by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Why Shadow Work Matters & How Shadow Work Affirmations Can Help You Grow REAL
If you’ve ever wondered why life can feel like an endless tug-of-war between who you know you can become and what you actually are then you’ve already brushed up against the shadow self.
You’ll know if this is the case because you’ll be experiencing all of the symptoms that come from being fragmented and split within yourself (which is why the shadow self goes into hiding in the first place: we disown very important and REAL parts of ourselves):
Most of these symptoms come from living in the Void and will be experienced as things like constant tension, the frustration of repeating patterns, the misery of feeling ‘blocked’ in life, and the endless struggle and confusion of being faced with the same lessons over and over again but never quite learning enough to move forwards.
Shadow work is the art of reclaiming those ‘parts’:
It’s not about wallowing in darkness or trying to ‘fix’ what’s broken – instead, it’s about recognising and ACCEPTING that wholeness already exists within you but that parts of it have been pushed underground through shame, conditioning, and fear.
Living in this fragmented way always leads to unnecessary friction because keep bumping into yourself as you self-sabotage, resist love, mistrust joy, and avoid purpose.
Integration of the shadow, on the other hand, feels like flow because when the shadow is welcomed home, the inner conflicts dissolve and so you stop leaking energy into endless battles with yourself – you live more honestly, more fully, and more joyfully.
That’s why shadow work matters and it’s why, if you stick with this article, you’ll walk away with practical steps and a surprisingly uplifting tool – Shadow Work Affirmations – that help you speed up the process of integration.
Yeah, I can’t believe I’m talking about “affirmations” either but we’re not on about the fluffy, spiritual bullsh*ttery “say you’re a millionaire in the mirror and watch it appear” kind.
Shadow Work Affirmations are different because they’re rooted in truth and about accepting reclaiming the darkness, not bypassing it.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Shadow Work Affirmations: What We’ll Cover in this Article
- Why Shadow Work Matters & How Shadow Work Affirmations Can Help You Grow REAL
- The Great Shadow Dance
- Awareness: Meeting What Emerges
- The Natural Drive Towards Wholeness
- Shadow Work Affirmations: A New Kind of Statement
- Examples of Shadow Material and Matching Affirmations
- How to Practise Shadow Work Affirmations
- Why Shadow Work Affirmations Change Everything
- Shadow Work Affirmations: Closing Thoughts
- Bonus: Shadow Work Affirmations for Realness
- Anger
- Shame
- Fear
- Sadness & Grief
- Joy (hidden behind guilt or repression)
- Love & Connection
- Creativity & Expression
- Power & Strength
- Desire & Pleasure
- Wholeness & Integration
The Great Shadow Dance
Carl Jung famously said that “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate” – this is a quote captures what I like to call the Great Shadow Dance.
Here’s how it goes:
Your ego – which is the part of you which organises your personality and filters reality – wants to keep you safe but it often does so by fragmenting you and trying to ‘hide’ certain very real parts of who you are in truth. To do this, it creates a false front, carefully managed to fit in, to gain approval, and to avoid rejection.
Meanwhile, your shadow – which is everything real, whole, and vibrant but that you’ve disowned – waits patiently in hiding until it can somehow find a time to force itself between the fragmented cracks in your ego and return you to a state of wholeness.
The whole Shadow Dance is powered by shame (“If I reveal that part of me, I’ll be rejected”), by social programming (“Boys don’t cry” or “Good girls don’t get angry” etc,), and by self-hypnosis (the endless narratives we spin about who we are).
The ego clings to control but the shadow longs for expression and the inexorable tension between the two is what drives so many of our struggles.
Most people never learn to join the dance consciously – instead, they keep tripping over their own feet and mistaking the shadow’s call for enemies outside themselves.
In this state, they fight with partners, bosses, or strangers on the internet all the while missing the obvious truth:
That they’re at war with themselves.
Awareness: Meeting What Emerges
The first stage of shadow work is or any transformational journey is awareness (which is why my coaching containers with clients are always built around the same cycle of Awareness (Deconstruct Ego, Acceptance (Integrate Shadow), and Action (Trust Yourself and Life).
Awareness is always the first step when it comes to shadow work because before you can reclaim what you’ve hidden, you need to see it.
Luckily, the psyche has a few inbuilt mechanisms that constantly point the way back home if you’re willing to pay attention:
Reverse Engineering Projections
Think of the people who trigger you:
For example, the colleague who seems arrogant, the influencer you can’t stand, or the friend whose confidence grates on you.
These projections aren’t random – they’re reflections that show you something you’ve disowned in yourself:
Sometimes, it’s a ‘negative’ trait like selfishness or laziness’ sometimes, it’s a ‘positive’ one like boldness or creativity.
Either way, the projection is a mirror of whatever you’ve currently disowned and have hiding in the Shadow Territory.
Following Creative Urges
One thing that’s often not talked about when it comes to shadow work is how your shadow leaks out through your creative impulses.
For example, the daydream you dismiss as silly, the story idea you never share (because your ego has judged it), or the hobby you secretly long to try all give you clues to whatever is hiding down there in the Shadow Territory and waiting to emerge.
The bottom line is that creativity flows from the unconscious, which means it flows from the shadow and so what you’re drawn to often hints at what’s waiting to emerge.
If you can uncover these urges and act on them, then you’ll start to free yourself from yourself and grow more real.
Trigger Work
Triggers are those moments when emotions flare hotter than the situation warrants and they’re goldmines for unpacking the shadow self and raising awareness.
If you can pause long enough to ask, “What part of me feels threatened here?” you’ll often find a hidden belief or rejected part rising up.
This article goes deep into reverse engineering your triggers and seeing what’s actually going on: Trigger Work: A Step-by-Step Guide to Using Emotional Pain for Growth
Journalling as a Spotlight
Finally, a simple but effective practice for raising awareness of your shadow is to start journaling whenever you notice a projection, urge, or trigger.
When you let the page hold what your conscious mind isn’t ready to yet, you’ll notice themes and eventually start to see your shadow speaking to you.
The Natural Drive Towards Wholeness
Here’s the key insight that can change the game for you:
Integration isn’t something you have to manufacture or force because it’s already happening all of the time (as long as we don’t block it).
The psyche naturally wants wholeness (as, indeed, does everything else in life) and so every projection, urge, and trigger is evidence of this drive.
The only reason this drive doesn’t reach completion is because the ego blocks it through fear, denial, or judgement but when you stop interfering, the hidden qualities begin to emerge on their own.
This is why shadow work affirmations are so powerful:
They don’t ‘make’ anything happen; they simply remove resistance, affirming what’s real so it can surface more freely.
Shadow Work Affirmations: A New Kind of Statement
Traditional affirmations often feel hollow because they try to plaster over the cracks:
“I am wealthy” repeated by someone who feels broke only deepens the gap between what’s said and what’s believed and reinforces to the unconscious mind that they’re broke in the first place (and so they stay broke).
The ego loves these kind of affirmations because they don’t change anything and can actually strengthen the ego’s hold over the person doing the affirming.
Shadow work affirmations are different because they serve as permission slips for reality to slip through the gaps.
Instead of denying the darkness; they embrace it:
They say: I can hold the paradox. I can be angry and loving, fragile and strong, ashamed and worthy all at the same time.
Used wisely, they accelerate integration and serve as an open hand extended to the parts of you hiding in the dark.
Examples of Shadow Material and Matching Affirmations
Let’s explore some common things that may emerge from the Shadow Territory and the affirmations that can help them rise into consciousness:
1. Anger
Many of us were taught that anger is dangerous or ‘wrong’ and so we shoved it down, only to have it leak out as passive aggression or self-sabotage.
Actually, anger is a very real and useful emotion that helps us to preserve our boundaries and to protect the things that we care about.
Shadow Work Affirmation: I allow my anger to show me where my boundaries are.
2. Vulnerability
Strength was praised and fragility was shamed but – whether we like it or not – our weakness is part of our humanity that makes us more human (if we embrace it).
Shadow Work Affirmation: My vulnerability is not weakness – it is truth speaking through me.
3. Joy
Believe it or not, joy often hides in the shadow because we’ve sometimes been conditioned to feel that it’s unsafe to shine too brightly.
(Normally because we were raised by people who feared their own joy).
Affirmation: I permit myself to feel and express joy without guilt or fear.
4. Desire
Sexuality, ambition, hunger for more – all of these and many other desires get twisted by shame.
Shadow Work Affirmation: My desires are part of my wholeness; I honour them with awareness.
5. Creativity
Fear of judgement silences many budding creators and stops them from expressing whatever real ‘stuff’ is trying to break through from the unconscious and become conscious (via the creative process).
Shadow Work Affirmation: I trust my creative impulses as messages from my deeper self.
6. Love
Love itself can be shadowed, especially if past wounds made it feel dangerous.
Shadow Work Affirmation: I let love move through me without needing to control it.
How to Practise Shadow Work Affirmations
- Identify What’s Emerging
Start with journaling and learn to capture your projections, triggers, and urges.
Pick one that feels alive right now and commit to facing it fully. - Craft Your Affirmation
Turn it into a statement that acknowledges the shadow’s gift.
Keep it rooted in reality: not “I am perfect”, for example, but “I am whole, even with my imperfections”. - Speak It with Presence
Say it aloud, slowly, breathing into the words as you feel the part of you it addresses.
Don’t force belief; just allow yourself to become attuned with whatever you’re affirming to the greatest extent possible for yourself. - Pair It with Action
Affirmations alone won’t integrate the shadow – you have to ACT differently too.
If your affirmation is about creativity, create something; if it’s about anger, set a boundary.
Words always open the door but actions invite the shadow in to your life. - Repeat and Refine
As more emerges, keep evolving your affirmations.
Shadow work is not a one-off thing but a lifelong dance with reality.
Check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace if you’re ready to go deeper into facing your shadow and getting into the flow.
Why Shadow Work Affirmations Change Everything
The beauty of shadow work affirmations is that they bridge acceptance and action:
Awareness shows you what’s in the dark, affirmations help you accept it, and then – when you live them out through action – you transform your life.
(Awareness, Acceptance, and Action work every time).
Over time, the Great Shadow Dance becomes less of a battle and more of a natural rhythm because and shadow stop stepping on each other’s toes.
Instead, they move together and so life flows with less friction, less self-sabotage, and less misery.
In this flow, you become integrated and can life as a real human being who isn’t wasting energy on pretending, resisting, or hiding.
Shadow Work Affirmations: Closing Thoughts
The shadow isn’t something to fear but is actually your ally and the gatekeeper of your unlived, real life (a.k.a. your shadow life).
By bringing awareness to what’s hiding, by affirming its reality, and by acting in alignment with it, you dissolve the split within yourself and grow real.
If you take one thing from this article, let it be this: your wholeness is already waiting for you to return to it:
Shadow work affirmations don’t add anything new; they simply welcome home what’s been waiting in the dark and in that wholeness, life feels lighter, freer, and infinitely more real.
Bonus: Shadow Work Affirmations for Realness
Anger
- My anger is a signal that something in me matters.
- I allow myself to feel anger without shame.
- My anger holds energy that I can channel into constructive action.
- I listen to the message behind my anger with compassion.
- Anger does not make me dangerous; it makes me real.
Shame
- I am worthy of love and belonging exactly as I am.
- My imperfections make me human, not broken.
- I release the belief that I must hide to be safe.
- Shame dissolves when I face it with honesty.
- My truth is stronger than my shame.
Fear
- Fear is a teacher, not an enemy.
- I allow fear to guide me towards what matters most.
- I can feel fear and still choose courage.
- Fear does not define me; it refines me.
- I welcome fear as part of my wholeness.
Sadness & Grief
- My sadness is sacred; it shows I have loved deeply.
- Grief is love with nowhere to go—I honour it.
- I give myself permission to weep, rest, and renew.
- In my sorrow, I find my humanity.
- My tears are not weakness; they are release.
Joy (hidden behind guilt or repression)
- I allow myself to feel joy without apology.
- Joy is my birthright, not a privilege.
- I embrace joy even when the world tells me not to.
- My laughter heals me and those around me.
- Joy is a light I no longer dim.
Love & Connection
- I am capable of giving and receiving love fully.
- My heart is strong enough to stay open.
- I release the fear that love will abandon me.
- Love flows through me when I stop resisting.
- I no longer hide the tenderness of my heart.
Creativity & Expression
- My creativity is valuable and deserves expression.
- I trust my creative impulses—they are gifts.
- I no longer censor myself out of fear of judgement.
- My imagination is a doorway to wholeness.
- I create freely because creativity is life itself.
Power & Strength
- My power is not dangerous when I use it with integrity.
- I no longer shrink to make others comfortable.
- My strength benefits both me and the world.
- I claim my authority over my own life.
- Power expressed with love is healing.
Desire & Pleasure
- My desires are valid and deserve honour.
- Pleasure connects me to life’s richness.
- I can enjoy without guilt and savour without shame.
- My body’s wisdom is trustworthy and good.
- Desire is not weakness; it is aliveness.
Wholeness & Integration
- Every part of me has a place in the whole.
- I embrace the dark and the light with equal reverence.
- Nothing in me is unworthy of love or attention.
- Integration brings me peace, energy, and authenticity.
- I trust that what emerges from the shadow is here to heal me.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to grow real and you’re interested in coaching then book a free call with me and I’ll help you to start taking real action.
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