by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

Changing Your Life by Using a Psychological Hack to Work With Your Unconscious Mind Instead of Against It.

Oh, hi there.

In this article, I’m going to give you a psychological hack that will change your life if you implement it.

Why would you need this hack?

Well, if you find yourself in a situation where you’re constantly running around like a blue arsed fly trying to get certain results in life, but those results are forever out of reach, then this hack is going to help you.

It’s going to help you to dig into your unconscious intentions and to step away from the surface level way of seeing and viewing things by helping you to DIG DEEPER so that you can reset or reconfigure what’s going on down in the depths of yourself and allow something real to surface.

Without using this ‘hack’, you’re just going to end up rearranging the furniture on the titanic whilst it still sinks because you’ll only be dealing with the SYMPTOMS, not the FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM (which is always a disconnection from your own realness).

In other words, without this hack you’ll feel like you’re chasing things and making progress but actually you’ll only running on the spot – because the things that you’re chasing are, not something that you want as much as you think you want. They’re just an extension of your ego as you attempt to fill the void (which is the illusion of disconnection).

So why would you want to implement this hack that I’m about to share with you?

It’s quite simple: A lot of people out there in the world – and you may be one of them – find themselves in situations where they’re constantly chasing something and they can never quite find it.

So, for example, maybe you’re chasing your dream relationship; maybe you’re trying to get more money; maybe you have some kind of a goal for your business or whatever it is, and…it just never happens.

A lot of the time we think that the core problem in attaining whatever it is that we want is that there’s some external thing, force or factor out there in the world that is preventing us and holding us back from acquiring or attaining whatever it is.

So, for example, in the case of relationships, we will just say to ourselves something like, “The world is going to hell, everyone’s a degenerate, and there’s only low quality men/women out there and it’s impossible to find a partner. Everyone’s so selfish and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

That’s an example of some externalised bullshit thing, and – if you externalise everything – you take your power out of your hands.

With the ‘money’ thing, maybe it’s the same thing, right?

You’ll say, “Well, there’s some external force out there in the world, the illuminati or whatever, and they’re holding me back from making money. And we live in an economy that’s fuelled by scarcity and yada, yada, yada. And I’m just always going to be poor.”

And so the externalisation of your goal basically puts you in a frame of mind where you’re never going to get it.

But here’s the truth:

Ultimately, the problem is not just the externalisation, but the fact that the externalisation is affecting the results that you get. And the results that you get are always showing you what you are actually choosing at an unconscious level.

This is where this ‘stuff’ gets a little bit offensive to some people but that’s what the truth often does (“The truth will set you free (but first it will piss you off and make you miserable”).

But ultimately, in these two examples that I just picked to pieces, if you can’t find your dream partner – even though you’re telling yourself that’s what you want – there is something going on inside you deep down where your actual, real intention is not to find your dream partner. And we’ll dig into that in a minute.

With the money thing, as, counterintuitive as it sounds – because obviously, we all love money, it makes life meaningful (joke) – if you can’t bring money into your life, well, for some reason, you are choosing not to, even though at the conscious level of the mind and the ego, you’re telling yourself that is your intention.

Actually, the reason these things keep staying out of grasp is because, when you dig into it, you’ll find at some level, you are choosing something else more than the relationship or the money.

The ‘hack’ that we’re about to talk about is about learning to understand that is that we can reverse engineer and figure out our REAL CHOICES that we’re making (unconsciously) by the results that we’re getting.

In other words, we’re going to learn to start looking inside ourselves and saying, “Hang on, what the hell is going on here to cause me to think and to tell myself one thing, but to choose the opposite?”

I’m going to give you some examples.

So, let’s start with some examples of imaginary people that sum up some kind of common ways this shows up in the world.

So let’s say, for example, the first person is an individual called Susie (just pulled that out of my ass):

For the last decade, Susie has either been single or in a bad relationship that didn’t last very long. And, on those long, lonely nights where she sat at home watching Netflix and eating Cheetos, she keeps telling herself that she does want a relationship.

The little hamster wheel in her head keeps thinking about relationships and how good life would be if she could get in a relationship. And then every so often, somebody comes along who seems like they might be a good fit. But as soon as they get involved with each other, Susie starts inexplicably becoming hypercritical and pushing these people away. Or, she can’t help but just focus on their flaws to the extent that she becomes totally turned off.

And then after a couple of weeks, couple of months, whatever is, the relationship kind of dwindles and dies. And poor Susie is back at home watching Netflix with all that Cheeto, dust over her mouth.

So that’s not good, is it?

Or maybe there’s another imaginary character called Bob who wants to start his own business. And he keeps telling himself that he’s going to be really successful. He’s going to do whatever it takes to get this business up and running so that he can make loads of money and support his family or wherever he wants to do.

And, he kind of knows the way forward: he’s created a business plan and a vision, and he’s done some market research and so on and so forth.

But, for some reason, when it’s time to go out there and start talking to potential clients or to communicating with people about his ideas, he always finds something else to do.

For example, maybe he just goes and spends time on social media telling himself that this is “research” or that he’s finding new ways to connect with people or some other BS story.

But ultimately, even though he keeps telling himself every morning when he wakes up that “today is the day” he’s going to actually fix his business and get where he needs to be, he just keeps procrastinating. He never gets anywhere. And even though he’s telling himself the same old story again and again and again, he starts to feel a bit insane because nothing ever changes.

Or what about this final example?

We have an imaginary woman or called Melissa and she’s a little bit overweigh and she doesn’t want to be because it’s taking too much energy – she can’t get up the stairs quite as fast as she used to without getting out of breath; she’s becoming insecure about the way that she looks, and she’s worried that people are secretly judging her as she walks down the street and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So she keeps telling herself that she’s going to go to the gym and she’s going to lose weight, she’s going to watch her diet, and that she’s making a choice for a healthier lifestyle so she can lose some weight and start to feel good about herself but – for some unknown reason -nothing ever changes:

She goes to the gym and she just kind of goes through the motions. She doesn’t really put any effort in or push herself to the edge, so her heart rate doesn’t go up, and she doesn’t burn any calories. And, when she does go home because she’s been to the gym, she ends up stuffing her face with whatever it is – some kind of a food reward that she feels she deserves.

And so six months into this exercise regime, despite this health and fitness program that she’s put herself on, nothing has changed – even though she’s been telling herself, keeps telling herself that she wants to make these changes, she’s just as overweight as she was and so she feels like banging her head against the wall.

What is going on in these examples?

A Mini Psychological Hack for Getting What You Want: Reverse Engineer Your Complaints

So, before we get onto the main ‘hack’, here’s a little ‘mini-hack’ that’s going to show you how to know if you have this kind of issue going on in your life:

The key here is to know that if you keep complaining about something, if you keep lamenting about something, then probably you have this kind of inner conflict that we’re talking about where you’re telling yourself you want something, but for some reason, there is something else going on inside you that is actually causing you to choose either the opposite or something else.

And the reason that complaining is a sign is because, ultimately, if you keep complaining about something, it means you’re keeping a problem in your life but you’re choosing not to solve it.

If you truly become aware of a problem and you truly accept what a problem is, then you will either do something about it and no longer have the problem, or you will just have to accept that it’s a fundamental part of life and reality. And so by going through the process of moving towards acceptance, you’ll no longer have anything to complain about (and, thus, the ‘problem’ dissolves).

And so complaining constantly about the same thing – not finding a relationship, not being able to lose weight, not being able to make money, or whatever it is – complaining constantly and chronically is a sign that your ego is invested in this story about a certain goal and a certain desire but – deep down beneath the surface of yourself – you have an inner conflict that is causing you to choose something else for some reason.

Stop and think about it now for a second:  what are you always complaining about?

The odds are very high that if you’re always complaining about it, then in some weird, backwards way, you’re choosing it, and you need to figure out why, so that you can put yourself on a real path and actually either resolve whatever it is that you’re complaining about or to let it go, because you accept that you don’t really want to change things (which is totally fine, btw).

You Can Reverse Engineer Your Real Intentions for Yourself and Your Life by the Results that You Keep Getting.

So this is where we come on to a deeper exploration of the main psychological ‘hack’ that I promised you at the start of this article:

It’s very simple. And ultimately it’s this:

You can reverse engineer your real intentions for yourself and your life by the results that you keep getting.

Let’s look at the examples we already explored:

If you consistently can’t find a relationship – that’s the result that you’re getting – then it just means that your true, unconscious intention is NOT to be in a relationship at some level – no matter what you’re telling yourself at the level of the ego (your constructed identity and all of the stories that you feed through it about life).

And I know that’s going to piss some people off because, of course, if you’re telling yourself you want a relationship and you’re going out there and you’re getting involved in all kinds of, unsavoury situations with people because you’re “trying to get in a relationship”, then of course you want a relationship.

So I’m probably chatting BS, right?

But no…if you consistently get the result of not getting the relationship that you want, then you’re choosing this result deep down for some reason – and this psychological hack of reverse engineering from the results is going to allow you to free yourself because when you understand why you have that deeper intention for something else then you can flip the script and start changing things.

(This deeper intention could be anything, and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with that because it’s unconscious so it’s not really your “fault” or anything, but it is still your desire, your true intention, even though it’s unconscious).

It’s the same with all of these results that I’ve given as example:

If you keep saying that you want to get more money from your business or whatever but it never happens and you’re just running around on the hamster wheel for years and years and years, then you don’t really want that (shock! Horror!) – at some level you have the intention for something else more and you need to dig inside yourself to figure out what that might be.

It’s the same with losing weight or anything (like literally anything):

If you keep telling yourself that you want a certain thing – you want to lose weight in this example now – and it doesn’t happen, then you need to ask yourself, “Okay, what do I really want? I’m telling myself I want to lose weight. But when I dig down into my shadow and to the parts of myself that I’m hiding from myself behind ego, what is actually going on?”

And that is the psychological hack again: 

The results that you get consistently, no matter what you’re telling yourself, actually show you what you are choosing deep down, more than whatever it is that you ‘think’ you want.

And that doesn’t mean that these things are ‘bad’ or that you’re chasing things that you shouldn’t be chasing. It just means that you haven’t actually done any work around inner awareness and acceptance of yourself to see what is actually driving your motivation more than – and that’s the key “more than” – whatever it is that you think you want.

If you’re not getting the results that you want then you need to be increase Awareness, cultivate Acceptance, and then take inspired ACTION

So let’s talk quickly about what you need to do once, you become AWARE of this hack – that’s always the first step: Awareness.

I’m always talking about the same thing: Awareness, Acceptance and Action (any transformational journey will require that you walk through these three steps).

If you’re not getting the results that you want, then ultimately you need start by becoming more aware be aware – in this case, of not getting the results you want, it starts by becoming aware of the fact that this is because you are (deep down in the unconscious) choosing something else MORE.

And it doesn’t matter what you’re telling yourself – the little voice in our head is just our social programming, our self-hypnosis, our response to our own emotional bullshit and stuff going on deep down inside ourselves and it’s just a surface level relationship with ourselves…it’s not REAL (“the ego is the opposite of reality”).

But there is a deeper level relationship that we all have – the most real relationship – and it is always driving our lives.

And so if you want to know more about this real relationship, you need to go through that first step that I shared with you of flipping the script and saying to yourself, “Right, these are the results I keep getting. Why might I be choosing that at some level?”

To get to the next level and go through the process of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, you simply need to start asking yourself the right questions so that you can dive deep into yourself and really get a grasp of why you in particular – based on what you’ve been through, your life story, who you are, etc. – why you in particular would have some kind of unconscious intention for something else.

So let’s say, for example, in the examples I gave earlier, the first person I think was an imaginary human being called Susie or something like that, whatever her name was,  kept telling herself that she wanted a relationship, but as soon as somebody came along, she would become hypercritical and she would push them away.

