-acceptance—acknowledging the parts of yourself that you’ve sent into hiding.

We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve disowned, often due to external shame imposed by parents, teachers, or society. But when it comes to our own spontaneity, the dynamic is slightly different:

The fear of these qualities getting us into trouble is usually self-imposed, stemming from a lack of trust in ourselves. We’re afraid that if we continue to express these parts, we’ll lose control, so we build rigid structures to keep them at bay.

This fear creates a prison, locking away our true selves. The way out is to recognize that this fear is unfounded. We always have the ability to control and direct our actions in a healthy way. By embracing and accepting these spontaneous qualities, we can decide how to express them constructively.

This is a common struggle that many people face. They disown their real selves, create a false identity, and interact with the world in a controlled, rigid manner. This often leads to relationships where true intimacy is absent, as the relationship becomes more about maintaining control than genuine connection. The same applies to careers and other areas of life, where we may find ourselves in roles that don’t align with our true selves because we’re out-of-touch with our own realness.

Reconnecting to your SHADOW is the path to your REAL life.

Reconnecting with these disowned parts and finding a balance between control and spontaneity is essential for living a fulfilling and authentic life.

When we go out into the world in an inauthentic, unreal way, we inevitably attract inauthentic experiences. This leads to a self-perpetuating cycle where life becomes increasingly disconnected from reality. Eventually, something snaps, forcing the real parts of us to surface—whether it’s through a midlife crisis, a breakup, an illness, or some other life-altering event. The real self always emerges, so it’s better to face it sooner rather than later.

This struggle is something I’ve experienced first-hand:

There was a time when I lived as an unrestrained, hedonistic version of myself—wild, reckless, and completely undisciplined. I partied excessively, engaged in risky behaviours, and lived without any regard for self-control or discipline. This lifestyle led to various problems, including health issues and a sense that my life was spiralling out of control. I saw myself as a comet, blazing through life with no clear direction—destined to burn out eventually. And that’s exactly what happened. When I crashed back to earth, I had to rebuild my life from the ground up.

In response, I swung to the opposite extreme, becoming highly disciplined and controlling. I adopted a strict routine, monitored everything I ate, and lived with rigid self-imposed rules. While this approach brought order to my life, it also drained the joy from it. I was driven by the fear that if I didn’t maintain this control, I’d revert to my old, chaotic ways and lose everything I’d worked to regain. The pendulum had swung from one extreme to the other.

This journey from extreme spontaneity to extreme control is not uncommon. Often, we need to experience both ends of the spectrum to find a balance. In my coaching practice, I see this frequently. Some people come to me in a state of total spontaneity—they lack discipline, structure, routine, goals, and vision. For them, the path to balance involves introducing more control into their lives, establishing routines, and setting clear goals.

On the flip side, others come to me exhausted from living a life of rigid control. They’ve become control freaks, suppressing their authentic selves and those around them to maintain order. For these individuals, the solution is to let go, embrace spontaneity, and allow themselves to experience life more freely.

Balancing control and spontaneity – tension and release – is the key to a fulfilling life.

Finding this balance between control and spontaneity is crucial for living an authentic, fulfilling life. It’s about recognizing where you are on this spectrum and taking the necessary steps to bring yourself back to centre.

Navigating the shift between spontaneity and control can be complex. In this article, we’re focusing on those moments when an overindulgence in spontaneity leads to a swing towards excessive control.

This was my own experience: I began with a wildly spontaneous lifestyle that was exhilarating but ultimately led to chaos. I was running away from unresolved issues from my childhood, driven by shame and a lack of direction. This period of unrestrained spontaneity eventually led to me crashing and burning, and I found myself transitioning into a phase of extreme control and rigidity.

Through this journey, I learned the importance of balancing these extremes. I discovered that true happiness and authenticity come from integrating the spontaneous parts of ourselves in a controlled manner, rather than suppressing them entirely. Many people end up stuck in this controlling phase because their spontaneity once caused problems, leading them to overcompensate. However, remaining in a state of rigid control can be equally stifling, preventing true self-expression and growth. It creates a bubble of the ego that keeps our genuine qualities at a distance.

Finding balance means bringing those real parts of ourselves back to the surface without letting them overpower us. Through periods of control, we learn self-mastery, which allows us to respond to our inner selves constructively rather than merely reacting or engaging in unchecked spontaneity.

This pattern is quite common. For example, many women who become controlling have a past of rebellious or hedonistic behaviour. They might now be living a quiet, domesticated life, trying to fit into a role like the perfect housewife. This role can act as a cage, suppressing the real qualities they previously expressed. Consequently, they may feel a sense of emptiness.

Conversely, some men who were once very violent or involved in risky behaviours may become overly reserved and controlling later in life. They fear reconnecting with their anger, worried it will lead to aggressive actions or trouble. This fear of their own anger can cause them to become excessively controlled, avoiding their true emotions.

Regardless of gender, it’s crucial to own and accept all aspects of ourselves—whether it’s anger, joy, spontaneity, or sexual energy. These qualities are essential for a healthy and authentic life. By learning to tame these qualities – much like one might tame a wild horse – we can direct them in a positive way. If we merely deny their existence, playing a passive role or adhering to a constrictive identity, we’ll remain trapped and unhappy.

In summary, embracing and balancing both spontaneity and control allows us to live more fully and authentically. It’s about integrating the diverse aspects of ourselves and finding a harmonious way to express them.

Many people feel stuck because they’ve built rigid control structures around themselves, which creates inner friction. This friction, if left unaddressed, often escalates into frustration and eventually misery. The root of this problem is the internal battle to keep genuine aspects of ourselves at bay rather than embracing and balancing them.

To move forward and align with your true self, it’s essential to address this friction by finding a balance between spontaneity and control. The goal is to express yourself authentically in a healthy, balanced way, rather than swinging between chaotic spontaneity and restrictive control.

Achieving this balance involves several steps (as does any transformational journey – all of these steps come into play whenever I’m coaching people):

Awareness: Start by becoming aware of the aspects of yourself that you’re avoiding out of fear. Recognise that you won’t lose control if you confront these qualities; in fact, you’re already in control of yourself. It’s the lack of direction and purpose that can make these qualities overpower you.
Acceptance: Accept these parts of yourself instead of hiding from them. By acknowledging them, you build a solid foundation upon which you can build a more authentic life.
Action: Take action based on a clear vision or purpose. Without direction, you risk becoming too spontaneous and disorganised, which can lead to a lack of focus and control. Conversely, without spontaneity, life can feel dull and overly rigid. Having a vision helps you channel these qualities constructively, using them as fuel for your goals rather than letting them control you.

The key to balancing control and spontaneity lies in developing what can be termed as “controlled spontaneity” (from my book Shadow Life).

This means integrating spontaneity within the framework of your vision and goals. You remain flexible and open to life’s unfolding events while ensuring that your actions are aligned with your larger objectives.

In essence, you want to embrace life’s spontaneity and the genuine qualities within you while steering them purposefully towards your vision. Think of it as surfing the waves of reality—maintaining a sense of direction while enjoying the ride. By achieving this balance, you create a fulfilling and dynamic life that honours both your spontaneous energy and your need for control.

Finding balance means embracing and channelling the qualities within you to support your goals. For instance, in my own journey, I spent years living a hedonistic and spontaneous lifestyle. It was exhilarating, but it also led to significant challenges. The key takeaway is that you don’t have to entirely abandon your spontaneity or the traits that make you who you are. In fact, spontaneity is a natural and vital part of being REAL.

To live authentically, you need both structure and spontaneity. It’s not about completely eliminating one in favour of the other but integrating them in a way that aligns with your vision.

Here’s how you can do that:

Maintain Spontaneity Within Structure: It’s essential to have routines and structure in your life, but this doesn’t mean you have to suppress your spontaneous side. For example, if you previously enjoyed partying or expressing strong sexual energy, you don’t need to give that up entirely. Instead, channel those energies within the context of your goals. If you’re in a stable relationship, find ways to express your sexuality more meaningfully within that relationship, for example.
Find Healthy Outlets: If you have strong emotions like anger, don’t shy away from them. Instead, find productive ways to channel them. This could mean engaging in physical activities like MMA or using anger as motivation to drive you towards your vision. Anger, when directed healthily, can be a powerful force for change and growth.
Embrace the Moment: Living spontaneously means engaging with life as it unfolds rather than merely theorising or planning. Practice being in the moment, allowing yourself to interact with life dynamically while maintaining your core structure and routines. Know what results you want but once you’ve figured that out stay outcome-independent and live by focusing on the PROCESS.

Ultimately, balance is about integrating spontaneity and structure in a way that enhances your journey toward your goals. By embracing and directing these qualities within a structured framework, you can live authentically and effectively.

Anger has been described as “the dignity emotion.” It serves as a protective force, helping you maintain boundaries, safeguard your peace, and defend those you care about. When you’re disconnected from this powerful emotion, it can hinder your ability to achieve your goals, particularly if your vision involves doing your best for yourself and your loved ones.

To achieve balance, you must first acknowledge and accept your emotions, including anger. Then, consider how these emotions fit within the context of who you want to be. The real issue arises when we lack a clear vision and allow our emotions to dictate our actions, rather than guiding them purposefully.

Balancing spontaneity and control is crucial. Excessive spontaneity can lead to instability and disruption, while excessive control can create a sense of emptiness. The key is to understand what balance looks like for you, given your true self and your aspirations.

To move forward in a REAL way:

Acknowledge Your True Self: Embrace all aspects of yourself without fear or suppression. Recognise that these qualities are part of who you are and can be harnessed constructively.
Define Your Vision: Establish a clear vision based on your core values. This vision should come from a place of wholeness and realness, rather than ego reinforcement and fragmentation. It will guide you in integrating your genuine qualities in a meaningful way.
Channel Your Qualities: Use your emotions and traits as fuel for your vision. By aligning your actions with your values and goals, you can ensure that your spontaneity and control work together harmoniously.

For further guidance, I offer resources on my website, olianderson.co.uk, including a free course designed to help you clarify your vision and values – the Personality Transplant. If you’d like to explore these concepts further, you can also book a free initial call with me. I’m passionate about helping individuals break through their obstacles and align with their own REALNESS.

Thank you for reading. I hope this article has provided clarity on balancing spontaneity and control. Remember, embracing your authentic self and integrating your emotions thoughtfully is key to personal growth and fulfilment.

Stay real, find your balance, and peace to you.

Create Your REALEST Morning Routine (Pick n Mix Generator)

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Coaching/Creativity/Life Philosophy

Oh, hi there.

I hope you’re feeling REAL today and that life is moving in the way you want it to? If not, then book a call with me.

In this quick article, I want to give you a ‘Pick and Mix’ approach to creating a MORNING ROUTINE that will help you to keep growing real if you’re consistent with it and that will set the tone and shape of your day so you can make every day count (time sure does fly by, after all).

In my own life, my own morning routine adds so much structure, stability and growth and – often, not always – when I’m working with coaching clients, ‘installing’ a routine in the early days of the transformational journey is one of the best and most effective ways to start getting results but – more importantly – to start reconfiguring the unconscious blocks and assumptions that may be holding them back.

My own routine is really simple:

Do some basic yoga stretches depending on what my intuition tells me I need (main focus is to wake my spine up and get the blood flowing).
Do my Sun Salutations (Surya Namaskar B for five rounds).
Do some High Intensity Interval Training (only 5 – 10 minutes)
Meditate.
Journal and plan my goals for the day (surprise, surprise – I use my Flow Builder)
Write (currently working on a new book called ‘Trust’)

I have other habits throughout the day (another article maybe) and I do my main workout in the afternoon/evening but this is a simple but effective routine that gets my blood flowing, wakes me up, and sets the tone of the day.

It’s also FUN – and remember: “IF IT AIN’T FUN YOU WON’T GET IT DONE” (sounds better in real life when you rhyme “fun” and “done”).

The results of a good morning routine also COMPOUND on themselves day by day as my general fitness keeps getting better, I have continuity of action from one-day-to the next (by checking in with goals etc., and that book keeps growing before my very eyes because I’m consistent with it.

**The three core functions of a Morning Routine for REALNESS.**

In my view, there are 3 things that we need from our morning routine to make it effective (and it doesn’t have to be complicated:

Wake up the body: When we first wake up we’re often tight and dehydrated and so what we need is something that kicks us physically into gear.
Quieten the mind and emotions to find PRESENCE: The tone that we set in the morning affects our whole day – in my view, the best tone to set is that of being fully PRESENT. Getting in our body helps with this (as body = breath and breath = presence) but there are other things we can do to calm our mind and emotions (like journaling etc.).
Plan direction for the day ahead: Ensuring that we use our presence to focus on the ACTION that will make a difference and take us where we want to be (towards our realest VISION for our lives).

If you can build these three things into your morning routine – even just five minutes of each – then I can pretty much guarantee your quality of life will improve over time (but you gotta be disciplined, consistent, and focused).

Here’s a ‘Pick ‘n’ Mix’ list to get you started (you can do as many or as few as you like – 1 of each is good, 2 of each is great, 3 or more of each is BEASTY):

Morning Routine #1: Wake Up the Body

Stretching routine: Perform basic stretches focusing on the neck, shoulders, back, and legs.

Jumping jacks: Do 100 jumping jacks to get your heart rate up.

Sun Salutations: Complete 5 rounds of Sun Salutations (Surya Namaskar A/B/C).

Push-ups: Do a set of push-ups, aiming for 2-3 sets of 10-20 reps. Studies have shown if you can do 40 push-ups then your risk of heart disease goes down drastically.

Dance to your favourite song: Put on an energetic song and dance like a maniac. Get out of your mind and into your body.

Quick walk outside: Take a brisk 10-minute walk around your neighbourhood.

Yoga poses: Practice 2-3 yoga poses like Downward Dog, Child’s Pose, and Warrior I.

High knees: Perform high knees for 1-2 minutes, rest, and repeat.

Bodyweight squats: Complete 2-3 sets of 15-20 bodyweight squats.

Get marching: March in place or around your living room for 5 minutes.

Foam rolling: Use a foam roller to massage your back, legs, and shoulders (I have this thing called a ‘Rumble Roller’ and it’s GODLY.

Balance exercises: Stand on one leg for 30 seconds each side, repeating 3 times.

Plank hold: Hold a plank position for 1-2 minutes, resting as needed.

Calf raises: Do 2-3 sets of 15-20 calf raises.

Breathwork with movement: Inhale while reaching arms up, exhale while folding forward (repeat as long as you like).

Leg swings: Swing each leg forward and backward for 1 minute each.

Side bends: Perform side bends, reaching your arms overhead and bending at the waist.

Dynamic stretching: Engage in dynamic stretches like arm circles and leg swings.

Qigong: Do some Qigong by following a YouTube video or learning a flow.

Skipping rope: Skip rope for 2-3 minutes, rest, and repeat.

Mountain climbers: Perform mountain climbers for 1-2 minutes.

Hip bridges: Do 2-3 sets of 10-15 hip bridges.

Toe touches: Stand and alternate touching your toes with opposite hands.

Jump squats: Do 2-3 sets of 10 jump squats.

Walking lunges: Perform walking lunges for 5 minutes.

Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and relax each muscle group from head to toe.

Morning Routine #2: Quieten the Mind and Emotions and Find Presence

Deep breathing exercises: Practice slow, deep breathing for 5-10 minutes (use some of the techniques discussed in previous emails like 4-7-8 breathing).

Gratitude journaling: Write down 5 things you’re grateful for and why. Really get into feeling that gratitude feeling.

Meditation: Sit quietly and focus on your breath for 5-10 minutes.

Mindful drinking: Sip a cup of tea or water slowly, noticing the sensations.

