Posts about cultivating a REAL mindset so you can get better RESULTS from yourself and life.

Emotional Manipulation & Blackmail: How to Stop Being Played & Stay REAL


If you don’t read this article, then you’re a terrible human being.

Oh, hi there.

Before we get started with all this, I just want to say that if you don’t read this article, then you’re a terrible human being:

You’re holding back the human race. Your degeneracy and immoral attitude towards life is ultimately ruining society.

And it’s people like you that make life way more difficult than it needs to be.

For the rest of us – the ‘good’ people out here in the world – who are just going about our business being real and so on and so forth….

Oh, wait a second. All of the things I just said were complete horsesh*t. It was my attempt to emotionally manipulate or blackmail you, into reading the rest of this long ass article – that’s because this (emotional manipulation and blackmail) is the theme of what follows.

If you read it, you’re going to become more aware of all of the emotional manipulation going on in the world and in your life, and – more importantly – I’m going to help you to become immune to it by giving you an inoculation, metaphorically speaking, so that you can stop buying into all that bs, stop being manipulated, and live a real life without unnecessary drama and nonsense.

Let’s have at it.

Emotional manipulation involves taking total responsibility for someone else’s feelings.

So before we get into the heavier stuff, let’s begin with a really simple definition of what we mean by emotional manipulation and/or blackmail, which are basically the same thing:

Emotional manipulation and blackmail is any instance of somebody else trying to make you take total responsibility for their feelings, their choices, their expectations, and ideas by turning your feelings against you.

Normally the feelings they’re going to “turn against you” are most likely to be fear, guilt and shame, and they’ll control you by creating some unreal standard of how you should behave, of how you should be, how you should feel.

If you don’t act according to this unreal standard – which is just something that they pulled out of their ass so that they can maintain their ego and not have to change or grow in life – then they’re going to put you on a guilt trip, they’re going to punish you, they’re going to basically make your life a living hell because they want you to take their feelings as your own and be responsible for them, when actually that is total nonsense (because at the end of the day, we’re all responsible for our own feelings).

If you have some kind of unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ inside you (again, usually SHAME) that makes you take on board that responsibility, then you’re going to get caught up in the cycle of being emotionally manipulated. And if you want to put an end to that, you need to ask yourself why you’re buying into it. That’s what we’re about to do.

So in this article, we’re really just going to explore why you would accept that responsibility for somebody else’s feelings and choices etc., and why you would live up or try to live up to their unrealistic standards that they have just created in order to control you in the first place (so that they can stay the same and they can watch you dance through hoops and do a whole song and dance, trying to please them so they can feel powerful).

Ultimately, that’s what this is all about: a power dynamic. And the only way that you end up giving away your power is by getting detached from your own realness, your own truth about yourself, and starting to believe some unreal nonsense that can only really belong to your ego.

And so if you can step back from your own ego ‘stuff’ and you can start to see clearly again, then you’re ultimately going to be able to stop feeding into other people’s egos, and that’s going to allow the whole house of cards to fall down.

The only reason that emotional manipulation works is because at some level, you’re choosing to be manipulated. And normally, that’s just so you don’t have to feel uncomfortable – i.e. it’s so you can feel the familiar buzz of being who you currently think you, are.

But if you’re being manipulated, then whatever it is that you think you are is unreal.

And so what you need to do is to flip the script, start being real again, and get your power back; when you do this, you remove the power over whoever it is in your life that’s manipulating you with all of this ‘stuff’.

Now, the bottom line, for the record, is that nobody is responsible for their own feelings and choices apart from themselves.

Except maybe in extreme cases, of course – if somebody’s holding a gun to your head, maybe they can coerce you and make you choose something that you don’t want.

But on a day to day basis, we are all responsible for our own feelings and our own choices.

And that means that anytime somebody tries to pass that ownership on to you, instead of owning their own feelings and choices, you have a choice to make:

You can either stop it in its tracks, or you can try and take it because of your own ego ‘stuff’ and your need to feel approval or love or whatever it is that you think you’re going to get by taking it on board.

In that moment – when you have that choice to make – that is where you have the opportunity to step into your power.

Accepting this fact of life – that we’re all responsible for our own choices and our own feelings – doesn’t mean that we should go around purposely trying to upset people or ruin their lives by upsetting them. It just means that if we’ve been real and we’re going about our lives the best way that we can, chasing our values and our true intentions and all that kind of stuff, we probably will upset at least one or two people along the way (purely because we all have different needs and agendas which is totally fine and healthy).

But as long as we’re not doing that intentionally, we don’t have to fall into the trap of being controlled when people are upset with us being on a real path whilst they’re getting worked up over something unreal in their minds – I’m just putting that out there because even though we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, we don’t need to purposely annoy people.

But at the same time, we don’t need to get so worked up and upset if we do upset somebody that we allow ourselves to be manipulated.

Emotional manipulation is basically when people try to make you own things that aren’t yours.

So now I’m going to give you three examples of the most common types of emotional manipulation.

Once you’re aware of these, you’re going to see them all over the place because a lot of people are coming at life from a place of ego and they don’t even know that they’re manipulating other people – it’s just a survival mechanism that they’ve picked up to be able to cope in life and get the results that they think want.

And so a lot of the time it’s automatic. It’s not like people are just evil or anything like that. It’s just something that they do because they’ve always done it.

But anyway, as we already said, emotional manipulation is basically when people try and make you own things that aren’t yours, like their feelings and choices, or when they try and get you to be something that you’re not and that you can never be, because what they’re asking you to be is some unreal thing that they’ve concocted because of their own ego stuff and their desire to keep the ego where it is and to not have to face their own stuff and grow real.

So here’s the three examples:

Example #1: Feelings

The first example of emotional manipulation is the feelings thing. It shows up like this:

Somebody will say to you, “If you don’t watch read this article that I wrote, if you don’t walk my dog, if you don’t, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I’m going to be really upset, I’m going to be really angry, I’m going to kill myself, I’m going to jump off a bridge” or whatever it is.

This is their attempt to persuade you that you are responsible for their feelings and what they do with those feelings.

Now if you’re the kind of person who has been conditioned to please everybody, i.e. you’re a people pleaser or a nice guy, whatever you want to call it, this is going to work on you because the most horrifying thing that you can imagine is making somebody feel negative emotions.

Actually, if you put yourself in the position of being responsible for this person’s feelings, or, even worse, show them that you actually will take responsibility by walking their dog or reading their stupid articles so they don’t jump off a bridge, etc. then you’re actually showing them that they can control you in that way.

When you look around you’ll see that this type of manipulation is everywhere:

It comes from our parents, sometimes it comes from our siblings, it comes from our friends -but at the end of the day, you are not responsible for anybody’s feelings except your own.

So even if they do get upset, even if they’re angry, or whatever then it’s not because of something you could or couldn’t do differently, but because of the choices they’re making about their own feelings.

Even in the absolute worst possible case of them going to jump off a bridge, it’s not because you didn’t walk their dog or whatever; it’s because – at some level – they just wanted to do that, which I know sounds really harsh, but the point is that you’re not responsible for their feelings. And if they try and make you feel that way, well…you just got manipulated.

Example #2: Choices

The second example of how manipulation and blackmail of this type shows up is around choices.

It takes place when somebody makes a choice that’s maybe not the best choice, and instead of taking responsibility for it, they try and find a way to blame you.

So maybe, for example, you go for lunch with a friend and they’re on a diet or wherever it is, and during the lunch, they end up just eating loads of calories and going away from the diet plan that they’re on.

After the meal, they start blaming you:

“Oh, my God, I can’t believe you let me order that on the menu. Like, you know, I’m on a diet and blah, blah, blah.”

Or maybe you got another friend who is trying not to drink alcohol, and, you go out and they have a few pints, and then the next day, well, it’s your fault because you let it happen.

Now, maybe you could have tried to talk them out of it if you so desired, but ultimately, that choice was theirs. And as soon as you let them put you on a guilt trip for the choice that they made, well, again… you just got manipulated.

As soon as you start kind of trying to pacify these kinds of people –  or put an argument forward as to why you let it happen or why you wish you didn’t let it happen or you show that you feel bad about it or whatever – well, congratulations…you’ve just been manipulated again.

Example #3: Being

The third form of this kind of emotional manipulation is sometimes quite subtle, but it’s also very common, and it happens all over the place.

This is the kind of manipulation I’ve already alluded to where somebody pulls an unrealistic standard out of their bee-hind and then they use that standard against you, even though it’s just something that they concocted because of their own ego.

Once they’ve conjured up this standard, they try and use it as a sort of box that they want you to live in so that they can keep you under control and so that they stay the same (they need the box to avoid facing their own ‘stuff’) – ultimately, what we’re talking about here is a kind of control freakery.

We can safely say that these people are control freaks because they’re filtering life through the ego and the only way that their ego can maintain its hold over them is if you voluntarily put yourself in this kind of a box so that they can stay in their comfort zone.

Ultimately, the way that this box takes shape by demanding that you be something that you’re not.

Three really common examples or, areas where this happens are in relationships, friendships and at work.

So, for example, in relationships, your partner might say, “Right, if you don’t remember every single little detail of my life, then you don’t love me” – and ultimately that’s impossible because nobody can remember every single little detail of somebody’s life (and doing so has nothing to do with love but how good your memory is).

As soon as you buy into this idea and trying living up to it as though it’s actual reality, well, you’re putting yourself up for all kinds of guilt trips. They’re going to be able to control you. They’re going to say, “Well, because you don’t remember every little detail of my life and you don’t love me, you’re going to have to walk my dog and you’re going to have to do this, you’re going to have to do that.”

It’s all bs though and it only maintains its hold over you because you choose to let it.

In friendships, they might say something like, “If you don’t lend me £1000 (or whatever) you’re not a real friend” – and the box, ultimately, is shaped by this definition of “a real friend”.

That’s what all of these kinds of thing are about in relation to how you should “be”:

They create a label that is ultimately a mask for all kinds of bs that you can never live up to but that you’re required to live up to in order to receive emotional validation. If you don’t know that you can give yourself this validation then you’ll be ensnared in the trap.

That’s really the whole point of these labels and ‘standard’ from the POV of the manipulator/blackmailer:

You’re not supposed to be able to live up to it because if you can, they’re not going to have anything to moan about and manipulate you with.

Anyway, so, in the ‘friendship’ thing, this kind of manipulation shows up like this:

“If you don’t call me every night and listen to me talk about all my problems nonstop, you’re not a real friend.”

“If you don’t drop all of your plans, you’re not a real friend.”

Basically, the box is the idea of a “real friend” and they can come up with all kinds of highfalutin ideas about what it means to live in that box. But actually, you don’t want to live in the box. That’s the whole point. You want to get out of it.

The third thing is, third example here is at work, your boss might say, “If you don’t work on a Saturday, then you’re not going to get that promotion. You’re not a good employee”, or “If you don’t stay and do overtime, even though it’s not in your contract, then you obviously don’t care about this place, and you’re not part of the family here in the workplace, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah”.

It’s all nonsense. They’re saying that you should be a certain thing so that you can live up to their standards and climb into another one of those ‘boxes’.

As soon as you try to be whatever that is, instead of realising that it’s just pure nonsense and refusing to feed into it, then you’ve been manipulated.

In all of these cases, emotional manipulation only works if you let it – whether it’s about taking responsibility for their feelings, their choices, or trying to live up to being some unreal standard just so that their ego can maintain its hold over them, the solution in all cases is the same, and it’s very simple:

Don’t feed into it with your own ego.

The only reason you’d buy into this kind of manipulation is because your ego is causing you to believe something unreal, and so, the solution, as always – because “REAL ALWAYS WORKS” – is to step back, find your realness, and to ground yourself in something true.

And as soon as you do that, you’re no longer pouring gasoline on the fire by allowing your ego to meet their ego.

Now, often if you resist – in fact, usually if you resist – the next level after the initial manipulation is that they’re going to try and punish you:

They might make threats or they might give you the silent treatment. They might call you all kinds of names. They might constantly put you on a guilt trip and try to make you feel bad.

We could fill a whole thick book with examples of the kind of punishment that these manipulators are going to try and enforce upon you if you don’t buy into the manipulation… but in all cases, the solution is the same and it’s simply to just not feed into it.

As soon as somebody gives you the silent treatment, for example, and you start chasing after them and trying to beseech them and get down on your knees and beg that they start talking to you again, all you’ve done is managed to show them that the manipulation is working.

In other words, any attempts to appease them by giving them what they want is only going to make the situation worse.

So let’s take a quick look at how by just being REAL you can give yourself an immunization to the emotional manipulation and black by not feeding it.

Don’t feed the Gremlin.

“Do not feed the gremlin” – this is the lesson to remember next.

The solution to the problem of emotional manipulation is always to find your realness again.

I know that sounds simplistic, but the only way that you can be manipulated is because you had a moment of being unreal that taught whoever is manipulating you how to press your buttons – and if you have a button that can be pressed, it simply means that you have some unresolved shame or guilt – or even trauma (in the most extreme cases) – around something that whenever it’s pressed causes you to react in an unreal way.

The mechanics behind this are simple:

Every time that button is pressed, it’s ultimately just causing your emotions to send your ego kicking into gear – once this has been triggered you’re going to feed into the ego dance between yourself and the manipulator where you’re engaged in the power battle we talked about for being responsible for their feelings, their choices, and being whatever it is that they say you should be – so that they can finally approve of you and make you feel good (when if you focus on being REAL, you can naturally feel good about yourself anyway without them giving you the approval and validation and all that kind of stuff).

And so, what I’m saying is that you need to take the power back by realising that the only person who can press your buttons is you – and you can only do that by facing the underlying emotional ‘stuff’ that is causing those buttons to be ‘pressable’ in the first place.

There are a few strategies here that can help you in relation to these emotional manipulators and they’re all very simple:

The overarching strategy is what I’ve already said:

Don’t feed the Gremlin.

If you realise that somebody is emotionally manipulating you, then the best thing to do is to ignore them. If somebody is giving you the silent treatment, for example, ignore them right back until they cool off and come back.

Let them go off and be silent and brood and do whatever it is that they’re doing – just don’t chase after them. That’s the worst thing you can do.

If somebody is giving you the whole spiel about how if you don’t do a certain thing, then you’re not a “good friend” or a “good lover” or a “good employee” or whatever else, let them think that and don’t be shaken from yourself.

“So be it. Okay, then. I’m not a good lover. I’m not a good friend. I’m not a good employee. Oh, my God, the world is going to crumble around me.”


(Because the standard that they’re holding you accountable to is not real).

And so, ultimately, this is always the best policy: Just ignore them. Let them get on with it.

Don’t feed the Gremlin.

That will show you that they actually have no power over you – because by ignoring it, you’re kind of going to flip the script.

If they really do care about you, deep down, they’re going to have to come back to you and change the whole dynamic of the relationship by communicating in a different way and looking at how their behaviour is only serving their ego and not the relationship.

If they don’t? Well, remember the sacred mantra:

“Gimme something REAL or GTFO”.

So that’s the ultimate way to avoid the manipulation. Just ignore it and don’t feed that gremlin.

If you got some ego stuff going on, that’s going to be hard. You’re going to have a little voice in your head saying, “Oh, help me Lord, I can’t believe I’m ignoring this person. I’m a bad person”.

Or, you’ll have another niggling voice saying, “Oh, Heaven’s above, what if I am a bad lover? What if I am a bad friend?”

No. That voice is your conditioning but you’ve confused it for your conscience. It’s the ego.

If you’re coming from a place of wholeness and you care about that person and you’re there for them, but you still care about yourself and your own life, that doesn’t make you a bad anything – it means you have healthy boundaries (shock! horror!).

