by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
How to Find Real Purpose so You Can Take Real Action, Overcome Anxiety and Depression, and Live Your Actual Life
Most people don’t feel ‘lost’ because they lack talent, opportunity, or intelligence but because they don’t have a real purpose that they’re actually devoted to:
The bottom line is that without a sense of real purpose everything else becomes noise which means that life starts to feel like something that’s happening to you rather than something you’re consciously participating in.
Living like this just ends up making you drift, over-think, overanalyse or get distracted in endless scrolling and planning even though nothing ever truly moves.
This article is about cutting through the noise so you can grow real:
Not by giving you empty motivational slogans but by showing you how to reconnect with what’s already real in your life and start acting from there.
Many of the problems that haunt us in the modern world – like anxiety, depression, feeling stuck, feeling flat, or wondering what the point of it all is – are often not the fundamental problem but the symptoms of something deeper:
They’re all symptoms of taking ourselves out of the natural flow of our lives by losing contact with a real purpose.
When you have a real purpose, you’re not constantly asking, “What should I be doing with my life?” or “What’s the point in anything?” because you already know the direction you need and want to be moving in.
This doesn’t mean that everything is ‘easy’ or comfortable – it just means that whatever happens, you have something to orient yourself around so that you’re able to direct your FOCUS on something that actually matters to you.
It also means that you have a vision, goals, and habits that keep you building momentum and that you’re able to keep growing deeper into realness rather than circling inside your own head and your own ego.
This isn’t about inventing a dramatic identity for yourself or anything like that:
It’s about stripping away the ego distortion and the stories that keep you shrinking from yourself and life, taking yourself out of a state of distraction and resistance, giving up control freakery or false ‘safety’, and starting to act on what you already know to be true.
If you’re ready to start uncovering your purpose, then this one’s for you.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Find Real Purpose: What We'll Cover In This Article
- How to Find Real Purpose so You Can Take Real Action, Overcome Anxiety and Depression, and Live Your Actual Life
- Why a Lack of Real Purpose Feels So Heavy
- Real Purpose Is Not a Label But a Direction
- Real Purpose Step One: Identify the Three Areas That Already Matter
- Real Purpose Step Two: The Six-Month Question
- Creating Real Purpose: Why This Works
- Going Deeper into Real Purpose: Vision, Goals, and Habits
- How Real Purpose Restores Flow
- Ego Versus Realness in Action
- Real Purpose: A Practical Example
- Why Waiting for Certainty Keeps You Stuck
- Real Purpose and Returning to What’s Real
Why a Lack of Real Purpose Feels So Heavy
When people say they feel lost, what they usually mean is that their identity has detached from any sense of real direction:
They may be busy, ‘successful‘ on paper, or constantly “working on themselves” and doing all kinds of deep “inner work” but if they’re not moving towards anything that actually matters to them then it’s all just a big performance and they’ll always be feeling like they’ve lost themselves to the Void.
The truth is that human beings simply aren’t designed for aimless motion and that we’re designed to move towards something. When that is missing, the mind and nervous system start to freak out.
Two of the most common symptoms of not having a real purpose are anxiety and depression:
Of course, these are complex experiences and can sometimes have biological causes but for many people, they are also deeply connected to how they’re choosing to live in either a real or unreal way:
Anxiety: Often arises because we’re taking action that supports our ego rather than our realness.
The ego is the image of ourselves we try to live up to and protect – for example, how we want to be seen, what we think we ‘should’ be, or the version of ourselves that feels acceptable (which means we often limit ourselves for external validation, etc.).
When we organise our lives around this image instead of around truth, we create constant internal friction for ourselves as our unreal self-image keeps colliding with reality itself.
This collision is experienced as anxiety: tension, restlessness, or a general hum of background fear.
Depression: Often appears when movement and growth have stalled.
Human beings are meant to evolve and so emotionally and psychologically, we’re closer to sharks than houseplants which is just a fancy way of saying that if we stop moving, something in us begins to die (when some breeds of shark stop moving they die).
When there’s no real purpose pulling us forward, we flatten and stop feeling alive:
This is because whenever we stop stretching into our edge (the place where our familiar identity meets reality itself), we stop feeling truly alive.
This is why once a real purpose is restored, many depressive symptoms begin to loosen:
It’s because growth returns and we’re once again in contact with something that asks something REAL of us.
Really, almost everything comes back to this.
Mentally: Much of our negative and unreal thinking exists because there’s no clear direction in our lives.
When there’s no sense of real purpose, the mind defaults to the past, to problems, to self-criticism, and to endless analysis.
This is ‘bad’ news because what we focus on grows (and so if we keep focusing on our problems, we just get more problems – if we focus on our purpose, we can grow into that instead).
