by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Creative Status is a podcast about using creativity as a vehicle for improving your life by deconstructing ego, integrating the shadow self, and designing and manifesting a real life.
Every episode explores how the creative process can help you GROW REAL by moving towards wholeness in yourself by making the unconscious conscious.
In this transformative episode of Creative Status, we embark on a journey through the seasons of trust with Raman Hari, an intuitive coach with a passion for guiding individuals to embrace their inner power and purpose.
Trust as a Cornerstone: Dive into the essence of trust and its critical role in our lives. We discuss how trust is the foundation for letting go of fear, living without constraints, and allowing intuition to guide us towards our true potential.
Seasons of the Self: Raman shares her wisdom on navigating life’s seasons – from the winters of introspection to the summers of action. We explore how aligning with these natural rhythms can lead to a deeper sense of peace and fulfillment.
The Dance of Yin and Yang: Engage with the delicate balance between the masculine and feminine energies within us. Learn how embracing both can lead to a harmonious existence, where intention meets flow and action coexists with surrender.
Integrating the Shadow: Uncover the transformative power of facing our shadows, as each season reveals aspects of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. This process of reintegration leads us back to a state of wholeness and intrinsic trust.
Creative Status: Where Trust Unfolds Realness
Join us in this heartfelt conversation that weaves together the threads of trust, balance, and self-acceptance, as we learn to honor the season we’re in and trust the process of returning to our authentic selves.
Stay real out there,
Oli Anderson
(www.olianderson.co.uk)
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Episode Links:
Raman’s Website: http://www.ramanhari.com
Raman on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ramanhari3/
Creative Status Links:
The Creative Performance Transformation Lab: olianderson.co.uk/creativeperformance
Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/olijanderson
My YouTube channel: youtube.com/olianderson
Get my books on Amazon: amazon.com/author/oli
7-Day Personality Transplant System Shock for Realness and Life Purpose: olianderson.co.uk/systemshock
Free one hour creative workshop to take your creative brand or project to the next level: olianderson.co.uk/creativeworkshop
Free 90-Day Journal Challenge: olianderson.co.uk/journal
The Law of Attraction for Realness (mini-course): olianderson.co.uk/lawofattraction
Trusting The Seasons of Life & Balanced Intuition (Show Transcript)
Intro
Oli Anderson: Oh, hi there. Oli Anderson here. You’re listening to Creative Status. It’s a podcast about using the creative process as a vehicle for growing more real. If you’re new to the podcast, welcome. If you return into the podcast, thank you so much. And, it’s nice to spend some time with you virtually again.
Here on Creative Status, we like to explore life itself, the human condition, some of the universal truths that we can accept and live with in order to move towards wholeness, a sense of connection to ourselves, connection to others, connection to life, allow our purpose to reveal itself and so we can flow instead of force things.
Today’s interview is with Raman Hari. Raman is an intuitive coach and for that reason we talk about all kinds of issues related to intuition. But we mainly focus on one of my favourite topics in the world, which is trust. If you don’t know, trust comes up a lot on this podcast because ultimately, when you break everything down to the building blocks of the human experience, trust is the thing that is the, biggest game changer. If we can trust, we can let go.
If we can trust, we can live without fear. If we can trust, we can allow our intuition to tell us where we need to go sometimes. If we can trust, we can basically just relax into being what we need to be. And so all of the other virtues like patience and things like that, ultimately stem down to our capacity to trust. So anyway, we talk a lot about trust, we talk about balance, we talk about yin and yang. It’s a great interview.
So Raman, thank you so much for your time. There is a slight glitch on the audio, so I apologise for that. That’s the recording platform I was using, so I’m not going to be using that anymore. but either way, this is an awesome interview, Raman, thank you for your time. Once again, everybody else, hope this helps you to, go deeper into trust, go deeper into realness, and to live the life you want to live. Here we go. Thanks a bunch. Boom.
Interview
Oli Anderson: Oh, hi there, Raman. Thank you so much for joining me on today’s episode of creative status. We’re going to be talking about probably my favourite topic in the world or something that I seem to be obsessed with, at least throughout all of these podcast episodes recently, which is trust. Before we get into it, do you feel like introducing yourself, telling, people what you do, what you’re all about, and also what you want to get out of this conversation that we’re about to have?
Raman Hari: Ooh, I love it. Yes. Thank you. For having me on, Oli? Yeah. My name’s Raman. I work as an intuitive coach and really been leaning into trust a lot lately. I help people with, really into their intuition and into that spirit that is within them, so that they can really step into their power and their potential and their purpose.
