Personal Revolutions

Humans Gonna Human: The Power of Similarity Over Difference

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The Human Condition is the Same for All Us: Embrace it and Grow REAL

The modern world is obsessed with what makes us ‘DIFFERENT’ – whether it’s politics, culture, or the fixation with personal identity (which is really just EGO), we’ve become conditioned to focus on what separates us rather than what unites us.

Though recognising differences can help us learn and grow, it is in accepting the similarities that we find something far more valuable: connection, understanding, and ultimately, the REALNESS of ourselves and others.

The Ego, by its very nature as a fragmented filter between ourselves and real life, thrives on separation – it wants to carve out a distinct identity, to be unique, to be ‘right’ in contrast to others being constantly ‘wrong’ (so that we can try and hide from the underlying SHAME that created the ego in the first place); it thrives on the illusions of control and certainty, constructing walls between us and the world in an effort to maintain a sense of ‘safety’.

This ‘safety’ is a trap, though – it keeps us fragmented, isolated, and ultimately detached from the flow of real life because it locks us inside ourselves behind a web of judgement that gets projected out into the world as a kind of matrix that keeps us imprisoned.

If we want to live our REAL lives, we need to shift our focus from the unreal to the real:

Instead of constantly searching for differences, we need to uncover the deeper similarities that bind us all together. Because – at the end of the day – we all share the same fundamental experience of being human and humans gonna human.

When we see this clearly, we move towards wholeness, and things get way more REAL.

Let’s dig deeper:

The Ego’s Need to Divide

To protect our egos, we instinctively separate ourselves from the world and trick ourselves into believing that we’re isolated and independent from it in some way (when the truth is that everything is INTERDEPENDENT).

We look at others and think about how different they are to us because of how they look or because of what they like or dislike; we think about how they could never understand us because we’re so ‘unique’ or ‘specia’; we think about how others are the problem but we’re the solution because we’re ‘right’ and their different opinions and ideas are ‘wrong’.

This mindset is so deeply ingrained in us that we barely notice it but it’s not REAL – it’s just an unreal FILTER designed to protect us…but protect us from what exactly?

At its core, this obsesson with focusing on what’s so ‘different’ is a defence mechanism. It shields us from the discomfort of confronting our own unresolved F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”), insecurities, and – most commonly – SHAME (the belief that there’s something ‘wrong’ with us or that we’re not good ‘enough’). It also allows us to believe that the world is simple, divided into neat little dualistic categories of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘us’ and ‘them’, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ but, again, this is just CONTROL FREAKERY designed to keep our shame at bay.

The short-version is that this perspective is a DISTORTION because reality is not fragmented; it is interconnected – we are all ‘part’ of the same whole, whether we acknowledge it or not. And when we refuse to see the similarities between ourselves and others, we only succeed in cutting ourselves off from deeper understanding, growth, and real connection.

The Illusion of Separation

Focusing too much on ‘difference’ isolates us, not only from others, but from ourselves – it encourages a defensive mindset, where we see every challenge, every disagreement, as a threat to our identity (ego).

We end up in endless cycles of argument, judgment, and debate – trapped in a mental loop that leads nowhere (if you think this describes what’s going on in the modern world, then you’re right – so many people are obsessed with ‘identity’ and it always leads to the same place: ego and pointless arguments).

The TRUTH is that, in reality, we are never truly separate:

We are interdependent, connected in ways we often fail to recognise – our emotions, ideas, and actions ripple out and influence those around us, just as we are influenced by the people and environments we engage with.

Everything feeds off of everything else and then back into it too.

When we focus only on difference, we deny this fundamental truth and end up creating artificial barriers that prevent real intimacy, real collaboration, and real growth. In doing so, we deprive ourselves of the richness that life has to offer and from the realness that is our birthright.

The Power of Similarity

If we accept that fulfilment comes from continual growth and connection – i.e. WHOLENESS instead of fragmentation – then the shift from focusing on difference to focusing on similarity is essential.

  • The first step to empathy is recognising that we all experience pain, struggle, and uncertainty. The details may differ, but the core emotional experience is the same.
  • The first step to forgiveness is understanding that we are all flawed, all capable of making mistakes. None of us are above error.
  • The first step to real growth is being open to learning from perspectives outside our current mental framework, rather than rejecting them outright.

The first step to empathy and compassion is realising the similarities between yourself and those that are suffering; the first step to forgiveness is realising that we’re all human and that we all share the same capacity for fallibility and foible; the first step to real growth is to recognise the value of things that are outside your current mental frameworks so that you can grow into them.
-Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

We all share something fundamental – you call it “humanity”, “soul,” or even “evolutionary impulse” depending on your beliefs (though these are just an interpretation of the SAME reality we all share).

Whatever name we give it – I call it REALNESS – it’s the same essence. We are all living, breathing, striving, and trying to make sense of it all.

When we embrace this, we uncover something deeper: the TRUTH.

The Ego as a Barrier to Truth

The Ego is the greatest obstacle to true understanding because it keeps us locked inside a narrow perception of ourselves, the world, and reality. It resists change, clings to identity, and fights anything that threatens the carefully constructed illusion of separateness.

If we can loosen our grip on these false distinctions, we open ourselves to something far greater and start to see the world as it really is – fluid, interconnected, and constantly evolving into a deeper state of wholenes sand connection.

This doesn’t just apply to external relationships, btw; it’s also about how we engage with ideas, experiences, and even our own beliefs:

If we refuse to attach ourselves too rigidly to any particular viewpoint, we free ourselves from the exhausting need to constantly defend and justify outdated perspectives that only exist because of who we think we used to be, not who we actually are. Instead, we allow ourselves to grow, to change, and to become more in tune with reality.

Finding Unity in Diversity

None of this means we should ignore differences entirely. Differences can be incredibly valuable -challenging us, broadening our understanding, and pushing us to grow. Saying that, if we make differences the most important thing about us then the world will always be in a state of conflict because everybody will be defending the identities (ego) that they’ve created for themselves to uphold this ‘difference’ and keep shame at bay (though it’s only really buried in the Shadow Territory).

The healthiest, most productive, and REAL way to engage with the world is to seek common ground first and build on something solid (i.e. something true). Once we recognise our shared humanity, we can then explore differences in a way that is constructive rather than divisive and leads to political and power games.

Instead of demonising or dismissing those with different perspectives, we can approach them with curiosity (because we don’t need to be threatened by them); instead of retreating into defensiveness, we can engage in real dialogue; instead of clinging to outdated beliefs, we can allow ourselves to be transformed by new insights.

We don’t have to agree on everything to build something real but we do have to start from a place of understanding and the only thing ‘worth’ understanding is the TRUTH.

Practical Steps to Shift Your Focus

Making this shift in mindset isn’t just theoretical – it requires practice (especially in a culture that’s fixated with identity).

Here are some steps to help you integrate this approach into your daily life:

  1. Look for the human behind the difference – Next time you find yourself judging someone based on their views, background, or behaviour, pause and ask: “What do we have in common?” You’ll be surprised at how often the answer is “a lot”. Start with that.
  2. Challenge your own assumptions – If you find yourself rejecting an idea or perspective outright, take a step back. Ask yourself: “Am I resisting this because it’s genuinely wrong, or because it challenges my identity?” Again, you might be surprised because 90% (random number I chose to make a point) of our beliefs are just scaffolding for an insecure identity).
  3. Engage in real conversations – Instead of debating just to prove a point, seek to understand. Ask questions. Be curious. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to listen. This is how you learn so you can go deeper into REALNESS and not just reinforce your fragmentation.
  4. See conflict as an opportunity – Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, lean into them. View them as a chance to learn, not as a battle to win. Insight will always set you free of old patterns and programming.
  5. Practice gratitude for shared experience – Each day, take a moment to reflect on the ways you’re connected to the people around you. Recognise the shared struggles, joys, and uncertainties that unite us all. It sounds cheesy but the human condition is the same for all of us – it’s just the scenery that’s different. We’re all going through ‘it’.
  6. Detach from rigid identity – Remind yourself that you are always evolving. Your current beliefs are not set in stone. Be open to change and realise that there’s a difference between who YOU are and who you think you are.

Moving Towards Wholeness

REAL life isn’t about drawing lines between ourselves and others – it’s about recognising that we’re all part of the same whole. The more we embrace this, the more real we become.

Focusing on similarity doesn’t mean ignoring differences – it means seeing beyond them whilst still respecting what’s real about people that you don’t ‘agree’ with (because of your own ego ‘stuff’). It means recognising that, at our core, we are all the same: seeking meaning, connection, and truth and trying to make the most of all of ‘this’…whatever it is.

The choice is always there:

You can either cling to the illusion of fragmentation or step into the realness of wholeness.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twenty three in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

REAL LIFE VISION: Merging Past, Present, and Future

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REAL LIFE VISION, REAL LIFE GOALS, REAL LIFE HABITS: HOW TO BUILD YOUR FUTURE FROM THE GROUND UP

We all have an innate sense of who we could become – the strongest, most grounded, most REAL version of ourselves, standing just beyond the present moment, waiting for us to step forward, reach out, and lean in to it.

This ‘best version’ of us is not a fantasy; it is a potential reality, but only if we actively engage with the process of becoming – a process that’s unfolding right now and is affected by the CHOICES that we make from moment-to-moment.

This is a little challenging sometimes because we exist in the space between two forces:

One of these is who we are in our REALNESS, the version of us that moves with purpose, engages with life fully, and acts in alignment with truth. This version of us is WHOLE and is moving into deeper wholeness as we take more and more real action.

The other is who think we are because of EGO, the one that resists change, prioritises ease over growth, and clings to short-term gratification. This version of us is FRAGMENTED because of our underlying emotional ‘stuff’ – shame, mainly – that stops us accepting who we really are and what we want to be, think, feel, and do.