Guided visualisation: Visualise a peaceful place or a positive outcome for your day. Get into the feeling that it’s already happened.

Affirmations: Repeat positive affirmations to yourself and remind yourself how you want to show up in a REAL way.

Mindful listening: Listen to calming music or sounds of nature with full attention.

5-minute body scan: Mentally scan your body from head to toe, noticing any tension.

Morning Pages: Spend 5-10 minutes just writing whatever needs to pour out of you. This can help you make the unconscious conscious and see what you really think.

Breath counting: Count your breaths up to 10, then start over.

Mindful walking: Walk slowly and pay attention to each step and your surroundings. See what thoughts and feelings come up to be processed.

Journaling: Write about a specific issue or problem you’re dealing with and see if you can gain some clarity.

Grounding exercise: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste to ground yourself in the present moment.

Self-inquiry: Ask yourself a awareness-raising question like “What do I need most right now?” or “What’s truly important today?” and write down your thoughts.

Emotional check-in: Pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” and name your emotions without trying to change them.

Focus on an object: Choose an object and observe it closely for 5-10 minutes.

Breathing with intention: Inhale peace, exhale stress, and repeat.

Morning mantra: Create a personal mantra and repeat it to set a positive tone.

Chanting: Chant a soothing sound or mantra to calm your mind.

Observe nature: Look out the window or step outside and observe nature for a few minutes.

Silent reflection: Sit in silence and let your mind wander gently for a few minutes.

Brain dump: Write down all the tasks, ideas, and worries on your mind.

Morning Routine #3: Plan Direction for the Day Ahead

Review your to-do list: Go over your tasks for the day and prioritise them. Carry over any items that didn’t get done the day before.

Set daily intentions: Write down 1-3 POWERFUL intentions or goals for the day.

Time blocking: Allocate specific times for your key tasks or activities.

Visualize your day: Mentally walk through your day and see yourself completing tasks.

Create a mini-schedule: Write out a rough schedule for your day.

Identify top 3 priorities: Decide on the top 3 things you want to accomplish and make a promise to yourself to get it done.

Prepare a quick breakfast plan: Decide on your meals/snacks for the day.

Send a quick positive message: Text or email someone to set a positive tone for the day and keep relationships flowing.

Read a motivational quote: Find and reflect on a quote that inspires you.

Mind map your day: Create a quick mind map to organise your thoughts and tasks.

Set a challenge or Stretch Goal: Choose one challenge to accomplish by the end of the day.

Review your vision: Look over your short and long-term goals to align your day with your vision.

All of these things will add value to your life and get you ready for the day ahead – of course, you can change things up as often as you like…the important thing is to wake up the body, find that presence, and get ready to take ACTION (that’s the only thing that gets you where you’re going, after all)!

Hope this helps and stay real out there,

P.S. This article was originally an email that got send out on my mailing list but it got some great feedback so I thought I’d share it on here too.

Sexual Transmutation and Vision: Harnessing Your Inner Fire

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Creativity/Life Philosophy/Mindset/Relationships/Shadow Life

The transmutation of sexual creative energy for REALNESS in life and relationships.

Oh, hi there.

In this short article we’re going to explore the idea of sexual alchemisation or transmutation – what it is and what you can do to make the most of it.

Now, that might sound really pretentious, and quite grandiloquent, but all it really means is that you take your energy, which can be either ‘negative’ or ‘positive’, and you ultimately transmute or transform it so that the energy becomes something that is going to carry you where you need to be in life.

Now, you can actually do this with any kind of emotional, energetic thing that’s going on inside you, but it means that you have to work with it in a REAL way (surprise, surprise – REAL ALWAYS WORKS) – it also means that you need to know where you’re going to be directing those energetic impulses and instincts and so on in the first place.

I’ve seen a lot of people make the mistake of trying to be really mindful, shall we say, with their emotional ‘stuff’, but actually, they don’t have anywhere to send it – so it just ends up causing more problems, because it just ends up ricocheting within their experience of themselves, causing inner friction, and then stopping them from moving forward, because it just exacerbates all of the emotional problems and bullshit and stuff that they got going on inside.

In other words:

Unless we learn to control our creative/sexual energy by channelling it into something real, then it becomes DESTRUCTIVE.

Anyway, a really simple example of what I’m talking about is the idea of sexual transmutation.

Now, “sexual transmutation” really sounds kind of esoteric if you’re not familiar with the term, but all it means is that you hold your sexual energy and you learn to control your sexual energy and to direct your sexual energy so that it doesn’t end up ruining your life.

And all that means, ultimately, is that instead of reacting to it, instead of reacting to any horny impulse or urge that arises within you, you actually learn to kind of stop and to be mindful and, to respond to what’s going on inside of you in relation to how you want the outside of you to eventually look.

Now, I do this all the time in my own life. I’ve been doing this for about ten years. The way that it shows up for me just means that I don’t really jerk off – sorry if that’s too much information for some of you, but, basically, that just means I don’t jerk off, don’t look at porn, any of that stuff.

Instead, I just hold my energy until I’m actually having sex with another human being. Or – if I’m not – well, I’m using that energy as a kind of electric undercurrent, which I direct into all of the things that I’m doing in my life so that I can be more creative, more energetic, more buzzed up, and feel more alive as I’m moving forward and getting where I want to be.

I really think and have found that saving and working with our sexual energy allows us to live in alignment with the unforced rhythms of life itself and to work with it, instead of against it.

Because, actually, one mistake that I think a lot of people make when it comes to these ideas is that they try to control their energy, but they don’t really have a plan for where it’s going – and that makes it a lot harder for them, like I think said, because it just ends up causing you to have all this inner friction and this inner resistance, because you’re just holding all of this ‘stuff’ inside you and you don’t have an outlet for it (this is because we fear the energy and so we hold it without using it).

In other words, once again, without a creative outlet, your energy will destroy your life.

And so, eventually, you’re just going to drive yourself mad and probably fail in your endeavour to hold on to the sexual energy in the first place.

Of course, you can’t literally hold onto it because it’s always moving. And that’s why you need to do something with it. You need to create something.

And, ultimately, all I want to say here is that you can make life a million times easier and more REAL for yourself if you’re trying to transmute any of the energy inside you – and it doesn’t just have to be sexual stuff:

It can be your anger; it can be your aggression; it can be your drive – i.e. your natural drive to be alive and to experience things. All of these things and more are in there calling to you and trying to direct your life.

If you stop and pause and treat it as a kind of wild horse that needs to be tamed so you can then ride it wherever you need to be, if you can do that, then you will actually grow as a person exponentially.

Not only will you grow REAL but your life will be a lot better as well, because you’re not just a slave to your body and your drives. You’re taking them where you want to go.

Two Paths to Sexual Transmutation: Vision & Intimacy

There are two ways that you can direct the energy:

One is that you direct it into your life in the way that I was kind of talking about – that just means you do all the stuff I’ve talked about a million times already on this website and in my books, or in my free course, the Personality Transplant for Realness & Life Purpose, which is that you create a vision for yourself, then you break it down into goals, then you break it down into habits, and then – every day – you’re transmuting your energy into the structure that you build around this.

When you do this you’ll find yourself seeing things grow over time and the creative sexual energy is being used as something that serves your life, not just something that pops up in your life, randomly here and there, and which takes you off the path that you want to be on.

So that’s one way, right? You have a vision, and you move yourself towards it through inspired action day-after-day.

There is one little caveat which is this: you can’t just choose a random vision. You have to kind of go through a process of raising Awareness of who you are, what you truly value, and what you’re all about, how life works, all that stuff.

Accepting yourself unconditionally and then taking inspired Action are the next steps after this Awareness raising (Awareness, Acceptance, and Action works every time).

You don’t just want to take action for the sake of it, because that becomes a distraction – it needs to be inspired action, which means it’s real to you, and it’s going to allow you to move towards wholeness.

Another way of describing the process of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action is that first you need to deconstruct your ego ‘stuff’ (Awareness).

This just means that you look at your identity and how it’s holding you back. If you want to do that, check out the course I just mentioned, the Personality Transplant. Or check out my book, Personal Revolutions, which is about deconstructing the ego in great detail.

The second step – after you’ve kind of looked at your ego stuff and how that is affecting you – is to see what parts of yourself the ego has been hiding from view.

What we’re talking about here is about Integrating the Shadow Self – the way that this works is you get shamed when you’re younger, or you may feel guilty or traumatised, whatever, and then you create this little box to live in as a reaction to that, the ego.

But when you do that, you disown so many parts of yourself, and you need to bring those parts up and start facing them and accepting them unconditionally before you create a vision for your life if you want that vision to be REAL.

The goals is to bring the Shadow Self to the surface as much as possible and start accepting yourself and life unconditionally – only then you can start designing and building and manifesting (if you want to do that), or creating, a vision for yourself about where you want to go.

If you create the vision before doing those other two steps (Deconstructing Ego/ Awareness & Integrating Shadow/Acceptance), you’re probably going to be chasing something that’s not real, that’s not authentic to you.

And so, they’re three really important steps: Deconstruct Ego, Integrate Shadow, Build a REAL Life.

Either way, you need some kind of a vision, some kind of a direction to move in so that when you’ve got all this creative sexual energy boiling beneath the surface and you’re trying to channel it into your life, you know where it’s going to go – that might be the habits, it might be the goals, might be creating the vision in the sense of refining it, all that kind of stuff.

If you’re a single person or you’re not interested in other people, in an intimate way, then that is basically all you need to do – create the vision, etc.

If you’re with another person or you have other people in your life that you are interested in and you’re doing things with, well, you can channel your energy, obviously, into growing more real and more intimate with those people.

And basically what that looks like is obviously having mind blowing, amazing sex where you become one and you’re getting closer to wholeness and all that kind of stuff.

But also it means that on a daily basis, or as often as possible, you and that other person are able to take the energy that’s there and to basically play with it.

Now, how that sense of play shows up is going to be different for everybody. But what that means is that there’s a kind of undercurrent to everything you’re doing that allows you to be spontaneous and the electric charge between you allows you to stay in this process of growing whole and not being held back by all of the fragmentation and bullshit that it’s going to cause the energy to direct you instead of allowing you to direct the energy.

If you’re doing the sexual transmutation thing or you’re trying to better control your energy in general, then if you have a direction to move in, or if you have a relationship to commit to, when it comes to growing in intimacy, it will make it 100 million times easier because you’re not going to create enough friction for yourself, life is going to be awesome, and you’re going to be charged up, pumped up, and electrified.

This is basically how you transmute your sexual energy so you can flow with the rhythms of life instead of forcing your own rhythm and bringing friction, frustration, and misery.

Go get it!

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Making the Unconscious Conscious for Creativity & REAL Life.

Published on

Creativity/Life Philosophy/Shadow Life

How to Reawaken Your Creativity (By Living in a REAL Way).

Oh, hi there

This article is about reawakening your creativity. I say “reawaken” because in our natural state, we are all creative. That doesn’t mean that we’re all naturally skilled or talented – though we all have the capacity to develop skills and talents – what I actually mean when I say that we’re all naturally creative is that we all have the capacity to solve the problems in our lives.

In other words, we all have problems and limitations to deal with and can find creative ways of dealing with, them.

We also all have a natural drive towards wholeness. Wholeness means a deeper sense of connection to ourselves – by making the unconscious conscious – a deeper connection to other people by coming from a real place, and then a deeper connection to life by understanding that life keeps moving, expanding, and evolving.

And so if we want to be as real as possible, we have to tap into our creativity in order to keep being lifelike. That just means we keep moving, we keep flowing, we keep growing, and we keep becoming more connected to life.

This article, is going to be about how if you feel like your creativity is dormant, then ultimately you’re either: 1) resisting something inside yourself that is causing you to resist life, or: 2) you’re so caught up in the old way of being and seeing yourself, and seeing life because you have created a false identity for yourself,, that you stop learning because you’re filtering everything that happens to you through what you already think, you know, aka the EGO.

Living like this just causes you to kind of stagnate and to not get anywhere. And the only reason you’re stagnating and not moving and getting where you want to be is because you’ve taken yourself out of the natural process of moving towards wholeness.

So we’re going to talk about how if you put yourself back in alignment with that process, then your creativity is going to reawaken because it never went anywhere. It just kind of went into hiding because of the way you were seeing yourself and not seeing life.

So before we get too deeply into this, I want to make a distinction between the creative process that I’m talking about, which is the natural process of moving towards wholeness, that we would all be engaged in all of the time if we weren’t blocking ourselves with our own mental stuff and the more day to day kind of creativity that we associate with the word “creative” – for example, painting a picture, taking photos, writing a novel, whatever it is.

All of those creative activities are really important. And by doing the kind of things that I’m going to be talking about, in this video, you’ll find it much easier to invest your time and energy into those things. But no matter what it is that you choose to do as a creative outlet, if it’s real in the way that I’m talking about, then by using that vehicle to express yourself, you’re going to make yourself move from a state of fragmentation and disconnection to a state of wholeness.

All that means is that as you create something in whatever form you’ve chosen, the unconscious is going to become conscious. And that just means that certain parts of yourself that you may have disowned or been hiding from because of your relationship with yourself are, going to become clear.

They’re going to come surging to the surface and you’re going to find them on the page or on the canvas or in the lyrics of your songs or whatever it is. And if you struggle to be creative, it basically means – in most cases – that there is some block in your life that is stopping that process from unfolding in the way that it needs to.

We’ll go into that in a bit more detail, but the distinction I want to make is that creativity and skill and talent are interconnected but they’re different. I think that we’re all creative in the way that I’m talking about, where we have this drive towards wholeness and we can express it, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

On the other hand, if we want to be skilled or we want to be talented, then we need to work on that by being consistent, disciplined and focused and directing our energy into improving our skills.

So that’s just something I wanted to throw out, because this isn’t an article about being skilled, it’s about being creative.

The ideal state, of course, is that you have both: You’re being creative and you’re skilled. And actually, by working on your skills and going from a state of unskilled to skilled, well, you’ll grow more real in the way that I’m talking about anyway.

But ultimately, this process is about being real and aligned with nature, and the skills are kind of on top of that. So I just wanted to put that out there so you don’t think I’m going to give you some kind of a magical panacea for becoming really skilled and talented.

This is just a process of learning and growing so that you can be more creative with your skills or you’ll be less judgmental with yourself as you try to upskill in the future.

There are different levels of creativity and the REALEST level is making unconscious conscious.

One thing that might make this easier to understand is that there are different levels of creativity, and – as with anything else – you can understand this in the simplest way by looking at it in terms of either fragmentation and wholeness, ego and realness, or unreal and real.

All that means is that the deeper we go into life and the way that it works, the more real things become. And the more we move away from that, the more unreal they become.

Now, on this fancy diagram that I’ve made, I’ve broken it down so that the outer levels are, more unreal (but still real) and, the inner levels, the smaller circles, are more real. The realest level, I think, is making the unconscious conscious.

That’s the main theme of this article: that to be creative, you need to align yourself with that process so that it can keep happening in the way that it needs to, and that you can be more aligned with your own nature, and the nature of life itself.

Now, I won’t go through all these levels but, ultimately, the most unreal version is just imitation. That is ego. The ego imitates either itself and what it already thinks it knows so it doesn’t have to grow, or it imitates other things in the world that already exist. That’s the lowest level of creativity, in my opinion, because all you’re doing is copying and pasting.

Of course, it does have value. Like as Picasso said, “great artists steal” or whatever the hell he said. But ultimately, if you want to be real, you need to stop just copying other people in the world and allow yourself to see what your unconscious is trying to make conscious so that you can actually create something original that is sourced within you and from your relationship with life.