A mind without a purpose becomes a machine for recycling what already hurts.
Emotionally: Blockages build because we’re not facing what’s actually happening inside ourselves.
A real purpose gives us a reason to face ourselves and also gives emotional pain somewhere to go which means that – instead of being something we avoid – it becomes something we can transmute into growth and action.
Physically: When there’s no direction, motivation collapses and so we stop looking after the basics:
Sleep becomes erratic; movement drops off; nutrition becomes an afterthought, etc. etc. etc.
A real purpose changes this because it demands energy and so you begin to care for your body – not out of vanity or discipline but because you need the capacity to show up for what matters.
This is why purpose is something that’s nice to have – it’s essential for structural integrity in your life:
Without it, the whole system starts to fragment.
Real Purpose Is Not a Label But a Direction
One of the biggest myths is that purpose is something you have to “find” in the abstract – as though it’s some magical hidden object that will just fall out of the sky one day and answer all of your questions and doubts about life.
People wait for clarity to hit them like a lightning bolt and to give them certainty about who they’re supposed to be but this kind of waiting is often just another form of ego avoidance that’s keeping people from REALNESS that’s already (and always) there.
The truth of the matter is that real purpose isn’t a job title or a personality trait but a direction of movement that’s aligned with what’s already real in you.
When you’re devoted to this real direction, taking action becomes much simpler because it’s no longer about protecting an image or avoiding discomfort but about moving in the only way that actually makes sense.
The rest of this article is about starting to figure out your purpose so you can take real action and put yourself back into the flow, instead of remaining stuck because your identity is built on habits, beliefs, and stories that no longer serve you.
The process of doing this doesn’t require years of endless searching.
In fact, you can get started in two simple steps:
Real Purpose Step One: Identify the Three Areas That Already Matter
The first step is not to invent a new life but to look at the three main areas of your life that are already important to you – even if you are not moving forward in them in the way you want.
These might include:
- Your career or contribution to the world
- Your relationship with yourself
- Your physical health and fitness
- A creative project
- Your spiritual or inner life
- Your relationships
- Something you care about in the world (your core values)
- Etc. Etc. Etc.
Don’t overthink this (and you can always change whatever three areas you focus on at a later date) – just know that if something consistently pulls at your attention, frustrates you, or feels unfinished in some way, then it matters to you and it’s worth doing more with.
Write down three areas that you know, honestly, are significant for you – not what should be important but what already is.
Real Purpose Step Two: The Six-Month Question
Now comes the question that cuts through all the ego distortion and BS:
“If I only had six months left to live, what would remain incomplete or unfinished in each of these areas?”
This is not a morbid exercise but a reality-based one:
When time feels unlimited, we drift and postpone or tell ourselves we will get to whatever it is that we really want to be doing “someday” (which is unfortunate because – as the old saying says – someday never comes).
This is one of the most effective ways the ego keeps us stuck: by acting as though there’ll always be more time (when in reality every day is another step towards the end).
When time is limited, the truth becomes obvious so in each of your three areas, ask yourself about how you’re using your time at present:
- What would I regret not having said, done, or created?
- Where have I been avoiding what I know matters?
- What have I been distracting myself from?
You have to be honest here because it’s not about impressing anyone but about seeing clearly and raising your own AWARENESS of yourself, so you can ACCEPT yourself, and then take real ACTION.
What you’ll find is that your real priorities reveal themselves immediately and you’ll see where your time, energy, and attention haven’t been aligned with what actually serves you.
Once you see this, you’ll also see see what action needs to start happening – not someday but NOW.
Creating Real Purpose: Why This Works
The question about what you’d do if you only had six months left to live bypasses the stories your ego tells you about who you are and what’s ‘reasonable’ or ‘acceptable’ and goes straight to the jugular of what’s actually real for you (when you stop hiding from yourself behind ego)..
We become ‘stuck’ because our identity limits our vision and causes us to act as though we have all the time in the world and we make decisions that protect comfort, familiarity, or self-image rather than truth.
When you remove the illusion of endless time, you step out of this unreal way of thinking because you stop living according to “What feels safe?” and start living according to “What actually matters?”.
This shift is the beginning of real over unreal action.
Going Deeper into Real Purpose: Vision, Goals, and Habits
Once you have clarity on what would be unfinished in those three areas, you can begin to structure your life in a way that turns insight into movement.
This starts by looking at each area through three powerful and interrelated lenses:
1. Vision: What would your things look like in a given area if you were living in alignment with what is real? Not perfection or fantasy but the clearest possible picture of what you’re moving towards and who you’re becoming.
2. Goals: What would need to happen over the next six to twelve months to move you meaningfully in that direction? You don’t need a long list of goals – just one or two that actually matter and will have the highest impact.
