by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
How to Create Your Own Practical Philosophy and Code of Conduct
Modern life is plagued by two silent but deadly forces that most men rarely talk about but feel every day:
- The Void – that lingering sense of emptiness, fragmentation, and of not being whole that shows up as restlessness or a chronic itch that can’t quite ever be scratched. It comes from being split from the truth – almost always due to underlying shame and having built an identity around things that aren’t real as a reaction to this shame.
- Moral Relativism – the idea that anything goes, as long as it feels ‘good’ or fits the identity that we’ve created to play a role in the dreamworld of the Void. Moral relativism exists because there’s no agreed-upon standard anymore – just a swamp of opinions, trends, and personal preferences because we fell into the trap of thinking that all ideas are as valid as any other (when that’s simply not true because some ideas point more closely to reality than others).
Based on what I’ve seen coaching people over the years, then if you’re man between 35 and 44, then it’s highly likely that you’ve likely hit a point where these two forces have shown up; you might not have had fancy names for them, but you’ve felt their pull and you’ve been questioning yourself and life trying to figure out what to do about it.
What I can tell you from the get-go is that the answer isn’t to numb out, chase distractions, or pretend that everything’s fine – instead of running away like that you need to start moving in the opposite direction and start running towards something real:
Both of these problems are caused by an unreal and unhealthy relationship with the truth itself and so the solution is to start finding a way to heal this relationship and repairing the damage of fragmentation that a disconnection from truth causes.
One way to start doing this is to become conscious of your own personal philosophy and, by extension, your code of conduct – a practical, living system that grounds you in truth, gives you clarity, and helps you live in a REAL way.
This helps you to overcome the Void because it returns you to the truth about yourself and it helps you to overcome moral relativism because it helps you see the truth about the world and reality.
Your philosophy doesn’t need to be original to be valid – it just needs to be real to you. You might borrow from Stoicism, Christianity, Buddhism, or something your grandfather once said – as long as it holds weight and has been tested in your life, it’s valid.
As for your code, that doesn’t have to impress anyone else either – it just has to stand strong when life throws storms your way.
That’s how you’ll know it’s working.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
What We’ll Cover in This Article
- How to Create Your Own Practical Philosophy and Code of Conduct
- Why Philosophy Matters More Than Ever
- Making Philosophy Practical
- Trust in Something Higher
- A Path from Fragmentation to Wholeness
- Questions to Build Your Philosophy
- Uncover and Live the Truth (At Every Level)
- Break Free from Two Major Enemies of Truth: Social Programming and Biological Wiring
- Writing Your Code of Conduct
- Conclusion: Your Practical Philosophy Leads to A Real Life
Why Philosophy Matters More Than Ever
Most people think philosophy is abstract, academic, or too fluffy for real life and that can definitely be true of those ‘philosophers’ in ivory towers playing mind games with symbols and language or whatever it is that they’re doing.
Practical philosophy, on the other hand, is just this: a quest for truth. And truth always matters – especially when you ACT on it.
When we commit to the truth, something radical starts to happen:
- The Void begins to dissolve because truth restores wholeness and brings the fragmented parts of ourselves back into alignment. This allows us to be what we were supposed to be before we picked up shame (which is what leads to the Void in the first place).
- Moral relativism loses its grip and we can stand on a solid foundation instead of always feeling like our life could crumble at any second. This is because truth – by its nature – is not subjective: our interpretations may vary, but truth itself doesn’t bend to opinion.
As an example, maybe you realise that constantly chasing short-term pleasure (booze, status, porn, ‘likes’) in an attempt to fill the Void has left you feeling more lost. What you start to realise as you dig into it is that the truth is that these things don’t lead to fulfilment. This being the case, your personal practical philosophy might include a code like: “I choose depth over distraction”.
Making Philosophy Practical
Philosophy only ‘matters’ if it can be lived (otherwise it really is just abstract and empty):
Life moves and circumstances change and so your philosophy can’t be rigid dogma – it has to be a living system that helps you navigate change while staying true to your values. At the same time, though, it will probably need to comprise certain principles that never change like the law of cause and effect, for example, or the idea that “the only constant in life is change“.
This means aligning your philosophy with principles about how life actually works – for example:
- Everything moves: Life is in constant flux.
- You don’t control everything: Your plans are only ever a best guess.
- But you can still aim: You can walk the path with direction, grounded in your core values.
Your philosophy might include something like: “I embrace what I can’t control and focus only on what’s mine to act upon” – this stops you from spiralling when life throws you curveballs (illness, redundancy, heartbreak) and keeps you grounded.
It accepts the underlying principles but allows room for the surface of life to keep changing and evolving so you don’t lapse into dogma (that eventually would just hold you back because it’s static and real life keeps moving).
Trust in Something Higher
Every strong philosophy or theology has to acknowledge one basic truth: you are not the centre of the universe.
You can’t white-knuckle your way through life and expect peace – you need to trust in something beyond your ego:
- God
- Nature
- A set of sacred principles or values (like courage, truth, humility)
- Even chaos and uncertainty as long as it’s real to you and you know your reasons for trusting in these things
This trust reminds you that life is bigger than your own mind and helps you adapt with grace when things go off-script (which they always will because the map is not the territory).
As an example, your code might include something like: “I trust that life gives me what I need even when it contradicts what I want“.
The reasons it’s important to build something ‘higher’ than just yourself into the philosophy is because doing this embraces the fact that you can’t control everything in your life and that you don’t know everything in your life – sure, you know a lot, but in the gaps in your knowledge there’s always space for more reality.
A Path from Fragmentation to Wholeness
The point of a personal philosophy isn’t just to have better ideas – it’s to become whole again and to overcome the symptoms of the Void and the moral relativism that supports it.
Wholeness means integrating all parts of yourself:
- The ego and the shadow.
- The pain and the possibility.
- The confusion and the clarity.
This is what all great religions and workable spiritual systems aim at: not perfection, but alignment, flow, and integrity.
For example, your code might include: “I welcome discomfort if it brings me closer to wholeness“.
This one simple sentence can radically change how you show up in conflict, work, relationships, and in whatever inner work you need to do on yourself: if you know that it’s all carrying you towards wholeness, then you can come from a stance of acceptance instead of resistance.
Questions to Build Your Philosophy
To build your own philosophy, you need to wrestle with deep questions so that you can really dig deep into the knowledge that you already have and weed out any unrealistic assumptions that are holding you back from truth.
Don’t rush this. Let it unfold. But keep coming back to it so that you can keep refining your relationship with the truth and going deeper into it:
Some questions to ask (sit down when you have some time and journal out your answers to some of these):
- What does it mean to be a human being? Are we here to consume, to love, to grow, to serve, or something else entirely?
- What do all humans have in common? Mortality, pain, joy, dreams? The journey that we’re on? Our nature? What makes sense to you based on what you’ve seen of this life?
- How do I make moral choices? Is it about consequences? Integrity? A compass deeper than reason? Wholeness? Relativism? What do you think?
- What values do I want to live by no matter what? Honour, truth, courage, compassion, discipline? Freedom, creativity, humour, flow? If you know your values you can take action on them and change your own life (and the lives of other people by extension).
- What assumptions am I carrying that might not be true? E.g. “I have to be successful to be worthy”, “I have to be beautiful to be loved”, etc. Weed out your limiting beliefs and the assumptions that they’re rooted in because they dictate your whole life.
These questions are your trail markers as you answer them, you begin to build a clear map of your own realness and the philosophy that stems from it.
Uncover and Live the Truth (At Every Level)
The good life isn’t about being right – it’s about being real. That means doing two things every day:
- Uncover the truth – Let go of illusions, lies, conditioning and go deeper into wholeness.
- Live the truth – Act in alignment with it (and then go even deeper into wholeness).
You need to do this at all levels and your philosophy will (probably – it’s your philosophy, after all) need to reflect them:
- Physical truth: What’s really going on with your body? Are you tired, inflamed, addicted? How do you see your relationship with your body and what do you need to do to improve it?
- Mental truth: Are your thoughts clear or distorted by ego/fear? How are your beliefs holding you back? What mental gremlins do you need to bash? Are you identified with the fragments of the mind instead of who you really are in wholeness?
- Emotional truth: Are you feeling your feelings, or suppressing them? Do you have a healthy relationship with your own emotions? Do you identify with them and stay stuck in them? Do you ignore them and pretend you’re a robot?
- Spiritual truth: Are you living as if life is sacred or are you just passing time? What does ‘spiritual’ even mean to you? Why does it matter? How does it help you to deal with the Void and moral relativism?
For example, if your body is screaming for rest but your ego is chasing hustle because of some underlying emotional ‘stuff’ (shame, usually), the truth is clear: you’re out of sync with your own spiritual truth and you’re trying to find meaning in places you never can. In this case, your code might include something like “I honour the signals of my body before the demands of my ego“.
Break Free from Two Major Enemies of Truth: Social Programming and Biological Wiring
There are two forces that try to pull you away from reality every single day:
- Social programming – the web of messages that say: “You’re only worthy if you look a certain way, earn a certain amount, or follow a certain script”.
- Your own flesh/biological wiring – the part of you that craves ease, comfort, instant gratification. It isn’t evil, but it must be tamed like a wild horse and led in the direction of your vision.
You must train yourself to recognise these forces and reject their ill effects in your life when necessary – your personal practical philosophy will need to have a basic way of discerning between when these things are holding you back or not.
For example, your code could include “I am not here to be liked. I am here to live true” to help you overcome social programming and something like “I do what’s right, not what’s easy” to help you overcome the weakness of the flesh.
Writing Your Code of Conduct
Once you’ve spent some time exploring the ‘big; questions and peeled back some of the illusions that are stopping you seeing yourself, the world, and reality clearly, it’s time to distil your insights into something practical and real.
Your Code of Conduct = Philosophy in Action
Ideally, this needs to be:
- Personal (true to you)
- Clear (no fluff)
- Grounded in truth (not just preference or opinion)
- Revisited often (as life changes around you and you change with it)
Your philosophy may be endless but try and keep your code of conduct to about 5 basic points that you commit to memory:
Example Code (5 simple points):
- I tell the truth, even when it costs me.
- I treat my body like a sacred vessel.
- I take responsibility for everything in my life.
- I embrace discomfort as a teacher.
- I trust that life is unfolding as it should.
If your practical philosophy is based in truth then your code of conduct will keep you REAL.
Conclusion: Your Practical Philosophy Leads to A Real Life
Most men drift but a few decide to step up, face facts, and anchor themselves to something real.
Creating your own philosophy and code of conduct won’t make life easier – but it will make your life yours (instead of either the world’s or the product of living on autopilot to nowhere).
With it, you’ll stop outsourcing your meaning to society, trends, or your past; you’ll start walking a path that’s honest, rooted, and real, and that – in the end – is what makes a man unshakable.
Start today – not with the perfect answers (which is impossible) but with the willingness to seek and live the truth.
When you build a life around that… you’ll never go back to the Void.
Stay real out there,
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