You’re a human being, and there’s no point trying to live up to these UNREAL standards that people create so that they can manipulate you for their own shame-driven reasons (don’t judge them, though, just ignore them and don’t feed the gremlin)!

YouTube player
This article is based on a transcript from this video on my YouTube Channel.

You can set boundaries or walk away if someone is manipulating you.

The other two things that you can do are:

One, you can just say “No!” and set the boundaries.

Boundaries always begin by saying “No” to the unreal ‘stuff’ and “Yes” to the REAL.

You might have to say it a few times but eventually they’ll get the message…

There’s a famous technique in assertiveness training called the ‘Broken Record Technique’ where you literally just say the same line every time.

So if somebody says to you, for example, “Go walk my dog or I’m going to jump off a bridge”, you can say, “Well, look, I really don’t want you to jump off a bridge because I love you and I care about you, but I’m not going to walk your dog right now because I have to go focus on my own thing and do some yoga or whatever.”

Then they’ll come back at you with more manipulation, “Oh, you don’t love me, blah, blah, blah. You want me to jump off a bridge”.

Just say the same thing (like a broken record):

“Well, actually I really don’t want you to jump off a bridge because I really love you and I think you’re an amazing person. But I have to go do this other thing right now. Sorry about that.”

The other thing you can do is to remember the super ultimate mantra that comes into play in all relationships, which is the one I mentioned above:

“Gimme something real or GTFO”.

If somebody is only ever manipulating you and your attempts to not buy into it or to set boundaries don’t work, then you’re actually allowed to just walk away.

And maybe when you do walk away, they’ll reflect and they’ll realise that they need to change their way of doing things – or maybe you’ll never see them again, but it’s better to be alone than in unreal company.

If you know that and you have an abundance mindset – which means you can understand there are other opportunities out there and that you don’t have to put up with this kind of treatment – life gets way easier and more real as you’ll remove unnecessary drama from your life.

So in the face of manipulation and blackmail you can either:

  1. Ignore it by remembering not to feed the gremlin and so it loses it’s power.
  2.  You can say “No” and set boundaries (which may make things worse depending on the person).
  3. You can just GTFO and go find someone who actually appreciates you and isn’t going to manipulate you.

Three reasons why people may not step into their realness in the face of emotional manipulation:

So I want to finish this article with three main reasons why people may not step into their realness and end this cycle of manipulation that they may have found themselves in.

These are really common reasons, and if you understand them, it’s going to give you that awareness to be able to make that choice to step into something real and not keep going around in circles trying to please somebody who can never ever be pleased.

The bottom line with all this is that manipulators and blackmailers can’t be pleased – they’re a black hole of shame that has consumed them:

They don’t want to be pleased. They want to manipulate you so they can feel powerful – and if you understand that, it’s going to make it easier to step into your realness and be who you need to be.

The first reason that stops a lot of people ending this cycle of emotional manipulation is that they have unresolved shame and guilt themselves (they’re shame-driven people, ultimately, and so they don’t know how to be real because the opposite of realness is ego which is always fuelled by shame).

If you have guilt, you’re going to be really easy to control, because guilt is ultimately just a useless case of some external voice infiltrating our brains and telling us that there’s something wrong with us because we’re not doing this or we’re not doing that (shame, in contrast, is about there something ‘wrong’ with your being itself – always unreal!).

If you’re carrying guilt like this, then you’re ultimately going to have buttons that can be pressed.

And it’s the same with shame:

If you have feelings of worthlessness or that you’re not good enough, it means that you don’t accept yourself and that you’re avoiding something inside your experience of who you are that’s causing these buttons to be ‘pressable’ in the first place. And so actually, the solution is to face those unresolved emotions.

Normally, what happens when people face them, they finally (after years of avoidance) just look at them head on, is they dissolve. It’s the resistance that causes them to linger in the first place. And we resist them by hiding behind our own egos.

As soon as we take the ego out of the equation and we take a good long look at what’s going on inside us, those buttons can no longer be pressed, because the buttons mean that we’re resisting something.

When we turn inwards and we face the truth about who we are, we are going to be way less likely to be ‘manipulatable’, because people will still try and press the buttons, but – like I said earlier – we now realise that the power of the button is in our hands.

That’s the most important thing to remember:

You can only be manipulated if your buttons can be pressed; your buttons can only be pressed if you’re resisting something; the power to face things is always in your hands.

So you can avoid all kinds of external ‘button pressing’ by staying grounded in your realness and by understanding what’s making those buttons ‘pressable’ in the first place.

All you need to do is start finding ways to make whatever you’re resisting dissolve, which always means bringing the truth into our lives, allowing the unconscious to become conscious.

Once you do this, you’ll be free of your own inner fragmentation whilst also being free of the external fragmentation in the form of these relationships where you get endlessly manipulated until you reclaim your power.

The second thing that stops people from staying real – being grounded in their realness in the face of these emotional manipulators, and either ignoring what they’re doing (ignoring the silent treatment, for example, or walking away, or setting a boundary) – is a fear of conflict.

They’re worried that if they go back to being real, then the unreal person in this situation – the emotional manipulator –  is going to do something that the real person, or the person trying to break the cycle, can’t tolerate – or is going to cause them to be in a situation where they feel lonely, or they feel bad about themselves, or whatever it is.

When this happens it’s actually just a sign that you (the person being manipulated/blackmailed in this scenario) don’t have an abundance mindset.

For example, maybe you’re in a relationship and somebody is constantly manipulating you and you’ve tried to set the boundary or whatever it is, and you’re ready to step up – to actually call them out on it – but you’re worried that they’re going to end the relationship if you do.

Well… that’s because you have a scarcity mindset.

An abundance mindset would show you that if they do end the relationship, maybe that’s for the best.

Because why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that’s manipulating you all the time, even after you set boundaries and expressed what’s REAL to you?

It’s the same with a friendship:

If you have a friend who’s always taking the p*ss and trying to send you on a guilt trip or whatever it is…

Maybe, for example, you call attention to it and they say, “Right, that’s it, F you, I’m not your friend anymore” and they disappear.

Is this a ‘bad’ thing or have they just done you a favour?

The same with a job:

Obviously, jobs and our ability to pay the bills and stuff are intertwined – but, at the end of the day, if you tell your boss that you’re sick of this emotional manipulation and he says, “Right, that’s it – you’re fired!”

Well, s/he’s just done you a favour as well – but if you have a scarcity mindset, you’re not going to realise that you can go replace these things – your unreal relationships, ‘friendships’, employment situations, or whatever they are – and because you’re probably replacing them with something better or more REAL, well…it’s nothing to worry about.

It just means some short term discomfort as you rearrange the fabric of your life and go from unreal to real.

The third main reason that stops people from breaking the cycle of emotional manipulation by being real is that they actually have empathy and compassion for the person manipulating them.

Now, empathy and compassion, we all like those things, right?

Obviously, it’s very important to have them.

But in this case of dealing with an emotional manipulator, empathy and compassion are actually your enemies. They just make the situation worse.

For example, if you start telling yourself a story like “this person is manipulating me because they had a difficult childhood”, or “they’re going through a lot of stress at the moment”, or whatever it is, you’re actually making your life more difficult, because by doing that, it’s going to change your thinking and feeling in that way is going to change your behaviour towards the person and you’re going to cave into the manipulations.

In a strange way, the empathy and compassion are just going to make you more easy to manipulate in this kind of scenario.

What you need to do is remind yourself that manipulators are human beings too:

We can have sympathy for them and understand that, “Okay, life is difficult and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah”, but we need to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and so if you’re putting them before yourself in this situation, you’re just going to keep being manipulated because you’re showing them that you are going to submit to them and their manipulations.  In other words, the cycle is never going to end.

This doesn’t make you a ‘bad’ person. It just means you may have to be a little bit emotionally reserved so that you don’t give into their ego ‘stuff’ and whatever sob story comes with it because – the moment that you do – you’re giving your power over to them.

None of this is to say that we shouldn’t be compassionate in life – it just means that in this particular case, if you’re too compassionate towards someone that’s manipulating you, you’re just giving them permission to keep doing it.

So that’s ultimately all I need to say for now:

Emotional manipulation is a power struggle. “Power” is the key word because the only way that you can give away your power is by giving into illusions, which means that your ego is in control instead of your realness.

As soon as you do that, you meet the ego of the manipulator with your own ego because of your own unconscious shame and guilt and trauma and all these kind of things, then you’re just going to keep this cycle, this dance of emotional manipulation going by feeding the gremlin.

You can end the cycle at any time by just being real and not feeding into it – but to do that, you have to really be grounded in your realness because the manipulator is going to challenge you:

They’re going to try and make things worse. They’re going to push those buttons more and more and more.

But if you just stay real and you stay grounded, it’s almost impossible to be manipulated.

After reading this (long ass) article you know that there’s people trying to make you responsible for their feelings and their choices – or that they’re trying to get you to be something you never can be.

You’re going to see this all over the place. And it’s not just between people in ‘real’ life:

You turn on the TV, someone’s going to be manipulating you; you’re scrolling through your social media, some influencer is going to be trying to manipulate you – it’s everywhere.

But no matter where you’re experiencing this, it’s always the same:

You’re either being unreal because your ego is feeding into it, or you’ve been real and you can just keep flowing and do your own thing without any of this bs holding you back – making you feel bad, or just getting in the way of living a real life and being who you really are – not who they’re demanding that you to be because of their own ‘stuff’.

Stay real out there,

If you want to grow into your REALNESS then either book a call with me or sign-up for my free 7-Day course in REALNESS and life purpose.

Enter your email to join my mailing list and get the course login and workbook:

Embracing WRONGNESS: How Being ‘Wrong’ Can Set You Right


Being ‘wrong’ may be exactly what you’re looking for…this article will help you understand why.

Oh, hi there.

In this article, we’re going to explore how being ‘wrong’ is actually a good thing that can free you from the ideas you hold about yourself that are holding you back from life so that you can evolve into your REALNESS and the person that you were born to be

When you truly embrace being ‘wrong’ in this way, you can step into your potential, have better relationships with other people, and feel the sense of tranquillity and peace that comes from letting go of the need to control everything through being ‘right’ all the time.

When you embrace being ‘wrong’ in this way, you’ll find that you’re not constantly forcing life through control freakery and manipulation in an attempt to bend everything to your will, (which is probably wrong anyway) and you can just relax into you true humanity – in other words, you can just allow yourself to be a REAL human being who is limited in understanding and is humble enough to not attempt to be omniscient omnipotent (that’s EGO).

So the short-version of all this is that if you can just get over yourself – sorry to say – and start being ‘wrong’, I can pretty much guarantee that life is going to be way better because you’re going to be aligned with REALITY instead of forcing yourself against it and bringing unnecessary friction, frustration, and misery into your life.

Let’s go.

Socrates: “I know that I know nothing”.

So somebody like me popping up and saying that we should be wrong isn’t actually a new thing. That’s because “there is nothing new under the sun” and the human condition has always been the human condition as long as human beings have been around – and not one of us mortals – in the whole of human history – has ever been right about everything. Ever.

The most famous quote that sums this up is Socrates, the Greek philosopher. He said (quoted by Plato): “True wisdom is knowing that I know nothing.”

That’s a good way to say it. It might be a little bit extreme because we all know a little bit of something. Like, for example, I know that I need a haircut. I know that the weather outside is pretty ‘bad’ right now. So I do know something.

Either way, the point stands that if we think we know everything, then maybe we do know nothing, or we don’t know enough. Because only if you know that you don’t know everything can you truly know something and align yourself with the truth of our life. And so ultimately, I think Socrates was right: Wisdom is knowing that we don’t know everything. Let’s say it like that.

No matter who you are or what you’ve experienced, there’s always more to learn and the things you think you may know could eventually turn out to be wrong so the most REAL approach is to remain open-minded.

What we think we ‘know’ and happen to be ‘right’ about is usually just conceptual ideas and interpretations that we’ve created about life on the best judgments that we have according to the greatest understanding that we have – but because conceptual knowledge is just made of concepts and concepts are not reality itself there’s always going to be limits and we’re never going to be 100% ‘right about things. That’s just the human condition, I guess.

The thing about ‘concepts’ is that can either point you towards reality or away from it – they can never be reality itself (which we can only know through EXPERIENCE, not concepts).

For example, the concept ‘dog’ points to a thing that exists in the world; the concept ‘unicorn’ points to something that just isn’t real, although we can imagine them anyway. The point here is if we’re just trying to interpret life through our interpretations and conceptual knowledge, then we’re always going to be limited.

But for some reason, even though we all often like to believe that wisdom is one of the keys to happiness, we sometimes act in a way where we’re not being wise, according to Socrates’ definition, because we’re acting like we know everything, which is always going to cause problems.

So here’s why:

The bottom line is that human beings can’t know everything. It’s literally impossible because the truth itself is whole but we are fragmented. We’re in fragmented bodies on a fragmented planet, swimming through a fragmented relationship with time, space, and causality – if you want to get into all that.

That means that, by definition, we’re always going to be ‘wrong’ about something – we could even go so far as to say that it’s just our nature to be wrong (and that’s fine…it’s what makes life interesting and keeps us learning and evolving).

And, even if we do just grasp something that seems true through our conceptual understanding, then life just keeps moving anyway, and the STATIC concepts in our head are inherently conflicted with the way that reality is in FLUX all around us. In practical terms, this just means that there’s a very high chance that the concepts we’re using to make ‘sense’ of life are pretty much guaranteed to eventually be out of date, and then we’re just going to be back where we started: being ‘wrong’.

And so, actually, if you’re out there plodding through life like you’ve got everything figured out and that you’re ‘right’ about everything, like I often do, then something has gone horribly wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. And the reason it’s gone horribly wrong is because it is our nature to be wrong about things – and so if we think we’re right about everything, we are literally going against our own realness.

We’re not accepting who we are. We’re not accepting life. We’re not accepting the world. We’ve taken ourselves out of the natural, REAL flow of things – which means that we keep moving, we keep evolving, and, by extension, we have to keep learning. And, that means that we will realise we were wrong and that we can go deeper into understanding the things that we already think we know.

And so if we take ourselves out of that process, we’re actually removing ourselves or distancing ourselves from our humanity and from our realness. And actually, that’s what this is all about:

The best way for human beings to feel ‘good’ is to be aligned with our realness – with our natural flow of constant growth and evolution and movement towards WHOLENESS.

YouTube player
This article is based on a transcript of this video from my YouTube Channel.

If we stop moving with that NATURAL DRIVE towards wholenes or we stunt our growth and stagnate because we keep putting these conceptual blocks in our own path and try to be ‘right’ about them and defend them, then we’re going to have a really ‘bad’ time.

And so, as per usual, it all comes down to the same old problem:

What is that same old problem?

Well, you guessed it, boys and girls, it’s the EGO.

The ego is the illusion of separation, the illusion of disconnection. And in relation to what we’re talking about, the illusion of stasis, the idea that for some bizarre reason, even though everything that’s real continues to move and ebb and flow and to keep changing, we fight to stay the same.

And the more we cling to that static picture of who we are, what we think the world is, what we think reality is – the more we cling to that – the harder things get for us, because we put in friction between ourselves and life.

But even though it’s hard, so many of us try and cling to this static picture because we don’t want to face all of the ‘stuff’ going on beneath the surface that the natural unfolding and changes in life are going to cause us to face as the unconscious becomes conscious and we have to take a good look at ourselves so we can become whole again.

As a kind of COPING MECHANISM, we create these points of view, these systems of thought – these ideologies – that are ultimately an extension of the ego. And that is actually the main (and perhaps only)  problem.

When people are obsessed with being ‘right’, what they’re actually doing is trying to defend a point of view that they’ve created, which is an extension of the thing that’s causing them to be miserable in the first place (because they think they need for survival).

