Yin and Yang and the Shadow Self: Finding Balance for More Energy and a Real Life

by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

Balancing Yin and Yang to find REALNESS.

We live in a world that values the hustle-and-bustle of activity for the sake of activity more than stillness for the sake of stillness – this article is about how we need to value BOTH of these states in order to live a real and balanced life (as long as we have the wisdom to know when to choose which state to put ourselves in).

In general, most of us will have either a Yin (Stillness) or Yang (Dynamism) state that we lean towards as part of our ‘nature’ (really, the way that we’ve chosen to identify because of whatever we’ve been through in life) – either getting caught up in the frenzy of constant activity or, alternatively, getting stuck in a cycle of passivity.

When we have an unreal relationship with these states, then it’s likely that we’ll experience that highs and lows of each extremity – too much action, too little rest – or vice versa.

What’s key, though, is that activity and stillness can BOTH become unreal if they’re out of balance – either because we’re acting too much because we’re driven by shame and an attempt to fill the Void or or because we’re spending too much time in stillness because we have shame or fear that causes us to hold back and hesitate in life.

What if one of the secrets to feeling more real, more grounded, and more energised lies in balancing these two seemingly opposing forces?

Well, actually, this is one of the ‘secrets’ and that’s what we’re going to explore in this article…

To understand the balance, we’ll explore the concept of Yin and Yang – the ancient Chinese philosophy that governs the dual nature of existence. In this article, we’ll explore how balancing these energies can help you create more flow, energy, and harmony in your life, and ultimately lead you to a place of greater fulfilment and REALNESS.

Let’s dive in:

Yin and Yang needs to be understood to bring balance into your life

The Yin and Yang of Life

At its core, Yin and Yang represent two complementary natural forces that are constantly at play in our lives:

Yin is the energy of stillness, rest, and receptivity, while Yang is the energy of action, dynamism, and force. These energies are not opposites in the way we often think, but rather they are interdependent -they exist in relation to each other, and one cannot exist without the other (because they’re both expressions of the same underlying wholeness showing up in different ways).

When we speak about Yang energy, we’re talking about the drive that pushes us to achieve, to create, and to take action – it’s the force that propels us forward, energises us, and gives us the willpower to tackle challenges. It’s masculine, active, light, and expansive energy that usually shows up when we’re in the sympathetic nervous system state (fight, flight, or freeze).

On the other hand, Yin energy is the quieter force – it’s about receptivity, stillness, and nourishment and allows us to pause, to reflect, to rest, and to recharge. Yin is feminine, passive, dark, and contracting – it creates space for us to breathe and to regain our energy after exerting ourselves and usually shows up when we’re in the parasympathetic nervous system state (rest and digest).

In the perfect world, both energies would be balanced, supporting and complementing one another by being activated as-and-when needed and allowing us to flow effortlessly through life.

In our modern culture of hustling, grinding, and feeding into the infamous rat race, it’s easy to get caught up in one energy or the other. When we do, we end up feeling either overwhelmed or underwhelmed, and life starts to feel out-of-sync as we take ourselves away from our own REAL path and our true place within the natural flow of life.

Yin Qualities	Yang Qualities
Stillness	Dynamism
Passivity	Action
Receptivity	Assertiveness
Introspection	Outward Focus
Darkness	Light
Cold	Hot
Feminine	Masculine
Contraction	Expansion
Rest	Activity
Softness	Hardness
Subtlety	Intensity
Reflection	Pragmatism
Quietness	Noise
Surrender	Control
Sensitivity	Strength
Intuition	Logic
Nurturing	Protection
Calm	Passionate

The Shadow Territory: Where Energy Gets Stuck

If you feel friction in your life – like you’re working hard but not seeing results, or perhaps you’re just not able to get motivated – there’s a good chance that you’re out of balance, and one of these energies is hiding in what I like to call the Shadow Territory (the ‘place’ where your Shadow Self resides).

The Shadow Territory is where all the ‘parts’ of ourselves that we suppress, hide, or avoid go into hiding because they don’t fit into the identity (ego) we’ve built around ourselves for self-preservation and protection (from underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma).

This can happen when we over-identify with one energy (Yin or Yang) and suppress the other, leaving it lurking in the shadows of our consciousness. The result? A sense of friction, disconnection, and a life that feels less real as you attempt to live in the Void that comes from being unreal (fragmented instead of moving towards wholeness).

For example:

If you’re someone who’s constantly on the go, constantly working, always striving to achieve more, you may have become overly-identified with Yang energy. You’re driven, but without balancing it with the calm and reflective power of Yin, you’re likely heading for stress and burnout. You’re pushing so hard that you’ve left rest, stillness, and self-reflection behind (which are needed to get the best results from yourself and life and to ensure that the actions you’re taking are aligned with who you really want to become).
On the other hand, if you’re someone who prioritises self-care, indulgence, and relaxation, you may have become overly identified with Yin energy. While this is important, overdoing Yin without integrating Yang (action, doing, results) can leave you feeling disconnected from reality, with life passing you by as you remain passive or in a perpetual state of ‘resting’. The world is evolving, but you’re not evolving with it and so eventually you end up stressed as it slips through your fingers.

Both extremes create friction – the feeling of being either ‘stuck’ or ‘lost’… and, while these extremes may get you results for a time, they’ll eventually leave you feeling unreal, disconnected from the flow of life and wanting something ‘more’.

That ‘more’ is always a return to real balance:

The Need for Balance

So, how can we find that delicate balance between Yin and Yang?

How can we stop feeling burned out, lost, or unproductive?

The answer lies in recognising that both energies are essential to living a real and fulfilled life:

In my own life, for example, I’ve found that balancing Yin and Yang has become the cornerstone of feeling more grounded, energised, and real. It’s just about knowing which energy will serve me the most at a given moment and also paying attention to how I can balance out what I’ve been doing with it’s opposite if need be.

Let me make this a bit more clear by sharing how I’ve structured my life to maintain balance:

Yang Energy: Work Hard and Take Action

Throughout the week, I prioritise action and dynamism – this is when I do my weights workouts (building strength, testing my limits), focus on work (coaching people etc.), and engage in activities that require effort and energy. This is my active, Yang energy time, where I show up fully and take charge of my responsibilities.
Yin Energy: Rest and Receptivity

However, this is only half the equation: After my weights workout, I make sure to do a Yin yoga session, allowing myself to rest and recover. I let my body, mind, and spirit rejuvenate…without this, the hard work I do during the week could easily lead to burnout.
The Wilderness Day: A Whole Day of Yin

On Saturdays, I take what I like to call a “Wilderness Day”, where I do very little. This day is entirely devoted to resting, reflecting, and recharging. I step back from my responsibilities and let myself and my life unfold naturally. I disconnect from work and allow myself to do only what feels playful or necessary – no forcing, no pushing, just being.

This balance of Yin and Yang ensures that I don’t burn out and also that I don’t become stagnant.

Why the Balance of Yin and Yang Matters

When we fail to balance Yin and Yang in our lives, we end up creating disharmony in the form of friction, frustration, and eventual misery – this disconnection can manifest in various ways, whether it’s feeling overwhelmed by work or feeling like we’re drifting through life without purpose.

Ultimately, a lack of balance causes us to feel unreal, detached from the truth of who we are and what life is.

The short-version is as follows:

When we over-identify with Yang, we end up in a state of constant motion, without time to reflect or rejuvenate. This will lead to burnout, fatigue, and stress.

When we over-identify with Yin, we risk becoming passive, inactive, and stagnant. Life will continue to evolve around us, but we won’t be fully engaged in it and eventually will be out-of-sync completely (which just brings stress as we then have to catch up).

By balancing both energies, we find the ability to take purposeful action when needed and rest and reflect when necessary. This creates a dynamic flow, where we move through life with a sense of purpose, clarity, and energy and continue to evolve and grow real over time.

Practical Steps to Balance Yin and Yang

Now that we’ve discussed the importance of Yin and Yang, how can you start implementing this balance in your own life?

Here are some practical steps to begin integrating this dual energy flow:

Recognise Your Imbalance

Take a moment to reflect on where you might be over-identifying with one energy:

Are you always on the go, working hard and striving for more (Yang)? Or are you prioritising rest and relaxation at the cost of action (Yin)?

Once you recognise which energy is out of balance – and how your IDENTITY is holding you back – you can begin to rebalance it out.
Add More Yin to Your Yang

If you’re feeling burned out, stressed, or disconnected, it might be time to add more stillness to your routine. Try incorporating practices like meditation, yoga, or mindful breathing to slow down and reset. Take time for self-care, but make sure you’re not just resting without purpose – in other words, make a CONSCIOUS CHOICE to slow down when you need to…don’t just slow down.
Add More Yang to Your Yin

If you’re feeling stagnant or like life is slipping away from you, it’s probably time to take more action so set clear goals and take steps towards them. Even small actions – whether it’s writing a to-do list, working on a project, or getting out of your comfort zone – can help kick-start your Yang energy.
Create Balanced Rituals

Structure your week around a balance of action and rest. For example, after a day of intense Yang work, make sure to wind down with quiet Yin time, creative outlets, or even a relaxing walk. Create pockets of time for stillness between bursts of dynamic activity.
Take Wilderness Days

Schedule time off to completely disconnect from work – this could be one day a week or a couple of hours each day. During this time, do what feels right – read, walk, relax, or simply enjoy being present without the pressure of tasks and responsibilities.

Conclusion

In the dance of Yin and Yang, there is a delicate balance between action and receptivity, between dynamism and stillness:

The key to real energy and real life is not in focusing exclusively on one energy or the other but in finding harmony between the two. When we balance Yang energy with Yin energy, we create a fluid, dynamic rhythm in our lives that allows us to take action when needed, rest when necessary, and that leads to more energy, clarity, and fulfilment.

Where in your life can you create more balance between Yin and Yang?

Stay real out there,

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