As you go through these levels, you ultimately get out of the conceptual and you get into the experiential. If people are just imitating, they may understand the concepts of what it is that they’re imitating, but on the deepest level, they don’t understand the inner experience that led to whatever that was (assuming that what was imitated wasn’t just imitated itself, and everybody’s out there just remixing and combining elements and all that kind of stuff).

The deepest level of creativity is the one that I keep talking about, like a broken record now – making the unconscious conscious – because if you can do that, then you’re going to bring up something from your own shadow that is going to allow you to be more deeply connected to yourself.

It’s also going to allow you to be more deeply connected to other people, because you’ll have a stronger foundation within yourself. Finally, you’re going to be more connected to the natural unfolding and flowing of life itself, which is the most creative thing going ultimately.

Should you find yourself incapable of being creative as you know you can be, then you have kind of forgotten that REAL ALWAYS WORKS.

That’s something that I love to say, because it’s true: Real always works.

All you really need to do is to tap into your REALNESS. And if you do that, then you’re going to be aligned with reality itself, nature itself, and, the creative impulse that we all have when that is the way we’re living.

Now, “Reality” is kind of a dirty word these days, even though it’s like one of my most overused words. And that’s because we all think that everything is relative, everything is subjective, blah, blah, blah. That’s not necessarily true.

When people say, “I have my reality”, “You have your reality” – and anything analogous to that, what they actually mean is “I have my interpretation of reality, you have your interpretation of reality, and I’m going to basically stick to what I know and feel comfortable with”.

Now, when it comes to reality itself (as opposed to our interpretations of it), nobody can argue about it because – ultimately – it’s just a bunch of natural laws that are universal and apply to every single one of us.

To keep it simple, all we really need to know about reality is two things: One, it keeps moving, and two, it’s interconnected. It’s about connection.

Everything in reality is just one big relationship, having a relationship with itself. And so, if you just take those two premises as a starting point for improving your relationship with reality, which is naturally creative, then you’re going to get much better results and your creativity is naturally going to reawaken.

One: keep growing, keep expanding, keep learning. Two: remember that everything is connected and move towards connection by choosing WHOLENESS over fragmentation (because the only thing that can stop you from being connected to yourself and the world and others is this EGO thing that we keep talking about).

And so if you do those two things, you’re going to align yourself with the natural drive that we all have towards wholeness and, as a consequence of that, your realness and your creativity are going to reawaken, and you’re going to get better results.

So, in relation to what I already said about the unconscious becoming conscious and how that is aligned with the natural unfolding of nature itself, if you live in this real way of constantly seeking growth and expansion, and constantly seeking a deeper connection to yourself, the world and reality, then you’ll have no choice but to make the unconscious conscious, which is naturally going to make you more creative.

This is because as the unconscious becomes conscious, all kinds of creative urges and impulses and intentions are going to call to you that you have to act on if you want to get to the next level of even deeper growth and expansion and deeper connection.

Now, the other reason that living in this way is so powerful is because it’s going to keep you stretching.

In coaching, we always talk about how there’s three levels. There’s the Comfort Zone, which we’ve all heard about and is essentially just the ego. In other words, we create a little box so we can stop the unconscious becoming conscious, keep hiding from our shadow and our shame and guilt and trauma – and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah – and we just filter everything that we do through our need to stay comfortable and to stay the same.

If you do that, then the natural consequence is that you are going to be blocking the unconscious becoming conscious behind conceptual ideas and bullshit – and so of course your creativity is going to be dormant because in a way, whether you know it or not, you’re actively stopping it from doing what it needs to do.

The next level is the Stretch Zone. This is where you find something that you need to do or want to do that is just going to push you a little bit beyond what you already think you know about yourself. You’re going to find what I like to call the Edge.

Being in the stretch zone feels amazing. There’s a kind of creative tension that you get when you’re there because you know where you’re going leads towards more wholeness and the vision that you may have created for that. But you’re not going so far, that you’re in the third level on this diagram, which is that you’re panicking. In other words, you found your sweetspot (and the more you live here, the higher you feel on life).

If you reach the Panic Zone, which is the third of the three – Comfort, Stretch, and Panic – then you’ve gone too far, you’re not ready to be there. And that’s why if you keep growing and trying to connect to life more deeply in a strategic way, you can stay in the Stretch Zone and always be in the sweetspot of finding the Edge (where your ego meets reality).

This is where you’re going to get the unconscious becoming conscious in a manageable, pleasurable and enjoyable way. It’s also where you’re actually going to get results because you’re not asleep in the Comfort Zone of the ego and you’re not pushing yourself too far into the Panic Zone, which again is ego not getting anywhere.

Making the unconscious conscious made practical.

To keep this really practical, I just want to give you a couple of ways in both of those areas of learning and constantly growing and expanding and connecting to yourself, the world, and reality.

On a deeper level, I want to give you some practical things that you can do so you can actually start living like this and reawaken that natural drive that I keep talking about of being connected to ourselves in such a way where the unconscious becoming conscious and we’re moving with wholeness and the flow of life – instead of trying to force everything through ego, which always kills our creativity.

Keep learning.

The first thing that you need to do, then, is you need to find a way to keep learning. If you keep learning, then you’re going to develop a growth mindset which is going to keep you aligned with the way of nature itself and your nature as a human being.

More importantly, you’re going to keep testing the assumptions that your ego and your habitual way of identifying rests upon, so that you can stretch yourself and basically evolve into the next version of who you are.

I’m not one of those guys that says we can “kill the ego”. You can’t kill something that’s unreal.

We all need an ego to survive in life, but you can keep pushing the envelope so that what you think you know is more aligned with the truth the longer that you live and the more that you keep learning, etc.

So some really practical things that you can do are simple: read more books, do more courses, talk to more people, go to new places,

Don’t just live in the same old routine day after day after day – that’s just going to cause you to stagnate. And obviously, in that state of stagnation, your ego is going to become more, impactful in your relationship with yourself and it’s going to block out any truth that may be trying to enter your life. As a consequence, that’s going to stop the unconscious becoming conscious (which is always unfolding naturally but if we block it the process gets polluted – see Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World for more). .

Basically, all I need to say is that if you can find new ways to continue learning and evolving, then you’re going to bring more truth into your life – and if you uncover the truth and live the truth, you can’t help but be real and align yourself with this thing that we’re talking about: he drive towards wholeness, where your creativity is going to come surging up.

Another vital thing that you can do to keep learning and evolving and expanding is to set goals. A lot of, creative people hate setting goals. They think that setting goals is going to somehow make them less creative. But actually, if you set goals, then it’s going to ensure – if you do it in the right way – that you’re going to challenge yourself enough to keep stretching yourself.

And by stretching yourself, the old version of the ego, which is blocking your creativity, is going to kind of dissolve and your realness is going to resurface.

Now, as long as you’re choosing goals that are REAL – and that just means that they’re going to allow you to become more of what you are, not to keep hiding behind the ego stuff – then you will keep evolving day after day.

You’ll be more aligned with the law of cause and effect and all the other laws that come with nature itself and reality itself. And by working with them to your advantage, to improve your life through conscious goal making, then you’re ultimately going to have to unblock your creativity because you’re moving.

That’s essentially all you need to know: Keep moving and you will become more real, and you’ll become more creative.

Become more connected to life.

By extension, the second thing that we all need to do if we want to be more creative – along with keep to keep growing – is to keep becoming more connected to life.

Now, the reason that connection is so important is because the ego, the thing that stops us from being as creative as we can be, is ultimately the illusion of disconnection. And if we live according to the illusion of disconnection, then we can’t align ourselves with life, where everything is connected, and it’s just systems and systems, and systems, and relationships, having relationships with themselves.

And so, if you actively work to be more connected to yourself, more connected to others, and more connected to life, and especially if you combine it with constant evolution and learning and expansion and goals in the way that I just talked about, you can’t not be creative, because by aligning yourself in this real way the unconscious is going to become conscious (because that’s just what happens when we’re real).

So how do you become more connected?

The best way to do it is to get out of your head, which is ego, and get into your body instead.

For most people, I recommend just finding some form of exercise that you love: go for a hike, do yoga (that’s the best one I’ve found). Dance around, whatever it is; find a way to get in your body.

Besides that, you need to find ways to change your perspective so that you are deeply connected to life – even when things are kind of challenging or difficult or whatever.

The standard thing there that people get told to do which works is to keep some kind of a gratitude ritual.

For me, I just write down every day I’ve got a gratitude journal. I write down ten things I’m grateful for. I write down what it is and why. So, for example, “Today I am really grateful for the trees outside, because I like looking out the window and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah”. I’m just saying that because there’s some trees over there, although I am grateful for them.

Anyway, the point is, if you have gratitude for something, there is no disconnection between you and whatever it is.

And so if you do that kind of ritual every day, you’re going to be more connected to life. That’s going to make you feel better about yourself, then because you feel better about yourself, you can have better relationships with other people – and if you combine it with a constant evolution and growth and getting in your body, you’re going to be more creative.

The other thing that you can do is meditation and all that kind of stuff. Be mindful. If you can do those kinds of practices in your life every day, then you’re going to be more connected to who you are, because you’re not going to have the little chatter, the hamster wheel of the ego, telling you that you’re disconnected – you’re going to realise you’re not totally independent from everything else, because the illusion of separation also belongs to the ego.

The combination of that one-two punch of the lifelong learning, constant evolution and growth, and, the connection to life through getting in your body, getting in your breath, and being grateful for life is going to make you more creative. It’s guaranteed.

There are different levels of creativity and the deepest level is the most natural and REAL.

So what’s been the main lesson here today?

The main lesson, ultimately, is that there are different levels of creativity and the deepest level is the most natural level but it seems kind of unnatural because we have all conditioned ourselves with mental chatter and bullshit and nonsense that we have picked up over the course of our lives. That’s caused us to become fragmented and to identify as, something other than what we are.

What we are in truth is REAL, and that means that we keep evolving and that we’re connected to life – we’re not hiding from that learning, and we’re not resisting the natural connection that is always there.

The difference between identifying as a creative person and being a creative person.

Now, the key problem in all of our lives, in almost any situation I’ve found, is the way that we identify. It’s always an identity problem that it’s causing us to distort our view of life or to resist what’s right in front of us. And, the final caveat that I want to put here in this video is that there is a difference between identifying as a creative person and, being a creative person.

If you identify as a creative person, well, that’s just the ego stuff. Especially if you’re overly attached to it because you think that ‘creativity’ is some kind of magical unicorn that’s going to solve all your problems or make you adored and give you all the love that you feel you may not be able to give yourself, or whatever it is that’s causing you to do that.

In opposition to that is what I’m talking about: being creative, being real, and all that means is that you stop thinking about what you are and you just be it – i.e. you allow it to happen and you go with it in a controlled and strategic way.

So, hopefully that’s helped. If you feel like you want to go deeper. I have a free seven day course with 158 page workbook called the 7-Day Personality Transplant System Shock For Realness and Life Purpose. Check it out.

If you want any help around these kind of issues, you can book a complementary call.

Ultimately, all I want to say is that if you keep learning and you keep connecting to yourself and life, your creativity will naturally reawaken. You actually don’t have to do anything to make it happen. It’s just a natural consequence of being real, living real, and doing the real stuff that is calling to you from the unconscious so you can make it conscious.

Live a REAL life. That’s why we’re here.

Peace,

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Unlocking Your Core Values: A Guide to Living Your REAL Life

Published on

Life Philosophy/Coaching/Creativity

What your REAL core values are and how to live them.

Let’s talk about values:

I’m a coach. Coaches love talking about values, and that’s because values are so important – if you know what your values are, you can translate them into action or – if you want to go even deeper – a sense of purpose. When you do this, your life is going to be in alignment with who you really are.

So in this article, I’m going to show you a process that you can go through so that you can figure out what your values actually are because a lot of people are actually just running around on autopilot, living out values that aren’t even theirs. They’re just values that they picked up from society or from their parents or from the government, or from aliens in outer, space or whoever the hell it is.

And so you might need to do a little bit of inner work – which sounds painful, but it isn’t – a little bit of work, let’s say, to figure out what you actually think and feel and value so that you can start to design things in a way that is going to make your life more real, you more aligned in general, and is going to allow you to go deeper into experiencing the amazing feeling of being real because you’ll have tapped into your realness and you’ll be doing something with it -instead of just running around on autopilot.

So if that sounds good, keep reading because you’re probably going to learn some stuff about yourself. And all human beings like to learn things about themselves – after all, that’s one of our defining characteristics as a species.

What are core values and how do you define them.

Here we go. So let’s begin with a definition of what core values even are like. It’s one of these words that we’ve all heard, “values, values, values”. It’s all over the place. But what the hell are values anyway?

The simplest definition that I can come up with is that ‘values’ are just things that matter to you. But when we say “things” here, we actually mean abstract, intangible qualities. We’re not talking about things like material things in the world, although you can value those things, but that doesn’t mean that they’re your values.

Actually, your values are the intangible qualities behind the things. So let’s say, for example, you’re dreaming of getting a Lamborghini. I always use that example. Maybe subconsciously I want to get a Lamborghini. I don’t have one because I’m not rich. But anyway, let’s say you want to get a Lamborghini. That is not one of your values. You can find Lamborghinis valuable, but your values are actually the thing behind your desire to get the Lamborghini.

And if you dig into it, ask yourself why, it’ll boil down to certain things like ‘freedom’ (an intangible quality). You’ve got a picture in your head of you buzzing around in this Lamborghini, driving like a maniac and listening to Limp Bizkit (that’s what I’d be doing) -and that feeling of freedom that you envisaged is actually the value that is pulling you in that direction.

Maybe as you’re driving around in this Lamborghini, people are going to be looking at you and they’re going to think you’re like an amazing, sexy, successful person. And there’s a value there probably around ‘status’ or feeling ‘significant’ or something like that – and you could go on all day looking at the goal behind the goals which is always a value and that is going to show you who you really are ultimately and what you’re actually looking for in life.

Now, the important thing here is that when you understand it’s not just about the surface level details of the things, but the abstract, intangible qualities that matter to you beneath the things that you think you are chasing, then you also have the added benefit of being able to detach from the external goal and to start building things on that real foundation of the inner qualities that you’re actually seeking.

If you realize that, “Okay, by chasing this Lamborghini and listening to Limp Bizkit and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I’m actually chasing freedom”, well, you can still decide to keep chasing the Lamborghini if you want, or you can step back and you say, “Okay, right now I don’t have enough money in my bank account to go out and buy a Lamborghini and listen to Limp Bizkit – but there are many other ways that I can bring freedom, my core value of freedom, into my life.”

And, then you can make a list. You say, “Right, okay, I’m going to go fishing on the canal right now, or I’m going to go for a hike, or I’m going to quit my job just because, why not?”

Etc. You could go on forever. But the point is, if you understand the goal behind the goals – which is always a value based thing – then the goal is still important. But you can be outcome-independent in your approach towards it. And you can also realize that there are many, many other ways for you to get the things that are truly important in your life into your life.

And that is why it’s so important to understand what values are and how you can go about bringing them into your day to day existence. So, the definition, just to keep this clear, is that your core values are intangible qualities or abstract qualities that matter to you and that are driving the goals that you are out there chasing.

Let’s keep going.

Your core values shape and colour your whole life.

This is getting interesting. So what we’ve learned so far is that our core values are very important. That’s kind of stating the obvious, because, as I said, we all know values are important. But they’re more important than we may think, actually, because they’re constantly driving the decisions that we make about our lives and what we want, the choices that we make about who we, are, how we show up, the relationships we get in, the goals that we chase, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Values basically shape and colour your whole life. And so if you’re not consciously aware of the values that you hold and the reasons behind the things that you’re chasing and trying to bring into your life, then you risk making a life for yourself that is not a true representation of your REALNESS are and what’s actually possible you in your true potential.

