Building Flow: Finding Realness in Wholeness

by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

All Paths Lead to the Same Place: THE FLOW of WHOLENESS

Everybody is in their own flow, but it’s all flowing toward the same truth: wholeness.

This is a deceptively simple idea that captures the essence of what all effective helping and healing professions ultimately aim to achieve:

Whether through therapy, coaching, ‘spiritual’ guidance, or whatever else, the journey always leads back to a state of flow – a natural alignment with reality, where wholeness becomes both the destination and the path.

What is Flow?

Flow is often described as a state of effortless action – think of an artist immersed in their craft or an athlete performing at their peak; these are moments where action feels seamless, intuitive, and deeply satisfying.

But REAL flow is more than a temporary state of heightened productivity – it’s the process of aligning with reality. It’s a way of moving with life rather than against it, surrendering to what is rather than resisting or forcing what isn’t.

In my life and coaching philosophy of Realness, flow represents a state of living in truth; realness is about stripping away the layers of distortion and resitsance – false beliefs, learned patterns, and ego-driven narratives – that keep us in a shame-fuelled state of fragmentation and a false need to FORCE life (so we can keep hiding from ourselves and avoid the Shadow Self).

When we let go of these barriers, we reconnect with a deeper sense of self – our REALNESS – that is whole and unified. This process of uncovering and integrating our truth is what it means to build flow.

Building Flow: A Universal Path

Flow isn’t something that just happens to us; it’s something we build by learning to overcome the patterns and habitual ways of thinking, being, and doing that keep us from it… At frist this takes a little effort but – as we integrate and LET GO – it becomes effortless and REAL.

Ultimately, building flow requires Awareness, Acceptance, and Action—the three pillars of Realness and the main stages of transformation that I walk my coaching clients through (though it’s not a linear process – more of a spiral that we can go deeper and deeper into).

These stages guide us from a place of fragmentation to a state of wholeness:

Awareness: Recognising the obstacles to flow within ourselves. These can be emotional blockages, mental distortions, physical resistance, or anything else UNREAL that we need to let go of.
Acceptance: Embracing what we find without judgment. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means acknowledging reality as it is so we can work with it rather than against it. Only then can we BUILD in an effective way.
Action: Taking intentional steps to align with reality. This might involve healing practices, lifestyle changes, or simply letting go of control and trusting the process as we move towards our VISION.

As we build flow, we begin to experience life differently:

Challenges feel less like insurmountable obstacles and more like opportunities for growth, relationships become more authentic as we drop our projections and meet others in their own flow; most importantly, we start to feel a deeper connection to ourselves, others, and the world around us as we get into reality and out of our heads.

Guiding Others Into Flow

One of the most beautiful aspects of being in flow is that it naturally inspires others to find their own flow too:

When we’re aligned with reality, we stop forcing and start flowing and this shift in energy has a profound effect on the people around us. Instead of projecting our fears, insecurities, or expectations onto others, we create space for them to explore their own truth.

In my coaching practice, I’ve seen this time and again:

Clients who initially struggle with resistance – whether it’s resistance to their emotions, their circumstances, or themselves – begin to become more open as they build flow. This is never something I can force upon them; all I can do is guide them toward the conditions that allow flow to emerge (by asking the ‘right’ questions or helping them to accept things that are emerging from the Shadow Territory etc.).

Whe this happens, it’s kinda like watching a river break free from a dam. Their momentum builds, and suddenly they’re not just surviving – they’re thriving. They’re no longer UNREAL (stuck in ego) but REAL (taking action and flowing as their authentic selves).

What I love about this process (from a totally selfish point of view) is that it continually reinforces my own flow. Witnessing others reconnect with their wholeness reminds me of the interconnected nature of life. It’s a humbling and deeply fulfilling experience that underscores a simple truth that I try to live by these days:

I’m in wholeness, and wholeness is in me.

The Science of Flow and Wholeness

Flow isn’t just an airy-fairy ‘philosophical’ concept; it’s backed by science.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who coined the term “flow state,” found that people in flow experience heightened focus, creativity, and satisfaction. Neurologically, flow is associated with a state of transient hypofrontality, where the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self-criticism and overthinking and many other fragmented ‘ego’ type ways of engaging with life) quiets down.

This allows us to get out of our own way and to actually experience the reality of PRESENCE.

Similarly, the concept of wholeness aligns with what researchers in psychology and neuroscience describe as integration:

When different parts of the brain and body are working harmoniously, we experience greater well-being and resilience. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and somatic exercises are all ways to foster this integration and build flow because they ensure that our conscious and unconscious mind are pointing in the same direction instead of tearing us apart into deeper fragmentation and the Void.

Lessons From Nature

Nature offers countless examples of flow in action and shows us just how REAL it is:

Rivers don’t force their way to the ocean; they follow the path of least resistance. Trees grow in harmony with their environment, adapting to sunlight, water, and soil conditions. Even animals instinctively move in flow with the rhythms of nature, responding to seasonal changes and ecological dynamics.

As humans, we often lose this connection to natural flow – our minds get caught up in shoulds and shouldn’ts, fears and fantasies. But the more we align with reality – the way things truly are – and accept that IT IS WHAT IT IS the more we reconnect with the flow that underpins all of life.

Practical Steps to Build Flow

So that all sounds very nice but how do we make it practical?

Well, if you’re feeling ‘stuck’ or like you’re ready for your next level, then here are a few tangible ways to start building flow in your life:

Slow Down: Take time to pause and notice what’s happening within and around you. Stillness creates space for awareness and slows down your mind and nervous system. This allows you to actually be present instead of just reacting to your own physiology etc.
Let Go of Control: Practice surrendering to situations instead of forcing outcomes. Trust that life will unfold as it needs to. Most of life is beyond our control and so most attempts to control the uncontrollable are just the EGO trying to keep it’s hold over us (which is the main problem as it causes fragmentation and keeps us from wholeness…where the flow is).
Tune Into Your Body: Use breathwork, yoga, or other somatic practices to release physical tension and reconnect with your body’s natural rhythms. If you’re new to this kind of thing then I really recommend YIN YOGA – this is a very slow and meditative form of yoga that’s designed to help your body release and integrate whatever it needs to work on.
Embrace Discomfort: Growth often requires stepping outside your comfort zone. Learn to view challenges as opportunities to deepen your flow. Look for ways to STRETCH yourself daily – whether it’s more intensity with your workouts, a slightly bigger goal for yourself, or doing something new that will encourage you to let go of old patterns and develop new ones.
Surround Yourself With Realness: Seek out people, environments, and practices that support your alignment with truth. A famous mantra that I often use for myself (from my book Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World) is “Gimme something REAL or GTFO” – learn to discern the real from unreal and to continuously shift into making choices for wholeness (REAL) over fragmentation (unreal).

Flow as a Collective Journey

Ultimately, everyone is in their own flow, but all flows lead to the same truth: wholeness.

This is what unites us, even in our differences – by building flow within ourselves, we contribute to a larger collective flow – a movement toward greater REALNESS, connection, and harmony.

Keep doing two things and you’ll probably be all right:

Uncover the truth
Live the truth

Keep building your flow, and remember: “I’m in wholeness, and wholeness is in me” – it’s not just a mantra; it’s a way of living that transforms not only your life but the lives of everyone you flow with.

Stay real out there,

Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.

It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.

This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).

Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.