So lots of really fun stuff. I am, super excited to have this conversation. I feel like there’s so much that we can talk about in terms of trust and kind of what stops us from feeling that peace in our life. So, yeah, really excited to be here with you.
Oli Anderson: That’s awesome. And I love how you just linked trust with peace. I think when I really reflect on this idea now of, like, just trusting life, that’s ultimately what it boils down to, like, peace. If we can learn to trust, and I think learn is the key word, because it’s kind of, it’s basically like a muscle that we can stretch, is what I found, then we can kind of flow a lot easier and we don’t have fear holding us back and all that kind of stuff, because I now believe that fear is the opposite of trust.
And, we can just feel a sense of kind of inner peace, if you want to call it up. So before we get too deep into it, I suppose let’s just start with, like, your experience, if that’s cool. Like, what is, what is it about trust that’s got you riding this kind of wave that I’m getting excited about as well? Like, recently, it sounds like you’ve kind of tuned into it as well or something.
Raman Hari: For sure. So I think a lot of people are looking for more peace nowadays. something happened with 2020 pandemic COVID, all that, where it feels like more people are feeling almost more distrusting of life and more irritable or anxious or it’s. Something happened there. And so I think people are looking for that trust more than now, more than ever.
But for me, it really started when I was born, but I was very young when I started to experience a lot of social anxiety. And I just had a lot of anxiety in general. And, for me, I find that the opposite of anxiety is peace. And that peace really comes from trusting and trusting in life. And, one of my favourite things that I ever heard that I carry with me all the time is, I don’t know if you saw that Steve Jobs commencement speech at one of those Ivy League colleges. but he talked about trust and how, you know, when we look forward in life, we can’t actually connect the dots of what’s going to happen and what’s going to lead you to that next thing or that next career or that next person or whatever it is.
But it’s only when we look back that we can connect those dots. And so what he talked about was how, we have to trust that one day we’re going to look back and the dogs will connect because they actually will and they already have. If you look back in your life, like, whoever is listening to this, maybe you’re 15 or you’re 20.
Either way, you’ve lived some time on this planet where you can look back and connect some dots on how things worked out in a way that you could not imagine. So, that’s something that I think about often is Steve Jobs, man, he really knew what he was talking about. I loved it.
Oli Anderson: Yeah, yeah, that’s so true. Like, one of the ways that I’ve kind of taught myself to trust in what’s coming, at least, is to look back in exactly the way you said and to realise that a lot of the, you know, the bad in scare quote things that I’ve been through sucked at the time. But now that, now that I’m further down the line, I’ve really kind of just learned to see that, like, they were a blessing.
I, like, I didn’t realise that when I was going through it because like, obviously my ego was getting in the way and like, I was resisting life and where it was taking me and like, all the illusions I had to let go of and all that kind of stuff. But in retrospect, it’s exactly like you said. You always see that the dots lined up and everything is always just happening in the best possible way.
And I suppose you could say, you know, that’s just, some kind of cognitive bias. Like, we look back and we’ve put everything in a narrative and we try and just make everything make sense. But, like, it really seems to me that, like everything is happening in a way that is allowing us to just become more real. That’s what I call it, right?
Like, whatever we go through is making us more connected to wholeness. And if you just take that as a basic premise of life and being a human being, then everything that happens, good and, bad, is just all part of this overarching process of going deeper into life. Something like that. And if that is the case, which it seems to be to me anyway, then we can just trust at all times. Even if bad things do arise in the future, we know that eventually we’re either going to die so we won’t have any problems or, like, something will emerge out of that, probably. So am, I being too idealistic or is that how you’ve kind of experienced it as well?
Raman Hari: Here’s the thing. You can look back and yes, you can tear apart your life and only focus on the negative. And we all know that all that does is it releases cortisol in our body. It causes havoc and disease and illness. And so I think there’s something really powerful about that.
Just realising when we do look at the positive of what’s come out of our life without negating, like, the hard times and not, you know, obviously feeling our emotions and whatever is happening. but when we really focus on that positive, it genuinely changes our physical body, changes what’s going on chemically and, you know, in our biology. That’s incredible. Right. So I think there’s something really powerful to be said about that. It’s like our bodies almost nudging us in a way. We can smile that the more we can actually look back at the positive, the healthier we can be. So really thing that I about often.
Oli Anderson: Yeah, that’s really interesting. So maybe I’m opening a can of worms over one of the ways that I’ve. I think I’ve got better at trusting. And basically for me now, trusting is just letting go of that need to control things that you can’t control and trying to force life according to some plan that you’ve come up with in order to kind of, I suppose avoid that fear. It’s almost like a self-perpetuating kind of thing.
But anyway, one of the ways I think that I’ve been able to kind of do that is by really like, helping my nervous system to become regulated by doing things like yoga and meditation and all that kind of thing. And normally when we’re talking about those things, we think, okay, it’s like a, it’s a nice mental workout. We can, you know, just learn to relax and all that kind of stuff. But I think it’s exactly like you just said as well.
Like, it helps our biological systems to be better equipped to be able to deal with life and the uncertainty of moving forward in the way that Steve Jobs was talking about, where we don’t know, what’s coming and what dots are going to connect or even if they are going to connect. And so ultimately, if our nervous system is healthy, you’re as healthy as possible. We have a stronger foundation for being able to trust with our mental attitudes and all that kind of stuff. So I don’t know if there’s anything there that’s, you know, relevant to the thing that your work, that you do.
Raman Hari: So relevant. I love doing my yoga stretches every morning. That puts me in a good set for the day. but something I think about often is the fact that we’ve been giving this. We’ve been given this free tool. It’s free 99 and it’s called our breath. We have our breath all the time. and obviously there is something there.
There is something powerful there that we’ve been given. And so it’s not that we don’t have sources, it’s just we’re being resourceful enough and realising that we have everything right here. And so, yeah, I mean, I love yoga. I love really breathing and getting still going out into nature. Those are some of my favourite things. And one thing that I always like to come back to is play.
Like actually having fun in life, I think we get so damn serious about everything. Like you said, we’re all going to die and we are on a rock floating throughout our space. And so it is important to see that, you know, we don’t have to be so serious. And, you know, in the beginning of my coaching work, I did a lot of inner child healing with my clients. And what I found was, yes, let’s acknowledge the inner child.
Let’s acknowledge the stuff that we’ve suppressed. Let’s acknowledge the fact that when we were young, someone told us that he wasn’t worth anything. And so now we’ve suppressed this creative part of ourselves and whatever, let’s acknowledge all that stuff. But at the same time, the inner child, what that inner child wants more than anything is to play and to be free and to have fun. And so going into that is also so healthy for our nervous system. And I think that’s something we don’t talk about enough.
Oli Anderson: Yeah. Yeah. Do you think the play thing is linked to trust as well? Because ultimately, I think when we’re trusting, we’re kind of living in a. We’re living in a way where we’ve been spontaneous, so we’re not holding back because of all that social conditioning or because of self-doubt and all the emotional baggage that we’ve picked up over the years.
We’re just acting in a spontaneous way, but we’re also kind of controlling that spontaneity because we have a kind of vision for where we’re trying to get. And if we can play within that kind of space, then in a way, we’re going to be more trusting as well, because I suppose the opposite of play is that seriousness, which really is just fear, ultimately. And if fear is the opposite of trust, then play, maybe, is a way to start cultivating this kind of trust muscle that we keep talking about.
Raman Hari: Yes, absolutely. I think it’s all so linked and interconnected. And, again, when we focus on only the difficult things, we forget that life, for the most part, is not made up of difficult things. Like, right now, we’re sitting here. Anyone who’s listening, we’re safe, right? Like, you. You are so safe. And, and life is happening, and. And the stuff that’s hard, like that comes, too, but that’s, like, 0.01% of life. Like, the actual really hard moments or those moments where you might actually feel unsafe.
And so really tuning into that is really big. But you’re right. Like, you really hit the nail on the head with the play and the trust being so interconnected. I’ve actually, I haven’t thought of it that way. but I think, you know, there is something to be said as well for planning, and I love planning. I love envisioning my future and setting goals, and I think that’s a beautiful thing. And it’s not that we completely let that go, but because it provides some structure. And honestly, if I didn’t have an idea of what I’m doing tomorrow, like, that doesn’t seem fun to me. I do like to have some fun things in store.
But it’s trusting, I think, is also allowing yourself to make those plans and trusting that if those plans don’t work out, it’s all right. And the right time to trust is always right. Like, what’s gonna be is going to be, and we don’t have to force anything. But, yeah, make the dang plans. I have plans this weekend. I have some fun plans coming up. but if those get derailed, it’s not gonna end my life. Do you know what I mean?
Oli Anderson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. I think this is a really important thing that you brought up. Like, ultimately, it’s about. About finding balance. And so the way that I like to think of it, when I’m thinking about the trust thing, there’s two different kinds of trust. There’s trusting ourselves, and then there’s trusting life, and we need both. Trusting ourselves just means that we do what we can do.
