by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
“According to Who?” is a Simple Question that Circuit Breaks the Matrix
We live in a world where people love to tell us how to live our lives both practically and morally:
Friends, family, colleagues, even complete strangers on the internet all seem to have an opinion on what’s ‘right’, ‘wrong’, ‘moral’, ‘normal’, ‘sensible’, ‘possible’, or absolutely anything else that you can think of.
Most of the time, they deliver these opinions with such conviction you’d think they were announcing universal truths carved in stone but – in most cases – this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The problem we’re dealing with is pretty simple:
Nine times out of ten, what is actually been thrown at us isn’t truth at all – it’s just conditioning, fear, and shadow ‘stuff’ wrapped up as advice or morality.
And that’s why one little question has the power to change your life:
“According to who?”
Let’s dig a little deeper:
According to Who?: What We'll Cover in this Article
- "According to Who?" is a Simple Question that Circuit Breaks the Matrix
- Why "According to Who?" is So Powerful
- "According to Who?": Everyday Examples
- The Ego, the Shadow, and the Unreal
- The Difference Between Real and Unreal
- Turning "According to Who?" Inward
- How to Practise "According to Who?"
- A Quick Practice You Can Try Today
- Living in Realness
- "According to Who?": The Final Word
Why “According to Who?” is So Powerful
At first glance, it looks almost cheeky – like something a teenager might throw back at their parents in a moment of impudence or something – but beneath its simplicity lies something profound:
“According to who?” is a tool that instantly separates the real from the unreal.
When you ask “According to who?”, you instantly start to strip away the illusion of authority that most people unconsciously put behind their words and so, suddenly, what is sold as some kind of universal law is revealed for what it really is: a perspective, often rooted in ego, fear, or projection.
Here’s why it works so well:
- It shatters false authority: People talk as though their worldview is the worldview but “According to who?” question punctures the balloon.
- It breaks conditioning: Most of us run on inherited scripts that we picked up back in childhood and then hypnotised with thereafter. Asking “According to who?” exposes the script and gives you a choice: keep it because it’s real or bin it because it’s unreal (following the sacred mantra of “Gimme something real or GTFO“).
- It reveals projection: Often, when people tell you something can’t be done, for example, what they’re really saying is they couldn’t do it. This is an example of how people project their own beliefs about themselves (because of their own shadow conflicts and emotional ‘stuff’) onto you.
- It recentres you in realness: “According to who?” forces you to pause and decide: is this rooted in truth or in your own or someone else’s ego?
- It creates freedom: Once you see the source, you’re no longer bound by guilt, fear, or obligation and so you can walk away feeling lighter and more real as you stick to your own truth path (instead of having it be distorted by the world.
In other words, “According to who?” is a simple scalpel that cuts through all of the complex illusions of the world.
“According to Who?”: Everyday Examples
Let’s bring it down to earth with some examples of real-world situations where “According to who?” works wonders:
Career and Success
- “You’ll never make money doing that.”
According to who? Usually, someone who’s scared of risk or stuck in a job they hate and so they’re projecting their own limitations onto you and your aspirations. - “A stable 9–5 is the only sensible choice.”
According to who? According to a society that values safety over fulfilment and that wants you to be controlled as a cog in the machine.
Relationships
- “You need to settle down by 30.”
According to who? According to a cultural script, not reality. You can literally “settle down” any time you like (though some periods in life may make it easier than others – not morally more correct, though). - “Real men don’t cry.”
According to who? According to outdated ego patterns masculinity and people who are suppressing their own emotional ‘stuff’ (because they fear what’s hidden in the shadow territory and have an attachment to a rigid ego).
Self-Worth
- “You’re too old to start again.”
According to who? According to someone who gave up on their own dreams and became stuck in a complacent little bubble that they’re projecting onto you so they can feel like they made the right choices in life. - “You’re not good enough.”
According to who? According to a voice of shame, not the truth of your potential and your actual realness (because when you’re real, you can’t judge yourself…only accept yourself).
Morality and Spirituality
- “That’s wrong. You shouldn’t think like that.”
According to who? According to the belief system they’ve created as an extension of their own ego and the need to stop growing more real – not universal truth. - “If you don’t follow these esoteric rules, you’re a bad person.”
According to who? According to dogma, not anything real (usually so they can feel morally superior – not because they care about you or the truth).
Everyday Social Pressure
- “Everyone does it this way.”
According to who? According to the herd and people’s need to conform and feel safe instead of doing what they actually know is right and real for them. - “You can’t wear that.”
According to who? According to their taste (based on their own culture and insecurities etc.), not your authenticity.
Once you start noticing, it’s absolutely everywhere but asking “According to who?” isn’t about being argumentative – it’s just about reclaiming your freedom.
The Ego, the Shadow, and the Unreal
To really see why this works, we need to zoom in on what’s happening beneath the surface:
Most “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” are just projections of the ego – the part of us that resists reality because it doesn’t want to face the uncomfortable truth of the shadow self.
The shadow is everything we repress: fear, shame, vulnerability, weakness, strength, desire and anything that’s been deemed as being ‘unacceptable’ somewhere down the line. Most people don’t want to confront it and so instead they project their resistance onto the world as a form of control freakery.
That’s why you’ll often hear someone say:
- “You can’t do that” (because they couldn’t).
- “That’s irresponsible” (because it challenges their comfort zone).
- “That’s immoral” (because it stirs their own unresolved shadow).
- Etc. Etc. Etc.
When you ask “According to who?”, you shine a light on this mechanism and expose the ego’s game for what it is: unreal.
You remind yourself that their projection doesn’t have to become your prison and can move forward and take real action instead of getting blocked or stuck.
The Difference Between Real and Unreal
So what counts as ‘real’, anyway?
Realness, as I use the word, is about living in alignment with truth:
This kind of truth isn’t subjective opinion or cultural norm but refers to what IS – it’s universal, unchanging, and free from ego distortion.
The unreal is everything else:
- The scripts handed down by culture.
- The fears projected by other people.
- The illusions created by ego.
“According to who?” is the doorway back into realness.
Turning “According to Who?” Inward
The beauty of this question is that it doesn’t just apply to other people – it also applies to you and the way that you relate to yourself and condemn or criticise yourself internally.
How many times do we run our own lives according to inner voices that aren’t actually ours?
- “I can’t do that – it’s too late” – According to who? Oh, it’s just your fears about yourself and life.
- “People like me don’t succeed” – According to who? Oh, it’s just your shame causing you to not trust yourself.
- “I’m not worthy of love unless I prove myself” – According to who? Oh, it’s just your ego and your belief in performance over realness.
Limiting and negative beliefs like this aren’t anything to do with the actual truth – they’re just echoes of shame, conditioning, or past wounds that create a little Gremlin in your mind that you confuse for the real ‘You’.
When you turn the question inward, you start dismantling those inner chains and begin to free yourself from false ideas about yourself (A.K.A the ego).
Check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace if you want to dismantle your inner and outer chains and start flowing with life in a real way.
How to Practise “According to Who?”
Here are some practical steps to integrate the power of “According to who?” into your daily life:
1. Notice the “shoulds”
Every time someone says you should or shouldn’t do something, pause because that’s your cue to ask “According to who?” (normally, their answer will eventually boil down to “According to me”).
2. Ask the question
Say it silently or out loud:
“According to who?”
Even if you don’t get an answer, the question itself creates space for something real to take place.
3. Identify the source
Is it cultural conditioning? Someone’s fear? An old story you’ve been carrying? Naming the source helps dissolve its power and to put you back on a real path.
4. Compare it with truth
Does this belief reflect reality itself or is it just projection? Does it align with wholeness, love, and authenticity or with fear and shame?
5. Choose realness
Decide whether to accept or discard it – you always have that power (and if you don’t think you do then you know what to do: ask “According to who?”).
A Quick Practice You Can Try Today
Next time you hear an opinion or feel an inner ‘rule’ pressuring you, run it through this simple process:
- Write the statement down.
- Ask: According to who?
- Write the answer (It might be “my dad”, “society”, “my ego”, “my fear”, etc. etc. etc.)
- Ask: Is that the truth or just conditioning?
- Decide: Do I want to keep it or let it go?
Do this daily for a week and you’ll be amazed at how much noise drops away so that you can start building flow.
Living in Realness
The point of all this “According to who?” ‘stuff’ isn’t to argue with everyone you meet or reject every bit of advice because sometimes people do speak truth and quite often a perspective really does align with reality.
The point is discernment:
- Is this real or is it ego?
- Is this truth or is it projection?
- Is this love or is it fear?
“According to who?” keeps you grounded and serves as a compass that stops you from getting lost in other people’s shadows.
And here’s the best part:
Once you start living by this question, you’ll notice a huge shift like less guilt, less frustration, and less wasted time living by borrowed rules.
You’ll have more clarity, more freedom, and more courage to live your own path.
“According to Who?”: The Final Word
Most people never question the voices around them or the voices inside their own heads.
Instead, they take them as truth, when in reality, they’re just echoes of the unreal.
But you don’t have to live that way…
Every time you feel pressured by an opinion, a belief, or a rule, pause and ask:
“According to who?”
Nine times out of ten, the illusion falls apart and what you’re left with is what’s always been there: the truth.
That’s where realness begins.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to start growing real and building real momentum in your life then book a free coaching call with me and I’ll help you get moving.
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.
This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
It has monthly, weekly, and daily (morning and evening) check-ins, tools and reflections to keep you in the zone and keep you flowing with zest and momentum.
If you want to get unstuck and grow REAL then check it out.
Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.