And so, just as an example, the story that she’s telling herself about what she thinks she wants, what she thinks she has chosen, is actually being overridden outside of her awareness with a deeper desire she has for freedom, let’s say – because when she was younger her parents were always arguing about little things and so on and so forth, and so she is paranoid about getting in a relationship, that’s also going to be fuelled by that kind of negativity (this is based on her imaginary life story).

So – as a protective barrier – she started getting critical and pushing people away so that she can maintain her freedom and not have to relive that experience from her childhood.

Maybe that’s all bullshit, right? I’ve just literally pulled that out of my ass. But the point is, there is some overriding desire that is driving you more than whatever it is that you keep telling yourself you desire but don’t get.

So in the case of Susie, she actually desires freedom more than a relationship, even though -for whatever reason (maybe because she just wants to fit into society and she thinks it’s what she’s supposed to do) – she keeps telling herself that’s what she wants.

In the example of, Bob, who is working on his business, he keeps telling himself that success is what he really wants:

“Okay, I want my business to succeed so I can provide for my family, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

But deep down, he doesn’t want his business to succeed:

There’s an overriding, desire for that because that’s his unconscious intention and it’s driving his life. And it might simply be because his dad, when he was a kid, was always away at work so Bob felt neglected and unloved and so he doesn’t actually want to replicate that relationship with his own kids.

And so, even though he feels like the best thing to do is to start his own business and to be successful, he actually has a stronger desire to just spend time with his kids. And, so ultimately there’s some kind of an inner conflict, but based on the results that he’s getting, that inner desire, the unconscious intention to simply just spend more time with his kids and not be so busy like a workaholic or whatever, that is actually overriding his choices and the things that he actually decides to do in life.

(Even though, ironically, if he could find a way – in this hypothetical example – to make his business work, then eventually he could spend more quality time with his kids because maybe they’ll have more money so he could pay people to work on his business or whatever)

The point is this (and it’s the same for anybody with this problem):

Even though he’s telling himself one story, there is something going on that is making him choose not to succeed in the way that he is telling himself he wants, and so he ends up writing a totally different story instead.

In the final example Melissa – who keeps telling herself she wants to lose weight and she just can’t do it – well, again, as offensive as it may seem to some people, there is something going on inside her where she is telling herself that she wants to lose weight, but deep down her real intention is not to.

It could be something really simple:

For example, maybe she’s worried that if she, does lose weight, then she’s suddenly going to be more attractive to the opposite sex. And then she’s just going to have loads of guys flinging themselves at her. And she’s actually insecure because she doesn’t know how to be vulnerable because she’s never really been in a relationship or whatever it is.

And so again (in this hypothetical example), her fear has has created an unconscious intention where she wants to be alone so that she actually can choose not to face her vulnerabilities and to grow towards intimacy in a relationship.

These are all just examples, but the point is that there will be something going on inside you exactly like this if you have this kind of problem.

If you’re constantly running around in circles, never getting anywhere and never making any changes in your life, then it’s purely because at some level there is something in you that is causing you to choose NOT to get whatever it is that you think you want – and all you need to do really, to start solving this problem and unblocking yourself, is to raise awareness of what this “something” might be.

If you raise awareness of it, you start to look at it head on. It’ll start to dissolve. But then – more importantly – once you go to awareness, you can accept it. And only if you accept it can you start to truly flip the script by replacing that intention with something real or, modifying the way that you go about ACTING on it.

When you get here, you can increase your odds of getting whatever it is that you think you want by upgrading it to something that you actually want.

Implementation: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action (It Works Every Time)

So, that was a lot of examples but let me quickly conclude and review by exploring a little more about the three-step process that is going to allow you to implement this psychological hack: Awareness, Acceptance and Action.

To raise AWARENESS, you need to use the hack that we’ve been talking about, which is, to reverse engineer the real intentions that are driving you and bubbling away beneath the surface of your ego and your relationship with yourself.

Like we said, you can reverse engineer by looking at the RESULTS you keep getting that you don’t want or that you keep complaining about.