People always talk about how the ego is a survival thing that we evolved for protection and this is true – it helped us to survive whatever we’ve been through in the past and the emotional pain that we weren’t ready to face at that time. – in addition to this, though, the points of view that we attach to – like our political views and whatever else – are more often than not, if we’re obsessed and fixated with them being ‘right’, an extension of the same old ego.

A point of view ultimately, in this sense, is just the ego’s way of working its way through the world and interacting with the world so that it can maintain its hold over us. And so what I’m saying is that when people are so obsessed with being ‘right’, they’re not actually bothered about the truth; they’re bothered about protecting the ego so they don’t have to change.

This is why it’s important to be wrong and to be open to being wrong, because if you’re not – if you’re going around through life just trying to be ‘right’ about everything – you think that you’re protecting yourself, but actually all you’re doing is protecting the ego, which is the only thing making you miserable in the first place.

And so, paradoxically, perhaps, by being WRONG, you can have some short-term discomfort, sure, but you can also free yourself from this idea, this parasite that has wrapped itself around your psyche and that is holding you back from real life.

So the short version of all that is that the more you need your point of view to be ‘right’, or the more you need other people to believe that your point of view is right – and to come to your way of thinking – the more you’re basically trying to convince yourself that it’s true because, at some level, you don’t actually believe it because it only really exists because of the fundamental state of disconnection within yourself – because of fragmentation, because of the shame, guilt, and/or trauma that have caused you to create a little ego version of yourself and to put that out into the world.

If you understand that, you can realise that, “Okay, if I want to be happy, if I want to feel peace, if I want to be tranquil, blah, blah, blah, I can step back from all that bullshit.

I can be open to the fact that I might be wrong, and I can realise that, actually, all of my opinions and all of my points of view and so on and so forth, they’re not ME or that I am. They’re just something that I have.

And if I can see that, and I can get a better relationship to the truth, then I can solve a lot of problems in my life.”

Because most of the bullshit going on out there in the world, if you look around you, is just people arguing about who’s right and who’s wrong. But it’s all nonsense.

Here’s a little secret about life (if you want to use a dramatic word like secret):

It’s not really a secret, but anyway, this thing that I’m about to share is this: The truth is the truth.

Wow. That’s deep, right?

But what it means is that the truth doesn’t change. Nobody has ever argued about the truth. Nobody can argue about the truth. Throughout all of human history, the billions and billions of dead people – and there are more dead people than living people (just throwing that out there) – but anyway, throughout human history, nobody has ever argued about the truth.

Which may sound weird at first, but when you think about it, the only thing we can argue about is our interpretations of the truth. Our opinions of the truth, our understanding of the truth, none of those things are the truth itself.

None of our attempts to defend the truth have any effect on the truth itself

None of the arguments that we have, nor any of our attempts to defend what we think is the truth – or to shatter other people’s visions of the truth because we disagree with it – none of that stuff has any effect on the truth itself.

And so if you can understand that, the ‘secret’, it actually allows you to kind of step back and to relax because you realise there’s two different levels:

1) There’s the level of fragmentation and all the opinions and the arguments and etc. going on out there in the world. And then there’s: 2) just the truth itself – which is just there truthing along without anything impacting it or anything affecting it. The truth is just the truth – all of these circles we run around in trying to be ‘right’ and to make other people wrong, they have no effect on it whatsoever.

And even if you think you do have the truth, even if you did have the truth, you wouldn’t need to waste time defending it and trying to be ‘right’ about it, because it doesn’t need defending, because nothing can change it, nothing can hurt it, nothing can have any impact on it whatsoever.

You either accept it and you’re happy or you don’t accept it, and then you spend your life arguing about whatever you think is the substitute for it, and then you get miserable. And it’s really that simple.

The truth does not need defending. The truth does not need you going out there running around trying to be ‘right’ about it. All you’re doing is fighting for your interpretations and your ego. But the truth is the truth.

So that was very philosophical. But what does it mean? How do you use this information to be happier in life, to be more real?

Well, it’s really simple:

It just means that you have to stay aware – you have to monitor yourself, so to speak. And anytime you find yourself getting overly emotional and trying to be ‘right’ or trying to persuade other people, well, you’re not actually on about the truth; you’re not trying to bring more truth into the equation – you’re trying to defend your ego.

And if we’re real with ourselves, like we’ve already said, the ego is the main source of all the problems in our life anyway. And so whenever you think that you’re on some kind of a CRUSADE to defend the truth and you’re getting overly emotional about it, well, because the truth doesn’t need defending, and all of your emotional outbursts and so on and so forth have literally zero effect on it, you can step back and you can remind yourself, “Okay, it’s my ego here that I’m actually trying to defend”.

And – maybe, if you’re lucky – that will be enough to make you stfu. So you can actually just breathe again and remember that you’re not going to change anything anyway, because no one cares if you’re ‘right’ apart from you.

This also means that you don’t really need to invest energy in defending your opinions. That’s counterintuitive to some people, because we think the more vociferous we are about our opinions, the more other people are going to come on board and think that we’re ‘right’.

If we we’re driven by underlying shame – which is often what causes us to need the ego to be true in the first place – then we feel like if we can get others to just believe that we’re right, then some of that shame is going to be diminished and we’ll feel better about ourselves.

But, actually, it doesn’t need to be that way – because if you think about it, if you really believe that your opinions are true – if you truly, truly believe it – you don’t care what other people think.

That sounds a bit arrogant, maybe, but you just don’t. It doesn’t matter what other people think though: you’re aware that what you believe is true because you’ve had some experience beyond the conceptual. And so it doesn’t matter if other people say you’re wrong. It doesn’t matter if other people think you’re right. You just know the truth.

And so maybe you’ll put it out there in conversation, and you’ll share it with people, and you’ll have a dialogue and all that kind of stuff – normal human behaviour. But if somebody disagrees, you can either calmly say, “Well, actually, I think this”,  or you can just smile and nod and then go about your life knowing that you’re aligned with the truth anyway, but also knowing that you might not be (and if you’re not, that’s fine, because maybe you’ll learn some other stuff, maybe you won’t).

Either way, there’s no point wasting time arguing about things when you can just be living the truth that you think you found to the greatest extent possible.

A quote that I love throwing out there is by the physicist David Bohm. He has this book called On Dialogue where he says something like, “Your opinions are not something that you are, they’re something that you have.”

They’re not something that you, are. They’re something that you have. And I think that’s a really great quote because it just reminds you to kind of step back.

If somebody is disagreeing with you or saying that your opinion is stupid or that it’s wrong or whatever else, well, that’s fine, because they’re saying it about your opinion, which is just a conceptual idea that you’ve picked up to make sense of life. They’re not saying it about YOU.

If you can remember this and you can take your ego out of the equation, once again, you realise that you actually don’t have to take disagreement or anything like that personally, because what’s real about you is always real: you can’t add to it, you can’t remove from it, because it’s a state of WHOLENESS – and so whether your opinions are aligned with the truth or not, well, it doesn’t matter because you’re still real.

If you need to be ‘right’ all the time, then you just have some kind of a block between you and life. And if you’re open to being ‘wrong’, you can ensure that that block diminishes in its power over you, and then things are just going to be better.

So I just want to put that out there: Your opinions are something that you have, not something that you are. And if you understand that, you can free yourself because you can be wrong, and then you’re going to be aligned with life.

3 ways to align yourself with REAL life by finding your own ‘wrongness’

Here are three things that you can do so that you can align yourself with your own realness by being wrong and using that wrongness to develop a closer relationship to the truth (which sounds weird and paradoxical and maybe like bullshit, but I promise that’s how it works):

The first thing you can do is exactly what we just said: Don’t take things personally.

The only reason you take things personally is because you, are lapsing into control freakery – because you need your ego to be the truth – and any disagreement is basically threatening the scaffolding that your whole ego rests upon and you’re terrified that it’s going to come falling down and you’ll just be like an empty husk of a human being.

But actually, if the ego disappears, you become more real. So anyway, don’t take it personally because it’s just an opinion.

The second thing is to remember that if you’re wrong in life, then it’s going to allow you to learn something new. And if you keep learning, well, ideally, unless you’re fooling yourself, the only thing that you can learn is more about the truth – you can go deeper into it, and then you’re going to have a solid foundation to grow real and it’s just better.

The third thing is just to remember that nothing really matters anyway. If you’re right with your opinions, okay, that’s cool. If you’re wrong, well, that’s fine as well.

But ultimately it’s all just ebb and flow, and we’re all going to die one day anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

So that’s ultimately all I need to say in this article – there is nothing wrong with being wrong.

In fact, there’s actually a lot right with being wrong because by being wrong, you can align yourself more closely with the truth and then – because you get out of the ego – you get into the flow of life, and you keep evolving and expanding in a real way that allows you to be more connected to yourself and have better relationships with other people because you’re not going around in circles arguing about things that they don’t really care about.

At the end of the day, most people are not interested in changing their opinions for all of the reasons we talked about – and so, you can ultimately just release yourself from a lot of the unnecessary friction and stress and nonsense that goes on out there in the world about people being obsessed with being ‘right’, because they think that being right somehow makes them a better person.

It doesn’t, which is weird to hear, perhaps because our whole lives we’ve been learning things in school by rote and things like that – thinking that we have to pass our tests and everything, picking up all these facts and stuff like that.

Obviously, it is better to be ‘right’ if you can be, because then you’ve got, the truth on your side to some extent. But what I’m saying is it doesn’t matter that much – or not as much as everyone makes out – because we can always learn more.

All I know is that I know nothing.

If You Argue With an Idiot, It Makes You an Idiot.

The final thing I suppose I want to say here is that there’s an old saying – I don’t know who said it.

They say “If you argue with an idiot, it makes you an idiot”.

This is just a reminder that if you find yourself out there and somebody comes up to you and they’re trying to be ‘right’ about everything, then don’t argue with them. Just let them think that they are right, because there’s no way you’re going to persuade them otherwise anyway and it’s just going to drive you mad.

It’s going to be a waste of time. And arguing with an idiot makes you an idiot, so it’s kind of a dumb thing to do.

And if you are the idiot – no offense – that’s going out there trying to be ‘right’ about everything….well, ask yourself “Why?”.

The answer is almost always going to come down to the same thing: ego ‘stuff’, underlying shame and a need to control life because you’re scared to leap into the great unknown of uncertainty and find out who you really are.

I hope that helps you if you needed it. I know it might be wrong in many ways. That’s cool. But, hope it helps. If anyone wants to talk to me about any of this stuff or anything else, book a call or click the WhatsApp button on this article and you can send me a message.

Let go and grow real!

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You’ll get access to my 7-Day Personality Transplant Video Course (with an exclusive 158-page workbook) when you sign up:

Sexual Transmutation and Vision: Harnessing Your Inner Fire


The transmutation of sexual creative energy for REALNESS in life and relationships.

Oh, hi there.

In this short article we’re going to explore the idea of sexual alchemisation or transmutation – what it is and what you can do to make the most of it.

Now, that might sound really pretentious, and quite grandiloquent, but all it really means is that you take your energy, which can be either ‘negative’ or ‘positive’, and you ultimately transmute or transform it so that the energy becomes something that is going to carry you where you need to be in life.

Now, you can actually do this with any kind of emotional, energetic thing that’s going on inside you, but it means that you have to work with it in a REAL way (surprise, surprise – REAL ALWAYS WORKS) – it also means that you need to know where you’re going to be directing those energetic impulses and instincts and so on in the first place.

I’ve seen a lot of people make the mistake of trying to be really mindful, shall we say, with their emotional ‘stuff’, but actually, they don’t have anywhere to send it – so it just ends up causing more problems, because it just ends up ricocheting within their experience of themselves, causing inner friction, and then stopping them from moving forward, because it just exacerbates all of the emotional problems and bullshit and stuff that they got going on inside.

In other words:

Unless we learn to control our creative/sexual energy by channelling it into something real, then it becomes DESTRUCTIVE.

Anyway, a really simple example of what I’m talking about is the idea of sexual transmutation.

Now, “sexual transmutation” really sounds kind of esoteric if you’re not familiar with the term, but all it means is that you hold your sexual energy and you learn to control your sexual energy and to direct your sexual energy so that it doesn’t end up ruining your life.

And all that means, ultimately, is that instead of reacting to it, instead of reacting to any horny impulse or urge that arises within you, you actually learn to kind of stop and to be mindful and, to respond to what’s going on inside of you in relation to how you want the outside of you to eventually look.

Now, I do this all the time in my own life. I’ve been doing this for about ten years. The way that it shows up for me just means that I don’t really jerk off – sorry if that’s too much information for some of you, but, basically, that just means I don’t jerk off, don’t look at porn, any of that stuff.

Instead, I just hold my energy until I’m actually having sex with another human being. Or – if I’m not – well, I’m using that energy as a kind of electric undercurrent, which I direct into all of the things that I’m doing in my life so that I can be more creative, more energetic, more buzzed up, and feel more alive as I’m moving forward and getting where I want to be.

I really think and have found that saving and working with our sexual energy allows us to live in alignment with the unforced rhythms of life itself and to work with it, instead of against it.

Because, actually, one mistake that I think a lot of people make when it comes to these ideas is that they try to control their energy, but they don’t really have a plan for where it’s going – and that makes it a lot harder for them, like I think said, because it just ends up causing you to have all this inner friction and this inner resistance, because you’re just holding all of this ‘stuff’ inside you and you don’t have an outlet for it (this is because we fear the energy and so we hold it without using it).

In other words, once again, without a creative outlet, your energy will destroy your life.  

And so, eventually, you’re just going to drive yourself mad and probably fail in your endeavour to hold on to the sexual energy in the first place.

Of course, you can’t literally hold onto it because it’s always moving. And that’s why you need to do something with it. You need to create something.

And, ultimately, all I want to say here is that you can make life a million times easier and more REAL for yourself if you’re trying to transmute any of the energy inside you – and it doesn’t just have to be sexual stuff:

It can be your anger; it can be your aggression; it can be your drive – i.e. your natural drive to be alive and to experience things.  All of these things and more are in there calling to you and trying to direct your life.

If you stop and pause and treat it as a kind of wild horse that needs to be tamed so you can then ride it wherever you need to be, if you can do that, then you will actually grow as a person exponentially.

Not only will you grow REAL but your life will be a lot better as well, because you’re not just a slave to your body and your drives. You’re taking them where you want to go.

Two Paths to Sexual Transmutation: Vision & Intimacy

There are two ways that you can direct the energy:

One is that you direct it into your life in the way that I was kind of talking about  – that just means you do all the stuff I’ve talked about a million times already on this website and in my books, or in my free course, the Personality Transplant for Realness & Life Purpose, which is that you create a vision for yourself, then you break it down into goals, then you break it down into habits, and then –  every day –  you’re transmuting your energy into the structure that you build around this.

When you do this you’ll find yourself seeing things grow over time and the creative sexual energy is being used as something that serves your life, not just something that pops up in your life, randomly here and there, and which takes you off the path that you want to be on.

YouTube player
This article is based on a transcript from this video over on my YouTube Channel.

So that’s one way, right? You have a vision, and you move yourself towards it through inspired action day-after-day.

There is one little caveat which is this: you can’t just choose a random vision. You have to kind of go through a process of raising Awareness of who you are, what you truly value, and what you’re all about, how life works, all that stuff.

Accepting yourself unconditionally and then taking inspired Action are the next steps after this Awareness raising (Awareness, Acceptance, and Action works every time).

You don’t just want to take action for the sake of it, because that becomes a distraction – it needs to be inspired action, which means it’s real to you, and it’s going to allow you to move towards wholeness.

