‘Divine’ Masculine and Feminine: Embracing Your REAL Nature?

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Mindset/Life Philosophy/Psychology/Relationships/Shadow Life/Yoga

Finding a REAL Balance of Your Natural Energy

For the last couple of years (at least), the concepts of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine have been gaining traction in ‘spiritual’ and self-development circles, often accompanied by a sense of urgency – or even frantic, ego-driven obsession.

How come? What’s behind this cultural fascination with these archetypes?

A potentially bold take is this: most people start diving into the world of the Divine Masculine and Feminine not because they feel connected to their nature, but because they don’t and feel that they’re deeply LACKING in some way.

This is because our society as a whole has been too focused on assuming that everybody is ‘equal’ (which they can be in many ways) but making the mistake of assuming that ‘equal’ means ‘the same’.

This has confused the natural boundaries between the two sexes and this has left many people confused and sent them into hiding (in other words, the dominant sexual polarity of many people has gone into the SHADOW TERRITORY).

This has led to a situation where men and women are often trying to compensate for a perceived lack of masculinity or femininity in themselves, often driven by shame, insecurity, or social conditioning.

Before we get too lost in the abstract, let’s explore what these terms – ‘Divine Masculine’ and ‘Divine Feminine’ – actually mean, why they’re so misunderstood, and how to embrace them in a way that’s authentic, liberating, and aligned with your REALNESS.

What Are the Divine Masculine and Feminine?

The Divine Masculine and Feminine represent complementary energies present in all things – they’re not strictly about gender or biology but about archetypal qualities that exist within everyone (though, biological men usually have more ‘masculine’ and biological women have more ‘feminine’).

Divine Masculine: Think of structure, action, logic, direction, and the ability to protect and provide. The masculine is like the steady riverbank that gives the rushing water its shape.
Divine Feminine: This is flow, intuition, creativity, nurturing, and receptivity. The feminine is like the water itself – dynamic, free, and life-giving.

These two forces are often compared to yin and yang in Taoist philosophy: opposing yet interconnected, dependent on one another for balance and harmony. Similarly, in Hindu mythology, they’re represented by Shiva (the masculine principle of stillness and consciousness) and Shakti (the feminine principle of energy and creation).

This all seems pretty simple but – in a world obsessed with homogenising people and erasing differences for F.E.A.R of not being ‘virtuous’ enough – many of us have lost with these energies within ourselves (this shows up in all kinds of ways including mummy and daddy issues).

When that happens, the result is confusion, shame, and a desperate attempt to ‘fix’ what feels broken but which is (actually) just hidden from view.

SHAME: The Fear of Not ‘Enough’?

A lot of people become obsessed with the Divine Masculine and Feminine because they feel disconnected from these energies. This often stems from:

Social Conditioning
Modern culture tends to downplay differences between masculine and feminine energies, focusing instead on making everyone “equal” in a way that often translates to “the same”.

While equality is important (when possible), this homogenisation can create confusion about how to express our unique qualities. Masculinity and femininity become caricatures in this context – superficial traits like “being tough” or “being nurturing” instead of deeper, natural energies.
Shame
Many people carry shame about not being “masculine enough” or “feminine enough”. Men might fear they’re too sensitive, while women might fear they’re too assertive. This shame drives them to overcompensate, often leading to inauthentic expressions of these energies.
Mental Blocks and Shadow Work
As Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”. When we fear our own REAL nature – whether it’s our masculine drive or feminine intuition – it’s usually because of unresolved shadow work. The Ego resists what it doesn’t understand, creating mental blocks that keep us from embracing our full selves and keeping the REAL version of who we are hidden in the Shadow Territory of our unconscious mind.

When Obsession Replaces Authenticity

Here’s the funny thing about the modern obsessoin with ‘Divine’ Masculine and Femine:

Istead of reconnecting with their natural energy, many people turn the volume all the way up, trying to embody the most exaggerated version of what they think they’re missing. This is purely because they’re SELF-INFLATING because of the SHAME they feel about how the perceive their embodiment of these energies:

A man who fears he’s not “masculine enough” might throw himself into hyper-masculine behaviours- bulking up at the gym, being overly stoic, or aggressively pursuing success.
A woman who fears she’s not “feminine enough” might overemphasise her appearance, avoid assertiveness, or force herself into traditional caregiving roles.

This is what happens when we try to filter our natural energy through concepts rather than letting it flow freely. The result is a performance rather than authenticity – a mask rather than realness. Ego over the TRUTH.

The Role of Age and Conditioning

This struggle often becomes more pronounced with age. As people grow older, they notice that others don’t treat them the way they used to – men may feel they’re no longer seen as powerful or desirable; women may feel they’re no longer admired or appreciated, for example.

What’s really happening, though, isn’t about the world “treating” you differently – it’s about you being different. The conditioning and expectations you’ve absorbed over time may have distanced you from your natural energy. And when you’re disconnected from yourself, others will mirror that disconnection.

The good news? You can change this by reconnecting with your true nature and GROWING REAL.

The Path Back to Balance: Yin, Yang, Shiva, and Shakti

To reconnect with your Divine Masculine and Feminine, it’s helpful to look at the wisdom of Yin and Yang or Shiva and Shakti.

These principles show us that balance is key – and balance doesn’t mean sameness. It means embracing the interplay of opposites which are in ALL of us:

Yin and Yang
- Yin (feminine energy): darkness, receptivity, intuition, and flow.
- Yang (masculine energy): light, action, direction, and structure.
Yin and Yang are not rivals – they are partners that COMPLEMENT each other. Too much Yang without Yin leads to burnout and rigidity; too much Yin without Yang leads to stagnation and chaos. True harmony comes from their dance, where each supports and enhances the other.
Shiva and Shakti
- Shiva represents stillness, awareness, and the unchanging essence of consciousness.Shakti represents movement, creativity, and the dynamic energy of life.
In Hindu philosophy, Shakti brings Shiva’s potential into form, while Shiva provides the container for Shakti’s energy. One cannot exist without the other – they are two sides of the same coin that COMPLEMENT each other (again).

This balance is a reflection of what we should strive for within ourselves and in our (romantic) relationships: a harmonious relationship between our masculine and feminine energies.

Practical Steps to Reconnect with Your REAL Nature

If you feel disconnected from your Divine Masculine or Feminine, don’t overthink it (because it has nothing to do with thinking and concepts but with actual BEING and EXPERIENCE) – the solution isn’t to become a caricature of these energies but to reconnect with what’s already inside you.

Embrace Your Differences
Stop trying to be the same as everyone else – whether you naturally lean more masculine, more feminine, or a mix of both, honour your unique expression. Remember, the miracle of divinity lies in being REAL and this means embracing your differences and respecting the similiarities.
Let Go of Shame
Shame around your masculinity or femininity isn’t yours to carry – it’s a product of conditioning, not truth. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it define you. The bottom line is that the world NEEDS masuline men and feminine women.
Tune into Your Natural Rhythms
Pay attention to your body, emotions, and instincts. Masculine energy thrives in discipline and action; feminine energy thrives in rest and flow. Both are essential – find the balance that works for you. Even a masuline guy who is in YANG energy all the time will occasionally need some YIN energy to bring himself back to centre (I do this with my workouts, for example – I always go pretty YANG with my weights but then follow with some YIN yoga to bring myself into being ROOTED).
Shadow Work
Explore the fears and insecurities that block you from embracing your true nature. What parts of yourself have you rejected or suppressed? Bring them into the light with compassion and allow them to be RECLAIMED as part of who you are. So many men I’ve worked with have initially been suppressing their MASCULINITY, for example – when you get it out of the SHADOW TERRITORY, real life can start taking place.
Express Freely
Drop the concepts and masks. Stop trying to ‘act’ masculine or feminine because of some spiritual bullsh*ttery you saw on social media and simply be yourself. Your authenticity is what makes you divine (REAL) so start by becoming AWARE of where you are, ACCEPT it and then take ACTION from that place instead of some concept you picked up somewhere (Awareness, Acceptance, and Action work every time – book a call and I’ll walk you through it).

Divine Masculine and Feminine in Real Life

To ground this in reality, consider these examples:

A man embracing his Divine Masculine might set boundaries with kindness, protect those he loves, and take decisive action towards his goals. He isn’t afraid of vulnerability because he knows it strengthens his ability to lead. He doesn’t need to ‘explain’ himself or justify himself for thinking what he’s thinking, feeling what he’s feeling, and doing what he’s doing. He just IS – rooted in his being.
A woman embracing her Divine Feminine might trust her intuition, create beauty in her environment, and nurture relationships with empathy. She isn’t afraid of assertiveness because she knows it strengthens her capacity to care and she knows that there’s a lot of STRENGTH that comes from being REAL.

Both are powerful, and neither is limited by rigid roles or stereotypes – they are simply expressions of nature itself, flowing freely without fear or shame.

(There is NO SHAME in nature – look at the animals).

The Bottom Line: Accept, Express, and TAKE REAL ACTION

The Divine Masculine and Feminine aren’t abstract ideals to strive for – they’re energies already within you, waiting to be embraced (because what’s real is always real). The more you accept yourself without fear or masks, the more naturally these energies will flow without you having to ‘think’ about it or create some FILTER of what it means to try and live through (that’s ego).

Basically: Stop filtering your nature through concepts and conditioning. Instead, let the dance of Yin and Yang, Shiva and Shakti, guide you back to the balance of being REAL.

Accept who you are, express what you find, and let your realness be what it is.

Stay real out there,

Get Closure: Fill in the Blanks with REALNESS

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Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology

When You Don’t Know What’s Going On, CHOOSE Something REAL

Most of the things you don’t know don’t matter.

Think about that for a second:

How much time do we waste agonising over unanswered and unanswerable questions, overanalysing someone else’s behaviour, or spinning stories to explain things that are, quite frankly, unknowable?

When you don’t have all the answers, your brain will fill in the blanks – it’s part of how humans are wired: we find ourselves in an open loop and our minds try to close them.

Here’s a lesson, though: what you fill those blanks with can either serve you or sabotage you.

This is where understanding REALNESS comes into play:

Life isn’t about being ‘perfect’ or knowing it all; it’s about living in alignment with what’s real – real in your relationship with yourself, real to the world, and real in terms of moving towards wholeness.

When you don’t know something, the most real thing you can do is choose beliefs that support your growth, rather than letting your mind run wild with assumptions that hold you back and cause you to doubt yourself or get lost in F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”).

Let’s explore how to stop defaulting to destructive projections and start filling the blanks in ways that keep you real, grounded, and growing so you can stay in the FLOW of your REAL life.

Projection: The Lens That Warps Reality

Imagine this: you’re walking down the street, and someone you know passes you without saying hello – maybe they even seem to avoid eye contact or they scuttle off in a suspicious manner.

What’s your first reaction?

“Did I do something wrong?”
“Do they hate me now?”
“Why are people always so rude to me?”

Sound familiar?

This spiral is what happens when your brain takes the raw data (they didn’t say hello) and starts filling in the blanks with your own emotional baggage. Carl Jung call this projection and pointed out that much of what we see in the world is affected by this phenomenon: “Perception is projection” – your tendency to see your own fears, insecurities, or assumptions reflected in the world around you.

Here’s the truth: most of the time, their behaviour has nothing to do with you but your INTERPRETATION of it is affected by whatever is going on inside you (when you get SQUEEZED, the JUICE that comes out shows you what’s what about your inner world).

Maybe they were distracted, having a bad day, or didn’t even see you but, instead of considering these neutral explanations, we tend to reach for interpretations that reinforce our own insecurities. Why? Because it’s easier for the brain to assume the worst than to sit with uncertainty and ride through it and TRUST life to be real.

The Problem with Projections

Projection isn’t just inaccurate – it’s exhausting and eats into your ENERGY.

Here’s why:

It activates your “stuff.” When you assume someone’s behaviour is a personal slight, it taps into old wounds, insecurities, and fears. Instead of responding to reality, you’re reacting to your own emotional baggage and the need of the EGO to avoid underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma and keep the SHADOW SELF at bay.
It creates unnecessary drama. By assuming the worst, you start treating the situation as though your story is true. This can lead to awkwardness, conflict, or even sabotaging relationships – you don’t ‘see’ what’s actually there but an extension and reflection of your F.E.A.R about yourself.
It wastes your energy. Every second spent ruminating over “why they did what they did” is a second you could’ve used to build something meaningful – your vision, your goals, your habits, and your REALNESS.

The REALNESS Response: Fill in the Blanks Wisely

Here’s the deal: when you don’t know why someone acted a certain way and you can’t find out (or don’t want to ask), you have two choices.

Default to a destructive projection (“They ignored me because I’m unworthy.”)
Consciously fill in the blanks with something that serves you.

The second option is an approach that’s more REAL – it’s not about being delusional or ignoring reality but about recognising that uncertainty is an invitation to choose your beliefs wisely (because all beliefs are CHOSEN anyway and the TRUTH is beyond belief).

The Three-Step Process to Fill in the Blanks

Pause and recognise the gap.
When you catch yourself making assumptions, take a step back. Ask yourself, “Do I actually know why they acted this way, or am I guessing?” If the answer is “I don’t know”, congratulations – you’ve identified the gap.
Choose a belief that serves you.
If you can’t know the truth, why not choose a story that empowers you? For example:
- “Maybe they’re ignoring me because they’re shy, not because I’m unworthy.”
- “Maybe they’re being rude because they had a bad day, not because I’ve done something wrong.”“
- Maybe they didn’t respond to my text because they’re busy, not because they hate me.”
These beliefs don’t have to be the truth (because you don’t know the truth) – they just have to keep you moving forward without dragging you down so you can get out of your head and back into the PROCESS of living your actual, real life.
Act in alignment with your REALNESS.
Once you’ve chosen a belief that serves you, act in alignment with your REAL VISION for your life. If you assume the best, you’ll naturally respond with kindness, confidence, or neutrality – behaviours that align with wholeness and growth and allow you to keep being spontaneous and moving instead of holding back and hesitating because of some mental block.

What If You’re “Delusional”?

Some people might say, “Isn’t this just being a little delulu (delusional)?”

And the answer is: not if you’re staying grounded in reality to the greatest extent possible (which, of course, means being honest with yourself).

The key is to balance optimism with REALNESS – don’t invent stories that completely detach you from reality (“They didn’t say hello because they’re secretly a spy avoiding detection!”).

Instead, choose explanations that are plausible and empowering (and remember that the idea is to just fill in the blank so your brain can stop scratching for answers and you can MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE).

Here’s an example:

Delusional belief: “They ignored me because they’re an incognito spy working for the government.”
Realistic and empowering belief: “Maybe they were distracted but their behaviour doesn’t define my worth so whatever.”

The point isn’t to sugarcoat reality or live in a fantasy world surrounded by magical unicorns – it’s to avoid unnecessary suffering by choosing beliefs that help you grow, rather than keeping you stuck.

Their Behaviour Speaks About Them—Not You

One of the most liberating truths you can embrace is this: other people’s behaviour is a reflection of them, not you.

Someone being rude? That’s about their mood, their struggles, or their patterns – not your worth.
Someone ignoring you? That’s about their priorities, distractions, or personality – not your value.

When you stop taking everything personally, you free yourself to live authentically – your energy shifts from obsessing over “why they did what they did” to focusing on your own growth and goals.

What you focus on grows and so redirecting your brain to where it can actually make a difference (instead of those unanswerable questions) can be the biggest gamechanger of all.

Practical Exercises to Stay Real

The “Pause and Reframe” Exercise
Next time someone acts in a way you don’t understand, pause before reacting. Ask yourself:
- “Do I actually know why they did that?”“Is there another explanation that’s more empowering?”
Reframe the situation with a belief that serves you, then act on it and keep moving.
The Gratitude Flip
When faced with uncertainty, practise gratitude for the opportunity to grow. For example:
- “I’m grateful for the chance to practise not taking things personally”
- “I’m grateful for the opportunity to choose my beliefs consciously”
  
  Basically: everything that happens – even the ‘bad’ stuff or the ‘difficult’ people we encounter are a LESSON in being more real in ourselves.
Do a THOUGHT LOG to stay real.
There’s a free tool you can download on this site that helps you to TRAIN YOURSELF to catch you unreal thoughts and pivot into focusing on the REAL ‘stuff’ instead. Do this daily for at least thirty days and you’ll get much better at filling in those blanks with something that actually serves you.

Enter your email and I’ll email it to you right away:

The Bottom Line: Stay Real, Stay Free

Most of the things you don’t know don’t matter and you can get closure by accepting this- what does matter is how you choose to interpret the world when the answers aren’t clear.

When you stop projecting your fears and insecurities onto others, you free yourself to live in alignment with your REALNESS and – when you consciously fill in the blanks with beliefs that serve you – you turn uncertainty into an opportunity for growth.

Next time someone ignores you, acts rudely, or leaves you wondering what’s going on, take a breath.

Remember: their behaviour speaks about them, but your beliefs speak about you. Choose beliefs that keep you moving towards wholeness and don’t let anything unreal or unknown stop you in your tracks.

Stay real out there,

Solution-Focused Living for REALNESS: Switching Focus from Problems to Solutions

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Life Philosophy/Coaching/Mindset/Personal Revolutions/Psychology

Stop Complaining, Start Solving: Embracing a Solution-Focused Life

As somebody once said, “Life is one damn thing after another” – if you’re here on Planet Earth living a human life then problems are inevitable.

Life – in all its messy, unpredictable glory – serves up a seemingly endless buffet of challenges for everyone and they just keep coming:

You might feel like you’re carrying the heaviest burden, but the truth is, if your problems disappeared tomorrow, others would surely take their place. There’s no escape. This is the human condition.

The question, then, isn’t whether you’ll encounter problems – it’s how you’ll choose to face them. Are you gonna be REAL or UNREAL?

If you’re feeling stuck in the swamp of complaints, regrets, and self-pity, it’s time to step back, reframe your perspective, and adopt a solution-focused worldview.

In this article, we’ll explore why problems are universal, how rumination keeps you trapped in ego, and why focusing on solutions is the only way out and back to reality.

Everyone Has Problems – You’re Not Special

Let’s start with a hard truth: your problems aren’t unique.

Sure, the specifics might differ, but every human being on this planet has their own struggles, disappointments, and battles. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie where everyone else is living happily-ever-after while the universe conspires against you. It just feels that way when you’re stuck in a cycle of self-pity because of ego and a F.E.A.R (“False evidence appearing real”) of leaving the comfort zone.

These days, we often wear our problems like badges of honour – as if they set us apart from others or make us more interesting somehow. But constantly airing your grievances, wallowing in how ‘unfair’ life is, or playing the victim doesn’t make you special. It just makes you insufferable.

Here’s the truth: the universe didn’t single you out and poop on your breakfast trolley. There’s just poop everywhere. Everyone is navigating the messiness of life, whether they talk about it or not (and some definitely talk about it more than others).

Instead of using your struggles to justify self-pity or demand sympathy, try using them as a bridge for empathy. Everyone you meet is carrying their own invisible load, whether they show it or not. Understanding this can make you more compassionate – and less tempted to bore people with endless complaints.

More than that, it allows you to start shifting away from your problems instead of just focusing on them and allowing them to grow bigger and bigger (what we focus on grows so if we become obsessed with our problems, they just grow – this is why it’s better to focus on the solution and what we actually WANT).

The Trap of Emotional Attachment to Problems

Emotions are a natural and essential part of being human. Over the course of your life, you’ll experience everything from euphoric highs to crushing lows, and that’s perfectly normal. But here’s the problem: when you identify with your struggles – when you let them define you – they become much harder to overcome because you become ENMESHED with your emotions instead of letting them pass (and emotions are e-motion, energy in motion – they will pass if you let them).

Think about it:

How often do you find yourself stuck in a mental loop of “Why me?”, “How could this happen?”, or “What if things had gone differently?”

These questions might feel productive in the moment – because we often trick ourselves into thinking that worrying about something is the same as doing something about it – but they’re really just emotional quicksand. They keep you stuck in the past, blind to the opportunities of the present, and paralysed about the future.

The more you fixate on your problems, the heavier they become, and the more likely they are to linger; your mental baggage weighs you down, leaving you too encumbered to take meaningful steps forward. Life is precious, and every second spent dwelling on something unchangeable is a second wasted because worrying doesn’t change a single thing.

Why a Solution-Focused Worldview Works

Here’s where the shift happens: instead of focusing on the problem, focus on the solution.

A solution-focused worldview is about acknowledging that problems are a natural part of life, and then breaking them down into manageable pieces. It’s not about denying your emotions or brushing your struggles under the rug – it’s about facing them, processing them, and refusing to let them define you (and, really, they can only define you if you RESIST because – as Carl Jung said – what you resist persists).

Step 1: Accept the Reality of Problems

The first step is to accept that life is inherently messy – problems will arise, no matter how well you plan or how carefully you tread. Instead of railing against this reality, embrace it. Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity – it means making peace with the fact that problems are part of the deal so you can stay ACTIVE.

Step 2: Separate What You Can Control from What You Can’t

Not all problems are created equal. Some are within your influence; others aren’t. The trick is learning to differentiate between the two. Worrying about things you can’t control is like trying to row a boat with a sieve – it’s exhausting and pointless.

Instead, focus your energy on the aspects of your problems that are within your control. Break them down into smaller, actionable steps – a daunting challenge becomes far less intimidating when it’s divided into manageable pieces.

Step 3: Embrace and Process Your Emotions, But Don’t Stop There

Your feelings are valid, but they’re not the whole story. Acknowledge the emotions that come with your struggles – grief, anger, frustration – but don’t let them have the final word. Feel them, process them, and then move forward by transmuting the energy into the solution.

Step 4: Take Action

Here’s the most important part: do something. Action is the only cure for anything. You can’t think your way out of a problem – you have to act your way out. Even small, imperfect steps can lead to progress, and even the ‘wrong’ action will eventually teach you something (even if it’s just a better strategy) because action is always connected to reality beyond the ideas in our heads.

Progress, Not Perfection

It’s tempting to wait for the ‘perfect’ moment, the ‘perfect’ plan, or the ‘perfect’ circumstances to address your problems but perfection is an illusion and waiting for it will only keep you stuck.

Progress doesn’t happen all at once – it happens incrementally, one step at a time so keep taking the steps.

Think of it like climbing a mountain:

You don’t get to the summit in a single leap – you take one step, then another, then another. Some steps are harder than others; some might feel like setbacks. But as long as you keep moving, you’re making progress.

When you focus on your problems, you become too overwhelmed to take even the next small step; when you focus on the solution, you eventually find a way up the mountain.

Life Is Unfair – Be Fair Anyway

Life isn’t ‘fair’ (though this applies to all of us which is equal, at least).

It never has been, and it never will be. Some people start with more advantages, others face greater challenges and we all have our own FATE (the cards we’ve been dealt) to contend with. But fairness isn’t the point – how you respond to life’s unfairness is what matters so you can find your DESTINY (the choices you make about the cards you’ve been dealt).

When you’re dealing with your own struggles, it’s easy to forget that everyone else is fighting their own battles too – but they are. Some people suffer in silence; others wear their pain on their sleeves but no one is immune to hardship because life is hard for all of us at one time or another.

The best thing you can do is to be fair – to yourself and to others. Don’t let your struggles harden you as you cling more and more to the EGO. Let them soften you and make you REAL. Let them make you more empathetic, more understanding, and more determined to find solutions so you can keep building flow.

The Takeaway: Problems Are Inevitable, Solutions are a RAL Choice

Problems are a given. They’re part of the human experience.

How you respond to them is entirely up to you.

You can choose to complain, wallow, and let your struggles define you or you can choose to embrace a solution-focused worldview – accepting your problems, processing your emotions, and taking REAL action to move forward.

The universe didn’t single you out. There’s poop everywhere. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in the mess. Start solving. Start moving. And start living.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number sixteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Humility: The Path to Realness and Liberation

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Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Relationships

Humility isn’t about feeling ‘bad’ but about facing truth to feel ‘good’.

Humility gets a bad rap….For many, it conjures images of self-deprecation, grovelling, or feeling “less than” in some way.

But REAL humility isn’t about feeling ‘bad’ or small – it’s about a healthy acceptance of your limits so you can feel ‘good’. It’s about recognising your place in the grand, interconnected web of existence and letting go of the pretences and false narratives that hold you back from living authentically and away from the Ego.

Humility, in this sense, isn’t just a virtue; it’s a necessity for REALNESS. And REALNESS, as you might know, is all about uncovering the truth and living in alignment with it – because reality always works and nothing else can or ever will.

A lot of the philosophies and religions that preach humility end up twisting it into a tool for shaming people into submission. This isn’t humility; it’s manipulation.

Let’s explore why humility is vital for liberation, why shame has no place in it, and how embracing humility can help you reconnect with your authentic self and the flow of life to GROW REAL.

What Humility Really Means

At its core, humility is about acceptance – accepting yourself, your life, and your limits without judgement (because judgement is the opposite of acceptance). It’s not about putting yourself down or pretending you’re less capable than you are – it’s about seeing yourself as you truly are (as much as that’s possible), without the resistance or distortions of ego-driven narratives like the victim mentality or the hero complex.

The Victim Mentality says, “I’m powerless. Life is happening to me, and I can’t do anything about it”.
The Hero Complex says, “I’m invincible. I can control everything and everyone around me”.

Both of these approaches to life are illusions caused by the EGO and both take you away from the truth.

Real humility is the middle ground: no more than human, no less. Just you, as you are – flawed, limited, and yet deeply connected to something much larger than yourself and capable of amazing and beautiful things.

When you embrace this perspective, you stop fighting reality; you let go of the constant need to prove yourself or protect yourself and in that letting go, you find freedom.

Humility and Wholeness

We’re not really living a real life if we’re not moving towards a deeper sense of WHOLENESS in some way – and humility is essential for wholeness. Whether you call it truth, liberation, God, or something else – this wholeness is the ultimate goal of any spiritual or personal growth journey.

Unfortunately, this is where many spiritual traditions get it things distorted and confused:

Instead of guiding people toward wholeness, they end up using humility as a way to impose shame. They say things like:

“You’re a sinner” (as though this is a final destination and there’s nothing you can do about it – even the word ‘sin’ etymologically just means to “miss the mark” and go off track…not to be fundamentally flawed).
“You’re unworthy” (as this is impossible as we’re all ‘worthy’ of something).
“You need to earn your place in the universe” (when we already have one and just need to ACCEPT it and build something with it).

This kind of messaging doesn’t liberate people or free them to experience their REALNESS; it enslaves them to the EGO and makes them become stuck and passive.

This is because shame creates fragmentation. It makes you feel like there’s something inherently ‘wrong’ with you, something you need to hide or fix before you can be whole. It causes you to become SPLIT within yourself and then to project this split outside yourself so the world becomes fragmented too.

The truth is is that the path to wholeness isn’t about adding or ‘fixing’ anything. It’s about letting go – of shame, of ego, of all the things that stop you from being humble and real so that you can integrate your Shadow and become whole again (and flow with the natural drive towards wholeness that’s unfolding in you at all times).

As paradoxical as it might sound, humility isn’t about making yourself smaller – it’s about dissolving the barriers that separate you from the truth of who you are so that you can accept life, see that you can’t control everything, and learn to surrender and accept that getting where you want to be is about working with life as a whole and learning to TRUST.

Humility Without Shame

So, how do you embrace humility without falling into the trap of shame? Here are a few key distinctions:

Humility is acceptance, not judgment.
Humility means accepting your limits, but it doesn’t mean judging yourself for having them. It’s recognising that being human comes with constraints – physical, mental, emotional – and that’s okay. You’re not supposed to be perfect, nor can you be all ‘good’ or all ‘bad’ – you’re just real.
Humility is freedom, not submission.
True humility doesn’t mean bowing down to others or giving up your power. It means freeing yourself from the need to constantly prove your worth, whether to yourself or anyone else. It’s also about embracing the FREEDOM that comes from accepting that life is BIGGER than ‘You’ and your ideas about yourself – when you embrace this you can let go and surrender to life and work with it, instead of against it.
Humility is connection, not isolation.
When you’re humble, you stop seeing yourself as separate from the world and life around you. You realise that you’re part of something much larger, and this realisation dissolves the barriers that shame and ego create. You let go of the illusions of separation and stasis and you can grow into who you were made to be as a whole.

The Ego vs Humility

One of the biggest obstacles to humility is the Ego because the ego is the opposite of reality (to quote my book Personal Revolutions). The Ego thrives on comparison, control, and separation. It wants to be either “better than” or “worse than” because both positions reinforce its sense of identity.

But humility doesn’t play the Ego’s game – it doesn’t put you above or below anyone else. It simply allows you to be REAL (which is beyond comparison but also not separate or isolated because in reality and wholeness everything is connected).

When you stop fighting to maintain the Ego’s illusions, something remarkable happens: you start to feel at peace with yourself, the world, and reality itself.

This is why humility is so vital for REALNESS:

REALNESS is about aligning with the truth, and you can’t do that if you’re stuck in the ego’s distorted narratives. You need to let go of the ego’s need to hide behind labels like ‘victim’ or ‘hero’ etc. and face reality as it is.

You can’t be humble and avoid reality because reality always humbles us by asking us to step away from ego (the main if not only source of problems).

Practical Steps to Cultivate Humility

If humility is the path to wholeness and liberation, how do we walk it?

Here are some practical steps to help you cultivate humility in your everyday life:

Acknowledge Your Limits
Take an honest look at your strengths and weaknesses. What are you good at? What are your blind spots? By recognising your limits, you free yourself from the pressure to be something you’re not (ego).
Let Go of Comparison
Stop measuring yourself against others. Whether you’re comparing your achievements, appearance, or anything else, comparison only feeds ego and creates unnecessary suffering.
Practise Self-Acceptance
Remind yourself daily: “I am enough as I am”. This doesn’t mean you stop striving for growth, but it does mean you stop attaching your worth to external outcomes or approval and helps you to stop being SHAME-DRIVEN and to get into being real instead.
Be Present
Humility thrives in the present moment. When you’re fully engaged with what’s happening right now, you’re less likely to get caught up in ego-driven narratives about the past, present, or future.
Serve Others
One of the best ways to dissolve the ego is to focus on helping others. Not from a place of martyrdom or superiority, but from a genuine desire to contribute to something beyond yourself. When you look for ways to serve others, you instantly take the focus off your ideas about yourself and can become connected to the world around you in a real way.

Humility in Action

To bring all of this to life, let’s imagine two people facing a challenging situation – say, a major career setback:

Person A is stuck in a victim mentality. They blame their boss, the economy, or bad luck. Their frame is, “This shouldn’t be happening to me” and they resist reality at every turn.
Person B approaches the same situation with humility. They acknowledge their limits (“I couldn’t control the company’s decision to downsize”) and take responsibility for what they can control (“What’s my next best step?”).

Person A stays stuck, while Person B grows. Why? Because humility allows them to align with reality and take constructive action.

Final Thoughts

Humility isn’t about feeling ‘bad’ or small. It’s about letting go of the Ego’s need to control or judge and embracing yourself – and life – as it truly is.

When you’re humble, you’re no longer trapped by shame or fear – you stop hiding behind illusions and start living in alignment with the truth and this is where real freedom lies.

Let go of the victim mentality. Let go of the hero complex. Let go of the dogmas that shame you into submission and find ACCEPTANCE instead. True humility isn’t about becoming less; it’s about becoming one – with yourself, with life, and with the flow of reality in wholeness.

Stay real out there.

Frame: Maintaining a Relationship with Reality

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Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Relationships

Whose Frame Are You Living In?

Life gets a lot easier when you slow down and flow with your own FRAME.

This is a pretty simple idea, yet it holds profound implications for the way you can navigate relationships, society, and even your own sense of self.

When you start paying attention to your own ‘Frame’ – your unique interpretation of reality – you’ll realise how often you unconsciously surrender it to someone else, and how much this subtle surrender can shape our happiness, choices, and the results we get in life.

What Is a Frame?

In this context, a frame is your personal filter or interpretation of reality:

It’s the way you see and make sense of the world, shaped by your beliefs, experiences, and emotions. You can think of it as a kind of mental and emotional lens through which you interact with life.

What’s important to know is that frames aren’t fixed – they’re fluid and we often switch between one frame and another without even realising it. This is especially true when we’re interacting with others -partners, colleagues, society at large – whose frames might dominate or influence our own if we’re acting on autopilot and not paying attention.

The short-version of why this is important is that – when you lose control of your frame – you essentially hand over the reins of your emotional and mental reality to someone else. Their interpretation becomes your truth, and that’s where the trouble begins and your sense of self (EGO, in this case) gets enmeshed with the world around you.

This can just lead to you getting lost to the Void.

Unreality: The Trap of Living in Someone Else’s Frame

A lot of people are miserable and fail to get the results they want in life purely because they’ve given up control of their own frame. Why does this happen?

The answer often boils down to F.E.A.R – “false evidence appearing real.”

Unreal fear convinces us to accept interpretations of reality that don’t serve our growth or goals.

For instance:

In relationships, fear of conflict or rejection might lead you to adopt your partner’s perspective, even if it clashes with your core values.
In society, fear of standing out or being judged based on society’s ‘frame’ might cause you to conform to social norms that don’t align with your true self.
In work, fear of failure might push you to chase someone else’s idea of success, ignoring what truly fulfils you.

Over time, living in someone else’s frame can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and stuck – you might achieve external success but feel hollow inside. Even worse, you might struggle to achieve anything at all because your decisions are rooted in a reality that isn’t even yours and so your thoughts and actions become more and more unreal.

Reality vs Interpretation

It’s crucial to remember: reality is always reality, but interpretations vary. Reality is what it is but how we interpret this is-ness is affected by our own inner experience of ourselves and what we’re willing to face about life – this creates interpretations that shape our frames.

For example, two people might face the same challenge, such as losing a job. One person’s frame might interpret this as a devastating failure, while the other sees it as an opportunity to start fresh. The reality of losing a job doesn’t change, but the interpretation determines the emotional response and subsequent actions.

The difference between our CHOICE for one frame or another comes down to our unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ (shame, guilt, and/or trauma, usually) and what’s going on inside ourselves. When we get squeezed, the juice often reveals what’s inside us…

Anyway, when we unconsciously adopt someone else’s frame, we start living in their interpretation of reality. This is a ‘problem’ and can lead to UNREALITY because their interpretation might not even align with truth – or with what’s best for us.

Reclaiming Your Frame

The way to undo this programming is simple but not always easy: slow down and pay attention to whose frame you’re in at a given moment.

Slowing down is essential because we often get caught up in the rush of life, reacting to external pressures without pausing to reflect – this creates the perfect environment for other people’s frames to dominate.

Slowing down allows you to:

Check in with yourself: Are your current thoughts, emotions, and decisions aligned with your truth, or are they influenced by someone else’s interpretation and ideas about how something ‘should’ be?
Cultivate awareness: Notice when you’re slipping into someone else’s frame – this might happen in subtle ways, like agreeing to something you don’t really want or suppressing your feelings to avoid conflict.
Re-centre your frame: Remind yourself of your own goals, values, and reality. Ask, “Does this serve my growth and in a REAL way?”

Frames in Relationships

In intimate relationships, frames become even more dynamic:

When there’s true presence and connection, the boundaries between frames dissolve, creating a shared frame of mutual understanding and wholeness (in other words: more presence, less frame).

These moments of intimacy are powerful but outside of these moments of deep connection, maintaining your own frame is essential for your sanity and individuality. Even in the healthiest relationships, there will be times when your partner’s frame clashes with yours. Without awareness, it’s easy to unconsciously get sucked into their interpretation of reality and to lose your own rootedness.

For relationships to function well, there needs to be mutual respect – a collective or tribal frame where both individuals maintain their authenticity while finding common ground. This respect ensures that neither person dominates the other’s reality, allowing the relationship to thrive as a partnership rather than a power struggle. You can only get to this point by KNOWING and having CONFIDENCE in your own frame so that it doesn’t get shaken without your permission.

Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Frame and Get REAL

If you find yourself living in someone else’s frame more often than you’d like, here are some practical steps to reclaim your own:

Slow Down: Build moments of stillness into your day – whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or simply taking a walk without distractions. Slowing down creates space for reflection and recalibration and allows you to get back in touch with your own real core (so your frame can be ROOTED in something real and not something external).
Ask Questions: When faced with a decision or conflict, ask yourself: “Is this really the truth, or am I acting based on someone else’s expectations or fears and their interpretation of things/frame?”
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your needs and values to others. This helps you stay anchored in your frame while fostering mutual respect. The easiest way to start setting boundaries is to say “NO” to anything unreal and “YES” to anything real.
Practise Presence: Be fully present in your interactions. This doesn’t mean abandoning your frame but rather engaging with others without losing yourself by knowing where your frame ends and theirs begins.
Reflect Regularly: Take time to review your day and notice moments where you might have slipped into someone else’s frame. Awareness is the first step to change. Keeping a journal (like my Flow Builder) can help with this for sure.

Flowing With Your Own Frame

Ultimately, life becomes easier and more fulfilling when you learn to flow with your own frame. This doesn’t mean rejecting other people’s perspectives altogether – it means being grounded enough in the truth to engage with others from a place of REALNESS rather than F.E.A.R (“false evidence appearing real”).

When you’re in your frame, you’re no longer at the mercy of external interpretations. You make decisions that align with your values and goals, leading to better results and deeper satisfaction. And because you’re not projecting your fears onto others, your relationships improve too – creating space for genuine connection and mutual growth.

Final Thoughts

Reality is always reality and it always works. The facts don’t change, but the frames we adopt can make life much harder – or much easier – than it needs to be.

By slowing down and reclaiming your frame, you take back control of your emotions, your choices, and your life.

So, whose frame are you living in? And is it time to flow back into your own?

Stay real out there,

Building Flow: Finding Realness in Wholeness

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Creativity/Coaching/Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Shadow Life/Yoga

All Paths Lead to the Same Place: THE FLOW of WHOLENESS

Everybody is in their own flow, but it’s all flowing toward the same truth: wholeness.

This is a deceptively simple idea that captures the essence of what all effective helping and healing professions ultimately aim to achieve:

Whether through therapy, coaching, ‘spiritual’ guidance, or whatever else, the journey always leads back to a state of flow – a natural alignment with reality, where wholeness becomes both the destination and the path.

What is Flow?

Flow is often described as a state of effortless action – think of an artist immersed in their craft or an athlete performing at their peak; these are moments where action feels seamless, intuitive, and deeply satisfying.

But REAL flow is more than a temporary state of heightened productivity – it’s the process of aligning with reality. It’s a way of moving with life rather than against it, surrendering to what is rather than resisting or forcing what isn’t.

In my life and coaching philosophy of Realness, flow represents a state of living in truth; realness is about stripping away the layers of distortion and resitsance – false beliefs, learned patterns, and ego-driven narratives – that keep us in a shame-fuelled state of fragmentation and a false need to FORCE life (so we can keep hiding from ourselves and avoid the Shadow Self).

When we let go of these barriers, we reconnect with a deeper sense of self – our REALNESS – that is whole and unified. This process of uncovering and integrating our truth is what it means to build flow.

Building Flow: A Universal Path

Flow isn’t something that just happens to us; it’s something we build by learning to overcome the patterns and habitual ways of thinking, being, and doing that keep us from it… At frist this takes a little effort but – as we integrate and LET GO – it becomes effortless and REAL.

Ultimately, building flow requires Awareness, Acceptance, and Action—the three pillars of Realness and the main stages of transformation that I walk my coaching clients through (though it’s not a linear process – more of a spiral that we can go deeper and deeper into).

These stages guide us from a place of fragmentation to a state of wholeness:

Awareness: Recognising the obstacles to flow within ourselves. These can be emotional blockages, mental distortions, physical resistance, or anything else UNREAL that we need to let go of.
Acceptance: Embracing what we find without judgment. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means acknowledging reality as it is so we can work with it rather than against it. Only then can we BUILD in an effective way.
Action: Taking intentional steps to align with reality. This might involve healing practices, lifestyle changes, or simply letting go of control and trusting the process as we move towards our VISION.

As we build flow, we begin to experience life differently:

Challenges feel less like insurmountable obstacles and more like opportunities for growth, relationships become more authentic as we drop our projections and meet others in their own flow; most importantly, we start to feel a deeper connection to ourselves, others, and the world around us as we get into reality and out of our heads.

Guiding Others Into Flow

One of the most beautiful aspects of being in flow is that it naturally inspires others to find their own flow too:

When we’re aligned with reality, we stop forcing and start flowing and this shift in energy has a profound effect on the people around us. Instead of projecting our fears, insecurities, or expectations onto others, we create space for them to explore their own truth.

In my coaching practice, I’ve seen this time and again:

Clients who initially struggle with resistance – whether it’s resistance to their emotions, their circumstances, or themselves – begin to become more open as they build flow. This is never something I can force upon them; all I can do is guide them toward the conditions that allow flow to emerge (by asking the ‘right’ questions or helping them to accept things that are emerging from the Shadow Territory etc.).

Whe this happens, it’s kinda like watching a river break free from a dam. Their momentum builds, and suddenly they’re not just surviving – they’re thriving. They’re no longer UNREAL (stuck in ego) but REAL (taking action and flowing as their authentic selves).

What I love about this process (from a totally selfish point of view) is that it continually reinforces my own flow. Witnessing others reconnect with their wholeness reminds me of the interconnected nature of life. It’s a humbling and deeply fulfilling experience that underscores a simple truth that I try to live by these days:

I’m in wholeness, and wholeness is in me.

The Science of Flow and Wholeness

Flow isn’t just an airy-fairy ‘philosophical’ concept; it’s backed by science.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who coined the term “flow state,” found that people in flow experience heightened focus, creativity, and satisfaction. Neurologically, flow is associated with a state of transient hypofrontality, where the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self-criticism and overthinking and many other fragmented ‘ego’ type ways of engaging with life) quiets down.

This allows us to get out of our own way and to actually experience the reality of PRESENCE.

Similarly, the concept of wholeness aligns with what researchers in psychology and neuroscience describe as integration:

When different parts of the brain and body are working harmoniously, we experience greater well-being and resilience. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and somatic exercises are all ways to foster this integration and build flow because they ensure that our conscious and unconscious mind are pointing in the same direction instead of tearing us apart into deeper fragmentation and the Void.

Lessons From Nature

Nature offers countless examples of flow in action and shows us just how REAL it is:

Rivers don’t force their way to the ocean; they follow the path of least resistance. Trees grow in harmony with their environment, adapting to sunlight, water, and soil conditions. Even animals instinctively move in flow with the rhythms of nature, responding to seasonal changes and ecological dynamics.

As humans, we often lose this connection to natural flow – our minds get caught up in shoulds and shouldn’ts, fears and fantasies. But the more we align with reality – the way things truly are – and accept that IT IS WHAT IT IS the more we reconnect with the flow that underpins all of life.

Practical Steps to Build Flow

So that all sounds very nice but how do we make it practical?

Well, if you’re feeling ‘stuck’ or like you’re ready for your next level, then here are a few tangible ways to start building flow in your life:

Slow Down: Take time to pause and notice what’s happening within and around you. Stillness creates space for awareness and slows down your mind and nervous system. This allows you to actually be present instead of just reacting to your own physiology etc.
Let Go of Control: Practice surrendering to situations instead of forcing outcomes. Trust that life will unfold as it needs to. Most of life is beyond our control and so most attempts to control the uncontrollable are just the EGO trying to keep it’s hold over us (which is the main problem as it causes fragmentation and keeps us from wholeness…where the flow is).
Tune Into Your Body: Use breathwork, yoga, or other somatic practices to release physical tension and reconnect with your body’s natural rhythms. If you’re new to this kind of thing then I really recommend YIN YOGA – this is a very slow and meditative form of yoga that’s designed to help your body release and integrate whatever it needs to work on.
Embrace Discomfort: Growth often requires stepping outside your comfort zone. Learn to view challenges as opportunities to deepen your flow. Look for ways to STRETCH yourself daily – whether it’s more intensity with your workouts, a slightly bigger goal for yourself, or doing something new that will encourage you to let go of old patterns and develop new ones.
Surround Yourself With Realness: Seek out people, environments, and practices that support your alignment with truth. A famous mantra that I often use for myself (from my book Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World) is “Gimme something REAL or GTFO” – learn to discern the real from unreal and to continuously shift into making choices for wholeness (REAL) over fragmentation (unreal).

Flow as a Collective Journey

Ultimately, everyone is in their own flow, but all flows lead to the same truth: wholeness.

This is what unites us, even in our differences – by building flow within ourselves, we contribute to a larger collective flow – a movement toward greater REALNESS, connection, and harmony.

Keep doing two things and you’ll probably be all right:

Uncover the truth
Live the truth

Keep building your flow, and remember: “I’m in wholeness, and wholeness is in me” – it’s not just a mantra; it’s a way of living that transforms not only your life but the lives of everyone you flow with.

Stay real out there,

Mummy Issues in Men and Women: The Basics and What to Do

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Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Relationships

What can happen when your relationship with your mother gets messed up?

When people talk about “Daddy Issues” there’s an almost casual familiarity to the term – as though we all instinctively just understand what it ‘means’ and how it can show up for people (especially when people are out there engaging in ‘Fatherless behaviour’).

On the other side of the coin, when it comes to “Mummy issues,” the conversation often falls silent. This silence does not reflect a lack of relevance; rather, it highlights an underexplored realm of human experience (or maybe just one that we’re scared to talk about and explore in more detail).

The bottom line is that Mummy issues – or the emotional complexities and struggles stemming from one’s relationship with their mother – manifest in a variety of ways, often subtly but with profound impact that can send people hurtling into the Void and cause them to live lives of ‘quiet desperation’.

Unlike the archetype of “daddy issues” that tends to focus on absent or emotionally unavailable fathers, mummy issues delve into an area laden with societal taboos, emotional ambivalence, and conflicting expectations.

Motherhood, after all, is idealised in many cultures. Mothers are seen as the ultimate nurturers and caregivers, yet the reality is that not all mothers fit this ideal because no human is ideal and we all bring our own ‘stuff’ to the table.

Far from being, the angels that we might see on 1950s TV shows, many mothers are actually neglectful, critical, overbearing, or simply just emotionally unavailable (because of whatever they’ve been through: “Hurt people hurt people”). These dynamics create ripple effects that shape our behaviours, relationships, and sense of self well into adulthood by causing us to send very REAL parts of ourselves into hiding and also to affect how we can or can’t express what’s true about ourselves.

In this article, we’ll unpack what mummy issues are, how they show up differently in women compared to men, and, most importantly, what can be done to address these challenges. This journey takes us through the trifecta of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, offering a roadmap for healing and growth so that – by the time you’ve finished reading – you’ll know some practical steps to move forward and start growing real.

If you wanna talk about any of this ‘stuff’ then book a call with me to go deeper.

What Are Mummy Issues?

At their core, mummy issues arise when the bond between a mother and her child is disrupted or fraught with emotional difficulty. This disruption could stem from many factors: emotional unavailability, criticism, neglect, enmeshment, or even overbearing control.

When a mother is unable to meet her child’s emotional or physical needs in a healthy way, the child often compensates by developing patterns of behaviour and beliefs that persist into adulthood and bring all kinds of friction, frustration, and misery.

In general, these compensatory patterns frequently fall into two categories: over-identification with the mother’s traits and behaviours, or rebellion against them. Both responses are rooted in the unmet needs of the child and the coping mechanisms developed to navigate a complex maternal relationship.

For women, mummy issues often involve a rejection of their own femininity. The mother’s critical gaze or unmet emotional needs can leave daughters feeling that their feminine qualities are inadequate or burdensome. Conversely, men with mummy issues may deny or suppress their masculinity, as a reaction to the maternal relationship or in an attempt to win maternal approval.

These patterns can leave individuals feeling disconnected from their authentic selves, trapped in behaviours that don’t serve them, and causing to create an EGO version of themselves that keeps the REAL version of who they are locked in the SHADOW TERRITORY.

Symptoms of Mummy Issues

The symptoms of mummy issues are as varied as the people who experience them – for women, they can often show up in the following ways:

Over-mothering others: Many women with mummy issues report an overwhelming need to nurture and care for others. This compulsion to ‘mother’ can stem from a lack of nurturing received during childhood. Often this shows up as an overwhelming and COMPULSIVE desire to take care of people and ‘mother’ them in a ways they feel they never received.

This can be draining and also lead to the feeling of being taken advantage of (because nobody ‘mothers’ them back). This pattern often leaves these women feeling exhausted and unfulfilled, as their own needs remain unmet (which can just make them feel even more SHAME and less self-acceptance).
Difficulty setting boundaries: Women with mummy issues often struggle to say no or establish emotional boundaries. They may feel compelled to prioritise others’ needs over their own, driven by a subconscious desire to avoid conflict or rejection.
People-pleasing and self-worth issues: A recurring theme is the need to constantly prove their worth. This creates a cycle of over-apologising, avoiding confrontation, and feeling like a burden.
Emotional disconnection: Some women experience difficulty connecting with their own emotions, often rooted in childhood experiences where emotional expression was discouraged or punished. This is often because of the way emotions were SHAMED in childhood: for example, many young girls are told that their emotions are manipulative or over-the-top and so as adults they close down and be guarded around themselves and others.
Complexities in female friendships: Many women with mummy issues struggle to trust other women, particularly older women who remind them of their mothers. This often results in a lack of close female friendships or a constant fear that these friendships will dissolve. This makes sense as if the ‘closest’ women in their lives doesn’t ‘like’ them then why would they expect others to?

For men, mummy issues often manifest differently:

Over-reliance on maternal figures: Some men with mummy issues may unconsciously seek out motherly partners or authority figures, looking for the nurturing they lacked in childhood. This leads to unhealthy romantic relationships where they’re not looking for a partner but for a substitute mother figure.
Suppression of masculinity: Men with mummy issues often feel uncomfortable with traditional expressions of masculinity, either avoiding them altogether or overcompensating in an effort to prove themselves. This also happens with daddy issues in men.
Emotional dependency or avoidance: Men with unresolved mummy issues may either become overly dependent on their partners or avoid intimacy altogether, fearing emotional entanglement.
Difficulty asserting independence: An overbearing or controlling mother can leave men feeling unable to make decisions or assert themselves confidently in adult life. This leads to them attracting overbearing partners which just exacerbates their SHAME and inner turmoil.

The Roots of Mummy Issues

Understanding the roots of mummy issues requires us to examine the societal and familial dynamics that shape the mother-child relationship. Mothers often carry the weight of societal expectations to be everything to everyone: loving, nurturing, patient, self-sacrificing, and endlessly supportive.

When these expectations collide with the reality of a mother’s own emotional struggles, mental health challenges, or unmet needs, the results can be damaging for the child (like we already said: “Hurt people hurt people”).

Furthermore, generational patterns play a significant role. Many mothers unconsciously pass down their own unresolved traumas and behaviours to their children. A mother who was criticised by her own mother may unknowingly become critical of her daughter. Breaking these cycles requires conscious effort and self-awareness, both on the part of the mother and the adult child.

Breaking Free: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action (It Works Every Time)

Healing from mummy issues is not about blaming your mother or erasing her influence. It is about recognising the impact of the relationship, understanding how it has shaped you, and taking steps to reclaim your authentic self.

The process can be summarised in three key stages: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action (the three stages in any transformational journey – I use this with my coaching clients all the time):

1. Awareness

The first step is to become AWARE of the patterns and beliefs that stem from your relationship with your mother. Journaling, therapy, and self-reflection can help you identify behaviours that no longer serve you.
Ask yourself:

Do I feel compelled to mother others at the expense of my own needs?
Am I uncomfortable expressing emotions or asserting boundaries?
Do I seek approval from others, particularly maternal figures?
How do I feel about my femininity or masculinity?

By shining a light on these patterns, you can begin to understand their origins and their impact on your life.

2. Acceptance

Acceptance involves acknowledging your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or grief about your experiences. Accepting these emotions allows you to process and release them.

This stage also includes understanding your mother’s humanity. She may have been doing the best she could with the tools and experiences she had and was probably being driven by her own shame, guilt, and/or trauma because of her own bringing (not that this is an excuse but it can help you understand how you ended up where you did).

Again, acceptance doesn’t mean excusing harmful behaviour; it means releasing the need for her to be different in order for you to heal. Recognise that you have the power to define your own path, regardless of your mother’s actions or limitations but always accept that it is what it is so you can build something real with what you find.

3. Action

The final step is to take action to break free from old patterns and build healthier habits – this might include:

Setting boundaries: Learn to say no and prioritise your own needs without guilt. Practice small acts of self-care and self-assertion daily.
Seeking coach: A trained coach can help you navigate complex emotions and develop strategies for moving forward and ACTING in a REAL way (which is the best way to undo your unhelpful programming – book a call with me to explore this).
Cultivating self-compassion: Replace self-criticism with kindness. Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to your achievements or others’ approval.
Building healthy relationships: Focus on developing relationships that are based on mutual respect and trust. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and well-being.
Exploring femininity or masculinity: If you feel disconnected from your core enegry, explore ways to reconnect and bring your sexual polarity out of the shadows and back to the light.

Moving Forward

Mummy issues are a complex and deeply personal subject, but they are not insurmountable; by cultivating Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, you can begin to untangle the threads of your past and weave a future that feels REAL and fulfilling.

Remember, healing is not a linear journey but a spiral and you can always go deeper (including into Awareness, Acceptance, and Action):

There will be setbacks and challenges, but every step you take towards understanding and embracing yourself is a step towards your wholeness. Through this process, you reclaim not only your sense of self but also your capacity to live a life that is grounded in truth, connection, and inner peace.

Stay real out there,

Leaving the House That Shame Built: The Real Ones Shine Different

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Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Relationships

REAL always shines in its own way but UNREAL is always clouded with the same darkness: SHAME.

There’s a reason why the REAL ones shine in a way that makes them unforgettable…their glow is unique, a light they’ve cultivated by stepping fully into who they are and embracing WHOLENESS instead of splitting themselves into imaginary fragments.

In contrast, the UNREAL ones – the people trapped in the shadows of their own shame – blend into sameness, their brilliance clouded by the same universal darkness of being disconnected from who they really are and living out their lives in the VOID.

The difference lies in the choice (or lack thereof) to confront UNRESOLVED SHAME:

Realness comes from facing and dissolving it, while unreality is born from avoiding it.

And, here’s the thing: shame doesn’t ask for permission to hold you back; it just takes over, wrapping you in fear, disconnection, and stagnation until you either wake up and reclaim your life or remain stuck in its grip.

But what does this mean in practice?

Why does shame have so much power to dim our light?

And how can we break free to let the realness shine through?

Let’s take a look and see what we can learn:

Shame: The Architect of the Unreal Self (EGO)

Shame is insidious. It’s not a loud, dramatic force; it’s a quiet, suffocating presence that convinces you to shrink away from the world. When shame takes root, it builds what can only be described as “the house that shame built” – a house of lies with walls constructed from false beliefs about who you are, what you’re capable of, and how the world sees you.

Living in this house means disconnecting from your realness. Your nature, your gifts, your relationship with truth – these are the first things to go. You lose sight of your purpose and vision because shame tells you they’re not worth pursuing. And so, instead of shining, you dim yourself to fit in, to avoid judgment, or to escape the unbearable idea that you’re somehow not ‘enough’.

Here’s the cruel irony: everyone living in the house that shame built ends up holding back and hestitating in the same way:

Their avoidance of realness leads them to follow the same patterns of hiding, fear, and control freakery – they become frozen, paralysed by the thought of stepping out of their comfort zone and letting their true selves be ‘seen’ (despite this being what they truly want deep down inside themselves).

Frozen by Fear

Shame thrives on F.E.A.R – it creates a web of “false evidence appearing real” that convinces you to stay small. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being perfect – these are the weapons shame uses to keep you trapped behind an idea of yourself instead of an experience of the real thing.

But what are we really afraid of?

At its core, it’s the fear of returning home to ourselves and connecting to something whole instead of just the fragments that shame has asked us to identify with (for a sense of false security).

Deep down, we know that breaking free from shame requires us to confront the parts of ourselves we’ve avoided for so long. It means letting go of the comfort of the unreal and stepping into the discomfort of authenticity and returning back to REALNESS.

This fear freezes us – we become stuck in ego-driven behaviours:

Control freakery: Trying to micromanage life to avoid uncertainty (which always triggers shame if we don’t know how to fill the Void with wholeness instead of fear).
Comparison: Measuring ourselves against others instead of focusing on our own real gifts and realising that in truth their is no way to compare (because what’s REAL is beyond comparison).
Negativity: Resenting others who seem freer or more authentic (because we’re projecting our own UNREALITY onto them).
Doubt: Constantly questioning our worth and abilities (because shame makes us externalise our self-acceptance instead of just embracing it and being rooted in something TRUE – shame, ultimately, is just a disconnection from TRUTH).

It’s exhausting, isn’t it? But here’s the ‘good’ news: shame can only hold you back for as long as you let it.

The Thaw: Taking Real Action

The antidote to shame is simple but not easy: real action (book a call with me to start taking it).

To break free from the house that shame built, you have to thaw yourself out, step by step, and re-engage with life.

Real action is about moving toward what’s true for you, even if it scares you. It’s about facing the discomfort of uncertainty, of making mistakes, of being ‘seen’ as you truly are. But every step you take in this direction chips away at the walls of shame and brings you closer to your realness – instead of being shame-driven, you can become shame-dissolving and then totally free.

Here are some ways to start thawing out:

Embrace Vulnerability
Shame feeds on secrecy and silence. The more you hide, the stronger it becomes. But when you share your truth – your fears, your struggles, your dreams – you strip shame of its power. Vulnerability is an act of courage and it’s also the key to connection with others and modelling healthy and REAL relationships with yourself, the world, and reality itself.
Stop Judging Yourself
Judgement is the opposite of acceptance and you can only accept the TRUTH (the opposite of shame). Every time you judge yourself, you reinforce the belief that you’re not enough – instead, practise self-compassion. Acknowledge your flaws without letting them define you and see yourself as being ‘real’ which is always beyond judgements of ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Embrace all parts of yourself and the EGO that shame created for you has to change form and free you to move with life instead of against it.
Own Your Choices
Shame loves to keep you in a state of passivity, waiting for permission or external validation. Real action means taking responsibility for your life. What do you want? What steps can you take today to move closer to it? Create a vision, break it down into goals, and create the habits that will take you there. Check out my free 7-day course with 158-page workbook to get started.
Challenge Unreal Beliefs
The house that shame built is full of lies. Start identifying the stories you’ve been telling yourself—“I’m not talented enough”, “People will judge me”, “I don’t deserve this” -and challenge them. Are they really true, or are they just the voice of shame trying to keep you small? Many of your thoughts are unreal (if you’re stuck) and a reaction to your shame rather than anything real – if you train yourself to catch unreal thoughts and switch focus to something REAL you’ll change your life (check out the free thought log on this site which is designed to help with this).
Reconnect with Your Purpose
Realness shines brightest when it’s aligned with purpose. What makes you come alive? What do you feel called to contribute to the world? Start taking small steps toward this vision, even if it feels daunting. Figure out your values and try to make your values valuable to others through action – day-after-day, you’ll take another step into wholeness and the fragments of shame will dissipate.

The Glow of Realness

When you thaw out and start taking real action, something incredible happens: you get your glow back.

Realness has a magnetic quality. It’s not about perfection or having it all figured out; it’s about being unapologetically yourself and living your REAL life. When you step into your own light, you give others permission to do the same – your uniqueness becomes your strength, and you stop comparing yourself to others because you realise that no one else can shine in the way you do (and you accept them because you can’t shine like they do).

Contrast this with the unreal ones, still trapped in the house that shame built:

Their sameness isn’t a coincidence – it’s a product of their disconnection from the TRUTH about themselves and life. When you’re hiding behind shame, you can only mimic the patterns of others – but when you’re real, you create something entirely your own by just allowing what’s true to express itself through you and not BLOCKING it with the EGO that only exists because you got shamed somewhere down the line.

From Stuck to Flow

One of the biggest shifts that comes with breaking free from shame is the transition from being stuck to being in flow.

Shame creates stasis. It keeps you frozen, unable to move forward because you’re too afraid of what might happen. Realness, on the other hand, allows you to embrace flux – the natural state of life. When you’re real, you stop forcing life and start flowing with it, and – in this state of flow – you become adaptable. Challenges don’t paralyse you; they become opportunities to learn and grow. You stop clinging to outdated identities and allow yourself to evolve.

Life becomes less about control and more about creativity and TRUTH.

The Power of Letting Go

Ultimately, breaking free from shame is about letting go:

Letting go of the need to be perfect.
Letting go of the fear of being judged.
Letting go of the stories that have kept you small.

When you let go, you make space for something new: your real self. And when you’re real, you shine in a way that no one else can.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself: How is shame holding me back? Fear? Unreal expectations? Something else?

When you’ve figured out your answer, take one small step toward realness. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it.

Stay Real

The bottom line is simple: the world doesn’t need more unreal people hiding behind the same darkness – it needs more real ones, shining in their own light and bringing some of that light to an increasingly dark world.

When you step into your realness, you inspire others to do the same; you become a beacon of what’s possible – a reminder that life is meant to be lived fully, not from behind the walls of shame.

Stay real out there,

Build Flow: The Power of Moving with Life

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Personal Revolutions/Coaching/Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology

The only constant in life is change but we can use it to build flow and grow REAL.

Nothing is static in human experience. Everything flows.

At first glance, this truth may seem unsettling. After all, so much of our lives are spent seeking stability – a steady job, a permanent home, fixed relationships, a firm sense of self…but the fact is that the world, and everything in it, is in a constant state of flux (even if reality itself is WHOLE and therefore remains absolute in truth).

From the mightiest mountains to the smallest cells in your body, everything is in motion: change isn’t just inevitable; it’s the very fabric of existence.

Resisting this truth doesn’t preserve stability – it creates suffering:

When we cling to the illusion of stasis, we find ourselves stuck, forcing life to fit a shape it simply cannot hold but – when we embrace flux – we open ourselves to the flow of life, discovering not only freedom but also the potential for growth, transformation, and REAL living.

The Fragility of Permanence

Take a moment to look around you:

The walls of the room you’re sitting in may seem solid, immovable, unchanging. Yet, over time, they’ll crumble – the bricks will erode, the paint will peel, and what seems permanent now will eventually be dust. The same is true for the people in your life: they’re constantly evolving towards wholeness – mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Even the grandest structures of the Earth – towering mountains, vast forests, endless oceans – are slowly shifting and changing with the passage of time. It’s just the way it goes so we might as well go with it instead of trying to cling to static ideas and interpretations about things that we picked up somewhere in the past.

When we look at the world around us at face value, caught up in our minds and emotions, things can appear to be permanent or lasting… after all, our lives are but a blink in the vast expanse of time.

But permanence is an illusion. Nothing in the phenomenal world remains fixed.

This realisation can feel uncomfortable because we’re wired to crave certainty and in many ways our identity (ego) depends on it. We want to know who we are, where we’re going, and what tomorrow will bring. But treating life as though it’s static – clinging to the notion that things should remain as they are – sets us up for conflict. It forces us into a battle with reality – one we’re destined to lose.

The Problem with Stasis

Why do we cling to stasis? Because it feels safe and comfortable. The ego – the mental construct we identify with as “Me” – craves predictability and consistency; it builds a self-image based on fixed roles, beliefs, and patterns:

“I am this kind of person.” “I believe in these ideas.” “My life should look like this.”

These narratives give us a sense of control, a comforting illusion that we understand the world and our place in it…they also allow us to resist and distort our underlying emotional ‘stuff’ and the shame, guilt, and/or trauma that makes us want to avoid reality and choose ego in the first place.

But reality doesn’t care about our narratives:

It flows, shifts, and transforms, regardless of our attempts to hold it still and – when we cling to stasis – we create tension.

Think of it like trying to stop the flow of a mighty river; you can dam it, block it, or try to divert its course, but the water will eventually find a way to flow.

Similarly, when we resist the natural flux of life, we create blockages – internally and externally. These blockages manifest as frustration, anxiety, and a sense of being stuck. The longer we resist, the more ‘stuck’ we get, and the more likely we are to become miserable and depressed.

When we force life to fit a static mould, we cut ourselves off from its natural rhythms – instead of growing and adapting, we stagnate; instead of flowing with the current, we exhaust ourselves swimming upstream.

If we want to find our REAL life and the energy that comes with it, then our best strategy is to just LET GO.

The Freedom of Flux

So what if we let go of the illusion of stasis and embraced the fluidity of life?

To do this, we must first recognise the flux in ourselves…

You are not the same person you were a year ago – or even yesterday. Every experience, every conversation, every fleeting moment leaves its mark. You are a process, not a product. A journey, not a destination.

This is a liberating truth and will always lead to REALNESS (because that’s the only place things can lead to). When you embrace your fluidity, you free yourself from the need to cling to outdated roles, beliefs, or self-images. You realise that who you are today doesn’t have to define who you’ll be tomorrow. You’re allowed to change your mind, to evolve, and GROW REAL.

Shedding the Skin of Stasis

To truly flow with life, you must be willing to shed your skin. This means letting go of what no longer serves you because you have learned that it’s UNREAL – whether it’s an old belief, a stagnant relationship, or a self-image you’ve outgrown.

Letting go can be difficult. The ego clings to familiarity – even when it causes suffering – but holding on only keeps you stuck. Think of a snake that refuses to shed its skin. It becomes trapped, unable to grow, suffocated by its own resistance to change.

The same is true for us. When we refuse to let go, we stifle our growth. But when we embrace flux, we create space for new possibilities. We allow ourselves to be reshaped by life, to learn, to adapt, to become.

The Art of Building Flow

Living in alignment with flux requires a shift in mindset – here are some principles to guide you:

Recognise the Illusion of Stasis
Understand that nothing is truly permanent in our human experience (only the truth itself which we are constantly moving towards a deeper understanding of) The sooner you accept this, the less you’ll suffer when things inevitably change and you have to let go of the unreal and move towards the real.
Observe Without Clinging
Practice observing life and experience – your thoughts, emotions, circumstances – without attaching to them. When you see something as a passing wave rather than a fixed reality, you can engage with it more freely. Always remember that experience is just experience – it only becomes a problem when you cling to it (or your ideas about it).
Be Willing to Adapt
Like water flowing around rocks, learn to adapt to life’s changes. Flexibility is not weakness; it’s a sign of strength and resilience. It takes strength to let go but the more you let go, the stronger you get.
Let Go with Grace
Whether it’s a role, a relationship, or an identity, recognise when it’s time to let go. Holding on too tightly only creates tension and this tension creates friction in your life. On a long enough timeline firction turns to frustration and frustration leads to misery. Happiness is often found in letting go and moving with life as it moves through us.
Embrace Growth
Literally each and every phase of your life offers an opportunity to grow. Whether you’re the novice or the teacher, the confident or the uncertain, lean into the lessons life is offering you. This allows you to keep: 1) Uncovering the Truth, 2) Living the Truth – and, the more you do that, the more REAL life will get.

The Dance of Masks

Throughout your life, you’ll wear many masks. Today, you might be the student, absorbing knowledge and experience. Tomorrow, you might step into the role of teacher, sharing what you’ve learned. One day, you might feel certain and secure; the next, you might feel lost and unsure.

These shifts aren’t failures – they’re part of the dance of life. Each mask serves a purpose for a time, but none of them defines you. When you cling to a mask, you limit yourself. But when you wear it lightly, knowing you can change it when the time comes, you free yourself to fully inhabit the present moment.

Stasis vs. Flow: The Choice We Face

When we cling to stasis, we FORCE life and nothing forced can ever be real:

We try to control outcomes, fit ourselves into predefined roles, and resist the natural ebb-and-flow of existence. This leads to frustration, exhaustion, and a sense of being stuck in the Void because we end up being disconnected from who we really are and what life really is.

But when we embrace flux, we FLOW:

We align ourselves with the rhythms of life, moving with its currents rather than against them. This doesn’t mean we’re passive. On the contrary, flowing with life requires AWARENESS, the courage to ACCEPT life, and a willingness to engage with change by taking ACTION.

(Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – it works every time! Book a call if you’re interested in coaching).

Embracing the Fullness of Life

Flux is not something to fear – it’s something to celebrate. It’s the source of growth, transformation, and possibility. When you accept the fluid nature of life, you free yourself from the need to cling, to control, to resist.

You stop fighting the river and start swimming with it – you discover that life, in all its unpredictability and impermanence is beautiful and you realise that by flowing with it, you become more REAL- not fixed or rigid, but authentic, alive, and fully present.

In this state, you’re no longer stuck – in fact, it’s impossible to be stuck. You’re no longer forcing life; you’re growing, adapting, and experiencing all that life has to offer. You’re moving with the natural flow of your own existence towards wholeness and embracing its fluidity with grace and acceptance.

That’s what makes you REAL.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twelve in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Self-Acceptance Means Loving Yourself and Others

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Life Philosophy/Mindset/Psychology/Relationships

Self-acceptance isn’t just about yourself: it’s about embracing that what’s real in you is real in everybody else too.

Self-acceptance is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot in conversations about personal growth and mental well-being. But what does it really mean? Is it about looking in the mirror and repeating mantras until you can convince yourself you’re ‘enough’? Or is it something deeper, more profound, and ultimately more transformative?

Here’s a point that can change your life forever if you really grasp it: self-acceptance is the recognition that acceptance and love are the same thing.

When you truly learn to love something, you accept it as it is – its past, its present, and even its uncertain future. There’s no judgement, no attachment to fleeting interpretations or desires, and no clinging to emotional baggage.

This kind of acceptance is unconditional and it’s the foundation of self-love and love for others (and you can’t have one without the other because when we accept the TRUTH about ourselves we have to accept the truth about others too).

Love Without Conditions

When we think of love, we often picture something warm and affirming. But true love – whether for yourself, others, or the world – isn’t always about ‘liking’ everything you see. It’s about accepting what is real, even when it challenges your preferences and goes beyond your ideas of what’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

Here’s another point to remember:

Our standards for liking or disliking are always based on fragments, not the WHOLE of what somebody or something is (including ourselves).

They’re shaped by fleeting emotions, personal biases, or societal expectations but – when you shift your perception from fragmented pieces to the whole – you begin to see things differently.

Acceptance means recognising that what’s real exists beyond these fragments. It just is. The question then becomes not whether you like or dislike it but whether you’re willing to work with it.

If you apply this to yourself it will change your relationship with yourself for other; if you apply it to others it will change your relationship with them.

Self-Acceptance Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Cultivating unconditional self-acceptance doesn’t mean you settle for who you are today without aspiring to grow. It means embracing your current self – flaws, potential, and everything in between – while recognising your capacity to make choices and progress towards deeper REALNESS.

This kind of progress isn’t about chasing an ideal or reaching some imagined state of ‘perfection – it’s about peeling back the layers of illusion and uncovering the truth. With every step, you align more deeply with an acceptance of reality in truth, and in doing so, you align with love (because love is truth is wholeness).

The Ripple Effect of Self-Acceptance

Here’s a truth that’s often overlooked: when you truly accept yourself, you naturally extend that acceptance to others. In fact, we can go so far as to say that you can’t accept others until you accept yourself.

Why? Because self-acceptance isn’t an isolated act; it’s a process of embracing reality as it is, and reality doesn’t just apply to you – it’s universal (though people often confuse their interpretations of reality for the real thing).

The fundamental truths you uncover about yourself as you cultivate acceptance are the same truths that apply to everyone else.

If you refuse to judge yourself, you’ll find it difficult – if not impossible – to judge others. Judgement is the antithesis of love and acceptance (because it always takes us away from the wholeness of what is and into those fragmented ideas of ‘good’ and ‘bad’), and once you let go of it for yourself, it has no place in your relationships with others or with your relationship with life.

This doesn’t mean you’ll always agree with everyone or condone every action. Acceptance isn’t about abandoning discernment; it’s about seeing others as whole, complex beings navigating their own journey, just as you are and letting them be where they are and go where they’re going (and not blocking the path with your judgements and projections).

Beyond the Ego

Many of us start the journey of self-acceptance with a focus on ourselves. We want to feel good, to silence the inner critic, to find peace within. But if we stop there, we’re still operating within the ego’s framework of separation.

True self-acceptance dissolves the illusion of separation because it reveals the interconnectedness of all things. When you understand that what’s real about you is also real about others, self-love naturally becomes love for others.

This is the power of interdependence. To truly love yourself, you must love others by extension. Anything less is a distortion – a resistance to reality.

Embracing Reality

If acceptance and love are the same thing, then the practice of self-acceptance is, at its heart, a practice of embracing reality.

This can be a difficult pill to swallow because reality doesn’t always align with our expectations, desires, or plans but resisting reality only creates suffering. Acceptance, on the other hand, is liberating. It allows you to work with what is, rather than struggling against it and to go with the FLOW of life instead of forcing things.

Really, it’s all pretty simple:

When you accept reality, you stop judging it. And when you stop judging reality, you stop judging yourself and others. This is where true freedom lies.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance isn’t something you achieve overnight; it’s a practice – a series of small, intentional steps that lead you closer to unconditional love for yourself by undoing your conditioning and learning to mastering your relationship with yourself.

Acknowledge What Is
Start by observing yourself without judgement. Notice your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Instead of labelling whatever is going on inside or outside of you as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, simply recognise them as part of your experience.
Challenge Fragmented Thinking
Whenever you catch yourself fixating on a single aspect of yourself or others – whether it’s a flaw, a mistake, or even a strength – pause. Remind yourself that this is just one fragment of the whole…if you find yourself LABELLING others then you’re projecting the belief that you can also be labelled and encapsulated in this fragmented way (which is impossible).
Let Go of Judgement
Judgement often arises from unmet expectations or unresolved emotions (almost always shame, guilt and/or trauma and whatever stems from this) Practice letting go by focusing on the present moment and accepting it as it is: meditate, journal, get in your body (do yoga), breathe anything that gets you out of your head and into real life.
Extend Compassion to Others
When you find yourself judging someone else, take a moment to reflect on their humanity. Recognise that they, like you, are navigating their own challenges and seeking wholeness. Something that’s really helped me is the mantra that “Everybody is f*cked up but love them anyway (including ourselves)”.. I made a video about it (see below).
Embrace Progress Over Perfection
Celebrate your growth, no matter how small. Each step you take towards uncovering the truth and living it is a victory of the inner battle we all have between the EGO that makes us judge ourselves and others and the REALNESS of ourselves in truth.

The Beauty of Interdependence

The journey of self-acceptance leads to a profound realisation: you are not separate from the world around you or the reality in which life takes place (the world is not reality – just our collective ideas about it). Your experiences, your growth, and your love are all part of a larger, interconnected whole – you either accept it or you don’t.

When you truly accept yourself, you contribute to a world where acceptance and REALNESS can flourish – it isn’t just about personal well-being; it’s about collective growth towards wholeness instead of collective destruction and fragmentation.

Imagine a world where people saw each other not as competitors or adversaries but as fellow travellers on the path to wholeness…Well, that’s how it actually is in truth. All we need to do is accept it by seeing ourselves this way and then giving others the space and time to walk the same path.

Final Thoughts

Self-acceptance means loving yourself and others, not as separate acts but as one flowing process. To accept yourself unconditionally is to embrace reality unconditionally – and reality is universal (no matter what they tell you).

When you let go of judgement, when you release the illusion of separation, you step into the power of interdependence…you realise that love is not something you give or receive; it’s something you are.

And in that realisation, you find the freedom to be yourself, to grow, and to create a life rooted in truth.

After all, what’s real is always real – for you, for me, and for all of us.

When you embrace that, the rest kinda falls into place.

Stay real out there,

Psychology

Finding a REAL Balance of Your Natural Energy

What Are the Divine Masculine and Feminine?

SHAME: The Fear of Not ‘Enough’?

When Obsession Replaces Authenticity

The Role of Age and Conditioning

The Path Back to Balance: Yin, Yang, Shiva, and Shakti

Practical Steps to Reconnect with Your REAL Nature

Divine Masculine and Feminine in Real Life

The Bottom Line: Accept, Express, and TAKE REAL ACTION

When You Don’t Know What’s Going On, CHOOSE Something REAL

Projection: The Lens That Warps Reality

The Problem with Projections

The REALNESS Response: Fill in the Blanks Wisely

The Three-Step Process to Fill in the Blanks

What If You’re “Delusional”?

Their Behaviour Speaks About Them—Not You

Practical Exercises to Stay Real

Thank you!

The Bottom Line: Stay Real, Stay Free

Stop Complaining, Start Solving: Embracing a Solution-Focused Life

Everyone Has Problems – You’re Not Special

The Trap of Emotional Attachment to Problems

Why a Solution-Focused Worldview Works

Step 1: Accept the Reality of Problems

Step 2: Separate What You Can Control from What You Can’t

Step 3: Embrace and Process Your Emotions, But Don’t Stop There

Step 4: Take Action

Progress, Not Perfection

Life Is Unfair – Be Fair Anyway

The Takeaway: Problems Are Inevitable, Solutions are a RAL Choice

Humility isn’t about feeling ‘bad’ but about facing truth to feel ‘good’.

What Humility Really Means

Humility and Wholeness

Humility Without Shame

The Ego vs Humility

Practical Steps to Cultivate Humility

Humility in Action

Final Thoughts

Whose Frame Are You Living In?

What Is a Frame?

Unreality: The Trap of Living in Someone Else’s Frame

Reality vs Interpretation

Reclaiming Your Frame

Frames in Relationships

Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Frame and Get REAL

Flowing With Your Own Frame

Final Thoughts

All Paths Lead to the Same Place: THE FLOW of WHOLENESS

What is Flow?

Building Flow: A Universal Path

Guiding Others Into Flow

The Science of Flow and Wholeness

Lessons From Nature

Practical Steps to Build Flow

Flow as a Collective Journey

What can happen when your relationship with your mother gets messed up?

What Are Mummy Issues?

Symptoms of Mummy Issues

The Roots of Mummy Issues

Breaking Free: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action (It Works Every Time)

1. Awareness

2. Acceptance

3. Action

Moving Forward

REAL always shines in its own way but UNREAL is always clouded with the same darkness: SHAME.

Shame: The Architect of the Unreal Self (EGO)

Frozen by Fear

The Thaw: Taking Real Action

The Glow of Realness

From Stuck to Flow

The Power of Letting Go

Stay Real

The only constant in life is change but we can use it to build flow and grow REAL.

The Fragility of Permanence

The Problem with Stasis

The Freedom of Flux

Shedding the Skin of Stasis

The Art of Building Flow

The Dance of Masks