by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
If You’re Life Feels Like It Could Be More REAL, It Might Be Time To Get DIALLED IN
Introduction: Why You Need to Get Dialled In
Many of us are stuck running around and trying to ‘live’ our lives on autopilot:
We go through life reacting, drifting, and letting external circumstances dictate our reality instead of finding a taste of PRESENCE and actually showing up in our lives and moulding and shaping them in alignment with something TRUE.
When we’re living like this then we often already know, deep down, that we’re not tuning into who we really are quite as much as we could. We know our potential has more to offer the world; we know they’re capable of more; we know we can lead, create, and shape our lives instead of being pushed around by fear, comfort, and distraction.
Even though we don’t always know how to start bringing these qualities to the surface of our lives we do know that something is off. We feel fragmented – mentally, emotionally, physically – and we just want a taste of the WHOLENESS we know is our birth right.
Thankfully, there’s an antidote:
Getting dialled in.
To get dialled in means to bring yourself into full alignment with reality – it means stripping away the noise, the nonsense, and the ego-driven distractions to focus on what actually matters when you’re being most true to yourself.
When you’re dialled in, you operate from a place of realness, flow, and self-leadership: you don’t wait for permission; you don’t sabotage yourself. You move, consistently, in the direction of self-mastery so that you can start to master your little corner of the world.
This ‘mastery’ starts by learning to DIAL IN and to step up and LEAD yourself:
This guide will show you exactly how to do that using the Awareness, Acceptance, and Action model – a transformational process that I use in my coaching practice which takes you from fragmented and reactive to whole, present, and REAL.
Let’s dive in:
Awareness: Deconstruct the Ego and Create a Vision
You can’t get dialled in if you don’t know where you are or where you’re going.
Unfortunately, most people don’t because they’re chasing ego-based goals – things they think will make them happy or fill the Void but never do and never can:
More money, more validation, more status – none of that is real because – even though they’re all ‘good’ things, none of them can ever ‘complete’ you or connect you to who you really are.
One thing that is real is making your values valuable to others – this is leadership and it gives you a direction to take yourself and others in that allows everybody involved to GROW REAL.
To get dialled in, you need real vision – one that’s not dictated by insecurity and fruitless attempts to fill the Void but by an expression of your realness shared with others.
Start by asking yourself:
- What do I truly value?
- How can I turn my real values into something meaningful?
- What kind of man/woman do I need to become to live this in a real way?
Once you strip away ego and create a vision based on expressing your realness, the next step is to break it down into realistic, compelling goals. These goals should stretch you but not break you (you want to get out of the comfort zone, into the stretch zone, and stay away from the panic zone).. They should challenge you but be possible and exciting enough to keep you dialled in on the way there.
The final ingredient here is that you need habits – the small, daily actions that compound into massive transformation over time.
You don’t rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your habits.
Practical Steps:
- Journal about your core values and how you can make them valuable to the world around you.
- Write out your long-term vision in vivid detail (email me if you want a “Life Visioning Questions” exercise to help with this or check out my free 7-Day Personality Transplant course).
- Break the vision down into clear, achievable goals (ideally with deadlines).
- Identify the daily habits that will get you there and PROMISE yourself that you’ll stick to them.
Acceptance: Integrate the Shadow and Master Yourself
Getting dialled in isn’t just about adding things – it’s about removing all of the layers of fragmentation and BS (limiting beliefs, illusions, social conditioning etc.) that holds you back.
What this means is that it’s time to face your Shadow Self – the parts of you that sabotage, procrastinate, and keep you stuck in loops of self-doubt and fear purely because they’re all hidden beneath the surface of the Ego and the way that you filter yourself through your “acceptable” sense of identity on a day-to-day basis.
These parts can be ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but the fact that they’re hidden from view means that they sometimes drive your life without you knowing from beneath the surface of yourself. This puts you in a state of inner conflict that can bring friction, frustration, and misery. It can also stop you from ACTING on what’s real and getting dialled in and doing what you need to do with your life.
Discipline, focus, and consistency are impossible if you’re constantly at war with yourself. The parts of you that crave comfort, validation, or avoidance need to be understood and integrated, not repressed (because “what you resist persists” as Carl Jung said – the more you ignore these ‘parts’ (even though they’re part of the whole you), the more they will turn against you and take your life hurtling in a direction you don’t want to go in).
To start dialling in at the level of Acceptance, we need to work at both the level of the body and the mind (because the mind-body is one system):
Mastering the Body
Your body is the gateway to your realness – if you’re exhausted, inflamed, or disconnected from your physical self, you’ll struggle to focus, act, or lead yourself and others.
Mastering your body means learning to do things like:
- Handling your emotions instead of numbing them (no more dissociation, no more pretending they don’t exist, no more identifying with them and getting stuck in your feelings).
- Training your urges instead of being ruled by them.
- Building strong physical foundations – sleep, nutrition, movement, and recovery.
Mastering the Mind
Your mind can either be your greatest asset or your biggest enemy – getting dialled in when it comes to mastering the mind means training yourself to:
- Drop negative thought loops and focus on reality (check out my free thought log tool to start working on this or book a call with me).
