by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The benefits of embracing our own mortality.
Welcome to this article where we’re diving into one of the most profound and universal aspects of human experience: death. While it might seem like a heavy topic, it’s actually one of my favourites. Thinking about death serves as a powerful reminder that everything in life is constantly changing. It brings me back to the reality that I won’t be writing these articles forever, and that one day, death will come for me too. But rather than fearing it, I see death as a sweet release, a moment when I’ll be enveloped by the universe and become one with it.
In this article, we’ll explore why death is not something to dread but something to embrace. We’ll talk about how acknowledging our mortality can actually enhance the way we live, helping us focus on what’s real and meaningful while we’re here. Ultimately, there’s no escaping fate, and for all of us, that fate is death. But by facing it head on, we can discover how it empowers us to live more fully.
Living forever is a long ass time.
Before we dive deeper, let’s consider the opposite of death: the idea of living forever. Some people might think that living forever would be a good thing, but I don’t believe they’ve really thought it through. Eternity is a really long time—an unimaginably long time. Think about how long a few moments can feel when you’re stuck in a conversation you don’t want to be in; it just drags on. Eternity would eventually feel the same—endlessly boring. You’d have learned to play all the instruments, mastered all the skills, tried all the different experiences you wanted, and eventually, you’d just be bored. Relationships would strain because people would run out of things to talk about, and without the urgency of our temporary nature, there’d be little reason to truly appreciate one another. If you got injured, you’d have to live with that injury forever.
Culture would stagnate because we need new generations to bring fresh perspectives, but if people kept living forever, the older generations would hold onto power indefinitely. Ultimately, living forever would be pretty miserable for many reasons. Sure, being mortal isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but in my view, being a short-term, transitory being is far better than the alternative. Living forever would likely lead to boredom, a lack of appreciation, and being surrounded by others feeling just as fed up.
Sometimes we fantasise about living forever when we’re in denial about life’s reality, which is that we’re all going to die. Now, the reason I enjoy discussing and contemplating death is because it offers a no-nonsense approach to understanding life and how to live it authentically. There’s so much nonsense out there—much of it stemming from beliefs that lack evidence, where people are just speculating to suit their own biases or insecurities. But when it comes to death, it’s one of the few things that nearly everyone agrees on: we’re all going to die. Sure, there are always those who believe we’ll move on to another dimension or something like that, but generally speaking, most people accept that we’re going to die.
This fact makes death an excellent starting point for figuring out how to live a good life. No one can really tell you what happens before we’re born or after we die—it’s all speculation. So, the most sensible approach, in my opinion, is to start with the one certainty we have: life is going to end one day. Accepting this reality allows us to engage with life more fully and authentically. It gives us a foundation to build our lives around, knowing that it’s all going to be over one day.
Thinking about, contemplating, and embracing death is so important because it raises our awareness. Once you truly understand that you’re going to die one day, it shifts your perspective on everything. You can’t embrace death without also appreciating the value of your time. You can’t embrace death without understanding that things are always changing. Knowing you’re going to die means you’re constantly moving through time and space towards that inevitable moment. This awareness of time and change is what opens you up to living a real life. Reflecting on death is crucial if you feel stuck, if you’re in a rut, or if you’re living a life you don’t want to live—passively, without taking action, and without doing the things you want to do.
So essentially, you need to start seriously contemplating death. If you truly think about death and face it without fear—which we’ll discuss more in this article —you won’t waste your time on things you don’t really want to be doing. You can’t live a genuine life without understanding that it’s all going to end and that you have no idea what comes after. This might be your only chance to experience and be conscious of life here on Earth. When you look at it this way, the awareness of death becomes a key that unlocks the door to real life. Once you step through that door, things start to get really interesting.
When you become aware of death and truly internalise the fact that it’s inevitable and there’s nothing you can do to change it, you reach a place of acceptance. From that place of acceptance, you can start making better choices in your life. Better choices simply mean that your actions are coming from a place of conscious decision-making. Knowing that you’re going to die can awaken a sense of urgency within you. You won’t be content to spend your days mindlessly scrolling through social media or binging on Netflix. You’ll realise that every choice you make moves you through time and the inevitable process of change because death highlights that time and change are the fundamental fabric of reality as we experience it.
Ultimately, accepting death is incredibly powerful because it awakens the power of choice within you. When you know your time is limited, you’re faced with a decision: will you spend your time on meaningless activities that won’t take you where you want to be, with the only life you have? Or will you use your time to invest in a journey of growth towards wholeness, realness, and expressing who you truly are in the world while you still can, before you die?
When we become aware of death and accept it in the way we’re discussing, we naturally shift our focus. Instead of concentrating on all the unreal things in the world—like goals, values, and other external influences that we’ve internalised due to social conditioning, old patterns, and scripts—we begin to focus on what’s real. We understand that our time is limited, and we realise that we can choose where to invest it. This awareness of choice allows us to invest our time in real things instead of unreal ones.
It’s a simple shift, but one with immense power. I’ve seen the impact in my own life and in the lives of my clients. There’s a fundamental truth that what you focus on grows. So, if you focus on your real goals, your true intentions, and your genuine values, and if you choose to invest your time in pursuing your real vision, those things will grow. And it all begins with understanding that you are temporary as a being. Therefore, you need to use your energy—your time, energy, and attention—to cultivate something real. That’s why focusing on death is so important: it enables you to live a truly authentic life.
Accepting the fact that you’re going to die makes you more humble.
Another profound benefit of accepting that you’re going to die one day is that it fosters humility. When you come to terms with death, you must acknowledge that your life is not entirely within your control. You only know that at some unknown time and place in the future, you will die. This event is independent of your choices, desires, or preferences; it will simply happen. Understanding this fact removes you from your ego and introduces a sense of humility into your life.
When you’re humbled by the reality of mortality, you become freer. You stop trying to force everything through the lens of your ego and desires, striving to maintain a facade or resist life’s challenges. Instead, you grow more accepting of life as it is, which deepens your relationship with it. You no longer feel the need to be omniscient or omnipotent. The awareness of your own mortality highlights how futile it is to seek all-encompassing knowledge or power.
Many people try to be all-knowing or all-powerful in unrealistic ways, driven by ego and underlying emotional issues like shame. This leads them to construct a false identity and attempt to control everything or appear all-knowing, which ultimately blocks them from living a genuine life. The ego acts as a barrier between you and the authentic experience of life, and contemplating death is a powerful way to shatter that barrier.
Embracing the fact of your mortality allows you to build better relationships with others. You stop taking things so seriously and learn to let go of petty grievances. Recognising the preciousness of your time, energy, and attention helps you avoid wasting them on negative thoughts or judgments. When you accept that everyone will die and that we’re all in the same existential boat, you can approach others with more compassion. Everyone is navigating the complexities of life, trying to cope with the chaos and uncertainty of their own mortality.
By understanding that everyone, including yourself, is temporary, you can shift the focus away from your own ego and towards engaging with the world in a meaningful way. This often leads to serving others and making your true self and values beneficial to those around you. As you do this, you become more interdependent with the world and experience a deeper connection to life. The key is accepting that everyone is temporary, and making the most of your interactions and relationships while you can.
What we’re really talking about here is arriving at a place of gratitude. When you understand that time is precious, that everyone is temporary, and that you too will eventually cease to be here, it makes you deeply grateful for everything—both the good and the bad. Every moment of our lives becomes precious when viewed through this lens. By tapping into this gratitude, you flow through life with a sense of freedom. Freedom, in my view, is simply an acceptance of the truth and a relationship with it—living it, breathing it, and working with it.
Gratitude at this profound level means accepting everything you have. I see gratitude and acceptance as essentially the same thing. When you accept life as it is, you accept yourself, and this acceptance naturally leads to gratitude. Gratitude has the power to elevate your energy because it invigorates you. Even when you feel low, true gratitude can lift you up, making you aware of the mysterious and precious nature of existence. It highlights the gift of life, making you appreciate it even more, knowing that it will eventually end. This awareness prompts you to make the most of your time.
Cultivating this attitude of gratitude, rooted in the awareness of your mortality, transforms how you experience life. It eliminates unnecessary friction or resistance between you and your experiences because you no longer wish them to be different. You accept life as it is, simply because you know it will end. This acceptance, coupled with gratitude, brings you into a state of deep presence.
Try this now: stop reading for a second, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and reflect on the fact that you’re going to die. It’s impossible to think about your mortality without being pulled into the present moment. This present-moment awareness is where you truly live life at its fullest. It removes the filters and judgements created by your ego and immerses you in the essence of life.
Being present means you’re grounded and accepting of life’s flow. As you navigate life with this foundation of truth, rather than being distracted by chatter and denial, you’re more responsive and adaptable. The more you accept death, starting with awareness, the more present you become. This presence connects you to a sense of wholeness and allows you to flow and grow, feeling truly alive.
Ultimately, the choice is between denying the reality of life by avoiding thoughts of death or fully embracing it and becoming more present and engaged with life. To me, it’s a clear choice. Embracing the reality of death and reframing it as a gift rather than a negative will enhance your experience of life.
How do we overcome the fear of death in order to get benefits.
So, let’s delve into how we can reframe our perception of death. Throughout this article, I’ve discussed the numerous benefits of acknowledging death, such as becoming more present, grateful, and fostering better relationships. But how do we overcome the fear of death to reap these benefits? The key lies in reframing.
Reframing involves understanding that death isn’t some malevolent force that haunts us; rather, it’s a natural part of life. Life and death are two sides of the same coin, and one cannot exist without the other. The qualities that make life meaningful and precious are inherently tied to the reality of death. By recognising this, you can shift from seeing death as something to fear to viewing it as a natural and integral part of existence. This shift can help you embrace death rather than resist it, leading to a state of acceptance.
Another useful approach is to use the awareness of death as motivation. Embracing the reality that death is inevitable can drive you to make the most of your limited time. Knowing that your time is finite encourages you to focus on what truly matters. By investing your time in meaningful pursuits, you’ll find that these pursuits grow and bring you more satisfaction. This creates a positive feedback loop where increased engagement with real, purposeful activities enhances your enjoyment of life. The process begins with acknowledging that death is a natural part of life, and that embracing it can enrich your experience.
Ultimately, it’s about directing your energy, time, and attention towards a sense of purpose. Purpose involves living according to your own values, goals, and intentions, and sharing these with others. This purpose is unique to each individual, and finding it may require some introspection. Once identified, it’s crucial to make consistent choices that align with this purpose. Avoid distractions like excessive video games, social media, and TV, which can lead to wasting precious time. While occasional indulgence is fine, letting it dominate your life can be detrimental.
Additionally, investing in relationships is vital. Seek out people who resonate with your values and build meaningful connections. Since death is a certainty, make the effort to connect with others while you still can.
If fear becomes overwhelming, channel it into creative outlets. Use your fear as a catalyst for exploration and self-expression. You might journal, paint, compose music, write a book, or even create a YouTube video. Creativity can transform fear into something productive and insightful.
In essence, reframing death involves recognising it as a natural, motivating force that can lead to a more purposeful and fulfilling life. By embracing this perspective, you can navigate life with greater presence and gratitude.
You can engage in any activity that helps you confront and accept these topics more deeply. Discussing death with others can be particularly enlightening. Everyone shares the human experience, and many people have some level of interest in the subject of death. By reaching out and having these conversations, you’re aligning yourself with your purpose. You’ll be growing more authentic, building meaningful connections, and moving closer to a profound acceptance of life, time, and the preciousness of our existence.
So, that wraps up our discussion about death. I suppose it’s a bit odd to keep referring to it this way, but it’s a crucial topic. We are all going to die one day. Life is precious, time is precious, and people are precious—you’re precious. It’s essential to let go of trivial concerns and avoid wasting time on meaningless activities that drain your energy.
There’s a lot of misleading advice out there about how to live a good life, whether it’s dancing in forests or pretending to be from another planet. The truth is simpler: embrace the reality of your mortality. Accepting that you will die one day is beyond your control, and then use that acceptance to guide you towards humility and meaningful change. Focus on making the most of your life by investing in what truly matters.
Life becomes even more amazing when you recognise its finite nature and pursue what genuinely resonates with you. Don’t settle for a life you don’t want to live. While you might not change everything overnight, you can start taking steps toward change right now. Shift your focus from distractions to the real, meaningful aspects of your life and channel your energy into those areas. That’s the most spiritual and authentic approach you can take: focusing on what’s real about yourself and actively pursuing it.
If you want to explore this further, discuss your life’s direction, or delve into these ideas, you can book a call here on my website at olianderson.co.uk/talk. I love discussing these topics, and I’m here for a genuine conversation. If you book a session, we can explore ideas, gather insights, and hopefully help you become more authentic.
Additionally, I offer a free course called “The Personality Transplant,” which begins with a module on death for those interested in a deeper exploration of this subject. I hope you found this discussion helpful. Life is incredible—stay true to yourself, and peace to you.
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