by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Real life is always moving – move with it to grow REAL.
The human experience is one of perpetual movement. Beneath every concept or label we assign to events- happiness, success, failure, or even misery – there lies an invisible yet undeniable truth: these outcomes are not singular, isolated happenings but the cumulative results of ongoing processes.
To understand life more fully and align ourselves with reality, we must shift our perspective from viewing life as a series of disconnected events to embracing it as a continual process.
This shift in mindset is transformative. When we begin to see ourselves as active participants in a dynamic flow, rather than passive recipients of random events, we unlock a world of possibility and TRUTH. In this article, we’ll explore why this distinction between process and event is not only crucial but deeply empowering, particularly when it comes to crafting a meaningful, value-driven life.
Events Are Illusions; Processes Are Real
In a world enamoured with instant gratification, we are often led to believe that ‘success’ or ‘failure’ occurs in a single moment:
A standing ovation, a lottery win, or even losing your job can feel like isolated events. But these “events” are merely the visible peaks of the processes that have been shaping them for weeks, months, or even years.
Take the concept of ‘success’ as an example. Let’s say your goal is to write a novel. If you spend your evenings scrolling social media or binge-watching old sitcoms, you are not contributing to the process required to achieve your goal. Success doesn’t miraculously arrive on your doorstep; it is earned through small, consistent actions that align with your vision. Similarly, ‘failure’ isn’t a singular moment of misfortune – it’s often the cumulative result of neglect, distraction, or misalignment with one’s purpose.
What’s crucial to understand here is that no single event will change your life. At best, an event can catalyse a shift, but lasting transformation comes from the processes you consciously cultivate conistently over time. This is why real growth involves treating life as an ever-evolving journey rather than a series of destinations and taking REAL ACTION every day.
The Process-Driven Life: Two Types of “Busy”
Every moment of your life represents an opportunity cost, a decision between one of two types of ‘busy’:
- Distracting yourself from reality.
- Actively working to create something real.
The first type of busy is rooted in avoidance, ego resistance, and distortion. You may fill your days with tasks, errands, or entertainment, but if these activities don’t align with your deeper values and purpose, you are merely treading water and keeping yourself where you don’t want to be. The second type, however, involves dedicating your time and energy to a process that brings you closer to your authentic self and goals and – as a consequence – your REALNESS.
Your Personal Revolution begins when you choose the second type of busy. This doesn’t mean working relentlessly without pause, but rather ensuring that your daily actions are intentional and aligned with your long-term vision for wholeness. Every choice you make either contributes to or detracts from your real life.
Processes Shape Your Mindset
Thinking in terms of processes doesn’t just influence your actions; it also reshapes your thoughts and beliefs. A process-oriented mindset encourages resilience and adaptability. When things don’t go as planned, you don’t need to abandon your goals; you simply need to adjust your approach based on what you’ve LEARNED.
This mindset also helps you cultivate what psychologists refer to as an internal locus of control – the belief that you are responsible for shaping your own life and that you’re a CAUSE more than an EFFECT. By focusing on the processes you can control, you move away from a reactive, victim-like stance and towards a proactive, empowered and REAL way of being.
For example, if you’re striving for ‘happiness’, recognise that happiness isn’t an event you can arrive at, like a train pulling into a station. It’s the result of an ongoing process – choosing actions, habits, and thoughts that align with your values and bring fulfilment. The same applies to creativity, success, or any other ideal you might aspire to embody.
Navigating Two Key Processes: Necessary and Symbolic
To live a process-driven life, it’s helpful to understand that your existence unfolds across two overlapping realms: the Necessary and the Symbolic.
1. The Necessary Process
This process encompasses the immutable aspects of life – the cards you’ve been dealt and the constraints of reality. These might include your genetics, upbringing, or external circumstances. While you can’t change these factors, you can choose how to respond to them.
For example, ageing is part of the Necessary Process. You can’t stop the clock, but you can engage in processes that maximise your health, vitality, and quality of life within the bounds of time.
2. The Symbolic Process
This process involves the ideals, values, and aspirations that give your life meaning. It’s the realm of potential, where you can influence your future by aligning your actions with your vision.
The challenge is to bridge these two processes: to accept the unchangeable realities of the Necessary while striving to bring the best of the Symbolic into being. When you strike this balance, you align yourself with realness – the ability to live authentically and meaningfully within the flow of life.
Real Life Is a Process, Not an Event
One of the most liberating truths about reality is that everything is in flux. Nothing is static. Happiness, success, or creativity aren’t fixed destinations; they exist along a continuum, constantly changing as you move through life.
This means you are already whatever it is you aspire to be and become – you just need to amplify it and close the gap through action. For example, if you want to become ‘successful’, recognise that you already embody the potential for success. Every step you take in alignment with your goals brings you closer to that reality. The key is to keep moving and learning.
Here’s the bottom line: if you’re not moving, you’re not being real. Stasis in the human experience is an illusion (though what’s real is always real), often created by the Ego’s desire to cling to comfort and certainty. Life, by its very nature, is a process of becoming. The more you embrace this, the less you’ll feel trapped by the illusion of stasis and our attachment to concepts.
Turning Up the Volume on Realness
To thrive in a process-driven life, you must dedicate yourself daily to actions that align with your values.
This involves:
- Clarifying your vision. What do you truly want to create or achieve? Define your goals in a way that reflects your deepest values.
- Committing to consistent action. Break your goals down into manageable steps and haits and take deliberate action every day.
- Adapting to change. Life is dynamic, and so are you. Be willing to adjust your process as circumstances evolve.
Remember, realness isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. It’s about narrowing the gap between where you are and where you need to be, moment by moment.
Process Thinking in Practice: A Case Study
Let’s say your goal is to improve your fitness. If you view fitness as an event – something you’ll achieve after a single workout or diet plan – you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. But if you see it as a process – a lifelong commitment to movement, nutrition, and self-care – you create the conditions for lasting success.
The same principle applies to relationships, creativity, or personal growth (or literally anything else): when you focus on the process rather than the outcome, you free yourself from the pressure of instant results and allow for organic, sustainable progress.
The Beauty of Becoming
Ultimately, thinking in terms of processes rather than events helps you align with the reality of a world in flux. It teaches you to embrace the journey so you can enjoy it rather than fixating on the destination and feeling ‘bad’ abou things.
Life itself is a process, and every moment presents an opportunity to contribute to its unfolding into realness.
So, what are you waiting for? Dive into the process of becoming more real. Take deliberate action, adapt to change, and keep moving forward. The world will move with you – or without you. The choice, as always, is yours.
Stay real out there,
*Based on ‘Revolution’ number eight in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
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