Everybody is F'd Up (So Don’t Worry About It) - Oli Anderson

by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

Everybody is f’d up but love them anyway (including yourself)

One of the biggest and most life-affirming lessons I’ve learned in life over the last few years on planet earth is this:

Everybody is f*ed up but love them anyway (including yourself).

Let that sink in – really, take a second. We have all day.

The reason that this little sentence is so powerful is because when you get it, see it, and let it move through you, a whole lot of ‘stuff’ that might niggle, frustrate, or even keep you up at night stops mattering:

You stop worrying about whether you’re ‘good’ enough, ‘cool’ enough, or even ‘normal’ enough; you stop wasting time wondering if people ‘like’ you or if you’re doing life ‘right’ – on the other side of the coin, you stop worrying and wondering about all these little things when it comes to others. Instead, you can just let yourself and others BE whatever it is that they BE.

This is the HUMAN CONDITION, people – and nobody gets out alive: everyone is carrying their own baggage, their own quirks, their own madness, and that includes me and you.

Once you really start accept this something shifts:

You stop trying to FORCE yourself or others to be anything other than what they are and – paradoxically – that’s where real growth starts to happen (because human beings are always growing and the only thing that stops the natural flow towards wholeness is a lack of acceptance).

Let’s dive in and get a little deeper:

Embracing the Human Condition

We all have our little oddities, insecurities, fears, and battle scars – welcome to the human condition:

Nobody is exempt because humans are gonna human and we all share more similarities than differences. No matter how polished someone looks on the outside, there’s always something going on beneath the surface and there’s always something to contend with sooner or later.

The problem is, most people spend their lives trying to hide or compensate for the so-called ‘brokenness’ that comes from being a little rough around the edges after going through some of the things that we all go through (shame, guilt, and/or trauma, F.E.A.R, heartbreak, loss, etc. etc. etc.).

This is totally sad and ironic though because it’s those quirks, cracks, and ‘defects’ that make us who we are (or as Rumi said: “The cracks are where the light enters you“).

When we stop fighting ourselves and getting lost in the fragmented mask of ego because we’re scared of facing our SHADOW SELF – when we stop trying to ‘fix’ every little thing and just be whatever it is that we is – we move into a state of wholeness.

And – when we’re connected to this place of wholeness (aka REALNESS) – we naturally keep evolving and growing (which is why ‘acceptance’ isn’t just about remaining the same but about letting go of the things that stop you becoming a deeper expression of your potential and who you really are).

This brings us back to a paradox: accepting where you are is what allows you to change and grow in a REAL way.

It’s when you resist reality instead of accepting it that you stay ‘stuck’ (including the REALNESS of yourself and your relationship with others).

Seeing the Madness (and Laughing at It)

The older I get (but let’s not talk about that), the more I look around and realise a fundamental truth about the human race: we’re just a bunch of lunatics.

And I mean this with love (because love and acceptance are the same ‘thing’).

Just look around you:

We’re all just casually and not so casually walking around with our peculiar ways of thinking, odd habits, strange fears, and contradictory behaviours. Some people hoard rubber ducks; some have to triple-check if the door is locked; some sing to their plants; some can’t walk past a mirror without flexing or pouting at themselves (yeah, I do this too sometimes).

It’s just humans being human (because humans gonna human).

So why does it seem like we can waste so much time worrying about being ‘normal’? Really, all that means is that we’re JUDGING for some reason and judgement is the opposite of acceptance so something doesn’t add up.

Once you realise that everyone else is as ‘off’ as you are and that you’re as ‘off’ as they are, then you stop judging yourself and others so harshly. You stop trying to smooth out every rough edge to fit in or have somebody fit to your (arbitrary) standards of what’s ‘normal’ and that’s when you start living and relating with REALNESS.

Because if we’re all a bit mad, what’s the point of pretending otherwise?

Depersonalising Other People’s ‘Stuff’

Now, let’s be clear: accepting that everyone is at least a little bit ‘mad’ doesn’t mean tolerating bad behaviour.

It doesn’t mean making excuses for people who are disrespectful, dishonest, or ‘toxic’ – it simply means understanding that when someone acts out, it’s not about you but about how well they can accept the human condition themselves.

Most of the time, people are just projecting their own unhealed ‘stuff’ onto the people and the world around them:

The person who snaps at you in the shop? Probably dealing with their own stress.
The friend who suddenly ghosts you? Likely wrestling with their own fears of intimacy or commitment.
The colleague who undermines you? They’re likely insecure about their own value.

This is all caused by them NOT accepting the human condition and the way that things are, judging themselves, and then projecting that judgement onto you. It’s not yours though. You don’t have to take it.

(And this works vice versa when you don’t accept things and project judgement onto others).

