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Anything REAL Has a Magnetism to It: Here’s How Growing Real Can Help You Flow With Yourself and Others

There is something undeniably magnetic about certain people:

They walk into a room and heads turn – not because they shout the loudest or flex the hardest, but because there is something real about them: something grounded, human, and ancient.

This is what I call Primal Magnetism.

It isn’t about wearing a leather jacket and pretending to be cool (though, tbh, I do that every time I leave the house); nor is it about rehearsing lines or conversational gambits, faking it until you make it, or curating the perfect life over on Instagram.

No, primal magnetism is just the quiet presence of a man who has come home to himself.

In that homecoming, he radiates something so raw and real that people feel it before they can even explain it.

But how do we get there?

In an unreal world of distractions, dopamine, and digital validation, how do we return to that real, primal part of ourselves?

How do we switch off the noise, drop the mask, and just be?

Let’s dig a little deeper:

What We Cover in This Article

• Anything REAL Has a Magnetism to It: Here’s How Growing Real Can Help You Flow With Yourself and Others
• Mastery of the Self and Acceptance of Real Life
  • 1. Biological Mastery: Reclaiming the Body and Nervous System
    • Let’s break down a few key practices:
    • Exercise:
    • Semen Retention:
    • Dopamine Discipline:
    • Nervous System Regulation:
  • 2. Mental Mastery: Reclaiming Your Mind from Social Programming
    • Here’s how:
    • Think For Yourself:
    • Know Your Shadow:
    • Become a Leader (Even If No One Follows Yet: Lead Yourself Deeper into REALITY):
  • The Unforced Rhythms of Grace
  • Why Presence Is So Magnetic
  • Practical Steps to Build Primal Magnetism
    • 1. Move Every Day
    • 2. Cut Back on Dopamine Drains
    • 3. Practise Semen Retention (or Conscious Sexual Energy Use)
    • 4. Start the Thought Log
    • 5. Regulate Your Nervous System
    • 6. Unpack Your Beliefs
    • 7. Live with Purpose
  • Final Word: Primal Magnetism: Becoming a Human BEING Instead of a Human DOING

Mastery of the Self and Acceptance of Real Life

Primal Magnetism all begins with two major areas of mastery: 1) Your relationship with your own biological wiring, and 2) Your relationship with social programming and the way that you think about yourself, the world, and reality.

Let’s break each one down:

1. Biological Mastery: Reclaiming the Body and Nervous System

Our biology isn’t the enemy (though we often fall into the trap of thinking this as we see ourselves getting older and go through the stages of birth, ripening, decay, and then death).

Instead, if we accept things as they are and then work with them, then our biological fate can be a roadmap to realness.

In relation to primal magnetism, this means that we need to stop working against our wiring and start working with it:

Most men are burnt out, wired, overstimulated, and disconnected from their bodies. This means that their nervous systems are jacked up on stress, worry, caffeine, sugar, porn, alcohol, doom-scrolling, whatever else and then they wonder why they feel flat, unmotivated, anxious, or numb as they live out their lives in the Void.

All of these things take us away from our own natural and REAL rhythm and cause us to get lost to an unreal state of sympathetic dominance which means that our nervous systems are chronically stuck in fight-or-flight mode and so we perceive ‘threats’ everywhere.

When we perceive threats constantly then we can’t be free, spontaneous, and open (because all of these require that we feel ‘safe’ – the opposite of ‘threat’) and so we kill our capacity to magnetic because can’t be present with ourselves, the world, and reality itself.

Let’s break down a few key practices:

To return to primal magnetism, we need to start undoing the damage of being jacked up and dysregulated all the time (by allowing our nervous system to balance itself out and to be able to activate the parasympathetic nervous system when required).

Here are some things that can help you to do this:

Exercise:

Regular physical movement regulates the nervous system, builds confidence, and reconnects you to your instincts (plus, it makes you look good too).

Strength training, martial arts, yoga – they all bring different gifts but the key is this to move like you mean it.

Your body isn’t a machine to punish; it’s an instrument to master and the more at home you feel within it, the more at home you’ll feel in your life as a whole. This quality of feeling at ‘home’ is your natural state and is essential for tapping back into your primal magnetism and real flow.

Semen Retention:

There is now growing evidence that abstaining from frequent ejaculation (especially when linked to porn) can increase focus, drive, and even testosterone in men (though these studies are still ongoing).

This isn’t about moralising sex. It’s about managing and transmuting your energy. When you hold onto your life force, you stop leaking it. And when you stop leaking energy, people feel how full of life you are.

That’s magnetic.

Dopamine Discipline:

We live in a dopamine-saturated society:

Every swipe, scroll, and stimulus is engineered to hijack our attention but dopamine isn’t the problem. Dysregulated dopamine is.

Addictions train our brains to seek pleasure without effort. Over time, that kills motivation and keeps us from the primal magnetism that comes from knowing our real purpose and taking action every day to keep moving towards it.

The solution is clear:

Rewire your relationship with the reward system in your brain by delaying gratification, focusing on deep work over shallow hits and continuing to grow in presence and magnetism by focusing on what matters the most.

Nervous System Regulation:

Your nervous system is your interface with reality:

Like we said above, if you’re constantly in a fight-flight-freeze state, you’ll perceive threats where there are none, overthink interactions, and repel people without meaning to.

That’s not very magnetic at all.

Tools like breathwork, cold exposure, mindfulness, and somatic work like yin yoga bring your system back to centre.

A calm nervous system is attractive to others because it signals safety and trust.

This gives signals that you’re real and that’s as magnetic as it gets.

2. Mental Mastery: Reclaiming Your Mind from Social Programming

Human beings are born filled with shame and insecurity – they’re programmed that way over time.

The modern world does a phenomenal job at manufacturing discontent:

It tells you what to want, who to be, how to behave, and what success looks like; it punishes originality and rewards conformity; it sells distraction and labels it freedom.

To reclaim your magnetism, you have to unplug yourself from all of this and start to:

1. Uncover the truth
2. Live the truth

Here’s how:

Think For Yourself:

Start questioning everything:

Why do you believe what you believe? Where did that idea come from? Did you choose it? Or was it given to you?

Freedom begins when you start thinking independently and actually know WHY you think what you think.

Read. Reflect. Journal. Meditate. Get curious about your own mind and the assumptions that it rests upon – if these assumptions are unreal, then your life will be unreal too.

Know Your Shadow:

Most of the behaviours that repel people come from unconscious shame and self-judgement within ourselves that we project out into the world:

When you carry shame, you project it. You hide from others. You manipulate situations so that your self-image created as a reaction to the shame can be upheld. You filter your words. And people can feel it.

Doing shadow work – learning to become aware of your inner critic, your limiting beliefs, your wounds, and the hidden qualities and emotions (both ‘good’ and ‘bad’) within yourself – allows you to accept all ‘parts’ of you and to become whole again.

When you do that, you become more authentic – and authenticity is magnetic because it’s REAL.

Become a Leader (Even If No One Follows Yet: Lead Yourself Deeper into REALITY):

Self-leadership is about living in alignment with truth, regardless of applause or agreement.

When you live with integrity and take real action based on your values, you stop seeking external validation and stop trying to explain or justify yourself to the world because you know that you’re doing what you do for something ‘higher’ [insert whatever word works for you here].

This is what creates magnetism and presence: when your inner and outer worlds are congruent – when your actions match your truth and your yes means yes and your no means no.

The Unforced Rhythms of Grace

When you master your biology and liberate your mind, something amazing happens:

You drop all of the unreal tension you’ve been carrying and you start to trust.

You find yourself in a flow with life that isn’t frantic or forced.

You still take inspired action but you let go of the need to control the uncontrollable (as it says in my book on the topic Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace, you do your best and let go of the rest).

This is what Jesus called the “unforced rhythms of grace” (in Matthew 11:28–30 (MSG)).

It’s a way of living that isn’t dictated by fear or ego.

Even though it’s accepting, it’s not passive and deeply alive. It moves from presence and is motivated by wholeness.

