by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
(Originally written for my mailing list but it got a lot of good feedback so here we are on the site as well)!
Oh, hi there.
One of the most common ‘problems’ I hear from coaching clients (or people jumping in my DMs on social media) is struggling to manage time in a real way.
In this article, I want to share some practical tips for managing your PERCEPTION of time so that you can RECLAIM some of the time you’re wasting by thinking and acting in UNREAL ways.
Before that, some common themes that come up in these conversations about time:
-We all have the same 24hrs in a day and so sometimes when we say we don’t have time what we really mean is “it’s not a priority” (which is fine but let’s be real with ourselves and then start tweaking what we can).
-Ultimately, it all comes down to CHOICE; from one moment to the next what you CHOOSE to do with your time is up to you (yes, even when you think it isn’t).
-We all have obligations and demands on our time but if we have a vision and sense of purpose it’s easier to GRAB the moments of downtime and use them for growing real instead of distracting ourselves.
-Everything is about the Law of Cause and Effect and progress is always progress. If you take 7 small steps over the course of a week then that’s one big step by the end of the week.
-A lot of our time management issues are actually issues with our RELATIONSHP WITH OURSELVES and the way we trap and distract ourselves with our thinking (the rest of this article will break this down and give you some practical steps for reclaiming time at the level of your mindset).
Reclaim your time by reclaiming your mind
Mind Trap
Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet (and probably never will).
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Anxiety, fear of the unknown, lack of control.
Break the Pattern
Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques, challenge irrational thoughts, focus on the present moment.
TRUST that you can handle ANYTHING (because you’ve already handled everything that’s happened to you so far).
Mind Trap
Dwelling on things from the past that can’t be changed.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Low self-esteem, self-criticism, perfectionism.
Break the Pattern
Practice acceptance and forgiveness, focus on personal growth and the present moment, seek help if needed until you build a solid foundation to build on.
Mind Trap
Beating yourself up (mentally).
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Regret, guilt, attachment to the past.
Break the Pattern
Cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance, practice positive self-talk, take INSPIRED ACTION , and celebrate small achievements.
Taking action and getting EVIDENCE is the ultimate way to show yourself that the reasons you beat yourself up for are unreal (seen this with clients so many times).
Mind Trap
Trying to ‘figure out’ why you procrastinate instead of doing what you need to do.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Avoidance, fear of failure, lack of motivation.
Break the Pattern
Realise that all procrastination is about your FEELINGS. Think about what you WANT instead (see below).
Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and take the SMALLEST step towards action. Develop a reward system for completing tasks.
Mind Trap
Focusing on how youo FEEL instead of what you WANT.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Lack of clarity, emotional overwhelm, indecisiveness.
Break the Pattern
Reflect on long-term goals and values, set actionable goals, prioritise actions aligned with goals.
Mind Trap
Allowing yourself to be distracted because you haven’t figured out a strong purpose.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Lack of direction, lack of motivation, fear of failure
Break the Pattern
Explore personal interests and passions, set meaningful goals, seek clarity through self-reflection and exploration
Again: My free Personality Transplant can help you with this.
Mind Trap
Overthinking decisions.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Perfectionism, fear of making mistakes, indecisiveness.
Break the Pattern
Set a deadline for decision-making (and then STICK to it), weigh pros and cons, trust your intuition, and TRUST the process.
Mind Trap
Comparing oneself to others.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Insecurity, low self-esteem, fear of missing out
Break the Pattern
Focus on your own progress and achievements, practice self-compassion, limit social media exposure.
Realise that GROWING REAL is just about you vs. ‘you’.
Mind Trap
Engaging in unproductive debates.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Stubbornness, need to be right, fear of compromise.
Break the Pattern
Practice active listening, seek common ground, be open to different perspectives.
Find a relationship with the truth where you don’t need to DEFEND it (if you get defensive it’s about your beliefs, not the truth).
Mind Trap
Holding grudges.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Anger, resentment, inability to let go.
Break the Pattern
Practice forgiveness and empathy, seek resolution through communication, focus on personal growth.
Remember that holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot goal (only you get burned) – thanks, Buddha!
Mind Trap
Engaging in excessive planning/acquisition of conceptual knowledge.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Fear of uncertainty, desire for control, avoidance of action.
Break the Pattern
Set realistic goals, take small steps towards action, embrace flexibility and adaptability.
Remember that you don’t need to know everything – just ENOUGH (and you will always keep learning on the way).
Mind Trap
Over-analysing past mistakes.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Regret, self-blame, fear of repeating errors.
Break the Pattern
Learn from mistakes, focus on problem-solving, practice self-forgiveness.
Mind Trap
Indulging in self-pity.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Victim mentality, lack of resilience, avoidance of responsibility.
Break the Pattern
Cultivate resilience, seek short-term support from others if you need it (I can help), focus on solutions instead of problems.
Take the action that will help you BECOME who you CHOOSE to be.
Mind Trap
Worrying about others’ opinions.
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Insecurity, fear of judgment, people-pleasing tendencies.
Break the Pattern
Trust your own judgment, surround yourself with supportive people, prioritize your own values.
People-pleasing is one of the biggest time drains going. Set boundaries (which starts by saying “NO” to the unreal stuff and “YES” to the real.
Mind Trap
Seeking constant entertainment
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Boredom, avoidance of discomfort, lack of purpose.
Break the Pattern
Set meaningful goals, engage in activities that align with your values, practice delayed gratification
Constantly seeking entertainment and distraction is a sign of one thing and one thing only: you’ve lost touch with your purpose and you’ve stopped growing REAL.
Check out the 7-day Personality Transplant or if that’s too intense here’s a simple 7-Day REALNESS Transformation for rebooting your vision and goals.
Mind Trap
Engaging in negative gossip
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Insecurity, seeking validation, lack of empathy.
Break the Pattern
Redirect conversations towards REAL topics, practice empathy and kindness, foster supportive relationships
If somebody is gossiping with you about somebody else then odds are they’re gossiping with other people about you.
If you find yourself gossiping then it’s a good sign you’re not being real with yourself and you’re using conversation about others to keep your ego in place (which is unreal anyway).
Mind Trap
Holding onto negative relationships
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Fear of loneliness, lack of self-worth.
Break the Pattern
Set boundaries, seek healthy connections, focus on self-growth and self-care.
Remember that it’s better alone than in bad company – make a move to focus on your purpose and to face your realness.
Always remember the scared mantra: “Gimme something real or GTFO” (from Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World“).
Mind Trap
Being overly cautious and risk-averse
Psychological ‘Stuff’
Fear of failure, fear of change, lack of confidence
Break the Pattern
Gradually step out of your comfort zone and find your EDGE (by stretching just beyond your current ideas about yourself).
Focus on the potential rewards, seek support from trusted individuals.. Most importantly, learn to TRUST YOURSELF to handle what comes next no matter what.
Lots to be working with here (and I’ll keep adding to the list) but I wanted to show you how many opportunities we have to RECLAIM our time without reshuffling our life too much.
To get started CHOOSE one or two of these areas and start taking practical steps to changing things – that’ll be one step towards letting go of the UNREAL stuff and making space for the REAL.
I can help you with this ‘stuff’ if you need support – you can book a free discovery call here (or a ‘Virtual Coffee’ as I like to call it).
Thanks for reading and hope it helped!
Stay real,
Oli
If you want to go deeper into this ‘stuff’ then check out my free 7-day course for boosting your understanding of your own realness and helping you choose life purpose.
You can get more information here or you can sign up and get started by entering your name and email below:
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