emotions - Page 2

Don’t Talk to the Wrong People About Your Goals

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If you wanna reach your goals then the best thing to do is:

1. Cultivate AWARENESS – of what you want, WHY (so you can make sure it’s motivated by something real and not ego), and then of HOW you’re gonna do it.

2. Cultivate ACCEPTANCE – of where you are right now, what’s holding you back, and any emotional ‘stuff’ you’ve got going on like self-limiting beliefs, doubts, etc.

3. Talking ACTION – and being COMMITTED to it (not just interested – see my vid the other day), learning along the way, and responding to what happens.

Staying ROOTED in the REAL mode ain’t easy but you can make it a helluva lot easier for yourself by making sure you don’t talk to the WRONG people about your goals until after you’ve DONE it (when the results speak for themselves).

Examples of the ‘wrong’ people:

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW YOU BUT DON’T

People who think they’ve got ‘you’ and the ‘world’ figured out and so they just end up giving you UNWARRANTED advice which appears helpful but is really about keeping THEIR image of themselves in place.

SECRET HATERS/COMPETITION

People who appear like ‘friends’ on the surface but are secretly comparing themselves to every move you make – they secretly want you to FAIL but also want whatever info you can give them.

DOUBTERS

People who have always PLAYED IT SAFE in their own lives, never taken a risk, and will try and talk you out of trying to reach your own goals so they don’t have to feel bad about never making the REAL moves they wanted to make.

SELF-PROFESSED CREATIVE GENIUSES

People who will DISTRACT you by thinking they know your goals better than you and will give you all kinds of advice about how you should do it (despite them NEVER taking any real action or chasing their goals).

MISERABLE PEOPLE

If people are unhappy with their own lives then whatever they are doing ISN’T WORKING. If you take advice from them about your goals you’re just inviting the same kind of UNREAL thinking.

Keep your goals between yourself and a HIGHER POWER or between yourself and people who BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES and BELIEVE IN YOU too.

Anything else is just a distracton that will cause you to either doubt or distrub your vision.

Just DO it.

 

I can help you reach your  goals without the BS – check out my coaching page.

 

 

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Your Emotions are Asking You to Either Accept Something You Don’t or to Enjoy Something You Do.

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The final lesson is always ACCEPTANCE.

Everything else you learn and go through is just putting you somewhere on the spectrum between learning that final truth or getting caught up in JUDGEMENT and holding yourself back from life.

Everything we do is either teaching us how to be more OPEN and to go deeper into life or it’s causing us to put up our defenses and to RESIST (so that we can keep the EGO in place and avoid having to face the SHADOW TERRITORY blah blah – see my book Shadow Life).

The EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE of your life – in general – is a reflection of your CAPACITY and WILLINGNESS to ACCEPT reality.

If you accept, then you feel ‘good’ because you’re open and there are no/less barriers between you and where life wants to take you.

If you resist, then you fell ‘bad’ because you’re closed and you place illusory barriers (ego ‘stuff’) between you and life and it will forever slip between your fingers.

It’s so easy to attribute a lot of mental health problems to physical or chemical causes but – in A LOT of cases – the ‘mental health crisis’ is just a SYMPTOM of being in an UNREAL world that is constantly trying to distract people and make them forget about what it means to be a living, breathing human being.

Depression, anxiety, restlessness, and a lot of other things are just symptoms of the FUNDAMENTAL problem which is that people are scared to be REAL, have been conditioned not to ACCEPT themselves, the world, and reality and so don’t LISTEN to what their emotions are asking them to ACCEPT.

Instead of LEARNING the lesson, they’re just given pills to pop or ‘talking therapies’ that make them go over and RE-IDENTIFY with the same stories and narratives that made them miserable in the first place.

Negative emotions that LINGER mean that you’re AVOIDING a lesson.

In general:

Depression – means that you have LOST TOUCH with your purpose and stopped MOVING so you feel trapped.

Anxiety – means that you’re putting an unreal version of yourself out into the world and getting FRICTION as feedback.

Shame, Guilt, and Trauma – mean you let the world stop you BELIEVING in yourself.

Etc.