The tension between these two selves – the real and unreal – determines the direction of our lives.

One vital key to winning this internal battle is to create and commit to a REAL LIFE VISION:

The reason for this is that a real life vision for the future creates clarity, purpose, and momentum – it also allows us to merge the past, the present, and the future, aligning our decisions and actions in a way that fosters long-term transformation.

Let’s explore in a little more detail:

Integrating the Past, Present, and Future

Most people live in the fragmentation of EGO:

They are either trapped in their past, held back by unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ and associated patterns and limiting beliefs; lost in the present, reacting impulsively and chaotically without direction; or obsessed with the future, constantly striving but never truly engaging with life and becoming too anxious to take real action as a result.

To embody our realness, we need to integrate all three:

  • The past must be acknowledged and integrated which means learning that we are not bound by it, but we must learn from it. Every experience ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – holds lessons that, when embraced, become fuel for growth rather than chains that hold us back.
  • The present is where we take action. Every decision, every moment, is an opportunity to respond to reality rather than react blindly. When we stay grounded in the present while keeping our vision in mind, we create a dynamic balance between movement and mindfulness. This helps us to feel fully alive and to keep growing and evolving.
  • The future is our compass. A clear vision generates a healthy creative tension – a pull that moves us forward without disconnecting us from the moment. This tension is not stress; it is energy. When harnessed correctly, it creates a flow state where we are both fully engaged in the present and moving towards something greater and more real.

Short-Term vs Long-Term Thinking

A fragmented life is often a result of short-term thinking – making decisions based on immediate gratification rather than long-term impact. This is why so many people struggle to change.

Take weight loss as an example:

If you only see yourself through the lens of who you have been, because you think that’s “Just the way I am”, you will inevitably fall back into old habits because at the level of the unconscious you are programmed to be that ‘version’ of yourself…you will prioritise comfort over growth because your self-image is tethered to the past.

On the other hand, if you see yourself as someone who is becoming – someone actively shifting towards a healthier, stronger version of themselves – then your daily decisions will start to reflect that transformation and you’ll start to see actual results.

This is the difference between being stuck in the short-term (focusing on identity/ego) and thinking long-term (focusing on real life vision).

When you adopt long-term thinking, you no longer make decisions based on who you were or even who you are now alone (because ‘now’ isn’t the end of the line) – you make them based on who you are being and becoming.

Turning Your REAL Life Vision into REAL Life Goals and your REAL Life Goals into REAL Life Habits

A vision alone is not enough – many people have dreams, but without action, they remain fantasies. A real life vision must be translated into real life goals – tangible, structured, and actionable steps that create forward momentum.

1. Clarify Your REAL Life Vision

Your vision shouldn’t be vague or abstract – it needs to be detailed and specific so that you have clarity about what you’re doing (though your vision may change as you move forward and learn more about yourself, the world, and reality). It should also be an extension of your real VALUES so that you know it’s aligned with something that really matters to you – check out this article about values for more on that: Unlocking Your Core Values: A Guide to Living Your REAL Life:

Ask yourself:

  • What does my Realest Self look like?
  • How can I make my values valuable to others?
  • How do they act, think, and make decisions?
  • How do they feel?
  • What kind of work do they do?
  • How do they engage with their body, mind, and relationships?
  • What do they prioritise?

This is not about constructing an idealised version of yourself – it is about recognising and moving towards the person you are capable of being based on what you’ve already experience and what you want to experience in the future.

2. Set REAL Goals That Align with Your Vision

Once you’ve created a vision for where you’re headed, it’s time to start breaking it down into the GOALS that will make it happen. At this stage, you want to find REAL goals which means that they’re aligned with your vision but also excite and energise you on the way there.

A REAL Goal moves you towards your vision in a structured way.

It should be:

  • Specific – Vague intentions lead to vague results. Instead of saying, “I want to be healthier”, set a goal like, “I will train three times a week and improve my diet”.
  • Process-Oriented – Focus on actions, not just outcomes. Instead of fixating on a target weight, focus on building the habits that will get you there. More importantly, once you know the goal itself, shift your attention to the process so that you can stay present and actually enjoy making it happen.
  • Aligned with Your Long-Term Vision – If a goal does not move you towards your Realness, it is probably a distraction so get rid of it.

3. Create REAL Habits to Close the Gap

Goals set the direction, but habits determine whether or not you arrive where you want to go – every major transformation is built on the foundation of small, consistent actions over time.

When you have the right and real habits in place then you will be able to navigate cause-and-effect and make progress towards your goals (almost) daily.

With all of these habits you need to be focused, disciplined, and consistent.

Here’s some examples:

  • If your vision is to be physically strong, your habits need to reflect that = regular training, proper nutrition, and recovery.
  • If your vision is to be financially independent, your habits need to include disciplined spending, investing, and skill-building.
  • If your vision is to be emotionally resilient, your habits need to include self-reflection, boundary-setting, and mindfulness practices.

(All just examples but you get the point, hopefully).

Every habit is either moving you towards your vision and your realness or is reinforcing an old identity and patterns that no longer serve you.

This is why habits are so important: they give the power to make a CHOICE for the real ‘stuff’ and to keep compounding your results daily.

The Power of Process Over Event Thinking

One of the biggest mistakes people make is expecting one big event to change their lives – a moment of clarity, a lucky break, or an external shift in their fortunes. Real change doesn’t happen in a single moment, though – it happens through process.

  • You do not suddenly become fit – you build fitness through working the right process.
  • You do not suddenly become successful – you build success through working the right process.
  • You do not suddenly become real – you step into realness through working the right process.

Again, this all comes down to knowing where we’re headed and making the CHOICES that support that over time. Ultimately, it’s about choosing the EFFECT that we want (being fit/successful/real) and living as the CAUSE that makes it happen (instead of just hoping things happen, not having a vision, and getting lost in the short-term view we take of things).

The more we embrace the process, the more we merge past, present, and future – we learn from where we have been, act in the present, and move towards what we are becoming. This is how we BUILD FLOW and start to live our REAL lives.

Merging Time: Living as the Bridge Between Past, Present, and Future

A real human being is someone who understands how to balance these three dimensions of time:

  • They integrate their past rather than being controlled by it (which means they face the SHADOW SELF).
  • They respond to reality in the present rather than reacting impulsively (which means their EGO isn’t holding them back).
  • They move towards a real future rather than drifting aimlessly (which means they embody the purpose of their REALNESS and TRUST themselves and life).

This is why realness is a long-term project – it is built day by day, decision by decision. It is not about perfection – it is about moving towards a deeper sense of WHOLENESS instead of FRAGMENTATION (and we can always go deeper).

How to Implement This Today

Here’s some basics to help you start living with REAL life vision, REAL life goals, and REAL life habits:

  1. Write down your REAL Life Vision – Get clear on your values and the person you are becoming (don’t just have a to-do list but also a to-be list – e.g. more disciplined, creative, joyful etc.)
  2. Set three REAL Goals – Make them specific, actionable, and process-driven. Commit to REAL ACTION every day.
  3. Build one new habit that aligns with your vision and goals – Small steps compound into massive change over time. This is how you use the law of cause and effect.
  4. Practice self-awareness – Before making a decision, ask: Is this bringing me closer to my Realness? Am I choosing WHOLENESS or FRAGMENTATION?
  5. Let go of the past – Stop seeing yourself as who think you were; start seeing yourself as who you are becoming.

If you want to go really deep into this then check out my free 7-Day course (with 158-page PDF workbook): The 7-Day Personality Transplant System Shock for Realness and Life Purpose.

Final Thoughts: The Future is Unwritten, But You Are Writing It RIGHT NOW

You are not just being – you are becoming:

Every choice you make is either reinforcing your past self and ego or moving you closer to your future self and realness.

Are you making choices from a place of responsiveness or are you simply reacting to life?

The future is not something that ‘happens’ to you – it is something you help to shape through your actions in the present, guided by the lessons of the past.

Live as the bridge between where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twenty two in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Fate vs Destiny: Playing the Cards We’re Dealt

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You Can’t Change Your Fate but Your Destiny Can Be REAL or UNREAL – It’s Up to You

Sometimes, life throws us events so unbelievably against the odds that we can’t help but feel like something ‘bigger’ is at play (and, of course, it is because there’s always something bigger):

Maybe you bump into someone at just the ‘right’ moment, an opportunity appears when you need it most, or things unfold in a way that seems so perfectly orchestrated that it must have been meant to be. In these moments, we talk about fate – as though some unseen force is guiding us.

And sometimes, it is.

There’s something very real about synchronicity – those meaningful coincidences that seem to weave life together in ways we couldn’t have planned (or, as Carl Jung described them “an acausal connecting principle” when the ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ worlds collide).

When we’re in alignment, open to truth, and moving in the right and REALEST direction, things have a way of falling into place, or at least ‘nudging’ us to show us we’re on the right track. You’ve probably experienced this yourself at some time in your life?

That synchronicity is a real phenomenon in the human experience doesn’t necessarily mean life is always following a predetermined script, though.

A mistake we often make is assuming that everything that happens is fate, when in reality, many of the events we call “fated” are actually a result of the CHOICES we’ve made.

In other words:

Fate is what we’re given. Destiny is what we do with it.

Or, to put it another way, fate is the hand we’re dealt, but destiny is how we play our cards.

Let’s dig a little deeper:

Deal or No Deal: Understanding Fate

Fate is everything we don’t get to choose.

Where we’re born, our genetic makeup, the environment we’re raised in, etc. etc. etc. – these are the ‘cards’ reality deals us. Some of us might get a royal flush, others receive a mismatched mess; some are born into wealth and privilege; others start life with obstacles stacked against them. You don’t get to pick your family, your early experiences, or the time and place you enter the world. That’s fate.

And, because fate comes from REALITY, it doesn’t care whether you ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ your cards or not. It just is.

The thing that trips a lot of us up and leads to those “lives of quiet desperation” that Thoreau talked about is treating this as the end of the line:

When we assume that the hand they’ve been dealt determines the entire game, we can end up resigning themselves to a predetermined story of either success or struggle. If you believe fate dictates everything, you either get lucky, or you don’t. This is a passive and unreal way of looking at life – one that takes responsibility and the power of REAL CHOICE out of the equation and brings a whole truckload of self-limiting and world-limiting beliefs with it.

Luckily, that’s where DESTINY comes in.

The Play: Creating Destiny

Destiny is not written in the stars; it’s written in the choices we make.

No matter what cards you’re holding, you still get to decide how you play them:

Some people get dealt an amazing hand and squander it; others get dealt sh*t and turn it into a diamond. That’s because destiny is not about what happens to you – it’s about how you respond and the accumulation of all the choices you make over time.

This is where synchronicity kinda starts to make sense (not that it will ever make total ‘sense’ because it’s beyond the sensemaking tools in our brain):

When you start playing your cards right – by taking bold action, trusting yourself (“do your best”), trusting life (“accept the rest), and aligning with what’s REAL – you create the conditions for the right things to happen; you start seeing patterns, meeting the right people, and noticing opportunities that were always there, but hidden from view.

It feels like magic, but really, it’s the result of moving in harmony with reality and building with you fate on a foundation of acceptance rather than ego resistance or distortion.

The problem is, many people confuse this with ‘fate’:

They assume that just because something feels significant, it must have been predestined – but what if it’s the opposite? What if these moments of synchronicity aren’t fate leading us, but signs that we’ve stepped into our destiny?

Think about some of humanity’s classic ‘Rags to Riches’ stories – many of their protagonists didn’t start life with the best circumstances:

J.K. Rowling found herself as a struggling single mother (FATE), yet she became one of the richest authors of all time by making the CHOICE to sit and write in a coffee shop all day (DESTINY). Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison (FATE), yet emerged as a symbol of peace and leadership (DESTINY).

Their fate wasn’t kind, but their CHOICES shaped their destiny.

Compare that to someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth who coasts through life without ever pushing themselves:

They had the resources and the opportunities in the world, but they never made anything meaningful of them because they didn’t make the CHOICE. They had fate on their side, but they let their destiny slip away.

The world is full of people who have amazing potential but never use it and end up lost to the Void. Why? Because destiny requires courage, REAL action, and the willingness to step beyond the script that fate has handed you and create something new by believing in the choice for something different.

The Battle: Overcoming the Pull of Fate

There’s a reason most people stick to the path fate lays out for them: it’s easier in the SHORT-TERM because it requires less effort and personal growth.

Society, culture, family expectations – all of these things subtly (or not so subtly, depending on where fate has placed you) nudge us toward conformity. The world around us doesn’t want you to break the mould – it wants you to stay in your lane, to follow the script, to accept your circumstances and not question too much.

And if you do try to carve your own path? Expect resistance, especially when you’re surrounded by others who are avoiding their destiny because of ‘fate’ too.

Luckily for us, the world isn’t reality. It’s just a bunch of collective ideas and interpretations about what’s true and what’s not.

You can always CHOOSE reality instead and start to change the game for yourself:

Either way, the moment you decide to shape your own destiny, you’re going to come up against obstacles – internal and external. F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”), self-doubt, criticism from others, systems designed to keep people in their place… These are all forces of the EGO and old ways of identifying trying to pull you back to the predictable, the comfortable, the expected

Here’s the thing, though: every REAL life is built on defying that pull.

The people who make a choice to grow REAL – the ones who shape their own destiny – are the ones who refuse to be limited by their circumstances.

They see their fate, acknowledge it, and then decide: What can I build with this?

They accept what can’t be changed (FATE) and use it as a springboard into the real life that can be CHOSEN (DESTINY).

Knowing the difference between the two is where the real power lies.

Flow vs Force: Navigating Destiny with Awareness

There’s another important distinction to make here:

Creating your destiny doesn’t mean FORCING things to happen through sheer willpower – force is always of the Ego and because it’s unreal it never works.

Nor is force about blindly fighting against everything – in fact, the most powerful way to shape your destiny is to align yourself with reality by cultivating ACCEPTANCE instead of RESISTANCE.

Think of it like this:

You’re in a river. Fate is the current, always moving and shaping the landscape around you. Though you can’t stop the current or change the river itself, you can learn to navigate it.

You can learn to work with it instead of against it…but only if you accept it.

This is what we mean when we talk about flow:

When you make conscious choices based on deep self-awareness – when you act in alignment with who you really are in your realness instead of who the world wants you to be and the Ego you created in reaction to this – you start to experience a kind of natural movement toward your highest potential.

Things start falling into place. Opportunities arise. The right people show up. It’s weird but – if you TRUST and take the action to find out – you’ll see it’s inevitable.

This isn’t necessarily because of magic or anything ‘mystical’ but because – when you’re moving in the right direction – you start noticing the doors that were always there instead of blocking your view with your focus on resisting your FATE and causing friction, frustration, and misery in your life.

That’s the difference between trying to force life to go your way and actually playing your hand in a REAL WAY:

When you try forcing the door open, it closes; when you let go, you see that it was open all along.

How to Start Playing Your Cards Right

How do you move from being a passive player in the game of life to someone who shapes their own destiny?

Here are some things to work on:

1. Accept Your Hand Without Complaint

You didn’t choose your starting point, and there’s no point wishing things were different. Accept your circumstances fully – not as a victim, but as a strategist and a creator. Once you embrace what you have in your hands, then you’re ready to BUILD something with it.

2. Identify Where You Actually Have Power

Too many people waste time worrying about things outside their control. Instead, shift your focus to what you can change – your mindset, your actions, your habits. Small changes over time lead to BIG results – you just need to be consistent, focused, and disciplined and work the process.

3. Make Conscious Choices

Don’t sleepwalk through life. Every decision, no matter how small, is a chance to move closer to or further from the destiny you want and each moment you can make a choice between your REAL life and your unreal life. Start paying attention. Even the ‘little’ things like when you’re waiting for a train or something – are you gonna doom scroll on social media and compare yourself to others (and reinforce your ‘fate’ through a lens of victim mentality) or are you going to read or learn something that can help you CHOOSE your destiny?

4. Trust Synchronicity, But Don’t Mistake It for Fate

When things line up, see it as a sign that you’re on the right path – but don’t assume it’s all predetermined. Synchronicity is real, but it’s a response to your alignment, and not a fixed script telling you to stay put. You need to take REAL ACTION to meet your destiny so keep taking it (and you’ll probably experience more synchronicity along the way as you build momentum).

5. Stay Adaptable

Destiny isn’t a straight line. Be willing to adjust, pivot, and refine your path as you go. The best players adapt to the game from moment-to-moment. That means learning to LET GO of ego and identity and keep learning who you’re becoming from day-to-day (whilst still having a vision in mind as you navigate reality).

Final Thoughts: Be the Player, Not the Pawn

Fate is real. You don’t get to pick your starting hand. But destiny? Well…that’s down to you.

When you play your cards right and take REAL ACTION, life has a way of meeting you halfway: synchronicities emerge, opportunities arise, and things start ‘clicking’ into place – not because it was all written in stone, but because you aligned yourself with what’s real.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twenty one in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

REAL Action is the Only Cure for Anything: Changing Things in a REAL Way

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Action Over Ideas: If You’re Not Taking Action then WTF are You Doing?

We live in an age where ideas are as abundant as air.

In the Information Age (as they sometimes call it), it’s easier than ever to stumble upon a new concept, share it in a tweet (yeah, I still call them that), or weave it into a conversation as if it were a priceless gem of intellectual currency.

Here’s the thing, though – ideas, no matter how dazzling or novel, mean absolutely nothing without action. They’re essentially the equivalent of a car engine revving in neutral: lots of noise but no forward motion.

We’ve all heard that “talk is cheap” and, ultimately, that’s what we’re talking about (see what I did there?) – when we’re just talking about our ideas (or somebody else’s) then we just end up shadow boxing with ourselves and not getting anywhere new or REAL.

Friedrich Nietzsche maybe said it best when he said that “The doer alone learneth”.

That’s the essence of life: movement, learning, and growth through doing.

Simply put, if you’re not learning, you’re not living, and if you’re not DOING, you’re not learning.

Ideas and Words are Only the Starting Point

Words, theories, and concepts are a wonderful place to begin – they provide us with frameworks to explore, challenge, and refine. But that’s all they really are – a beginning.

Without tangible action, those carefully curated thoughts and self-professed ‘brilliant’ ideas are essentially worthless. They’re like seeds left in a packet, never planted, never given the chance to grow into something real.

If you’re someone who takes pride in being an “ideas person”, it might be worth reflecting on what that really means:

Does it mean you have a keen eye for noticing patterns and connecting dots or does it mean you’re stuck in an endless cycle of intellectual entertainment and chasing insights so it feels like you’re getting somehwere?

Are your ideas fertilising action, or are they merely swirling around your mind like glitter in a snow globe – – pretty to look at but static and inert and eventually destined to go right back to square one?

The Cost of Idealism Without Action

Here’s a hard truth: Idealism without action leads to frustration and, often, depression.

Think about it – when you have ideas but don’t act on them, you stagnate. Your energy, which should be flowing into creating and building FLOW, gets bottled up.

When this happens, you start to lose momentum, your enthusiasm wanes, and that unfulfilled potential starts gnawing away at you like an itch you can’t quite scratch as you get pulled into the Void.

Here’s a vital equation to remember (from Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness – which this article is based on):

Idealism + Inaction = Depression.

If you want your ideas to bring joy or meaning into your life, you must engage with them in the real world and you do that by taking REAL ACTION.

The simple steps to do this are: figure out your VALUES, turn it into a VISION, break this down into GOALS and HABITS that will help you make it happen. On the way there, figure out the QUALITIES and SKILLS that you need to develop to become the person you need to grow into.

(Check out my free 7-Day Course that’s designed to help you do all this – it goes deep and has a 158-page workbook (PDF) to make sure you integrate what you learn).

REAL action not only helps you execute your ideas but also makes you feel alive – few things are more satisfying than seeing something you imagined come to life, in making something real that didn’t exist before you rolled up your sleeves and got to work.

All you gotta do is set a direction and then take those steps.

Why Execution Trumps Intellectual Property

A quick word on other people ‘stealing’ our ideas (because this sometimes stops people doing anything with theirs):

In a world where we often hear about the sanctity of “intellectual property”, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that the value of your ideas lies solely in their originality and so you better wait until the ‘perfect’ conditions arise before executing so nobody nicks your genius idea(s).

While protecting your creative work is important in certain contexts, it’s not the idea itself that holds the most value – it’s what you do with it.

Remember: execution is everything.

Share your ideas without overthinking it, because if you can act on them better than anyone else, they will always belong to you in spirit, even if others attempt to replicate them.

And if someone else can execute your ideas better than you, perhaps it’s a sign that the world needed someone else’s touch to bring them to life. Don’t cling to ideas out of fear; instead, focus on how you can transform those ideas into something tangible and impactful.

Like we said, ideas are just as abundant as air – they’re everywhere! If you lose one, you’ll get another one. All that really matters is that you act on something REAL and see where it takes you.

The Real Value of Ideas Lies in Their Transformation

The best ideas don’t just float in the ether; they transform us and offer the people we share them with transformational value.

As we execute something REAL, real ideas challenge us to grow, to refine our values, and to create something meaningful for others. This transformation doesn’t happen in your head (you can’t think yourself into transforming your life) – it happens through action.

Think of it this way: A writer isn’t a writer because they have ideas for a novel. They’re a writer because they sit down and write. A baker isn’t a baker because they dream about recipes; they’re a baker because they bake.

Ideas without action are illusions, and illusions create distance between you and reality – this gap breeds dissatisfaction and misery because it traps you in a cycle of unmet potential and just leads to ego instead of REALNESS.

On the other side of the coin, real action bridges the gap between who you are and who you’re becoming – it allows you to align your inner world with the outer world, creating harmony and flow in your life, and taking you deeper into WHOLENESS within yourself, the world, and reality.

Talk is Cheap; Action is Everything

We often give too much weight to words, treating them as though they have intrinsic power but words are just…symbols. They have no real influence unless they lead to action.

Ideas may inspire, but action creates and transforms. The doer is the one who changes the world, learns the lessons, and grows into their own REALNESS.

It’s tempting to stay in the realm of ideas because it feels ‘safe’ – yhinking doesn’t require risk or vulnerability (which is why so many of us stay trapped in our comfort zones and live lives of quiet desperation).

If you want to live your REAL life, you have to step out of the safety of theory and into the unpredictability of practice.

Real action – action that’s not motivated by ego – is the ultimate teacher, the ultimate healer, and the ultimate path to self-realisation, because it’s always connected to something real (even the ‘wrong’ action can teach us more about what’s real if we’re always willing to learn).

Practical Steps to Turn Ideas into Action

  1. Start Small, Start Now
    Don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ conditions to begin – just start with what you have, where you are, and take one small step forward. The momentum you build will carry you to the next step and that in turn will reveal the next one (which is why it always comes down to TRUSTING Yourself and TRUSTING life).
  2. Prioritise Your Ideas
    Not every idea is worth pursuing – take time to evaluate which ideas align with your values and have the potential to create real impact. Focus on quality over quantity. At the same time, don’t overthink it so much that you never get to actually taking action.
  3. Set Measurable Goals
    Break your ideas into actionable steps with clear deadlines – this helps you stay accountable and track your progress.
  4. Take Consistent Action
    Discipline is the bridge between ideas and results – commit to taking consistent action, even when it feels uncomfortable or inconvenient (there’s a difference between emotional discomfort and physical danger and if you can navigate your own discomfort you’ll reach your next level).
  5. Seek Feedback and Adapt
    Share your progress with trusted peers or mentors and be open to constructive criticism – use feedback to refine your approach and improve your execution and get even better results over time.
  6. Embrace Failure as Part of the Process
    Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back – every setback is a learning opportunity that brings you closer to success. Remember that F.E.A.R stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real” – once you get going you’ll see that most of the things you feared were in the mind alone.
  7. Celebrate Your Wins
    Acknowledge and celebrate the milestones you achieve along the way – this reinforces your commitment and keeps your motivation high. In a world of talkers and idea chasers, enjoy the fruits of your ACTION.

The short-version of all this is that – in a world saturated with ideas – it’s action that makes the difference and gets RESULTS.

Execution transforms the intangible into the tangible, the abstract into the concrete – so stop revering words and concepts as ends in themselves. Treat them as the starting point they were always meant to be, and take pride not in what you think or dream, but in what you do.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number eighteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Stop Coping, Start Creating: How to Plan Your Way to the Life You Want

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Are you reacting to life or making it happen?

Most people live their lives reacting to circumstances rather than creating them:

They take the first job that comes along and cope with the salary it pays; they enter relationships by chance and spend years trying to make them work, even if they’re fundamentally mismatched. Other times, they adapt to their environment and settle into the cultural or societal limitations they’ve inherited, rarely questioning if these constraints align with their true potential.

As the kids like to say, “It’s just a COPE”.

The uncomfortable truth is that “coping”, while often seen as a virtue, is really just a form of complacency – it’s a passive way of being in the world, a mode of survival rather than thriving.

When we cope, we let life happen to us rather than shaping it intentionally and playing a role as co-creator between ourselves, the world, and reality. This just invites more problems into our lives and causes these problems to linger because we avoid the truth about them – either because we’re emotionally attached and enmeshed with them, identify with them, or both because of EGO.

If you want to break free from a life of coping, the answer lies in planning.

Not just any old ‘planning’, though – what you need is a deliberate, vision-driven approach that moves you from being a passive passenger in your life to an active creator, shifting from an EFFECT to a CAUSE of what unfolds.

Why Coping Keeps You Stuck

Coping is a short-term strategy that often creates long-term stagnation.

Imagine trying to patch a leaking roof with duct tape – it might hold for a while, but eventually, the problem will resurface, often worse than before.

The same applies to life:

When you cope, you’re merely managing the symptoms of deeper issues without addressing their root causes.

Here’s the reality: coping is reactive – it’s about adapting to circumstances rather than questioning whether those circumstances are worth adapting to. It’s about avoiding discomfort rather than facing it head-on and growing REAL beyond it.

When we cope, we allow external forces – our environment, culture, or even our own fears – to dictate the course of our lives.

In other words, we settle for less than we deserve because we don’t believe we can achieve more…but this mindset is a trap.

You Don’t Get What You’re Given – You Get What You Take

Life doesn’t hand out rewards to those who merely survive – it rewards those who dare to help shape it (by working with it instead of against it).

This doesn’t mean bulldozing through life with blind ambition and force, but rather understanding a profound truth: you have far more agency than you think and you can step up, lean into it, and build FLOW so you don’t have to ‘cope’.

This brings us to a bit of a paradox:

While you don’t get what you’re given but what you take, you can only take what you give.

(Read that again because it’s important)

Life reflects back to us what we project into it – if you approach life with a real vision and commitment, it’s far more likely to respond in kind. But if you approach it with passivity, just ‘hoping’ that things will fall into place, you’ll likely find yourself stuck in a cycle of coping.

The Power of Vision: Your Map to the Future

The antidote to coping is creating a clear, specific vision for your life.

This isn’t about wishful thinking or manifesting your dreams into reality through sheer hope – it’s about getting clear on what you want, setting tangible goals, and taking consistent action and having daily habits to achieve them.

Think of your vision as a map – without it, you’re wandering aimlessly, chasing mirages of ‘success’ or ‘happiness’ that may not even exist. With it, you have a clear destination and a sense of direction, making it easier to make the right decisions at the right time as you navigate reality between where you are now and where you want to be in the future.

Here’s where most people go wrong: they don’t take the time to figure out what they actually want – they mistake societal expectations or biological impulses for genuine desires.

For example:

  • How much money do you really need to live the life you want?
  • What kind of partner truly aligns with your values and aspirations?
  • What work would bring you fulfilment?

Clarity is everything – when you know where you’re headed, you can plan your route and adjust course when needed.

Turning Vision into Action: The Power of SMART Goals

Having a vision is essential, but it’s not enough on its own.

To turn your vision into reality, you need a strategy – and that’s where SMART goals come in. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Action-Oriented, Realistic, and Time-Framed.

Here’s how it works:

  1. Specific
    Be crystal clear about what you want because vague goals lead to vague results. Instead of saying, “I want to earn more money”, set a SPECIFIC target: “I want to earn £50,000 per year.” Instead of saying, “I want to get fit”, specify what that means: “I want to run a 10K in under 60 minutes”.
  2. Measurable
    Create a way to track your progress. If your goal is financial, track your income and savings; if it’s health-related, monitor metrics like weight, strength, or running times. Seeing progress keeps you motivated and helps you course-correct when needed. It gives you EVIDENCE that you’re becoming who you know you can become.
  3. Action-Oriented
    Focus on what you can do. Goals should be about tangible actions, not abstract ideas. For example, “Send out 10 job applications per week” is actionable but “Find my dream job” is not. Make sure that whatever you’re aiming for can be boiled down to some kind of action (otherwise you’re just gonna end up COPING).
  4. Realistic
    Set goals that challenge you but are still achievable. If your goals are too ambitious, you risk becoming discouraged. Start where you are, but aim to stretch yourself and then to keep stretching and going deeper and deeper into your potential.
  5. Time-Framed
    Give yourself a deadline – a goal without a timeframe is just a wish. Deadlines create urgency and accountability, helping you stay focused and committed. They also allow you to stay accountable and to make sure you’re being true to yourself.

From Coping to Creating: A Practical Framework

Here’s a step-by-step process to break free from coping and start creating the life you truly want:

  1. Identify What You’re Coping With
    Take an honest look at your life. Where are you merely coping? Is it in your career, relationships, finances, or personal growth? Write these areas down and reflect on how they’re holding you back.
  2. Define Your Vision
    Ask yourself: If I weren’t coping, what would I be doing? Imagine your ideal life in vivid detail. What does it look like? How do you spend your time? Who are you with? The clearer your vision, the easier it becomes to pursue.
  3. Set SMART Goals
    Break your vision down into actionable steps using the SMART framework. For example, if your vision involves financial freedom, a SMART goal might be: “Save £10,000 within the next 12 months by reducing expenses and increasing income streams”.
  4. Take Consistent Action
    The key to moving from coping to creating is consistent action – start small if needed, but start. Every step you take reinforces your belief in your ability to shape your life. Getting to wherever you want to be in life is a PROCESS and you can work that process every day with incremental action. Over time, small actions make a BIG difference.
  5. Evaluate and Adjust
    Life is unpredictable, and plans rarely go perfectly. Regularly review your progress and adjust your approach as needed. Flexibility is a strength, not a weakness. Always remember that the map is not the territory and as you move forward you will keep learning and growing as the terrain teaches you about the REALITY of what you’re doing.
  6. Commit to the Process, Not Just the Outcome
    Focus on the journey, not just the destination – even if you don’t achieve every goal, the process of pursuing them will transform you. You’ll grow, learn, and become more resilient. This is the true secret of living a REAL life: once you know what your goals are, step back, detach, and LIVE in the PROCESS of taking real action from moment-to-moment. The goals only exist in your head, but the PROCESS is in the present.

Check out my free 7-day Course with Workbook that can help you start working on all this ‘stuff’: The 7-Day Personality Transplant System Shock for Realness and Life Purpose.

The Courage to Plan Around Your Desires

It takes courage to plan your life around your desires, especially when society often pressures us to settle for what’s ‘realistic’ or ‘safe’ but here’s the truth: playing it safe is often the riskiest move of all because it leads to a life of coping, regret, and untapped potential.

You might not get everything you want, but with a clear vision and deliberate action, you can get a hell of a lot closer.

Even if you don’t, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried – of living a life that’s true to yourself, rather than one dictated by circumstances.

Stop coping. Start creating – take the time to figure out what you really want, make a plan to get there, and commit to the journey. Life is too short to spend it just coping and calling it progress.

Shape your life before it shapes you. You’re capable of so much more than coping.

You’re here to create.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number seventeen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Solution-Focused Living for REALNESS: Switching Focus from Problems to Solutions

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Stop Complaining, Start Solving: Embracing a Solution-Focused Life

As somebody once said, “Life is one damn thing after another” – if you’re here on Planet Earth living a human life then problems are inevitable.

Life – in all its messy, unpredictable glory – serves up a seemingly endless buffet of challenges for everyone and they just keep coming:

You might feel like you’re carrying the heaviest burden, but the truth is, if your problems disappeared tomorrow, others would surely take their place. There’s no escape. This is the human condition.

The question, then, isn’t whether you’ll encounter problems – it’s how you’ll choose to face them. Are you gonna be REAL or UNREAL?

If you’re feeling stuck in the swamp of complaints, regrets, and self-pity, it’s time to step back, reframe your perspective, and adopt a solution-focused worldview.

In this article, we’ll explore why problems are universal, how rumination keeps you trapped in ego, and why focusing on solutions is the only way out and back to reality.

Everyone Has Problems – You’re Not Special

Let’s start with a hard truth: your problems aren’t unique.

Sure, the specifics might differ, but every human being on this planet has their own struggles, disappointments, and battles. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie where everyone else is living happily-ever-after while the universe conspires against you. It just feels that way when you’re stuck in a cycle of self-pity because of ego and a F.E.A.R (“False evidence appearing real”) of leaving the comfort zone.

These days, we often wear our problems like badges of honour – as if they set us apart from others or make us more interesting somehow. But constantly airing your grievances, wallowing in how ‘unfair’ life is, or playing the victim doesn’t make you special. It just makes you insufferable.

Here’s the truth: the universe didn’t single you out and poop on your breakfast trolley. There’s just poop everywhere. Everyone is navigating the messiness of life, whether they talk about it or not (and some definitely talk about it more than others).

Instead of using your struggles to justify self-pity or demand sympathy, try using them as a bridge for empathy. Everyone you meet is carrying their own invisible load, whether they show it or not. Understanding this can make you more compassionate – and less tempted to bore people with endless complaints.

More than that, it allows you to start shifting away from your problems instead of just focusing on them and allowing them to grow bigger and bigger (what we focus on grows so if we become obsessed with our problems, they just grow – this is why it’s better to focus on the solution and what we actually WANT).

The Trap of Emotional Attachment to Problems

Emotions are a natural and essential part of being human. Over the course of your life, you’ll experience everything from euphoric highs to crushing lows, and that’s perfectly normal. But here’s the problem: when you identify with your struggles – when you let them define you – they become much harder to overcome because you become ENMESHED with your emotions instead of letting them pass (and emotions are e-motion, energy in motion – they will pass if you let them).

Think about it:

How often do you find yourself stuck in a mental loop of “Why me?”, “How could this happen?”, or “What if things had gone differently?”

These questions might feel productive in the moment – because we often trick ourselves into thinking that worrying about something is the same as doing something about it – but they’re really just emotional quicksand. They keep you stuck in the past, blind to the opportunities of the present, and paralysed about the future.

The more you fixate on your problems, the heavier they become, and the more likely they are to linger; your mental baggage weighs you down, leaving you too encumbered to take meaningful steps forward. Life is precious, and every second spent dwelling on something unchangeable is a second wasted because worrying doesn’t change a single thing.

Why a Solution-Focused Worldview Works

Here’s where the shift happens: instead of focusing on the problem, focus on the solution.

A solution-focused worldview is about acknowledging that problems are a natural part of life, and then breaking them down into manageable pieces. It’s not about denying your emotions or brushing your struggles under the rug – it’s about facing them, processing them, and refusing to let them define you (and, really, they can only define you if you RESIST because – as Carl Jung said – what you resist persists).

Step 1: Accept the Reality of Problems

The first step is to accept that life is inherently messy – problems will arise, no matter how well you plan or how carefully you tread. Instead of railing against this reality, embrace it. Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity – it means making peace with the fact that problems are part of the deal so you can stay ACTIVE.

Step 2: Separate What You Can Control from What You Can’t

Not all problems are created equal. Some are within your influence; others aren’t. The trick is learning to differentiate between the two. Worrying about things you can’t control is like trying to row a boat with a sieve – it’s exhausting and pointless.

Instead, focus your energy on the aspects of your problems that are within your control. Break them down into smaller, actionable steps – a daunting challenge becomes far less intimidating when it’s divided into manageable pieces.

Step 3: Embrace and Process Your Emotions, But Don’t Stop There

Your feelings are valid, but they’re not the whole story. Acknowledge the emotions that come with your struggles – grief, anger, frustration – but don’t let them have the final word. Feel them, process them, and then move forward by transmuting the energy into the solution.

Step 4: Take Action

Here’s the most important part: do something. Action is the only cure for anything. You can’t think your way out of a problem – you have to act your way out. Even small, imperfect steps can lead to progress, and even the ‘wrong’ action will eventually teach you something (even if it’s just a better strategy) because action is always connected to reality beyond the ideas in our heads.

Progress, Not Perfection

It’s tempting to wait for the ‘perfect’ moment, the ‘perfect’ plan, or the ‘perfect’ circumstances to address your problems but perfection is an illusion and waiting for it will only keep you stuck.

Progress doesn’t happen all at once – it happens incrementally, one step at a time so keep taking the steps.

Think of it like climbing a mountain:

You don’t get to the summit in a single leap – you take one step, then another, then another. Some steps are harder than others; some might feel like setbacks. But as long as you keep moving, you’re making progress.

When you focus on your problems, you become too overwhelmed to take even the next small step; when you focus on the solution, you eventually find a way up the mountain.

Life Is Unfair – Be Fair Anyway

Life isn’t ‘fair’ (though this applies to all of us which is equal, at least).

It never has been, and it never will be. Some people start with more advantages, others face greater challenges and we all have our own FATE (the cards we’ve been dealt) to contend with. But fairness isn’t the point – how you respond to life’s unfairness is what matters so you can find your DESTINY (the choices you make about the cards you’ve been dealt).

When you’re dealing with your own struggles, it’s easy to forget that everyone else is fighting their own battles too – but they are. Some people suffer in silence; others wear their pain on their sleeves but no one is immune to hardship because life is hard for all of us at one time or another.

The best thing you can do is to be fair – to yourself and to others. Don’t let your struggles harden you as you cling more and more to the EGO. Let them soften you and make you REAL. Let them make you more empathetic, more understanding, and more determined to find solutions so you can keep building flow.

The Takeaway: Problems Are Inevitable, Solutions are a RAL Choice

Problems are a given. They’re part of the human experience.

How you respond to them is entirely up to you.

You can choose to complain, wallow, and let your struggles define you or you can choose to embrace a solution-focused worldview – accepting your problems, processing your emotions, and taking REAL action to move forward.

The universe didn’t single you out. There’s poop everywhere. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in the mess. Start solving. Start moving. And start living.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number sixteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Realness for Entrepreneurs, Artists, and Creators: Real Need vs Self-Interest

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Moving Beyond Ego to Create Real Value

This is one for the entrepreneurs, artists, and creators out there…

We’re often told that the key to a meaningful life is to “do what you love”. It sounds like pretty sage advice in many ways – after all, who wouldn’t want to build a career or lifestyle around their passions?

However, this romanticised notion often neglects a crucial reality: loving what you do doesn’t guarantee that others will find value in it.

If what you ‘love’ provides no solution to a real need in the world, your efforts may amount to little more than self-gratification and a mere extension of the EGO rather than anything REAL.

The short-version is focusing solely on personal passion without considering its relevance to others is ego-driven, and in the long run, it leads to stagnation and the creation of ‘meaningless’ work.

This article explores why aligning your passions with real needs, rather than ego-fuelled self-interest, is the key to creating meaningful impact and finding fulfilment in both personal and professional pursuits. When you understand this ‘stuff’ it can help you to do what you do better and to reach more people in the process.

It all comes down to the timeless mantra (on this website and in my books anyway): REAL ALWAYS WORKS.

The Ego’s Trap: Why ‘Doing What You Love’ May Not Be Enough

The ego loves the idea of self-expression for the sake of itself. This is because it thrives on the applause, validation, and approval of others for its very existence.

Motivations like these, however, are often short-lived because they are rooted in the desire to reinforce our self-concept instead of an actual experience of who we really are in our REALNESS. When we pursue what we love purely for personal gratification, without considering whether it meets a real need in the world, we risk creating something that is ultimately self-serving and hollow. This is because we’re only looking at it through the lens of illusory independence and separation rather than the deeper level of INTERDEPENDENCE (i.e. everything is connected to everything else).

Take, for instance, the idea of starting a business or creative project purely with the motivation of showcasing your talents or express your (self-professed) ‘genius’:

You may find a small audience who appreciates your novelty, but if your product or service doesn’t address a real problem or fulfil a genuine desire, it’s unlikely to create lasting value. The sad truth is that most people don’t care about your self-expression as much as you do – unless it connects to their lives in some REAL way.

This doesn’t mean that your passions are irrelevant – it simply means that they must be refined, reshaped, and aligned with the needs of others if they are to have any real significance ‘out there’ in the world. If it comes from a REAL place in yourself and you can find a way to make it REAL to others, then, ultimately, you’ve found the sweetspot.

Needs vs Self-Interest: Understanding the Difference

There’s an important distinction between self-interest and need:

Self-interest is what your ego wants others to want or need.

It’s about imposing your vision onto the world in the hope that others will recognise your brilliance and applaud it. Real need, on the other hand, is about stepping outside yourself to ask: What do people truly need or desire, and how can I serve them based on what’s REAL about me?

This distinction is critical in all areas of life that involve human relationships (so most of them!):

Self-interest centres around you – your ambitions, your preferences, your identity. Real need centres around others – their struggles, their challenges, and their aspirations.

To create real value, you must shift your perspective from self to service.

From Self-Gratification to Service: How to Find the Intersection of Passion and Need

You don’t have to abandon your passions to meet real needs – instead, you need to find a way to refine them so they can become valuable to others. This process requires brutal honesty and a willingness to let go of your ego-driven attachments but it’s worth the time and effort.

Here’s how you can start:

1. Ask What You Can Offer

Instead of asking, “What do I want others to want from me?” ask, “What can I offer that solves a problem or fulfils a need?”

This subtle shift in mindset transforms your actions from self-serving to service-oriented.

For example, if you’re a painter, don’t just paint what you love and expect the world to care – instead, think about how your art can evoke emotions, tell stories, or address cultural or societal themes that resonate with others. How do you want your work to make people more REAL?

2. Experiment and Adapt

Finding where your passions align with real needs is not a one-time exercise; it’s an iterative process. Experiment with different modes of delivery, listen to feedback, and be willing to adapt.

For instance, if you’re a writer, try different formats – blogging, novels, social media posts, or essays – and see what resonates most with your audience. Pay attention to the needs and desires they express and refine your work accordingly. Learn to listen out for their problems and then talk about this in your work (and help to start solving them).

3. Talk to People

True value emerges from genuine connection…

Talk to people, ask questions, and seek to understand their pain points and aspirations. This is the only way to ensure that what you offer is rooted in reality rather than your ego’s assumptions about people based on your own needs and projections.

4. Look at Yourself Objectively

Brutal self-honesty is essential. Take a hard look at your motivations. Are you creating something to feed your ego, or are you genuinely trying to make a difference (remembering the only true difference is helping people grow into a more REAL version of themselves)? The ability to distinguish between these two drivers is a hallmark of realness in whatever work you do.

The Paradox of Value: Giving Up to Gain

It may seem counterintuitive, but the more you let go of your ego-driven desires, the more fulfilling and impactful your work becomes. Why? Because focusing on meeting real needs allows you to transcend the limitations of self-interest and tap into something far bigger.

By aligning your passions with the needs of others, you create a feedback loop of value. The more value you provide, the more appreciation and fulfilment you receive in return – not as a primary goal, but as a natural by-product of putting some realness out into an unreal world.

Take the example of a musician who loves experimental jazz:

While this niche may not have mass appeal, the musician could adapt their passion by teaching others about improvisation, creating relatable content, or collaborating with artists in other genres. In doing so, they find ways to meet needs while staying true to their passion.

The Ego’s Resistance to Realness

Letting go of self-interest is no easy feat. The ego thrives on clinging to a fixed identity, even when that identity no longer serves you or others. It resists change because change threatens its sense of control and causes the SHADOW SELF to start emerging (which threatens the very foundation that the ego rests upon).

Clinging to your ego always comes at a cost – it keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-gratification, disconnected from the world around you. True freedom comes from recognising this resistance and choosing to move beyond it.

Start by questioning the narratives your ego tells you:

  • “I have to stay true to my art, no matter what.”
  • “If people don’t appreciate my work, it’s their problem, not mine.”
  • “Success means being recognised for my brilliance.”

These narratives are often illusions that prevent you from evolving. Replace them with questions like:

  • “How can I make my art more meaningful and REAL to others?”
  • “What value can I provide that people genuinely need?”
  • “How can I grow and adapt to better serve the world?”

Freedom in the Gap Between Passion and Need

Freedom exists in the gap between pursuing your passions and meeting real needs of people you can serve in a REAL way; it’s about finding the sweet spot where your deepest values align with the desires and struggles of others. This balance is the essence of realness – a way of living and working that is both authentic and impactful.

Living in this gap requires constant self-awareness and adaptability. You must be willing to let go of the outdated and ‘static’ (seeming) self-concepts of ego and embrace the ever-changing realities of the world around you in your own REALNESS. It’s not about abandoning your passions but about refining and reshaping them to create something truly valuable and interdependent.

Conclusion: Real Need is the Path to Real Value

The journey from self-interest to real need is a journey from ego to realness. It’s a journey that requires brutal honesty, adaptability, and a commitment to serving others.

By shifting your focus from “What do I want?” to “What do others need?” you open the door to creating lasting value. You align your passions with purpose, transcend the limitations of self-gratification, and find fulfilment in the act of service.

In the end, the applause, appreciation, and approval you seek will come – not as the main goal in an attempt to fill the Void, but as the natural by-products of living in alignment with real need.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number fifteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Your Primal Self: Human Order and Universal Order

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Learning to balance the real and unreal to find your primal self.

Human existence is a peculiar balancing act.

We live at the intersection of two overlapping realities: the Human Order, a world constructed of symbolism, culture, and social agreements, and the Universal Order, the raw, chaotic, and necessary laws of nature that underpin existence itself.

For most of us, navigating this gap between these two worlds is an unconscious struggle:

We wake up, scroll through our phones, go to work, pay our bills, interact with others, and move through life adhering to a complex web of cultural norms. Yet beneath the surface, our animal nature – the drives and instincts shaped by millions of years of evolution – is never far away.

This tension, the pull between NECESSITY and SYMBOLISM, is not just external. It lives within each of us. It shapes our thoughts, our behaviours, and the very fabric of our daily lives. To truly live authentically, we must understand and embrace this duality instead of suppressing it – only then can we TRANSCEND it and become REAL by embracing the PRIMAL SELF.

The Gap Between Two Orders and the Primal Self

The Human Order is a symbolic construct defined by our collective EGOS. It’s made up of the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, how we should behave, and what is valuable. These stories create culture, economics, politics, and all the systems we rely on to live in large, organised groups. While this order provides stability, structure, and opportunity, it often comes at the cost of disconnection – from nature, from others, and from ourselves.

The Universal Order, by contrast, is the domain of nature’s immutable laws. It is chaotic, unsympathetic, and untamed, operating without concern for human sentiment. It’s the raw world of survival, competition, and biological necessity, where creatures fight for resources and where the laws of nature reign supreme.

Our lives, therefore, are caught in the crossfire. We’re animals living in a human-made cage of symbols. And while this cage has allowed us to build skyscrapers, create art, and explore the stars, it can also alienate us from the deeper, primal truths of who we are.

The Inner Struggle: Necessity vs Symbolism

To complicate matters further, this conflict isn’t just societal – it’s deeply personal.

Within each of us, there’s an ongoing war between our natural impulses and the social contracts we’ve internalised.

Our bodies are still wired for survival in a primal world; we crave connection, food, sex, and movement; we’re built to respond to danger, to seek shelter, to protect our loved ones. But these instincts are constantly being shaped and suppressed by the Human Order: the expectations to sit still, behave politely, perform roles, and live within the confines of socially acceptable behaviour.

It’s no wonder, then, that so many people feel disconnected or in conflict with themselves. Our natural impulses are often at odds with the symbolic dictates of modern life and – when we suppress these impulses too rigidly or for too long – the result can be anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of being out-of-sync with reality.

Finding Happiness in the Tension

The key to navigating this tension lies not in choosing one order over the other, but in seeing ourselves as the bridge between the two. Happiness, or at least a deeper sense of fulfilment, begins when we stop fighting this duality and start integrating it.

It’s about embracing both the symbolic and the necessary parts of life. It’s about recognising that while we are cultural beings, we are also animals with biological needs and instincts. Finding this balance requires both awareness and acceptance so we can take REAL ACTION without being held back by obsolete biological wiring or social programming that has nothing to do with reality.

Accepting Your Inner Animal and Finding the Primal Self

A large part of this journey involves reconnecting with your primal self. This doesn’t mean abandoning modern life or reverting to some romanticised “noble savage” ideal. It means acknowledging your instincts, emotions, and desires as natural and valid parts of who you are.

For example:

  • If you feel anger or sadness, don’t suppress it because society tells you these emotions are “unattractive.” Instead, explore what these feelings are telling you and let them flow in a healthy, constructive way by channeling them into your REAL VISION.
  • If you feel the urge to move, to run, to shout, or even to howl at the moon if you’re feeling fancy (and it won’t harm anyone), why not? Allow yourself to feel alive.
  • If your body craves rest or nourishment, listen to it instead of overriding it with cultural ideals about productivity or diet fads.

By honouring your animal instincts, you reconnect with the Universal Order and create space for REALNESS to emerge.

Understanding the Symbolic Cage

At the same time, we must also understand and respect the Human Order. Culture, after all, is what allows us to coexist in communities. It’s what enables us to build relationships, share knowledge, and create meaning. The symbolic world is not inherently ‘bad’ – it’s just incomplete when taken alone or it effaces our realness.

The trick is to remain aware of the ways in which cultural norms and expectations influence your behaviour. Are you suppressing your true self because you’re afraid of what others might think? Are you conforming to societal standards at the expense of your own well-being?

Freedom lies in the ability to consciously navigate the symbolic world while staying true to your natural instincts. It’s about being aware of the stories you’re living by and choosing which ones to keep and which to let go.

If the stories are REAL, then your life will become real; if they’re unreal, your life will become unreal.

(This is why I always like to say “Gimme something real or GTFO”).

Freedom in the Gap

Real freedom exists in the gap between mastery of your biology and understanding your cultural programming. It’s not about swinging wildly from one extreme to the other, but about finding harmony between the two.

This doesn’t mean you should reject all social norms or abandon politeness – it simply means being honest with yourself about what you need to feel alive and fulfilled.

For instance:

  • You don’t have to stop using a knife and fork, but you can allow yourself to enjoy food with the enthusiasm of someone who truly savours it.
  • You don’t have to yell or cry in every moment of frustration, but you can give yourself permission to express your emotions honestly and without shame.

A large part of finding realness is about rejecting the hyper-neuroticism of modern life – the endless striving for perfection, control, and validation – and reconnecting with the truth of who you are: a human being who bleeds, breathes, loves, and sometimes breaks things.

Choosing Realness Over Fabrication

The ultimate goal is to live authentically, to integrate both the Human Order and the Universal Order into a cohesive whole. This means recognising the fabricated nature of many cultural constructs while still finding value in them. It also means embracing the messy, animalistic side of life without fear or shame.

This isn’t an easy path. It requires a willingness to look at yourself honestly and to question the stories you’ve been living by but the reward is a life that feels real – one where you’re not constantly at war with yourself or the world around you because you’ve overcome the ego and the world by extension.

Escape from Modern Neuroticism

Much of the anxiety and disconnection that characterises modern life stems from our failure to navigate this duality. We’ve become so enmeshed in the symbolic world that we’ve lost touch with the universal one. We prioritise productivity over presence, appearance over authenticity, and convenience over connection.

The way out is knowing that by recognising the tension between the Human Order and the Universal Order, and by consciously working to bridge that gap, we can free ourselves from the neurotic patterns that hold us back.

Conclusion: Embrace the Whole

There’s no shame in being connected to the animal world – we are creatures of the earth, shaped by millions of years of evolution.

But we are also beings of culture, capable of creating meaning and beauty…to deny either side of this duality is to live a fragmented life.

The way forward is to embrace both the necessary and the symbolic, the universal and the human. By doing so, we can find a sense of balance, authenticity, and freedom that transcends the limits of either order alone.

So, howl if you need to. Dance like no one’s watching. Live with your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds. And, most importantly, refuse to be afraid of who you are.

Realness lies in the integration of all that you are – not just the parts you’ve been told to show.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number fourteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Real Always Works: Why Reality is Always Your TEACHER

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Turning Towards Reality is Always the Key to Real Change

A harsh but beautiful truth about life is that most ‘problems’ persist not because they’re impossible to solve, but because we refuse to face them head-on:

Whether it’s out of fear, pride, or plain avoidance, turning away from reality is often the quickest route to stagnation because it always leads to the same unreal place: EGO.

If we truly want to change our lives, we need to embrace one fundamental truth: Reality is always your teacher.

No matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may seem, reality always holds the keys to meaningful transformation – it has to be this way because where can you get actual RESULTS if not in reality?

It’s not always kind, it’s rarely indulgent, and it certainly doesn’t cater to the idealised scenarios we create in our minds. But here’s the catch: it’s the only thing we have to work with so you might as well train yourself to do so (if you want to live your REALEST life).

Ignoring reality is like trying to build a house without looking at the materials you’ve been given:

You can dream of grand architectural designs all you want, but unless you’re willing to assess the wood, bricks, and nails in front of you, nothing will ever take shape. Facing reality may feel like stepping into darkness, but if you approach it with courage and curiosity, you’ll find that the truth always brings light.

If you’re ‘stuck’ in life or not getting the results you know you can then maybe it’s time to ask yourself if you could get more REAL?

Book a call with me if you think that maybe you can:

Reality as the Foundation for Change

Why is reality such an essential teacher? Because it makes change possible. Change doesn’t happen in the realm of fantasy or wishful thinking (both extensions of EGO and its escapism)- it happens in the gritty, messy, and often imperfect landscape of real life. And if you don’t take the time to understand and ACCEPT that landscape—your starting point—you’ll end up wandering aimlessly.

(This is why I say all transformational journeys follow the same basic path: raise AWARENESS, cultivate ACCEPTANCE, and then take inspired ACTION).

Let’s be clear: change will happen whether you like it or not. Life is fluid and constantly moving, so if you don’t actively engage with reality, you’ll end up being swept along by change that happens to you, rather than change you’ve CHOSEN (not that you can choose everything).

Sure, you might get lucky and stumble into something good, but is that enough? Or do you want to steer your life in a direction that aligns with your deeper aspirations and your REALNESS?

To do that, you must look at the fluid nature of reality – both around you and within you – and adapt accordingly. Life rewards those who are willing to keep up with it and to keep evolving. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending things aren’t changing is a surefire way to get left behind.

Brutal Honesty: The First Step to Freedom

Acceptance of reality requires a level of honesty that most of us would rather avoid (so they can keep their ego in place and avoid their SHADOW SELF).

And let’s not sugarcoat it: brutal honesty is uncomfortable. It forces us to confront not just the world as it is, but ourselves as we are.

This honesty goes beyond admitting to our weaknesses – it also means scrutinising our strengths.

Ask yourself:

  • Have I succeeded in certain areas because of my hard work, or did I just get lucky?
  • What areas of my life am I fooling myself over?
  • What’s never going to happen unless I step up my game?
  • What’s never going to happen even if I do step up my game?

These aren’t easy questions, but they’re necessary ones.

You can’t live a real life if you’re not being real with yourself.

Being brutally honest doesn’t mean you have to be brutally cruel. The goal isn’t to beat yourself up for your shortcomings or to dwell on your failures – instead, approach yourself with playful curiosity. Acknowledge the things you might not like about yourself, but do so with compassion and a willingness to explore.

Get to that sweetspot where you can CHALLENGE YOURSELF WITHOUT JUDGING YOURSELF.

The Balance Between Brutality and Tenderness

When you start to examine reality, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-judgement. You might find things you’re not proud of – habits you’ve clung to, fears you’ve avoided, or beliefs that no longer serve you. But here’s the secret: judgement doesn’t help because judgement is the opposite of ACCEPTANCE (which is all you can do with reality when you’re being REAL).

Instead of tearing yourself down, try looking at your flaws and failures with tenderness: recognise that being human means being imperfect. Nobody gets everything right all the time. Mistakes and shortcomings aren’t signs of failure – they’re signs that you’re alive, learning, and growing.

Think of it like this: if you were cleaning out a messy attic, you wouldn’t beat yourself up for finding cobwebs and dust. You’d simply get to work, deciding what to keep, what to toss, and what needs a bit of repair. Approach your inner world in the same way. Be curious about what you find, and take the necessary steps to clean things up without attaching shame or blame to the process.

This balance between brutal honesty and tender self-compassion is the sweet spot for growth. It allows you to see things as they truly are, without being paralysed by guilt or self-criticism.

Turning Towards Yourself

Before you can take on the world, you have to take on yourself.

Facing reality isn’t just about looking at external circumstances; it’s about turning inward and being honest about who you are, what you want, and what you’re capable of.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I avoiding?
  • What stories am I telling myself about why I can’t change?
  • What’s holding me back, and what am I willing to do about it?

These questions aren’t always fun to answer, but they’re necessary if you want to live a life that’s grounded in truth. The goal isn’t to become perfect – it’s to become real. And the realest version of yourself is the one that aligns with reality, not the one that clings to illusions fuelled by fear, pride, or misplaced desire.