Another way of describing the process of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action is that first you need to deconstruct your ego ‘stuff’ (Awareness).

This just means that you look at your identity and how it’s holding you back. If you want to do that, check out the course I just mentioned, the Personality Transplant. Or check out my book, Personal Revolutions, which is about deconstructing the ego in great detail.

The second step – after you’ve kind of looked at your ego stuff and how that is affecting you – is to see what parts of yourself the ego has been hiding from view.

What we’re talking about here is about Integrating the Shadow Self – the way that this works is you get shamed when you’re younger, or you may feel guilty or traumatised, whatever, and then you create this little box to live in as a reaction to that, the ego.

But when you do that, you disown so many parts of yourself, and you need to bring those parts up and start facing them and accepting them unconditionally before you create a vision for your life if you want that vision to be REAL.

The goals is to bring the Shadow Self to the surface as much as possible and start accepting yourself and life unconditionally – only then you can start designing and building and manifesting (if you want to do that), or creating, a vision for yourself about where you want to go.

If you create the vision before doing those other two steps (Deconstructing Ego/ Awareness & Integrating Shadow/Acceptance), you’re probably going to be chasing something that’s not real, that’s not authentic to you.

And so, they’re three really important steps: Deconstruct Ego, Integrate Shadow, Build a REAL Life.

Either way, you need some kind of a vision, some kind of a direction to move in so that when you’ve got all this creative sexual energy boiling beneath the surface and you’re trying to channel it into your life, you know where it’s going to go – that might be the habits, it might be the goals, might be creating the vision in the sense of refining it, all that kind of stuff.

If you’re a single person or you’re not interested in other people, in an intimate way, then that is basically all you need to do – create the vision, etc.

If you’re with another person or you have other people in your life that you are interested in and you’re doing things with, well, you can channel your energy, obviously, into growing more real and more intimate with those people.

And basically what that looks like is obviously having mind blowing, amazing sex where you become one and you’re getting closer to wholeness and all that kind of stuff.

But also it means that on a daily basis, or as often as possible, you and that other person are able to take the energy that’s there and to basically play with it.

Now, how that sense of play shows up is going to be different for everybody. But what that means is that there’s a kind of undercurrent to everything you’re doing that allows you to be spontaneous and the electric charge between you allows you to stay in this process of growing whole and not being held back by all of the fragmentation and bullshit that it’s going to cause the energy to direct you instead of allowing you to direct the energy.

If you’re doing the sexual transmutation thing or you’re trying to better control your energy in general, then if you have a direction to move in, or if you have a relationship to commit to, when it comes to growing in intimacy, it will make it 100 million times easier because you’re not going to create enough friction for yourself, life is going to be awesome, and you’re going to be charged up, pumped up, and electrified.

This is basically how you transmute your sexual energy so you can flow with the rhythms of life instead of forcing your own rhythm and bringing friction, frustration, and misery.

Go get it!

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Hacking the Unconscious Mind: A Psychological Hack for REALNESS


Changing Your Life by Using a Psychological Hack to Work With Your Unconscious Mind Instead of Against It.

Oh, hi there.

In this article, I’m going to give you a psychological hack that will change your life if you implement it.

Why would you need this hack?

Well, if you find yourself in a situation where you’re constantly running around like a blue arsed fly trying to get certain results in life, but those results are forever out of reach, then this hack is going to help you.

It’s going to help you to dig into your unconscious intentions and to step away from the surface level way of seeing and viewing things by helping you to DIG DEEPER so that you can reset or reconfigure what’s going on down in the depths of yourself and allow something real to surface.

Without using this ‘hack’, you’re just going to end up rearranging the furniture on the titanic whilst it still sinks because you’ll only be dealing with the SYMPTOMS, not the FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM (which is always a disconnection from your own realness).

In other words, without this hack you’ll feel like you’re chasing things and making progress but actually you’ll only running on the spot – because the things that you’re chasing are, not something that you want as much as you think you want. They’re just an extension of your ego as you attempt to fill the void (which is the illusion of disconnection).

So why would you want to implement this hack that I’m about to share with you?

It’s quite simple: A lot of people out there in the world – and you may be one of them – find themselves in situations where they’re constantly chasing something and they can never quite find it.

So, for example, maybe you’re chasing your dream relationship; maybe you’re trying to get more money; maybe you have some kind of a goal for your business or whatever it is, and…it just never happens.

A lot of the time we think that the core problem in attaining whatever it is that we want is that there’s some external thing, force or factor out there in the world that is preventing us and holding us back from acquiring or attaining whatever it is.

So, for example, in the case of relationships, we will just say to ourselves something like, “The world is going to hell, everyone’s a degenerate, and there’s only low quality men/women out there and it’s impossible to find a partner. Everyone’s so selfish and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

That’s an example of some externalised bullshit thing, and – if you externalise everything – you take your power out of your hands.

With the ‘money’ thing, maybe it’s the same thing, right?

You’ll say, “Well, there’s some external force out there in the world, the illuminati or whatever, and they’re holding me back from making money. And we live in an economy that’s fuelled by scarcity and yada, yada, yada. And I’m just always going to be poor.”

And so the externalisation of your goal basically puts you in a frame of mind where you’re never going to get it.

But here’s the truth:

Ultimately, the problem is not just the externalisation, but the fact that the externalisation is affecting the results that you get. And the results that you get are always showing you what you are actually choosing at an unconscious level.

This is where this ‘stuff’ gets a little bit offensive to some people but that’s what the truth often does (“The truth will set you free (but first it will piss you off and make you miserable”).

But ultimately, in these two examples that I just picked to pieces, if you can’t find your dream partner – even though you’re telling yourself that’s what you want – there is something going on inside you deep down where your actual, real intention is not to find your dream partner. And we’ll dig into that in a minute.

With the money thing, as, counterintuitive as it sounds – because obviously, we all love money, it makes life meaningful (joke) – if you can’t bring money into your life, well, for some reason, you are choosing not to, even though at the conscious level of the mind and the ego, you’re telling yourself that is your intention.

Actually, the reason these things keep staying out of grasp is because, when you dig into it, you’ll find at some level, you are choosing something else more than the relationship or the money.

The ‘hack’ that we’re about to talk about is about learning to understand that is that we can reverse engineer and figure out our REAL CHOICES that we’re making (unconsciously) by the results that we’re getting.

In other words, we’re going to learn to start looking inside ourselves and saying, “Hang on, what the hell is going on here to cause me to think and to tell myself one thing, but to choose the opposite?”

I’m going to give you some examples.

So, let’s start with some examples of imaginary people that sum up some kind of common ways this shows up in the world.

So let’s say, for example, the first person is an individual called Susie (just pulled that out of my ass):

For the last decade, Susie has either been single or in a bad relationship that didn’t last very long. And, on those long, lonely nights where she sat at home watching Netflix and eating Cheetos, she keeps telling herself that she does want a relationship.

The little hamster wheel in her head keeps thinking about relationships and how good life would be if she could get in a relationship. And then every so often, somebody comes along who seems like they might be a good fit. But as soon as they get involved with each other, Susie starts inexplicably becoming hypercritical and pushing these people away. Or, she can’t help but just focus on their flaws to the extent that she becomes totally turned off.

And then after a couple of weeks, couple of months, whatever is, the relationship kind of dwindles and dies. And poor Susie is back at home watching Netflix with all that Cheeto, dust over her mouth.

So that’s not good, is it?

Or maybe there’s another imaginary character called Bob who wants to start his own business. And he keeps telling himself that he’s going to be really successful. He’s going to do whatever it takes to get this business up and running so that he can make loads of money and support his family or wherever he wants to do.

And, he kind of knows the way forward: he’s created a business plan and a vision, and he’s done some market research and so on and so forth.

But, for some reason, when it’s time to go out there and start talking to potential clients or to communicating with people about his ideas, he always finds something else to do.

For example, maybe he just goes and spends time on social media telling himself that this is “research” or that he’s finding new ways to connect with people or some other BS story.

But ultimately, even though he keeps telling himself every morning when he wakes up that “today is the day” he’s going to actually fix his business and get where he needs to be, he just keeps procrastinating. He never gets anywhere. And even though he’s telling himself the same old story again and again and again, he starts to feel a bit insane because nothing ever changes.

Or what about this final example?

We have an imaginary woman or called Melissa and she’s a little bit overweigh and she doesn’t want to be because it’s taking too much energy – she can’t get up the stairs quite as fast as she used to without getting out of breath; she’s becoming insecure about the way that she looks, and she’s worried that people are secretly judging her as she walks down the street and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So she keeps telling herself that she’s going to go to the gym and she’s going to lose weight, she’s going to watch her diet, and that she’s making a choice for a healthier lifestyle so she can lose some weight and start to feel good about herself but – for some unknown reason -nothing ever changes:

She goes to the gym and she just kind of goes through the motions. She doesn’t really put any effort in or push herself to the edge, so her heart rate doesn’t go up, and she doesn’t burn any calories. And, when she does go home because she’s been to the gym, she ends up stuffing her face with whatever it is – some kind of a food reward that she feels she deserves.

And so six months into this exercise regime, despite this health and fitness program that she’s put herself on, nothing has changed – even though she’s been telling herself, keeps telling herself that she wants to make these changes, she’s just as overweight as she was and so she feels like banging her head against the wall.

What is going on in these examples?

A Mini Psychological Hack for Getting What You Want: Reverse Engineer Your Complaints

So, before we get onto the main ‘hack’, here’s a little ‘mini-hack’ that’s going to show you how to know if you have this kind of issue going on in your life:

The key here is to know that if you keep complaining about something, if you keep lamenting about something, then probably you have this kind of inner conflict that we’re talking about where you’re telling yourself you want something, but for some reason, there is something else going on inside you that is actually causing you to choose either the opposite or something else.

And the reason that complaining is a sign is because, ultimately, if you keep complaining about something, it means you’re keeping a problem in your life but you’re choosing not to solve it.

If you truly become aware of a problem and you truly accept what a problem is, then you will either do something about it and no longer have the problem, or you will just have to accept that it’s a fundamental part of life and reality. And so by going through the process of moving towards acceptance, you’ll no longer have anything to complain about (and, thus, the ‘problem’ dissolves).

And so complaining constantly about the same thing – not finding a relationship, not being able to lose weight, not being able to make money, or whatever it is – complaining constantly and chronically is a sign that your ego is invested in this story about a certain goal and a certain desire but – deep down beneath the surface of yourself – you have an inner conflict that is causing you to choose something else for some reason.

Stop and think about it now for a second:  what are you always complaining about?

The odds are very high that if you’re always complaining about it, then in some weird, backwards way, you’re choosing it, and you need to figure out why, so that you can put yourself on a real path and actually either resolve whatever it is that you’re complaining about or to let it go, because you accept that you don’t really want to change things (which is totally fine, btw).

You Can Reverse Engineer Your Real Intentions for Yourself and Your Life by the Results that You Keep Getting.

So this is where we come on to a deeper exploration of the main psychological ‘hack’ that I promised you at the start of this article:

It’s very simple. And ultimately it’s this:

You can reverse engineer your real intentions for yourself and your life by the results that you keep getting.

Let’s look at the examples we already explored:

If you consistently can’t find a relationship – that’s the result that you’re getting – then it just means that your true, unconscious intention is NOT to be in a relationship at some level – no matter what you’re telling yourself at the level of the ego (your constructed identity and all of the stories that you feed through it about life).

And I know that’s going to piss some people off because, of course, if you’re telling yourself you want a relationship and you’re going out there and you’re getting involved in all kinds of, unsavoury situations with people because you’re “trying to get in a relationship”, then of course you want a relationship.

So I’m probably chatting BS, right?

But no…if you consistently get the result of not getting the relationship that you want, then you’re choosing this result deep down for some reason – and this psychological hack of reverse engineering from the results is going to allow you to free yourself because when you understand why you have that deeper intention for something else then you can flip the script and start changing things.

(This deeper intention could be anything, and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with that because it’s unconscious so it’s not really your “fault” or anything, but it is still your desire, your true intention, even though it’s unconscious).

It’s the same with all of these results that I’ve given as example:

If you keep saying that you want to get more money from your business or whatever but it never happens and you’re just running around on the hamster wheel for years and years and years, then you don’t really want that (shock! Horror!) – at some level you have the intention for something else more and you need to dig inside yourself to figure out what that might be.

It’s the same with losing weight or anything (like literally anything):

If you keep telling yourself that you want a certain thing – you want to lose weight in this example now – and it doesn’t happen, then you need to ask yourself, “Okay, what do I really want? I’m telling myself I want to lose weight. But when I dig down into my shadow and to the parts of myself that I’m hiding from myself behind ego, what is actually going on?”

And that is the psychological hack again: 

The results that you get consistently, no matter what you’re telling yourself, actually show you what you are choosing deep down, more than whatever it is that you ‘think’ you want.

And that doesn’t mean that these things are ‘bad’ or that you’re chasing things that you shouldn’t be chasing. It just means that you haven’t actually done any work around inner awareness and acceptance of yourself to see what is actually driving your motivation more than – and that’s the key “more than” – whatever it is that you think you want.

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This article is based on a transcript from this video (check out my YouTube Channel).

If you’re not getting the results that you want then you need to be increase Awareness, cultivate Acceptance, and then take inspired ACTION

So let’s talk quickly about what you need to do once, you become AWARE of this hack – that’s always the first step: Awareness.

I’m always talking about the same thing: Awareness, Acceptance and Action (any transformational journey will require that you walk through these three steps).

If you’re not getting the results that you want, then ultimately you need start by becoming more aware be aware – in this case, of not getting the results you want, it starts by becoming aware of the fact that this is because you are (deep down in the unconscious) choosing something else MORE.

And it doesn’t matter what you’re telling yourself – the little voice in our head is just our social programming, our self-hypnosis, our response to our own emotional bullshit and stuff going on deep down inside ourselves and it’s just a surface level relationship with ourselves…it’s not REAL (“the ego is the opposite of reality”).

But there is a deeper level relationship that we all have – the most real relationship – and it is always driving our lives.

And so if you want to know more about this real relationship, you need to go through that first step that I shared with you of flipping the script and saying to yourself, “Right, these are the results I keep getting. Why might I be choosing that at some level?”

To get to the next level and go through the process of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, you simply need to start asking yourself the right questions so that you can dive deep into yourself and really get a grasp of why you in particular – based on what you’ve been through, your life story, who you are, etc. – why you in particular would have some kind of unconscious intention for something else.

So let’s say, for example, in the examples I gave earlier, the first person I think was an imaginary human being called Susie or something like that, whatever her name was,  kept telling herself that she wanted a relationship, but as soon as somebody came along, she would become hypercritical and she would push them away.

And so, just as an example, the story that she’s telling herself about what she thinks she wants, what she thinks she has chosen, is actually being overridden outside of her awareness with a deeper desire she has for freedom, let’s say – because when she was younger her parents were always arguing about little things and so on and so forth, and so she is paranoid about getting in a relationship, that’s also going to be fuelled by that kind of negativity (this is based on her imaginary life story).

So – as a protective barrier – she started getting critical and pushing people away so that she can maintain her freedom and not have to relive that experience from her childhood.

Maybe that’s all bullshit, right? I’ve just literally pulled that out of my ass. But the point is, there is some overriding desire that is driving you more than whatever it is that you keep telling yourself you desire but don’t get.

So in the case of Susie, she actually desires freedom more than a relationship, even though -for whatever reason (maybe because she just wants to fit into society and she thinks it’s what she’s supposed to do) – she keeps telling herself that’s what she wants.