3. Habits: What are the small, daily or weekly actions that would make those goals inevitable if you were consistent? Which habits will allow you to grow into the person you need to become to attain your vision?
This is where purpose becomes embodied:
Vision gives you direction.
Goals give you structure.
Habits give you traction.
Without habits, purpose stays theoretical – when you commit to them, you start living it and can feel REAL (instead of anxious, depressed, or whatever else you don’t wanna be).
How Real Purpose Restores Flow
When you start acting from real purpose, something subtle but powerful changes:
Mentally, your focus shifts and so instead of obsessing over the past or your perceived flaws, your attention moves towards what you’re building.
Problems still exist, but they are contextualised and so they become part of a process rather than the whole story.
Emotionally, whatever is unresolved in you begins to surface but now it has somewhere to go.
Fear, shame, and resistance are no longer just internal noise and instead they become material for growth which means you can face them not because you ‘should’ but because your purpose requires it.
Physically, your behaviour starts to align:
You move more, you care about regulation, and you start to eat in a way that supports energy rather than numbing you out – not because you’re trying to be ‘disciplined’ but because you’re committed to something that demands your presence.
This is what it means to return to the flow – not a constant feeling of ease but a state of alignment where effort is meaningful and resistance is informative rather than paralysing.
Ego Versus Realness in Action
At the root of being ‘stuck’ in your own life is a simple conflict:
Are you living to protect an image or are you living in the service of what’s actually true?
The ego wants certainty, approval, and comfort..
It wants to avoid looking foolish, failing, or being exposed.
For all these reasons, it keeps you planning instead of doing and analysing instead of committing.
Realness is different:
It’s grounded in what’s actually happening rather than how you want things to appear.
This means that when you act from realness, you might feel some fear, but you’re not governed by it and you don’t let it command you because you’re not trying to be something you’re not because you’re responding to what you know is REAL in you already.
Anxiety often dissolves here because the internal conflict disappears as you’re no longer forcing yourself to live in a way that contradicts your own truth.
Depression often loosens too because movement return, you tap back into the process of growing real, and you’re no longer holding yourself in a state of stasis because your ego got in the way.
Real Purpose: A Practical Example
Imagine one of your three areas in the exercise above is your creative work:
Without purpose, you may think about it constantly while doing very little or you might compare yourself to others, worry about whether it’s “worth it” or wait until some magical day when you feel confident enough.
You ask yourself the six-month question:
If I had six months left, what would remain unfinished?
And perhaps the answer is simple:
I would never have shared what I know I am capable of creating.
This is your signal to start living up to the capabilities of your essence and to start expressing (sharing) it.
Your vision might be: to express something true and meaningful through your work.
Your goal might be: to complete and publish one real piece of work within the next three months.
Your habits might be: ninety minutes of focused creation five days a week – no negotiation.
This isn’t about becoming famous or validated but about about living in alignment with what you know matters.
The same logic applies to your health, your relationships, your inner life, or anything else:
Your real purpose isn’t abstract and it becomes concrete the moment you stop wasting your life and commit to real action.
Check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace if you want to devote yourself to realness and building flow through action.
Why Waiting for Certainty Keeps You Stuck
Many people delay giving themselves permission to live their real lives because they want to be ‘sure’ before they act.
They want the plan to be perfect, the identity to be clear, the outcome to be guaranteed but all of this is just ego disguised as ‘caution’ or ‘preparation’.
Realness does not offer certainty because reality itself isn’t certain – instead, it offers direction and then you learn by moving.
The secret is knowing that clarity always emerges through action – not before it.
If you’re waiting until you feel ‘ready’, you’ll probably be waiting for the rest of your life!
The quickest way to find your purpose is not to think harder about who you are but to start acting on what you already know matters – even if you feel afraid, uncertain, or imperfect.
Purpose is revealed through devotion to your realness.
Real Purpose and Returning to What’s Real
The key point to all of this is this:
We become ‘stuck’ because our identity is limiting our vision and this causes us to live as though time is never going to run out and as though we can postpone what matters – as though protecting comfort is more important than honouring truth.
When we step away from this unreal way of thinking, we step away from ego distortion and so we stop asking how to look right and start asking how to live REAL instead.
When that happens, action becomes simple.
(Not easy…REAL).
If you feel lost, you do not need a new personality or anything extreme – you just need a direction that’s rooted in what already matters to you and the courage to act on it.
Look at the three areas of your life that are already important.
Ask the six-month question.
Tell yourself the truth about what you’ve been avoiding and then choose one concrete action that aligns you with what is real.
Don’t wait for motivation or certainty – just MOVE.
It’s how you become yourself again.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to find real purpose and to put yourself in the zone then book a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you get moving right away.
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.
This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
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