This is what makes it primal and magnetic: it’s about living in your natural state.

Why Presence Is So Magnetic

When you’re truly present, you’re not in your head – you’re not calculating what to say next, trying to impress, or hiding behind a mask.

You’re just here and people feel it.

Presence communicates that your safe, grounded, trustworthy, and REAL – this opens the door for connection, spontaneity, creativity, humour, and leadership – all the things we associate with charismatic and magnetic people.

When you’re present you stop reacting to life, you start co-creating with it, and you become a man that others want to follow, work with, love, and trust because real recognises real.

Practical Steps to Build Primal Magnetism

Here are some tangible things you can implement right now:

1. Move Every Day

Lift weights. Do yoga. Walk barefoot. Run hills. Do whatever works for you to get into your body, show it some love, and get strong.

You don’t need to be ripped, but you do need to feel vital and alive because that’s what allows you to put real energy ‘out there’ and start getting it back (because of the boomerang effect).

2. Cut Back on Dopamine Drains

Set screen time limits. Take social media breaks. Avoid porn and junk food. Replace cheap dopamine with deep fulfilment and go find something real to do.

3. Practise Semen Retention (or Conscious Sexual Energy Use)

Try going 7, 14, or 30 days without ejaculation – especially to porn. Notice how your energy shifts.

Use energy that you unblock and store up to create, train, or build by transmuting it into your real vision.

4. Start the Thought Log

Track your thoughts daily by using the Thought Log (a free tool available on this site that I use with my clients in the ‘Awareness’ stage of a coaching relationship).

Is it real or unreal? What’s your purpose? What is the gremlin saying? Where should you be directing your focus to keep things REAL and keep growing and evolving into deeper realness?

5. Regulate Your Nervous System

Try cold showers, breathwork, or slow nasal breathing (I always recommend 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 7, and exhale for 8…repeat as necessary).

Do this when you’re triggered or anxious but also just do it daily to build nervous system resilience and to find stillness in the storm when it arises.

(I.e. don’t just try to regulate your nervous system when it’s stressed – keep it regulated by working on it daily).

6. Unpack Your Beliefs

Ask yourself daily: What do I believe about myself? Where did that come from? Is it serving me? Challenge old narratives and get rid of anything that’s stopping you from being REAL.

7. Live with Purpose

Find something that allows you to step even more deeply into your realness:

A project. A mission. A way of serving.

Like we said, purpose makes you magnetic because it gives your days momentum and your life a sense of gravity (and we all know that gravity is a force that pulls things towards one another).

Final Word: Primal Magnetism: Becoming a Human BEING Instead of a Human DOING

Primal magnetism isn’t just something you do (though it requires real action) – it’s something you are.

To get there, you have to let go of everything that isn’t real but that keeps you from those unforced rhythms of grace.

That means letting go of addictions, false identities, limiting beliefs, approval-seeking, and any other fragmentary ‘thing’ that keeps you from being whole. It means doing the deep work of becoming aware, accepting what you find, and taking aligned action.

(Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – it works every time!).

And when you do that, you stop being a human doing.

You become a human being.

And that’s as magnetic as it gets).

Stay real out there,

The benefits of embracing our own mortality.

Welcome to this article where we’re diving into one of the most profound and universal aspects of human experience: death. While it might seem like a heavy topic, it’s actually one of my favourites. Thinking about death serves as a powerful reminder that everything in life is constantly changing. It brings me back to the reality that I won’t be writing these articles forever, and that one day, death will come for me too. But rather than fearing it, I see death as a sweet release, a moment when I’ll be enveloped by the universe and become one with it.

In this article, we’ll explore why death is not something to dread but something to embrace. We’ll talk about how acknowledging our mortality can actually enhance the way we live, helping us focus on what’s real and meaningful while we’re here. Ultimately, there’s no escaping fate, and for all of us, that fate is death. But by facing it head on, we can discover how it empowers us to live more fully.

Living forever is a long ass time.

Before we dive deeper, let’s consider the opposite of death: the idea of living forever. Some people might think that living forever would be a good thing, but I don’t believe they’ve really thought it through. Eternity is a really long time—an unimaginably long time. Think about how long a few moments can feel when you’re stuck in a conversation you don’t want to be in; it just drags on. Eternity would eventually feel the same—endlessly boring. You’d have learned to play all the instruments, mastered all the skills, tried all the different experiences you wanted, and eventually, you’d just be bored. Relationships would strain because people would run out of things to talk about, and without the urgency of our temporary nature, there’d be little reason to truly appreciate one another. If you got injured, you’d have to live with that injury forever.

Culture would stagnate because we need new generations to bring fresh perspectives, but if people kept living forever, the older generations would hold onto power indefinitely. Ultimately, living forever would be pretty miserable for many reasons. Sure, being mortal isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but in my view, being a short-term, transitory being is far better than the alternative. Living forever would likely lead to boredom, a lack of appreciation, and being surrounded by others feeling just as fed up.

Sometimes we fantasise about living forever when we’re in denial about life’s reality, which is that we’re all going to die. Now, the reason I enjoy discussing and contemplating death is because it offers a no-nonsense approach to understanding life and how to live it authentically. There’s so much nonsense out there—much of it stemming from beliefs that lack evidence, where people are just speculating to suit their own biases or insecurities. But when it comes to death, it’s one of the few things that nearly everyone agrees on: we’re all going to die. Sure, there are always those who believe we’ll move on to another dimension or something like that, but generally speaking, most people accept that we’re going to die.

This fact makes death an excellent starting point for figuring out how to live a good life. No one can really tell you what happens before we’re born or after we die—it’s all speculation. So, the most sensible approach, in my opinion, is to start with the one certainty we have: life is going to end one day. Accepting this reality allows us to engage with life more fully and authentically. It gives us a foundation to build our lives around, knowing that it’s all going to be over one day.

Thinking about, contemplating, and embracing death is so important because it raises our awareness. Once you truly understand that you’re going to die one day, it shifts your perspective on everything. You can’t embrace death without also appreciating the value of your time. You can’t embrace death without understanding that things are always changing. Knowing you’re going to die means you’re constantly moving through time and space towards that inevitable moment. This awareness of time and change is what opens you up to living a real life. Reflecting on death is crucial if you feel stuck, if you’re in a rut, or if you’re living a life you don’t want to live—passively, without taking action, and without doing the things you want to do.

So essentially, you need to start seriously contemplating death. If you truly think about death and face it without fear—which we’ll discuss more in this article —you won’t waste your time on things you don’t really want to be doing. You can’t live a genuine life without understanding that it’s all going to end and that you have no idea what comes after. This might be your only chance to experience and be conscious of life here on Earth. When you look at it this way, the awareness of death becomes a key that unlocks the door to real life. Once you step through that door, things start to get really interesting.

When you become aware of death and truly internalise the fact that it’s inevitable and there’s nothing you can do to change it, you reach a place of acceptance. From that place of acceptance, you can start making better choices in your life. Better choices simply mean that your actions are coming from a place of conscious decision-making. Knowing that you’re going to die can awaken a sense of urgency within you. You won’t be content to spend your days mindlessly scrolling through social media or binging on Netflix. You’ll realise that every choice you make moves you through time and the inevitable process of change because death highlights that time and change are the fundamental fabric of reality as we experience it.

Ultimately, accepting death is incredibly powerful because it awakens the power of choice within you. When you know your time is limited, you’re faced with a decision: will you spend your time on meaningless activities that won’t take you where you want to be, with the only life you have? Or will you use your time to invest in a journey of growth towards wholeness, realness, and expressing who you truly are in the world while you still can, before you die?

When we become aware of death and accept it in the way we’re discussing, we naturally shift our focus. Instead of concentrating on all the unreal things in the world—like goals, values, and other external influences that we’ve internalised due to social conditioning, old patterns, and scripts—we begin to focus on what’s real. We understand that our time is limited, and we realise that we can choose where to invest it. This awareness of choice allows us to invest our time in real things instead of unreal ones.

It’s a simple shift, but one with immense power. I’ve seen the impact in my own life and in the lives of my clients. There’s a fundamental truth that what you focus on grows. So, if you focus on your real goals, your true intentions, and your genuine values, and if you choose to invest your time in pursuing your real vision, those things will grow. And it all begins with understanding that you are temporary as a being. Therefore, you need to use your energy—your time, energy, and attention—to cultivate something real. That’s why focusing on death is so important: it enables you to live a truly authentic life.

Accepting the fact that you’re going to die makes you more humble.

Another profound benefit of accepting that you’re going to die one day is that it fosters humility. When you come to terms with death, you must acknowledge that your life is not entirely within your control. You only know that at some unknown time and place in the future, you will die. This event is independent of your choices, desires, or preferences; it will simply happen. Understanding this fact removes you from your ego and introduces a sense of humility into your life.

When you’re humbled by the reality of mortality, you become freer. You stop trying to force everything through the lens of your ego and desires, striving to maintain a facade or resist life’s challenges. Instead, you grow more accepting of life as it is, which deepens your relationship with it. You no longer feel the need to be omniscient or omnipotent. The awareness of your own mortality highlights how futile it is to seek all-encompassing knowledge or power.

Many people try to be all-knowing or all-powerful in unrealistic ways, driven by ego and underlying emotional issues like shame. This leads them to construct a false identity and attempt to control everything or appear all-knowing, which ultimately blocks them from living a genuine life. The ego acts as a barrier between you and the authentic experience of life, and contemplating death is a powerful way to shatter that barrier.

Embracing the fact of your mortality allows you to build better relationships with others. You stop taking things so seriously and learn to let go of petty grievances. Recognising the preciousness of your time, energy, and attention helps you avoid wasting them on negative thoughts or judgments. When you accept that everyone will die and that we’re all in the same existential boat, you can approach others with more compassion. Everyone is navigating the complexities of life, trying to cope with the chaos and uncertainty of their own mortality.

By understanding that everyone, including yourself, is temporary, you can shift the focus away from your own ego and towards engaging with the world in a meaningful way. This often leads to serving others and making your true self and values beneficial to those around you. As you do this, you become more interdependent with the world and experience a deeper connection to life. The key is accepting that everyone is temporary, and making the most of your interactions and relationships while you can.

What we’re really talking about here is arriving at a place of gratitude. When you understand that time is precious, that everyone is temporary, and that you too will eventually cease to be here, it makes you deeply grateful for everything—both the good and the bad. Every moment of our lives becomes precious when viewed through this lens. By tapping into this gratitude, you flow through life with a sense of freedom. Freedom, in my view, is simply an acceptance of the truth and a relationship with it—living it, breathing it, and working with it.

Gratitude at this profound level means accepting everything you have. I see gratitude and acceptance as essentially the same thing. When you accept life as it is, you accept yourself, and this acceptance naturally leads to gratitude. Gratitude has the power to elevate your energy because it invigorates you. Even when you feel low, true gratitude can lift you up, making you aware of the mysterious and precious nature of existence. It highlights the gift of life, making you appreciate it even more, knowing that it will eventually end. This awareness prompts you to make the most of your time.

Cultivating this attitude of gratitude, rooted in the awareness of your mortality, transforms how you experience life. It eliminates unnecessary friction or resistance between you and your experiences because you no longer wish them to be different. You accept life as it is, simply because you know it will end. This acceptance, coupled with gratitude, brings you into a state of deep presence.

Try this now: stop reading for a second, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and reflect on the fact that you’re going to die. It’s impossible to think about your mortality without being pulled into the present moment. This present-moment awareness is where you truly live life at its fullest. It removes the filters and judgements created by your ego and immerses you in the essence of life.

Being present means you’re grounded and accepting of life’s flow. As you navigate life with this foundation of truth, rather than being distracted by chatter and denial, you’re more responsive and adaptable. The more you accept death, starting with awareness, the more present you become. This presence connects you to a sense of wholeness and allows you to flow and grow, feeling truly alive.

Ultimately, the choice is between denying the reality of life by avoiding thoughts of death or fully embracing it and becoming more present and engaged with life. To me, it’s a clear choice. Embracing the reality of death and reframing it as a gift rather than a negative will enhance your experience of life.

How do we overcome the fear of death in order to get benefits.

So, let’s delve into how we can reframe our perception of death. Throughout this article, I’ve discussed the numerous benefits of acknowledging death, such as becoming more present, grateful, and fostering better relationships. But how do we overcome the fear of death to reap these benefits? The key lies in reframing.

Reframing involves understanding that death isn’t some malevolent force that haunts us; rather, it’s a natural part of life. Life and death are two sides of the same coin, and one cannot exist without the other. The qualities that make life meaningful and precious are inherently tied to the reality of death. By recognising this, you can shift from seeing death as something to fear to viewing it as a natural and integral part of existence. This shift can help you embrace death rather than resist it, leading to a state of acceptance.

Another useful approach is to use the awareness of death as motivation. Embracing the reality that death is inevitable can drive you to make the most of your limited time. Knowing that your time is finite encourages you to focus on what truly matters. By investing your time in meaningful pursuits, you’ll find that these pursuits grow and bring you more satisfaction. This creates a positive feedback loop where increased engagement with real, purposeful activities enhances your enjoyment of life. The process begins with acknowledging that death is a natural part of life, and that embracing it can enrich your experience.

Ultimately, it’s about directing your energy, time, and attention towards a sense of purpose. Purpose involves living according to your own values, goals, and intentions, and sharing these with others. This purpose is unique to each individual, and finding it may require some introspection. Once identified, it’s crucial to make consistent choices that align with this purpose. Avoid distractions like excessive video games, social media, and TV, which can lead to wasting precious time. While occasional indulgence is fine, letting it dominate your life can be detrimental.

Additionally, investing in relationships is vital. Seek out people who resonate with your values and build meaningful connections. Since death is a certainty, make the effort to connect with others while you still can.

If fear becomes overwhelming, channel it into creative outlets. Use your fear as a catalyst for exploration and self-expression. You might journal, paint, compose music, write a book, or even create a YouTube video. Creativity can transform fear into something productive and insightful.

In essence, reframing death involves recognising it as a natural, motivating force that can lead to a more purposeful and fulfilling life. By embracing this perspective, you can navigate life with greater presence and gratitude.

You can engage in any activity that helps you confront and accept these topics more deeply. Discussing death with others can be particularly enlightening. Everyone shares the human experience, and many people have some level of interest in the subject of death. By reaching out and having these conversations, you’re aligning yourself with your purpose. You’ll be growing more authentic, building meaningful connections, and moving closer to a profound acceptance of life, time, and the preciousness of our existence.

So, that wraps up our discussion about death. I suppose it’s a bit odd to keep referring to it this way, but it’s a crucial topic. We are all going to die one day. Life is precious, time is precious, and people are precious—you’re precious. It’s essential to let go of trivial concerns and avoid wasting time on meaningless activities that drain your energy.

There’s a lot of misleading advice out there about how to live a good life, whether it’s dancing in forests or pretending to be from another planet. The truth is simpler: embrace the reality of your mortality. Accepting that you will die one day is beyond your control, and then use that acceptance to guide you towards humility and meaningful change. Focus on making the most of your life by investing in what truly matters.

Life becomes even more amazing when you recognise its finite nature and pursue what genuinely resonates with you. Don’t settle for a life you don’t want to live. While you might not change everything overnight, you can start taking steps toward change right now. Shift your focus from distractions to the real, meaningful aspects of your life and channel your energy into those areas. That’s the most spiritual and authentic approach you can take: focusing on what’s real about yourself and actively pursuing it.

If you want to explore this further, discuss your life’s direction, or delve into these ideas, you can book a call here on my website at olianderson.co.uk/talk. I love discussing these topics, and I’m here for a genuine conversation. If you book a session, we can explore ideas, gather insights, and hopefully help you become more authentic.

Additionally, I offer a free course called “The Personality Transplant,” which begins with a module on death for those interested in a deeper exploration of this subject. I hope you found this discussion helpful. Life is incredible—stay true to yourself, and peace to you.