In the example of, Bob, who is working on his business, he keeps telling himself that success is what he really wants:

“Okay, I want my business to succeed so I can provide for my family, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

But deep down, he doesn’t want his business to succeed:

There’s an overriding, desire for that because that’s his unconscious intention and it’s driving his life. And it might simply be because his dad, when he was a kid, was always away at work so Bob felt neglected and unloved and so he doesn’t actually want to replicate that relationship with his own kids.

And so, even though he feels like the best thing to do is to start his own business and to be successful, he actually has a stronger desire to just spend time with his kids. And, so ultimately there’s some kind of an inner conflict, but based on the results that he’s getting, that inner desire, the unconscious intention to simply just spend more time with his kids and not be so busy like a workaholic or whatever, that is actually overriding his choices and the things that he actually decides to do in life.

(Even though, ironically, if he could find a way – in this hypothetical example – to make his business work, then eventually he could spend more quality time with his kids because maybe they’ll have more money so he could pay people to work on his business or whatever)

The point is this (and it’s the same for anybody with this problem):

Even though he’s telling himself one story, there is something going on that is making him choose not to succeed in the way that he is telling himself he wants, and so he ends up writing a totally different story instead.

In the final example Melissa – who keeps telling herself she wants to lose weight and she just can’t do it – well, again, as offensive as it may seem to some people, there is something going on inside her where she is telling herself that she wants to lose weight, but deep down her real intention is not to.

It could be something really simple:

For example, maybe she’s worried that if she, does lose weight, then she’s suddenly going to be more attractive to the opposite sex. And then she’s just going to have loads of guys flinging themselves at her. And she’s actually insecure because she doesn’t know how to be vulnerable because she’s never really been in a relationship or whatever it is.

And so again (in this hypothetical example), her fear has has created an unconscious intention where she wants to be alone so that she actually can choose not to face her vulnerabilities and to grow towards intimacy in a relationship.

These are all just examples, but the point is that there will be something going on inside you exactly like this if you have this kind of problem.

If you’re constantly running around in circles, never getting anywhere and never making any changes in your life, then it’s purely because at some level there is something in you that is causing you to choose NOT to get whatever it is that you think you want – and all you need to do really, to start solving this problem and unblocking yourself, is to raise awareness of what this “something” might be.

If you raise awareness of it, you start to look at it head on. It’ll start to dissolve. But then – more importantly – once you go to awareness, you can accept it. And only if you accept it can you start to truly flip the script by replacing that intention with something real or, modifying the way that you go about ACTING on it.

When you get here, you can increase your odds of getting whatever it is that you think you want by upgrading it to something that you actually want.

Implementation: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action (It Works Every Time)

So, that was a lot of examples but let me quickly conclude and review by exploring a little more about the three-step process that is going to allow you to implement this psychological hack: Awareness, Acceptance and Action.

To raise AWARENESS, you need to use the hack that we’ve been talking about, which is, to reverse engineer the real intentions that are driving you and bubbling away beneath the surface of your ego and your relationship with yourself.

Like we said, you can reverse engineer by looking at the RESULTS you keep getting that you don’t want or that you keep complaining about.

If you do this then you can become more AWARE literally right now. That sounds very dramatic but it’s true: become aware that if you keep complaining about things, nothing is changing, then at some m level you are choosing it.

This awareness is the gateway to setting yourself free.

I may be painful in the short term, but – believe it or not (try it and find out!) –  in the long term, it’s going to put you on this path to changing things.

So that’s the first step. Awareness: reverse engineer based on the results you keep getting.

The second step after raising this awareness is that you need to ACCEPT whatever that real intention is.

And so ultimately, all you need to do is to ask yourself the right questions:

“Why might I, me – based on my experience and the things that I’ve been through – why might I have this unconscious intention for not getting what I keep telling myself what I think I want? What do I want even more that I’m actually chasing?”

And the key thing to remember here when it comes to acceptance is that “acceptance” ultimately means you’re going to be uncovering some truth – some reality –  about what’s going on inside you.

And, the thing with truth/reality is the only thing that you can do with it is ACCEPT it. You can’t judge it – if you start judging it, you’re taking yourself out of reality

The reason I’m saying this is because the only thing you need to do with your unconscious intention is to figure out what it is – based on reverse engineering those results – and then accept it without any judgment.

Like I said, an unconscious intention is still your intention, whether you’re initially aware of it or not. But it’s not something that you can judge or blame yourself for or you need to feel bad about.

If you have been saying yourself that you want a certain thing, but there’s something going on inside you that’s actually causing you to choose the opposite of that…well, it’s because of what you’ve been through; it’s because of the story that you’ve already lived and the way that you’re relating to it, based on your shame, guilt and trauma and all your underlying emotional ‘stuff’ that’s caused you to live in a little box (aka the ego).

And so the final point is this: just accept it. That’s all you need to do. Don’t judge yourself, accept it.

Once you have this ACCEPTANCE, then you have a solid foundation so that you can move on to the third stage, which is taking ACTION.

In this case, the action is twofold:

  1. You either need to modify your relationship with the thing that you originally thought you wanted by realising that you’ve got this unconscious block getting in the way and then readjusting the plan that you’re going to implement as you move towards it.
  2. You can replace the unconscious intention with a totally different intention. And all that means is that you ask yourself, “Okay, what do I really want? What is my vision for my life? What are my true values? What are my true intentions? And how do they conflict with what I have just uncovered about myself?”

    And then basically what you need to do is to train yourself – and I’ve got some other articles etc. about that on this site or a free 7-Day Course here – train yourself to think in alignment with the higher intentions and to not let this unconscious ‘stuff’ hold you back when it doesn’t need to.

So that is basically we need to say about this hack and how you can use it:

You look at the results that you keep getting that you don’t want and you find yourself complaining about chronically and consistently with nothing ever changing.

Then you can say to yourself now, “Okay, this is actually a sign that at some level, for whatever reason – and whatever reason that may be is fine – I am choosing not to acquire or to achieve or to attain whatever it is that I keep telling myself I need to be bringing into my life.

On a day-to-day practical level, this hack will and can change the game for you and it’s very simple and will cut out a lot of wasted time and energy because you won’t be running around in circles trying to change things that are out of your control.

The only thing ultimately any of us have power over, is our relationship with ourselves and so if you go through the process of AWARENESS – of understanding, that you can reverse engineer the results to figure out what you’re really choosing –  ACCEPTANCE (of whatever actually has caused you to choose something else or whatever it is that you are choosing instead more than what you think you want), and then ACTION in the sense of modifying your intentions and actions or replacing the unconscious intention with something else, you stand a much higher chance of getting where you want to be in life, feeling good, growing real and having a good time whilst you’re here.

Ultimately, we’re all going to die and so you might as well make sure that what you’re actually spending your time out there in the world running around chasing is something that you really want.

Join my mailing list if you want regular tips and insights about growing real and becoming more aligned with your creativity.

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Law of Attraction / Manifestation Explained (An Introduction to the Law of Attraction for REALNESS)


Demystifying the Law of Attraction so you can get REAL results.

This mini-course is about how you can use the law of attraction to get REAL results.

Oh, hi there – Oli Anderson here. Welcome to this mini-course about The Law of Attraction for Realness.

Ultimately, what we’re going to be talking about here is how you can use the law of attraction to get results and to change your life in the way that you might want to.

We’re going to try and do this in a real way which means that we’re going to look at how reality actually works, how human beings actually work and we’re going to have a no bullshit policy basically so that we can avoid a lot of the misconceptions that people have about this stuff and ultimately just get to the nitty gritty – so you can start using this in a very quick way if you haven’t been using it, or to start using it in a real way if you’ve tried using it and haven’t got results yet.

By the end of this you’ll have a better understanding of what the law of attraction really is. You’ll understand how your relationship with yourself ultimately affects your life and you’ll be moving towards some kind of a vision for yourself and your life that gets you pumped up and excited because it’s going to be real and you’ll also know that you have a lot more control over that than you may have initially been led to believe.

This mini-course has six modules.

So I’m going to get right into it. This little mini-course has six modules. So this is just so you know what’s coming up.

We got: 1) An introduction to Law of Attraction. That’s what this article is. We’re going to talk about 2) Mindset and Beliefs that either allow you to get results from the law of attraction or not. We’re going to do some 3) Creative Visualization stuff. We’re going to talk about 4) Inspired Action and then we’re going to look at 5) Gratitude and Appreciation and then we’re going to look at 6) Maintaining Momentum.

It’s all leading up to this idea of maintaining momentum which ultimately just means that you’re going to make some lifestyle changes and you’re going to basically improve your relationship with yourself by improving your relationship with reality.

And then you’re going to get better results because you’re not creating friction or distortion and resistance, which is what we’re going to talk about in this course ultimately.

Your inner vibe will affect your outer world. No question.

So I’m going to get right into it. This is the first module. It’s basically just an introduction to the law of attraction. But it’s not an introduction to the law of attraction as it might have been sold to you before. It’s an introduction to it in a real way.

And ultimately – what that means – is that we’re looking at this definition, a real definition of the law of attraction.

People love to make things more complicated than they actually are. I believe that the reason we make things so complex is because of our egos and the ego needing complexity to be a thing so that we can basically maintain the ego in its current form and then avoid our, emotional, stuff and all this kind of thing.

The simplest definition of the law of attraction is ultimately this: It means that whatever vibe you put out into the world is what you’re going to get back. That’s it. There’s so many things out there that make this so complicated, and they’re all ultimately just metaphors about this same thing, which is, that your inner vibe will affect your outer world.

Now, to what extent that actually might be is up to you to decide. Like some people think your inner state will completely, 100 million% affect everything in your outer experience. Some people might think that it just affects it a little bit. Whatever.

Either way, this law is a natural law that is true and is real and applies to all of us. And so once you start working with it and embracing it – and you start seeing changes in your life because you’ve been using it – then you can decide to what extent you want to go with this. But ultimately, your vibe affects what you get. And, we can call this for simplicity, the Boomerang Effect.

What you throw out there is going to come back to you in some way, shape or form. This is just the natural law of life. Not everybody likes to accept it, because in my opinion, they’re filtering life through their ego and maybe their life sucks. And so they don’t want to take responsibility for their thoughts and say to themselves, “Oh, okay. This crappy situation that I have found myself in is actually a reflection of this crappy relationship inside my head that I have with myself”.

We’ll get into all that but, right now, this is what we are now defining the law of attraction as:  “what you throw out there is what you’re going to get back”. And so if you want to improve your life, you need to start throwing out things that are more real, more true, more whole, and all of the other things that we’re about to talk about in this little mini-course.

The short version of understanding this is that if you put something real into life, you will get something real out of life. And conversely, if you put something unreal into life, you’ll get something unreal out of it.

If you’re familiar with my work – you’ve read my books or whatever – well, you’ll have heard me talk about everything ultimately boils down to wholeness or fragmentation. Wholeness means you are connected to yourself, you’re connected to the world, you’re connected to reality because you’ve raised your awareness and you accept things and blah, blah, blah. And so you’re putting the real version of you ultimately out into the world.

The opposite of that – the opposite of wholeness – is fragmentation. Fragmentation means you’ve created a little idea in your head that’s caused you to be disconnected from life itself. And that means that you’re being unreal because you’re always connected to life, whether you know it or you don’t know it. Whether you’re conscious of it or you’re unconscious of it.

And so when you’re fragmented in that way, you’re caught up in your ego, false identity. You put that out into the world, it motivates the things that you do, and your life ends up being unreal.

So in relation to the law of attraction, if you can be real with yourself, well, you’re going to put something real out into life and then you’re going to get something real back. Because of the Boomerang Effect: what you throw out there is always going to come back to you. That is a natural law.

The other thing about this law of attraction thing is because it’s a natural law, it’s always working beneath the surface of our lives, whether we know it or not. And so that means that all of us are always using the law of attraction; we’ve been using it our whole lives. And whatever we have right now in our lives ultimately is massively, massively, massively inspired by that inner relationship or impacted by the law of attraction is a natural law.

We all use it all the time – the only thing is that most of us have been using it unconsciously, without awareness. This course is about changing that so that you can use this natural law, the law of attraction, consciously.

That’s basically all you need to really pick up from this course. Most people are using it unconsciously. It applies to us all. If you want to improve your life, you need to accept it and be aware of it, of course, but then work with it instead of against it. That means making conscious choices, knowing that it’s a real thing and basically managing your inner relationship with yourself, then with life and everything else – so that when you throw these ‘boomerangs’ out, you’re throwing something real and then that is going to come back to you.

One thing that people don’t like about this is that it means – because the law of attraction is always working – that your life right now is a product of what you put out in the past.

So whatever is coming back to you, today, basically, at this particular period of your life where you’re doing this course, whatever is coming back to you is a product of the boomerangs that you’ve thrown out before.

Now, obviously not everybody wants to hear this, especially if their life sucks. And, I can understand that, I guess. But the thing is, this is actually a very powerful thing or empowering thing because it means that you have so much more choice over the future than you may initially have been led to believe.

If your life sucks and you keep focusing on that, well, you’re just going to keep putting out the same old BS and you’re going to keep getting the same BS back because of the boomerangs you’re throwing. I.e. the same boomerangs you’ve been throwing for however many years because of your conditioning and the voices in your head that you’re hypnotizing yourself with.

If you can understand that, if you start throwing out different boomerangs today, more real ones, then eventually the external world is going to catch up with that, and start throwing real stuff back at you, then you realise that we all have a lot of power over our lives. It’s a very amazing, very liberating thing.

A Quick History of The Law Of Attraction.

Here’s a quick history of the law of attraction. Just so you know what we’re talking about and the context that we found ourselves in:

It’s been around since ancient times. And, the reason it’s been around since ancient times is because it’s a natural law. Gravity has been around forever. We may have only discovered it when that apple fell on Isaac Newton’s head, but it was still there before that. It’s the same with the law of attraction. It’s a natural law. And so every human being in the history of human history has been using this law either unconsciously or consciously.

It got popular in the 19th century with the new thought movement: authors like Neville Goddard and Napoleon Hill popularized it. Napoleon Hill wrote that famous book, Think, And Grow Rich.

The Law of Attraction became even more popular with the release of the Secret in 2006 – based on, the work of Abraham Hicks. And then ever since then, there’s just been a load of bullshit and marketing nonsense: Online influencers on Instagram selling all these different techniques and offering it as a panacea to every problem in life.

And it can help you a lot. But ultimately, most of those people are just trying to sell things and it’s not complicated. People need things to be complicated for their own egos and so they can sell things to people that are confused. But basically, this is where we are.

It’s a very controversial concept. The reason it’s controversial is because you can’t prove it objectively. Like even me talking about it now, it might sound like bullshit to some people because I’m basically saying, “Okay, if you change your inner state, then your outer world is going to reflect that and everything can be hunky dory and amazing and beautiful”, but you can’t prove it scientifically because we’re dealing with the inner workings of the mind and our connection to everything else.

The only way you can really find out if the law of attraction works is to start using it.

Science likes to kind of isolate things and break them down and so on and so forth. And it works. It’s all about falsifying things and testing things. That’s awesome. But we’re dealing here with subjective experience and the only way you can really find out if this works is to start using it.

Personally, I didn’t used to believe in the law of attraction. I was very rationally minded individual. I thought that we needed peer reviewed studies for everything and blah, blah, blah. But then I actually started using it and getting results and having all these inexplicable things happen to me. And, now I will never doubt it ever.

But again, don’t just take my word for it. You need to basically start using these principles yourself and you will just see that reality is way more interesting and intricate and intense than we may have been led to believe – basically, reality is controversial.

That’s why I think a lot of people, have an issue with this: the law of attraction means that we can take full responsibility for our lives. Not everybody likes that.

So anyway, it’s controversial. I acknowledge that. I know that by talking about it, some people are going to have an issue. That’s fine. I’m just talking from personal experience and sharing what’s worked for me. And basically that’s that.

