by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
You’re Not Seeing the World – You’re Seeing Yourself: How Projection Shapes Your Reality
This might sound a little like pseudo-profundity but here we go:
Everywhere you look, you’re seeing yourself.
Before you roll your eyes and accuse me of philosophical navel-gazing, hold on just a sec – I’m not saying the world is a figment of your imagination or that other people aren’t real (unless you’re a narcissist, in which case you’ve probably stopped reading already lol).
What I am saying is this:
Perception is projection.
And – whether we like it or no – we’re constantly colouring the world around us with the invisible ink of our own inner world and whatever unresolved ‘stuff’ we have going on down there.
This isn’t solipsism (though it could easily lapse into it if we’ve fallen for the trap of spiritual bullsh*ttery) – it’s just basic psychology (thanks to the work of Carl Jung):
It’s the messy, sometimes beautiful, sometimes ugly reality of being a human with an unconscious mind, a bag of unprocessed emotions, and a deep-seated desire to make sense of our experiences.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Projection: What We Cover in This Article
- You’re Not Seeing the World – You’re Seeing Yourself: How Projection Shapes Your Reality
- What is Projection, Anyway?
- Traffic Jams and Hindu Cows: The Inner Lens
- So Is Everything a Projection?
- How to Tell When Someone’s Projecting Onto You
- Why We Project: The Unconscious Shadow at Work
- Real-Life Examples of Projection
- Projection in Relationships: The Mirror Gets Intimate
- Practical Tips: How to Stop Projecting and Start Living Your REAL Life
- Projection Final Thoughts: The Mirror or the Window?
What is Projection, Anyway?
The simplest definition of projection is that it’s what happens when we take something from within ourselves – a belief, an emotion, a memory, a shadowy part of us that we’re not ready to own yet – and we unconsciously assign it to someone or something outside of us so that we don’t have to face it.
It’s a bit like a mental movie projector:
You load your reel of unresolved stuff, press play whilst sleepwalking, and suddenly the people around you are acting out your private inner drama – even if they never auditioned for the part.
The fact that this is a real phenomenon means that the world isn’t necessarily showing you the truth – it’s often showing you yourself.
Traffic Jams and Hindu Cows: The Inner Lens
Let’s say you’re stuck in a traffic jam.
You’re fuming, your blood pressure is sky-high, and you’re shouting out obscenities that would make your ancestors roll over in their graves because you’re convinced that all of this is a personal attack by the universe designed to ruin your day.
Meanwhile, the driver in the next car is chilling, sipping tea from a travel mug, listening to sitar music, and gazing into the distance as calm as a Hindu cow in a Zen monastery.
It’s the exact same external situation but a totally different internal response.
(The fact that different people react to different stimuli completely differently show us that projection is a real phenomenon).
Why might this be, I hear you ask?
It’s because the situation didn’t cause your reaction – it simply revealed what was already inside you.
What you actually experienced wasn’t the traffic but your own frustration, impatience, and need for control being squeezed to the surface.
Just like the old saying says:
“When you get squeezed, what comes out is what’s already inside.”
This is projection in action – your internal ‘stuff’ spilling out and painting itself onto the canvas of reality and, until you become aware of it, you’ll just keep reacting as though the world is the problem, instead of realising that the world is just holding up a mirror to what’s already right there inside you.
So Is Everything a Projection?
Short answer: no.
Long answer: still no but with some nuance.
It’s important to learn from the outset that not everything is projection:
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar (as Sigmund Freud apparently said) and, sometimes, people and situations actually a bit unreal and annoying or whatever and so it’s okay to notice that without it meaning you secretly hate yourself or whatever.
The idea of projection often gets misused in self-help circles – especially when people are trying to avoid reality rather than engage with it because it allows them to bypass reality and keep living in the ego.
If someone tells you they don’t like your behaviour and you reply, “That’s just your projection,” you might not be enlightened and you might just be emotionally evasive.
Here’s a good rule of thumb to keep in mind:
Projection distorts reality but calling out projection can also be a form of resistance that distorts reality too.
Knowing the difference requires self-honesty, humility, and a good sense of humour.
How to Tell When Someone’s Projecting Onto You
Have you ever had a conversation that just felt a bit…off?
Maybe someone accused you of something totally unrelated to what was actually happening; maybe you could feel that their anger wasn’t really about you; maybe you found yourself suddenly defending against something that didn’t even make sense.
That’s almost always a case of somebody projecting their ‘stuff’ onto you – you feel like you’re in a kind of reality warp and there’s a toxic, syrupy feeling that comes with it.
It tends to carry a strange energetic charge as though someone’s downloaded their private fears and insecurities onto your internal hard drive and now expects you to carry the weight.
Usually, when someone’s projecting onto you:
- It feels disproportionate to the situation (because there’s an extra level of unnecessary emotional ‘stuff’).
- The reaction doesn’t match your intention or behaviour (because it’s about way more than what’s actually happening in reality).
- You feel slightly confused, like you’ve walked into a play halfway through and don’t know your lines (because this is a replay of years or even decades of emotional baggage).
- There’s a subtle demand that you validate their story, even if it has nothing to do with you (because that’s ultimately why they’re projecting on you: to keep their identity exactly where it is so they don’t have to face themselves and grow real).
You don’t need to fight or argue when this happens because that will just make things even more intense – instead, it’s usually enough to just name it internally:
“This isn’t about me”.
That single sentence can restore your peace faster than a thousand rebuttals and will save you time compared to the endless circular arguments you’d get involved in if you didn’t know what was going on.
Why We Project: The Unconscious Shadow at Work
The short-version of what’s going on is that we project because there are parts of ourselves we haven’t made peace with yet:
Parts we’ve judged; parts we’ve suppressed; parts we’ve inherited from childhood conditioning or cultural programming and shoved down into the basement of our psyche (AKA the “Shadow Territory”).
All of these ‘parts’ – which can be both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ – are what’s known as the Shadow Self:
Carl Jung, the godfather of shadow work, said:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Which basically means that until you look at your own mess, you’ll keep seeing it everywhere else and think it’s the world that needs ‘fixing’ – not you.
(Look at the world around you – especially modern politics – and you’ll see that this kind of projection is everywhere).
At the same time, this is why projection is actually a gift in disguise:
We can reverse engineer it and it will show us what we haven’t yet faced, what we still fear, and where we still need to grow.
Check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace if you want to learn more about living without projection and getting into a real flow in your life.
Real-Life Examples of Projection
Let’s bring this down to earth with a few examples of common ‘Projection Archetypes’ and how this phenomenon of projection can show up in life:
1. The Critic
Someone constantly accuses others of being arrogant, rude, or attention-seeking:
In reality, they haven’t yet owned their own need to be ‘seen‘ or their fear of being judged and so their attack is a defence that stops people saying anything that could be true but uncomfortable.
2. The Victim
When a person always believes the world is against them then every minor inconvenience becomes evidence of a grand conspiracy.
Deep down, this is because they’re probably either avoiding responsibility for their own choices or afraid of stepping into their power.
3. The Rescuer
This type needs to help and ‘fix’ everyone:
It looks noble on the surface, but underneath it’s often a projection of their own unresolved sense of worthlessness – as if helping others will validate their right to exist.
In each case, the pattern will repeat until awareness, acceptance, and action break the loop.
Projection in Relationships: The Mirror Gets Intimate
Relationships are perhaps the most fertile ground for projection – especially romantic ones:
This is because when we initially fall in love, we often don’t see the person but instead see a story, an image, a hope, or a wound that we think will get healed.
We project our unmet needs, childhood patterns, fantasies, and fears onto our partners; we see what we want to see or what we’re still running from.
This is why relationships can feel magical at first and then suddenly chaotic.
One day you’re soulmates; the next, you’re re-enacting your parents’ worst arguments and wondering where it all went wrong.
When this happens, it’s not because your partner suddenly changed but because your projections started to crack:
The illusion began to fade and now you’re seeing the real person…and your real self in the process.
If you haven’t done your shadow work and started to work on acceptance then this will be a massive threat to your ego and it will all feel like it’s going wrong.
What you actually need to do at this stage is to ride it out and use the relationship as a container for facing the ‘part’s of yourself you’ve been avoiding.
(Not many people are willing to do that which is why so many relationships either fail or are completely unsatisfying with people just ‘settling’).
Practical Tips: How to Stop Projecting and Start Living Your REAL Life
Awareness is power but acceptance and action bring transformation.
If you want to stop living in a world of mirrors and start engaging with reality, here are some practical tools to get you started:
1. Ask: “What am I actually reacting to?”
When you find yourself triggered or feeling intensely emotional, pause and ask yourself:
- Is this really about the situation?
- What old memory or feeling does this bring up that I was already carrying?
- What story am I telling myself right now?
Bringing curiosity to your reaction opens the door to truth which allows you to move towards growth.
2. Look for patterns
Projection often repeats in patterns – especially with authority figures, partners, or people who remind us of past experiences.
Track the triggers and look for these kind of patterns:
The people who bother you the most are usually pointing to something unresolved in your own shadow.
3. Don’t take the bait
When someone is projecting onto you, don’t feel the need to defend or retaliate:
Instead, stay grounded and recognise what’s happening.
Set boundaries if need be and don’t take it personally.
4. Journal Your Mirrors
Try this prompt:
“What’s one thing that really annoys me in someone else… and what might that say about me?”
You’ll be amazed (and probably slightly horrified) at what comes up but that’s how we grow and start to see your shadow instead of running from it without realising that’s what you’re doing.
5. Bring compassion to the shadow
Projection exists because we haven’t yet loved certain parts of ourselves and so the more self-compassion you cultivate, the less you need to see your pain reflected everywhere else.
Integration reduces distortion so you can actually see something REAL.
Projection Final Thoughts: The Mirror or the Window?
Life is always reflecting something back to you – not because you’re the centre of the universe, but because you are the universe, in ‘part’, expressing itself through a unique lens.
The question is are you going to keep polishing the mirror so it reflects your illusions? Or are you going to wipe it clean and look through it like a window into yourself, into others, and into something real?
Projection is a defence but it can become a doorway if we’re real about it:
The moment you realise that your outer world is often shaped by your inner state, you become powerful — not in the egoic sense but in the sense that you’re no longer living unconsciously.
You’re no longer just reacting; you’re responding with clarity, courage, and choice.
And that, my friend, is what real transformation looks like.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to free yourself from the matrix of projection and to start living your REAL life then book a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you change your trajectory in life.
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