by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
How To Stop Being Dragged Into BS and Stop Chasing ‘Points’ that Don’t Even Matter in the Ego’s Great Popularity Contest
There are all kinds of strange and unnecessary ‘competitions’ and ‘popularity contests’ that people are constantly trying to drag us into.
You’ve probably felt the need to ‘play’ along yourself at some stage – that subtle (or not so subtle) pull to compare, compete, and to keep score even though you know deep down that it doesn’t even really ‘matter’:
“He’s got more followers than me”.
“She’s dating someone hotter than my partner”.
“They’ve made more money that me this year”.
“Why wasn’t I invited to that thing?”
You didn’t sign up for the game – but suddenly, you’re in it.
Welcome to the Ego’s Great Popularity Contest, where no one wins, and everyone secretly feels like they’re losing.
It’s literally everywhere (because the world is not reality):
Social media feeds, workplaces, gyms, dinner parties, WhatsApp groups – most people aren’t even aware they’re playing, let alone understand why they’re playing.
It’s just ‘normal’ – asking most people to name it would be like asking a fish to tell you about water (they’d just reply “What’s water?” because they’re just in it).
This article will help you to break it down and expose this nonsense for what it really is: a desperate ego game designed to cover up an internal void.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
The Ego’s Popularity Contest: What We Cover in This Article
- How To Stop Being Dragged Into BS and Stop Chasing ‘Points’ that Don’t Even Matter in the Ego’s Great Popularity Contest
- The Ego’s Favourite Hobby: Making Unreal Things Matter
- The Real Cause: The VOID and the Mask That Attempts To Hide From It
- The Modern Idols: What People Use to Fill the Void
- The Way Out: Realness Over Ego
- Practical Steps to Exit the Ego’s Great Popularity Contest and Reclaim Your Sanity
- Final Thoughts: You Were Never in the Game Anyway
The Ego’s Favourite Hobby: Making Unreal Things Matter
The ego loves to measure things out so that it can convince the REAL version of who we are that we ‘need’ it to feel safe:
Likes, followers, salaries, abs, partners, accolades, etc. etc. etc. – it thrives on imaginary points and invisible metrics based on nothing real but treated as gospel truth so that it can feel important and like it’s somehow ‘winning’.
What makes it even more dangerous is this:
Most of these competitions are not just unreal, they’re also unspoken.
Nobody says, “Hey, shall we silently compete over who’s more relevant in this group chat?”, for example, yet….that’s exactly what ends up happening.
These are the kinds of games the ego pulls us into:
They have no objective reality. There’s no referee. No finish line. No prize. But the emotional toll is real and often quite heavy as we get weighed down and waste energy under the unnecessary tension of the unreal.
The unfortunate truth is that the more you compare yourself to others in these imaginary contests, the more detached you become from yourself in your realness.
And, in many ways, that’s the whole point of the Ego’s Great Popularity Contest in the first place because the ego only steps in when you’ve stepped out of your truth and found yourself living an unreal life in the Void.
The Real Cause: The VOID and the Mask That Attempts To Hide From It
So why do people get dragged into these games in the first place?
Because they’ve lost connection to what’s actually real.
When we disconnect from truth – our innate sense of wholeness, meaning, and value – we open up what I call the VOID.
This isn’t a cute Instagram quote about “feeling a bit lost” – it’s a serious spiritual, emotional, and psychological rift that endlessly aches and gnaws away at you, constantly whispering that “You’re not enough” and causing asking you to do things that don’t even make that much sense (because they’re unreal) just to get some temporary respite from the pain.
In response to this feeling of the Void, most people don’t seek truth (which would solve the problem because the void is simply a disconnection from the truth).
Instead, they seek a substitute that’s defined by the the mask they have to wear to survive (or tolerate) the void: the ego – a costume stitched together with curated identities, roles, comparisons, and metrics of fake value.
Instead of healing the void by turning inward and integrating the shadow (the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ parts of ourselves that we reject, fear, or deny), we distract ourselves by creating idols – ‘good’ things we treat as being ultimate that can never truly satisfy in the way that we hope they can (because that hope is determined in this case by the Void and only the truth can satisfy and make it go away).
The Modern Idols: What People Use to Fill the Void
Let’s look at some of the most common ego competitions and popularity contests people unconsciously get sucked into:
1. Popularity and Attention
Who’s getting more likes? Who gets more replies? Who’s being talked about?
People keep imaginary scoreboards of social relevance and emotional response and the ego becomes addicted to dopamine hits and terrified of being ignored.
2. Money and Work
We compare salaries, client lists, titles, productivity and mistake net worth for self-worth and glorify busyness like it’s a badge of honour.