There’s a quote from Jesus in the Bible. I’m not like a religious fruitcake or anything like that, but ultimately it’s this:

“Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and you shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you.” – Matthew 7:7

Now that sounds very, dramatic. And of course, this can be taken completely out of context. You could think that the law of attraction just means that you have to ask for something and then basically that’s it. You don’t have to do anything else.

I believe this quote is true, but it’s not quite as, easy as some people might make it sound or seem. You still have to take action and you still have to do the inner work so that the things you are asking for, seeking and knocking on the door to find are real.

The reason that the law of attraction doesn’t work for a lot of people is because they’re coming from an egotistical place. And so it’s the thing that we just said: unreal in leads to unreal out and so they don’t get the results that they want or they end up miserable.

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This article is based on a transcript of this video taken from my The Law of Attraction for Realness mini-course.

Some common misconceptions about the law of attraction.

We’re going to talk about this in more detail as we go through the course.

Like I just said, you still need to take action. There’s a lot of bullshit out there that just makes people believe they can just do nothing and all of their dreams will come true. Life doesn’t work like that. You still need to take action and show the world and reality and life and God or whatever it is that you believe in.

This is another misconception: You need to show that you’re serious and you need to take inspired action – which is what we’re going to talk about you have chosen most of the things in your life. But that doesn’t make you God.

There’s so much bullshit out there where people are telling themselves that they’re God, “I’m God, I can control everything”. No, you are the creation. The law of life is the creator. We have all been created by reality itself. And you can call that God or whatever you want to call it.

We did not create everything. We did not create the law of attraction. So if you were a God you would be able to use the law of attraction to get rid of the law of attraction. That isn’t ever going to happen. And so there’s so much bullshit out there which is just ego again because the ego is the illusion of control where people use this stuff to actually make their spiritual problems a lot worse. And so if you start to believe that you’re a God and all that, you’re just going to cause problems for yourself. So that’s a misconception.

Finally. You can only really use the law of attraction with things that are real. That’s why I already said “Real in, real out”.

If you try and get something unreal with the law of attraction you’ll either get it and you’ll be totally miserable because what goes up comes down or you just won’t get it. And then you’ll be frustrated and you’ll think that the law of attraction doesn’t work.

So a lot of this stuff is about going through the process of removing the unreal things inside yourself and unlearning those things so that you can be more real. We’re going to talk about this a lot: Distortion and Resistance – but ultimately the problem for most people is that they ask for things that they really want but then they distort their intentions and desires with ego resistance.

We’re going to talk about this more in the next module, but ultimately you need to know this:

People, think you can just ask and receive, but if you have distortion and resistance, which is always ego, then this stuff is not going to work. And so again, it’s about using the law of attraction to find something real, hold onto it and that’s it.

All we’re doing here is being real, as real as possible and ego resistance is just anything that causes to avoid awareness and acceptance and the natural laws of reality so we can take inspired action. That’s it.

The main thing that causes people to get into ego is shame, guilt and trauma. So this is going to come up a little bit, but basically this is why the inner work is so important.

If you have ego problems, then you have emotional problems and so you need to work on the inner stuff before you’re going to get the outer results. And a lot of people try this without doing the inner work and so they don’t get the results or things get worse for them and they just tell themselves that this is bullshit.

But the reason it seems like bullshit is because they’re coming at it from an unreal point of view. The inner state is the key.

That’s basically what we need to learn in this course: The main thing you need to do is manage your inner state so it’s aligned with the real things that you want. This just means unlearning a lot of the bullshit and conditioning you picked up in life and dissolving into your realness.

You also need to manage your relationship with yourself so you don’t distort your relationship with REALITY worry and fear and doubts.

What we’re trying to do here to make this work and the main point of this little course is you’re trying to get to an inner state where you have a sense of equanimity, you feel good, everything is amazing and then you can start trying to manifest and all that kind of stuff.

Write down a list of things you want to attract in your life.

So that is the end of this first little mini module. If you want an exercise to do so you can kind of integrate this, well, here it is:

Write down a list of things that you want to attract in your life. It could be anything: Material possessions, experiences, personal qualities. A classic way to do this in coaching is to think about what you want to be, what you want to do and what you want to have.

Once you’ve done that, reflect on why these things are either real to you or unreal. If they’re real you’ll know why. If they’re unreal then scrub them off the list and don’t even worry about it. You need to find something real that you want to move towards.

So that is the end of this first module. I will see you in the next one and I hope that has given you a good overview of where we’re going with this!

If you’re interested in the full mini-course then you can get more information by clicking here.

Click the button to go to the purchase page:

Your problems aren’t your problems.


The problem is NEVER the problem (but REAL ALWAYS WORKS)

This is a bold claim but one thing I’ve learned from my own journey and from coaching people is that the problems we think we have at the start of a transformational period in our lives are NEVER the actual problems.

(In other words: many of the issues we think we’re dealing with when we go into the process are revealed to have been unreal by the time we’re done – assuming the process has made us more REAL).

They sure might look like problems and may even be experienced as problems but actually they’re (almost) always SYMPTOMS of the same core issue in some way: a DISCONNECTION FROM OUR REALNESS.

This is especially true of problems that lingerany time they do you can be pretty sure that you’re clinging onto some kind of misperception or misinterpretation for the sake of keeping your ego/identity where it is (so you don’t have to face your emotional ‘stuff’ in dealing with things).

The problem (if you can even call it that) is an attachment to the unreal ‘stuff’ – for whatever reason – instead of a focus on the real.

Really, this is just a matter of ‘sense’ (whatever that is):

-If you really knew what a problem is then you would do something about it and no longer have a problem.

-If it lingers then it’s either just an inevitable facet of reality (“it is what it is, man”) and you’re actually just struggling to ACCEPT things or you want to cling to something unreal because it benefits you in some (usually emotional) way.

I know that sounds simplistic and complexity is very popular in relation to this personal growth ‘stuff’. It’s probably also offensive to some people too but I’m definitely not saying that when we’re in touch with our realness that it’s some sort of magical panacea – just that, when we unlearn the things keeping us from our realness, we can stop wasting time distracting ourselves trying to find ‘solutions’ to problems that really only exist in our minds alone.

Let’s break it down a little – here are the kind of things that people come to me with and the way these ‘problems’ show up for them with various SYMPTOMS.

Here’s a list of the symptoms people experience when disconnected from their realness and then the symptoms of these symptoms (just to add a little complexity for those of us that love such things):

Lack of Purpose: Feeling directionless, demotivated, and uncertain about life goals.

Unfulfillment: Lingering dissatisfaction, lack of enthusiasm, and emotional restlessness.

Disconnected Relationships: Feeling emotionally distant, struggling to communicate feelings, and experiencing loneliness.

Stagnation in Career: Lack of creativity, feeling unchallenged, and limited career growth.

Fear of Vulnerability: Avoiding sharing feelings, hesitating to express needs, and guarded interactions.

Emotional Restlessness: Mood swings, moments of anxiety, and difficulty finding emotional equilibrium.

Lack of Work-Life Balance: Constant stress, neglecting personal needs, and feeling overwhelmed.

Self-Doubt: Second-guessing decisions, feeling inadequate, and lacking confidence.

Relationship Struggles: Frequent arguments, difficulty understanding each other, and emotional distance.

Identity Crisis: Feeling lost, unsure of who he is, and questioning personal values.

Procrastination: Delaying important tasks, feeling guilty about productivity, and added stress.

Imposter Syndrome: Feeling like a fraud, attributing success to luck, and downplaying achievements.

Lack of Emotional Expression: Difficulty showing affection, bottling up feelings, and emotional detachment.

Limited Personal Growth: Fearing change, avoiding challenges, and missing out on learning opportunities.

Social Isolation: Few social interactions, feeling out of touch, and experiencing loneliness.

Regret and Guilt: Dwelling on past mistakes, feeling guilty about missed opportunities, and ruminating.

Unresolved Past Traumas: Triggered emotional responses, anxiety, and avoidance behaviours.

Comparison Trap: Constantly comparing to others, feeling inferior, and negatively affecting self-esteem.

Lack of Joy: Rare moments of happiness, feeling numb, and difficulty finding enjoyment.

Loss of Passion: Losing interest in hobbies, feeling uninspired, and lacking enthusiasm.

When you’re UNAWARE (and the first step to changing your life is always ‘Acceptance’) that the FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM is always a sense of disconnect from your realness then the standard way of trying to handle these challenges is to choose one of the symptoms and focus on it.

Not only does this ignore the fundamental law that “WHAT WE FOCUS ON GROWS” (thus making things worse in the long run) it also causes us to be distracted from reality itself. 

Because reality is the only place where we can ever find any kind of solutions (again, just a matter of ‘sense’ – where else can we actually expect to get results besides reality?) this DISTRACTION just prevents us from getting what we really want (to be back in touch with our realness – even if we don’t know that consciously).

One way that I’ve seen this distraction show up for people (who become increasingly frustrated with themselves and life) is that they become SYMPTOM HOPPERS (just made that term up but it does the job).

Because they don’t get the RESULTS that they want (feeling good and like life is meaningful), they go through periods in their lives where they choose one of the above symptoms (or the symptoms of the symptom) and dedicate themselves to it for a short period (until they don’t get the results they want and so they move onto the next thing and then the next thing ad infinitum).

So, for example, maybe they’ll spend some time trying to get their creativity back (which they trick themselves into thinking is a cause of their career stagnation); or maybe they read some book about how ‘comparisons are odious’ and so they view their lives through a frame of not comparing themselves to others for a few weeks until it wears off and they move onto the next thing (because the frame was only CONCEPTUAL, not EXPERIENTIAL); maybe they’ll come up with a theory that if they can just stop procrastinating then all their problems will be solved and so they become extra disciplined for a few weeks (but don’t feel any better because they’re not DOING ANYTHING REAL because they didn’t get in touch with their realness FIRST).

All of these things are examples of “rearranging the furniture on the Titanic whilst it sinks” – they’re just ways of playing with the surface level details of our lives, externalising everything, and confusing ourselves by giving ourselves the illusion of growth and momentum whilst paradoxically staying the same at the same time.

You can save yourself years of friction, frustration, and misery by learning to focus on your REALNESS first and foremost.

When you do that all of these other symptoms take care of themselves because you’re not making the unreal CHOICES that lead to their perpetuation.

If this has spoken to you and you want some help with this ‘stuff’ then in touch by either booking a call or sending me an email or message. I’ve seen people get really fast results once they simply shift their focus to the REAL things instead of distracting themselves with SYMPTOM HOPPING and rearranging that furniture on the Titanic.

Join my mailing list if you want regular tips and insights about growing real and becoming more aligned with your creativity. You’ll get access to my 7-Day Personality Transplant Video Course (with an exclusive 158-page workbook) when you sign up:

Mind Traps: How to Stay REAL and RECLAIM Your Time


(Originally written for my mailing list but it got a lot of good feedback so here we are on the site as well)!

Oh, hi there.

One of the most common ‘problems’ I hear from coaching clients (or people jumping in my DMs on social media) is struggling to manage time in a real way.

In this article, I want to share some practical tips for managing your PERCEPTION of time so that you can RECLAIM some of the time you’re wasting by thinking and acting in UNREAL ways.

Before that, some common themes that come up in these conversations about time:

-We all have the same 24hrs in a day and so sometimes when we say we don’t have time what we really mean is “it’s not a priority” (which is fine but let’s be real with ourselves and then start tweaking what we can).

-Ultimately, it all comes down to CHOICE; from one moment to the next what you CHOOSE to do with your time is up to you (yes, even when you think it isn’t).

-We all have obligations and demands on our time but if we have a vision and sense of purpose it’s easier to GRAB the moments of downtime and use them for growing real instead of distracting ourselves.

-Everything is about the Law of Cause and Effect and progress is always progress. If you take 7 small steps over the course of a week then that’s one big step by the end of the week.

-A lot of our time management issues are actually issues with our RELATIONSHP WITH OURSELVES and the way we trap and distract ourselves with our thinking (the rest of this article will break this down and give you some practical steps for reclaiming time at the level of your mindset).

Reclaim your time by reclaiming your mind

Mind Trap

Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet (and probably never will).

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Anxiety, fear of the unknown, lack of control.

Break the Pattern

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques, challenge irrational thoughts, focus on the present moment.

TRUST that you can handle ANYTHING (because you’ve already handled everything that’s happened to you so far).

Mind Trap

Dwelling on things from the past that can’t be changed.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Low self-esteem, self-criticism, perfectionism.

Break the Pattern

Practice acceptance and forgiveness, focus on personal growth and the present moment, seek help if needed until you build a solid foundation to build on.

Mind Trap

Beating yourself up (mentally).

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Regret, guilt, attachment to the past.

Break the Pattern

Cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance, practice positive self-talk,  take INSPIRED ACTION , and celebrate small achievements.

Taking action and getting EVIDENCE is the ultimate way to show yourself that the reasons you beat yourself up for are unreal (seen this with clients so many times).

Mind Trap

Trying to ‘figure out’ why you procrastinate instead of doing what you need to do.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Avoidance, fear of failure, lack of motivation.

Break the Pattern

Realise that all procrastination is about your FEELINGS. Think about what you WANT instead (see below).

Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and take the SMALLEST step towards action.  Develop a reward system for completing tasks.

Mind Trap

Focusing on how youo FEEL instead of what you WANT.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Lack of clarity, emotional overwhelm, indecisiveness.

Break the Pattern

Reflect on long-term goals and values, set actionable goals, prioritise actions aligned with goals.

My free Personality Transplant can help you with this.

Mind Trap

Allowing yourself to be distracted because you haven’t figured out a strong purpose.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Lack of direction, lack of motivation, fear of failure

Break the Pattern

Explore personal interests and passions, set meaningful goals, seek clarity through self-reflection and exploration

Again: My free Personality Transplant can help you with this.

Mind Trap

Overthinking decisions.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Perfectionism, fear of making mistakes, indecisiveness.

Break the Pattern

Set a deadline for decision-making (and then STICK to it), weigh pros and cons, trust your intuition, and TRUST the process.

Mind Trap

Comparing oneself to others.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Insecurity, low self-esteem, fear of missing out

Break the Pattern

Focus on your own progress and achievements, practice self-compassion, limit social media exposure.

Realise that GROWING REAL is just about you vs. ‘you’.

Mind Trap

Engaging in unproductive debates.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Stubbornness, need to be right, fear of compromise.

Break the Pattern

Practice active listening, seek common ground, be open to different perspectives.

Find a relationship with the truth where you don’t need to DEFEND it (if you get defensive it’s about your beliefs, not the truth).

Mind Trap

Holding grudges.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Anger, resentment, inability to let go.

Break the Pattern

Practice forgiveness and empathy, seek resolution through communication, focus on personal growth.

Remember that holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot goal (only you get burned) – thanks, Buddha!

Mind Trap

Engaging in excessive planning/acquisition of conceptual knowledge.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Fear of uncertainty, desire for control, avoidance of action.

Break the Pattern

Set realistic goals, take small steps towards action, embrace flexibility and adaptability.

Remember that you don’t need to know everything – just ENOUGH (and you will always keep learning on the way).

Mind Trap

Over-analysing past mistakes.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Regret, self-blame, fear of repeating errors.

Break the Pattern

Learn from mistakes, focus on problem-solving, practice self-forgiveness.

Mind Trap

Indulging in self-pity.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Victim mentality, lack of resilience, avoidance of responsibility.

Break the Pattern

Cultivate resilience, seek short-term support from others if you need it (I can help), focus on solutions instead of problems.

Take the action that will help you BECOME who you CHOOSE to be.

Mind Trap

Worrying about others’ opinions.

