by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Don’t Worry If You’re Not Worried – It’s Just Time to Embrace Real Flow Over Forced Struggle
Something I’ve seen more than a few times when coaching people over the years is that we sometimes get so used to life being a certain ‘way’ that we start to identify with it and feel like something’s off when things begin to change – even if that change is something that we wanted and what we’ve left behind was undesired in the first place.
This is especially true when we’ve been ‘stuck’ or caught up in patterns that don’t serve us for years or even decades and then we start to see progress in letting go and transcending these things by taking REAL ACTION and changing the game.
Essentially, it all boils down to the fact that some of us are so used to living under stress and pressure that when life finally starts flowing and begins to get REAL again, then we panic, because we don’t know who we are without the friction, frustration, and misery that stress and pressure can bring.
It sounds more than a little counterintuitive, doesn’t it?
After years of fighting through obstacles, pushing against resistance, and navigating constant stress, you’d think feeling ‘good‘ would be a relief but, instead, it feels… off. Almost like something must be ‘wrong‘ or that something is missing.
This is a common experience for people doing deep inner work – especially those who have spent years IDENTIFYING with struggle (“identify” being the keyword): Once they start gaining real momentum, the old stories begin to dissolve, life moves from force to flow…and then? They start second-guessing themselves and all the progress they’ve made.
This article is for anybody who’s experiencing this kind of shift and here’s the truth you need to know from the get-go:
Nothing is ‘wrong’ – you’re just not used to things going ‘right’.
Let’s dig in:
The Gremlin in Your Head (And Why It’s So Loud)
If you’ve been fuelled by worry and overthinking for most of your life, your mind has likely developed a deeply ingrained habit: listening to “The Gremlin”.
The Gremlin is that little voice in your head that hesitates, doubts, overanalyses, and makes you feel like you’re never quite ready because nothing will ever work out, nothing makes sense, and you don’t deserve whatever it is that you want anyway because you’re not ‘good enough’ (for reasons that are never made clear).
The Gremlin feeds on worry. It thrives on problems. It has convinced you that being ‘concerned’ and even ‘worried’ all the time makes you mature and responsible and so if you take a moment to breathe and stop worrying about things then you’re just reckless and should be ashamed (because we all know that worrying and concern are valuable activities for adults).
Here’s what’s so funny, though:
The Gremlin is not who you really are.
It might seem like ‘You’ and it might even whisper to you in a voice that sounds just like yours but it’s actually just the result of years of unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ and the conditioning that stems from it and your relationship with the world. It’s your ego’s way of trying to keep you ‘safe’ – but vastly unhappy – by clinging to familiar patterns, even when those patterns are making you miserable and preventing you from getting the RESULTS you want from life.
We can see that this is true by seeing that when when you start taking real action – getting out of your head, moving towards your REAL VISION, and engaging with life as it is – the Gremlin starts to quieten down.
And this is where people sometimes get ‘stuck’ again (despite having just freed themselves):
That silence feels strange and uncomfortable because they either don’t know what to fill it with or can’t stand what the silence reveals about them without all the distractions of the Gremlin blocking the pure signal that’s coming from the REAL self (which always feels strange when we’ve been away from it for a while and it’s no longer FAMILIAR).
Why does this happen? Because after playing like a broken record for so long, the noise and chatter of the Gremlin felt like you and so you just kind of let it keep doing its thing.
If you want to get to where you’re going (your REAL life) then you need to learn to BASH that Gremlin and kick it into shape.
Breaking the Addiction to Struggle
Many of us have been conditioned to believe that life must be hard all of the time no matter what (and though it’s true that “Life is suffering” as the Buddhists said this doesn’t mean that we have to suffer more than necessary by denying reality and adding friction, frustration, and misery to our lives).
If we’re not careful we can start to think that suffering means we’re doing something meaningful; that worry is a sign of ‘responsibility’ instead of fear run amok; that suffering is who we are instead of just something that we experience here-and-there (just like we experience a cornucopia of positive emotions in life too).
All of this means when we finally step into our realness – when we stop overthinking, start trusting, and let go of the constant mental battles – it can feel completely unfamiliar and this just causes old patterns flare back up:
- Shouldn’t I be stressed about something?
- What if I’m being reckless by not overthinking this decision?
- Something must be wrong – this feels too easy.
- I feel too good and happy – is that selfish?
- Etc. etc. etc.
This is just the ego grasping for control because it’s afraid of losing the only identity it has ever known: the one that struggles. If you start to step into your REAL identity (your realness as you move towards wholeness instead of the mere fragments that ego asks you to identify with) then your ego will have to change shape or form too (and when that happens your SHADOW SELF will resurface and threaten the status quo and false sense of ‘safety’ in your life that the ego has built).
It doesn’t have to be this way, though:
Life isn’t supposed to be an uphill battle – when you align with what is real, things start to flow and you can finally leave the Void that the Gremlin has dragged you into. That doesn’t mean you won’t face challenges – it just means you’ll meet them with presence, clarity, and trust, rather than fear, hesitation, and doubt.
It means that you’ll be able to listen to yourself instead of that Gremlin.
Moving from Force to Flow
To break free from the Gremlin and your struggle addiction you need to make peace with a fact about life that’s quite radical (if you’re a ‘worrier’):
Ease is not the enemy and struggle is not a badge of honour.
Think about the times when you were most effective, most creative, most present, for example – were you in a state of panic? Probably not.
You were most likely in flow – that space where action happens seamlessly and naturally, where effort eventually becomes effortless, and where things seem to unfold with a rhythm you don’t have to control because you’re just going with life instead of against it.
This doesn’t mean you do nothing; it doesn’t mean you sit back and wait for life to hand you everything on a plate.
All it really means that your actions are no longer driven by fear, doubt, or force because you’re no longer being prompted by that Gremlin.
It’s the difference between:
- Overanalysing every step before you even get started vs. trusting yourself to take the next step and then figuring out the next one.
- Forcing things to happen vs. allowing things to unfold as you actively participate.
- Operating from tension vs. moving from clarity and the RELEASE it brings when you act on something REAL.
This is what realness looks like – living in that flow state as you take a creative approach to life.
It’s also about knowing that if you’re really feeling it – if you’re suddenly not worried, not overwhelmed, not stuck in your head – then congratulations because you’re not lost, you’re not ‘missing’ something… you’re just not used to things working but now they ARE!
Practical Steps: How to Get Comfortable with Flow
If you’ve spent years being fuelled by stress, breaking the cycle of holding onto old tension and having the Gremlin shout at you about it all takes conscious effort.
Here’s how you can start integrating this shift and growing REAL again:
1. Recognise the Gremlin for What It Is
When that little voice pops up saying, “Something’s wrong, I should be stressed”, don’t fight it – just notice it. Recognise that this is an old pattern trying to reassert itself and take control again. You don’t have to engage with it; just observe it, see it for what it is, and move forward anyway.
2. Strengthen the Awareness, Acceptance, Action Cycle
The key to real transformation is this simple process:
- Awareness: Recognise when you’re falling into an old pattern of stress or overthinking.
- Acceptance: Acknowledge it without judgment. This is just conditioning – it’s not who you really are when you’re being REAL, nor is it telling you anything TRUE.
- Action: Choose a different response that’s aligned with who you want to become as you grow into your vision. Keep moving forward, even if it feels ‘weird’ to do so.
3. Practice Trusting the Silence
When the noise of worry fades and the Gremlin gives you some space, then don’t rush to fill it. Learn to sit with the quiet.
Journal, meditate, take a walk – do whatever helps you experience the feeling of ease without trying to sabotage it. That feeling of ease is the real you (as the old Chinese proverb goes: “Tension is who you think you should be .Relaxation is who you are”).
4. Stop Equating Worry with Responsibility
You don’t need to be anxious, stressed, or even ‘busy’ to be productive. In fact, the best decisions are made from a place of clarity, not fear (F.E.A.R = “False Evidence Appearing Real”). Shift your mindset from “If I’m not worried, it means I don’t care” to “I can care deeply without needing to suffer”.
5. Keep Taking Real Action
The fastest way to reinforce this new way of being is through action. When you act from realness instead of fear, you prove to yourself that things can work without stress and struggle. Keep building momentum and eventually that Gremlin will shut up once and for all.
Final Thought: This Is How It’s Meant to Be
If you’re feeling too ‘good’ – if life is flowing, if you’re not consumed by overthinking, if things are working in a way they never have before – then don’t sabotage it.
Nothing is ‘wrong’ – you just tapped back into your REAL life and began to let go of unnecessary struggle, for the first time. In other words, you’re experiencing life as it actually is, not as your conditioned mind told you it should be.
Basically: if you’re not worried, don’t worry. This is what TRUST feels like (trust in yourself and trust in life
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