When you depersonalise other people’s behaviour, you stop taking on their energy and can protect your own so that you can invest it in something REAL.

You stop internalising their issues as reflections of your worth (or stop asking others to internalise yours because of your own control freakery and need to keep your ego where it is). Instead, you can stay in your own lane, hold your boundaries, and only engage with what’s real.

Or, as I like to say (from my book Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World): “Gimme something real or GTFO.”

Wholeness: The Art of Just Being

So where does this all lead us and how can we make it practical?

It leads to a simple but profound shift towards the TRUTH: the realisation that you are already REAL because you’re already WHOLE.

You can take all of these ‘judgements’ out of it because judgements are about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ but you and everybody else are REAL.

You don’t have to ‘fix’ yourself to be worthy – you don’t have to fit into some external mould to be valuable. Nor do you have to ‘fix’ anybody else or mould them into something that seems ‘valuable’ to you either (because they’re already ‘valuable’ – whatever the hell that means).

You just have to be what you is and allow others to be the same.

Because when you stop fighting yourself, you move into flow and – when you’re in flow – life starts aligning in ways you could never have predicted. The right people show up. The right opportunities arise. The ‘answers’ you were chasing seem to come out of nowhere. All because you started ACCEPTING and pulling things closer instead of RESISTING and pushing them away.

It’s not magic – it’s just realness.

Or, as I like to put it:

“I am that I am in wholeness and wholeness is in me” (from my new book Trust).

How to Apply This in Your Own Life

This all sounds great in theory (because it is lol) but how do you actually live it? How do you stop judging yourself and others, embrace all of the quirkiness of the human condition, and let life flow instead of forcing it to some made-up standard of ‘normal’?

Here are some practical ways to integrate this mindset and get more real about things:

1. Observe Without Judging

Next time you notice something ‘weird’ about yourself – an insecurity, a nervous habit, an old fear etc. –just observe it. Don’t label it as ‘bad’ or try to change it immediately but just see it for what it is.

The same applies to other people too – instead of reacting to their behaviour, try to see where it’s coming from. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you and they’re just running on autopilot in reaction to their own ‘stuff’.

2. Catch Yourself Overthinking

If you ever catch yourself spiralling – worrying about how you’re perceived, what others think, or whether you’re doing life ‘right’ – then…pause.

Remind yourself: everyone is winging it and making it up as they go along (it has to be this way because none of our ‘plans’ ever fully align with reality itself – the map is not the territory).

Nobody has it all figured out so let yourself off the hook and just DO YOUR BEST AND LET GO OF THE REST.

3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Accepting that people have their own baggage and emotional ‘stuff’ doesn’t mean letting them dump it on you.

If someone disrespects you, step back; if a relationship drains you, reassess it; if someone isn’t giving you realness, don’t waste your time trying to decode them and just move on (“Gimme something real or GTFO”).

You can accept people as they are while also choosing who you allow into your life – everybody is weird but you don’t have to let everybody in.

4. Be Weird, Be Raw and Real

Stop suppressing the parts of you that don’t fit some imaginary idea of what’s ‘normal’ (if somebody makes a moral or value-based judgement of you always ask “According to who?” and the answer will almost always have to be “Me” which means you can probably ignore it – unless they’re an omnipotent and omniscient God).

Want to wear a ridiculous outfit? Get it done.

Have a bizarre passion? Turn the volume up and go crazy with it.

Like deep conversations more than small talk? Find people who get it and dive in (a real conversation can change your life).

When you stop filtering yourself, you attract the right people because you’re putting something real out there. You’ll find those who love you for who you really are rather than some mask you were wearing to try and be ‘normal’.

5. Trust That You’re Exactly Where You Need to Be

You don’t have to have it all together to be ‘worthy’ (whatever the f that means) nor do you have to be ‘healed’ to be whole.

Right now, exactly as you are, with all your quirks, flaws, and eccentricities – you are already REAL.

And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you start living a REAL life.

Final Thoughts: Stay Real

In conclusion, life is messy, people are complicated and none of us are ‘perfect’, ‘normal’, or anything else that sums up some arbitrary and subjective moral standard.

So stop overthinking it and just be what you is.

Embrace the madness. Love yourself and others, flaws and all.

Because everybody is f’d up (even you) but you can CHOOSE to love them anyway (and, yes, you could say that ‘love’ is an arbitrary moral standard but it’s just what’s there when you REMOVE the judgements – not add anything).

Stay real out there,

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Real Always Works

Everybody is F’d Up (So Don’t Worry About It)

Everybody is f’d up but love them anyway (including yourself)

Embracing the Human Condition

Seeing the Madness (and Laughing at It)

Depersonalising Other People’s ‘Stuff’