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Insecurity, fear of judgment, people-pleasing tendencies.

Break the Pattern

Trust your own judgment, surround yourself with supportive people, prioritize your own values.

People-pleasing is one of the biggest time drains going. Set boundaries (which starts by saying “NO” to the unreal stuff and “YES” to the real.

Mind Trap

Seeking constant entertainment

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Boredom, avoidance of discomfort, lack of purpose.

Break the Pattern

Set meaningful goals, engage in activities that align with your values, practice delayed gratification

Constantly seeking entertainment and distraction is a sign of one thing and one thing only: you’ve lost touch with your purpose and you’ve stopped growing REAL.

Check out the 7-day Personality Transplant or if that’s too intense here’s a simple 7-Day REALNESS Transformation for rebooting your vision and goals.

Mind Trap

Engaging in negative gossip

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Insecurity, seeking validation, lack of empathy.

Break the Pattern

Redirect conversations towards REAL topics, practice empathy and kindness, foster supportive relationships

If somebody is gossiping with you about somebody else then odds are they’re gossiping with other people about you.

If you find yourself gossiping then it’s a good sign you’re not being real with yourself and you’re using conversation about others to keep your ego in place (which is unreal anyway).

Mind Trap

Holding onto negative relationships

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Fear of loneliness, lack of self-worth.

Break the Pattern

Set boundaries, seek healthy connections, focus on self-growth and self-care.

Remember that it’s better alone than in bad company – make a move to focus on your purpose and to face your realness.

Always remember the scared mantra: “Gimme something real or GTFO” (from Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World“).

Mind Trap

Being overly cautious and risk-averse

Psychological ‘Stuff’

Fear of failure, fear of change, lack of confidence

Break the Pattern

Gradually step out of your comfort zone and find your EDGE (by stretching just beyond your current ideas about yourself).

Focus on the potential rewards, seek support from trusted individuals.. Most importantly, learn to TRUST YOURSELF to handle what comes next no matter what.

Lots to be working with here (and I’ll keep adding to the list) but I wanted to show you how many opportunities we have to RECLAIM our time without reshuffling our life too much.

To get started CHOOSE one or two of these areas and start taking practical steps to changing things – that’ll be one step towards letting go of the UNREAL stuff and making space for the REAL.

I can help you with this ‘stuff’ if you need support – you can book a free discovery call here (or a ‘Virtual Coffee’ as I like to call it).

Thanks for reading and hope it helped!

Stay real,


If you want to go deeper into this ‘stuff’ then check out my free 7-day course for boosting your understanding of your own realness and helping you choose life purpose.

You can get more information here or you can sign up and get started by entering your name and email below:

You Don’t Have to Worry Ever Again. Here’s Why.


To some people reading this the title of this article is going to at the very least raise a few eyebrows (depending on how many you have) and – in the more extreme cases – make people mutter something negative under their breath and probably insult me in some way.

Some of us are so used to worrying about things that it just seems like an inevitable and unchanging reality.  Saying that you can live without worry to people locked in their heads like that is like saying that water isn’t wet, or the sky is green, and that Wednesday is the day after Sunday: it breaks their whole understanding of reality.

Let me tell you right now, though: it’s possible for you to train yourself to live without worrying. I’ve basically done it myself and I’ve seen some of my clients do it and seen the impact it’s had on their lives.

If that sounds like nonsense then – please, just for a minute – give me the benefit of the doubt and just play with the idea that it’s possible.

Assume for the duration of this article that you can be so present in what’s actually happening right now that all of that ‘stuff’ you worry about – which is always sourced in two things you have no control over right now – the past or the future – has no bearing on you in the NOW.

Don’t worry – this isn’t just another an article about being ‘present’ (though that comes into it) but – as you’re reading this – just bask in the feeling of being OKAY (I’m assuming that if you’re reading this you’re in a semi-relaxed environment and you’ve got some time to just be with yourself).

If you can train yourself to LET your worries GO for the duration it takes you to read this article then you can trust yourself to let go of them for longer and longer periods until eventually…you’ll see that they have NO power over you (unless you let them).

Let’s quickly look at how I ended up in this place and how you can do the same if that’s what you’re working on in your own life:

Problems vs. Solutions

When I was younger I used to worry about everything – actually, I used to worry so much that it made me sick. I’d worry about the things I ‘should’ do, I’d worry about the things I’d already done, the things I might do or that might happen to me, etc. etc. – in short, it never ended.

It was a never ending cycle of creating problems in my head and then giving myself more problems to worry about.

We don’t need to go into why I used to worry so much – actually, nobody really needs to spend that much time going over the origins of their negative feelings and thoughts and what they mean or where they came from.

I’ve seen people get lost in years and years of talking therapy – going over their problems, trying to make ‘sense’ of them with the mind that was created by these problems in the first place.

In my opinion and experience, such activities are mainly a complete waste of time (sorry, therapists and people addicted to talking therapy).

Yeah, it might be useful to say that it’s all because of how Mummy and Daddy treated you or because your primary school teacher didn’t like your art work or whatever but all of that analysis just leads to a narrative that makes ‘sense’ but might be wrong anyway.

It’s just a guess  – an attempt to find an interpretation that justifies where you currently are but don’t wanna be (otherwise you wouldn’t be getting talking therapy anyway). All it really does is give you a new narrative to hold onto and the more you hold onto it the more you focus on the problem instead of moving towards a solution.

You know what happens when you keep focusing on your problems?

Yeah, you keep getting the same problems. Weird how that works.

Personally, I’ve found that instead of delving into the past and pulling up things that should stay buried all you really need to know is a simple rule of life:

If you feel ‘bad’ then you need to change something so you can feel ‘good’.

(I could write a whole article about why the ego might resist such a statement but let’s save that for now).

If you’ve reached the stage where you’ve noticed that you’re worrying all the time then you already know enough: you’ve become AWARE that you have a problem and so you know that you need to change something.

Going down the rabbit hole and talking about how you ended up with this problem isn’t really going to help you – actually, it can even make you feel worse because you’re probably just gonna DRAG UP all kinds of miserable things from your past that are just gonna make you feel whatever you felt then.

If you know that you worry too much, don’t waste your time asking why you worry (as we said, you might come up with some theories but you’ll never know for sure anyway) – instead, ask yourself what you can start ACCEPTING and DOING in order to let go of the negative thoughts that are causing you to worry and then work on that.

Do you see what I’m saying? You can waste months or years asking questions about the current situation or you can start changing it.

I never had therapy or any of that stuff despite being a chronic worrier back in my youth… Obviously, that doesn’t mean this will work for everybody but I’ve seen it work with everybody I’ve worked on this stuff with and it’s really a very human and real way to do things.

I’m gonna give you some practical things you can do that are a bit more conventional but before we do let’s quickly remind ourselves why worrying is completely irrational anyway.

The pointlessness of worrying about things.

I always think that worrying is a waste of time for two reasons – it mainly boils down to this:

  1. If you have a problem and you come up with a solution then you’ll take it. Therefore, worrying is pointless.
  2. If you genuinely can’t find a solution, then you’ve just hit upon an inevitable thing about reality that can’t be changed. Therefore, worrying is pointless because you can only accept these kinda things (for example, the fact that we’re gonna be dead is not worth worrying about – not that anything is).

There really the only two options: you either come up with a possible solution and then do whatever that is or you accept something that can’t be changed. As these are the only two things you can really do then worrying is redundant.

If you keep worrying and going round in the hamster wheel of the same old thoughts then you don’t have a problem, you have an IDENTITY issue and there’s something UNREAL going on in your head.

In other words, you want to be stuck in your current ‘problematic’ version of reality so that you can keep your ego in place (but let’s not get onto all that).

Here are some other reasons why worrying is a waste of time:

  1. Worrying doesn’t change the outcome: No matter how much you worry, it doesn’t change the outcome of the situation because it keeps you in your head and not in reality (where outcomes are changed). Worrying only wastes your time and energy by keeping you in the same place.
  2. Worrying causes stress: Worrying causes stress, and chronic stress can lead to a variety of health problems, including anxiety, depression, and heart disease. These things obviously all serve to make whatever problems you perceive worse and ruin your experience of life as a whole.
  3. Worrying doesn’t solve the problem: Worrying doesn’t solve the problem; it only makes it worse. This is because – like we said – if you only focus on the problem that’s all you’re going to keep getting (whether that focus involves ‘thinking’ or ‘talking’ about it).
  4. Worrying affects your ability to make decisions: When you’re worried, it’s hard to think clearly and make good decisions. Instead, you’re more likely to make impulsive or irrational decisions which will lead to more problems down the line.  You need a CLEAR MIND to be able to make the decisions that will allow you to move forward in the way that you want to and so worrying just ruins things.
  5. Worrying creates a negative mindset: Worrying can lead to negative thinking, which can affect your mood and overall outlook on life. It can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you expect the worst and only see the negative in situations.This is because “we don’t see the world as it is but as we are” – if you filter everything through negativity then the world will literally reflect this back at you. This will just open a NEGATIVE SPIRAL until you wake up and get in touch with your realness again.
  6. Worrying distracts you from the present moment: Like we said, worrying takes you out of the present moment and causes you to focus on the past or the future. This can prevent you from enjoying the present and can make you miss out on opportunities. In other words, by worrying you actually miss the AMAZING life that’s right there in front of you and stop yourself living the life you want to really be living.

I hope all of this helps you see that worrying is pointless – it is completely unreal and literally adds no tangible benefit to your life. If anything, it takes you OUT of life and keeps you in your head and ego alone.

The feeling of realness.

So, okay, we’re kind of waking up to the idea of worrying being totally useless but so what? How can we actually start doing something about whatever worrying tendencies we have?

I’m gonna share a few things that have worked for me (most of which you’ve probably heard about before because they WORK but if you worry too much I can guarantee you haven’t seriously ACTED on them) but I also want to tell you what all of these things help you find in yourself:

A feeling of realness.

If you’ve read stuff on this site before or you’ve seen my books and videos or whatever then you’ll know that most of my work is about REALNESS.

A really simple definition of what this means is just the feeling of WHOLENESS you get when you can calm down and relax into yourself with unconditional acceptance.

That means you’re not judging yourself, you’re not thinking or holding back and hesitating; you’re just AWARE of the life that flows through you naturally and you’re ACCEPTING and ACTING on it (Awareness, Acceptance, and Action work every time).

Actually, this feeling of REALNESS is your natural state and it’s there ALL THE TIME.

The problem is that it gets clouded with all of our thoughts, worries, and judgements and so we distort and disconnect from this natural feeling.

Luckily, because it’s REAL, this natural feeling never goes anywhere – even if you’ve detached yourself from it for any amount of time – and you can feel it pretty much any time you like.

Of course, if you haven’t felt it for a while, you might have to train yourself to MANAGE your mind a little better so you can get back in touch with it but – because it’s real – the good news is ALL OF US can feel this feeling with no exceptions.

My theory is that people who worry too much have either never felt this feeling for some sad reason or they haven’t felt it for a looong time and they think they’ll never feel it again (these people usually think that worrying is just how they’re supposed to feel).

Of course, feeling this feeling of realness doesn’t mean that you’re never gonna have obstacles or challenges arise in your life again or that you’ll never have a ‘bad’ day…

It just means when these things inevitably do happen, you’ll be able to view them from a perspective where things are moving and flowing and where you can handle them instead of thinking problems last forever and there’s nothing you can do.

If you haven’t felt this FEELING OF REALNESS then the best way I can describe it is as a ‘peaceful buzz’.

When you feel it, you feel completely at peace because you’re connected to wholeness but you also feel the buzz of being fully alive and having all the energy that naturally flows through you at your disposal.

Probably, you will have had experiences of this at some stage in your life… This feeling is the REAL YOU.

You’re not the labels you attach to yourself (your job, income, marital status, mental health issues, etc. etc.) – you’re this feeling.

When you know this is your true identity you won’t worry as much because you’ll just know that ‘worrying’ means you’ve allowed your thoughts to take you away from this feeling.

It’s not complicated to feel this feeling. Like I said, it’s your NATURAL state and any of us can feel it… If you haven’t felt it in a while (which means you probably worry a lot now) then you need to get back in touch with it.

The ‘easiest’ way is to give yourself some daily time to RELAX and to step back from all of the mental tension and BS you might have picked up.

If you worry a lot, this will be hard at first as you’re attached to and identified with your thoughts but with enough TRAINING you will step back and your thoughts won’t block the feeling of realness.

Obviously, just reading these words isn’t going to help you feel this feeling of realness (though it might help you remember it).

What I want you to do is give yourself FIFTEEN MINUTES A DAY to sit and meditate.

People make meditation complicated but all it means is you sit down and focus on your breath (breathe through your nose).

Commit to doing this until you get the results we’re talking about – feeling the feeling of realness – don’t be attached to feeling it (that will cause you to worry). Just set an intention and you’ll get there in your own time.

This requires some TRUST in the process so just know you will get there (you might have to be like the ‘Baby on the bridge’ I talked about in this article).

The feeling of realness is so important because it will show you that all of those irrational reasons we gave above for worrying are actually just feelings of UNREALNESS.

When you know that and you have the feeling of realness as a reference point it’s easier to shift back to a real gear and get in the creative flow of solving problems instead of focusing on them and making them grow.

It might take you MONTHS to taste that feeling of realness but it is there for all of us because we’re all real.


(Sorry for shouting!)

Other ways into the feeling of realness.

All you really need to do is sit down, close your eyes, and ‘meditate’ until you feel that peaceful buzz from the feeling of realness.

Once you’ve done that you can take that feeling into the rest of your life and be better equipped to step back when your thoughts make you feel unreal.

Here are some other things you can do that will take you to the same place – the whole point in all of these is that being able to feel the feeling of realness will allow you to ride with reality instead of against it when you are dealing with uncertainty etc. (which is what causes people to worry in the first place).

  1. Meditation: Just to repeat, meditation is a spiritual practice that involves focusing your attention on the present moment and cultivating a sense of inner calm and clarity.It can help you let go of negative thoughts and emotions and develop a more positive outlook on life by showing the feeling of realness.
  2. Yoga: Yoga is a physical and spiritual practice that combines physical postures, breathwork, and meditation. It can help you reduce stress and anxiety, improve your mood, and cultivate a sense of inner peace and well-being.Yoga allows you to get in your body (so you’re out of your head) and helps you raise AWARENESS of the feeling of realness and the peaceful buzz that is always with you.If you’ve never tried yoga, this video with Bryan Kest is an amazing starting point (it’s from the 90s but the yoga flow itself is incredible – this is Level 1 but there are 3, all on YT):

Bryan Kest – Power Yoga Level 1

  1. Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment.It can help you let go of negative thoughts and develop greater self-awareness and compassion. Being mindful is vital for riding the reality waves and riding through uncertainty and challenges in life without adding the extra friction from worrying.
  2. Prayer: Prayer is a spiritual practice that involves communicating with a higher power or divine force. It can help you let go of negative thoughts and emotions and connect with a sense of inner peace and guidance.Personally, I don’t really pray but I think it offers value in helping you see that there is something BIGGER than just our own ideas about ourselves.Most worry comes from thinking it’s all up to us and forcing things through ego but actually – whether you believe in God or not – it’s never just up to ‘You’ because too many variables affect the unfolding of our lives. Training yourself not to worry is ultimately about getting out of your head and into REALITY.
  3. Gratitude: Ultimately, when we worry about everything we are not being grateful for the blessings and amazing things we already have in our lives. This just opens up a negative spiral and things will keep getting worse because we are not perceiving life in a real way (if we’re not grateful we’re JUDGING and judgement is never real because all you can do with reality is ACCEPT it).

If you can work to be grateful for the things in your life that are unfolding then you put less resistance between you and life itself. This is when things will start working in your favour and you can actually get the results you want.

  1. Forgiveness: Forgiveness is the practice of letting go of resentment and anger toward yourself or others. It can help you let go of negative thoughts and emotions and cultivate a sense of inner peace and healing.When we don’t forgive ourselves or others for the things we’ve been through then we just end up filtering everything through negative thoughts and stopping ourselves growing real or being in touch with that feeling of realness.

A final thing that can help you letting go of negative thoughts and worry is the Sedona Method (from the book of the same name).

Here’s a definition I found that sums it up:

Identify the negative thought: The first step is to identify the negative thought that you want to release. Take a moment to focus on the thought and how it makes you feel.

Ask yourself three questions: Ask yourself the following questions in relation to the negative thought:

Could I let it go?

    Would I let it go?


Answering these questions can help you shift your focus away from the negative thought and toward letting it go.

Release the negative thought: Once you’ve answered the questions, take a deep breath and release the negative thought. Visualize it leaving your body and mind, and imagine yourself feeling lighter and freer without it.”

You will always find that you can CHOOSE to let these negative thoughts go.

Every time you let these negative thoughts or worries go you just end up back in the same place (or taking steps towards it): the feeling of realness.

This is why whatever method you use you should keep in mind that your end goal is the same: the cultivation of the FEELING OF REALNESS so you can take it into your day-to-day life and ride through life with more clarity.

I’ll write some more about this in the future but hopefully that’s enough to get started.

If you’ve found yourself less worried as you’ve spent time on this then that’s proof that you can train yourself to worry for increasingly longer periods of time.

Just remember that the feeling of realness is the real you and the more time you spend feeling it the less you will worry in life.

If this inspired or helped you then please share it with others! 🙂

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The Baby on the Bridge: Trust and Belief in Yourself, the World, and Reality


I’ve told this story before on my YouTube channel but it’s something that keeps coming up in conversations with clients and friends and so I wanted to put it down on paper (or screen!).

This is a really simple but powerful metaphor but there’s also a relevant and synchronistic story about how I uncovered it that heightens it even more.

I’ll try and keep this short so you can get the point and move on but essentially it goes like this:

One of my first ever memories is from when I was about 3 or 4 years old – it was before my parents got divorced (when I was 6) and it was in our family home in Brighouse, Yorkshire.

For some reason, I woke up in my bed at night and decided that I wanted to watch cartoons – it felt really late to my kid brain but I guess looking back it was probably only about 10 or 11pm.

It was late enough to be dark and everything seemed bathed in blue light but I decided to follow my desire, got out of bed, and clambered downstairs to see what was going on.

On the way downstairs, I remember peering through the gaps in the bannister and seeing that in the living room – across the hallway – there was more blue light being emitted from the TV that somebody was watching.

That was enough for me to keep creeping down the stairs – TVs were where you found cartoons and that was the only thing I cared about right now.

I crept further down the stairs and eventually stood outside the living room door. I knew that I was supposed to be in bed like a good boy and I felt like I was breaking the rules or that trouble was imminent for being awake at such an unholy hour.

For a while, I just stood by the door, building up the courage to go in and disrupt my Dad who was watching sports or something – basked in that blue light in his own world.

I didn’t say anything for a while… Just stood there, peeking around the door in the shadows and wondering what my next move should be.

Eventually, my Dad must’ve sensed my presence because he perked up and asked me: “What the hell are you doing? You’re supposed to be in bed.”

Naturally, I gave him the only answer that made any sense: “I want to watch cartoons”.

It was at this moment that my Dad thought he had ‘got’ me and that getting me to go back to bed would be relatively simple.

He explained that he was going to flick through the channels (only four of them back then!) and that if there was a cartoon on I could watch it – otherwise, it was back to bed.

I took him up on his offer, confident that I was going to win the deal and be rewarded with some kind of cartoonery.

Confident also that he was going to ‘win’ the deal and banish me back to bed, my Dad started flicking through the channels – no doubt fully convinced that there’d be no cartoons on TV at such an ungodly hour and that he’d be able to go back to his sports in no time.

This is where the ‘synchronicity’ kicked in.

For whatever reason, I just ‘knew’ that there was going to be a cartoon on and there was:

As he started channel surfing, my Dad landed on a cartoon – I let out a satisfied noise and he let out a deflated one. I could feel how surprised he was – his surprise filled the whole room.

True to his word, he now had to let me stay up and watch this cartoon and so that’s what happened.

I’ll never forget it.

The cartoon in question was really simple: it was a blue and white animation of a baby walking in the air across some kind of ravine…

Essentially, the baby was walking from a cliff on one side of the ravine to the other but the catch was that there was no bridge or way across the ravine… Just the baby and his faith in himself and life.

Every time the baby took a step forward, bricks would appear underneath its feet and form a bridge across the ravine.

With every step the baby took, a new part of the bridge would emerge, until eventually it was all the way across the ravine and that was the end of the cartoon.

As a kid, I remember being totally entranced by this cartoon – I have no idea why it was on TV so late at night and I’ve done a ton of Googling over the years to try and track it down to no avail.

I describe this story as a synchronicity because the cartoon itself was a perfect metaphor for what was going on in my mind at the time… I just ‘knew’ there was going to be a cartoon for me to watch, had faith, went with the flow by taking the steps I needed to take (down the stairs and into the living room) and then – against the odds – things just kinda worked out.

Though I didn’t conceptualise it like this back then, I now think of the metaphor in that cartoon as one of the most REAL ways to live our lives:

We can’t always see our next move or next step but – if we have the faith in ourselves and cultivate the capacity to TRUST life – then that next move or step ALWAYS reveals itself and we’ll make it to the other side of that ravine (wherever we’re currently trying to get to in life).

The only thing that really stops us being able to live in this “Baby on the bridge” like manner is our EGO stuff – as soon as the ego gets involved and we start trying to control and force everything then it’s already TOO LATE because the mere act of giving into that stuff means that we have lost faith in ourselves and life.

Being real ultimately means that we know life is bigger than just our ideas about ourselves and that we can’t control everything. All we can do is know where we want to go and then be open enough to allowing the path to reveal itself as we keep going.

None of us can control everything that happens on the way to wherever it is we’re going – all we can really do is CHOOSE to go there and then move with life as it happens and shape it with the steps that we take by responding to the truth that arises along the way.

Even though it’s a simple metaphor and it entered my psyche more than 35 years ago, I think about that baby on the bridge all the time – especially when things are moving too fast around me or I don’t have any obvious answers about what my next move should be or which direction to turn in.

I remind myself to just keep going and to believe that the path will reveal itself and support me to get where I’m going – it does every time… But only if I can maintain that sense of innocence and stop trying to control things and make them happen the way I think they should.

The path is always there as long as we can be present and the only way to do that is to get out of our heads and to TRUST in life.

Think of the baby on the bridge next time you’re in the thick of it and that hamster wheel in your head is taking you off the real path.

If this story inspired or helped you then please share it with others! 🙂

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Roadblocks: What to Expect When You Start Changing Your Life


This is quick post about what to expect when you start to step up and change your life.  It’s about the common roadblocks that you’ll probably face and what you can DO about them in order to ensure that they don’t hold you back (or, even worse, turn you off making the changes you want).

I worked with enough people over the years to notice that there are common patterns and problems that you’ll have to deal with when you’re on this journey and – just like anything in life – it’s never as simple or easy as it first seems (which is always a good thing, actually, as it helps you to grow more real more deeply).

As always “knowledge is power” (if you actually use it) and gaining an awareness and acceptance of these challenges will help you be better equipped to deal with them via continuous, focused action.

One thing that you can do to make life ‘easier’ for yourself is to expect these roadblocks or stages on your own path and not to feel ‘bad’ or to take them personally when you meet them – it’s never a personal thing at all: it’s just human beings being human beings and trying to cling to what they already know.

There are a few levels to this but they ultimately unfold in a fairly ‘logical’ sequence when you step back and look at things. As always, it all starts with your relationship with your SELF and then unpacks itself outwards from there.

If you didn’t have this roadblock ‘map’ then you might think it was just a simple case of deciding that you want to change your life then going out there and doing it (wouldn’t that be nice?).

Unfortunately, because we share the world with other people and their EGOs things almost always become more complicated than they need to be (and when you add our relationship with our OWN ego to the mix things get even more complicated).

The ‘good’ news is that because most of these roadblocks are just EGO ‘stuff’ then they’re not real and so you can train yourself to ignore them and go out there and keep doing your thing and growing real.

You will hopefully recognise yourself in some of these stages and be able to figure out where you are and where you’re going.

Here we go:

Stage 1:  The relationship with SELF

I’ve written about this a lot in my books and on this site already but it’s worth repeating here so you know what to expect.

The first stage of changing your life is waking up to an UNREAL relationship with yourself that’s holding you back from the life that you really want to be living.

It ultimately unfolds itself through a three step process: Awareness, Acceptance, & Action.

No matter who you are or what kind of transformation you’re trying to make in your life, this applies to all of us.

It essentially goes like this:


In the very early stages you start to become AWARE of the fact that your life needs changing in some way.

How this happens and what it looks like can be different for everybody but in general you’ll be aware of a feeling of dissatisfaction and a RESTLESSNESS that permeates everything you do.

Maybe your job isn’t as exciting as you thought it would be when you were younger or you relationships feel EMPTY; maybe you can’t sleep at night because you’re constantly thinking about things that aren’t good enough or that are missing.

Many people live like this for YEARS – because society has conditioned them to believe that this is how life is supposed to be and that we’re just supposed to do what we’re told and get what we’re given.

As time passes, people will become more and more aware of what they DON’T want (a certain kind of job, certain kind of relationships, etc.) and this will eventually get so bad that they need to shift into start asking themselves what they DO want.

This is when we tend to start asking some of the difficult questions about life:

“What do I want to do before I DIE?”

“What do I really VALUE?”

“Who is the REAL ME”?


Again, these questions will be different for all of us but the basic function of them is to raise our awareness about what we actually want from life instead of what we don’t want (which we currently have in these early stages).


Normally, the weight of living an UNREAL or inauthentic life will get too much to bear and people reach some kind of ‘crunch’ point.

In this crunch point they realise that the version of themselves they’ve been living as is unreal and is actually just a product of their conditioning and the beliefs they’ve picked up that life is something that just happens (not what they MAKE HAPPEN).

When the levels of AWARENESS get high enough or when things get ‘bad’ enough, people will go into this next stage of ACCEPTANCE.

It’s here where they find themselves on a TURNING POINT and decide that enough is enough.

Maybe they’re sick of being a certain version of themselves (being a people-pleaser, for example) or maybe they’re sick of not knowing their true potential or just being told what to do all the time.

Whatever it is, they eventually get to a stage where they have enough awareness about the gap between how things are and how they actually want them to be and they have also accepted that they actually need to DO something about it.

This is when people actually start to make CHANGES in their lives instead of just going through the motions – they accept that they want to BECOME a different version of themselves with a different lifestyle.

They have accepted their vision for the future more than what they have in the present and the make a COMMITMENT to going out there and getting it.


This is when people actually start taking ACTION – this normally is broken down into creating a VISION, breaking it down into GOALS, and then creating DAILY HABITS to support momentum towards making it happen.

Because there is an inner battle between the ‘Old’ self and the ‘Real’ self that is trying to emerge there will be a few false starts and relapses into old ways of being but in general – if the person is motivated enough – then they’ll keep chipping away at it and getting the results they want.

Success here really depends on how addicted the person is to their old IDENTITY and the lifestyle that they built with it – if they have a growth mindset then and a relatively healthy relationship with their own underlying emotional ‘stuff’ (shame, guilt, and/or trauma) then it should be relatively straightforward.

If they have more of this emotional ‘stuff’ then they can still make changes but it will be harder.

Stage 2:  The WORLD gets involved:

This is where things start to get complicated because other people become involved.

What a lot of people don’t realise when they start changing their lives is that we’re all connected and so your change will affect the people close to you as well  (even though it doesn’t really need to).

The short version of this is that other people have got used to you being a certain ‘Old’ version of yourself and their relationship with themselves will be ‘threatened’ by your transformation (because their ego is dependent on you playing a certain ROLE).

Of course, some people will support you (the REAL ONES) so they won’t become roadblocks.

Those who don’t support you will throw the following obstacles in your path, though:

They’ll tell you you’re crazy

The first thing they’ll do is try to minimise your likelihood of success by telling you that you’re crazy.  Alternatively, they might tell you that you’re being unrealistic, that you’re deluding yourself, or that the odds of you succeeding to do whatever you’re trying to do are minimal.

All you need to know here is that these people aren’t actually talking about YOU but are telling you (unconsciously) about how they see themselves.

Probably, there is some dream or change that they have neglected in their own lives and they’re trying to HIDE from it.

They don’t want you getting started with your dreams because it will remind them that they could actually be achieving theirs (which they have emotional and/or ego resistance to actually doing).

The solution is to IGNORE them and keep going anyway.

They’ll tell you it won’t last or you just got lucky (etc.)

Eventually, you’ll start building some momentum and getting RESULTS – maybe you’ll lose some weight, maybe you’ll start getting clients in your business, or making progress on that book (or whatever else you’re doing).

In these early stages, though, people that want you to doubt yourself will know that you’re still pretty early on and will believe that they can make you DOUBT yourself.

They’ll essentially try and minimise the significance of the results that you have got because they don’t want you to believe that you can keep getting these results REPEATEDLY.

They’ll say you just got lucky or that things like “the first few pounds are always the easiest” (etc.).

Essentially, they want your results to not seem that special so they can keep telling themselves the BS story about themselves not needing to make changes in their own life.

Again, the solution here is to IGNORE them and to keep doing what you’re doing (because it’s obviously working no matter what they say).

They’ll try and make you feel guilty or to test your confidence in yourself

When you push through and KEEP getting results, your self-belief will increase and you’ll start to feel GREAT about yourself (as you should after all the hard work you’ve been doing).

At this stage, your DOUBTERS will know that they can’t make you doubt the results because you get them too frequently – their strategy now will turn to making you doubt YOURSELF.

If you still have a lot of unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ at this stage then you’ll be more likely to listen to them.

The short-version is that they’ll say things like:

“Who do you think you are?”

“You think you’re special/better/whatever”

“You’ve changed”.


These are all variations on the same theme which is that they want to make you feel GUILTY and they want to use that guilt so you’ll go back to the ‘Old’ version of you.

This isn’t actually because they love the old version or anything like that but because they could CONTROL the old version and it didn’t make them feel threatened by triggering their own denial of the real version of themselves (which they’re not ACTING on).

The solution is to remember that guilt is a useless emotion that is only ever used by external sources to try and control you in some way.

You have done nothing wrong so keep going and let these miserable people get on with their miserable lives.

They can’t say anything because you’ve actually done it – at this stage they’ll either wake up and change their own lives or they’ll leave yours.

If you keep pushing through and doing your thing then eventually it becomes clear – even to Doubters – that you’re not going to waver.

You will reach your goal – whatever it was – and will have grown into the person you needed to BECOME to do so.

At this stage, the doubters won’t be able to say anything (though they might try initially because of the anger the feel etc.)

If you’re lucky, they might see you as an inspiration and WAKE UP to their own power to change their lives and get things done.

If not, then you’re only option now is to WALK AWAY and to let them walk their own path whilst you keep walking yours.  There is no point clinging to fake or unreal relationships at this stage – you’re more REAL than you once were and you can bring in REAL relationships as a result of your transformation.

Go smash the next big goal!

If this story inspired or helped you then please share it with others! 🙂

Sign up for my mailing list if you want to stay in touch (you’ll get access to the 7-Day Personality Transplant for uncovering your life purpose):

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