Like, we have to take action. And I think, you know, I’m happy that you brought that up, because sometimes when we talk about trusting the universe or trusting God, and all this stuff, we act like we don’t have to act like we don’t have to do anything. But actually, it’s still incumbent upon us to make plans and to decide what we want and to figure out where we go in to have a vision and all that kind of stuff. But then the next level, besides just trusting ourselves to be able to handle what ah happens and to do what we’re responsible for doing is to trust life when it gets to that point where we’ve done our best and it’s time to forget the rest, basically.
And I think that’s the, that’s the sweet spot. Knowing when we have to let go of our abilities, let’s say, to be able to control things or to force things and to know when to stop. It’s kind of like, do you know the Taoist concept of what it basically is? The Taoist concept of Wu Wei? Effortless action.
So you like doing things, but with, you’re doing things without doing things sometimes. Because sometimes the best action is to do nothing and to wait for a new opportunity to arise or to wait for something to change or whatever it is. And I think if we can learn to trust ourselves, to be able to let go, then we can put ourselves in that space, and that’s when we can actually do both. We can make plans, but we’re not so attached to the plans that they take us out of the flow or they take us out of reality itself.
Raman Hari: Oh, my gosh. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That balance is just beautiful. And I think you’re really touching on this balance of masculine and feminine as well, because the masculine is the envisioning, the goal setting, and the fun. And I think it’s so interesting how we do this as a society, but I think for so long, everything was very masculine, and now I think we’re all, we’ve swung the pendulum all the way to the other side where we’re like, oh, no, no, no.
Now we’re gonna go all feminine. And, and I think we do this a lot in society, in general. Like, you’ll constantly seeing, you’re constantly seeing the pendulum swaying from one side to the other. But it’s like, like you said, there is this middle way of that balance. And, the masculine is more of the envisioning, and the feminine is more of the flow and also just being, And those are energy states, and those are. And those are ways of showing up. It’s not necessarily, male female kind of a thing, but it’s the state of, how we show up. And I love that.
Cause that balance is so key. I find that if I’m too in the feminine and I’m like, flow, flow, flow. And I don’t make any plans, then I’m kind of like, what is my future? What am I doing here? And if I’m too in the masculine, then usually I’m a little too rigid.
Oli Anderson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this is. I think we need both, though. Like, whether we’re in, whether we’re male or female, we need to find the perfect balance for us of yin and yang or masculine and feminine. So, if we’re only in, in yang energy, only in masculine energy, that’s when we just forced life all the time. So we’re constantly on the grind, we’re constantly pushing. Basically, we’re asserting ourselves on life constantly.
And if we constantly assert ourselves on life and force ourselves on life, then we’re going to stress ourselves out. Basically. We’re going to cause friction, frustration, and then misery and depression, because we can’t force life completely. That’s neurotic. It’s the illusion that we’re omnipotent and that we do have total control over life. But on the other side of the coin, if we too feminine, if we’re just yin all the time and we’re just like, well, I’m just going to let go completely.
And I’m not going to decide anything for myself and use all my human volition and capacity to make decisions and choices and take responsibility for my life and blah, blah, blah. Then we become so open minded that our brains fall out. And in both of those cases, whether we go to the extremities of, yin or the extremities of yang, we end up distancing ourselves from life itself because we had been so reactionary that we can’t respond. And so I’m really starting to think of this now. There’s kind of a zero point.
And I think the way into it for men and women may be slightly different. Like, obviously, I’m a guy, so I can only talk from my experience. But for me, I’m generally quite a young person. So I’m very disciplined. And I’ve got loads of, habits that I try to do every day. And I normally know what I’m doing when, and I can. If I say I’m gonna do something, I’ll do it basically.
And then I’ll push through until I get the results that I want. That’s very young. But obviously, if I push through too much, then I’m gonna end up falling into that trap. I just talked about where I’m forcing life. And so for me, I’ve found that I can really stay in a consistent flow state by kind of pushing and having some tension, but then releasing. It’s like tension release, tension release, tension release, if that makes sense.
And if you can live like that, then you can flow more. So I feel like I’m in the flow state quite a lot by pushing, but then letting go, if that makes sense. And I don’t know if it’s different for somebody who’s more feminine, predominantly more yin. Like, if they have to be like really open and flowy, but then sometimes they have to add a bit of yang energy to kind of get into that zero point. And I think the end result is the same. We’re all moving in the same direction, which is just wholeness and that balance. But I think the paths into him might be a little bit different. So that’s just me throwing out some completely random theory. I don’t know what you think about.