If you don’t learn to ACCEPT reality you’ll always be UNREAL.

 

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Your Shadow is All of the Things, ‘Positive’ and ‘Negative’, that You’ve Denied About Yourself and Hidden Beneath the Surface of the Mask You Forgot that You’re Wearing.

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Your Shadow Life is the real life that emerges when you face the whole of yourself without judgement.⠀
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Ever since Day One, you’ve been conditioned to be a version of yourself that has been deemed ‘acceptable’ by the world:⠀
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-Maybe you got rewarded with applause and attention for being a “good boy” and helping Mummy carry the shopping or some other ‘useful’ thing.⠀
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-Maybe you got rewarded with applause and attention for being a “good girl” and fluttering your eyelids and looking pretty.⠀
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-Maybe it was singing and dancing like a lunatic that did it. ⠀
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-Maybe it was being passive and “well-behaved”.⠀
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-Maybe it was getting good grades or being polite or just saying the right thing all the time.⠀
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Whatever it is, the world has conditioned you at the level of your BEING:⠀
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“Be this.”⠀
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“Don’t be that.”⠀
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“You SHOULD be this”.⠀
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“You SHOULDN’T be that”.⠀
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On and on it goes…an endless onslaught of bewildering and bewitching BULLSHIT that sends you hurtling into an unreal version of yourself that ends up building an unreal life for who you really are.⠀
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The truth is that hardly any of us escape childhood truly ALIVE because we’ve all had this nonsense pumped into our psyches for as long as we can remember: with enough repetition we don’t just end up being HYPNOTISED by the world but we end up hypnotising ourselves to boot.⠀
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We listen to the “Be this, be that” message so much that we send vital parts of ourselves into hiding by banishing them to the Shadow Territory.⠀
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This wouldn’t be so tragic if it was just the ‘bad’ sides of ourselves that got sent down there (though even the ‘bad’ is real at some level because what is real is whole and the whole is good, bad, and beyond).⠀
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Unfortunately, we end up sending our ‘good’ qualities down there too:⠀
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-Our joy and spontaneity.⠀
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-Our creativity.⠀
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-Our ability to love without thinking.⠀
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-Our capacity for INTIMACY.⠀
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-Our true sex drive and passion.⠀
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-Our compassion for others.⠀
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-Our ability to live with curiosity.⠀
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-Our lack of unreal fear.⠀
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-Etc. Etc. Etc.⠀
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The world doesn’t want you to be real because then you’ll be a threat to an unreal world.⠀
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Face yourself anyway.

 

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Your Relationship isn’t a Substitute for the Parents You Never Had.

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Your partner – or future partner – isn’t a substitute for your mummy and daddy.

It’s natural for our experience of ‘love’ to have been formulated in childhood by whatever our parents decided to pass down to us but ma and pa(ternal) love isn’t the same as romantic love.

Your partner is there to accept you at wherever you’re at and to grow REAL with you as they also grow into themselves and through whatever ‘stuff’ they have.

They don’t exist to be a substitute for mummy and daddy and to fix all of our childhood wounds or to fill whatever void you might have picked up (though they can definitely support you as you work to heal yourself in the container of the relationship as a whole).

As a human being, there are two general kinds of parents you can grow up under the ‘guidance’ of:

-Good Ones: Who will do their bests to love you UNCONDITIONALLY without letting their own ‘stuff’ get in the way of your growth.

-Bad Ones: Who will love you CONDITIONALLY because their own ‘stuff’ gets in the way and they want to mould you according to expectations formed because of their own unresolved and trapped emotions.

Of course, it’s not that black and white but it always ends up falling on some point along that basic continuum.

In both cases, healthy ADULT relationships don’t and CAN’T follow the patterns that you picked up in childhood:

In the case of unconditional love:

-Your partner can of course love you unconditionally but it won’t be the same as the love you got from your mother…

They probably won’t idolise you all the time, they might not wanna do your laundry and cook for you, or think that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread 24/7 (the closest you can get to that – bar the laundry and cooking – is to get a DOG).

In the case of the conditional stuff:

-Most adult relationships have some conditions: you normally have to have at least some of your shit together, you probably shouldn’t cheat, if you’re an ASSHOLE you can get dumped etc.

