by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Embrace the Reality Lag: Why Staying Committed to Change and TRUSTING the process is the Key to Transformation
The moment you make a decision to change your life, something profound happens: you actually start changing and so does your relationship with life itself..
It’s not ‘magic’, but it sure feels like it:
Your emotional relationship with yourself shifts, and when that happens, your thoughts begin to follow suit – this allows your actions to change too (and action really is the only thing that changes anything). Suddenly, you’re moving in a new direction, towards a new version of yourself.
But here’s the catch: while the internal shift happens almost immediately, it takes time for the external world to catch up.
This gap, this period of waiting while reality lags behind, is the very thing that trips people up. It’s what I call the Reality Lag—the time it takes for the world outside to reflect the changes you’ve already made on the inside.
It’s in this space that the magic of true transformation happens – or rather, it’s where most people give up.
So, how do you bridge the gap between your internal change and the external results you want to see? The answer, as always, comes down to one thing: Trust.
The Reality Lag: Why Transformation Takes Time
Think about it for a moment: your decisions to change have already set things in motion. Internally, you’ve committed to becoming a different version of yourself, someone more REAL. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are starting to shift. You’re showing up differently, thinking differently, and maybe even acting differently.
But here’s where the tricky part begins. Your old ‘reality’ – those old circumstances, the relationships, the results – don’t just disappear because you’ve had an internal shift. They don’t magically adjust to reflect who you’re becoming. In fact, it can often feel like the opposite. External reality seems to be resisting your newfound growth.
This is the Reality Lag. It’s that frustrating, liminal space where you’re putting in the work, you’re making better choices, but the world around you still feels the same. It’s as if you’re swimming against the current of your old self while trying to swim towards the future you’re creating.
And it’s in these moments that F.E.A.R (“false evidence appearing real”) and doubt can creep in:
You might start to wonder, “Is this even working? Did I make the right choice?” You see the evidence of your past choices still playing out, and it can feel like you’re stuck.
But remember what we said: the moment you make the decision to change, everything has already shifted.
The internal transformation is the real deal…The problem is, the external world needs time to adjust because of the Law of Cause and Effect (things don’t ‘change’ over night even if we change course).
The more you resist this delay, the more frustrated you’ll get. But if you can embrace it, trust the process, and stay committed, you’ll come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and with the results you desire.
Trust: The Bridge Between Internal Change and External Results
What’s the difference between those who give up in the face of the Reality Lag and those who stay committed to their transformation? Trust.
Trust is the foundation of all growth. It’s the trust that your decisions will pay off, even when you can’t yet see the results. It’s the trust that the Universe (or life, or God, or whatever you prefer to call it) is working in your favour, even when the evidence isn’t immediately visible.
Here’s the challenge: when things don’t immediately change, it’s easy to start second-guessing yourself. It’s easy to fall back into old patterns, to think, “Maybe this isn’t the right path for me.” But that’s the point where your trust is tested.
Trust is what keeps you moving in the direction of your vision, even when you can’t see the path clearly; it’s what allows you to stay committed to the changes you’ve made, even when it feels like your reality isn’t reflecting your efforts. And trust is what gives you the courage to keep taking action, even when you’re in the middle of the Reality Lag.
The Commitment Factor: Showing Up for Yourself Every Day
Transformation isn’t about making a single decision and expecting everything to change overnight. It’s about staying committed to that decision day in, day out. The key to making change stick is consistency.
At first, this might seem like a LEAP OF FAITH but, eventually, things will start changing and you’ll have EVIDENCE that things are working and you can TRUST THE PROCESS.
This is where the ‘real’ version of yourself comes in. When you commit to your transformation, you’re not just talking about change; you’re living it. You show up for yourself every day, regardless of what your external reality looks like. Even when the results aren’t immediate, you keep acting in alignment with the person you’re becoming.
This is easier said than done, of course. The external world will tempt you to slip back into old habits. The Reality Lag will create doubt, and F.E.A.R will tell you that it’s not worth it but this is when the power of your commitment becomes crystal clear.
Staying committed isn’t about ignoring the struggle – it’s about recognising it and still moving forward. It’s about waking up each day and making decisions that reflect who you are becoming, not who you were. It’s the small, everyday actions that create the momentum for transformation.
From Leap of Faith to Trust in Action
In the beginning, change often requires a leap of faith. When you first commit to transformation, there’s a moment when it feels like a big, bold decision. It feels like you’re jumping into the unknown, trusting that the net will appear as you leap.
But here’s the REALNESS: that leap of faith eventually turns into trust as you get more and more EVIDENCE. In the early days, you can’t see the fruits of your labour, but if you stay consistent, you start to see the results. And when you see that evidence, your trust in yourself and life grows stronger.
This is how momentum builds:
As you stay committed to the process, you start to get feedback. Maybe it’s a small win at first – a positive interaction with someone, a breakthrough moment, a feeling of accomplishment. Slowly but surely, your reality starts to shift to match the internal changes you’ve been working on.
And this is the beautiful cycle:
- Commitment leads to action.
- Action leads to results.
- Results build trust.
- Trust leads to more commitment.
- More commitment leads to more action.
- More action leads to more results.
You open up a postive spiral of growth and realness!
As the evidence of your progress builds, the Reality Lag becomes a distant memory. You no longer need to wait for things to change – you’ve become the person who makes change happen.
That’s when you KNOW you’ve grown REAL.
Trusting Yourself and Life: The Ultimate Evidence of Growth
The end result of staying committed through the Reality Lag is that you begin to trust yourself and life in a new way. You stop second-guessing yourself at every turn because you’ve seen the results of your efforts. You trust that your decisions are aligned with your highest good, and you trust that life is responding to your internal shifts, even if it takes a little time to catch up.
Here’s the truth: the Reality Lag isn’t something to fear or avoid. It’s a natural part of the process. It’s the space where you prove your commitment, where you put your trust to the test and watch it grow.
The more you trust the process and keep showing up for yourself, the more momentum you build. And eventually, the Reality Lag disappears because the external world will be so aligned with your inner changes that they’ll no longer feel like two separate realities.
Conclusion: Stay Real and Keep Trusting
When you decide to change, everything already changes internally. The work is already happening within you. But the external world takes time to catch up, and that’s okay. The key is to keep trusting the process, staying committed to your vision, and acting from a place of authenticity and realness as you RIDE THROUGH UNCERTAINTY.
If you can weather the Reality Lag, you’ll start to see evidence of your transformation. Each small step will build on the next, and before you know it, your external reality will be a perfect reflection of the person you’ve become.
So, stay real out there. Trust yourself (do your best) and trust the journey (accept the rest). The world needs the real version of you, and with patience, commitment, and trust, that version is already on its way.
Stay real out there,
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