Raman Hari: It, but I love it. That made sense. I mean, I feel like it’s. It. I feel like everyone’s a little bit different, and I think that zero point that you talk about is going to be a little bit different for everyone. And, Yeah, I mean, I grew up very masculine. I’ve been working since I was twelve. Don’t ask where I was working when I was twelve. I was just like busting tables at a restaurant in the summer.
But, yeah, no, it’s just I feel like I grew up very masculine and I still, to this day, have to remind myself that, all right, okay, yeah, I can be more soft and I can be more playful and have more fun, and that is such a valuable energy to have. And I think, it just depends on who you are and maybe you grew up more feminine and you want to feel into more of like, wow, how would it feel like to actually be a little more assertive here or, you know, speak up for myself or, any of that? So I think it really depends.
And some people might feel called to be super in their feminine in this lifetime, but, for me, I just, I love a little middle ground of bone. I’m like, I like the spiciness of the masculine, and I like the softness of the feminine. Like, I like a little sweet and salty, you know what I mean? Post. So, yeah.
Oli Anderson: Yeah.
Raman Hari: Depends on the person.
Oli Anderson: Yeah, I suppose it depends what we want as well. So, like, it’s hard to explain I suppose, but, like, if we, if we’ve decided that we have, like, a vision, for where we’re going in life, like, say we want to create a new business or we want to, I don’t know, write a book or do something that is going to involve consistent effort over time and kind of navigating cause and effect to be able to reach the point where we’ve achieved whatever it is that we’re trying to achieve, then we’re gonna have to bring in some kind of yang energy, some kind of masculine energy.
Because ultimately, you know, and, I mean, m for people who, you know, think I’m being misogynistic or whatever, I know all I mean by, you know, yang energy, masculine energy is like this yin Yang definition of just forcing life to some extent to get where you’re going. But then if we, if we only force in that way, then we’re basically gonna go mad, like I was saying. And so it is about finding that balance.
But ultimately, what I’m saying is, like, if we. If we want to achieve something, then we’re gonna have to bring in the yang energy. But I think the Wu wei thing, the effortless action is bringing in that, I guess, balance, our feminine balance, so we don’t become so attached to what we want that we lose sight of ourselves and we lose sight of life. Something like that.
And so I suppose what I’m trying…And what I’m trying to figure out, I guess, is like, how. How do we stay in that state without losing a perspective, I guess, like a real perspective of what it means to, like, be authentic. Because, you know, all this talk of masculine feminine, like, we can put them on as like, masks or whatever, but how do we find that. That true? Balance, I guess, is what I’m trying to figure out. And I don’t have any answers. And I might just be, you know, making things up.
Raman Hari: Totally. I mean, I. First of all, I love that you mentioned attachment and, this feeling of, like, taking action and not being so attached. I think that’s such a key thing to feel into. now, balance is a funny thing because sometimes I’m like, yes, okay, I understand balance. But then other times, I feel like balance doesn’t really fully exist.
Like, you can’t always be full balance all the time. So for me, I feel like we go through different seasons and, maybe you’re in a season where you are more in the, you know, I don’t really know what’s next for my life. And I don’t have that vision right now. And so I am more in that like receptive mode. I’m just feeling into what feels good, what I’m curious about, maybe more in that energy. And so I think it depends on the season. And for me, like this past winter, like I’d say like December, I was in a very feminine, like I was healing some, like physical stuff.
And so for me it was all about, okay, like right now this is a season I’m in and I’m accepting that and I’m going to celebrate that. This is where I am. And you know, maybe I’m grieving a little bit of that, like, oh, shit. Like I kind of want to get shit done, you know, energy. and so, but really celebrating what season you’re in. And so I think some seasons, some seasons I’m very masculine and that’s just what that season is requiring from me. And so I think really tuning into that, not always going to be 100% just like how in relationships if you feel like one day you, you’re bringing 100%, of your energy and you’re like, yeah, like, ah, I can do everything. And then the next day you might feel like, oh, babe, like, I’m gonna need you today because I’m me. So I think it depends.
Oli Anderson: Yeah, yeah, that’s a very important point. And it’s so true. Like it comes in, it comes in cycles and waves. I guess it’s like tension and then release. So, like if we get into this, say we have a season where we’ve been very young and we’re just kind of going at it basically we’re just grinding and, you know, pushing towards our vision or whatever. Eventually we’re going to burn out because you can’t stay in that state forever.
You’ll literally just kind of run out of energy and then stress yourself out and die. And so, you get to a point, I guess, where you’re like, right, I need to go to the other side of the spectrum and get some of this, yin energy and kind of just relax, wind down. And then during that period of been in the yin, then you’re probably going to get some inspiration about what your next moves need to be and your intuition is going to be doing whatever it needs to do beneath the surface.
And then when the time is right, you’re going to go out there and be more young again until maybe that’s another way of looking at this zero point. Because the way I was looking at the start of the conversation is if you design your life in the right way, you can kind of maximise the amount of time that you spend in the flow state of the zero point, as we’re calling it. But actually, another approach is probably healthier as well, is the one you just said where, okay, basically you trust your body and your mind and your emotions to tell you what you need, and then you kind of let go of the ideas that may be taking you away from that, if that makes sense.
So, for example, if you’re in a very young place and you’re just forcing things and blah, blah, blah, you might get to that point where you do need a break, but you’re so attached to the idea of, like, moving towards that vision that you don’t take a break and then you burn out. And so maybe there’s something there on the trust thing, which is just super simple, just learning to trust ourselves, to be able to tell what kind of energy we need to go into, if that makes sense.
Raman Hari: Absolutely. I think that’s. I love that we’ve brought it full circle back to the trust. and, you know, the truth is, the reason I talk about intuition so much and trust and more of, like, these are more feminine concepts, right. Intuition and trust. The reason I talk about that stuff so much is because of the season that I’m in and how, you know, a lot of my life, I feel in, like I said. And so for me, these topics are things I hold close so I can remember over and over again. Right.
But for someone else, maybe they grew up very feminine and they never take action. And so, you know, they might be learning more about that masculine and, like, oh, right, I am allowed to take action and I. And it is going to be hard. And like you said, and there’s, you know, I, I heard something recently where someone said, you know, when you have intention, the word tensions in it, and so you can have intention, but to move forward, there’s tension. And so I really, I’ve been feeling into that as well lately.
Just this feeling of, it’s so fun to dream, you know, and be in that really receptive, excited, curious state. and then taking the action does. It takes a bit. It’s uncomfortable. So, yeah, I don’t know if I answered the question at all, but I kind of went off there. I do that sometimes. but, yeah, I think, like you said.
Yeah, we’re going up and down and I just, I always go back to the seasons and how, you know, I’m sure in the springtime, I don’t know all of the, you know, the physics, the, like, the nature of it, but if you look out into nature, this, you know, cherry blossoms are blooming in the spring.
There’s so much happening, so much happening. Things are coming back to life and I’m sure it’s taking a certain amount of energy for all that to happen. Now in the fall, everything’s just releasing and it’s letting go. And so nature is constantly showing us these cycles of, intention, planting seeds, right. They grow in however long. Right. It’s just so beautiful. It’s already out there in nature. Nature as well. trusting in our own nature, I think, is huge, like you said.
Oli Anderson: Do you think, like, sometimes we might be in a certain season, but we don’t realise it because of the attachment stuff that we were talking about. And maybe, you know, maybe about to go through a winter or whatever, but we’re still identifying as somebody who’s in summer or whatever it is, and that ultimately ends up causing a kind of friction for us. And I guess what I’m saying is, like, sometimes, because we fear to face reality and the season that we’re actually in, in life, because we’re scared to let go of, as the seasons change or whatever it is, we end up putting ourselves in the wrong energetic state, if that makes sense.
And I suppose the question for you is, like, how do we. How do we know when a season’s over? And, how do we know if we’re just attached to the idea of a season versus actually moving with the seasons as they change? Do you know what I mean?
Raman Hari: Yeah, that, that. I get that. I think if you feel like you’re actually flowing with the seasons, you’ll feel that in human body, that’s a peaceful, peaceful state to be in. Now, if you feel like there is tension and there is this frustration and you feel burnt out and you feel like maybe you’re distracting yourself all the time and now you’re like, on Netflix for 16 hours and you didn’t realise and it keeps telling you, like, are you sure you want to continue watching? And you keep watching and you’re like, I don’t like. You know what I mean?
It’s, you know when you’re not, like, feeling fulfilled at, peace. And sometimes we don’t know until, like, we know, like maybe someone’s listening to this podcast and they’re realising, oh, shoot, like, I’ve really been forcing something that doesn’t, that doesn’t feel right. And so I think having these sort of resources is so helpful, even for myself, because sometimes I’ll find myself forcing something and then I hear something and I see something or I intuitively feel something and that’s when we shift.
So, I’m grateful for podcasts like these because this is what keeps us reminded of that. And I also. I feel like a lot of the time we do this thing where we compare our winter to someone else who’s having a summer. And that is just going to create so much, just so much. What’s the word?
It’s like it’s not peaceful at all. It’s going to create so much tension and havoc within because it’s like someone is in Australia right now and they are experiencing a different season. And I’m like trying so hard to change happening. And so it’s. We do that a lot where we compare and, you know, I think sometimes we just gotta get off our dang phones, set our butt down and. And look at the season that we’re. Action. Yeah. just get real with ourselves.
Oli Anderson: Yeah. Wow. Well, I think ultimately we’re all on the same path, which is like a path that is naturally unfolding and it’s just taken us all towards wholeness. That’s how I see it. Right. So the abridged version of that, which I’ve said 6000 billion times on this podcast, is like in childhood, something happens. It basically causes to become, split or divided within ourselves because of shame, guilt and trauma.
Then we create the ego version of ourselves. And so we put that into the world and we’re just living this fragmented life as an idea rather than as an experience a lot of the time. And then the journey for most of us, for the rest of our lives, is to undo that conditioning and to return to realness so that we can start flowing with wholeness and all the kind of things that we’re talking about. The way that that works is that it’s going to take us through these natural cycles of just removing layers of fragmentation. So we become a bit more real and then a bit more real and then a bit more real again.
And ultimately that means going through these seasons like you’re talking about. But the only way we can go through the seasons is to actually accept the season that we’re in. And I think one trap that we can fall into in relation with all this stuff that we’re talking about is that some seasons seem more attractive than others. Like we think, okay, if I could just stay in the summer of my life and you know, I’m just gonna be flowing and in this yin energy and having a free flowing wonderful time all the time.
Then I can just kind of surrender to life and I don’t have to make any decisions for myself or whatever it is. And then it becomes a, it becomes a trap literally. Because the more we try and cling to the identity that’s keeping us in that season, the more we block that flow and the cycles. And so exactly like you said, like I might be in summer, you might be in winter, like somebody else is in autumn or spring. It’s a very personal thing. And so that’s why we have to, it comes back to trust again because we have to trust that the season we’re in and we’re going through is the best season for us.
And we also have to know when to let go of it because it’s always going to change. And like maybe, you know, as with life itself you’re going to get more than one summer. But I suppose as you get older and wiser you, you can appreciate it more or something. But the point I’m making is it’s really about acceptance ultimately. Like you said, you have to accept the season you’re in and then trust it to teach you what it’s going to teach you so you can go into the next one. And so it really does all come full circle with the trust thing, I think.
Raman Hari: Oh, exactly, exactly. You nailed it. And you know, with the really accepting the season you’re in also just recognising that every single season is nourishing you. Every single season. Like sometimes we think all winter, you know, it’s so dead and dry and whatever, but I mean, I live on an island and it rains all winter and let, me tell you, it could get real gloomy and a little depressing at times. But we’re like, we’re also so aware that that’s nourishing the island and like all the green that we have to look forward to is because of that winter, because of that gloom.
And so, and I think we have such fundamental beliefs about what is, good and bad and so we automatically think if I don’t feel good that’s like a bad thing. Or if I feel, you know. Yeah, like, like I said, if I feel bad then that’s a bad thing. But, the truth is that our emotions are just happening and if we can really allow them to just flow through us and know that they’re all nourishing us in some way, I think it would really help. It’s. It’s not like, you know, I’m sad today and therefore I am not valuable or something.
I think we have these ideas just because of, you know, if you want to be in the workforce and, like, be a productive citizen, like, if someone asks you how you are, you say you’re good, right? So we have these ideas of, oh, oh, shoot. Like, I’m not allowed to be a little sad right now, or I’m not allowed to feel a bit lost, or I’m not allowed. And so just giving yourself that permission to feel anything in all of it and embrace that because it’s nourishing us, that’s a part of the human experience.
Oli Anderson: This is a bit of a curveball. but do you think different seasons end up revealing the shadows of part of the process of going through these seasons and letting things fall away and learning to let go or to release certain emotional things or to integrate things we’ve been hiding?
Ultimately, as we go through the cycles of the seasons and learn whether or not to be in yin or yang, depending on who we are and the context of our lives at the time, all we’re really doing is just learning to be more real, which means that we’re removing the barriers, basically, to accepting life. And if in the way that we said and if we go through those cycles, then ultimately our identity is going to be way less rigid and it’s going to be pointing us in the direction of, like, the truth more than anything, I suppose.
