love

A Lot of Miserable People Are Just Looking for Love Instead of Giving It.

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Everybody wants to be ‘seen’.

That’s just the way human beings are – they need to feel that they ‘belong’ and that the world understands them at some REAL level so that all of the pain and the BS of being born is WORTH IT.

What a lot of people don’t get, though, is that the easiest way to be ‘seen’ is to SHOW OTHERS that you SEE them…

When you can do that it shows that you can peek from behind all of the UNREAL ‘stuff’ or masks that most people are hiding behind and that you can take a place in the world that’s ROOTED in something REAL.

When people become lost and feel like they haven’t been ‘seen’ for a long time then they can start to lose their minds:

-They become bitter and malevolent, frustrated that the world is neglecting them.

-They start screaming out and acting out for ATTENTION because they think it’s the same as the love they feel is lacking.

-They put their walls up and turn their ego into a fortress to protect them from anything that goes against how they want to ‘see’ themselves.

-They start unnecessary DRAMA for the sake of pulling people into a vortex that might give them at least a glimpse of something real (buut rarely ever does because drama is always unreal).

The TRUTH is that any attempts to demand that the world ‘see’ you without opening your eyes and attempting to see it first are FUTILE.

“We don’t see the world as it is but as we ARE”

If you’re looking to be ‘seen’ without first seeing yourself then you’ll always be BLIND and the world will be filled with darkness.

To be REAL, you have to COMMIT to the TRUTH that what is WHOLE in one of us is whole in ALL of us because everything is connected and we share more similarities than differences.

If you want the world to ‘see’ you then you need to DEVOTE yourself to seeing what’s REAL about it – even when things get hard or when the world of ideas and fragmentation starts to SHAKE you from yourself.

Love and ACCEPTANCE are the same thing… Just because you don’t ‘see’ it or feel ‘seen’ doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The truth is the truth and is ALWAYS true.

Sometimes, you’ve just blocked yourself from seeing it but all you need to do is to open your eyes and GIVE it.

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Your Relationship isn’t a Substitute for the Parents You Never Had.

Your partner – or future partner – isn’t a substitute for your mummy and daddy.

It’s natural for our experience of ‘love’ to have been formulated in childhood by whatever our parents decided to pass down to us but ma and pa(ternal) love isn’t the same as romantic love.

Your partner is there to accept you at wherever you’re at and to grow REAL with you as they also grow into themselves and through whatever ‘stuff’ they have.

They don’t exist to be a substitute for mummy and daddy and to fix all of our childhood wounds or to fill whatever void you might have picked up (though they can definitely support you as you work to heal yourself in the container of the relationship as a whole).

As a human being, there are two general kinds of parents you can grow up under the ‘guidance’ of:

-Good Ones: Who will do their bests to love you UNCONDITIONALLY without letting their own ‘stuff’ get in the way of your growth.

-Bad Ones: Who will love you CONDITIONALLY because their own ‘stuff’ gets in the way and they want to mould you according to expectations formed because of their own unresolved and trapped emotions.

Of course, it’s not that black and white but it always ends up falling on some point along that basic continuum.

In both cases, healthy ADULT relationships don’t and CAN’T follow the patterns that you picked up in childhood:

In the case of unconditional love:

-Your partner can of course love you unconditionally but it won’t be the same as the love you got from your mother…

They probably won’t idolise you all the time, they might not wanna do your laundry and cook for you, or think that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread 24/7 (the closest you can get to that – bar the laundry and cooking – is to get a DOG).

In the case of the conditional stuff:

-Most adult relationships have some conditions: you normally have to have at least some of your shit together, you probably shouldn’t cheat, if you’re an ASSHOLE you can get dumped etc.

As an adult though you don’t have to accept conditions you don’t like, though. You have the power to WALK AWAY.

In short, adult love is about stepping away from ROLES and being both FREE and SECURE at the same time.

 


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Love is a Destructive Force as Much as it is a Creative One

If you don’t believe in ‘true’ love, then I feel (a bit) sorry for you.

Yeah, I can be a bit cyncial and dark about the world sometimes but in the HEART of every cynic is somebody who’s tasted the TRUTH about life and either lost it or seen that the world is against it.

We can all taste the FRUIT of truth in various ways in our lives – finding the edge, dancing with loss, getting close to death, or just having conversations that bring moments of insight that make us go ‘aha’ and blow our minds a little more.

For most of us, though, the realest thing we’ll experience in our lifetimes is LOVE – when you find that somebody who actually opens doors…not just to life itself but to you and your own REALNESS.

They don’t even need to try that hard…it just kinda happens in the animal MAGNETISM and state of PRESENCE that exists between you.

When you’re in love the world seems like a totally different and BETTER place… The cynics like me might say that it’s only because you’re INFATUATED and so you’re not seeing yourself, the world, or reality clearly – you’re just filtering everything through the distortions of all that OXYTOCIN (the ‘love’ hormone).

You’re not, though, you’re seeing things as they really are and life as it truly is because love UNBLOCKS you and distances you from your own BULLSHIT.

People also say that “love hurts” but that’s BULLSHIT too – love can NEVER hurt because love is just a connection to the TRUTH and the truth is always the source of all comfort and JOY in our lives.

The thing that ‘hurts’ is the journey back to the truth as we go through the process of LOSING OUR ILLUSIONS and trying to cling to them.

This is why love is both creative and destructive:

It’s creative because it connects you to TRUTH which is the source of all creation.

It’s destructive because your journey back to the truth is limited by your attachement to and DEFENSE of your illusions.

The more you cling, the worse it gets – this is why people become cynical and anti-love: because they went in with their EGO and not what’s real about them (which can only lead to DRAMA).

May you kill you inner cynics and grow REAL.

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