by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

The world is not reality.

YouTube player — **This article is based on a transcript of this video** **from my Youtube channel.**

Welcome to this discussion about feelings of exasperation, disillusionment, and being jaded, stressed, or fed up—emotions that many people experience in today’s world. These feelings are not irrational; in fact, the world can often seem chaotic and overwhelming. Whether it’s the news or social media, there’s a great deal to feel exasperated about due to the constant presence of misinformation, tension, and chaos. It’s understandable why so many of us feel this way.

However, I want to suggest that these feelings of exasperation and disillusionment can actually be positive. They signify an awakening to some of life’s most fundamental truths, and offer an opportunity to realign ourselves with a more authentic path. This article explores the concept that the world, as we perceive it, is not reality. The feelings of disillusionment stem from the fact that we’ve bought into myths, conditioning, and propaganda that attempt to convince us that something unreal is, in fact, real.

When you begin to feel disillusioned, it’s your true self trying to resurface and reclaim its rightful place in your life. In this discussion, we will explore how we’ve reached this state of disillusionment and, more importantly, what we can do to regain a sense of freedom and wholeness, returning to a life aligned with our true selves.

The key takeaway here is that the world, as we experience it, is not reality. Reality is aligned with truth—it is fluid, constantly evolving, and inherently whole. The world, on the other hand, is made up of interpretations, systems, structures, and economic models that we have constructed in response to reality. Often, these constructs arise from a place of fear, scarcity, doubt, or shame, resulting from a lack of understanding of our true selves.

Consequently, the systems and beliefs we create are merely extensions of our disconnection from our true nature. This disconnection leads us to project an artificial world—a sort of matrix—over life itself. If we’re unaware of this, we end up mistaking this artificial world for the truth about life. When that happens, we construct an identity based on the world’s projections rather than on reality. This leads to a perpetual state of friction within ourselves.

Treating the world as reality means disowning our true nature, and this disconnection manifests in various forms of conflict. There are three main types of conflict that arise from this dissonance, which we will explore before delving into strategies for resolving them.

In essence, if the world is unreal because it’s an extension of our collective unreal relationship with ourselves and the beliefs that spring from this, we find ourselves in a challenging situation. However, it’s important to remember that while the world we’ve created may be unreal, what is truly real within us remains constant. By recognising this, we can begin to reconnect with our true nature and live in a way that is more aligned with reality itself.

The Impact of an Unreal World on Our Sense of Self

The way we are encouraged to interact with the world around us is increasingly detached from reality. This growing disconnection contributes to feelings of disillusionment, exasperation, and a sense of hopelessness. There are three main reasons why living in an unreal world causes these negative emotions.

1. Misalignment with Core Human Values

The first reason is that the constructed, unreal world often goes against our core human values. At their essence, these values are those that lead us towards wholeness—whether at the personal level, in our relationships with others, or in our connection to life itself. These values are about growth, evolution, and maintaining a sense of flow in our lives. However, the world as it is often demands that we halt this natural growth process. Once we finish our formal education and enter the workforce, we are frequently expected to fit into rigid economic models that do not allow for personal development in line with our true values.

As a result, when we feel disillusioned or exasperated, it is often because we are rebelling against this artificial relationship with life. We are not living in accordance with our values, nor are we expressing our creativity or experiencing a sense of freedom. Essential elements of human happiness, such as connecting with nature or engaging in meaningful work, are often not built into the structures of the world we’ve created. This misalignment between our values and the demands of an unreal world generates significant internal conflict.

2. Restriction by Ideological Boxes

The second reason is the world’s tendency to confine us within ideological boxes. These boxes are created by beliefs, linear thinking, and rigid ideologies. No human being can be fully defined by an ideology, as ideologies are merely tools for making sense of the chaos and complexity of real life. However, the more the world pressures us to conform to these ideologies, and the more we try to fit ourselves into them, the more friction and frustration we feel. This is because we are suppressing the vast depth, wisdom, and potential within us in order to fit into these artificial constructs.

While some ideologies might initially seem liberating or enlightening, the problem arises when we become overly attached to them. We begin to believe that our survival depends on adhering to these ideologies, which only deepens our disconnection from our true selves. If the world is driven by agendas that compel us to adopt unreal beliefs and identities, it’s inevitable that we will feel disillusioned, as we are being forced to live inauthentically.

3. Disregard for Our Moral Compass

The third reason is that the world does not align with our intrinsic moral compass. Deep down, we all have an innate sense of what is true, real, and whole. Morality, at its core, is about aligning ourselves with this sense of wholeness and connection. However, the world we live in is often fragmented, designed to keep people separated, to reduce individuals to economic units, and to prioritise profit over people. These aspects of the modern world conflict with our inner moral truth.

When we force ourselves to live in ways that contradict our moral compass, we experience a deep internal friction. This dissonance is not just a vague discomfort; it manifests as a persistent void or an inner itch that cannot be easily soothed. We carry this friction with us, and it haunts us because we are disconnected from our true selves.

The Consequences of Externalising Friction

This persistent friction often leads people to externalise their discomfort instead of looking inward to address the root cause. This tendency explains the increasing polarisation in the political landscape, particularly in the West. Many people are projecting their internal shame and disconnection onto others, rather than realigning with their true values, developing a genuine ideological understanding, and living in accordance with their moral truth.

Ultimately, when the world imposes constant friction on us, we eventually reach a breaking point. This is when we start to wake up and realise that something needs to change. The way forward is not about adapting to the world, but about making the world adapt to us, by living authentically and reconnecting with our true selves.

In my coaching practice, I encounter this scenario frequently. Many clients come to me because they’ve reached a breaking point—often due to the immense friction they feel from either going against their true selves or from the exasperation we’ve been discussing. This friction builds up to a point where they feel something has to change, or they fear they might snap in a way that could be damaging. Essentially, people are carrying around this internal conflict, but there’s an even more insidious layer to it.

The world is structured in a way that encourages people to keep others in this state of friction and unconsciousness. This might sound extreme, but it’s done subtly through mechanisms like shame and guilt. The world is designed to confine us within the ‘box’ or the ‘matrix’ we’ve discussed, and those whose identities are deeply tied to these constructs often use shame and guilt to prevent others from waking up. If you start to rebel—by living your own values or challenging the prevailing ideologies—the world responds by making you feel guilty or ashamed, as if there’s something wrong with you. This only adds to the sense of exasperation.

As a result, many people eventually run out of steam. Some give up, feeling they don’t have the energy to fight any longer, and they internalise the world’s values, ideologies, and moral codes. They trick themselves into believing the world is real, despite the inner conflict they feel. Others, however, recognise that the world is unreal but feel powerless to change it, so they go through the motions, acting as if it’s real to avoid the stress of confronting the truth. They do this to avoid the backlash from those who are still deeply entrenched in the illusion, fearing the shame and guilt that might be heaped upon them for stepping out of line.

Adapting to the world in an unreal way is ultimately a survival mechanism

This brings us back to the notion that while feeling disillusioned or exasperated is unpleasant, it’s also a positive sign of awareness. Once you start to awaken to these feelings, you’re faced with a choice: will you continue to succumb to the fragmentation of the world, or will you choose to align with what you know to be real?

In choosing the latter, something that has greatly helped me is understanding that what is real will always remain real. Just as a leopard cannot change its spots, the core of who you are cannot be altered. Often, when people find themselves overwhelmed by exasperation and friction, they seek an escape. The path of least resistance is usually to conform to the world—essentially, to ‘paint over’ their true selves in order to blend in with the world’s values, ideologies, and moral codes, thereby hiding what they know to be true about themselves. However, as we’ve discussed, a leopard cannot change its spots. You might temporarily disguise yourself to fit in, but your true nature remains unchanged.

Adapting to the world in this superficial way might seem like the easiest solution at first, but eventually, you will reach a point—perhaps five or ten years down the line—where you realise you’ve been living a facade. You’ve been playing a role within the constructed ‘matrix’ of the world to make life more manageable. This realisation often leads to what many refer to as a midlife crisis, where you understand that you’ve been living conceptually, not experientially; you’ve been existing in the world, but not in reality. At this point, you are faced with the task of undoing the false identity you’ve created under external pressures and the inner friction that has accumulated.

You can adapt to the world for a sense of short-term survival, or you can refuse to conform and instead, make the world adapt to you. This involves creating a vision for yourself that aligns with your true values, acting on it, and, most importantly, accepting the truth about who you are. This path leads to freedom rather than friction.

It’s important to note that adapting isn’t inherently negative. We can and should adapt in a real and healthy way as we navigate life, learning and evolving in response to our experiences. However, the type of adaptation we’re discussing here is different—it’s about hiding or cutting off parts of yourself to blend in with an unreal world.

There are two key things to understand about these survival mechanisms. First, when something hurts us, we often instinctively try to become more like it as a means of protection. For instance, a man hurt by a woman may adopt more feminine traits, while a woman hurt by a man may become more masculine. We adopt what we perceive as the strengths of those who have hurt us, believing it will make us stronger and more resilient in the future. But if we do this at the expense of our own nature, it only adds more friction between ourselves and reality, leading to further exasperation and disillusionment.

The second point is that these survival instincts only provide short-term relief. Adopting false values or ideologies might help you cope temporarily, as it removes the friction of resisting conformity. However, in the long term, this approach only deepens the gap between your true self and the life you’re living. Eventually, the unresolved truth about who you are will resurface, bringing with it a renewed sense of void, restlessness, and the feeling of something essential missing from your life.

In the end, while you can choose to adapt and conform to the world, this is only a temporary solution. The real you will eventually awaken, and you’ll find yourself needing to reconfigure your life to align with the truth you’ve been avoiding.

The best approach is to view disillusionment and exasperation as the beginning of a process of raising awareness. However, awareness alone isn’t enough. As I often say, the journey consists of three stages: awareness, acceptance, and action.

First, let the exasperation and disillusionment help you become more aware. Then, you need to accept the truth of what we’ve discussed here: you’re feeling this way because you’ve taken on things that aren’t truly yours—they’re not real for you. You can unlearn these false beliefs and recognise that the world, as it presents itself, is not reality.

Once you reach this point of acceptance, the next step is to start acting in alignment with what is genuinely real for you. This is where you’ll begin to reclaim your freedom. When you align with your true values and reality, the feelings of disillusionment and exasperation will no longer be burdensome. Instead, you’ll transform that inner friction into something meaningful, allowing you to move forward unencumbered by the weight of inauthenticity.

Awareness, Acceptance, & Action works every time.

So, what’s the way out of disillusionment and exasperation? It comes down to three key steps: awareness, acceptance, and action.

When you’re disillusioned, you’ve started to become aware of the gap between who you truly are and the external pressures and expectations the world imposes on you. This awareness can feel like tasting a bitter pill, but to move forward, you need to swallow it fully. By doing so, you move from mere awareness to acceptance.

Once you reach acceptance, the weight of the unreal things the world asks of you begins to lift. The illusions—this “matrix” or “veil” that separates you from life—start to dissolve. You realize that the only reason these illusions had power over you was because you had lost touch with your inner self, the real you. With acceptance comes freedom. You remember your true nature, reconnect with a sense of wholeness, and begin making decisions based on what’s real and true for you, rather than being driven by external, inauthentic influences.

From there, you can enter the third stage: action. With newfound clarity, you can act from a place of genuine values, creating a vision for your life that reflects your true self. You’ll start thinking independently, making decisions based on your own moral compass rather than being swayed by societal pressures or the latest trends. You’re no longer just reacting to the world, but living purposefully and authentically.

The lesson here is simple: the world isn’t reality, but you are. By focusing on what’s real—your real values, real connections, and real purpose—you can navigate away from disillusionment and find your true path. If you’re feeling that sense of disillusionment now, it’s a sign to shift your focus. Reconnect with what truly matters to you, find or build a community that resonates with your values, and stop living on autopilot. When you do this, the rest will fall into place.

In short, embrace your true self—your “leopard spots”—and don’t settle for living by the world’s illusions. If you feel disillusioned, it’s time to fully accept this and step into your real life. If you want to talk more about this, or need guidance, feel free to reach out to me at olianderson.co.uk/talk. Life can be amazing when we stay real and focused on what truly matters. Thanks for reading, and peace to you.

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