Now, this comes down to something that I’ve said many times. This whole site, if you don’t know, is about growing REAL.

If you put something real into your life, i.e. In this case, real values, then you’re going to get something real out. If you put something unreal into your life, then you’re going to get something unreal out.

And, we all want the real stuff, whether we know it or not. Because if we feel restless, frustrated, depressed, like there’s more to life, that we have a void, that we feel empty, or we need to rebel against the world or whatever it is, it means that we have been putting unreal values into our lives and so the current state of our lives is quite unreal.

And so if you want to make life feel deeper, if you want to make it feel like you’re more connected to it, then you need to make sure that the values that are driving your life are actually yours. And that’s why this is really important.

Some examples of core values.

So now I’m going to give you an overview about how you can figure out what your values are. You might need to reading and do some writing, or you could just read the whole thing and then you’ll figure it out.

Either way, the point is that if you actually sit down and do this – especially if you’ve never done anything like this before – then you’re going to be able to figure out what your values are, and then you can go start bringing the real stuff into your life by putting something real into it, instead of just running around on autopilot, filtering everything through the ego, and then getting something unreal.

So let’s start, with some examples from somebody really interesting. In this case…me!

My values, I have decided and determined after doing some of this work are health. And so I try to exercise every day, do yoga, go hiking on weekends. That’s one of my values. So I feel good when I do those things. Creativity is another – which is why in my coaching business, I work with a lot of creative people. And, my podcast, Creative Status, is about the creative process, because I just love creativity, so I need it in my life. And so that’s why I’ve made some choices about what to do with my business and what my podcast should focus on. I find those things very satisfying now because my values are embodied.

Freedom is another core value. If I don’t have freedom, I go mad and I get depressed – like all human beings, tbh – and that is why I have my own business. I don’t have some boss breathing down my neck, getting me to do spreadsheets and all that kind of bullshit that they make you do. That is the worst thing in the world for me. And so by, realising that that is my value and making choices around that value, I now feel good. It’s actually amazing.

Figuring out your values is quite simple. You say to yourself, “Okay, I value this”, and then you start acting on it. Life improves. You can trust me, because I’ve experienced this myself and seen my clients experience it too.

A final value is humour. I try to value humour because I like to think I’m an amusing person. But, I don’t know, there is a chance that I just think I’ve been funny when actually I’ve been annoying.

Who knows? But it’s one of my values, and it’s why I don’t take myself too seriously with these my writing or in anything else that I do, because I think, ultimately, life is just one big joke without a punchline. And so if you take it too seriously, you’re always going to lapse into being unreal. And ultimately, that is why I say these stupid things and I like to joke around with people in real life and, have relationships where people can have banter and so on and so forth. It’s very important to me.

Maybe you’re a humourless individual, that’s fine. Like, we don’t all have to share the same values. That’s one of the good things about values. They belong to us and we can define them as we choose to define them.

When defining your core values, you need to define them on your own terms.

When you’re defining your values, so in my case, the ones I’ve just said shared health,- freedom, creativity, and humour – what those words mean to me, because these are my values, is important.

If you say, “Well, actually, ‘health’ doesn’t mean doing yoga every day and going hiking, because if you do yoga every day, you’re putting your body through too much of [whatever bullshit thing someone might say]”, that’s fine.

But for me, doing yoga every day and going hiking embodies my value of health. That’s what health means to me: looking after myself to the greatest extent possible, my mind and my body, which is what yoga does. And then that’s fine.

Creativity means (to me, again) working on creative projects, duh. It means being present enough to make my unconscious conscious and blah, blah, blah. I won’t talk about that too much. But the point is, once you’ve understood the word, or once you’ve uncovered the word that encapsulates your value, well, the only definition that it really needs to meet is yours, because we’re talking about your values.

There’ll probably be overlap between my definition and your definition but the little nuances are, the things that are going to make it truly yours.

So just remember once you’ve figured out your own values, you need to define them on your own terms so you can truly make them yours. Let’s figure out how you can do that.

Any transformational journey involves three stages: Awareness, Acceptance, and (inspired) Action

If you find yourself on any kind of transformational journey in life, you’re ultimately going to end up walking through three stages, Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. This is something I talk about all the time because I use that in my coaching practice.

Ultimately, Awareness, Acceptance, and Action are going to take you from where you are now to where you want to be. And it’s no different when it comes to your values and figuring out what they are and then translating them into action or a sense of purpose or whatever you want to do with them.

Now, Awareness is always the first starting point of these transformational journeys because it ultimately just means asking yourself different questions to the ones you normally do.

If you ask yourself different questions to what you usually do, then you’re going to get insight and you’re going to uncover some new truth or some reality that you may have been avoiding because of ego resistance or distortion or simple ignorance – or whatever it is – and you’re going to have a stronger foundation on which to build your life.

And when it comes to values, it’s exactly the same thing. If you want to take yourself through, a values elicitation exercise, which is what coaches like to call these things, then it starts with simple questions.

Although there are actually thousands of values elicitation exercises, I like to use two really simple questions which are kind of related. But if you ask them and answer them honestly and then reverse engineer the answers to figure out what values are embodied in said answers, you can actually learn a lot.

So the two questions are basically the same question in two different ways:

When have you felt most alive or best in life?
When have you felt least alive or worst in life?

Now, answering both is recommended, but just for the sake of brevity, I’ll start with the first question.

You can start to figure out what your core values are by asking the right questions.

When have you felt best or most alive?

In my case, a simple answer to that question goes like this (“Simple”. Simple is, okay):

I’ve felt best and most alive when I’m out in nature hiking. I didn’t mention it earlier, but nature is also one of my core values. But anyway, when I am out in nature hiking, I feel totally present, totally alive, totally connected to all of life around me. And I feel free. I feel totally free. And I’m also doing things which I feel like are, making me healthier. And so just in that simple example of hiking in nature, two of my values become really clear – if I look at the experience, not the concept of it, of hiking, the experience.

What do I feel in that moment? I feel free. I feel healthy and I feel alive. And so if I can take that as being a benchmark for how I want to feel all the time, I can say, “Okay, I value health, I value freedom. How else do I bring these Values into my life when I’m not out there hiking – just going about my day to day business or designing my lifestyle?

“Well, okay, I’m going to make sure I have freedom in my business, freedom in relationships. Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom. How do I bring that into my life?”

And so, if you can answer those simple questions, one, the other, or both, then you can do the same thing: you can start to figure out what your core values are. Now, if you need some inspiration, because obviously we’re dealing with abstract concepts here. Abstract qualities

There’s a big list of values here. Or, if you want to take it up a notch, I have a free course, a seven day course called the Seven Day Personality Transplant System, Shock For Realness And Life Purpose. Long ass title.

The first module of the course is about death and how you can use your time to make sure that you make real choices around your values. And the first exercise for day one of the course is about going through this big list of values and then prioritising what yours are so you can boil it down to your core five values. So you can do that or you can answer those questions.

The 7-Day Personality Transplant System Shock for Realness & Life Purpose is a complete course with 158-page workbook for deep diving into your ‘stuff’ and growing REAL.

Either way, you don’t have to do loads of work. You just have to raise awareness, ask yourself the right questions and then say, “Okay, these are my values. Now what am I going to do with them?”

Let’s talk about that now.

What to do with your core values once you’ve figured them out.

Once you’ve raised awareness of your core values, you need to actually accept the value and then take action on it. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – it’s always about these three things.

Accepting your values means basically that you’re going to commit to them. If you don’t commit to them, then you’re just going to kind of let the world push you around and you’re going to compromise on the quality of your lifestyle and all that kind of stuff. And you’re not going to get the values that you need to be brought into your life on a consistent basis. So you need to accept them, which is about committing to them – basically saying, “Oh, okay, this truly is my value and so I’m going to do something with it”.

Then you need to take action. Taking action means that you change your values or translate your values into goals. So let’s keep it simple. If you value ‘freedom’ and your life right now doesn’t really have that much freedom because you’ve got a job that you don’t like and, your relationship, for whatever reason, is kind of toxic or whatever it is (because in this imaginary example, you’ve got unhealthy boundaries, blah, blah, blah). You basically feel that there’s no freedom in your life.

Or let’s take another example, ‘creativity’. You realise that you value creativity because the time you felt most alive was when you were painting a picture or something. And so you’re like, “Okay, I need to bring more creativity into my life. But right now, there’s lack of it.”

Once you’ve committed to that value, because you acknowledge that it is a real part of who you are, you need to act on it and turn it into a goal. So all that means is you come up with something specific that you want to do with it.

Remember the Lamborghini example right at the start where we said it’s the goal behind the goal that makes the real difference.

Maybe you think, “Okay, I want to bring more freedom into my life. My job sucks, so I’m going to quit my job right now.”

It might not be time to quit your job, although you can still put yourself on the path to eventually quitting if you’re truly committed to that value instead. Maybe a better thing to do right now is to find something like hiking or yoga or whatever it is. I’m just using my own examples because I’m so self-cantered but, basically, you need to find something that is going to bring more freedom into your life until you’re ready to quit your job and bring creativity and freedom into your life to a greater degree.

Maybe it just means you set yourself a goal: Painting a picture at least once a week. Keep it simple. None of this needs to be complicated but the point is, the more that you accept those values and commit to them, the more likely you are to act on them once you figure out what the goal looks like. And, day by day, your life is going to become much more real.

Because, as I said earlier:

Real in, real out; unreal in, unreal out.

And so if you start acting on the real stuff, with real goals based around your values, then your life is going to become much better.

You can do values elicitation work in a real way or an unreal way.

So the final thing I want to say is that – as with anything else in life – you can do this values elicitation work in a real way or an unreal way.

Real means, ultimately, that it’s putting you on the path towards wholeness. Wholeness, for simplicity, means a connection to yourself, a connection to other people, and a connection to life itself. And you can only have that connection if you’re willing to face the truth.

The opposite of that is, fragmentation. Fragmentation means that you are divided within yourself and you’re identifying with a false version, aka the ego, because of underlying emotional stuff, shame, guilt and trauma, and because of social conditioning from the world telling you that you don’t deserve to live your real values, or that you’re not good enough to live your real values or any other bullshit like that.

Now, when it comes to values, we can fall into the trap that I kind of talked about at the start of the video, where we value surface level things that we think are going to fill the void within us rather than finding the things within us that have been denied and putting them out into the world.

That’s a really subtle distinction, but it makes a big, big difference in your life. And the way that I normally describe it to my clients is that you’re either running towards something real or away from something unreal.

You want to be running towards something REAL – which means you figured out the true values within you that are aligned with wholeness and the journey towards growth and expansion that we’re all on (because everything in real life is changing and evolving). If we’re not on track with that, if we’re not moving with it, then we’re always resisting and distorting our relationship with life behind ego (running away from the unreal because the ego is always an attempt to hide from unreal emotions).

If you can figure out the values that are aligned with that journey towards wholeness – that natural drive that we all have – then you’re going to put yourself in a better position to grow REAL.

These kind of values are things like truth, because without the truth, you’re not going to be able to really dive inside yourself and find anything truly of value. Creativity, because we’re all creative when we’re real, and creativity allows us to stay curious and work with uncertainty and keep moving, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, etc.

What I’m saying is there are some values that support your growth, other values that you only really value because you’re disconnected within yourself, because of underlying emotional stuff – usually shame, guilt and/or trauma. The second type (unreal) is going to show up as, things that actually seem attractive to the ego side of you, but they’re going to stop you from growing.

And that’s things like valuing money for the sake of money, not the goal behind the goal that I was talking about earlier with the Lamborghini example, where money is going to give you freedom, it’s going to allow you to give more, it’s going to allow you to do, the things you’ve always wanted to do and get experiences.

If you just value money for the sake of it, probably there’ll be some egotistical thing going on inside you where you think, “Okay, if I have money, then I’m going to fill the void inside myself”, which won’t happen (well… maybe in the short term, but it will be short-lived)

Or maybe you think, I’m going to feel superior to other people, which is going to help me deal with this feeling of shame, blah, blah, blah.” The point is, there are real values that are going to make you real. There are unreal values that are going to make you feel okay in the short term, but they’re not really going to change anything. And so that is why you need to go through this process. I’m talking about of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Remember that if you become aware and accept and act on something real, you get real out. And if you put something unreal in because you’re not being real with yourself, you’re just going to get unreal back.

That’s how life works. And so if you can figure out your real values, act on them, life gets a lot better. You’ll feel good, and you’ll ultimately end up where you need to be, whether you get the surface level goals that you think you need or not, because you know that the goal behind the goal is always a real value.

Join my mailing list if you want regular tips and insights about growing real and becoming more aligned with your creativity.

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Sexual Polarity and the Shadow Self (Divine Masculine and Feminine Energy)

Published on

Creativity/Life Philosophy/Psychology/Relationships/Shadow Life

There’s a high chance that you’ve become disconnected from your own nature – this article will help you get back in touch with something REAL by understanding the concept of SEXUAL POLARITY.

If you’re feeling stuck, you’re feeling lost, you’re feeling restless, you’re feeling like there’s a void or that there’s more to life and that you can express more of who you are in the world, then there’s a very, very high chance that you’ve become disconnected at some level from your own nature – especially in the form of either your masculine or feminine energy (if you want to use the word ‘energy’). Either that or it has become out of balance in some way.

In other words, you’ve developed an unhealthy, distorted relationship with your sexual energy because you’re not being real with yourself. And normally this happens because of unresolved emotional stuff – shame, guilt and trauma are the main ones – or because of social conditioning that is telling you that your sexual energy, your nature, is unnatural in some way, or that it should be refined in a socially acceptable manner or whatever it is.

In other words, there are outside sources, outside forces coming into your experience of yourself that are basically acting as a barrier that is stopping you from letting out what needs to be put out into the world. And so ultimately, this comes down to a theme that has come up so many times now on my YouTube channel, which is that there’s a dance between the ego and the shadow.

If you haven’t heard me rant about that before, it’s super simple:

Basically, when we feel shame, guilt and trauma, or we get social conditioning and we cave into it, we create a little version of ourselves, a fragmented version of ourselves, which is a box that we live in. And the only way that we can stay in that box is by disowning really important parts of who we are. It can be our emotions. It can be our true goals. It can be our values. It can be our sexual energy – which is theme of this article.

All of those things that we disown end up being stored in the shadow self, the shadow territory, as I like to call it. And we basically spend our whole lives filtering everything through the ego so that we can pretend those things don’t exist. But because they’re real, they never go anywhere. And it causes all kinds of problems in people’s lives in the form of friction, frustration, misery, relationship problems, the feeling of restlessness and void, and all the stuff I said a few paragraphs back.

And so the solution to many of our problems in life, as always, comes back to being as real as possible. And so this article is ultimately about how – for many, many people – the next level of realness for them is to face their own nature in terms of the predominant sexual polarity that they need to be expressing in the world – either masculine or feminine.

This article is going to be about some of the bullshit out there that you can avoid if you want to be happy, but also how you can start bringing this stuff to the surface by using your creativity, pushing through your ego, and allowing who you really are to actually be expressed instead of repressed so you can stop holding back and hesitating and go live a REAL life.

The big nature vs. nurture debate and REALNESS.

So there’s a big debate in society that’s been going on for years and years about whether nature or nurture takes precedence when it comes to the human condition and the things that impact our lives and how they unfold and all that kind of stuff.

The consensus is that we need both. We need nature, obviously, because nature is nature. You can’t get rid of it. But we also need nurture, which means that if you create the right conditions, the right environment, then you can basically create any version of yourself that you want in order to get where you want to go and be happy and all that kind of stuff.

Both of those things are kind of true, but if they get out of balance, then it causes all kinds of problems in our lives. If we lean too much into the nature stuff, then we risk kind of becoming hedonistic. We live in the short term. We become driven by our instincts and just act on any impulse that pops up in our experience and all that kind of stuff.

If we lean too much to the nurture stuff, then we kind of become a bit too neurotic and detached from life itself, because we think ourselves into a way of being that keeps us in our comfort zone and where we try and control everything. And so another way of looking at it is that nature is about chaos, nurture is about control. And both of those things are kind of disruptive if we don’t see them in a real way.

Actually, we need both, but we need to accept and embrace that, but nature always takes precedence over nurture. And the reason for that is that nature is connected to reality. It has nothing to do with human ideas. It has nothing to do with human concepts. It just is what it is. And if it is what it is, then it’s real.

The only thing you can do with reality is accept it. And so that is the foundation for building a real life. The danger of the nurture stuff is that it’s filtered through all of our thoughts. And that most of our thoughts come from the ego, which, as we said at the start of the article, has been created because of our underlying shame, guilt, and trauma, and social conditioning.

And so, when we filter nurture through the ego stuff, we actually just exacerbate the problem – the problem being a disconnection from who we really are. A lot of people fear nature, though, because of the chaos and when it comes to our sexual energy that’s why a lot of women out there have become afraid of their femininity. It’s also why a lot of men out there have become afraid of their masculinity, because they don’t actually know how to take responsibility for the energy and direct it in alignment with their true values and their true intentions.

The other thing, of course, is that society has been built in such a way where men now fear women, and women fear men. And so everybody is kind of trying to meet in the middle in general – like out in public, at least when behind closed doors, it’s a totally different story. But in general, if we’re trying to fit into society, people are kind of meeting in the middle. And you have this this kind of, uh, androgynous, kind of wishy-washy culture where people are just all trying to be the same.

That is totally unreal, because we need both masculine and feminine. We need masculine and feminine to be expressed in a real way, because they complement each other.

And if you don’t have that complementary way of being, then everything just feels kind of empty and unreal. And that void that we were talking about at the start of the essay, the restless feeling – because the truth is hidden in the shadows – just keeps getting worse and worse because nobody’s being real.

And so the way back to reality is to get away from the 50-50 thing and to go back in alignment with the natural laws of reality and life itself. And an ancient, ancient way of describing these natural laws is something you’ve probably all seen before: Yin and Yang.

I’m going to talk about that now because it actually sums up loads of stuff really, really well (and that’s probably why it’s lasted for so long). So let’s take a quick look at that.

Now, here’s the famous Yin Yang symbol. Everybody on the planet pretty much has seen this. And the reason it’s endured over so many generations is because it’s so real. It just makes so much sense of the natural laws. It sums it all up.

Basically, we have a circle, which is a symbol for wholeness, but then within the circle we have the perfect unity of masculine and feminine, and each one has the seed of its opposite within itself. That’s really, really important, because nobody is 100% masculine or 100% feminine. We all need the opposite within us to some degree so that we can become balanced and real. The thing is, you never ever want to be 50-50 because if you become 50-50, well, life just gets really boring.

Maybe you’d feel enlightened and you’d be like floating around on a cloud or something, but life would be really boring if you were just totally balanced within yourself. And it’s probably impossible here on planet Earth, which is why we need other people to complement us. This is the other reason that Yin and Yang is such a great summary of these natural laws that apply to us. All these forces are not in opposition. Masculine is not better than feminine. Feminine is not better than masculine. They’re equal, but they’re different. And more importantly, they complement each other.

That is the reason these things are so important. If you know what your predominant sexual polarity is then you can find a person that complements you. Or if you want to be single, you can go out into the world and find activities and environments and places that complement what’s going on inside you. So you can feel that real connection to life.

So Yin and Yang basically sums this all up. It’s the whole thing. So it’s all about wholeness. And it shows how within the whole, these two forces need to come together so that we can actually embrace what that wholeness is. And that’s a great summary for this whole thing – because, ultimately, if you can understand that, then you can figure out who you are and what you need, and you won’t be scared to embrace it because you know it’s real.

So all you can do now is accept it. And then you work with it and everything will work out. It’ll be amazing.

One thing that I love to say is that “the ego is the opposite of reality”. And that’s because the ego is the only thing that can cause you to distort or to resist your relationship with the truth. And if you want to live a good life, really, it’s quite simple: You just need to: 1) uncover the truth, and then 2) live the truth – because if you uncover the truth by raising awareness, then that will lead you to acceptance. And if you get to a place of acceptance, then any action that you do take in the world is going to be more real. It’s going to be aligned with who you really are. And that’s what this is all about.

So if you uncover the truth and then live the truth, things will work out. And the thing that can only ever stop you doing that is ego: the fragmented idea of yourself that stops you from moving with wholeness. Now, in relation to our sexual energy and all the stuff that we’re talking about in this article – masculine and feminine and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah – the ego is the thing that will either cause you to resist it in the sense that we’ve already kind of talked about.

When this happens you’ll bury it deep within the shadow territory, pretend it’s not there, stop taking responsibility for it and become unable to go in the direction that you want to move in whilst having an authentic relationship with that energy – either that or you’re going to distort it. And really there’s only two ways that you can distort things: You can either see it as been too little or as too much. And that happens with both masculine and feminine energy in our relationship with it.

So I want to talk about unreal relationships at both of those levels because of the way we distort by either being too little or too much in touch with it.

Unreal relationships are when you’re not grounded in reality itself – you’re either too much or too little of some idea.

The Unreal Masculine

So let’s start with the unreal masculine. I’ll keep it short and sweet, but hopefully it’s going to give you some good info. Unreal relationships basically are when you are not coming from a place of acceptance and a place of being rooted in wholeness or reality itself – that ultimately just means that you’ve been very present.

You’re totally conscious and aware to the greatest extent possible. And you’re not thinking your way through life; you’re experiencing life.

That comes with a cost. The cost of being fully present is that you have to let go of all the illusions and all the bullshit that stop you from being present. All the distractions, all of that stuff. And if you’re at the start of a journey of trying to return to presence/realness, then you’re going to have a lot of those emotions I was talking about at the start: shame, guilt and trauma. And because of that, you’ll be in an ego driven place.

The only way to return to this place of wholeness, which is real, of pure presence, is to ride through that which is obviously going to be painful. And so because most people want to avoid that pain, they go to one extreme or the other of either having a very low, weak expression of their masculinity, or they turn up the volume in order to compensate for those feelings of shame, guilt and/or trauma, and they become almost a cartoon caricature of what they think masculinity is, which is when you end up being like a toxic male bro and all that kind of stuff (whatever people want to call it).

Now, the balance is not to be too much or not to be too little, but to be grounded where you actually are in the present moment, and to be able to respond to life without letting anything shake you from yourself. That is masculinity.

In Hinduism, they have Shiva and Shakti, which is basically their version of Yin and Yang. Shiva is the archetype for masculinity, and the short version of describing it is just “pure consciousness”. Nothing can shake it from itself. It’s totally, totally grounded. And if you don’t have that, then ultimately you’ve been unreal in some way. And the way it normally shows up is too little – where people are detached from their masculinity for all the reasons that we talked about: shame, guilt, and trauma, lost behind the ego, hidden in the shadow self.

And when that happens, they become detached from their purpose. They become wishy washy. They have unhealthy boundaries. They’re constantly being told what to do. They’re detached from their true values and intentions. Their life is not their life because they’re not grounded in the truth, which is pure presence. And so they’re letting the world tell them what to do. That’s too little masculinity.

But then the opposite end of the spectrum is also unreal. It’s where people realise, “Okay, I’m detached from m my masculinity. So I’m going to turn up the volume and become like a caricature of what I think masculinity means. I’m going to become hyper-aggressive. I’m going to become a total asshole, basically. I’m going to basically try and dominate the world around me to compensate for the feeling of inferiority that I have now.”

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be aggressive. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go for your goals. It doesn’t mean you should take any shit. It just means if you’ve turned the volume all the way up because you feel like you’re detached from who you really need to be, then that’s just as unreal as being one of these weak willed, wishy washy guys that just has no purpose and anything like that.

The other thing about the purpose thing is that there’s a difference between a real purpose and an unreal purpose. And so when some people turn the volume all the way up in this compensatory way that I’m talking about, they’re acting and taking a lot of action, like a hustler or a grinder – whatever you want to call it – but they’re doing that purely for the sake of taking action to fill the void inside themselves. They’re not acting from the present grounded place of Shiva consciousness, whatever you want to call it, where they can take inspired action.

So the main difference between an unreal and a real masculine is that one is putting their being into their doing, and one is either doing f*ck all because they’ve been weak and passive, or they’re doing too much, but not as a way of putting their being into their doing, but as a way of doing things to mask the lack of connection to their being. Something like that.

The Unreal Feminine

The unreal feminine becomes unreal in exactly the same way as the masculine does. It’s either too much or too little – but too much or too little of what?

Well, if we go back to the Shiva Shakti thing, Shiva – the masculine archetype in Hinduism – is about pure consciousness, pure awareness, wholeness. In other words, Shakti, the feminine equivalent, which is complementary, like the Yin and Yang thing, is not about stillness, but about motion. And that is why a lot of the feminine qualities that we associate with femininity are about movement: whether it’s about emotion moving through them, whether it’s about dancing and getting in the body and all that kind of sensuous stuff.

The feminine is ultimately that. It’s about using movement to return to the present moment. And it complements the stillness of the masculine because those two bring each other together.

But anyway, if it’s too little, well, the feminine isn’t moving, and the energy within them becomes stagnated. They don’t express their emotions. They suppress them. Then they become stressed, they become burned out, they become depressed. And that is why a lot of feminine women use their bodies to return to wholeness.

Basically, there’s yoga, which I also do. I love yoga. But dancing, singing, all that kind of stuff. Ultimately, that is because motion and movement gets them back to the present moment.

Now, if it’s too much, they move too much, they kind of lapse into a victim mindset. They become really passive, and they just let life move them all over the place. They lose touch with their vision, etc. etc.

The problem is, as with masculinity, a lot of women, because of what we’re saying at the start of the essay – about social conditioning and the ego and blah, blah, blah – they’ve got stuck in this place where they’re 50-50, they’re trying to be like a man and vice versa. And when they wake up to that, because a lot of people do wake up to it, eventually they turn the volume all the way up and it becomes like an extreme version of what femininity is, and they lose control, basically.

They get in all kinds of situations they don’t want to be in. They have people take advantage of them. Their emotions take over completely. And then they just become so open minded that their brains fall out. And again, it’s about finding balance.

And the only way that you can find balance is by taking responsibility for your own energy, but giving it a direction to move in. If you don’t give it a direction to move in, that’s when you end up being totally lost. And that is the final part of this essay coming up, talking about how you can do that.

So you can embrace the energy, you’re aware of it, you accept it, but then you can take action with it that is going to be authentic and take you to a place that you want to go, not to one that’s just going to exacerbate the problems in your life and make everything worse.

The creative process is the process of allowing the unconscious to become conscious.

So what are you supposed to do if you realize that you have some of the problems we’ve kind of started to unpack in this essay?

If you realise that your ego, because of your emotional stuff and social conditioning, telling you that you should be a certain way, has caused you to hide your nature in the shadows? Or if you started to bring that nature to the surface, but it’s gone too far in either direction, you’ve either turned the volume all the way up because you’re trying to compensate, because you’ve become aware of the detachment?

Or what if you’re sort of aware of it but you’re afraid and you’ve just tried to hide it, you’ve turned the volume down and you’ve become kind of a weak expression of your own nature?

Well, whether it’s self-induced because of the emotional stuff or if it’s social conditioning, the problem is the same: The problem is that your shadow self is not getting an outlet for expression. And normally when I’m coaching people, what I find is there will be some goal in their life, some calling from the unconscious mind that needs to be made conscious, that is going to allow the shadow to become more ‘embodied’, shall we say, in the lives of the person in question.

Normally, that goal is going to be some creative thing because the creative process, ultimately, is the process of allowing the unconscious to become conscious, for us to deconstruct the ego, i.e., raise awareness of how we’re holding ourselves back with social conditioning and self-limiting beliefs and all that stuff, so that we can allow integration of all those parts that we disowned by creating the ego in the first place (in other words, we can integrate the shadow).

If you look inside yourself, or if you just ask yourself honestly, there will probably be something that you want to do that you’re avoiding. It’s going to be some creative thing.

Creative in this context is just anything that is going to bring you back to the present moment and make the unconscious conscious. It might be like a business idea that you’ve had. It might be a literal creative project, like some kind of a musical thing or an artistic thing or whatever it is. There’ll be something that you’re called to do, but you’re holding back on it because of the ego and the way that it talks to you and causes you to believe you have to be this limited version of yourself.

What you need to do is to create a vision for moving forward with whatever that is. And as you do move forward with it, you will basically learn to deprogram yourself from trying to control everything with the ego stuff and to get into this more fluid, chaotic way of being that your true nature actually asks you to work with. But because you’re moving in alignment with a vision, you’re going to have a sense of order and chaos, and you’re going to bring them together.

If you can do that well, you will move forward in life in the way that you want to move forward – you’ll be doing things that are authentic to you. But more importantly, you’re going to bring these qualities that you’ve been hiding from yourself back to the surface. You’re going to bring them into balance by merging order and chaos with the vision and the more chaotic stuff that’s kind of motivating that vision. And you’re going to get where you want to be.

And so that’s kind of a roundabout way of finishing this article, I guess. But what I’m saying is, if you can find something from your shadow that you can start acting on and you can turn it into a vision within the wider context of your life, then you’re going to either solve this problem or at least start solving this problem. because you’re going to not be living as an idea, but you’re going to be living as an experience of yourself and your nature going to come to the surface.

You’re not just going to be nurturing yourself, nurturing with the ego stuff, and you can be more real in your own NATURE.

Join my mailing list if you want regular tips and insights about growing real and becoming more aligned with your creativity.

You’ll get access to my 7-Day Personality Transplant Video Course (with an exclusive 158-page workbook) when you sign up:

Law of Attraction / Manifestation Explained (An Introduction to the Law of Attraction for REALNESS)

Published on

Life Philosophy/Creativity/Mindset

Demystifying the Law of Attraction so you can get REAL results.

This mini-course is about how you can use the law of attraction to get REAL results.

Oh, hi there – Oli Anderson here. Welcome to this mini-course about The Law of Attraction for Realness.

Ultimately, what we’re going to be talking about here is how you can use the law of attraction to get results and to change your life in the way that you might want to.

We’re going to try and do this in a real way which means that we’re going to look at how reality actually works, how human beings actually work and we’re going to have a no bullshit policy basically so that we can avoid a lot of the misconceptions that people have about this stuff and ultimately just get to the nitty gritty – so you can start using this in a very quick way if you haven’t been using it, or to start using it in a real way if you’ve tried using it and haven’t got results yet.

By the end of this you’ll have a better understanding of what the law of attraction really is. You’ll understand how your relationship with yourself ultimately affects your life and you’ll be moving towards some kind of a vision for yourself and your life that gets you pumped up and excited because it’s going to be real and you’ll also know that you have a lot more control over that than you may have initially been led to believe.

This mini-course has six modules.

So I’m going to get right into it. This little mini-course has six modules. So this is just so you know what’s coming up.

We got: 1) An introduction to Law of Attraction. That’s what this article is. We’re going to talk about 2) Mindset and Beliefs that either allow you to get results from the law of attraction or not. We’re going to do some 3) Creative Visualization stuff. We’re going to talk about 4) Inspired Action and then we’re going to look at 5) Gratitude and Appreciation and then we’re going to look at 6) Maintaining Momentum.

It’s all leading up to this idea of maintaining momentum which ultimately just means that you’re going to make some lifestyle changes and you’re going to basically improve your relationship with yourself by improving your relationship with reality.

And then you’re going to get better results because you’re not creating friction or distortion and resistance, which is what we’re going to talk about in this course ultimately.

Your inner vibe will affect your outer world. No question.

So I’m going to get right into it. This is the first module. It’s basically just an introduction to the law of attraction. But it’s not an introduction to the law of attraction as it might have been sold to you before. It’s an introduction to it in a real way.

And ultimately – what that means – is that we’re looking at this definition, a real definition of the law of attraction.

People love to make things more complicated than they actually are. I believe that the reason we make things so complex is because of our egos and the ego needing complexity to be a thing so that we can basically maintain the ego in its current form and then avoid our, emotional, stuff and all this kind of thing.

The simplest definition of the law of attraction is ultimately this: It means that whatever vibe you put out into the world is what you’re going to get back. That’s it. There’s so many things out there that make this so complicated, and they’re all ultimately just metaphors about this same thing, which is, that your inner vibe will affect your outer world.

Now, to what extent that actually might be is up to you to decide. Like some people think your inner state will completely, 100 million% affect everything in your outer experience. Some people might think that it just affects it a little bit. Whatever.

Either way, this law is a natural law that is true and is real and applies to all of us. And so once you start working with it and embracing it – and you start seeing changes in your life because you’ve been using it – then you can decide to what extent you want to go with this. But ultimately, your vibe affects what you get. And, we can call this for simplicity, the Boomerang Effect.

What you throw out there is going to come back to you in some way, shape or form. This is just the natural law of life. Not everybody likes to accept it, because in my opinion, they’re filtering life through their ego and maybe their life sucks. And so they don’t want to take responsibility for their thoughts and say to themselves, “Oh, okay. This crappy situation that I have found myself in is actually a reflection of this crappy relationship inside my head that I have with myself”.

We’ll get into all that but, right now, this is what we are now defining the law of attraction as: “what you throw out there is what you’re going to get back”. And so if you want to improve your life, you need to start throwing out things that are more real, more true, more whole, and all of the other things that we’re about to talk about in this little mini-course.

The short version of understanding this is that if you put something real into life, you will get something real out of life. And conversely, if you put something unreal into life, you’ll get something unreal out of it.

If you’re familiar with my work – you’ve read my books or whatever – well, you’ll have heard me talk about everything ultimately boils down to wholeness or fragmentation. Wholeness means you are connected to yourself, you’re connected to the world, you’re connected to reality because you’ve raised your awareness and you accept things and blah, blah, blah. And so you’re putting the real version of you ultimately out into the world.

The opposite of that – the opposite of wholeness – is fragmentation. Fragmentation means you’ve created a little idea in your head that’s caused you to be disconnected from life itself. And that means that you’re being unreal because you’re always connected to life, whether you know it or you don’t know it. Whether you’re conscious of it or you’re unconscious of it.

And so when you’re fragmented in that way, you’re caught up in your ego, false identity. You put that out into the world, it motivates the things that you do, and your life ends up being unreal.

So in relation to the law of attraction, if you can be real with yourself, well, you’re going to put something real out into life and then you’re going to get something real back. Because of the Boomerang Effect: what you throw out there is always going to come back to you. That is a natural law.

The other thing about this law of attraction thing is because it’s a natural law, it’s always working beneath the surface of our lives, whether we know it or not. And so that means that all of us are always using the law of attraction; we’ve been using it our whole lives. And whatever we have right now in our lives ultimately is massively, massively, massively inspired by that inner relationship or impacted by the law of attraction is a natural law.

We all use it all the time – the only thing is that most of us have been using it unconsciously, without awareness. This course is about changing that so that you can use this natural law, the law of attraction, consciously.

That’s basically all you need to really pick up from this course. Most people are using it unconsciously. It applies to us all. If you want to improve your life, you need to accept it and be aware of it, of course, but then work with it instead of against it. That means making conscious choices, knowing that it’s a real thing and basically managing your inner relationship with yourself, then with life and everything else – so that when you throw these ‘boomerangs’ out, you’re throwing something real and then that is going to come back to you.

One thing that people don’t like about this is that it means – because the law of attraction is always working – that your life right now is a product of what you put out in the past.

So whatever is coming back to you, today, basically, at this particular period of your life where you’re doing this course, whatever is coming back to you is a product of the boomerangs that you’ve thrown out before.

Now, obviously not everybody wants to hear this, especially if their life sucks. And, I can understand that, I guess. But the thing is, this is actually a very powerful thing or empowering thing because it means that you have so much more choice over the future than you may initially have been led to believe.

If your life sucks and you keep focusing on that, well, you’re just going to keep putting out the same old BS and you’re going to keep getting the same BS back because of the boomerangs you’re throwing. I.e. the same boomerangs you’ve been throwing for however many years because of your conditioning and the voices in your head that you’re hypnotizing yourself with.

If you can understand that, if you start throwing out different boomerangs today, more real ones, then eventually the external world is going to catch up with that, and start throwing real stuff back at you, then you realise that we all have a lot of power over our lives. It’s a very amazing, very liberating thing.

A Quick History of The Law Of Attraction.

Here’s a quick history of the law of attraction. Just so you know what we’re talking about and the context that we found ourselves in:

It’s been around since ancient times. And, the reason it’s been around since ancient times is because it’s a natural law. Gravity has been around forever. We may have only discovered it when that apple fell on Isaac Newton’s head, but it was still there before that. It’s the same with the law of attraction. It’s a natural law. And so every human being in the history of human history has been using this law either unconsciously or consciously.

It got popular in the 19th century with the new thought movement: authors like Neville Goddard and Napoleon Hill popularized it. Napoleon Hill wrote that famous book, Think, And Grow Rich.

The Law of Attraction became even more popular with the release of the Secret in 2006 – based on, the work of Abraham Hicks. And then ever since then, there’s just been a load of bullshit and marketing nonsense: Online influencers on Instagram selling all these different techniques and offering it as a panacea to every problem in life.

And it can help you a lot. But ultimately, most of those people are just trying to sell things and it’s not complicated. People need things to be complicated for their own egos and so they can sell things to people that are confused. But basically, this is where we are.

It’s a very controversial concept. The reason it’s controversial is because you can’t prove it objectively. Like even me talking about it now, it might sound like bullshit to some people because I’m basically saying, “Okay, if you change your inner state, then your outer world is going to reflect that and everything can be hunky dory and amazing and beautiful”, but you can’t prove it scientifically because we’re dealing with the inner workings of the mind and our connection to everything else.

The only way you can really find out if the law of attraction works is to start using it.

Science likes to kind of isolate things and break them down and so on and so forth. And it works. It’s all about falsifying things and testing things. That’s awesome. But we’re dealing here with subjective experience and the only way you can really find out if this works is to start using it.

Personally, I didn’t used to believe in the law of attraction. I was very rationally minded individual. I thought that we needed peer reviewed studies for everything and blah, blah, blah. But then I actually started using it and getting results and having all these inexplicable things happen to me. And, now I will never doubt it ever.

But again, don’t just take my word for it. You need to basically start using these principles yourself and you will just see that reality is way more interesting and intricate and intense than we may have been led to believe – basically, reality is controversial.

That’s why I think a lot of people, have an issue with this: the law of attraction means that we can take full responsibility for our lives. Not everybody likes that.

So anyway, it’s controversial. I acknowledge that. I know that by talking about it, some people are going to have an issue. That’s fine. I’m just talking from personal experience and sharing what’s worked for me. And basically that’s that.

There’s a quote from Jesus in the Bible. I’m not like a religious fruitcake or anything like that, but ultimately it’s this:

“Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and you shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you.” – Matthew 7:7

Now that sounds very, dramatic. And of course, this can be taken completely out of context. You could think that the law of attraction just means that you have to ask for something and then basically that’s it. You don’t have to do anything else.

I believe this quote is true, but it’s not quite as, easy as some people might make it sound or seem. You still have to take action and you still have to do the inner work so that the things you are asking for, seeking and knocking on the door to find are real.

The reason that the law of attraction doesn’t work for a lot of people is because they’re coming from an egotistical place. And so it’s the thing that we just said: unreal in leads to unreal out and so they don’t get the results that they want or they end up miserable.

Some common misconceptions about the law of attraction.

We’re going to talk about this in more detail as we go through the course.

Like I just said, you still need to take action. There’s a lot of bullshit out there that just makes people believe they can just do nothing and all of their dreams will come true. Life doesn’t work like that. You still need to take action and show the world and reality and life and God or whatever it is that you believe in.

This is another misconception: You need to show that you’re serious and you need to take inspired action – which is what we’re going to talk about you have chosen most of the things in your life. But that doesn’t make you God.

There’s so much bullshit out there where people are telling themselves that they’re God, “I’m God, I can control everything”. No, you are the creation. The law of life is the creator. We have all been created by reality itself. And you can call that God or whatever you want to call it.

We did not create everything. We did not create the law of attraction. So if you were a God you would be able to use the law of attraction to get rid of the law of attraction. That isn’t ever going to happen. And so there’s so much bullshit out there which is just ego again because the ego is the illusion of control where people use this stuff to actually make their spiritual problems a lot worse. And so if you start to believe that you’re a God and all that, you’re just going to cause problems for yourself. So that’s a misconception.

Finally. You can only really use the law of attraction with things that are real. That’s why I already said “Real in, real out”.

If you try and get something unreal with the law of attraction you’ll either get it and you’ll be totally miserable because what goes up comes down or you just won’t get it. And then you’ll be frustrated and you’ll think that the law of attraction doesn’t work.

So a lot of this stuff is about going through the process of removing the unreal things inside yourself and unlearning those things so that you can be more real. We’re going to talk about this a lot: Distortion and Resistance – but ultimately the problem for most people is that they ask for things that they really want but then they distort their intentions and desires with ego resistance.

We’re going to talk about this more in the next module, but ultimately you need to know this:

People, think you can just ask and receive, but if you have distortion and resistance, which is always ego, then this stuff is not going to work. And so again, it’s about using the law of attraction to find something real, hold onto it and that’s it.

All we’re doing here is being real, as real as possible and ego resistance is just anything that causes to avoid awareness and acceptance and the natural laws of reality so we can take inspired action. That’s it.

The main thing that causes people to get into ego is shame, guilt and trauma. So this is going to come up a little bit, but basically this is why the inner work is so important.

If you have ego problems, then you have emotional problems and so you need to work on the inner stuff before you’re going to get the outer results. And a lot of people try this without doing the inner work and so they don’t get the results or things get worse for them and they just tell themselves that this is bullshit.

But the reason it seems like bullshit is because they’re coming at it from an unreal point of view. The inner state is the key.

That’s basically what we need to learn in this course: The main thing you need to do is manage your inner state so it’s aligned with the real things that you want. This just means unlearning a lot of the bullshit and conditioning you picked up in life and dissolving into your realness.

You also need to manage your relationship with yourself so you don’t distort your relationship with REALITY worry and fear and doubts.

What we’re trying to do here to make this work and the main point of this little course is you’re trying to get to an inner state where you have a sense of equanimity, you feel good, everything is amazing and then you can start trying to manifest and all that kind of stuff.

Write down a list of things you want to attract in your life.

So that is the end of this first little mini module. If you want an exercise to do so you can kind of integrate this, well, here it is:

Write down a list of things that you want to attract in your life. It could be anything: Material possessions, experiences, personal qualities. A classic way to do this in coaching is to think about what you want to be, what you want to do and what you want to have.

Once you’ve done that, reflect on why these things are either real to you or unreal. If they’re real you’ll know why. If they’re unreal then scrub them off the list and don’t even worry about it. You need to find something real that you want to move towards.

So that is the end of this first module. I will see you in the next one and I hope that has given you a good overview of where we’re going with this!

If you’re interested in the full mini-course then you can get more information by clicking here.

Click the button to go to the purchase page:

I’m Ready for REAL Life

Your problems aren’t your problems.

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Creativity/Coaching/Life Philosophy/Mindset

The problem is NEVER the problem (but REAL ALWAYS WORKS)

This is a bold claim but one thing I’ve learned from my own journey and from coaching people is that the problems we think we have at the start of a transformational period in our lives are NEVER the actual problems.

(In other words: many of the issues we think we’re dealing with when we go into the process are revealed to have been unreal by the time we’re done – assuming the process has made us more REAL).

They sure might look like problems and may even be experienced as problems but actually they’re (almost) always SYMPTOMS of the same core issue in some way: a DISCONNECTION FROM OUR REALNESS.

This is especially true of problems that linger– any time they do you can be pretty sure that you’re clinging onto some kind of misperception or misinterpretation for the sake of keeping your ego/identity where it is (so you don’t have to face your emotional ‘stuff’ in dealing with things).

The problem (if you can even call it that) is an attachment to the unreal ‘stuff’ – for whatever reason – instead of a focus on the real.

Really, this is just a matter of ‘sense’ (whatever that is):

-If you really knew what a problem is then you would do something about it and no longer have a problem.

-If it lingers then it’s either just an inevitable facet of reality (“it is what it is, man”) and you’re actually just struggling to ACCEPT things or you want to cling to something unreal because it benefits you in some (usually emotional) way.

I know that sounds simplistic and complexity is very popular in relation to this personal growth ‘stuff’. It’s probably also offensive to some people too but I’m definitely not saying that when we’re in touch with our realness that it’s some sort of magical panacea – just that, when we unlearn the things keeping us from our realness, we can stop wasting time distracting ourselves trying to find ‘solutions’ to problems that really only exist in our minds alone.

Let’s break it down a little – here are the kind of things that people come to me with and the way these ‘problems’ show up for them with various SYMPTOMS.

Here’s a list of the symptoms people experience when disconnected from their realness and then the symptoms of these symptoms (just to add a little complexity for those of us that love such things):

Lack of Purpose: Feeling directionless, demotivated, and uncertain about life goals.

Unfulfillment: Lingering dissatisfaction, lack of enthusiasm, and emotional restlessness.

Disconnected Relationships: Feeling emotionally distant, struggling to communicate feelings, and experiencing loneliness.

Stagnation in Career: Lack of creativity, feeling unchallenged, and limited career growth.

Fear of Vulnerability: Avoiding sharing feelings, hesitating to express needs, and guarded interactions.

Emotional Restlessness: Mood swings, moments of anxiety, and difficulty finding emotional equilibrium.

Lack of Work-Life Balance: Constant stress, neglecting personal needs, and feeling overwhelmed.

Self-Doubt: Second-guessing decisions, feeling inadequate, and lacking confidence.

Relationship Struggles: Frequent arguments, difficulty understanding each other, and emotional distance.

Identity Crisis: Feeling lost, unsure of who he is, and questioning personal values.

Procrastination: Delaying important tasks, feeling guilty about productivity, and added stress.

Imposter Syndrome: Feeling like a fraud, attributing success to luck, and downplaying achievements.

Lack of Emotional Expression: Difficulty showing affection, bottling up feelings, and emotional detachment.

Limited Personal Growth: Fearing change, avoiding challenges, and missing out on learning opportunities.

Social Isolation: Few social interactions, feeling out of touch, and experiencing loneliness.

Regret and Guilt: Dwelling on past mistakes, feeling guilty about missed opportunities, and ruminating.

Unresolved Past Traumas: Triggered emotional responses, anxiety, and avoidance behaviours.

Comparison Trap: Constantly comparing to others, feeling inferior, and negatively affecting self-esteem.

Lack of Joy: Rare moments of happiness, feeling numb, and difficulty finding enjoyment.

Loss of Passion: Losing interest in hobbies, feeling uninspired, and lacking enthusiasm.

When you’re UNAWARE (and the first step to changing your life is always ‘Acceptance’) that the FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM is always a sense of disconnect from your realness then the standard way of trying to handle these challenges is to choose one of the symptoms and focus on it.

Not only does this ignore the fundamental law that “WHAT WE FOCUS ON GROWS” (thus making things worse in the long run) it also causes us to be distracted from reality itself.

Because reality is the only place where we can ever find any kind of solutions (again, just a matter of ‘sense’ – where else can we actually expect to get results besides reality?) this DISTRACTION just prevents us from getting what we really want (to be back in touch with our realness – even if we don’t know that consciously).

One way that I’ve seen this distraction show up for people (who become increasingly frustrated with themselves and life) is that they become SYMPTOM HOPPERS (just made that term up but it does the job).

Because they don’t get the RESULTS that they want (feeling good and like life is meaningful), they go through periods in their lives where they choose one of the above symptoms (or the symptoms of the symptom) and dedicate themselves to it for a short period (until they don’t get the results they want and so they move onto the next thing and then the next thing ad infinitum).

So, for example, maybe they’ll spend some time trying to get their creativity back (which they trick themselves into thinking is a cause of their career stagnation); or maybe they read some book about how ‘comparisons are odious’ and so they view their lives through a frame of not comparing themselves to others for a few weeks until it wears off and they move onto the next thing (because the frame was only CONCEPTUAL, not EXPERIENTIAL); maybe they’ll come up with a theory that if they can just stop procrastinating then all their problems will be solved and so they become extra disciplined for a few weeks (but don’t feel any better because they’re not DOING ANYTHING REAL because they didn’t get in touch with their realness FIRST).

All of these things are examples of “rearranging the furniture on the Titanic whilst it sinks” – they’re just ways of playing with the surface level details of our lives, externalising everything, and confusing ourselves by giving ourselves the illusion of growth and momentum whilst paradoxically staying the same at the same time.

You can save yourself years of friction, frustration, and misery by learning to focus on your REALNESS first and foremost.

When you do that all of these other symptoms take care of themselves because you’re not making the unreal CHOICES that lead to their perpetuation.

If this has spoken to you and you want some help with this ‘stuff’ then in touch by either booking a call or sending me an email or message. I’ve seen people get really fast results once they simply shift their focus to the REAL things instead of distracting themselves with SYMPTOM HOPPING and rearranging that furniture on the Titanic.

Join my mailing list if you want regular tips and insights about growing real and becoming more aligned with your creativity. You’ll get access to my 7-Day Personality Transplant Video Course (with an exclusive 158-page workbook) when you sign up:

30 habits you can start RIGHT NOW to improve your life.

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Creativity/Life Philosophy/Mindset

Small actions with big results over time.

This is a list of things that you can do (pretty much) right now to make your life better.

If you do them in isolation then they’ll increase the chances of you feeling ‘good’ – if you do the ones that appeal to you CONSISTENTLY then you’ll keep growing real and will level up your relationship with life as a whole.

You probably won’t want to do all of them (though you probably could) but they show that there’s always something we can do to grow real, get results, and stay in the zone.

Here we go:

1. Take whatever goals you have an turn the volume UP.

Take a minute to sit down and look at goals you’re working on in life at the minute. Whatever they are and whatever plan you’ve got to achieve them, ask yourself how you can STRETCH yourself:

How do you do MORE? – For example, making more sales in your business or doing more reps in the gym.

How do you do something SOONER? – For example, doing something that you might not be ‘ready’ for in your head but stand a good chance of achieving if you can put your fears and doubts aside.

How do you impact MORE PEOPLE? – For example, finding a way to share you creative work with a bigger audience by going on a podcast or something.

These are just random examples but the idea is you need to find a way to STRETCH yourself – this will make you feel more alive and you’ll get better results faster (probably).

2. Reach out to somebody new or to somebody you haven’t spoken to in a while.

Find a way to make or rebuild a connection. Probably, there’s somebody out there you’d like to meet or haven’t spoken to in a while – send them a message (RIGHT NOW) and organise a phone call or something. People need people and – as long as we’re choosing the right ones for us – it makes us feel good to have real connections.

3. Stop talking to whatever fake or dramatic people are holding you back.

Related to number 2 but if there are people out there that only bring drama or toxicity to your life then remember the sacred mantra: “Gimme something real or GTFO”. Make the decision to start fading them out – you’ll thank yourself and have more energy once it’s done.

4.Commit to going for a walk and/or exercising most days of the week.

If you don’t exercise then start exercising. It’s the best way to increase your energy levels and ensure that you’re able to go out and do all of the other things you want to do. At the bare minimum go for a walk around the block or something – MOVE YOUR BODY (if you don’t already).

5. Replace a ‘Static Habit’ with a ‘Growth Habit’

A ‘Static Habit’ is just killing time for the sake of it (which we sometimes need to do to unwind); a ‘Growth Habit’ is one that carries you forward.

Examples:

Static Habit: Playing video games, watching Netflix, scrolling through social media (none of these really take you anywhere you want to be – you’re just EXISTING).

Growth Habit: Reading a book that serves your purpose or some emotional ‘thing’ you’re dealing with, calling somebody important to you and having a deep conversation, exercising, journaling, etc. (these kinds of things help you live a better life – you’re LIVING).

Everything has an opportunity cost and so the time spent on the Static Habits just takes away the time you have to go deeper into life with the Growth Habits.

6. Sit down and create a vision for yourself

A lot of people make life hard for themselves because they don’t know where they’re going. Sit down and spend some time asking yourself the hard questions: What do you wanna do before you die?

A simple exercise (from this post about Routine) is to just ask yourself what you want to be, do, and have.

Don’t make it complicated but having a direction will serve you more than not having one.

7. Drink some water

There’s a good chance you’re dehydrated. Drink some water.

8. Call the important people in your life at least once a week.

We’re all gonna be dead one day which means that the people in our lives are gonna be dead too. Value them and the time you can share whilst you can. Make it a regular thing because one day you won’t be able to do it at all.

9. Stop spending money on crap you don’t need and use it to invest in yourself instead.

If you’re addicted to Amazon Prime or spending money on crap you don’t need then commit to spending some of that money on investing in yourself. Maybe it’ll be a course, a class, or coaching – whatever it is, make sure it takes you where you want to be and levels you up.

10. Find a way to do something creative

A lot of us are out of touch with our creativity – make some time to do something that’s creatively meaningful to you, even if it’s only a small thing like doodling or whatever. Try and become more present by using your creativity as a vehicle for finding reality.

11. Throw some stuff out, clean, or tidy up

Most of us have spent time accumulating things that we don’t need. Go on a rampage and find some stuff in your house to throw out or donate to charity or whatever.

Clean something in your house too whilst you’re at it (or maybe just rearrange things to make things more tidy). It’s a reflection of your headspace in many ways.

12. Stretch your body (people don’t do this enough)

Go on YouTube or wherever and find a stretch routine that works for you (e.g. if you’ve got a tight neck search for that). Most people hardly ever stretch their bodies but it’s one of the most amazing things you can do for yourself as it loosens you up, relaxes, and refreshed you.

13. Find a way to GIVE something

It’s paradoxical but GIVING makes us feel good and makes us more open to life as a whole. How could you give something to the world right now? There’s always something you can do.

14. Read three books about something you want to know more about.

If you want to learn about a new topic then find three books that you’ll read in that area. For example, maybe you wanna learn about ‘Stoicism’ – find three books that are about that subject and you’ll probably have a good base-level understanding by the time you’re done (obviously, you can’t read three books right now but you can figure out what they’re gonna be and start the first one).

15. Write something free flow style.

You’ve probably heard of ‘Morning Pages’ – if not, it’s a thing where you wake up in the morning and then just write a stream of whatever words flow out of you. You don’t have to do this in the morning, though – you can do it right now: get a pen and some paper and just let yourself write a pre-determined number of pages about…whatever.

The idea is to let your unconscious make itself conscious so you can unleash what needs to come out and see what’s going on beneath the surface of yourself. You can use that AWARENESS to make your life better.

16. Meditate

Sometimes, I think people get too worked up about meditation and treat it like a Olympic Event. Really, it just means closing your eyes, focusing on your breath, and if you catch yourself thinking instead of focusing then returning back to your breath (without judging yourself).

You can do it for as long as you like (no rules) and if you need some assistance or you’ve never done it before then try a ‘Guided Meditation’ on YouTube or an app like Insight Timer. These kind of guided meditations come in all shapes and sizes so if you’re trying to be less anxious, more wealthy, happier, whatever there will be something out there.

17. Choose a time to go to bed and stick to it tonight.

Good sleep will change your life (to state the obvious) so decide on a time to go to bed and then stick to it tonight. Don’t use your phone at least an hour before and drink some water to increase the odds of actually sleeping!

18. Use your phone less

Unfortunately, you kinda need a phone to survive the modern world but you can definitely improve your life by using it less. Make a decision right now to stay mindful of when you’re just scrolling for the sake of it or texting because you’re bored or whatever else is sucking you into the digital world instead of the REAL one.

19. Put a to-do list together every day

Make a list of the things you need to DO today and then cross them off one-by-one as you go through it. Anything you don’t do today can carry over to tomorrow’s list. I do this every morning before I get to work and it keeps me on track with everything that needs doing. It’s simple but made me way more productive.

20. Listen to podcasts whilst you’re doing boring tasks.

If you want to make boring tasks more interesting then listen to podcasts whilst you’re doing them. I used to hate washing the dishes, for example, but now I use this as an opportunity to listen to podcasts about the areas I want to GROW in (business, etc.). There are loads of opportunities to multitask like this so level your time up by making use of them.

If you want a good podcast then check out Creative Status (*cough* – it’s my podcast): anchor.fm/creativestatus (or on any podcast app).

21. Check your calorie intake with MyFitnessPal or some other app.

Most people don’t know how much they’re eating so the odds are you’re either eating too much or too little for your height and weight. Download MyFitnessPal or something similar and monitor your calories for about a week or two – this will give you some good information you can use to make better choices overall (depending on your fitness goals, etc.)

22. Eat more leafy greens with your meals.

You can make any meal healthier by chucking some leafy greens in there. Throw in some spinach or kale or whatever to some of the things you eat today.

23. Check your posture and straighten your back.

Your posture affects your energy levels by affecting your breathing. Bad posture also screws you up in later life. Are you sitting up straight as you read this? If not then straighten up! Keep checking in with yourself throughout the day.

24. Take the stairs when you have a choice between them and a lift/elevator.

You might not literally be able to do this RIGHT NOW but next time you have a choice between the stairs and the lift/elevator then take the stairs. Future ‘You’ will thank you for it if you make this a consistent habit!

25. Say ‘No’ to set healthy boundaries (when you mean it)

Ask yourself what you need to start saying ‘NO’ to in life more often – this will show you where you have room to start setting healthier boundaries!

26. Develop a routine for yourself that will let you grow and enjoy life.

Sit down and spend some time developing a weekly routine for yourself that supports your growth and helps you be the person that you want to be.

This post goes into it in more detail: olianderson.co.uk/routine (you can probably add some stuff from this list to your routine t o get going).

27. Go outside for a prolonged period (at least once a week)

Most of us spend too much time indoors but outside is where it’s at – find somewhere ‘Outside’ where you’d like to go and then make a plan to go there for a prolonged period of time (i.e. for a hike or something). I do this most Sundays and it always acts as a reality reset button and makes me feel good, gives me time to find clarity, and shows me some amazing things too.

28.Think and act for the long-term, not the short-term.

Get into the habit of asking yourself “What does ‘Future Me’ need right now?” – yeah, it’s ‘fun’ to live in the short-term sometimes and just do whatever we want to do but if you do that all the time you’ll just pay the price later on down the line. Choose a VISION for yourself and live to make it happen and become the person that’s aligned with it.

29. Buy (and then use!) a foam roller

If you’ve never used a foam roller then you’re missing out – it’s an amazing self-massage tool for removing tension from your body. Get one and hop on it to release some of that deep tension that your muscles has (that you probably don’t even know about until you get on the foam roller).

30. Do the ‘gratitude’ thing.

Sit down and write out a list of things you’re grateful for – there’s probably a lot more than you might initially think and gratitude has the added bonus of making you more open so you can FLOW with life.

Conclusion: There’s loads of stuff you can do to start improving your life RIGHT now. What did I miss (leave a comment)?

If this inspired or helped you then please share it with others! 🙂

Sign up for my mailing list if you want to stay in touch (you’ll get access to the 7-Day Personality Transplant for uncovering your life purpose):

If you want to find your own real life, start moving towards unconditional acceptance, and finding a sense of purpose then check out this 7-Day Course that you can start right now.

Show Up: How to Get Over Your Fear of Being Real Online and On Social Media

Published on November 4, 2022

Creativity/Mindset

Real Always Works

A common problem that I’ve seen a lot of creatives and business owners ‘suffer’ from when they come to me for advice is that they’re SCARED to show up online.

This is different to not wanting to show up – if you’re not interested in being online then that’s a different story but if you’re actually interested or – even worse – have a NEED to show up (for your business/brand/whatever) then this problem is actually pretty serious because it holds you back from getting actual RESULTS.

This isn’t to say that the internet and social media are magical panaceas and that they’re going to guarantee you riches and fame (if only) but if you want to raise awareness of your creative work, business, or whatever else then the internet is an essential tool for getting ‘out there’ and connecting you with the RIGHT people.

This article is going to give you some practical steps for getting over your fear of sharing the REAL version of yourself on the internet.

It’s going to cover some of the most common obstacles people face as well as looking at some of the PRACTICAL steps you can take to start getting out there.

Before we get going, we need to make the point that the MAIN thing stopping you from getting out there in a REAL way is the imaginary JUDGEMENTS of imaginary people out there in the world.

From what I’ve seen with some of my clients, the main reason they don’t get started is because they create a phantom in their minds that projects forward into a future where they’re being mocked or ostracised by society as a whole for sharing the ‘wrong’ thing online.

This is just two things projected out into the world and stopping you from taking ACTION:

It’s your own judgement of yourself and your unresolved feelings that you’re not good enough (so you assume others will see you in the same way).
It’s your belief (maybe unconscious) that you can’t handle the consequences of being disagreed with (when if what you’re sharing is TRUE you definitely can).

Most of what we’ll be talking about in this article is about getting you to a place where you can deal with both of these things but you need to be committed from the outset to being on YOUR OWN TEAM – if you’re not, then you’re just gonna make life difficult for yourself because you’ll stop yourself doing the real stuff and “real always works”.

Here we go:

Figure out who you are, what you’re saying, and why you’re saying it.

The main reason that people find themselves unable to show up online and say something real is because they lack AWARENESS of what’s real about them, what they need to EXPRESS because of this realness, and why it’s worth sharing in the first place.

If you don’t spend some time figuring out this kind of thing then you end up getting ANALYSIS PARALYSIS which is just a fancy way of saying that you have so many potential options that your brain becomes overwhelmed and so you freeze up and do nothing.

When you start to figure out who you are and what stems from this then you narrow down your options a little but you do this in a way that refines your message and makes it easier to share.

Figuring out who you are: Just means that you do a little work to DIG INTO your true values, your true intentions, your true opinions and points of view, your own STORY (without any BS), or anything else that helps you understand yourself.

All of these things can be translated into messages – i.e. what you’re saying – for example, if you value creativity but your story has been that you’ve grown up in a world that doesn’t value the same thing then you can share stories about how you fought to nurture your creativity in a soulless world (for example).

The point is this:

When you figure out the real ‘stuff’, it makes it easier to EXPRESS it.

The first step to showing up online, then – or anywhere else, really – is to be diligent in setting the scene of your life by uncovering this kind of awareness.

The short version is this:

Uncover something real.
Live something real.
Share something real.

To make life even easier for yourself you can ask yourself why share what you’re sharing – if you understand, for example, that by sharing your story you’re helping other people to become stronger in their own lives (or whatever) then that makes it easier to stay motivated and consistent in producing content in the first place.

It also makes it easier to keep riding through the rocky terrain of the internet in general when you don’t get the results you want or people disagree with you (etc.).

If you have CONVICTION in what you’re doing because you know your ‘why’ then the judgements of others and – more importantly – the judgements of YOURSELF are way less likely to hold you back from the real stuff.

Figure out who you‘re saying what you’re saying to.

You don’t need to appeal to EVERYBODY – that’s a mistake that a lot of people try and make in life and online but it just holds you back from being real and it prevents the right people from connecting with you at the DEEPEST possible level.

As the old saying goes: “A friend to all is a friend to none” (or something like that).

Showing up online is a lot easier when you do the work laid out above (figuring out your values, etc.) and then being strategic about reaching out to other people that are on your wavelength or – at a bare minimum – will benefit in a REAL way from your message.

You’ve probably read about figuring out your ‘Ideal Customer Persona’ or working on your ‘niche’ – both of these things are great advice because they help you to get an understanding of the kinda person you’re ‘speaking’ to with your content.

Spend some time reflecting on these things. If you want to figure out your niche (and a lot more related to this kind of thing) then check out this free video workshop I made:

The point is that you don’t need to appeal to everybody and so you don’t need to aim your content to everybody either. Figure out who you’re talking to, make sure it’s somebody you actually WANT to talk to because you share things like values and aspirations, and then direct all of your online content at them in a way they can relate to…

Don’t be scared to polarise.

A consequence of not appealing to everybody is that not everybody will agree with you – that’s fine and dandy but if you have some emotional ‘stuff’ going on (like SHAME) then disagreement will make you feel like there’s something ‘wrong’ with you when there isn’t and so you’ll start holding back or stop sharing your message.

Here’s a little mantra that will serve you well here (stolen from the physicist David Bohm):

“Your opinions are something that you have, not that you are”.

In other words, your opinions don’t DEFINE ‘you’ as a human being – they’re not the real essence of what it means to be you.

If you forget that then when somebody disagrees with you online then you can fall into the trap of thinking that they’re disagreeing with you fundamentally as a human being.

Of course, some other shame-driven people actually might think that about you if your opinions trigger their ‘stuff’ but – even so – the bottom line is that an opinion is just an opinion so you can remain outcome-independent and not let it affect your self-worth.

Actually, because this is just something that is going to happen to you when you share things online – i.e. people disagreeing with your opinions – then you might as well USE IT to your advantage by turning up the VOLUME on some of your more ‘controversial’ or real opinions (without trying to be CONTRIVED and creating controversy for the sake of it – just not holding back what’s TRUE).

This might seem ‘scary’ at first if you’re not used to it but because you’re not trying to appeal to everybody (see the point we made above) your polarising opinions serve to do two really important things:

They act as a SIGNAL to call the people that you DO want to communicate with to you (because they’ll likely either share these opinions already and respect you for sharing them or they will learn something new from what you’re saying and respect you for that).
They serve to help you RISE ABOVE the noise online and help you to get attention that you need (for the sake of your business, etc. – not for the sake of filling an emotional void or whatever by seeking empty attention as an end in itself).

There is so much noise online and most of it is just people sharing the same old boring, safe opinions and ideas because most people are scared to leave their comfort zones and be REAL.

Being polarising cuts through the noise and allows you to rise as a signal instead. The payoff is that this will connect you to others and help you build confidence as you handle whatever disagreement arises and connect with those that actually matter to you and what you’re doing.

Don’t try to be something or somebody that you’re not.

The biggest mistake that a lot of people seem to make online with their content is that they attempt to come across as something they’re NOT. This might make them feel good in the short-term but if the whole point is to build REAL connections then it’s just setting them up for failure.

The most simple example of people trying to be something they’re not is when they present themselves as being a ‘guru’ or ‘expert’ in some area and so attempt to come across as though they have ALL the answers, are completely INFALLIBLE, and can solve absolutely every problem that you might have in a given area.

This is an example of somebody being a CONTROL FREAK and trying to control the way that their online audience sees them so that they can feel a certain way about themselves and feed into their ego ‘stuff’. It’s also completely UNREAL because NOBODY has all the answers, everybody is fallible, and nobody can solve all of your problems.

Trying to be something that you’re not – on and offline – is something that we do when we have an emotional need to play it safe and to try and control situations because of insecurity and lack of confidence in our abilities.

When we have true confidence in our abilities then we are able to do two really important things:

Admit where we don’t have answers or have room to grow – because we’re not trying to be an ‘expert’, just somebody who has learned certain thing in our own lives and continues to grow and evolve.
We are able to be spontaneous and therefore REAL – because we’re not trying to control the moment but we’re being in it and just sharing from the REAL place of where we actually already are in TRUTH (not where we want to make it look like we are for our own ego or attachment to certain outcomes).

The short-version of all this is that you obviously need to be able to DELIVER whatever it is that you’re telling your audience you can give them but you don’t need to be ‘perfect’.

Being perfect is BORING and it makes you harder to be humanised and to build an actual connection with people.

For example, if you’re trying to come across as some perfect ‘guru’ type creature you might think that you need to present yourself as being impeccably moral, successful, and never making mistakes. Only sharing that side of yourself – i.e. your successes – might seem interesting to you and make you feel like you’re showing yourself off to the world in the way that you want to be seen but… it’s not real.

EVERYBODY has failure. Everybody has made mistakes. Everybody has screwed up. Everybody has a dark side to their nature.

You can only really CONNECT with people by sharing your stories and if your story is just “I won and everything is great” then nobody is going to find that engaging or – more importantly – relate to it.

It’s the failures, lessons, obstacles, and challenges that make you interesting so don’t be scared to share that stuff. Even more importantly, it’s not just about the past – even right now, we’re all learning things and facing challenges. Don’t try and be something other than the perfectly imperfect human being you are in truth.

If you find yourself trying to overinflate your image of yourself with the things you share online then ask yourself ‘Why?’ – more than likely it’s because you’re JUDGING yourself and so you’re using your content as a vehicle to try and hide from your judgements. Actually, by hiding in that way you’re just exacerbating the problem as it’s a form of avoidance.

If you wanna be real, then share the real stuff. It will get you better results anyway because it will stop you being BORING.

Work on being spontaneous and consistent.

Spontaneous and consistent might not sound like they go together but if you want to show up more online that’s what you need to work on.

In this sense, ‘spontaneous’ means that you’re not over planning every little detail and you can actually enjoy the process whilst consistent means that you’re posting or showing up wherever you’ve decided to be REGULARLY.

Only if you’re spontaneous in your approach to producing your content can you allow your REALNESS to shine through in it – that might mean making a video and just following prompts or bullet points instead of robotically reading a script or it might even just mean opening your mouth and going for it raw (that’s my favourite approach – have a look at my YouTube channel).

If you’re writing content then being spontaneous might just mean that you don’t choose the topic you’re going to write about until it’s time to do so. That means that when you start writing you’re writing about something that’s FRESH to you and your experience at present (that’s what I’m doing with this article right now – reflecting on thoughts I’ve had about this area over the last few days).

This approach is REAL because it connects whatever you’re putting out to the learning journey that you’re currently on and it keeps you growing REAL (which is what it’s all about). You can still do things like add SEO strategy or hashtags or whatever but as long as it fits within the wider context of who you are, what you have to say, and why you’re saying it (like we said above) then it should resonate.

The ‘Consistency’ part means that you set yourself some kind of structure of when you release your content. That basically means having some kind of Rolling Content Calendar that you’ll stick to from one week to the next – for example, on my calendar (email if you want the template and I’ll send you it) I post on this blog/site on Mondays and Fridays.

That consistency is good for my own creative process because I know what I’m doing but it’s also good for my readers who know what to expect. Knowing why you’re doing things on what day is obviously important (I chose twice a week because it’s good for SEO) and it depends on the platform you use but the point is that having structure keeps you ACCOUNTABLE and being spontaneous keeps you REAL and you need BOTH to get RESULTS.

Add Value: Entertain, Educate, Elevate & Tell Stories

All this talk of content and sharing things is fine but you need to make sure that you’re ADDING VALUE to the people that you’re communicating with. This means – first and foremost – that your content isn’t just about ‘You’ but it’s about ‘Them’ and their own lives: the problems they’re facing, the values they share, the lessons they want to learn, and their own experiences (etc.).

This means your content has to actually be ‘good’ otherwise you’re only showing up in a way that benefits you (and that’s ego).

I think the best content does all four of these things but if you can do just one or a couple, you’ll increase the odds of adding value which makes it easier to really SHOW UP:

Entertain: Basically means, don’t be BORING. Don’t just be a humourless ‘guru’ or whatever but put your actual personality into things and make people laugh. If you’re not funny, share something novel or that grabs attention.

Educate: People read and share content online because it educates them in ways that solves their problems or gives them valuable information that can help them in their lives.

Elevate: This is the BIG one in my opinion: it means that you’re helping people to GROW MORE REAL by sharing things that help them on their own life journey to become more WHOLE. It means sharing valuable insights and ideas that make life better.

Tell Stories: Finally, you need to at least give access to your story somewhere. Stories are how human beings really CONNECT and get to understand each other and that’s what it’s all about. You can also weave stories into the things that you share in general so that it’s more engaging and relatable. That’s why I share my story on my site so people can understand where I’m coming from.

Practice makes imperfect

When you first set out – especially with video – you’ll try and be perfect and to play whatever ‘role’ you think you need to play to come across successfully. Eventually, you’ll feel comfortable enough to be imperfect and to show the REAL human side of yourself to the world (which is what they want you to GIVE anyway).

This is why you need to just practice. You can start making videos on your phone or whatever – just choose a random topic – and then watch it back and delete it. Do this a few dozen times (or whatever) until it doesn’t feel ‘weird’ and then share it with a select bunch of people and build in increments before you’re ready to share with the world at large (unless you’re feeling brave then just dive in and post it somewhere).

Like most things in life, the more you do it, the easier it’ll get – even with things like having people disagree with you or even troll you and say horrible things to you (you’ll realise it really doesn’t matter and having trolls is kind of a compliment in a strange way).

Ultimately, the reason to practice isn’t so that it becomes perfect but so that it FLOWS and, ultimately, this comes down to being CONSISTENT and focusing on the things that are real to you and that are worth sharing with the world even if you share them imperfectly.

The more you talk about certain things (or write about them) the easier it will become (trust me). You’ll start to notice connections between things and certain themes will keep arising that become the ‘building blocks’ of whatever content you’re working with (for example: one of my ‘building blocks’ is REALNESS: I’ve talked and written about it so many times now I could do it with my eyes closed).

Set yourself a routine and then stick to it. Don’t try to be ‘good’ at first – in fact, don’t try to be anything. Just let what needs to come out come out and then keep building by continuing to be consistent.

Conclusion: Show Up by Showing Up

If you want to start showing up more online then start by SHOWING UP for yourself first and foremost. Figure out who you are and what you’re all about and be ready to stand for the TRUTH of whatever that might be in the face of the world’s judgements.

The biggest gift you can give the world is your REAL self and there has never been a better time to do it. Figure out where you want to share your message, learn the technical stuff required to do so, and then just get out there and show the world what you’re made of – you only get one life so you might as well SHOW UP in it.

Book a call with me here.

If this story inspired or helped you then please share it with others! 🙂

Sign up for my mailing list if you want to stay in touch (you’ll get access to the 7-Day Personality Transplant for uncovering your life purpose):

If you want to find your own real life, start moving towards unconditional acceptance, and finding a sense of purpose then check out this 7-Day Course that you can start right now:

Creativity

Reclaiming the ‘old’ you so that you can grow into the REAL you.

Reconnecting to your SHADOW is the path to your REAL life.

Balancing control and spontaneity – tension and release – is the key to a fulfilling life.

Morning Routine #1: Wake Up the Body

Morning Routine #2: Quieten the Mind and Emotions and Find Presence

Morning Routine #3: Plan Direction for the Day Ahead

The transmutation of sexual creative energy for REALNESS in life and relationships.

Two Paths to Sexual Transmutation: Vision & Intimacy

Thank you!

How to Reawaken Your Creativity (By Living in a REAL Way).

There are different levels of creativity and the REALEST level is making unconscious conscious.

Making the unconscious conscious made practical.

There are different levels of creativity and the deepest level is the most natural and REAL.

Thank you!

What your REAL core values are and how to live them.

What are core values and how do you define them.

Your core values shape and colour your whole life.

Some examples of core values.

When defining your core values, you need to define them on your own terms.

Any transformational journey involves three stages: Awareness, Acceptance, and (inspired) Action

You can start to figure out what your core values are by asking the right questions.

What to do with your core values once you’ve figured them out.

You can do values elicitation work in a real way or an unreal way.

Thank you!

There’s a high chance that you’ve become disconnected from your own nature – this article will help you get back in touch with something REAL by understanding the concept of SEXUAL POLARITY.

The big nature vs. nurture debate and REALNESS.

Unreal relationships are when you’re not grounded in reality itself – you’re either too much or too little of some idea.

The Unreal Masculine

The Unreal Feminine

The creative process is the process of allowing the unconscious to become conscious.

Thank you!

Demystifying the Law of Attraction so you can get REAL results.

This mini-course is about how you can use the law of attraction to get REAL results.

This mini-course has six modules.

Your inner vibe will affect your outer world. No question.

A Quick History of The Law Of Attraction.

The only way you can really find out if the law of attraction works is to start using it.

Some common misconceptions about the law of attraction.

Write down a list of things you want to attract in your life.

The problem is NEVER the problem (but REAL ALWAYS WORKS)

Thank you!

Small actions with big results over time.

1. Take whatever goals you have an turn the volume UP.

2. Reach out to somebody new or to somebody you haven’t spoken to in a while.

3. Stop talking to whatever fake or dramatic people are holding you back.

4.Commit to going for a walk and/or exercising most days of the week.

5. Replace a ‘Static Habit’ with a ‘Growth Habit’

6. Sit down and create a vision for yourself

7. Drink some water

8. Call the important people in your life at least once a week.

9. Stop spending money on crap you don’t need and use it to invest in yourself instead.

10. Find a way to do something creative

11. Throw some stuff out, clean, or tidy up

12. Stretch your body (people don’t do this enough)

13. Find a way to GIVE something

14. Read three books about something you want to know more about.

15. Write something free flow style.

16. Meditate

17. Choose a time to go to bed and stick to it tonight.

18. Use your phone less

19. Put a to-do list together every day

20. Listen to podcasts whilst you’re doing boring tasks.

21. Check your calorie intake with MyFitnessPal or some other app.

22. Eat more leafy greens with your meals.

23. Check your posture and straighten your back.

24. Take the stairs when you have a choice between them and a lift/elevator.

25. Say ‘No’ to set healthy boundaries (when you mean it)

26. Develop a routine for yourself that will let you grow and enjoy life.

27. Go outside for a prolonged period (at least once a week)

28.Think and act for the long-term, not the short-term.

29. Buy (and then use!) a foam roller

30. Do the ‘gratitude’ thing.

Thank you!

You might be interested in

Real Always Works

Figure out who you are, what you’re saying, and why you’re saying it.

Figure out who you‘re saying what you’re saying to.

Don’t be scared to polarise.

Don’t try to be something or somebody that you’re not.