Behind the grind often lies a terrified void screaming, “I must prove I’m enough” and so people eventually burn out or go mad because they’re running a race without a finish line.
3. Relationships
Who’s got the hottest partner? Who’s ‘winning’ after the breakup? Who’s married first?
The ego turns intimacy into status and even ‘love’ becomes a trophy that must be held onto if we’re to ever feel a sense of ‘worth’ (which will always be short-lived because putting pressure on actual human beings to do for you what only the truth can do is always doomed to failure…which is why so many relationships never work out).
4. Skills and Talents
“I’m better than him at this“, “She can’t compete with me” -people secretly fear they’re not gifted or special enough, so they play silent games to try and outrun the shame and thriving off others be in an inferior position to them (which, of course, doesn’t actually even matter in reality).
5. Spirituality and Personal Growth
Even healing can become an ego game:
“Look how healed I am“.
“I meditate longer than you”.
“I understand this esoteric concept and you don’t”.
The ego will literally wear anything – even ‘enlightenment’ – as a costume if it means avoiding the void and getting a short burst of superiority whilst you’re doing it.
To make matters worse, in every one of these contests, if someone appears to be ‘winning’, the ego feels threatened and starts scheming:
Resentment builds. Criticism brews.
Or worse, we start self-destructing just to feel like we’re back in control.
Why?
Because our identity is propped up by unreal scaffolding and somewhere deep down, we knows it could collapse at any time because what goes up must come down.
The truth always wins in the end.
The Way Out: Realness Over Ego
Here’s the liberating truth:
These things – popularity, money, relationships, skills, or whatever else – are not ‘bad’ things.
They’re good. They’re gifts. But they’re not the ultimate.
They can serve you only when they’re rooted in truth; when they’re ego-driven, they become prisons.
When we stop treating them as ways to escape the void and instead use them with real perspective, they can actually enhance our experience without attempting to define it.
This means that to step out of the ego’s imaginary games, you have to return to REALNESS.
For example:
- Dropping the mask.
- Facing the shadow self.
- Integrating what’s been rejected.
- Reconnecting to what’s real.
- Taking real action without judging yourself.
Only then does the void close and only then do the games lose their power over you.
Practical Steps to Exit the Ego’s Great Popularity Contest and Reclaim Your Sanity
What you need to take away from this article is just one simple fact:
You don’t have to play.
Just because someone tries to drag you into one of these popularity contests or unspoken competitions doesn’t mean you have to take the bait.
You can literally walk away any time you like:
1. Name the Game
The ego operates best in the shadows so the first step is calling out the game internally by asking yourself:
- “What game is being played here?”
- “What points are being kept?”
- “Whose approval or attention is being sought?”
Once you see it and raise awareness of what’s going on, you’ll start to laugh at how ridiculous it is and will be able to resist getting dragged in.
2. Feel the Void Instead of Filling It
This is counterintuitive but powerful:
Instead of distracting yourself when you feel not-enough, sit with the feeling and let it burn through you.
Let it speak and show you something real instead.
This is where the healing begins.
You don’t need to outrun shame. You need to integrate it by facing it and letting it dissolve.
3. Reclaim Your Own Metrics
Instead of living by other people’s invisible scorecards, live in competition with your ‘old’ self and the even more real self that you’re growing into.
Ask yourself:
- “What matters to me, truly?”
- “Am I acting from ego or from realness?”
- “Is this real or just a performance?”
Define success on your own terms – not the ego’s or the egos of other people.
4. Watch for the Bait
People love to test you because of their own unreality and the things that are holding them back from their own realness:
Someone will make a passive-aggressive comment.
Someone will boast.
Someone will fish for envy.
Smile, recognise the game, opt out and refuse to take the bait.
As you build your muscle of realness, these tests become laughable because you see how unreal it all is.
5. Surround Yourself with the Real Ones
When you’re surrounded by people obsessed with points, it’s harder to drop the game so aim to find people who are rooted, who aren’t afraid of the truth, and who reflect your wholeness over your ego.
REALNESS is contagious and so is insecurity.
Choose something real.
Final Thoughts: You Were Never in the Game Anyway
Here’s the truth no one tells you:
You were never really in the competition because there never was one.
The ego just convinced you that you needed to prove something to be enough but you already are enough because what’s real is always real.
Right now. Without the points. Without the performance.
So next time someone tries to rope you into another invisible scoreboard…smile, see the mask, and walk away.
You’re not here to compete – you’re here to be real.
Stay real out there,
P.S If you’re ready to work on growing real and transforming your life then book a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you start taking real action.
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