And by going through those cycles, sorry to be repetitive, we’re basically bringing the shadow self to the surface because the identity was holding us back from facing. That is. Seems to be unreal. I know I’m being very kind of random, but does that make any sense?
Raman Hari: That does make sense. And I think, a really important part of our evolution is going through that and going through the uprising or the uncovering of those shadows. And so, yeah, you might be going through a season where you feel like, man, I feel blocked. What is this? Let me sit with this. And then, you know, you might, you know, have this, you know, these breakthroughs and revelations about how, oh, shoot, like, I’m not living. I’m not living.
You know, I’m not, going forward in the way that I always saw myself going or whatever it is. And I. God, I just. I keep thinking of this quote, which I wish I could quote, but I’m gonna butcher it. And it’s something like, I forgot who even said it, but they said something like, I’m starting to feel like the second half of life is letting go of all the things I feverishly collected in the first half.
And that letting go process is not easy. And, God, I mean, you were talking fragmentation. He was talking splitting of our internal self. And I, think that that is kind of what’s happening for a lot of our, you know, the first part of our life. And I think a part of the growth is, like you said, coming back to those parts of us. Re looking at those parts relearning and. Yeah, like getting real, like getting to, who we are. So I think that’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. And I’m glad you brought that up because it’s not all sunshine and roses all the time. All those parts do come up. Yeah, yeah.
Oli Anderson: But then the other thing there is like, it does take us totally full circle in a way, and it brings together a lot of the themes that we’ve kind of jumped over in this conversation. So when we integrate the shadow and we step away from the false identity and the split fragmentation that we’ve been identifying with up until that point, not only do we reintegrate all the parts of ourselves that we disowned because of the conditioning and the emotional stuff that we went through, we reconnect to the playfulness and all of the qualities, the spontaneity, etcetera, and the trust that were our birthright.
Anyway, I think, like, I think we’re all born actually very trusting. Like, part of, you know, developmental psychology is that we, we have to be able to trust our parents to meet our needs and things like that. And one of the reasons people get so screwed up is because that doesn’t always happen. And then they, you know, they don’t trust life and they become fragmented and etcetera, but that trust is always there. It never goes anywhere.
And so as we go through these cycles and through these seasons, the lesson ultimately, if. If we’re successful, and I don’t mean, you know, successful in schedules, but if we can go through those cycles and return to wholeness, then we return to trust as well. That’s really how I experienced it, I guess. And it’s not like we have to, Like trust is a muscle in the sense that we have to train ourselves to go against our conditioning. But really all we’re doing is just returning to where we were supposed to be all along.
And I think that’s ultimately what we’re kind of talking about, like trusting the process of getting back to trust something like that. And so we’ve throw. I’ve thrown a lot of random things at you in this conversation, and I do normally ramble on this podcast, but I’ve rambled more than usual. But, like, how would you sum all this up?
Because we kind of have gone full circle and there is, like, a theme that’s kind of emerging here. And, luckily for me, I’m going to put the onus on you to kind of summarise, that, if that’s even possible. So, if. How would you sum all this up, basically? Like, what is the main lesson of this conversation we just had? And, can you let people know where they can find you as well, like your website and stuff?
Raman Hari: Absolutely. Yeah. So everything that you just said, it reminded me of a quote that I once saw. And the quote goes something like this. The healed inner child is the God within. And when we can come back to who m that child is, who is trusting, then we can feel into that essence that has always been there. And like you said, we’re just unlayering. We’re looking at what it is that got split, in our personality, growing up. So the healed child is the God within us.
And so, to sum up this conversation, I mean, that quote, really, that quote. but also, trust. It’s always a good time for trust. and, God, what else do I wanna say? How do I end this? Wow. It’s been a fantastic conversation. I, think one thing I would like to leave with everyone is that all of this healing that we’re talking about, all of the stuff we talked about, it always comes back to love. And so, you know, whatever you’re doing, wherever you’re going in life, really, like, have compassion for yourself. You’re a human on this earth. Have compassion. Come back to love.
In terms of where people can find me: Ramanhari.com. That’s my website. You can see my offerings. Everything that I do is on there. And if you want to find me on Instagram, come say hi. It’s @ramanhari3. And those places can, get you to wherever you want to go, otherwise. But, yeah, those are the two main places. So thank you so much for having me on. This has been, seriously, so much fun.
Oli Anderson: Yeah. Thank you so much, honestly. And I’ll share all your links and everything in the. In the show notes. And, yeah, just. Thanks. Like, I really appreciate energy. It’s been awesome.
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