- Stop identifying with fear and start trusting life by learning to give up force and control and do your best and let go of the rest.
- Train attention like a muscle – what you focus on grows. Period. Make sure you know what you want (your vision, goals, and habits) so you can stay focused on making your real life grow before your very eyes.
Practical Steps:
- When resistance shows up, don’t fight it – observe it. What’s the deeper fear? Sometimes, you’ll see your fear is totally unfounded – other times, you’ll see that there’s something you need to DO before the fear dissolves. Go do it!
- Journal about your self-sabotaging behaviours and patterns that you notice until you can eventually stop them in their tracks.
- Start treating sleep, nutrition, and exercise like non-negotiable investments – the truth is that they’re the FOUNDATION of your life. If you get this ‘stuff’ right, you’ll give yourself a head-start in all other areas because your energy will be right.
- Every time you catch yourself in a negative loop, redirect your focus to what’s real (again, the thought log is designed so you can train yourself to do this).
Action: Trust, Move, and Lead
Once you’ve stripped away the Ego and started to integrate your Shadow, the final step is trust:
Trust in yourself and trust in life itself.
Developing this attitude is a gamechanger and basically the endpoint of all ‘self-help’ and ‘healing’ journeys (see my book Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace to learn how to live in this way).
In short you want to get to the point where you’re attitude supports you knowing that when you show up and take real action, results will follow. You also need to know when not to take action because certain things are outside of your control (when we’re not dialled in we can’t do this because we’re motivated by fear so act just for the sake of acting – not because it’s REAL).
This is where discipline, focus, and consistency come in – the key attitudinal qualities of being DIALLED IN:
Discipline: Doing What’s Real, Not What’s Comfortable
Real discipline isn’t about forcing yourself to do things you hate but about committing to what you actually want on a deep level – even when you don’t ‘feel like it’ in the moment. This means that when you have a ‘bad’ day or whatever you do it anyway (because you’re guided by what you know you WANT in the long-term, not how you ‘feel’ in the short-term).
Focus: Cutting the Unreal and Pointing Your Attention
Most of us are drowning in unreal distractions: social media, junk food, comfort, pointless drama, etc. etc. – then we wonder why we never get anything real DONE.
If you want to be dialled in, eliminate the unreal and focus on the real (by remembering the sacred mantra: “Gimme something real or GTFO“).
Point your attention toward what matters. Train your focus like you train your body.
Consistency: The Law of Cause and Effect
Results are never ‘magic’ – they’re the outcome of small, consistent actions over time which is why your HABITS are so important.
Show up daily if you can. Whether it’s the gym, business, relationships, or self-mastery – small actions compound on themselves and guarantee that you’ll get the results you want over time.
The example of this I always use is writing…If you want to write a book and you write even just 100 words a day, that’s 700 each week. Over time, that’s a book before you know it.
You can apply this in all areas of life – all you need to do is stay DIALLED IN.
Routine: The Backbone of Flow
Developing a solid morning routine sets the tone for everything else so if you want to maximise your results then develop one that works for you:
This isn’t about ‘hacks’—it’s about structure:
Check out this morning routine generator to create something that ticks your boxes.
Journaling: Reflection = Growth
Success and failure both leave clues – if you’re not reviewing and learning from your patterns, you’re flying blind. Make regular journaling and reflection a habit. Identify what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to change so that you can keep continuously learning and dial in more and more.
My Flow Builder Journal might be what you’re looking for if you like journaling and want to stay dialled in daily.
Practical Steps:
- Define your non-negotiable daily disciplines and make sure you stick to your promises to yourself.
- Remove three major distractions from your life immediately and give up your identification with them.
- Set up a structured morning routine and stick to it for at least 30 days to see if it works for you.
- Review your progress weekly – keep adjusting and refining and rinse and repeat for success.
Balancing Yin and Yang: The Power of Detours
Getting dialled in doesn’t mean turning into a machine – it means flowing with reality and not fighting it. This means that sometimes you need to balance all the aggressive ‘Yang’ energy with the stillness of ‘Yin’ (so you don’t burn out and can stay motivated and dialled in for another day).
In other words, sometimes, the best move is to pause, step back, and enjoy the ride; life isn’t just about intensity—it’s also about presence, connection, and knowing when to yield.
Take detours when need be and remember to ENJOY life. Bask in your relationships; do things just for the sake of joy and nothing else. A dialled in leader knows when to push, but also when to step back and let things unfold.
Balance the intensity of structure with the openness of spontaneity so you can stay in the zone and keep growing REAL.
Conclusion: The Path of Mastery
Getting dialled in is not a one-time event – it’s a process of constantly bringing yourself back to a real flow.
It’s way of being and a lifestyle CHOICE – it’s about aligning your mind, body, and actions with reality so that, when you do, you become a force – someone who leads, moves, and shapes life instead of just being shaped by it.
Stay real out there,
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.
This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
It has monthly, weekly, and daily (morning and evening) check-ins, tools and reflections to keep you in the zone and keep you flowing with zest and momentum.
If you want to get unstuck and grow REAL then check it out.
Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.
Join the 7-Day Bare Ass Minimum (BAM) Challenge and start to implement foundational health habits and a powerful life vision only a week from now.
