by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Learning to balance the real and unreal to find your primal self.
Human existence is a peculiar balancing act.
We live at the intersection of two overlapping realities: the Human Order, a world constructed of symbolism, culture, and social agreements, and the Universal Order, the raw, chaotic, and necessary laws of nature that underpin existence itself.
For most of us, navigating this gap between these two worlds is an unconscious struggle:
We wake up, scroll through our phones, go to work, pay our bills, interact with others, and move through life adhering to a complex web of cultural norms. Yet beneath the surface, our animal nature – the drives and instincts shaped by millions of years of evolution – is never far away.
This tension, the pull between NECESSITY and SYMBOLISM, is not just external. It lives within each of us. It shapes our thoughts, our behaviours, and the very fabric of our daily lives. To truly live authentically, we must understand and embrace this duality instead of suppressing it – only then can we TRANSCEND it and become REAL by embracing the PRIMAL SELF.
The Gap Between Two Orders and the Primal Self
The Human Order is a symbolic construct defined by our collective EGOS. It’s made up of the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, how we should behave, and what is valuable. These stories create culture, economics, politics, and all the systems we rely on to live in large, organised groups. While this order provides stability, structure, and opportunity, it often comes at the cost of disconnection – from nature, from others, and from ourselves.
The Universal Order, by contrast, is the domain of nature’s immutable laws. It is chaotic, unsympathetic, and untamed, operating without concern for human sentiment. It’s the raw world of survival, competition, and biological necessity, where creatures fight for resources and where the laws of nature reign supreme.
Our lives, therefore, are caught in the crossfire. We’re animals living in a human-made cage of symbols. And while this cage has allowed us to build skyscrapers, create art, and explore the stars, it can also alienate us from the deeper, primal truths of who we are.
The Inner Struggle: Necessity vs Symbolism
To complicate matters further, this conflict isn’t just societal – it’s deeply personal.
Within each of us, there’s an ongoing war between our natural impulses and the social contracts we’ve internalised.
Our bodies are still wired for survival in a primal world; we crave connection, food, sex, and movement; we’re built to respond to danger, to seek shelter, to protect our loved ones. But these instincts are constantly being shaped and suppressed by the Human Order: the expectations to sit still, behave politely, perform roles, and live within the confines of socially acceptable behaviour.
It’s no wonder, then, that so many people feel disconnected or in conflict with themselves. Our natural impulses are often at odds with the symbolic dictates of modern life and – when we suppress these impulses too rigidly or for too long – the result can be anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of being out-of-sync with reality.
Finding Happiness in the Tension
The key to navigating this tension lies not in choosing one order over the other, but in seeing ourselves as the bridge between the two. Happiness, or at least a deeper sense of fulfilment, begins when we stop fighting this duality and start integrating it.
It’s about embracing both the symbolic and the necessary parts of life. It’s about recognising that while we are cultural beings, we are also animals with biological needs and instincts. Finding this balance requires both awareness and acceptance so we can take REAL ACTION without being held back by obsolete biological wiring or social programming that has nothing to do with reality.
Accepting Your Inner Animal and Finding the Primal Self
A large part of this journey involves reconnecting with your primal self. This doesn’t mean abandoning modern life or reverting to some romanticised “noble savage” ideal. It means acknowledging your instincts, emotions, and desires as natural and valid parts of who you are.
For example:
- If you feel anger or sadness, don’t suppress it because society tells you these emotions are “unattractive.” Instead, explore what these feelings are telling you and let them flow in a healthy, constructive way by channeling them into your REAL VISION.
- If you feel the urge to move, to run, to shout, or even to howl at the moon if you’re feeling fancy (and it won’t harm anyone), why not? Allow yourself to feel alive.
- If your body craves rest or nourishment, listen to it instead of overriding it with cultural ideals about productivity or diet fads.
By honouring your animal instincts, you reconnect with the Universal Order and create space for REALNESS to emerge.
Understanding the Symbolic Cage
At the same time, we must also understand and respect the Human Order. Culture, after all, is what allows us to coexist in communities. It’s what enables us to build relationships, share knowledge, and create meaning. The symbolic world is not inherently ‘bad’ – it’s just incomplete when taken alone or it effaces our realness.
The trick is to remain aware of the ways in which cultural norms and expectations influence your behaviour. Are you suppressing your true self because you’re afraid of what others might think? Are you conforming to societal standards at the expense of your own well-being?
Freedom lies in the ability to consciously navigate the symbolic world while staying true to your natural instincts. It’s about being aware of the stories you’re living by and choosing which ones to keep and which to let go.
If the stories are REAL, then your life will become real; if they’re unreal, your life will become unreal.
(This is why I always like to say “Gimme something real or GTFO”).
Freedom in the Gap
Real freedom exists in the gap between mastery of your biology and understanding your cultural programming. It’s not about swinging wildly from one extreme to the other, but about finding harmony between the two.
This doesn’t mean you should reject all social norms or abandon politeness – it simply means being honest with yourself about what you need to feel alive and fulfilled.
For instance:
- You don’t have to stop using a knife and fork, but you can allow yourself to enjoy food with the enthusiasm of someone who truly savours it.
- You don’t have to yell or cry in every moment of frustration, but you can give yourself permission to express your emotions honestly and without shame.
A large part of finding realness is about rejecting the hyper-neuroticism of modern life – the endless striving for perfection, control, and validation – and reconnecting with the truth of who you are: a human being who bleeds, breathes, loves, and sometimes breaks things.
Choosing Realness Over Fabrication
The ultimate goal is to live authentically, to integrate both the Human Order and the Universal Order into a cohesive whole. This means recognising the fabricated nature of many cultural constructs while still finding value in them. It also means embracing the messy, animalistic side of life without fear or shame.
This isn’t an easy path. It requires a willingness to look at yourself honestly and to question the stories you’ve been living by but the reward is a life that feels real – one where you’re not constantly at war with yourself or the world around you because you’ve overcome the ego and the world by extension.
Escape from Modern Neuroticism
Much of the anxiety and disconnection that characterises modern life stems from our failure to navigate this duality. We’ve become so enmeshed in the symbolic world that we’ve lost touch with the universal one. We prioritise productivity over presence, appearance over authenticity, and convenience over connection.
The way out is knowing that by recognising the tension between the Human Order and the Universal Order, and by consciously working to bridge that gap, we can free ourselves from the neurotic patterns that hold us back.
Conclusion: Embrace the Whole
There’s no shame in being connected to the animal world – we are creatures of the earth, shaped by millions of years of evolution.
But we are also beings of culture, capable of creating meaning and beauty…to deny either side of this duality is to live a fragmented life.
The way forward is to embrace both the necessary and the symbolic, the universal and the human. By doing so, we can find a sense of balance, authenticity, and freedom that transcends the limits of either order alone.
So, howl if you need to. Dance like no one’s watching. Live with your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds. And, most importantly, refuse to be afraid of who you are.
Realness lies in the integration of all that you are – not just the parts you’ve been told to show.
Stay real out there,
*Based on ‘Revolution’ number fourteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
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