by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The Endless Searching & Seeking is Just a Feeling Like Any Other
Human beings love to tell themselves stories to justify the way that they show up in the world:
Some of these stories serve us well and help us to cooperate, evolve, and thrive; others trap us in cycles of frustration, dissatisfaction, and exhaustion.
When it comes to the most destructive of these stories, one of the most persistent of all is the idea that life is an endless search: a perpetual striving to fill some mysterious void within us.
In general, we are told through the behaviours of others and the cultural stories that are shown to us in movies and in the heroes that we worship that the human condition is about endlessly chasing “something more”:
More money. More love. More recognition. More spirituality. More experience. More of [whatever else you might think of]…and if we’re not seeking, we’re supposedly stagnating, failing, or even betraying our very humanity.
It sounds compelling and it even feels true – after all, who hasn’t experienced the restlessness of wanting something more at some stage in their lifetime?
But what if this entire cultural meme – the myth of the endless search – isn’t an eternal truth, but just another illusion we’ve bought into?
What if that endless searching and seeking impulse is not the essence of being human at all but merely a feeling like any other that can be dealt with in the same way?
Let’s dig a little deeper:
The Endless Search: What We Cover in This Article
- The Endless Searching & Seeking is Just a Feeling Like Any Other
- The Meme of the Void and the Endless Search to Fill It
- The False Solutions of Ideology
- The Restlessness & Endless Searching is Just a Feeling Like Any Other
- Fragmentation and Projection
- Wild Goose Chases
- Facing the Shadow Self and Growing Real
- Observing the Wave
- The Lesson: There Is No Search
- Practical Steps to Break Free of the Endless Search
- The Endless Search: The Final Word
The Meme of the Void and the Endless Search to Fill It
Think about the last time you desperately wanted something – maybe it was a new partner, a promotion, a gadget, or even a spiritual breakthrough:
You convinced yourself – often with great conviction – that this thing would finally complete the puzzle and that once you had it in your hands (so to speak) you’d finally feel whole.
That was…until you actually got it.
What probably happened next no doubt followed a time-tested pattern:
You felt a short-lived rush – days, maybe even weeks – but then the same familiar restlessness returned and you find yourself back in the void as it hummed quietly in the background of your life prompting to to start the endless search all over again.
This cycle is so common that we’ve mythologised it – in fact, we’ve turned it into a story about the human condition itself:
“This is just how life is. We’re seekers by nature and we’ll never really be satisfied as long as we’re here on Planet Earth”.
It’s a neat explanation and it even gives us something to do.
But, unfortunately, it isn’t true.
The False Solutions of Ideology
Throughout history, religions, philosophies, and modern-day “life systems” (or whatever you wanna call them) have stepped in to tame this restless energy – they prescribe rituals, disciplines, or ‘works’ (as Christianity might call it) to channel all of that endless seeking into structured activity.
In fairness, many of these practices can be useful because they provide guardrails, soothe the restless beast within us, an distract us from all sorts of existential dread and terror…but unless they’re grounded in a genuine connection to realness – the unfragmented core of who we are in our awareness – these systems ultimately amount to glorified busywork.
They give us things to do in order to cope with the boredom and pain of life (as Schopenhauer said: “Life is a pendulum that swings between pain and boredom”) but they can’t and don’t address the underlying problem:
Our mistaken belief that the search is real in the first place (it’s not).
The Restlessness & Endless Searching is Just a Feeling Like Any Other
Here’s a turning point that has the capacity to change your life:
The void, the restlessness that stems from it, and the ‘need’ to put yourself on the path of endless searching isn’t some deep existential reality. It’s just a feeling.
Like anger, sadness, joy – or literally any other feeling (emotion or bodily sensation) – it follows the same natural pattern as a wave:
It rises, peaks, and subsides. That’s it.
Because this “endless search” feeling is so widespread, however, we’ve mythologised over time it into something bigger than it really is and ending up mistaking a passing internal sensation for a profound truth about life.
In doing so, we’ve created a self-fulfilling prophecy:
Believing that the search is eternal, we act as though it is, endlessly chasing shadows that can never complete us (and then wondering why we always feel like we need ‘more’).
Fragmentation and Projection
The real reason the restlessness feels so compelling is fragmentation:
When we are disconnected from our own wholeness – because of underlying shame, guilt, and or trauma (the Unholy Trinity) – our perception itself becomes fragmented as an extension of this.
Perception is projection and so when we look out at the world, we see fragmented pieces that reflect our own inner fragmentation, missing parts, gaps, etc. that show up as “something out there” that we need to chase.