If you do this then you can become more AWARE literally right now. That sounds very dramatic but it’s true: become aware that if you keep complaining about things, nothing is changing, then at some m level you are choosing it.

This awareness is the gateway to setting yourself free.

I may be painful in the short term, but – believe it or not (try it and find out!) –  in the long term, it’s going to put you on this path to changing things.

So that’s the first step. Awareness: reverse engineer based on the results you keep getting.

The second step after raising this awareness is that you need to ACCEPT whatever that real intention is.

And so ultimately, all you need to do is to ask yourself the right questions:

“Why might I, me – based on my experience and the things that I’ve been through – why might I have this unconscious intention for not getting what I keep telling myself what I think I want? What do I want even more that I’m actually chasing?”

And the key thing to remember here when it comes to acceptance is that “acceptance” ultimately means you’re going to be uncovering some truth – some reality –  about what’s going on inside you.

And, the thing with truth/reality is the only thing that you can do with it is ACCEPT it. You can’t judge it – if you start judging it, you’re taking yourself out of reality

The reason I’m saying this is because the only thing you need to do with your unconscious intention is to figure out what it is – based on reverse engineering those results – and then accept it without any judgment.

Like I said, an unconscious intention is still your intention, whether you’re initially aware of it or not. But it’s not something that you can judge or blame yourself for or you need to feel bad about.

If you have been saying yourself that you want a certain thing, but there’s something going on inside you that’s actually causing you to choose the opposite of that…well, it’s because of what you’ve been through; it’s because of the story that you’ve already lived and the way that you’re relating to it, based on your shame, guilt and trauma and all your underlying emotional ‘stuff’ that’s caused you to live in a little box (aka the ego).

And so the final point is this: just accept it. That’s all you need to do. Don’t judge yourself, accept it.

Once you have this ACCEPTANCE, then you have a solid foundation so that you can move on to the third stage, which is taking ACTION.

In this case, the action is twofold:

1. You either need to modify your relationship with the thing that you originally thought you wanted by realising that you’ve got this unconscious block getting in the way and then readjusting the plan that you’re going to implement as you move towards it.
   
2. You can replace the unconscious intention with a totally different intention. And all that means is that you ask yourself, “Okay, what do I really want? What is my vision for my life? What are my true values? What are my true intentions? And how do they conflict with what I have just uncovered about myself?”
   
   And then basically what you need to do is to train yourself – and I’ve got some other articles etc. about that on this site or a free 7-Day Course here – train yourself to think in alignment with the higher intentions and to not let this unconscious ‘stuff’ hold you back when it doesn’t need to.

So that is basically we need to say about this hack and how you can use it:

You look at the results that you keep getting that you don’t want and you find yourself complaining about chronically and consistently with nothing ever changing.

Then you can say to yourself now, “Okay, this is actually a sign that at some level, for whatever reason – and whatever reason that may be is fine – I am choosing not to acquire or to achieve or to attain whatever it is that I keep telling myself I need to be bringing into my life.

On a day-to-day practical level, this hack will and can change the game for you and it’s very simple and will cut out a lot of wasted time and energy because you won’t be running around in circles trying to change things that are out of your control.

The only thing ultimately any of us have power over, is our relationship with ourselves and so if you go through the process of AWARENESS – of understanding, that you can reverse engineer the results to figure out what you’re really choosing –  ACCEPTANCE (of whatever actually has caused you to choose something else or whatever it is that you are choosing instead more than what you think you want), and then ACTION in the sense of modifying your intentions and actions or replacing the unconscious intention with something else, you stand a much higher chance of getting where you want to be in life, feeling good, growing real and having a good time whilst you’re here.

Ultimately, we’re all going to die and so you might as well make sure that what you’re actually spending your time out there in the world running around chasing is something that you really want.

---

Join my mailing list if you want regular tips and insights about growing real and becoming more aligned with your creativity.

You’ll get access to my 7-Day Personality Transplant Video Course (with an exclusive 158-page workbook) when you sign up: