The Human Condition is the Same for All Us: Embrace it and Grow REAL
The modern world is obsessed with what makes us ‘DIFFERENT’ – whether it’s politics, culture, or the fixation with personal identity (which is really just EGO), we’ve become conditioned to focus on what separates us rather than what unites us.
Though recognising differences can help us learn and grow, it is in accepting the similarities that we find something far more valuable: connection, understanding, and ultimately, the REALNESS of ourselves and others.
The Ego, by its very nature as a fragmented filter between ourselves and real life, thrives on separation – it wants to carve out a distinct identity, to be unique, to be ‘right’ in contrast to others being constantly ‘wrong’ (so that we can try and hide from the underlying SHAME that created the ego in the first place); it thrives on the illusions of control and certainty, constructing walls between us and the world in an effort to maintain a sense of ‘safety’.
This ‘safety’ is a trap, though – it keeps us fragmented, isolated, and ultimately detached from the flow of real life because it locks us inside ourselves behind a web of judgement that gets projected out into the world as a kind of matrix that keeps us imprisoned.
If we want to live our REAL lives, we need to shift our focus from the unreal to the real:
Instead of constantly searching for differences, we need to uncover the deeper similarities that bind us all together. Because – at the end of the day – we all share the same fundamental experience of being human and humans gonna human.
When we see this clearly, we move towards wholeness, and things get way more REAL.
Let’s dig deeper:
The Ego’s Need to Divide
To protect our egos, we instinctively separate ourselves from the world and trick ourselves into believing that we’re isolated and independent from it in some way (when the truth is that everything is INTERDEPENDENT).
We look at others and think about how different they are to us because of how they look or because of what they like or dislike; we think about how they could never understand us because we’re so ‘unique’ or ‘specia’; we think about how others are the problem but we’re the solution because we’re ‘right’ and their different opinions and ideas are ‘wrong’.
This mindset is so deeply ingrained in us that we barely notice it but it’s not REAL – it’s just an unreal FILTER designed to protect us…but protect us from what exactly?
At its core, this obsesson with focusing on what’s so ‘different’ is a defence mechanism. It shields us from the discomfort of confronting our own unresolved F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”), insecurities, and – most commonly – SHAME (the belief that there’s something ‘wrong’ with us or that we’re not good ‘enough’). It also allows us to believe that the world is simple, divided into neat little dualistic categories of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘us’ and ‘them’, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ but, again, this is just CONTROL FREAKERY designed to keep our shame at bay.
The short-version is that this perspective is a DISTORTION because reality is not fragmented; it is interconnected – we are all ‘part’ of the same whole, whether we acknowledge it or not. And when we refuse to see the similarities between ourselves and others, we only succeed in cutting ourselves off from deeper understanding, growth, and real connection.

The Illusion of Separation
Focusing too much on ‘difference’ isolates us, not only from others, but from ourselves – it encourages a defensive mindset, where we see every challenge, every disagreement, as a threat to our identity (ego).
We end up in endless cycles of argument, judgment, and debate – trapped in a mental loop that leads nowhere (if you think this describes what’s going on in the modern world, then you’re right – so many people are obsessed with ‘identity’ and it always leads to the same place: ego and pointless arguments).
The TRUTH is that, in reality, we are never truly separate:
We are interdependent, connected in ways we often fail to recognise – our emotions, ideas, and actions ripple out and influence those around us, just as we are influenced by the people and environments we engage with.
Everything feeds off of everything else and then back into it too.
When we focus only on difference, we deny this fundamental truth and end up creating artificial barriers that prevent real intimacy, real collaboration, and real growth. In doing so, we deprive ourselves of the richness that life has to offer and from the realness that is our birthright.
The Power of Similarity
If we accept that fulfilment comes from continual growth and connection – i.e. WHOLENESS instead of fragmentation – then the shift from focusing on difference to focusing on similarity is essential.
- The first step to empathy is recognising that we all experience pain, struggle, and uncertainty. The details may differ, but the core emotional experience is the same.
- The first step to forgiveness is understanding that we are all flawed, all capable of making mistakes. None of us are above error.
- The first step to real growth is being open to learning from perspectives outside our current mental framework, rather than rejecting them outright.
The first step to empathy and compassion is realising the similarities between yourself and those that are suffering; the first step to forgiveness is realising that we’re all human and that we all share the same capacity for fallibility and foible; the first step to real growth is to recognise the value of things that are outside your current mental frameworks so that you can grow into them.
-Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
We all share something fundamental – you call it “humanity”, “soul,” or even “evolutionary impulse” depending on your beliefs (though these are just an interpretation of the SAME reality we all share).
Whatever name we give it – I call it REALNESS – it’s the same essence. We are all living, breathing, striving, and trying to make sense of it all.
When we embrace this, we uncover something deeper: the TRUTH.
The Ego as a Barrier to Truth
The Ego is the greatest obstacle to true understanding because it keeps us locked inside a narrow perception of ourselves, the world, and reality. It resists change, clings to identity, and fights anything that threatens the carefully constructed illusion of separateness.
If we can loosen our grip on these false distinctions, we open ourselves to something far greater and start to see the world as it really is – fluid, interconnected, and constantly evolving into a deeper state of wholenes sand connection.
This doesn’t just apply to external relationships, btw; it’s also about how we engage with ideas, experiences, and even our own beliefs:
If we refuse to attach ourselves too rigidly to any particular viewpoint, we free ourselves from the exhausting need to constantly defend and justify outdated perspectives that only exist because of who we think we used to be, not who we actually are. Instead, we allow ourselves to grow, to change, and to become more in tune with reality.
Finding Unity in Diversity
None of this means we should ignore differences entirely. Differences can be incredibly valuable -challenging us, broadening our understanding, and pushing us to grow. Saying that, if we make differences the most important thing about us then the world will always be in a state of conflict because everybody will be defending the identities (ego) that they’ve created for themselves to uphold this ‘difference’ and keep shame at bay (though it’s only really buried in the Shadow Territory).
The healthiest, most productive, and REAL way to engage with the world is to seek common ground first and build on something solid (i.e. something true). Once we recognise our shared humanity, we can then explore differences in a way that is constructive rather than divisive and leads to political and power games.
Instead of demonising or dismissing those with different perspectives, we can approach them with curiosity (because we don’t need to be threatened by them); instead of retreating into defensiveness, we can engage in real dialogue; instead of clinging to outdated beliefs, we can allow ourselves to be transformed by new insights.
We don’t have to agree on everything to build something real but we do have to start from a place of understanding and the only thing ‘worth’ understanding is the TRUTH.
Practical Steps to Shift Your Focus
Making this shift in mindset isn’t just theoretical – it requires practice (especially in a culture that’s fixated with identity).
Here are some steps to help you integrate this approach into your daily life:
- Look for the human behind the difference – Next time you find yourself judging someone based on their views, background, or behaviour, pause and ask: “What do we have in common?” You’ll be surprised at how often the answer is “a lot”. Start with that.
- Challenge your own assumptions – If you find yourself rejecting an idea or perspective outright, take a step back. Ask yourself: “Am I resisting this because it’s genuinely wrong, or because it challenges my identity?” Again, you might be surprised because 90% (random number I chose to make a point) of our beliefs are just scaffolding for an insecure identity).
- Engage in real conversations – Instead of debating just to prove a point, seek to understand. Ask questions. Be curious. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to listen. This is how you learn so you can go deeper into REALNESS and not just reinforce your fragmentation.
- See conflict as an opportunity – Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, lean into them. View them as a chance to learn, not as a battle to win. Insight will always set you free of old patterns and programming.
- Practice gratitude for shared experience – Each day, take a moment to reflect on the ways you’re connected to the people around you. Recognise the shared struggles, joys, and uncertainties that unite us all. It sounds cheesy but the human condition is the same for all of us – it’s just the scenery that’s different. We’re all going through ‘it’.
- Detach from rigid identity – Remind yourself that you are always evolving. Your current beliefs are not set in stone. Be open to change and realise that there’s a difference between who YOU are and who you think you are.
Moving Towards Wholeness
REAL life isn’t about drawing lines between ourselves and others – it’s about recognising that we’re all part of the same whole. The more we embrace this, the more real we become.
Focusing on similarity doesn’t mean ignoring differences – it means seeing beyond them whilst still respecting what’s real about people that you don’t ‘agree’ with (because of your own ego ‘stuff’). It means recognising that, at our core, we are all the same: seeking meaning, connection, and truth and trying to make the most of all of ‘this’…whatever it is.
The choice is always there:
You can either cling to the illusion of fragmentation or step into the realness of wholeness.
Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twenty three in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness