Trust - Page 2

Why Your Life Sucks (and What to Do About It)

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If life sucks then it’s time to grow REAL…it’s really that simple.

If you’ve ever felt like your life is on a treadmill of mediocrity, filled with frustration, emptiness, or an unshakable sense that something is off, then you’re not alone – it’s one of the most common ‘problems’ of the human condition and it’s something that we all deal with at some stage in our lives.

Here’s what you need to know to get out of this state of sucking ‘stuckness’ and to get back on track: your life sucks because you’ve deviated from your real path. You’ve somehow become out-of-sync with yourself, running on autopilot, reacting instead of creating, and drowning in the noise of a fragmented self trying to make sense of itself in a fragmented world.

Thankfully, this isn’t just about ‘bad’ luck, external circumstances, or some cosmic joke at your expense -no, the real reason you’re stuck is because of underlying emotional baggage—shame, guilt, and/or trauma (in the worst cases) – and the tangled dance between the Ego and the Shadow Self (aka the Shadow Dance) that keeps you trapped in cycles of self-sabotage and a life that isn’t as REAL as you want it to be…and the more real it becomes, the less life SUCKS.

The ‘good’ news is you don’t have to stay in this situation for the rest of your life because there’s a roadmap back to wholeness, purpose, and realness that anybody can follow and that will stop your life from sucking if you commit to the REAL ACTION that it asks you to take.

This article will break it down step-by-step and get you moving again.

Let’s dive in:

How the Ego and Shadow Went to War (Why You’re Fragmented in the First Place)

You weren’t born this way and your life wasn’t ‘meant’ to SUCK from the get go – nobody comes into the world ashamed, fearful, or pretending to be someone they’re not.

The truth is that you were born whole but ‘life’ taught you to be fragmented and to identify with the ‘parts’ of yourself and not the whole. That took you off a REAL path and now life ‘sucks’.

In short, you were born for UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE, but – somewhere along the line – you got the message – directly or indirectly – that certain parts of you weren’t ‘acceptable‘:

Maybe you were too loud, too sensitive, too bold, too creative (we can be conditioned to disown both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things about ourselves but they’re all real and we need all of them) – maybe you were told to “man up”, “stop crying”, or to “behave like a lady”; perhaps life hit you with rejection, abandonment, or pain, and you concluded (often unconsciously) that being your true self was dangerous.

This is where fragmentation begins.

To help you survive all this and to deal with it emotionally etc., your mind splits into two main forces:

  • The Ego – The part of you that tries to create an acceptable identity to fit in, be loved, and stay ‘safe’. It focuses on control, creating an ‘acceptable’ self-image, and chasing external validation.
  • The Shadow – The parts of you that get suppressed, buried, or disowned. This includes your real desires, emotions, and even strengths that didn’t seem ‘acceptable’ at the time (according to standards and judgements that somebody came up with because of their own Shadow Dance and the parts of themselves they weren’t ready to face).

The Ego and Shadow were never meant to be at war – originally, they were part of the same whole but once shame and fear entered the picture, a battle began:

  • The Ego works overtime to maintain an illusion of control. It creates masks, pursues validation, and clings to beliefs that make life feel predictable and safe so that we keep uncomfortable emotions (most commonly shame) at bay.
  • The Shadow lurks in the background, waiting to be acknowledged. It seeps through in moments of anger, jealousy, depression, self-sabotage, or self-doubt but is always running the show beneath the surface of our lives because it needs to be made conscious so that we can fill the Void and feel WHOLE again.

Most people live out their whole lives experiencing the tension of the Shadow Dance, trying to suppress their Shadow while letting their Ego call the shots and lead them more and more deeply into fragmentation and the Void that is opened up when we are disconnected from the TRUTH about ourselves, the world, and reality.

This is why life starts to suck – they feel restless, anxious, and empty because half of them is missing.

But at some point – if they’re lucky – something starts to wake them up.

It could be a crisis, a loss, an existential breakdown, or simply the quiet realisation that they’re not really living in a REAL WAY (which is why you’re probably reading this article and landed on this page).

When that happens, they’ve reached a turning point – a crossroads between UNREAL (fragmentation) and REAL (wholeness). The only way forward is integration – learning to bring the Ego and Shadow back together into a whole, real, and aligned self.

If you want your life to stop SUCKING then it’s time to do the same.

Here’s a roadmap to get you started – if you take the REAL ACTION, you will get the RESULTS:

How Do You Get Out and Stop Life Sucking? (The Roadmap Back to Realness)

The way forward isn’t about some quick fix or fake positivity – it’s about rebuilding from the ground up by following the transformational process of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action (this is the process that I walk my coaching clients through – you can also read more about it in my book Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World):

1. Awareness: See the Truth Without Flinching

You can’t change what you don’t see – so the first step is to wake up to what’s actually going on in your life and the patterns and conditioning that are holding you back from your REAL life.

It starts by asking yourself some of the QUESTIONS that will break you out of the ways of thinking that have led to you currently being ‘stuck’ and thinking that life sucks:

  • Where are you playing small?
  • What emotions are you avoiding?
  • What patterns keep repeating in your relationships, work, and habits?
  • Where are you reacting to life when you could be creating it?
  • Etc. Etc. Etc. (these are just examples and there are an infinite amount of questions, depending on your current situation and where you’ve already been in life).

Self-inquiry is key here:

Journaling, meditation, or simply sitting with your thoughts instead of numbing out can help you get brutally honest with yourself. Of course, working with a coach like me can speed up your progress here too.

One of the key points here is that it’s not just about intellectualising things at this stage – you also want to feel them. If you carry shame, acknowledge it; if you’re afraid, sit with it – Awareness isn’t just about understanding – it’s about experiencing reality without running from it so that you can see who you really are and see what life is (and when you see yourself and life clearly then life as a whole has to suck less because the only reason life sucks is because you currently don’t see these things).

2. Acceptance: Stop Fighting Reality

Once you see what’s going on, your next instinct might be to fight it – to beat yourself up for past mistakes, deny uncomfortable truths, or try to force immediate change. This is your ego trying to regain control by causing resistance (preventing you from acting on or accepting what’s real) and distortion (showing you illusions instead of truth to keep you trapped in the illusion that life sucks).

Real acceptance isn’t about resignation – it’s about recognising where you are without resistance and distortion so you can ACCEPT IT:

  • If you’ve wasted years on the wrong path? Accept it. Now move forward.
  • If you’ve built your life around external validation? Accept it. Now choose differently.
  • If you’ve been living in fear? Accept it. Now work through it.

Acceptance sets you free because it removes the friction of avoidance and helps you find a solid foundation on which to BUILD a life that doesn’t suck. In short, when you stop fighting reality, you finally have the energy to change it.

3. Action: Do Your Best and Let Go of the Rest

Once you see clearly and accept where you are, the only thing left to do is act.

But this isn’t about mindless hustle or forcing outcomes – it’s about taking REAL ACTION – action that aligns with your deepest values and moves you towards a deeper sense of wholeness and connection instead of that fragmentation that’s currently making life suck.

To do this, you need:

A Vision That’s Bigger Than You

The brutal truth is that most people drift through life because they have no compelling reason to move forward – without this compelling reason they just end up kind of ‘coping’ with life and falling into whatever is thrown at them (being an EFFECT instead of a CAUSE).

Get clear on what matters to you and create a REAL VISION for where you’re headed – this isn’t about ego-driven goals (money, fame, validation) but about what you’re here to build, create, and contribute as an extension of your own REALNESS.

Goals That Bridge the Gap

Once you have a vision, break it down into GOALS:

What can you do this year? This month? Today?

Small, consistent steps compound over time – this helps you to master the mundane and transform your life over time.

Daily Habits That Anchor You in Reality

Once your vision and goals have been set, you can start to figure out the HABITS that will shape your reality day-by-day as you close the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future (your vision).

The secret weapon with daily habits is to build and COMMIT to ones that support your nervous system, mind, and body so that you stop running on autopilot and escape the outdated conditioning of EGO – this will also allow you to start integrating the SHADOW and moving towards wholeness with increasing frequency (if you actually DO your habits, move towards your goals, and realise that VISION).

Here’s what actually works:

  • Regulate Your Nervous System – Most people are stuck in fight-or-flight mode. Breathe deeply, slow down, and cultivate stillness.
  • Get Into Your Body – Stop living in your head. Train, move, and reconnect with your physical presence.
  • Master Your Mind – Your thoughts aren’t reality. Learn to observe them, question them, and replace the ones that keep you stuck. This free ‘Thought Log’ tool will help you do this: Hamster Wheel Thought Log
  • Stretch Your Comfort Zone (Without Panic) – Growth happens in the stretch zone, not the panic zone. Push yourself, but don’t break yourself.

The Final Piece: Make Your Values Valuable to Others

One of the biggest reasons people feel lost is that they’re too focused on themselves – this just makes life suck because none of us are made to focus on ourselves alone (we need others to go deeper into relationships and to keep growing through our own ‘stuff’).

The bottom line is that a REAL purpose comes from contributing to something bigger. This doesn’t mean self-sacrifice or being a martyr – it just means finding ways to give while growing yourself at the same time.

The formula?

  • Identify what you truly value.
  • Develop real skills around it.
  • Share those skills in a way that benefits others.

As you do this, you’ll start to build a real community:

Find people who align with your path; surround yourself with those who push you to be better. Nobody grows in isolation.

Bringing It All Together

If your life sucks, it’s not because you’re cursed or broken – it’s because you’ve drifted too far from what’s real. The only SOLUTION is to start to put yourself back on your own real path by working to disrupt and heal the SHADOW DANCE, cultivating a VISION for yourself, breaking this down into GOALS, and then taking daily action with your HABITS so you can keep growing into yourself and with others.

To start turning things around:

  1. Wake up – See your patterns and conditioning for what they are by raising Awareness.
  2. Stop fighting reality – Accept where you are without resistance so you have a solid foundation on which to build.
  3. Take real action – Build your vision, break it down, and move forward daily with the right habits.
  4. Regulate your nervous system – Get out of survival mode.
  5. Master your mind – Stop letting thoughts control you.
  6. Give while growing – Make your values valuable to others.

And most importantly, trust yourself and trust life – do your best, and let go of the rest because only if you really TRUST can you LET GO of ego and stop things from sucking.

This is how you stop living in a fragmented, frustrating existence and step into REALNESS and – once you do – your life won’t suck anymore.

It’ll be real.

Stay real out there,

Live in Abundance Every Day: Learning to Trust the Flow of Life

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Things Come and Things Go…That’s Just Life and its Tides (It’s Not ‘Personal’)

Abundance is often misunderstood.

We tend to think of it as something we possess – a ‘full’ bank account (though there’s always another number so this shows that ‘full’ is impossible), an overflowing table, a life free from struggle, fear, and doubt.

Here’s the reality, though:

True abundance isn’t about what we have in our hands at any given moment; it’s about the ongoing flow of things moving in and out of our lives – just like the tides.

As almost always, nature is our best teacher when it comes to this – look at the ocean, for example:

The tide goes out, but it always comes back in – it’s a rhythm, a cycle, a movement that never truly stops – unless we block it with some kind of ‘unnatural’ intervention (like a dam or something).

The same is true for abundance:

When we fight the natural rhythms of life – when we cling too tightly to what we have or become impatient about what we lack – we disrupt the flow because we use mental concepts and unreal beliefs as a kind of ‘dam’ that stops things flowing. Instead of trusting in the tide by being REAL, we try to control it because of EGO and that’s when we start to feel scarcity, fear, and frustration.

To live in true abundance, we need to stop resisting and start flowing.

Let’s dig a little deeper:

Why Abundance Feels Like It Disappears

It’s a law of nature that everything moves:

Seasons change, fruit ripens, falls and then decays; the tide ebbs and flows. Nothing is ever truly static -except in our minds and interpretations about ourselves, the world, and reality.

The ego craves certainty and permanence – it wants things to stay put so that we can feel ‘safe’ within our own identity (which really is most often just a fragmented version of who we are because it keeps the Shadow Self at bay).

It tells us things like:

  • “I finally have ‘enough’ – what if I lose it?”
  • “Why isn’t what I want here yet? I must be doing something wrong”.
  • “I need to control this situation/event/thing/person so I don’t get hurt“.

But REAL life doesn’t work like that – the moment we cling to what we have or panic about what we don’t have, we shift from flowing with life to fighting against it; from trusting life to resisting life. When we do this, we cut ourselves off from the very process that brings abundance in the first place.

This is what we call a scarcity mindset, but at its core, it’s really just a misunderstanding of reality caused by the way we identify with EGO instead of our realness.

Scarcity vs. Flow: The Misperception That Holds Us Back

A scarcity mindset isn’t about how much we do or don’t have – it’s about how we perceive reality.

When we’re ‘stuck’ in scarcity, we normally do one of two things:

  1. We cling to what we have:
    • We hold on too tightly to money, relationships, status, or opportunities, fearing they won’t come again.
    • This just leads to anxiety, control issues, and a resistance to change.
  2. We become impatient about what we don’t have:
    • We focus obsessively on what’s missing and feel frustrated that it hasn’t arrived yet.
    • This creates desperation, self-doubt, and an inability to enjoy the present. It also stops us being able to TRUST ourselves and life (on a long enough timeline).

Both of these reactions take us out of reality and wholeness and cause us to cling to fragmented beliefs and ideas:

Instead of aligning with life’s natural flow, we either try to pause it (by holding on) or fast-forward it (by forcing things to happen). Both of these, of course, are absolutely impossible because real life keeps moving (these two things – pausing and fast-forwarding – are just a lack of acceptance in the form of the ego’s control freakery).

The truth is actually quite simple, though:

Real abundance isn’t something to be held or chased – it’s something to be TRUSTED.

The Secret to Abundance: Trusting the Tide

If we truly understand the rhythms of life, we stop fearing the natural ebb and flow:

Just as the tide goes out but always comes back in, abundance follows the same pattern:

  • Sometimes we have more, sometimes we have less – but the underlying process of flow that creates abundance is always there.
  • Sometimes opportunities flood in, sometimes there’s a quiet pause – but the flow is always moving and if we can TRUST and be patient then what we need will show itself.
  • Sometimes life feels full, sometimes it feels empty – but balance is always being restored as we go through natural cycles of TENSION and RELEASE.

Abundance isn’t about hoarding or rushing (both of those are symptomatic of a scarcity mindset) – it’s about trusting that as long as we stay open to the flow, everything we need will arrive in its time.

This is why gratitude and trust are so powerful.

  • When we’re grateful for what we have now, we’re flowing with the tide instead of resisting it. This is because gratitude puts us in a state of acceptance and acceptance always means that we’re seeing reality clearly (and abundance is just part of what’s real – look around you!).
  • When we trust that what we need is on its way, we stop grasping and allow the cycle to unfold naturally. Thgis means that we will reach out for the things that are REAL for us, rather than things we just think we need because of F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”) and desperation.

The short-version is this:

Life is balance in process. Go with it.

How to Live in Abundance Every Day

Understanding these ideas is one thing – living them is another; here’s how you can start integrating the flow of abundance into your daily life:

1. Pay Attention to the Rhythms in Your Own Life

Just like nature has its cycles, so does everything else:

  • Your finances will have seasons of growth and quiet.
  • Your energy levels will have days of high productivity and days of rest.
  • Your relationships will have moments of deep connection and moments of space.

Instead of panicking when something ebbs, recognise that it’s part of a cycle. The tide will return because “what goes up must come down”.

Ask yourself: Where am I resisting a natural rhythm in my life? What would happen if I trusted the process instead?

You know if you’re resisting a natural rhythm because you will feel unnatural friction.

2. Shift from Hoarding to Flowing

If you tend to cling to what you have, try loosening your grip:

  • If you’re scared to spend money, give a little away and trust that more will come.
  • If you’re holding on too tightly to a relationship, allow some space and see how the connection deepens naturally.
  • If you’re hoarding ideas or creativity out of fear they’ll run out, express them freely and watch how inspiration continues to flow.

Ask yourself: What am I holding onto out of fear? How can I start trusting the tide instead?

We cling because we don’t believe that something really belongs with us. This is almost always because we’re driven by SHAME instead of anything REAL.

3. Replace Impatience with Trust

If you tend to fixate on what you don’t have yet, practice letting go of urgency:

  • Instead of stressing about why something hasn’t happened, remind yourself: “Everything that’s REAL unfolds in its time”
  • Instead of forcing an outcome, focus on what you can do today to stay in flow. This is where you have the most influence anyway (in the process, not on the result).
  • Instead of obsessing over when things will come, practice trusting that they will.

Ask yourself: What am I trying to force? What would happen if I relaxed and let it unfold?

When we don’t TRUST ourselves or life, then we try to RUSH but life is too short to rush.

4. Cultivate a Daily Practice of Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just about feeling good – it’s a practical tool for staying in flow by cultivating ACCEPTANCE. The more you appreciate what’s already here, the more you align with the rhythm of abundance on the way to whatever comes along next.

Try this:

  • Every morning, list three things you’re grateful for.
  • Every night, reflect on one way life provided for you that day without you even doing anything (even in small ways).
  • Throughout the day, whenever you notice scarcity creeping in, shift your focus to something you already have and are grateful for.

💡 Ask yourself: Where is abundance already present in my life? How can I tune into that more?

An attitude of gratitude keeps you in reality and out of the ego.

5. Let Go and Trust the Bigger Process

At the heart of all of this is trust – trusting that life knows what it’s doing, that you are supported, and that abundance is always flowing, even when you can’t see it yet.

Whenever doubt creeps in, remember:

The tide goes out but it always comes back .

And that’s the rhythm you were always meant to move with.

Final Thoughts: Abundance Is Already Yours

You don’t have to chase abundance; you don’t have to hoard it; you don’t have to F.E.A.R losing it.

Abundance is already part of the fabric of life – t’s in the tides, in the changing seasons, in the natural flow of everything around you.

If you trust the process and align yourself with gratitude, patience, and flow, you’ll realise that abundance was never something you had to fight for. It’s something that’s received, not achieved.

It was always there – moving, shifting, returning; all you have to do is let go and move with it.

Stay real out there,

The Shadow Dance: Reclaiming Your Unlived Life

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The Ego and the Shadow Self are In Constant Conflict: This is the SHADOW DANCE

Most of us are living what Thoreau described as “Lives of quiet desperation” – this is because we’re ‘living’ and acting out a version of ourselves that is, at best, a fragmented fraction of who we really are in wholeness:

We wear masks, we suppress certain parts of ourselves, and we become tangled in a never-ending dance between who we think we are (Ego) and who we’ve buried in the Shadow Territory (the real self we abandoned along the way because of shame, guilt, and/or trauma – check out Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World to go deeper).

This dance – which I like to call the Shadow Dance – is the internal struggle that stops us from fully stepping into our REALNESS – those most alive and purpose-driven version of who we actually are in TRUTH.

If you feel restless, ‘stuck’, or just generally full of friction and frustration – because things never seem to go ‘right’ – then here’s the uncomfortable truth that will ultimately ‘save’ you (help you get back on the track towards wholeness):

Everything you truly want, everything that would you feel whole, everything that would bring you back to a sense of deep alignment, is hidden in the SHADOW TERRITORY.

Let’s dig a little deeper:

How We Lose Ourselves in the Shadow Dance

Let’s break it down to understand how we end up in this situation:

  1. We are born real and connected to wholeness.
    As children, we don’t overthink our actions – we just are. We express freely, feel deeply, and move through life without the weight of self-judgement or societal expectations.
  2. Something happens that causes us to feel shame.
    It could be trauma, rejection, criticism, or simply an experience that makes us believe that who we are isn’t fully acceptable and causes us to feel SHAME (the most common cause of this inner split). At that moment, fragmentation begins and we start to act, feel, and/or think as other than we actually are in TRUTH.
  3. Parts of us get sent into hiding.
    Maybe we were told we were “too much” or “too sensitive” or “too wild” – whatever the case, we start suppressing these real parts of ourselves (both ‘good’ and ‘bad’), locking them away in the Shadow Territory where they remain unseen but never go anywhere because what’s real is always real.
  4. We create a mask to survive.
    In response to this fragmentation, we construct an identity – an ego– that is shaped by external approval rather than internal truth. We become what we think we need to be to fit in, to be loved, to stay safe.
  5. We identify with the mask, and the Shadow Dance begins.
    At this point, we’ve forgotten that the mask is just a survival mechanism. We think it’s who we really are. Underneath, though, there’s always a tension – a friction between the ego we show the world and the shadow self we’ve rejected.

This dance between ego and shadow is exhausting and can totally derail our lives – it keeps us playing small, living half-truths, and wondering why we feel unfulfilled, stuck, or disconnected from life.

The reason is simple: we are disconnected from life and so we need to find our way back so we can close the Void.

Why We Fear Our Shadow Self (Even Though It Holds Our Freedom)

Most of us avoid our shadow because we assume it only contains pain, shame, and darkness and, while those things might be buried in there, they’re not the full story. In fact, our greatest gifts are also locked away in the shadow:

  • Our creativity (suppressed because we were told it wasn’t practical)
  • Our real emotions (buried because they were “too much”)
  • Our authentic desires (hidden because they didn’t fit into the expectations placed on us)
  • Our power and energy (diluted because it made others uncomfortable)
  • Our connection to God, truth, and flow (ignored because we prioritised external validation over inner knowing)
  • Our ability to TRUST ourselves and life and get the REAL results we want (ignored because we grew up in a cynical world and trust is seen as being impractical).
  • Etc. Etc. Etc.

Everything we yearn for in life – passion, depth, meaning – is waiting for us in the shadows but to access it, we need to stop protecting the ego’s illusion of safety and start trusting the process of real integration.

Here’s how you can start to do so:

Breaking Free: How to Step Out of the Shadow Dance

How do we stop running from our realness and reclaim the unlived life we abandoned along the way?

1. Recognise When You’re ‘Protecting’ the Ego

The ego’s job is to keep us comfortable and so it avoids anything that threatens its identity (this is why certain events can ‘trigger’ or ‘activate’ people). The problem is, real growth is uncomfortable and so if we only listen to the ego, we’ll never evolve.

The short-version is that the ego takes us out of reality because it’s the opposite of reality. If we want results, then we need to flip this on its head because the only place we can get results is…reality.

Start paying attention to when you’re defending yourself, making excuses, or resisting change – more often than not, these are moments when the shadow is knocking at the door and you’re refusing to answer because you’re not making conscious choices but being prompted by the old conditioning of ego.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I avoiding something because it challenges who I think I am?
  • Am I afraid of stepping into something bigger but, ultimately, better for me?
  • Am I staying small because it feels ‘safer’ despite what I know I really want?

2. Reclaim the ‘Parts’ of You That Were Sent into Hiding

What did you love as a child but abandon as you grew up? What aspects of yourself have you suppressed out of fear of judgement?

A powerful exercise: Make a list of qualities, desires, and interests that you’ve ignored or denied then, ask yourself:

  • Where did this suppression start?
  • Who does this suppression benefit (if it’s not ‘You’ then you need to make a change and grow real)?
  • What would happen if I allowed this ‘part’ of me to resurface?
  • How can I start integrating this into my life again by taking REAL ACTION?

For example, if you used to be wildly creative but shut it down because it wasn’t ‘practical’ or ‘useful’, then start creating again – not for external success or validation but simply because doing so is REAL to you.

3. Merge Past, Present, and Future into One Flowing Reality

True integration happens when we bring together who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming into one seamless, flowing experience of REAL life.

  • The past: Instead of avoiding old wounds, integrate them – face them, process them, and see them as part of who you are in wholeness rather than a reason to remain fragmented.
  • The present: Live moment to moment, responding to reality as it unfolds instead of reacting from old patterns which are always EGO.
  • The future: Use your vision as a compass – not something to obsess over, but something that creates a healthy tension that pulls you forward while keeping you in flow.

When we do this, we stop being at war with ourselves and can stop the Shadow Dance from pulling us to pieces – instead, we move with life rather than against it.

4. Let Go of the Fear and Just Trust the Process

Everything we’re looking for is on the other side of letting go:

Letting go of old identities, letting go of ego-driven fears, letting go of the belief that staying safe is more important than being real (though, paradoxically, your REALNESS is the safest thing in the universe).

If you keep letting go, then eventually you’ll find the TRUTH – this is a fact. If you don’t feel stable within yourself, then it means there’s something to let go of that’s keeping you from your REALNESS. Letting go in this way takes TRUST but you will always find what you want in the end.

Despite popular misconceptions, trust of this kind isn’t passive – it’s an active surrender to the process of unfolding. The more we trust, the more we flow; the more we flow, the more we reclaim the energy we’ve buried in the Shadow Territory and can start to live our real life.

This also brings more energy because we no longer have to keep fighting reality and feeding into our illusions (ego) – and the more energy we reclaim, the more alive we become.

Final Thoughts: Living the Life That’s Really Yours

Your REAL, unlived life isn’t lost – it’s just waiting for you in the shadows. The version of you that feels whole, powerful, creative, and deeply connected is still there, beneath the layers of ego and F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”).

The choice is always there: stay ‘safe’ in the illusion or step into realness.

Stay real out there,

Check out Shadow Life: Freedom From BS in an Unreal World to go much deeper into the Shadow Dance and what you can do about it.

Guiding into FLOW: You Can Only Take Others as Deep as You’ve Been Yourself (Coaches, ‘Healers’, and Mentors)

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The More You Get Into the Flow, the More You Can Guide Others Into It

This is one mainly for the coaches, ‘healers’, and mentors out there (but anybody can learn from it):

There’s a simple but powerful truth about personal growth, coaching, and any kind of guiding or ‘helping’ role we might find ourselves playing in life: you can only take others as deep as you’ve gone yourself.

This essentially means that the more you’re in the flow, the more you can help others find it too; if you’re forcing things, resisting, or stuck in your own ego-based patterns, then you’ll just end up projecting that onto others and holding them back – even if your intentions are ‘good’.

This is why the best coaches, mentors, and teachers aren’t just experts in their fields; they’re deeply connected to their own process of growth and are continuously working to GROW REAL and to do their own ‘inner work’ as the move towards wholeness and realness instead of fragmentation and ego.

Many of the best ‘teachers’ and ‘healers’ have only learned to help people in a real way because they’ve lived through the struggle, let go of their illusions, and learned to trust the natural flow of life while still taking real action (in other words, they’ve been through a PERSONAL REVOLUTION).

In fact, I’d actually go so far as to say that if you find a therapist, coach, or anything else that’s completely put together and doesn’t have any of the RAWNESS that comes from getting to the other side of letting go of their ‘stuff’ and finding something true, then you might be working with somebody who only understands things ‘conceptually’ but hasn’t actually LIVED it in experience (the scenery is different but the path towards wholeness is the same structure for all of us).

Anyway, here’s the thing:

Everybody is in their own flow, but it’s all flowing towards the same truth – wholeness. If you hold on to the fragments that stop you flowing then you might not be helping others but holding them back.

Let’s get into it:

What is Flow?

Flow isn’t just a buzzword – it’s a natural state of engagement with REAL life.

It’s the space where:

  • Your actions align with reality, not ego resistance or distortion.
  • You trust yourself and life (“do your best and accept the rest”), rather than trying to force or control things because of underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma.
  • You let go of attachment to outcomes, yet still take real, meaningful action in the PROCESS of life (not just your ideas about it).
  • You move with energy rather than against it because you know that emotions are e-motion, energy in motion and that things keep evolving towards more WHOLENESS (there’s a natural drive towards wholeness in all of us and the main thing that makes us miserable is blocking it with ego).

Flow isn’t about passivity or waiting for life to hand you what you want – it’s about aligning yourself so fully with reality that everything starts to move effortlessly.

When you’re in flow, decisions become clearer, your work feels easier, and life seems to ‘click’ into place because the action that you’re taking is REAL ACTION (instead of unreal, ego action) and compounds on itself over time.

And the best part? Flow is contagious.

When you’re truly in flow, you naturally start to guide others into it as well:

This isn’t about teaching them a rigid system or giving them step-by-step formulas – it’s about creating a space where they can tap into their own flow and trust their own process to see who they really are in their REALNESS.

The ‘Helping’ Professions and the Art of Guiding Others into Flow

Most effective coaching, therapy, and leadership boil down to this:

Helping people build enough momentum in their own lives until they can let go completely and unblock that natural drive towards wholeness.

At its core, real transformation is about removing the mental, emotional, and physical blocks that stop people from flowing with life as it already is. When someone resists life – whether through F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”), attachment, self-doubt, false narratives, or any other form of fragmentation – they create friction.

Friction eventually turns to frustration and frustration turns to misery unless we take a pause and return to REALITY. A good coach, mentor, or guide helps remove that friction so the person can move forward naturally.

This isn’t about ‘fixing’ anyone – though there are many narcissistic peopel working in the healing professions who try to fix others to distract themselves from their own perceived ‘brokenness’ – because no one is broken (just confused, a lot of the time).

Instead, the role of a guide is to help people reconnect with their own truth and their own process of flowing back towards wholeness.

The Problem with Forcing Instead of Flowing

Many people – especially in coaching and leadership roles – fall into the trap of forcing rather than flowing.

This usually happens when:

  • They haven’t done enough of their own inner work and project their unresolved issues onto others.
  • They try to ‘fix’ people – based on their own assumptions etc. – rather than trust their own process.
  • They get too attached to a specific outcome rather than focusing on the journey.
  • They rely on rigid methods instead of adapting to what the moment requires.

When a coach (or any guide) isn’t in their own flow, they unconsciously create resistance in their clients – in other words, they push when they should be holding space and try to control when they should be trusting. This is because they have underlying SHAME that causes them to be rigid in their own lives because they’re being driven by it instead of dissolving it through REAL ACTION.

When this happens, instead of guiding someone into their own authentic path, they end up pulling them into a pre-packaged model of how things ‘should’ be based on their own assumptions and limitations projected onto the client.

That’s why real coaching and leadership start with self-mastery.

You can only help others trust themselves and life if you trust yourself and life; you can only help others let go if you’ve done it. You can only help others move with life if you’re not constantly fighting it yourself.

If you find yourself talking to a coach or ‘healer’ who has the characteristics of a control freak or who is generally rigid and lifeless then maybe think about if this is the kind of energy you want to be bringing in your own life; also, don’t work with somebody who treats you as a ‘victim’ or wraps you in cotton wool – find somebody who can meet you on a REAL LEVEL and just go as deep as you need to go in a given moment.

(This is totally shameless self-promotion but – if you’re looking for somebody like that – you can book a call with me for a REAL CONVERSATION).

Building Flow: The Key to Becoming a Real Guide

So, how do you build flow in your own life so you can guide others into it?

1. Get Into Wholeness Yourself

A simple but powerful phrase to remember is:

“I am that I am in wholeness and wholeness is in me” (from my book ‘Trust’).

This isn’t just a nice-sounding mantra – it’s a deep truth. You are already whole; life is already whole. The more you stop resisting what already is and start aligning with it, the more naturally things will unfold and you can start building flow.

2. Trust and Let Go

Most people hold themselves back because they’re afraid to trust – they fear that if they don’t control every aspect of life, things will fall apart. Control is an illusion, though, and the more you try to force things, the more you create resistance that leads to friction, frustration, and then misery.

Trust doesn’t mean being passive: it means taking action without attachment – it means doing what you need to do without outsourcing your self-worth to the outcome. This means setting goals but then taking your focus away from it, doing your best and accepting the rest, and living in the process through REAL ACTION rather than getting caught up in your head.

3. Commit to Real Action

Flow isn’t about sitting back and waiting for things to happen – that’s passivity and wishful thinking. Instead, it’s about moving with life, taking action from a place of alignment (with your REALNESS) rather than fear.

Whenever you feel ‘stuck’, the key is to take action that aligns with what’s real.

That means:

  • Listening to your intentions rather than your anxieties.
  • Doing what feels natural and expansive rather than forced and draining.
  • Acting from clarity rather than desperation.

4. Be an Example, Not Just a Teacher

People learn more from how you live than what you say – if you’re trying to guide others into flow (which is what all ‘healers’ are ultimately doing, be in it yourself.

  • Walk your talk.
  • Let go of your own resistance.
  • Show, don’t just tell.

If you’re constantly pushing, struggling, and forcing, that energy will ripple out to the people you’re trying to help. But if you’re in flow – trusting, moving, and acting from reality rather than F.E.A.R – that will naturally inspire others to do the same.

When you’re real, you give others ‘permission’ to be the same. Sometimes, you have to be the one to step up and set the tone.

5. Stay Open to Growth

Flow isn’t something you ‘achieve’ once and then keep forever – it’s an ongoing process. You’re always deepening, always expanding, always evolving.

The more you learn, let go, and trust, the more effortlessly life moves, and – the more effortlessly life moves – the more you can guide others into doing the same.

Final Thoughts: Flow is the Ultimate Guide

At the end of the day, real transformation happens when people learn to flow with life rather than fight it.

As a coach, leader, or mentor, your job isn’t to ‘fix’ people or give them all the answers – it’s to help them reconnect with their own process, build momentum, and trust the journey of growing REAL.

And the best way to do that? Live it yourself.

  • If you want to help others let go, let go first.
  • If you want to help others move forward, move forward first.
  • If you want to help others trust themselves and life, trust yourself and life first.

Because the more you’re in the flow, the more you can guide others into it, too.

And watching people build their own flow? That’s one of the most powerful, rewarding experiences there is.

Stay real out there,

Unconscious Conscious Superconscious: The Call to Integration and WHOLENESS

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When an Idea Won’t Let Go the GO WITH IT

There’s something thrilling about an idea that just won’t leave you alone – one moment, it’s a fleeting thought, barely graspable; the next, it’s gripping you by the collar, demanding attention, rearranging your life, and reshaping how you see yourself, the world, and reality itself.

When this happens, it’s more than just inspiration – it’s a call:

A call from the depths of your unconscious, and in the highest cases, from something even greater – the Superconscious, the Universal Mind, the Ether, whatever name you want to give it…that something that we all know is where we long to return because – deep down – we all know that it’s REAL.

When these ideas start to break through, we have a choice:

We can ignore them, try to push them back down, pretend we didn’t hear or we can listen, surrender, and trust the process. The first of these option always leads us more deeply into the EGO; the second allows us to face the SHADOW SELF and whatever we’ve been ‘hiding’ as we let this idea take us back to where we belong: a state of WHOLENESS.

But here’s the thing whichever option you CHOOSE:

If the idea is REAL, there is no stopping it.

The Ideas That ‘Choose’ You

Think about the moments when something truly creative, meaningful, or transformative has entered your life – it might have been a book you suddenly felt compelled to write, a project you needed to complete, or a truth about yourself that refused to stay hidden and so you decided to pull on the thread and unravel yourself (or, more accurately, your ego).

In many cases, these aren’t just passing whims but invitations – to grow, to express, to evolve into something more REAL.

Most recently, I’ve felt this myself with my latest book, TRUST, and before that with the Flow Builder Journal. Both started as whispers – faint but persistent…then they became obsessions.

Before I knew it, I had no choice but to follow them to completion (if I wanted to accept myself and not have to spend all day wrestling in my mind).

That’s the nature of real ideas. They come when the time is right, when some unconscious ‘thing’ inside you is ready to be made conscious.

And that’s why ignoring them doesn’t work – because the ‘stuff’ that’s ‘down’ there is often some of the realest ‘stuff’ about you… it’s just been hidden because of the great Shadow Dance between the Ego and the Shadow but – when the time is right – and it sees some cracks to send some light through to the surface of your life, well, it’s just gonna come bursting through so you better be ready.

The Conscious, Unconscious, and Superconscious Minds

Every person carries an unconscious mind, full of forgotten experiences, suppressed emotions, and unprocessed fragments of the self. Carl Jung called this the Shadow – the parts of us we’ve rejected or buried because of underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma (that’s how I see it, anyway, and talk about in my book Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World).

When an idea emerges from the unconscious, it’s often because something REAL but hidden deep inside you is ready to be integrated.

You might not even realise it at first, but that creative urge, that itch to start something new, is more than just self-expression – it’s an attempt to bring wholeness back to yourself so you can become the real human being you were meant to be (instead of the idea of one that you may currently be identifying with).

In the highest cases, these ideas don’t just come from your personal unconscious, but from something even greater – the Superconscious, the Universal Intelligence, the deeper flow of life. This is rare but people often confuse the unconscious becoming conscious for this (I’ll write a post about how to tell the difference in the future – it’s also in my book TRUST).

When this happens, you’re not just expressing something personal – you’re bringing something into the world that’s needed to make not just yourself more REAL but the world more REAL too.

Trusting the Process: Why Resistance Leads to Frustration

The short-version of all this is that if a REAL idea comes through you, it’s because you’re the right person for it because you’re at the right place in your relationship with yourself for it to be realised. It really couldn’t come at any other time because it’s appearance depends on you being open enough to yourself to let it arise.

The problem is that the mind often resists because it’s in the service of the Ego.

This is made even more complicated because real ideas require commitment and commitment to something real is always perceived as a threat by the Ego (because the ego is unreal and the opposite of reality).

Real ideas shake up routines; they demand energy. They take you into the unknown – away from the familiar sense of ‘order’ and control’ that the Ego has carved out for you – and they force you to confront the parts of yourself that might rather stay hidden (which will dissolve the Ego once faced as the Ego only exists as a reaction to avoiding these parts and keeping them locked in the Shadow Territory).

But resisting these ideas leads to one thing: frustration.

When you try to push them down, they’ll just keep resurfacing. If you try to ignore them, then you’ll feel the unexplainable tension of the Void. This is basically because your unconscious is trying to give you something – the gift of your own realness – and you’re refusing to accept it.

This is why the only real choice is to trust and let go.

Integration: The Healing Power of Following an Idea

Following these ideas isn’t just about creativity – it’s about healing (and healing literally just means returning to WHOLENESS instead of fragmentation –“The word “healthy” comes from the Old English word hāl, which means “wholeness, being whole or sound”).

Anytime you commit to a REAL idea that’s breaking through, you’re allowing something unconscious to become conscious – you’re integrating a missing piece of yourself.

Jung believed that psychological healing happens through a process of individuation – bringing together the fragmented aspects of the self into a cohesive, whole identity.

When you follow an idea that’s calling you, you’re doing exactly that.

You’re taking something that was once hidden and making it real. As you do this, you allow some of those Shadow ‘parts’ of yourself to return to where they belong and to play a conscious role in your life so you can become WHOLE again.

You’re merging your unconscious drives, your conscious mind, and – if you’re truly receptive and the time is right- something greater than both.

What we’re talking about is the difference between chasing ideas and being chosen by an idea:

When you chase ideas, you’re often acting from a fragmented place – trying to prove something, trying to force creativity, trying to control outcomes. All of this just comes from ego rather than from your REALNESS.

On the other hand, when an idea ‘chooses’ you, it’s coming from the deeper layers of your mind, from the ‘part’ of you that knows what you need before you do.

Practical Application: How to Know When an Idea Is Real

So how do you know when an idea is REAL?

How do you separate the passing whimsy of ego from something that truly needs to be followed through to completion and integration?

Here are a few signs:

1. It won’t leave you alone

Real ideas don’t just come and go – they persist because the Shadow Self may start whispering for your attention but will start screaming for it the longer you go without listening. You might try to ignore them, but they’ll resurface again and again in different ways (including being projected ‘out’ as signs and symbols in the world).

2. It excites you and scares you at the same time

Real ideas stretch you. They force you to grow and that can be uncomfortable. If an idea lights you up but also makes you nervous, it’s probably real becuase it’s going to take you out of your comfort zone, stretch you beyond your edge, and show you who your really are.

3. It feels like it’s ‘choosing’ you – not the other way around

You don’t force a real idea – it finds you by flowing to you. You might not even know where it came from, but suddenly, it’s there, demanding attention and – upon closer examination – following it and flowing with it is the most natural thing in the world given where you find yourself at the time.

4. It connects to something deeper

A real idea isn’t just about external success or validation (ego) – it connects to your values, your truth, and your personal evolution (realness).

5. It feels inevitable

When a real idea takes hold, it feels like there’s no other choice – even if you resist at first, deep down, you know you’re going to follow it. More than that, you know that you’re going to COMPLETE it because you can trust the process until it’s DONE.

How to Follow the Idea Without Ego Resistance or Distortion

Once you know an idea is real, the next step is to follow it without unnecessary ego resistance or distortion.

Here’s how:

1. Commit to the journey

Accept that this idea is here for a reason and decide to follow it – even if it takes time, even if it’s inconvenient, commit to seeing it through.

2. Trust that it will unfold in the right way

You don’t need to force it but to FLOW with it. The idea has a life of its own and – if you stay receptive – it will lead you where it needs to go (which is more life of your own).

3. Let go of perfectionism

Don’t overthink or try to control every detail. The idea isn’t asking for perfection – it’s asking for expression through you and your realness.

4. Allow your routine to shift

Real ideas require space so be willing to adjust your habits to give it the time and energy it needs.

5. Stay connected to your WHY

Remember why this idea matters – connect it to your deeper values and personal growth and the process of the UNCONSCIOUS BECOMING CONSCIOUS so that you can become more whole (though you can always go deeper).

Conclusion: Go With It – There’s No Choice Anyway

When a REAL idea comes through, it’s not just a passing thought – it’s a process of evolution that will leave you changed forever once you’ve seen it through to completion.

It’s something breaking through the unconscious demanding to be made real and – if it’s coming through you – then you’re the one ‘meant’ to bring it to life.

There’s no need to resist; there’s no need to second-guess; there’s no need to force.

Just let go, trust, and follow it where it leads.

Because at the end of the day, there’s no choice, really. The idea has already chosen you.

Stay real out there,

Abundance Mentality, Outcome-Independence, and the Power of Flow

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Don’t Chase Anything – Just Let It Happen or Move On

If you chase it, it runs away.

This isn’t just some poetic metaphor – it’s a fundamental truth about how life works.

You might’ve even seen this truth working in your own life:

The more desperately you grasp for something – a relationship, success, validation – the further it seems to slip through your fingers…it’s kinda like trying to catch a butterfly with a net when, in reality, if you sit still long enough, it will just come and land on your shoulder without you needing to FORCE things.

Why is this? I hear you ask.

Because nothing real needs chasing and nothing unreal matters anyway.

When you operate from a mindset of abundance instead of scarcity, this truth becomes second nature – you stop running after things that don’t serve you and instead open yourself up to what naturally aligns with who you truly are in your REALNESS.

This is the foundation of outcome-independence – a way of moving through life where you no longer outsource your levels of self-worth, self-acceptance, or inner peace to external results.

And the beauty of this? Life becomes a lot more effortless and REAL.

Let’s go deeper:

The Scarcity Trap vs. the Abundance Mindset

Most people chase because they’re locked into the scarcity thinking of the Ego – the belief that whatever they’re after is rare, fleeting, and must be clung to for dear life if they want to stand any chance of filling the Void.

This leads to desperation, attachment, and anxiety, whether in relationships, business, or just personal goals in general.

Scarcity makes you believe that if you don’t grab this one opportunity, another won’t come along which just serves to create a state of tension and fear that pulls you out of the present moment and into a spiral of ‘what ifs’ and overanalysis (which just stops you taking REAL action because of analysis paralysis).

Abundance thinking, on the other hand, is about trusting in reality:

It’s knowing that there is always more because things always keep flowing – more opportunities, more connections, more paths forward. When you internalise this, you stop making decisions based on fear and start moving from a place of clarity and flow. In other words, you come at it from your REALNESS instead of just your ego.

This isn’t just a feel-good idea – it’s backed by psychology and neuroscience:

Studies on self-fulfilling prophecies show that people who believe in abundance take more risks, create more opportunities, and attract better outcomes because they’re not paralysed by F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real).

Their relaxed, open energy makes them more receptive to life’s natural flow and – because they’re not in a state of panic and confusion – they can make better decisions which makes them more likely to get the results they want from life anyway.

(As an aside, this means that having an abundance mentality is good for your nervous system and therefore your health in general).

What Happens When You Stop Chasing?

When you stop chasing, three powerful shifts tend to happen:

  1. You become more attractive (in every sense of the word).

    Whether it’s relationships, business opportunities, or creative flow, the energy of not needing something is magnetic (because if you chase things they run away).

    When you stop grasping for things you don’t have or clinging to things you do, people and opportunities naturally gravitate towards you. It’s confidence, not in an arrogant way, but in a way that signals self-sufficiency and clarity – you become the kind of person people want to be around because you can be PRESENT (instead of having your ego play mind games etc. because you have a scarcity mindset and need things from people they can never give).
  2. You make better decisions.

    When you’re not making choices from desperation and scarcity, you stop settling for things that aren’t truly aligned with you and your realnesss.

    When you can RELAX and let go, then cou see things clearly, and instead of grabbing the first thing that comes along, you wait for something REAL instead.

    In other words, an abundance mindset makes you more patient with life so you don’t have to involve yourself with things and situations that you don’t need to be involved with.
  3. You stay in the present and enjoy life more.

    Chasing and scarcity pulls you out of reality – it makes you fixate on the future, constantly waiting for the next moment instead of appreciating the one you’re in.

    When you let go, you actually experience life instead of just strategising for it. Paradoxically, SLOWING DOWN in this way SPEEDS YOU UP because you can be more responsive to what’s actually happening instead of just reacting to the disorted view of life that a scarcity mindset shows you.

The Link Between Abundance and Outcome Independence

Outcome-independence is a natural extension of an abundance mindset.

This means that your self-acceptance and internal state are not dependent on external results. In other words, you don’t need a certain outcome to feel whole or REAL because you know that you already are (you don’t just believe it).

Most people operate with outcome-dependence which is the direct opposite:

Their emotions fluctuate based on whether or not they get what they want from life (and often these wants don’t even ‘belong’ to them but are rooted in the conditioning of ego). If they land the job, get the relationship, or receive external validation, they feel good; if they don’t, they spiral into self-doubt. This is exhausting and unsustainable because it means your levels of inner stability are always at the mercy of something besides your own realness.

Outcome-independence, on the other hand, is about being rooted in reality – it’s knowing that you are already ‘enough’ and always will be and no future event can add or subtract from your realness (because what’s real is always real and the only thing you can ever lose is something unreal).

This doesn’t mean you stop caring or striving to move towards a better or more real life – it just means you move forward with intent but without attachment, expressing more and more of your real self rather than trying to outsource it in external things. You take action, do your best and accept the rest, and let the results unfold naturally.

If something aligns, great. If not, you move on, knowing something else will….and it always will.

How to Practise Outcome-Independence and Abundance in Everyday Life

1. Shift Your Perspective on ‘Loss‘

When something doesn’t work out, remind yourself: Nothing real can ever be lost. If it wasn’t meant for you, it was never really yours in the first place. If it was real, it will find its way back in another form (because the realest things are always the values and experiences etc. beyond the surface level fruits of life – they’re linked to the underlying process that allows the fruit to materialise in the first place).

2. Stop Overinvesting in External Validation

Check in with yourself: Do you only feel good when something external validates you? A like on social media, praise from someone, hitting a certain goal? If so, start shifting your focus inwards. Validate yourself first by learning to cultivate unconditional self-acceptance and let external rewards be a byproduct – not the source – of your self-worth.

3. Take Action Without Expectation

Do things because they are in alignment with your realness and your core values – not just because of the outcome they might bring. Put out your best work, show up fully in relationships, train hard in the gym – but do it because it’s who you are and because these things allow you to express that – not because you’re expecting a certain ‘reward’ (when you have unconditional self-acceptance – which is ultimately a relationship with truth – then you don’t need a ‘reward’ anyway).

4. Let Go of What Ifs and Should Haves

Scarcity thinking makes you dwell on past failures or missed chances because your ego wants you to wallow in your emotions (so your ego can stay where it is). On the other hand, an abundance mentality recognises that every moment is new and full of potential…you don’t need to mourn what’s gone when there’s so much still ahead.

5. Trust Reality

Reality is always working in your favour – just not always in the way you expect. The more you trust in what is, rather than resisting what isn’t, the more effortlessly things start falling into place. Keep running towards something REAL instead of focusing on the unreal.

Final Thoughts: Move On When Need Be – Life Is Truly Amazing

When you trust in abundance and detach from rigid outcomes, life becomes smoother, lighter, and more fulfilling. You stop trying to force things and instead allow them to unfold naturally as you learn to flow.

When you stop needing things to happen a certain way, they tend to happen better than you could have planned.

Life is truly amazing.

Stay real out there,

The Power of Commitment: Why Being Real Will Always Outlast Being Interested

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Are You ‘Dabbling’ or are You REAL?

Having an ‘interest’ in something is pretty easy because it’s fleeting, surface-level, and effortless – maybe you watch a documentary, pick up a book, attend a lecture, and think to yourself, “Dang, this is interesting. I should explore it more someday.”

But then…you don’t (or if you do it’s a firework that soon runs out of energy after the initial ‘bang’).

Here’s the thing: ‘interest’ alone isn’t going to take you anywhere meaningful. It won’t change your life, build your dreams, or get you through the inevitable twists and turns that any transformational journey asks you to navigate. It might get you started but it’s never enough to get all the way to where you want to be going.

If you want to do something worthwhile – something that matters to you deeply because it’s REAL – you need more than interest:

You need commitment.

Commitment is what separates those who just talk about doing something from those who actually live it, breathe it, and see it through to the end. It’s the difference between merely ‘dabbling’ in something versus allowing it to become a true ‘part’ of who you are.

The bottom line is that interest fades at the first sign of resistance because it really only belongs to the level of beliefs and ego; commitment digs its heels in and keeps going, even when the path gets rocky, because it’s built on an ACCEPTANCE of what’s true about you in your REALNESS.

So how do you move from being merely interested in something to being truly committed?

Why does it even matter?

This article will help you to understand and to go deeper:

Interest vs Commitment: A Matter of Depth

Let’s start with what sets interest and commitment apart:

Interest is passive; curious but non-committal. It’s an enjoyable thought experiment, nothing much more than a “wouldn’t it be nice if…” moment that we might indulge in here-and-there.

Commitment, on the other hand, is ACTIVE (and everything is about ACTION when it comes to changing your life – after you’ve raised AWARENESS and cultivated ACCEPTANCE, of course).

It’s a decision to invest the WHOLE of yourself – instead of just the fragments of ego and its comfort zone – to something, even when it’s inconvenient or challenging. When you’re committed, you don’t just think about your goals; you pursue them relentlessly because you know that you don’t really have a CHOICE (not if you want to be real to yourself anyway).

Commitment means that you SHOW UP as the person that you want to be even when it’s hard, boring, or downright unpleasant because you’re driven by something deeper than the surface-level curiosity that interest offers.

Real commitment also requires you to put your values into action because it’s fuelled not just by a clear vision of what you want but also WHY you want it:

As Nietzsche famously said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how”.

When you understand the values and purpose underpinning your goals, you develop the resilience to navigate setbacks, detours, and disappointments along the way and this resilience opens a positive spiral of making you more-and-more committed.

Values, Vision, and Drive: The Foundations of Commitment

At the heart of REAL commitment are three essential components: Values, Vision, and Drive.

Without these, commitment becomes hollow, a house built on shaky foundations because it belongs to the Ego and not your REALNESS.

When you align these elements, you create a powerful force that pulls you forward and sustains you through the challenges of real growth.

1. Values: Knowing What Matters Most

Your values are qualities that make your life seem meaningful or significant that guide your decisions and define what matters most to you.

Normally, these values can be encapsulated in single words like ‘Truth’, ‘Freedom’, ‘Humour’, or ‘Sincerity’ (etc. – there are an almost infinite amount of ‘Values’ – there’s a list from my book Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness which you can access here. If you want to go even deeper, check out my free 7-Day Course which is designed to help you figure your values out and turn them into action: The Personality Transplant).

