Self-Acceptance Means Loving Yourself and Others

by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

Self-acceptance isn’t just about yourself: it’s about embracing that what’s real in you is real in everybody else too.

Self-acceptance is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot in conversations about personal growth and mental well-being. But what does it really mean? Is it about looking in the mirror and repeating mantras until you can convince yourself you’re ‘enough’? Or is it something deeper, more profound, and ultimately more transformative?

Here’s a point that can change your life forever if you really grasp it: self-acceptance is the recognition that acceptance and love are the same thing.

When you truly learn to love something, you accept it as it is – its past, its present, and even its uncertain future. There’s no judgement, no attachment to fleeting interpretations or desires, and no clinging to emotional baggage.

This kind of acceptance is unconditional and it’s the foundation of self-love and love for others (and you can’t have one without the other because when we accept the TRUTH about ourselves we have to accept the truth about others too).

Love Without Conditions

When we think of love, we often picture something warm and affirming. But true love – whether for yourself, others, or the world – isn’t always about ‘liking’ everything you see. It’s about accepting what is real, even when it challenges your preferences and goes beyond your ideas of what’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

Here’s another point to remember:

Our standards for liking or disliking are always based on fragments, not the WHOLE of what somebody or something is (including ourselves).

They’re shaped by fleeting emotions, personal biases, or societal expectations but – when you shift your perception from fragmented pieces to the whole – you begin to see things differently.

Acceptance means recognising that what’s real exists beyond these fragments. It just is. The question then becomes not whether you like or dislike it but whether you’re willing to work with it.

If you apply this to yourself it will change your relationship with yourself for other; if you apply it to others it will change your relationship with them.

Self-Acceptance Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Cultivating unconditional self-acceptance doesn’t mean you settle for who you are today without aspiring to grow. It means embracing your current self – flaws, potential, and everything in between – while recognising your capacity to make choices and progress towards deeper REALNESS.

This kind of progress isn’t about chasing an ideal or reaching some imagined state of ‘perfection – it’s about peeling back the layers of illusion and uncovering the truth. With every step, you align more deeply with an acceptance of reality in truth, and in doing so, you align with love (because love is truth is wholeness).

The Ripple Effect of Self-Acceptance

Here’s a truth that’s often overlooked: when you truly accept yourself, you naturally extend that acceptance to others. In fact, we can go so far as to say that you can’t accept others until you accept yourself.

Why? Because self-acceptance isn’t an isolated act; it’s a process of embracing reality as it is, and reality doesn’t just apply to you – it’s universal (though people often confuse their interpretations of reality for the real thing).

The fundamental truths you uncover about yourself as you cultivate acceptance are the same truths that apply to everyone else.

If you refuse to judge yourself, you’ll find it difficult – if not impossible – to judge others. Judgement is the antithesis of love and acceptance (because it always takes us away from the wholeness of what is and into those fragmented ideas of ‘good’ and ‘bad’), and once you let go of it for yourself, it has no place in your relationships with others or with your relationship with life.

This doesn’t mean you’ll always agree with everyone or condone every action. Acceptance isn’t about abandoning discernment; it’s about seeing others as whole, complex beings navigating their own journey, just as you are and letting them be where they are and go where they’re going (and not blocking the path with your judgements and projections).

Beyond the Ego

Many of us start the journey of self-acceptance with a focus on ourselves. We want to feel good, to silence the inner critic, to find peace within. But if we stop there, we’re still operating within the ego’s framework of separation.

True self-acceptance dissolves the illusion of separation because it reveals the interconnectedness of all things. When you understand that what’s real about you is also real about others, self-love naturally becomes love for others.

This is the power of interdependence. To truly love yourself, you must love others by extension. Anything less is a distortion – a resistance to reality.

Embracing Reality

If acceptance and love are the same thing, then the practice of self-acceptance is, at its heart, a practice of embracing reality.

This can be a difficult pill to swallow because reality doesn’t always align with our expectations, desires, or plans but resisting reality only creates suffering. Acceptance, on the other hand, is liberating. It allows you to work with what is, rather than struggling against it and to go with the FLOW of life instead of forcing things.

Really, it’s all pretty simple:

When you accept reality, you stop judging it. And when you stop judging reality, you stop judging yourself and others. This is where true freedom lies.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance isn’t something you achieve overnight; it’s a practice – a series of small, intentional steps that lead you closer to unconditional love for yourself by undoing your conditioning and learning to mastering your relationship with yourself.

Acknowledge What Is
Start by observing yourself without judgement. Notice your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Instead of labelling whatever is going on inside or outside of you as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, simply recognise them as part of your experience.
Challenge Fragmented Thinking
Whenever you catch yourself fixating on a single aspect of yourself or others – whether it’s a flaw, a mistake, or even a strength – pause. Remind yourself that this is just one fragment of the whole…if you find yourself LABELLING others then you’re projecting the belief that you can also be labelled and encapsulated in this fragmented way (which is impossible).
Let Go of Judgement
Judgement often arises from unmet expectations or unresolved emotions (almost always shame, guilt and/or trauma and whatever stems from this) Practice letting go by focusing on the present moment and accepting it as it is: meditate, journal, get in your body (do yoga), breathe anything that gets you out of your head and into real life.
Extend Compassion to Others
When you find yourself judging someone else, take a moment to reflect on their humanity. Recognise that they, like you, are navigating their own challenges and seeking wholeness. Something that’s really helped me is the mantra that “Everybody is f*cked up but love them anyway (including ourselves)”.. I made a video about it (see below).
Embrace Progress Over Perfection
Celebrate your growth, no matter how small. Each step you take towards uncovering the truth and living it is a victory of the inner battle we all have between the EGO that makes us judge ourselves and others and the REALNESS of ourselves in truth.

The Beauty of Interdependence

The journey of self-acceptance leads to a profound realisation: you are not separate from the world around you or the reality in which life takes place (the world is not reality – just our collective ideas about it). Your experiences, your growth, and your love are all part of a larger, interconnected whole – you either accept it or you don’t.

When you truly accept yourself, you contribute to a world where acceptance and REALNESS can flourish – it isn’t just about personal well-being; it’s about collective growth towards wholeness instead of collective destruction and fragmentation.

Imagine a world where people saw each other not as competitors or adversaries but as fellow travellers on the path to wholeness…Well, that’s how it actually is in truth. All we need to do is accept it by seeing ourselves this way and then giving others the space and time to walk the same path.

Final Thoughts

Self-acceptance means loving yourself and others, not as separate acts but as one flowing process. To accept yourself unconditionally is to embrace reality unconditionally – and reality is universal (no matter what they tell you).

When you let go of judgement, when you release the illusion of separation, you step into the power of interdependence…you realise that love is not something you give or receive; it’s something you are.

And in that realisation, you find the freedom to be yourself, to grow, and to create a life rooted in truth.

After all, what’s real is always real – for you, for me, and for all of us.

When you embrace that, the rest kinda falls into place.

Stay real out there,

Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.

It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.

This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).

Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.