As an adult though you don’t have to accept conditions you don’t like, though. You have the power to WALK AWAY.

In short, adult love is about stepping away from ROLES and being both FREE and SECURE at the same time.

 

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Your Emotional ‘Stuff’ Clouds Your Assumptions, Thoughts, and Beliefs and Blinds You to Possibility.

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Life never goes anywhere. Reality never changes.

What does change is our INTERPRETATIONS and PERCEPTIONS and those are affected by our relationship with ourselves first and foremost.

If there’s too much DARKNESS within us – especially darkness that we try to hide from ourselves – then the world becomes claustrophic and restricted.

If we can open up to the LIGHT within us – especially the light that’s SCREAMING to be released – then the world becomes more spacious and we can BREATHE.

The problem for a lot of people is that they’re running around telling themselves that they’re ‘happy’ when they’re not.

They’re telling themselves that this is the life they want to be living, but they know deep down that it isn’t and that whispering such things to themselves over and over again is just a COPE.

Often, this is simply because they have never really ASKED THEMSELVES what it is they want to be spending their time doing – life is short but it’s also a bitch (or so they’ve been told) and then you die.

They might as well just TOLERATE what they’ve been given instead of going out there and TAKING what’s waiting for them.

Other times, it’s not the world that’s holding us back as much as it is OURSELVES (though even when the world holds us back it’s usually because we LET it).

The reason we hold ourselves back is ALWAYS because our assumptions, thoughts, and beliefs have become UNREAL.

On a deeper level, these unreal assumptions, thoughts, and beliefs always stem from our UNRESOLVED emotional ‘stuff’.

It goes like this:

Emotions -> Assumptions about self/world/reality -> Thoughts -> Beliefs

Normally, the things that most affect us are the Unholy Trinity of shame, guilt, and/or trauma but these may also manifest as other emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, or self-loathing.

Whatever it is that you’re FEELING changes the amount of LIGHT that you allow yourself to shine on yourself and the world in reality.

If you become too CLOUDED, then you only end up seeing the problems in your life and being BLIND to all of the possibilities.

Your task is to reverse engineer your beliefs so that you can DIG OUT the assumptions you carry that are SCREWING you.

 

 

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Love is a Destructive Force as Much as it is a Creative One

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If you don’t believe in ‘true’ love, then I feel (a bit) sorry for you.

Yeah, I can be a bit cyncial and dark about the world sometimes but in the HEART of every cynic is somebody who’s tasted the TRUTH about life and either lost it or seen that the world is against it.

We can all taste the FRUIT of truth in various ways in our lives – finding the edge, dancing with loss, getting close to death, or just having conversations that bring moments of insight that make us go ‘aha’ and blow our minds a little more.

For most of us, though, the realest thing we’ll experience in our lifetimes is LOVE – when you find that somebody who actually opens doors…not just to life itself but to you and your own REALNESS.

They don’t even need to try that hard…it just kinda happens in the animal MAGNETISM and state of PRESENCE that exists between you.

When you’re in love the world seems like a totally different and BETTER place… The cynics like me might say that it’s only because you’re INFATUATED and so you’re not seeing yourself, the world, or reality clearly – you’re just filtering everything through the distortions of all that OXYTOCIN (the ‘love’ hormone).

You’re not, though, you’re seeing things as they really are and life as it truly is because love UNBLOCKS you and distances you from your own BULLSHIT.

People also say that “love hurts” but that’s BULLSHIT too – love can NEVER hurt because love is just a connection to the TRUTH and the truth is always the source of all comfort and JOY in our lives.

The thing that ‘hurts’ is the journey back to the truth as we go through the process of LOSING OUR ILLUSIONS and trying to cling to them.

This is why love is both creative and destructive:

It’s creative because it connects you to TRUTH which is the source of all creation.

It’s destructive because your journey back to the truth is limited by your attachement to and DEFENSE of your illusions.

The more you cling, the worse it gets – this is why people become cynical and anti-love: because they went in with their EGO and not what’s real about them (which can only lead to DRAMA).

May you kill you inner cynics and grow REAL.

