by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Are you living by accident or on purpose?
There’s a common belief that destiny is written in stone – that we’re bound to a fate beyond our control, limited by circumstances, luck, or talent and that there’s nothing we can do about it.
Some of us take this as a call to resignation or passivity – believing we’re only capable of what our comfort zone currently dictates as being true and so never striving beyond the self-imposed borders of what we think is possible (which is always just an extension of the Ego and its fragmented, limiting beliefs).
Thankfully, the truth affords us far more opportunities:
Destiny isn’t something that happens to you (that’s FATE) – it’s the sum of your CHOICES, stacked one on top of the other.
The problems begin when you’re not conscious of those choices and so you risk drifting through life without purpose – pulled by the currents of other people’s expectations and an unreal world rather than the deep forces within you that are rooted in your own REALNESS.
The key to breaking free from this passive relationship with life is simple:
Start focusing on your real purpose.
Real purpose is active; it’s something you live day-after-day and that takes you deeper into reality and wholeness.
When you live with purpose, you’re riding the waves of reality – no matter what fate or destiny might have in store – and navigating towards something real.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Destiny vs Purpose: The Difference That Changes Everything
Many unreal people living lives of quiet desperation (to quote Thoreau) have confused destiny with purpose – they assume that their future is already mapped out and that their only job is to wait for fate to deliver them to the right place.
But here’s the truth:
- Destiny is simply the consequences of your choices: The future isn’t some 100% preordained script – it’s what emerges from the way you think, act, and respond to the world around you.
- Purpose is a conscious decision: It’s the guiding principle that determines the quality and direction of your life. When you live on purpose, you make choices that lead to meaningful outcomes.
People who feel lost and ‘stuck’ in life often aren’t suffering from a disconnection to their destiny (which is impossible) – they’re suffering from a lack of purpose and the direction and growth into realness that comes with it.
Without this sense of purpose, they don’t know what they stand for, what they truly value, or how to direct their energy.
And because of this, they live by accident rather than by design.
Purpose as the Anchor of a Meaningful Life
When you live with purpose, everything shifts and becomes more real:
- Decisions become easier because you have a guiding compass and know where you’re heading overall.
- You build continuous momentum instead of feeling stuck in cycles of doubt and hesitation.
- You stay resilient when challenges arise because you know why you’re moving forward and continue to dissolve unhelpful or unreal emotions like lingering shame (because you get EVIDENCE that your realness presides).
Most people make decisions based on external pressures – what society expects, what seems ‘safe’, or what gets approval from others but purpose flips that process inside out:
Instead of looking to the world for direction, when you have a real purpose, you start from the core of who you are and shape your life from there. You start from the inside-out instead of the outside-in (and your connection to truth/god/wholeness isn’t ‘out there’ in the world).
So how do you find your purpose?
Step 1: Identify Your Core Values
Your purpose isn’t something you invent or ‘achieve’ – it’s something you receive by getting real about what already truly matters to you (so you don’t need to go to the Himalayas to ‘find yourself’ or whatever – you just need to stop running away).
Ask yourself:
- What are the values that define me when I feel most alive?
- What do I offer to the world that few others can or in a way that others can’t?
- How can I make my values valuable to others?
This is crucial because when you live and ACT in alignment with your REAL values (not the ones you picked up and identified with from the world alone), you naturally enter a state of flow. You feel energised, connected, and engaged with life.
Conversely, when you’re out-of-sync with your values, you feel lost, uninspired, and ‘stuck’.
Step 2: Stop Living from the Outside In
Most people are conditioned to build their lives from the outside in – they adopt values, goals, and identities based on what society, family, or culture expects from them but real purpose comes from the inside out.
- Society tells you to build a career. Purpose asks: What actual impact do I want to have?
- Society tells you to be successful in a certain way. Purpose asks: What does ‘success‘ mean to me?
- Society tells you to be liked. Purpose asks: How do I need to show up in life so I actually respect myself?
The mistake many people make is chasing external validation rather than internal truth and building on a solid foundation:
They focus on developing ‘skills’ and ‘personality’ first and foremost rather than character and qualities (though we still need to develop skills to be good at what our vision requires of us) – which is why so many end up feeling empty and getting lost to the Void despite outward ‘success’.
Purpose doesn’t mean you do whatever you ‘feel’ like the time – it means you align your actions with what matters most, even when it’s difficult.
You stop living reactively and start living intentionally because you know that feelings are temporary fragments but what’s real is always real (see any of my books for more on this idea).
Step 3: Ride the Reality Waves
Life is unpredictable and even with a strong purpose, you will face obstacles – this is where most people get it wrong:
They see setbacks as signs that they’re ‘off track’ or that destiny is against them in some way. In reality, setbacks are just reality waves – the natural push-and-pull of existence.
All we need to do is keep riding the waves that come towards wherever it is that our purpose is asking us to take ourselves.
When you stay outcome-independent -focusing on showing up and doing the work rather than obsessing over specific results – you free yourself from disappointment and frustration because you stay alive in the process of real life, rather than getting caught up your ideas about your goals and what outcomes might ‘mean’ to you.
- If things go your way, great – keep moving forward.
- If they don’t, adjust your approach but stay committed to your path and learn to be more REAL in the process.
You’re not meant to control the waves; you’re meant to learn how to ride them.
Living on Purpose: Practical Implementation
To start bringing more purpose into your life, try these three steps to get started (book a call with me if you want to go deeper):
1. Define Your Non-Negotiables
What are the real values you will never compromise on? Write down the 3–5 principles that shape how you want to live.
For example:
- Authenticity – I refuse to pretend to be someone I’m not.
- Integrity – I do what I say I’ll do.
- Courage – I make decisions based on what’s real, not what’s easy.
These non-negotiables become your personal code of conduct and guide your decisions and priorities moving forward.
2. Take Small but Meaningful Action Daily
Purpose isn’t just about knowing what matters – it’s about acting in alignment with it by DOING what matters.
- If you value creativity, write, draw, or make something every day.
- If you value connection, reach out to someone you care about.
- If you value growth, challenge yourself with something new.
Your real identity isn’t what you think you are – it’s what you DO.
Even the smallest actions build momentum over time and will allow the results to compound on themselves to create a life that reflects your realness.
3. Commit to Process Over Perfection
Many people hesitate to pursue their purpose because they’re waiting for the perfect plan or the right moment before they get start. But purpose isn’t something you figure out in theory – it’s something you refine through action.
Learn to develop an attitude that allows you to LEARN BY DOING:
- Take a step, then adjust.
- Stay curious.
- Allow yourself to evolve.
- Rinse and repeat.
Perfection is an illusion – process is where growth happens.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Living on Purpose
Most people drift through life waiting for destiny to ‘happen’ to them – they let external forces dictate their path, never realising they’re capable of so much more.
When you CHOOSE to live with purpose, everything gets more REAL:
- You move from passive to active.
- You build a life that reflects your true values.
- You learn to ride the waves rather than fear them.
Destiny isn’t a script you follow but something you create through the decisions you make every single day.
So the question isn’t “what is my fate?” – it’s “what am I choosing to do with my life?“
The answer to that determines everything.
Stay real out there,
*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twenty eight in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.
This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
It has monthly, weekly, and daily (morning and evening) check-ins, tools and reflections to keep you in the zone and keep you flowing with zest and momentum.
If you want to get unstuck and grow REAL then check it out.
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