This projection tricks us into believing that wholeness is external (when it’s literally already within us but we’re blocking access to it with our limiting beliefs etc.) – we think it lies in the arms of a new partner, in the prestige of a job title, in the purchase of the next shiny thing, or whatever else floats your boat in a given moment.
The truth, however, is that wholeness doesn’t come from outside – it is always already within us.
The endless chase is nothing more than an avoidance of the truth which is that we feel disconnected from ourselves but instead of addressing that disconnection, we distract ourselves with fragmented substitutes for something true or whole.
Wild Goose Chases
Because we believe the myth that seeking will ‘complete’ us – despite already being whole – we end up on wild goose chases that give us something to do but never lead anywhere.
Some chase career ladders, others chase relationships, experiences, or chemical highs, but it’s all the same and the end and all leads to the exact same place in the long-run: back to Square One.
While the chase is on, we feel alive – energised, purposeful, or “on track” – but sooner or later the prize is in hand, and we’re right back where we started: restless, fragmented, disconnected.
Until we face the disconnection itself, the cycle repeats endlessly.
Facing the Shadow Self and Growing Real
So what’s the alternative to the endless search and the ensuing chase?
Well, the only real way forward is to turn inward and face what we’ve been avoiding all along: the shadow self.
This is all of the parts of us we don’t want to look at, the uncomfortable truths, the repressed feelings, the shame, the guilt, and the trauma, and even all of the ‘good’ things about us that have been sent into exile for whatever reason.
By integrating the shadow, we begin to reconfigure the ego – transforming it from a tyrant demanding endless distraction into a functional tool in service of our wholeness. From there, we can take real action: action rooted not in endless searching, but in grounded reality.
This is the path of realness – it isn’t glamorous but it’s liberating and it always works (because reality is the only place you can get actual results).
Observing the Wave
A practical key to stepping off the treadmill of endless searching is to recognise the restlessness for what it is: a feeling.
When it arises, you don’t need to suppress it and you don’t need to obey it, either.
You simply observe it and watch it like a wave as it rises, peaks, and then falls from consciousness.
The moment you refuse to engage with it as ‘truth’ is the moment you break the cycle.
You no longer need to distract yourself with meaningless activity and, instead, you allow the wave to pass (and, with it, the illusion that life is an endless search).
The Lesson: There Is No Search
Here’s the radical truth that you need to take away from this article:
There is no search and there never was. In fact, the only thing keeping the illusion alive is the belief that there must be.
Right here, right now, everything is already whole – this doesn’t mean you stop growing, stop creating, or stop acting but it does mean you stop doing those things as desperate attempts to fill a void.
Instead, you take real action which is simply action that grows out of wholeness rather than fragmentation.
Check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace if you’re ready to start facing the void and becoming your real self.
Practical Steps to Break Free of the Endless Search
So how do you live this truth out in daily life and overcome all of the endless searching and associated restlessness?
Here are some practical steps:
1. Recognise the Search as a Feeling
The next time you feel restless, pause and ask yourself: “Is this really a deep truth about my life or just a wave of feeling?” Name it for what it is and treat it accordingly: a sensation that will pass.
2. Ride the Wave
Don’t suppress it and don’t indulge it – just observe it and imagine it as a wave rising and falling. Breathe into it and let it move through you without needing to ‘do’ anything at all.
3. Journal the Substitutes
Notice what you usually chase when the restlessness strikes: Do you default to shopping, scrolling, flirting, working overtime, or something else? Write these down because awareness turns unconscious patterns into choices.
4. Face the Shadow
Instead of running from the void, sit with it and explore the deeper feelings you might be avoiding. Shame? Fear? Grief? Shadow work isn’t comfortable but it’s the doorway back to wholeness which is the only thing anybody is really looking for.
5. Take Real Action
Once the wave has passed and you’ve grounded yourself, ask yourself: “What action would be real right now?” Real action is rooted in truth instead of avoiding discomfort. It might be as small as resting, as bold as starting a project, or as relational as having an honest conversation.
6. Build Trust in the Process
The more you practise this, the more you see that the restlessness is nothing to fear – it’s just another wave that will pass if you let it. Over time, you develop trust – not in the endless search, but in the deeper flow of yourself and life itself.
The Endless Search: The Final Word
The myth of the endless search has kept humanity spinning its wheels for centuries but the truth is simpler, lighter, freer than you might expect:
The search isn’t some eternal, existential thing – it isn’t even real. It’s just a feeling like any other.
Once we see this, we no longer need to live as seekers chasing phantoms:
Instead, we can live as whole beings, rooted in realness, taking real action, and finally at peace with the simple reality that right here, right now, nothing is missing.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to give up the endless search and to start living your real life then book a free coaching call with me and I’ll help you take real action and keep you accountable.
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