by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The realest way to live is RIGHT NOW.
The past is gone, the present is here, and the future is uncertain. Out of these three, which do you find easiest to work with?
It might seem like a trick question – after all, the past is fixed, the future is unknowable, and the present is fleeting. Yet, the only thing you truly have to work with is this moment, right now.
Regardless of whether you’re on board with the hype about mindfulness, meditation, or the cult of “The Power of Now,” one truth stands unshaken: No present, no consciousness.
If you’re alive and reading these words, your awareness is tethered to the present moment, whether you realise it or not. Looking at the present moment simply means looking at what’s really there. No stories. No projections. Just the raw, unvarnished now.
But let’s not get carried away. Focusing on the present doesn’t mean abandoning the past or ignoring the future. Both have their roles in helping you become a functional, fulfilled and REAL human being. The key is to avoid letting either one dominate your attention.
As the ancient Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu put it:
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
So, how do you move away from the mental tug-of-war between what was and what might be? How do you actually learn to live in the now, instead of just paying lip service to the idea?
The Seduction of the Past
The past can be a dangerous place. It’s like an old photo album – one you can’t stop flipping through, even though some of the pictures make you cringe or weep. Maybe you spend too much time mourning lost opportunities, replaying old arguments, or idolising “better days”.
The problem with the past is that it’s incredibly sticky. It loves to pull you in, trap you in its amber, and convince you that nothing can ever be as good (or bad) as what’s already happened.
If you want to free yourself and start growing REAL then here’s something to remember: the past is a great teacher, not a great master. You’re supposed to learn from it, not live in it (or, more accurately, keep reliving it – whether you want to or not).
Think about it this way: every time you revisit the past, you’re telling your brain to relive those emotions as if they’re happening right now. Your body doesn’t know the difference. It still triggers the same stress responses, the same patterns of regret or longing, and the same shame, guilt, and/or trauma. Meanwhile, the actual present moment is slipping through your fingers, unnoticed and unappreciated.
Ask yourself: What lesson am I really getting from this? If you’re simply indulging in self-pity or clinging to nostalgia, then it’s probably time to cut the cord and start living your real life.
The Anxiety of the Future
If the past is a trap, the future is a maze. Anxiety about what’s coming next can hijack your mind faster than you can say, “What if?”
“What if I fail?”
“What if this doesn’t work out?”
“What if the worst happens?”
All of these WHAT IFs (and any others) are the whispers of a hyperactive imagination, painting hypothetical nightmares on the canvas of your mind. The reality is, no one knows what the future holds – not even the most meticulous planner or the most gifted clairvoyant. Worrying about the future is like obsessively preparing for a storm that may never come.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t make plans or set goals. You should. But there’s a fine line between preparation and preoccupation. Planning gives you direction. Obsessing gives you ulcers.
Instead of asking “What if?” try asking “What now?”
Focusing on what you can do in this moment is far more productive than agonising over things you can’t control.
REALNESS is PEACE is PRESENCE
Here’s the truth about the present moment: it’s fragile, fleeting, and often unremarkable. But it’s also the only place where REAL life actually happens.
Take a moment – right now – and look around you. What do you see?
Maybe you’re sitting by a window, watching the trees sway in the wind. Maybe you’re in a coffee shop, surrounded by the gentle hum of conversation and the clink of spoons against ceramic cups. Or perhaps you’re thousands of feet in the air, gazing down at a blanket of clouds (in a plane, of course).
Wherever you are, the present moment is offering you something precious: a chance to just be. To breathe. To reconnect with the raw simplicity of existence. To RECEIVE your actual life, instead of all your ideas and worries about it.
Peace is found in the present because it’s the only place where you can experience life as it is from the foundation of your REALNESS, without the distortions of memory or imagination. It’s where you can tune into the world around you and your place within it, and where you can tap into something greater than yourself – the whole, unbroken wholeness of life.
Why the Ego Hates the Present
Your ego hates the present moment. It thrives on fear, pride, and desire – none of which exist in the now.
Fear? That’s tied to the past and future.
Pride? That’s a story you tell yourself about what you’ve done or what you’ll become.
Desire? That’s a longing for something just out of reach.
The present moment, by contrast, is quiet. It doesn’t stroke your ego or validate your narratives. It simply is. And that’s why the ego fights so hard to keep you out of it (because the ego is the opposite of reality and wantst to keep you from truth).
But the more you tune into the present, the less power your ego has over you. When you centre yourself and allow yourself to be ROOTED in the ‘now’, you realise that most of your worries and frustrations are illusions – tricks of the mind designed to keep you distracted and dissatisfied.
Practical Ways to Stay Present
- Ask Yourself: Am I OK Right Now?
When your mind starts spiralling into worry or regret, pause and ask yourself: “Am I all right at this very moment?” If you’re still here and still breathing, the answer is usually yes. When we’re disconnected from ourselves because of underlying shame (that always leads to the creation of ego) we can’t forget that we’re SAFE to just be. - Use Your Senses
Anchor yourself in the present by focusing on what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. Notice the details around you – the colours, the textures, the sounds. GROUNDING TECHNIQUES like this regulate your nervous system and bring you back to presence. - Breathe
Your breath is always with you, and it’s one of the simplest tools for grounding yourself. Take a few slow, deep breaths and notice how it feels to fill your lungs and let the air flow out. A technique I always recommend to clients (and anybody else who’ll listen) is 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, retain for 7, and exhale for 8 (and repeat as many times as you like). - Take a “Snapshot” of the Moment
Pretend you’re a photographer capturing the essence of this exact moment. What stands out? What makes it unique? This will help you to find the moments of beauty that surround us at all times when we’re not caught up in our heads and the misperceptions that the endless thoughts and patterns we’ve identified with can get us ensnared upon. - Let Go of Perfection
You don’t have to ‘do’ the present perfectly. It’s not about achieving some Zen-like state of enlightenment. It’s about showing up, moment by moment, as best as you can and enjoying the PROCESS of living more than the expected outcomes of living (in other words, we become outcome-independent and find freedom).
The Gift of the Now
The present moment is a gift – not because it’s always pleasant or easy, but because it’s real and, ultimately, that’s all any of us are looking for: a taste of REALNESS.
When you learn to live in the present, you free yourself from the chains of the past and the anxiety of the future. You give yourself permission to experience life as it is, not as you wish it were or fear it might be.
So take a deep breath. Look around. And ask yourself: What’s here for me, right now?
Because this moment – this fragile, fleeting, unrepeatable moment – is all you ever truly have but it will always be everything you need.
Stay real out there,
*Based on ‘Revolution’ number five in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
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