?

 

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“So What?” is a Secret Weapon Against Shame, Guilt, and Anxiety.

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Everything changes and life keeps flowing.

If you flow with it, you tend to feel ‘good’; if you weigh yourself down with the tension of your own unreal THOUGHTS and IDEAS then you feel ‘bad’.

Things can happen to us on the surface of our lives but we also have the power to DEAL WITH them by taking a breath, remembering who the frick we are, and reminding ourselves of the age old truth:

WHAT IS REAL ABOUT US IS ALWAYS REAL ABOUT US.

In our realness, we are whole – if you can accept that then you don’t need to let the world shake you from yourself because you know you’re UNSHAKEABLE.

The problem is that we pick up ideas from outside of ourselves that stop us experiencing life as it really is.

Often, these ideas start off as SIGNALS that we’re heading on to the wrong path – sometimes, that’s fine because we need the signal as a NUDGE back to reality.

Signals are supposed to be TEMPORARY, though, so if we allow them to LINGER then we end up treating the signal as the reality (whereas in truth the signal is pointing us back to reality) and it causes all kinds of conceptual confusion.

A few common signals are shame, guilt, and anxiety – in some cases, they may just be a TEMPORARY nudge to remind us that we’re acting out of alignment with our true values and intentions.

If the signal LINGERS or is FORCED UPON US by others, then something unreal is going on and we need to whack out the secret weapon:

“SO WHAT?”

This is a simple tool that helps you circumvent your own programming:

Shame – shame lingers when you believe a lingering INTERNAL signal that you’re no ‘good’.

SO WHAT? You’re whole.

Guilt – guilt lingers when you believe a lingering EXTERNAL signal that you’re actions are no ‘good’.

SO WHAT? They can’t JUDGE your intentions.

Anxiety – anxiety lingers when you start to believe unreal hypothetical signals about the future “What if…?”.

SO WHAT? You’ll still accept yourself anyway.

If any of these emotions linger you have a problem with 1) your ideas, and 2) your identity.

There’s only the truth which is that you’re beyond judgement and that you have nothing to fear if you trust and believe in your own unshakeable connection to the WHOLE.

 

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Everything is the Best Thing that Ever Happened to You.

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This is a bitter pill to swallow but life is absolutely amazing.

Somehow – against all the odds – you managed to win the cosmic battle and to end up in a MEAT SUIT (but don’t worry, your body is nothing without you) on a habitable planet 93,000,000 million miles away from a ball of fire, spinning around at 1000mph, and getting to be AWARE of the whole experience.

Yeah, you’re gonna die one day but actually that’s just frickin’ amazing too because it means that EVERY single moment of your life is just a thread in the tapestry of consciousness and that – as you get closer to the end – each moment becomes even more PRECIOUS in its rarity.

The odds of you being here breathing and flowing and growing with life are literally ASTRONOMICAL – you’re connected to everything and everything’s connected with yout and then….poof: you become one with it.

We can easily forget all the things that we’re BLESSED with because we get DRAGGED into the clown world day-after-day:

-Sleepwalking politicians that lie and dodder in their old age as ASLEEP as they’ve always been.

-Drama and BS from economic GRUNTS that believe all the BS that created them (media, education system, ‘society’, movies and TV, etc).

-The ‘System’ that some how convinced you you’re here to work 9-5 until you’re 70 and then enjoy a few years of retirement.

None of that stuff is ‘REAL’.

Your REAL LIFE is who you are when you look at that sunset.

It’s who you are when you MAKE LOVE to somebody you care it about.

It’s the version of you that’s laughing your ass off so much your belly hurts and you have tears streaming down your face.

It’s you when you’re on FIRE and your soul is ABLAZE because you’re in the zone and your identity has been cast aside with all fear and you flow like a goddam force of NATURE.

The thing is – despite the cage of the CLOWN WORLD and all its BS – EVERYTHING that ever happens in your life is the best thing that happened to you.

Everything that happens – heartbreak, BS, loss, WHATEVER – is a lesson in ACCEPTANCE and the only thing you can ever accept is that you’re HERE, you’re NOW, and that you’re ALIVE.

Stop resisting and start ACCEPTING – because life is AWESOME.

 

 

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Your World is Just a Movie Set You Built Because of the Script You Follow

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Most of us are movie stars without even realising it.

That doesn’t mean we’re gonna end up saving the world or running around in front of exploding buildings (though never say never), but it does mean that we’re following a SCRIPT that was written by somebody else.

Unfortunately, unlike that Hollywood star or starlet our scripts are followed unknowingly – on autopilot – and the director isn’t sat shouting directions at us on a megaphone but is hidden deep down in the SHADOWS of our unconscious.

This script was usually INSTILLED within us sometime in childhood – usually because of our parents or other ‘authority’ figures and the way that they affected our levels of TRUST in them, ourselves, and the world.

If these levels of trust become SKEWED or DISTORTED – usually because we end up engaging with some kind of ASSHOLES that are too busy projecting their own unresolved ‘pain’ out into the world – then it distorts our view of ourselves and gives us a set of false ASSUMPTIONS about things to live out the course of our lives according to (This is ‘The Script’).

If the assholes that screwed up your childhood (forgive them anyway – they didn’t know what they were doing) caused you to doubt yourself, the world, and reality then the script you’ll be following from beneath the shadows will go something like this:

“The world is a dangerous place that doesn’t have my best interests at heart”.

“Life is unfair and nobody can be trusted”.

“I’m not good enough to be loved/appreciated/whatever”.

Etc.

These CORE ASSUMPTIONS will cause you to run on autopilot so that you can keep hiding from the shame, guilt, and/or trauma that binds you to them.

Living according to these assumptions (without necessarily knowing) will cause you to have a set of UNREAL BELIEFS that are grounded in them.

It goes a bit like this:

Unresolved Emotional ‘Stuff’ -> Core Assumptions about self/world/reality -> Beliefs ->’World’

In other words, THE WORLD IS NOT REALITY but a layer that you project over reality based on the SCRIPT you’re following.

If you can change the CORE ASSUMPTIONS that fuel the script you’re following you can change the shape of your world.

Direct your own movie.

 

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If You Haven’t Been ‘Happy’ Since the Womb then You’ll Try and Turn the World into One

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Sometimes, our lives are a mess because we’re bitter that we had to leave the womb.

I know that might sound a bit much but hear me out:

For the average human being, life goes something along the lines of this:

1. We’re conceived and find ourselves in the womb where all of our needs are met IMMEDIATELY and we don’t have to do anything to have it happen (because we’re connected to the WHOLE).

2. Nine months later we’re DRAGGED kicking and screaming into a state of DISCONNECTION and are introduced to the world.

3. Our needs are met when we CRY (if we’re lucky and have a good mother) so we feel a bit more CONNECTED again.

4. Eventually, we are sent into the world to fend for ourselves as a singular, FRAGMENTED creature that may have moments of WHOLENESS but – ultimately – it’s just us and a few moments of connection until we DIE.

Jeezus, that sounds bleak but it’s not all doom and gloom:

If you can WAKE YOURSELF UP and learn to be REAL then you can find a sense of purpose for yourself that allows you to flow with reality and GROW more whole again.

The way that we can do this is by finding some sort of ‘spiritual’ path to walk on that makes sense in the context of our lives and leads us back to ourselves.

The problem – for many people – is that they confuse spirituality (or whatever you wanna call it) with that LOST FEELING they miss from back in the womb.

This unconscious drive to return to the womb state DISTORTS their view of reality and causes them to try and turn their WORLD into a womb as a substitute.

Such a world is supposed to have the following features:

-Needs are met IMMEDIATELY without any effort.

-Cause and effect have no authority here because everything is connected to the NEEDS of the person at the centre of it.

-All you have to do is ‘think’ it and it will happen.

-There is no friction or tension to grow through because everything is perfect all the time.

-Passivity is rewarded more than ACTIVITY.

-If you CRY, you shall receive.

-Etc.

People with unconscious ‘Womb Nostalgia’ shape their world around the needs of their EGO.

All they end up doing is creating a bubble that will BURST at which time they’ll GIVE BIRTH TO THEMSELVES.

 

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