The Freedom of Alignment with Reality

When you align yourself with reality, something incredible happens: life becomes lighter. You’re no longer fighting against the current, clinging to fantasies or resisting truths you don’t want to face. Instead, you’re flowing with the natural rhythms of life, making decisions based on what is rather than what you wish could be.

This doesn’t mean life becomes easy. There will still be challenges, setbacks, and moments of doubt but – when you’re aligned with reality – you have the tools to navigate those challenges with clarity and purpose. You’re not wasting energy fighting against the truth – you’re using it as a guide to go deeper into itself.

Reality is never the enemy. It’s the foundation. It’s the starting point for everything you want to create. And when you stop turning away from it and start embracing it, you open the door to true freedom. In a world where we’re constantly running from the truth you can see why so many of us feel enslaved… the only way out is to get REAL.

Playing with Reality

One of the most liberating shifts you can make is to approach reality with a sense of playfulness. Yes, life is serious, but it doesn’t always have to be so heavy. Even when you’re facing tough truths, try to keep a sense of curiosity and openness.

Instead of thinking, “Ugh, why am I like this?” try asking, “Hmm, isn’t it interesting that I’m like this? I wonder what I can learn from it.”

This playful curiosity takes the sting out of self-reflection. It reminds you that life is a journey, not a test you have to pass. You’re not here to be perfect – you’re here to grow, learn, and evolve so you can become REAL (to be a broken record).

Conclusion: The Power of Turning Towards Reality

The truth might be uncomfortable, but it’s never the enemy. Reality is your greatest teacher, offering you the tools and insights you need to make meaningful change. The key is to face it with courage, curiosity, and compassion.

Stop turning away from reality. Turn towards it at every opportunity – look at it squarely, even when it feels dark or messy. Be brutally honest with yourself, but balance that honesty with tenderness. Be playful and curious, and allow yourself the freedom to evolve without judgement.

Remember: You gotta be real to live real.

Reality may not always give you what you want, but it will always give you what you need to grow and move towards WHOLENESS. When you align yourself with it, you’re no longer at the mercy of change – you become the co-creator of it so you can become unstuck and life a life that’s worth living.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number thirteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Build Flow: The Power of Moving with Life

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The only constant in life is change but we can use it to build flow and grow REAL.

Nothing is static in human experience. Everything flows.

At first glance, this truth may seem unsettling. After all, so much of our lives are spent seeking stability – a steady job, a permanent home, fixed relationships, a firm sense of self…but the fact is that the world, and everything in it, is in a constant state of flux (even if reality itself is WHOLE and therefore remains absolute in truth).

From the mightiest mountains to the smallest cells in your body, everything is in motion: change isn’t just inevitable; it’s the very fabric of existence.

Resisting this truth doesn’t preserve stability – it creates suffering:

When we cling to the illusion of stasis, we find ourselves stuck, forcing life to fit a shape it simply cannot hold but – when we embrace flux – we open ourselves to the flow of life, discovering not only freedom but also the potential for growth, transformation, and REAL living.

The Fragility of Permanence

Take a moment to look around you:

The walls of the room you’re sitting in may seem solid, immovable, unchanging. Yet, over time, they’ll crumble – the bricks will erode, the paint will peel, and what seems permanent now will eventually be dust. The same is true for the people in your life: they’re constantly evolving towards wholeness – mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Even the grandest structures of the Earth – towering mountains, vast forests, endless oceans – are slowly shifting and changing with the passage of time. It’s just the way it goes so we might as well go with it instead of trying to cling to static ideas and interpretations about things that we picked up somewhere in the past.

When we look at the world around us at face value, caught up in our minds and emotions, things can appear to be permanent or lasting… after all, our lives are but a blink in the vast expanse of time.

But permanence is an illusion. Nothing in the phenomenal world remains fixed.

This realisation can feel uncomfortable because we’re wired to crave certainty and in many ways our identity (ego) depends on it. We want to know who we are, where we’re going, and what tomorrow will bring. But treating life as though it’s static – clinging to the notion that things should remain as they are – sets us up for conflict. It forces us into a battle with reality – one we’re destined to lose.

The Problem with Stasis

Why do we cling to stasis? Because it feels safe and comfortable. The ego – the mental construct we identify with as “Me” – craves predictability and consistency; it builds a self-image based on fixed roles, beliefs, and patterns:

“I am this kind of person.” “I believe in these ideas.” “My life should look like this.”

These narratives give us a sense of control, a comforting illusion that we understand the world and our place in it…they also allow us to resist and distort our underlying emotional ‘stuff’ and the shame, guilt, and/or trauma that makes us want to avoid reality and choose ego in the first place.

But reality doesn’t care about our narratives:

It flows, shifts, and transforms, regardless of our attempts to hold it still and – when we cling to stasis – we create tension.

Think of it like trying to stop the flow of a mighty river; you can dam it, block it, or try to divert its course, but the water will eventually find a way to flow.

Similarly, when we resist the natural flux of life, we create blockages – internally and externally. These blockages manifest as frustration, anxiety, and a sense of being stuck. The longer we resist, the more ‘stuck’ we get, and the more likely we are to become miserable and depressed.

When we force life to fit a static mould, we cut ourselves off from its natural rhythms – instead of growing and adapting, we stagnate; instead of flowing with the current, we exhaust ourselves swimming upstream.

If we want to find our REAL life and the energy that comes with it, then our best strategy is to just LET GO.

The Freedom of Flux

So what if we let go of the illusion of stasis and embraced the fluidity of life?

To do this, we must first recognise the flux in ourselves…

You are not the same person you were a year ago – or even yesterday. Every experience, every conversation, every fleeting moment leaves its mark. You are a process, not a product. A journey, not a destination.

This is a liberating truth and will always lead to REALNESS (because that’s the only place things can lead to). When you embrace your fluidity, you free yourself from the need to cling to outdated roles, beliefs, or self-images. You realise that who you are today doesn’t have to define who you’ll be tomorrow. You’re allowed to change your mind, to evolve, and GROW REAL.

Shedding the Skin of Stasis

To truly flow with life, you must be willing to shed your skin. This means letting go of what no longer serves you because you have learned that it’s UNREAL – whether it’s an old belief, a stagnant relationship, or a self-image you’ve outgrown.

Letting go can be difficult. The ego clings to familiarity – even when it causes suffering – but holding on only keeps you stuck. Think of a snake that refuses to shed its skin. It becomes trapped, unable to grow, suffocated by its own resistance to change.

The same is true for us. When we refuse to let go, we stifle our growth. But when we embrace flux, we create space for new possibilities. We allow ourselves to be reshaped by life, to learn, to adapt, to become.

The Art of Building Flow

Living in alignment with flux requires a shift in mindset – here are some principles to guide you:

  1. Recognise the Illusion of Stasis
    Understand that nothing is truly permanent in our human experience (only the truth itself which we are constantly moving towards a deeper understanding of) The sooner you accept this, the less you’ll suffer when things inevitably change and you have to let go of the unreal and move towards the real.
  2. Observe Without Clinging
    Practice observing life and experience – your thoughts, emotions, circumstances – without attaching to them. When you see something as a passing wave rather than a fixed reality, you can engage with it more freely. Always remember that experience is just experience – it only becomes a problem when you cling to it (or your ideas about it).
  3. Be Willing to Adapt
    Like water flowing around rocks, learn to adapt to life’s changes. Flexibility is not weakness; it’s a sign of strength and resilience. It takes strength to let go but the more you let go, the stronger you get.
  4. Let Go with Grace
    Whether it’s a role, a relationship, or an identity, recognise when it’s time to let go. Holding on too tightly only creates tension and this tension creates friction in your life. On a long enough timeline firction turns to frustration and frustration leads to misery. Happiness is often found in letting go and moving with life as it moves through us.
  5. Embrace Growth
    Literally each and every phase of your life offers an opportunity to grow. Whether you’re the novice or the teacher, the confident or the uncertain, lean into the lessons life is offering you. This allows you to keep: 1) Uncovering the Truth, 2) Living the Truth – and, the more you do that, the more REAL life will get.

The Dance of Masks

Throughout your life, you’ll wear many masks. Today, you might be the student, absorbing knowledge and experience. Tomorrow, you might step into the role of teacher, sharing what you’ve learned. One day, you might feel certain and secure; the next, you might feel lost and unsure.

These shifts aren’t failures – they’re part of the dance of life. Each mask serves a purpose for a time, but none of them defines you. When you cling to a mask, you limit yourself. But when you wear it lightly, knowing you can change it when the time comes, you free yourself to fully inhabit the present moment.

Stasis vs. Flow: The Choice We Face

When we cling to stasis, we FORCE life and nothing forced can ever be real:

We try to control outcomes, fit ourselves into predefined roles, and resist the natural ebb-and-flow of existence. This leads to frustration, exhaustion, and a sense of being stuck in the Void because we end up being disconnected from who we really are and what life really is.

But when we embrace flux, we FLOW:

We align ourselves with the rhythms of life, moving with its currents rather than against them. This doesn’t mean we’re passive. On the contrary, flowing with life requires AWARENESS, the courage to ACCEPT life, and a willingness to engage with change by taking ACTION.

(Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – it works every time! Book a call if you’re interested in coaching).

Embracing the Fullness of Life

Flux is not something to fear – it’s something to celebrate. It’s the source of growth, transformation, and possibility. When you accept the fluid nature of life, you free yourself from the need to cling, to control, to resist.

You stop fighting the river and start swimming with it – you discover that life, in all its unpredictability and impermanence is beautiful and you realise that by flowing with it, you become more REAL- not fixed or rigid, but authentic, alive, and fully present.

In this state, you’re no longer stuck – in fact, it’s impossible to be stuck. You’re no longer forcing life; you’re growing, adapting, and experiencing all that life has to offer. You’re moving with the natural flow of your own existence towards wholeness and embracing its fluidity with grace and acceptance.

That’s what makes you REAL.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twelve in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

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