by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The Simplest Way to Start Being Respected is to Start Respecting Your Own Time
Every man wants respect.
It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, or what stage of life you’re in – one of the deepest drives that sits at the core of being a man is the desire to be respected.
Not feared. Not pitied. Not laughed at.
Respected.
The problem, of course, is that many men don’t have it and they don’t know what to do about it:
Instead, they feel walked over, ignored, or taken advantage of and so – when that happens – it’s easy to lash out, get defensive, or try to force respect out of others.
Naturally, these kind of tactics never work because of the universal law that if you chase something it runs away and so, the more you demand respect from the outside, the more it tends to slip through your fingers.
If you’ve ever wondered why people don’t take you seriously or why your relationships, your workplace, or even your mates sometimes treat you as if your presence doesn’t really matter then you should know that here’s one simple shift in perspective that can change everything.
It goes like this:
If you want to be respected by others, start by respecting your own time, energy, and attention.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
How To Gain Respect as a Man: What We’ll Cover in this Article
- The Simplest Way to Start Being Respected is to Start Respecting Your Own Time
- Why Respect Starts With Respecting Yourself First
- Opportunity Cost: The Hidden Price of Every Choice
- The Three Big Wastes: How to (Literally) Waste Your Life
- The Shift Back to Realness: Reclaiming What’s Yours
- Respect Is Earned By Results
- Practical Steps: How to Start Respecting Your Resources
- The Final Word On Gaining Respect: Stop Wasting Your Time
Why Respect Starts With Respecting Yourself First
Respect isn’t given but recognised:
People respect you when they can see you respect yourself and the easiest way for them to see that is by how you treat the most valuable resources you have:
Your time, your energy, and your attention.
Think about it in the most basic possible terms:
Life is finite which means that you’re not going to be here forever – this being the case, every single day, you’re running out of time.
Your energy isn’t infinite either and you only have so much in the tank each day before you burn out.
As for your attention? It’s the steering wheel of your life and so wherever it goes, your life follows.
In short: what you CHOOSE to do with these resources affects the course and condition of your whole life and so – at the end of the day – if you don’t respect them and what they can do for you then why would anyone else?
The harsh truth is that most men don’t get respected because they waste their time, energy, and attention on unreal things that don’t serve them:
They distract themselves with entertainment that doesn’t elevate them; they pour their energy into relationships that drain them; they obsess over problems, gossip, or the endless noise of the news cycle instead of focusing on growth and serving others.
The end result of wasting these most precious of resources is that they end up passive, weak-willed, and frustrated and nobody respects that…least of all themselves.
Opportunity Cost: The Hidden Price of Every Choice
Here’s a key idea that can help you to digest all of this ‘stuff’:
Everything you do comes at the cost of something else – something that economists call an opportunity cost.
If you spend an hour of your time scrolling on your phone, the opportunity cost is that you didn’t spend that hour building strength in the gym, learning a new skill, or being present with your family.
If you pour your energy into pointless arguments, the cost is that you don’t have that energy to put into your career, your craft, or your mission.
If your attention is constantly hijacked by distractions, you miss the chance to invest it in something real- something that grows you into the man you’re meant to be and carries you towards you vision.
When you don’t make conscious choices about where your time, energy, and attention go, you’re not just wasting them – you’re also sacrificing your future and making life more unreal for whoever you end up becoming down the line.
The Three Big Wastes: How to (Literally) Waste Your Life
Let’s break this down even further by looking at exactly how you can waste your life by wasting the beautiful and powerful resources that you’ve been gifted:
1. Wasting Your Time
Time is the most obvious because once it’s gone, it’s gone and you can never rewind it or claim it back (though you can invest it so you get more out of it).
Despite this, so many men waste hours, days, even years of their lives on activities that are nothing more than escapes like gaming, binge-watching, doom scrolling, drinking excessively, or whatever else.
Now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with rest or fun in moderation but if your life is mostly about killing time, then you can hardly be be surprised if nobody respects you.
Why should they if you don’t respect your own life enough to use your time well?
2. Wasting Your Energy
Energy is subtler – so much so that you might not even realise you’re giving it away:
Every toxic relationship, every pointless argument, every act of people-pleasing, or every time you worry unnecessarily about things that can’t be changed bleeds your energy dry.
You know those people who leave you feeling drained just by being around them? Or those situations that suck you in and leave you feeling like you’ve lost hours of your life?
That’s energy being wasted and most of the time it’s completely unnecessary because you can remove yourself from the situation (if you set healthy boundaries and say “No”).
The harsh truth is that a man who wastes his energy becomes weaker over time – physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.
On the other hand, a man who protects and builds his energy becomes stronger.
It’s really that simple.
3. Wasting Your Attention
Attention is the most powerful of the three because of the simple rule of nature that says:
What you focus on grows.
(Read that again if you haven’t heard it before because it will serve you greatly).
If you obsess over problems, drama, and fear, your life fills up with them. If you focus on a vision, growth, and truth, that’s what you get more of. Attention is like sunlight: whatever you shine it on, that thing grows.
The problem is that most men let the world hijack their attention:
Social media, endless bad news, gossip, pornography etc. etc. etc. – it’s all designed to pull your attention away from your real life and into someone else’s agenda which causes you to lose FOCUS on what really matters: your own real vision and growth.
In short: every time you give your attention away to some kind of BS, then you’re basically saying: “I don’t value my own mind enough to guard it”.
The Shift Back to Realness: Reclaiming What’s Yours
The ‘good’ news is that you can stop this cycle at any time because the moment you realise your time, energy, and attention are yours and that they’re priceless, you can start treating them with respect.
When you do this, everything changes:
You stop wasting time on distractions and instead invest it in things that move you forward like building strength, learning skills, creating, and serving others.
You stop wasting energy on empty relationships or toxic dynamics and instead pour it into people, projects, and practices that give back as much as they take.
You stop wasting attention on noise and start focusing it like a laser on your real purpose.
This where the ‘magic’ begins because when you respect your resources other people can see and sense it and so they naturally start respecting you more.
Why might this be?
It’s because:
- They see that you have a real purpose and you know what you want.
- They see that you can set boundaries and say “no” without guilt.
- They see that you’re growing and evolving instead of staying stuck.
- They see that you’re facing your ego, integrating your shadow, and taking real action.
- And most importantly, they see results because when your time, energy, and attention are invested instead of wasted, your life produces fruit – creative works, businesses, families, or whatever path is real for you.
Respect Is Earned By Results
At the end of the day, this all brings us to a simple truth about life and human relationships:
Respect comes down to results.
Not just money or status, but the results of living with purpose, the results of building something real, and the results of refusing to waste what you’ve been given.
If people don’t respect you, it’s time to stop blaming them and start looking at how you’re using your time, energy, and attention.
Chances are, you’ve been giving those things away way too easily.
Check out Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness if you want to go deeper into making the most of your life and gorwing real.
Practical Steps: How to Start Respecting Your Resources
Here’s how you can put this into action today and start changing your life and getting more respect over time (it’s not gonna happen over night – you need to stick to it):
1. Audit Your Time
- For one week, track how you spend every hour and be brutally honest with yourself.
- At the end of the week, ask yourself: “What did I invest my time and where did I waste it?”
- Cut at least one obvious time-wasting activity from your life and replace it with something that moves you forward in a real way (exercise, learning, creating, connecting).
2. Guard Your Energy
- Identify people, habits, or situations that drain you. Write them down and, again, don’t hold back.
- Decide where you need to set boundaries. This could involve saying “no” to someone, quitting a draining habit, or leaving a toxic environment completely.
- Start small – reclaiming even just 10% of your energy will feel like a power boost.
3. Master Your Attention
- Start each day by asking: “What’s the most important thing I want to grow today?”
- Limit distractions by putting your phone in another room when you need to focus on what needs doing.
- Practice attention training by meditation, breathwork, or even just sitting in silence for ten minutes. Your ability to focus is like a muscle.
Giving yourself a regular ‘Wilderness Day’ is a great way to start reclaiming your attention: Wilderness Days: Why Saying “No” to the World Helps You Say “Yes” to Yourself
4. Create a Vision
- Write down what “real growth” looks like for you – physically, financially, spiritually, relationally and in any other category that’s important to you.
- Every day, make sure your time, energy, and attention are moving you closer to this vision (if they’re not, adjust).
5. Say “No” With Confidence
- Remember: every “yes” to something unreal is a “no” to something real.
- The next time you feel pressured to waste your time, energy, or attention, pause and ask yourself: “Is this moving me towards who I want to be?” If not, say no without apology and move on (as the sacred mantra says: “Gimme something real or GTFO“).
The Final Word On Gaining Respect: Stop Wasting Your Time
If you’re sick of being disrespected, here’s the hard truth:
Respect starts and ends with you.
The world will never respect a man who squanders his time, energy, and attention but the moment you reclaim them and treat them as the priceless resources they are, you become the kind of man who commands respect without even asking for it.
In short:
If people don’t respect you, it’s time to stop wasting your time: Disrespecting Time = Disrespecting Yourself = Others Won’t Respect You
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to start respecting yourself and your time, energy, and attention then book a free coaching call with me and I’ll help you to figure out the best way to use them.
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