Your values can be translated into real GOALS – not the superficial goals society says you should chase, but the deeply personal ambitions that resonate with who you are at your core:

For example, let’s say you’re interested in starting a business. If your interest is driven by a superficial desire – like merely wanting to look successful on social media in an attempt to fill the Void and appease your ego – it’s unlikely to last when the reality of hard work and uncertainty sets in.

But if your desire stems from a deeper value, like freedom, creativity, or contributing something meaningful to the world, you’ll have a far stronger foundation to keep going and so the fire of your commitment will keep burning bright.

When you root your actions in your core values, you’re no longer chasing empty achievements and running on the spot; you’re living in alignment with your realness and making moves, which makes commitment feel natural and sustainable as you build momentum.

2. Vision: Seeing the Bigger Picture

We can also go deeper into commitment with a compelling vision – a clear sense of where you’re headed and why it matters. Like we said above, this vision isn’t just about the what of your goals; it’s also about the why.

For example, do you want more money so you can hoard it in a bank account or do you want financial freedom to spend your time on things that truly matter to you? Do you want to learn a skill because it sounds impressive or because it aligns with your deepest passions and purpose and will allow you to express who you REALL are?

When you clarify your vision and connect it to your values, you transform your goals from abstract ideas into something real and tangibl – you create a guiding light that keeps you focused, even when the journey gets tough.

Knowing your vision and keeping it in mind at all times is one of the ways to keep building FLOW because whatever life throws at you can be navigated in the context of where you’re headed. This makes you more resilient but it also allows you to find more peace because nothing can shake you from yourself and stop you learning and evolving.

3. Drive: Bridging the Gap Between Present and Future

The final piece of the puzzle is drive – the passion and energy that come from recognising where you are now in relation to where you want to be. The awareness of this GAP creates a powerful creative tension that propels you forward, turning your values and vision into action.

It also energises you to use the present to move into the future from moment-to-moment and heightens your relationship with life as a whole. This in turn increases commitment as you experience your own power and live life as it’s meant to be lived: in motion as you move towards a deeper sense of wholeness.

Drive isn’t about external pressure or motivation from others; it’s about tapping into your inner fire – t’s the force that keeps you moving when interest would have long since given up.

The Price of Commitment: Facing Resistance

The thing that people struggle with about commitment is that it’s not glamorous – it doesn’t come with instant gratification or a guarantee of success. In fact, true commitment often involves sacrifice, discomfort, and uncertainty – which means that it asks us to TRUST (ourselves and life).

At the same time, this is also why it’s so transformative:

When you commit to something real, you’re not just chasing outcomes or ticking boxes; you’re shaping yourself in the process. You’re becoming the kind of person who follows through, who grows through challenges, and who lives with purpose. You’re becoming less fragmented and more WHOLE.

The good news is that even if the outcome doesn’t turn out as you hoped, the journey itself will still be worth it (as cheesy and as cliched as that might sound – it’s true). Why? Because commitment is about more than achieving a specific result. It’s about living in alignment with your values, building resilience, and growing into your REALNESS.

At the end of the day, that’s the only thing really worth being committed to…

Living from the Inside Out

One of the biggest mistakes people make is living from the outside in:

They let external factors – trends, societal expectations, or other people’s opinions, etc. – dictate their choices. This just causes them to chase superficial goals that don’t even align with their realness and then wonder why they feel unfulfilled (living those “lives of quiet desperation”).

Commitment flips the script:

It’s about living from the inside out – rooting your actions in your own REAL values and purpose, rather than chasing after what’s shiny, new, or popular. When you live this way, you’re no longer pulled in a million different directions by fleeting interests because you’re able to transcend your own duality.

Instead of your goals being an extension of a fragmented relationship with yourself that could pull you all over the place, they become an extension of what’s already real within you: something whole.

This is why commitment feels so powerful: it connects you to your inner truth and helps you create a life that’s authentic and meaningful.

How to Move from Interest to Commitment

Here are some practical steps to help you make the leap from being interested in something to being truly committed:

  1. Clarify Your Values
    Spend some time reflecting on what matters most to you. What are the principles and beliefs that guide your life? Write them down and use them as a compass for your decisions.

    My free 7-Day Course will really get you started with this and has a workbook with values elicitation exercises.
  2. Define Your Vision
    Think about what you want to achieve and why it matters. What’s the deeper purpose behind your goals? How do they align with your values?

    Again, my free 7-Day Course will really take you deep into this.
  3. Start Small, But Be Consistent
    Commitment doesn’t happen overnight – start by taking small, consistent actions towards your goals. Over time, these actions will build momentum and deepen your commitment. Moving between where you are now and where you want to be is a PROCESS – if you stay committed to that process, you will get results.

  4. Embrace Discomfort
    Growth requires stepping outside your comfort zone – be willing to face resistance, uncertainty, and setbacks along the way but remember that what’s real is always real so the only thing you’ll risk losing in these periods are your illusions.

  5. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome
    Remember that commitment is about more than achieving a specific result – it’s about living in alignment with your values and becoming the person you want to be. Of course, the more committed you are, the more likely you are to get the specific results you want (but even if you don’t growing REAL in the process is the ultimate rewared and the only thing worth truly committing to).

The Real Difference Commitment Makes

When you commit to something real – something that aligns with your values, vision, and drive – you unlock a level of focus, energy, and resilience that interest alone can never provide; you stop living on the surface and start digging into the deeper layers of who you are and what you’re capable of.

Next time you feel tempted to dabble in something, ask yourself:

Am I interested or am I committed?

If it’s REAL, it’s worth pursuing, and it’s worth committing to fully. Find something real and pour yourself into it.

The rewards – both internal and external – will be greater than anything interest alone could ever offer.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number twenty in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

One REAL Thing: Calm Your Mind for Good

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To calm your mind you need to deal with the FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM, not just the symptoms – ONE REAL THING can help you do this.

Let’s face it: the Buddhists were probably right when they said “Life is suffering” – there’s always something that we’ve either just ‘got over’, that we’re still going through, or that’s on the way to test us and see how real we are.

Even if things are ‘good’ then there’s probably something round the corner because the nature of life – as fragmented creatures on a fragmented planet – is that things have to go ‘wrong’. We’re not omniscient or omnipotent and so things will eventually go against the grain of how we think they ‘should’ – it’s just the way it is.

When we accept that life is like this instead of fighting it, then it a strange kind of way it becomes ‘easier’, because we don’t add extra levels of resistance or frustration as we sink into a kind of “woe is me” attitude when things do unfold in ways we’d rather they didn’t.

In short, life is amazing and beautiful and strange, but it’s also a challenge sometimes – the sweet and the sour are just ‘part’ of it. It’s ALL part of the experience of being a ‘human’.

At the end of the day, we’ve all experienced the frustration of feeling pulled in multiple directions, trying to juggle conflicting priorities, or wrestling with a restless mind that refuses to settle in the context of all this to-and-fro between the ups-and-downs.

At the heart of this chaos often lies a deeper issue: duality and fragmentation:

The inner turmoil we experience is often a result of being split – torn between different parts of ourselves, between what we think we ‘should’ do and what we truly want, between the illusions we’ve bought into and the truth we instinctively know…between our ego and our REALNESS.

Here’s the good news, though: there is a way out of the maze and it’s probably more ‘simple’ than you might expect:

You just need to focus on one REAL thing.

Duality: The Source of Inner Chaos

Before we get into the practical steps, let’s unpack the problem a bit more:

Duality is the sense of division within us – a constant tug-of-war between opposing forces; it could be the inner critic battling the dreamer, the pull of comfort against the push of ambition, or the voice of love clashing with F.E.A.R (“false evidence appearing real”).

All of this is rooted in the dualistic illusion of JUDGEMENT – looking at and labelling things in terms of opposites, like ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, or ‘black’ and ‘white’ – the idea that our INTERPRETATIONS of reality are the real deal.

This duality creates fragmentation and is often just a projection of an inner fragmentation within ourselves (because of shame that creates the Shadow Dance between the Ego and the Shadow Self):

Instead of feeling whole (our natural, real state), we feel scattered and restless, like pieces of a puzzle that don’t quite fit together. This fragmentation stems from shame, insecurities, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are versus who we’re supposed to be – over time, these internal divisions cause us to feel disconnected – not just from ourselves, but also from others, the world, and reality itself in TRUTH.

The result of all this is a restless, wandering mind and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction. This is just the VOID of being disconnected from the truth about oneself and ACCEPTING oneself and life unconditionally. When this void shows up in our lives, it brings all kinds of symptoms that we don’t want to deal with but start to identify with and think are just ‘normal’ or who we just happen to be: depression, anxiety, a dysregulated nervous system and all of the health issues it brings, etc. etc. etc.

We might go to the doctors or even get therapy to try and deal with this void but all that tends to happen is they give us some medication or a conversation with us about our problems (the symptoms, again, instead of the fundamental problem and what to DO about it) instead of helping us to see that what we need to do is to overcome this INNER SPLIT and the void that’s opened up by duality so that we can grow REAL again.

We can start do this by finding ONE REAL THING that will start moving us back in the right (real) direction: towards WHOLENESS instead of fragmentation.

Wholeness: The Antidote

The antidote to fragmentation is wholeness and the simplest way to cultivate wholeness is to focus wholly on something real.

When I say ‘REAL’, I mean something that is grounded in truth, love, or purpose – something aligned with your deepest values and the natural drive that is within all of us that strives towards connection instead of separation.

This is not about chasing after ego-driven desires – so you can try to fill that void that can never be filled (you can only become it – see the article I wrote about this) – but about connecting to what genuinely matters: something that takes you deeper into wholeness and allows you to help others eventually do the same.

For example, this “real thing” might be:

  • Creating a vision of the life you want to build.
  • Commiting to a meaningful goal that aligns with your values.
  • Developing a sense of devotion to a higher power or truth.
  • Working on a daily practice like yoga, meditation, or art that brings you into the present moment and gets you out of your head and into your real life.

The keyword here is really “devotion“:

In the moment, give your whole self to this one real thing and – by focusing on it completely – you override the scattered energy of a fragmented mind and anchor yourself in something unshakable: the here-and-now of your actual life.

Why It Works

This approach works because it transforms your relationship with your own mind:

When your focus is divided, your mind is like a chaotic room with a hundred people shouting at once but – when you devote yourself to one real thing – it’s like asking everyone else to leave the room; the noise dies down, clarity emerges, and you regain a sense of control and flow.

In spiritual traditions, this is sometimes called ‘single-pointed focus’ or ‘dharana’ (from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali) – it’s the practice of concentrating fully on one thing to transcend distractions and connect to a deeper sense of flow.

Neuroscience backs this up, too: when you focus intensely on something, your brain shifts into a state of flow, where time seems to disappear and you operate at your best. Literally, it changes your brainwave state and the whole way that you interact with yourself and everything around you (you can go into the Alpha wave state or even the Theta wave state if you really get some deep focus going).

In other words, focusing on one real thing is not just calming – it’s transformative and can help you transcend your own fragmentation and taste the whole again.

How to Find Your “One Real Thing”

Now, you might be wondering: What should I focus on?

The answer is personal, but here are some guiding principles to keep in mind:

  1. It Must Be REAL
    Your One REAL Thing (ORT) cannot be a fleeting desire or a fantasy born of ego and the need to try and escape from life and your own unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ – it has to come from a place of TRUTH and take you to an even deeper state of truth (as you learn about yourself, the world, and reality). Ask yourself simple questions to get started: Does this align with my values? Does it bring me closer to wholeness?

  2. It Must Be Meaningful to You
    Whether it’s your family, a creative project, a spiritual practice, or a goal you’re passionate about, it should resonate deeply. If it doesn’t matter to you, it won’t hold your attention, and you won’t honour it or be able to COMMIT – not committing just increases the odds of you getting DISTRACTED by all of the unreal things in the world caused by duality and that disturb the mind in the first place.

  3. It Must Be Grounded in the Present
    The power of focusing on one real thing comes from being fully alive and REAL in the moment. If your mind is in the past or the future, you’re still fragmented. Choose something that roots you in the now and that gets you in your body more than in your head.

Practical Steps to Build Focus and Flow

If you’re ready to calm your mind and transcend that pesky duality and fragmentation then these practical steps can help you focus on your one real thing:

1. Start Your Day with Intention

Before your day gets busy, take five minutes to reflect: What is the most important, real thing I want to focus on today? Write it down. This simple act of setting an intention can re-centre you and give you clarity for the day ahead. Make sure you choose just ONE thing that is the realest focus of your day and then get it done. Keep your FOCUS locked in.

2. Use Your Body to Anchor Your Mind

When your mind feels fragmented, your body can act as a grounding force. Try breathwork (I always recommend 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4-seconds, retain for 7-seconds, and exhale for 8-seconds (and repeat), yoga, or simply going for a walk in nature. Physical movement helps quiet mental noise and brings you into the present moment, making it easier to focus on your real thing instead of old patterns and fragmentary ways of being, feeling, and doing things.

3. Practise Single-Tasking

Multitasking is the enemy of focus – choose one task or goal and give it your undivided attention. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the task at hand. This trains your brain to stay centred. If you struggle with this initially then use a Pomodoro timer to focus for a dedicated block of time then take a short break to do whatever (I use pomofocus.io sometimes and it’s really good).

4. Develop a Daily Devotional Practice

‘Devotion’ doesn’t have to be religious – it can be as simple as spending 10 minutes a day journaling about what matters most to you, meditating on a vision, or working on a creative project. The key is to approach it with sincerity and commitment and to really RESPECT what you’re doing by knowing your reasons for doing it (to grow more REAL).

5. Let Go of Perfectionism

Focusing on one real thing doesn’t mean you have to get it perfect – it’s about the act of showing up, again and again, with your whole self. Progress, not perfection, is what builds wholeness. This is really worth knowing because it allows you to remain outcome-independent and to not have to outsource your self-worth and self-acceptance to end results (such ‘outsourcing’ is always caused by duality and fragmentation). Instead, you can just stay in the process and keep flowing and growing REAL.

6. Reflect on Your Progress

At the end of each day, ask yourself: Did I stay focused on my one real thing? What did I learn? What can I do better tomorrow? This keeps you accountable and helps you refine your ability to stay in that real place from one day to the next.

Closing Thoughts

The world we live in often feels chaotic and overwhelming, but that’s largely because we’ve allowed duality and fragmentation to dictate how we operate.

The good news is that we can break free – by focusing wholly on ONE REAL THING, we can calm our minds, transcend inner conflict, and step into a state of flow where everything feels aligned.

This practice isn’t just about calming your mind – it’s about growing REAL and moving towards wholeness as a default state of being. It’s about reminding yourself that you don’t have to live in pieces and filter everything through a fragmented ego.

Take a deep breath, choose one real thing to focus on today, and DEVOTE yourself to it completely – the noise will fade, clarity will return, and the fragmented pieces of your life will start to give you hints of the bigger picture.

Stay real out there,

Facing the Worst-Case Scenario: Trust Yourself and Trust Life

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Do Your Best, Accept the Rest, and Face the Worst-Case Scenario to Deal with ANYTHING

Life is full of uncertainty – whether it’s the unpredictability of being self-employed, the ups and downs of health, or simply the fact that nothing ever stays the same, uncertainty is a constant.

For many, this unpredictability fuels fear – fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of losing control…but here’s the truth: most of these fears are only as big as the space we allow them to occupy in our minds and a lot of fear is just F.E.A.R (“False evidence appearing real”) anyway.

Over the years, I’ve can truly say that I’ve trained myself to accept what I genuinely cannot change and to maintain serenity as my baseline. That doesn’t mean F.E.A.R never shows up – just that I know how to kick myself into shape when it does and shift my focus back to being REAL.

Like everybody (humans gonna human), every so often, I get one of those familiar ‘niggles’ -a mental itch that calls me into the ego and unreality.

When this happens my imagination kicks in, conjuring up the worst-case scenario:

You know the drill – it’s all the usual ‘stuff’: running out of money, dropping dead, disappointing someone that we love or care about…very human fears that keep us all awake at night every once in a while.

Luckily, I learned a ‘hack’ that’s helped me with this:

When you face the worst-case scenario, even embrace it, you realise it’s never as terrifying as your imagination makes it seem.

The bottom-line is that F.E.A.R thrives on avoidance and denial but when you look at it squarely and ask, “Now then, what’s the worst that could actually happen here?” you strip it of its power because you remember your own REALNESS.

You discover that even if the “worst” does happen, it’s not the end of the world – it’s just another part of the journey.

Fear: The Great Exaggerator

Fear is a master manipulator, and its favourite tool is exaggeration – it takes a small possibility or HYPOTHETICAL “WHAT IF?”, blows it out of proportion, and plays it on repeat in your mind like a bad soap opera. What’s worse, the more you avoid confronting it, the more vivid and persistent it becomes.

Let’s take death, for example – the ultimate “worst-case scenario” for most people. But when you really think about it, being dead probably isn’t that bad.

You’ll either:

  1. Be blissfully unaware (because you’re dead).
  2. Be ‘chilling’ in some afterlife.
  3. Be burning and losing your wits for all eternity (okay, this one’s less appealing, but you get the point).

The fear of death is really about the idea of death and whatever our imagination (in the service of the ego) manages to concoct, not the reality of it.

Similarly, running out of money feels catastrophic in theory, but in practice, there’s almost always a way forward. You tighten your belt, get creative, and figure things out. Life goes on.

Even the fear of disappointing someone – a client, a boss, a partner – is rarely as dire as it feels before it actually happens (if it even does)…if you approach the situation with honesty and a genuine willingness to make things right, most problems can be resolved.

The common thread here is this: the “worst-case scenario” only seems bad because we imagine it in isolation, as though it’s the end of the story.

But life doesn’t stop at the worst-case scenario. It keeps moving, and so do you.

Facing the Worst-Case Scenario

When fear strikes, the instinctive reaction is often to avoid it:

We distract ourselves, overthink, or try to control every variable in an effort to make the fear go away but avoidance only feeds the fear.

The real antidote is to confront it head-on and to remember that REAL ALWAYS WORKS.

Here’s how:

  1. Name the Fear
    Start by asking yourself: What am I actually afraid of? Be specific. The more clearly you can define the fear, the easier it is to deal with. Even this simple step might help you to realise that your fears are irrational or unfounded and something that you can even laugh at.
  2. Visualise the Worst-Case Scenario
    Imagine it happening. Not in a panicked, spiralling way, but calmly and rationally from a place of SAFETY (i.e. allow your nervous system to stay relaxed and in the parasympathetic state – keep your breathing slow for example and remind yourself that emotional discomfort and physical danger are totally different things). What would it look like? What would it feel like?
  3. Ask Yourself: Can I Handle This?
    In most cases, the answer is yes. You may not want to deal with the worst-case scenario, but you’re probably capable of doing so if you TRUST YOURSELF and remember that you’ve already ‘handled’ every other thing that life has thrown at you so far. And when you accept that, the fear loses its grip, because you realise that you’re no longer totally powerless and at the effect of whatever happens.
  4. Make a Plan
    If the worst-case scenario were to happen, what would you do? Having a plan – even a loose one -gives you a sense of control and reduces the fear of the unknown. Really, this all comes down to knowing that whatever happnes – even if you ‘lose’ everything (even though you can’t lose anything real) – you’ll still have your capacity to ACT, find solutions, and be a cause of your life instead of just an effect.
  5. Let It Go
    Once you’ve faced the F.E.A.R, accepted the possibility of the worst, and made a plan, let it go. Shift your focus to the present moment and the actions you can take right now – by staying in the PROCESS of whatever is actually happening instead of the matrix your mind projects out into the world then you can keep learning and evolving and will realise that there is no worst-case scenario because things keep changing.

The Freedom of Acceptance

Acceptance is freedom:

When you accept the worst-case scenario – not as a some great unknown, but as a possibility – you free yourself from the stranglehold of fear, stop wasting energy on what if, and start focusing on what now.

Acceptance isn’t about giving up or resigning yourself to fate (though accepting what you can’t change (fate) will allow you to make choices about your destiny) – it’s about acknowledging reality as it is, without ego resistance, distortion, or denial.

It’s standing on the abyss and screaming out to the Void, “Sh*t happens and I’ll deal with it”.

This mindset is incredibly freeing because it shifts your focus from outcomes (which you can’t always control) to actions (which you can); it allows you to approach life with a sense of calm confidence, knowing that – no matter what happens – you’ll find a way through.

Do Your Best, Accept the Rest

At the heart of this philosophy is a simple yet profound idea: do your best (TRUST YOURSELF) and accept the rest (TRUST LIFE).

Do your best in the moment. Show up, put in the effort, and act with integrity. Then, let go of the outcome – trust that life has a way of working itself out, even if it doesn’t unfold exactly as you planned.

This isn’t about being passive or apathetic but about recognising that you can’t control everything, and that trying to do so is a recipe for stress and dissatisfaction. Instead, a more REAL approach is to focus on what’s within your power – your actions, your mindset, your response to challenges – and trust life to handle the rest.

Practical Steps to Trust Yourself and Life

  1. Face the Fear
    Don’t run from your fears – turn towards them.

    Ask yourself:
    • What’s the worst that could actually happen?How likely is it?If it did happen, what would I do?

    By facing the fear head-on, you rob it of its power and see it for what it really is – an exaggerated story in your mind that’s usually a projection of underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma.
  2. Focus on What You Can Control
    Life is full of uncertainties, but there’s always something you can control – your actions, your attitude, your effort. When you focus on these, you shift from a place of helplessness to a place of empowerment and remind yourself that you’re REAL.
  3. Take Action
    F.E.A.R thrives in inaction and the longer you sit with it, the bigger and more unmanageable it seems to grow. The solution? Do something. Even a small step forward can break the cycle of rumination and remind you of your own agency.
  4. Reframe the Worst-Case Scenario
    Instead of seeing the worst-case scenario as a dead end, see it as a challenge. What could you learn from it? How could it help you grow more real? What strengths or qualities is it calling out of your Shadow Self so you can become whole again?
  5. Trust the Process
    As the old saying goes, “Life is a journey, not a destination” – trust that every twist and turn is part of your growth and evolution into more REALNESS. Even the setbacks have something to teach you – if you’re willing to learn and keep moving no matter what ‘happens’ to you.

Life Is Always Moving

The truth is, life never stops. Even in the face of the worst-case scenario, life keeps flowing, and so can you.

The challenges you F.E.A.R today may feel overwhelming, but in time, they’ll become just another chapter in your story – one that helped you grow, adapt, and become stronger as you learned to discern what was real about yourself, the world, and reality itself from what’s unreal.

Next time fear tries to hijack your mind, remind yourself:

  • The worst-case scenario is rarely as bad as it seems.
  • Even if it happens, you can handle it.
  • Life is always moving and so are you if you LET GO and TRUST.

Do your best. Accept the rest:

Trust yourself, trust life, and embrace the adventure of it all. You’re stronger than your F.E.A.R makes you believe – and whatever comes your way, you’ll find your way through. It has to be this way because you already made it this far.

Just keep moving forward.

Stay real out there,

The Truth About Flow & REAL VISION: Are You in the ‘Flow’ or in Your Comfort Zone?

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Stop Hiding in Your Comfort Zone and Start Living Your REAL LIFE

Life is full of paradoxes and one of the trickiest is the idea of being “in the flow”.

For many of us, this concept has become a sort of golden ticket – a way to justify staying comfortable, avoiding risk, and refusing to face the challenges that come with REAL growth.

The truth is a bit more, nuanced though:

More often than not, what we call “flow” is just a convenient cover for F.E.A.R (“False evidence appearing real”) and stagnation.

If you feel stuck and want to start changing your life, it’s time to take a hard look at what flow really means:

It’s not about aimlessly floating through life, waiting for things to just ‘happen’ – it’s about stepping up, taking responsibility, and learning to respond to reality as it unfolds. Real flow is active, not passive, about being a CAUSE in your life instead of just an EFFECT; it requires direction, action, and the courage to adapt when things don’t go as planned.

In this article, we’ll break down the illusions that keep people stuck, explore what flow actually is, and show you how to use it to transform your life.

Comfort Zones Disguised as Flow

Many of us like to think we’re in the flow when, in reality, we’re just stuck in our comfort zones and the outdated identies of EGO. This is an uncomfortable truth, but it’s one we need to face if we want to grow REAL.

The comfort zone is a seductive place:

It’s safe, predictable, and free of the discomfort that comes with failure or uncertainty. The bottom line is that othing grows in the comfort zone – we are designed for a little healthy stress and tension and so avoiding it by staying comfortable just holds us back and hinders us.

Basically, the comfort zone is a stagnant pool, not a flowing river and – while it might feel nice to stay there – it’s ultimately a slow form of self-sabotage that eventually brings friction, frustration, and misery.

To make matters worse, the Ego often dresses up our avoidance and fear of change and growth with fancy language.

We tell ourselves things like:

  • “I’m just leaning into my divine feminine right now.”
  • “I’m working on being more open-minded.”
  • “I need to let go of left-brain logic and embrace my creative, right-brain side.”

These concepts aren’t inherently bad – there’s always value in balance, openness, and creativity but, more often than not, we use them as excuses to avoid taking action. They become rationalisations for staying comfortable and avoiding the hard work of facing reality.

Here’s a simple litmus test: if you’re not stepping out of your comfort zone and moving towards something meaningful, you might feel ‘safe’ and like everything is under your control but you’re not in the flow.

You’re just stuck.

What Flow Really Means

So, what does it actually mean to be in the flow?

The truth is that flow isn’t about drifting aimlessly or passively “going with the flow” without having any choice in the matter or making decisions about where you’re flowing to.

Real flow is dynamic, purposeful, and responsive.

At its core, it requires two things:

  1. A REAL Vision – You need a direction to flow in (otherwise you’re being so open-minded your brain will fall out). Without a vision, you’re like a boat without a rudder – tossed around by the currents, but never making meaningful progress and just being an EFFECT of life, not a CAUSE.

    Your vision doesn’t have to be perfect, but it needs to give you a sense of where you’re headed and it needs to reflect your real VALUES and INTENTIONS more than it reflects ego or some external idea of what you ‘should’ be doing with yourself.
  2. Responsiveness – Flow isn’t rigid (to state the obvious). It’s about being open to the feedback that reality gives you as you move towards your vision. Sometimes, reality will show you a better way to get there. When that happens, you have to be willing to adapt and change course. Sometimes, you’ll learn that you need to do something completely new or different. When that happens, you have to be willing to take the lesson and growing more REAL instead of clinging to ego.

Think of flow like a river: the water has a destination – the ocean – but its path is anything but straight. It twists and turns, responding to obstacles and carving out new paths when necessary. That’s what real flow looks like and the attitude we need to bring to our lives if we want to flow in a real way.

Why Fear Keeps You Stuck

One of the biggest barriers to finding real flow is fear:

Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of uncertainty. These fears are natural, but they often manifest as resistance instead of acceptance and – instead of facing that resistance head-on – we rationalise it.

For example:

  • “I’m not starting that business because I need to wait for the right moment.”
  • “I’m not approaching that person I’m interested in because I’m focusing on myself right now.”
  • “I’m not pursuing my vision because I don’t have it all figured out yet.”

These excuses feel comforting in the moment, but they’re just fear dressed up in logical-sounding language that keeps us in our comfort zone and in the Ego/identity that this comfort zone was built for.

Remember: F.E.A.R often stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.

When you break it down, most of the things you’re afraid of aren’t as catastrophic as they seem. Failure isn’t the end of the world – it’s a lesson. Rejection isn’t fatal – it’s a redirection. Uncertainty isn’t a reason to stop – it’s an opportunity to grow in TRUST and acceptance.

The only way to overcome fear is to face it and the only way to face it is to take action. I see this all the time with my coaching clients – they take REAL action and their UNREAL fear dissolves (and all the stories and beliefs that were rooted in it). It’s amazing to see and another reminder that REAL ALWAYS WORKS.

The Danger of “Going with the Flow” Without a Vision

Let’s quickly talk about the phrase “go with the flow” – it’s a popular saying, but it’s often misunderstood.

If you “go with the flow” without a clear vision, you’ll end up drifting aimlessly; you’ll be carried along by the currents of life, going wherever they take you. This might feel easy in the short term, but it’s a recipe for dissatisfaction in the long run because to truly feel REAL and alive we need to play an ACTIVE role in our lives.

On the flip side, if you resist the flow – clinging to rigid plans or refusing to adapt – you’ll end up frustrated and exhausted because you’ll be fighting a battle that it’s impossible to win.

The key is to STAY REAL by striking a balance:

Have a vision, but remain flexible. Take action, but stay open to feedback. Flow isn’t about control or passivity – it’s about responsiveness and being PRESENT in the process of life as it happens.

How to Use Flow to Change Your Life

If you’re ready to stop hiding in your comfort zone and start creating real change, here’s how to use flow as a tool for real growth:

1. Get Clear on Your Vision

What do you want? This is the first question you need to answer. Your vision doesn’t have to be perfect or grandiose, but it needs to give you a sense of direction.

Think about the areas of your life where you feel stuck. What would progress look like? What’s one step you can take to move closer to that vision?

2. Take Action

Flow requires movement. Once you have a vision, take action towards it – don’t wait for the perfect moment or for everything to feel “right.” Start where you are, with what you have and keep learning along the way.

Remember, action doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be consistent and you have to consistently learn from what it teaches you.

3. Face Failure with Courage

Failure isn’t a sign that you’re off-track – it’s a sign that you’re learning. Every setback is an opportunity to adapt and refine your approach so instead of fearing failure, embrace it as part of the process.

This is how you actually KEEP FLOWING – you shift your attitude from a focus on the goals or the destination and stay actively alive in the PROCESS by being present and real.

4. Stay Responsive

As you move towards your vision, reality will give you feedback. Sometimes, it will confirm that you’re on the right track. Other times, it will show you a better way. Be willing to adjust your course based on what you learn and to keep responding to what unfolds (instead of reacting which is always ego and old patterns).

5. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Growth and comfort don’t coexist – like we said, we all need that healthy stress and tension that allows us to grow (just like our muscles grow against healthy resistance, so does the mind and soul).

If you want to change your life, you have to be willing to get uncomfortable – this might mean having difficult conversations, taking risks, or facing fears you’ve been avoiding. We can make this so much easier for ourselves by remembering that there’s a difference between emotional discomfort and actual danger…If it’s just emotional discomfort then we can GROW through it.

Flow and Growth: The Path to Realness

At the heart of this process is the idea of realness (check out my book Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness to go deeper):

Realness is about aligning with reality – at the levels of yourself, the world, and reality itself (in WHOLENESS). It’s about letting go of illusions, facing your fears, and taking responsibility for your life.

Flow is a tool that helps you navigate this journey – it’s not about drifting aimlessly or clinging rigidly to plans. It’s about finding the balance between direction and adaptability, between action and response, between dynamism and stillness.

When you embrace flow in this way, you’ll find that life starts to move in ways you never thought possible. You’ll grow stronger, more resilient, and more connected to the world around you as you become more REAL.

Conclusion: Use the Flow to Grow

If you’re feeling stuck, it’s time to stop hiding in your comfort zone and start moving.

Flow isn’t about staying safe or avoiding challenges – it’s about stepping into the unknown with courage and purposeful ACTION.

Remember: you can’t flow without a vision and you can’t grow without stepping out of your comfort zone. Use the flow to grow real by flowing in a real way.

Stay real out there,

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