by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Sometimes, the Realest Thing You Can Do is…Nothing
One of the most valuable things that we can give ourselves these days is also be one of the things that we seem to be most afraid of:
Nothing.
That might sound a little strange or counterintuitive – after all, we live in a world that constantly tells us we need to be doing more, achieving more, becoming more, consuming more, learning more, and producing more in order to be upstanding and productive members of society (which is just a fancy name for “other people”, anyway).
Take a quick look around you and you’ll see variations of the same message everywhere:
- Don’t waste time.
- Don’t fall behind.
- Don’t stop.
- Keep moving.
- Keep improving.
- Keep chasing.
- Etc. etc. etc.
Sometimes, it can make sense to live in this way, but what if – at other times – the thing that we need the most isn’t another goal, another project, another strategy, or another thing to add to our already overflowing lives?
What if we need to learn how to appreciate the value of NOTHING?
If you feel like your life needs transforming or you constantly have that restless feeling that there’s ‘more’ to life, then I want to ask you a simple question:
Where has all that DOING got you?
Probably not where you wanted…because the truth is that many people spend years running, striving, and pushing themselves forward, only to eventually arrive at the same place which is to be exhausted, disconnected, confused, and still searching.
Sometimes, one of the best things we can do for ourselves is learn to appreciate the value of nothing so we can give ourselves a reset and find a solid foundation from which to start building again because before we can create something REAL, we often need to create some space.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Do Nothing: What We'll Cover In This Article
- Sometimes, the Realest Thing You Can Do is…Nothing
- The Addiction to 'Doing' (Even When There's Nothing REAL To Do)
- The Two Reasons We Keep Doing When We Don't Need to Do
- When Healing Becomes Another Form of Avoidance
- The Real Driver of All this Unnecessary Busyness: Shame
- Training Yourself to Do Nothing
- 1. Create Sacred Empty Space
- 2. Notice Your Motivation Before Acting
- 3. Practise Non-Improvement
- 4. Let Nothing Be a Foundation
- The Final Word: Nothing Is Not Nothing
The Addiction to ‘Doing’ (Even When There’s Nothing REAL To Do)
The default state of being for most of us these days is to join the throngs of people running around like headless chickens constantly trying to DO things:
You know these types because they’re so common and the odds are pretty high that you’re one of them yourself:
Essentially, they’re busy from the moment they wake up until the moment they fall asleep and they fill their time by endlessly checking messages, scrolling, planning, working, consuming, learning, optimising, and improving.
It’s all so tiring but at least it’s important work.
When they’re not doing this kind of thing then you’ll find them trying to fix themselves, trying to fix their circumstances, and trying to get somewhere else.
They call this “life” even though they’re constantly moving a little further away from actually feeling alive from one day to the next.
Now, I suppose I should be clear before I go any further:
There is absolutely nothing ‘wrong’ with doing things – in fact, I do things every day so overall I recommend it:
I build things, write things, coach people, exercise, create, and take action pretty much every day (unless I’m taking a Wilderness Day) and I often tell my coaching clients that “Action is the only cure for anything” and genuinely believe it.
The caveat, however, is that this is only true when the following conditions are met:
When the things that we’re doing are REAL: Real action is action that‘s aligned with our true essence, our values, and our deeper purpose – it’s also an expression of who we really are and it flows from the inside-out instead of the outside-in.
The problem, then, is that so many of us are constantly DOING things simply for the sake of doing them:
- We’re moving but we’re not actually going anywhere.
- We’re filling our calendars but we’re not filling their lives.
- We’re distracting ourselves instead of connecting to ourselves and life.
This is why it’s so common to see people who are incredibly busy but deeply unhappy – for example, the workaholics who sacrifice years of their lives climbing a ladder that is leaning against the wrong wall, the people people who spend decades working on the same project but never really move forward, or the people who achieve external success but still feel like something is missing.
The problem isn’t the action itself but that so much of the action we dedicate ourselves to has become disconnected from REALNESS.
The Two Reasons We Keep Doing When We Don’t Need to Do
There are two main reasons why so many people fall into unreal doing and busyiness:
1. We Believe Doing Something Is Better Than Doing Nothing
Most people have absorbed the belief that any action is better than no action so they think that stopping means failing, resting means being lazy., and that spending time in still means that they’re wasting their potential.
All of these beliefs combine to make them feel like they have to constantly try and force life to conform to their will (which is really the will of their ego, not their realness) and so they push, manipulate, chase, and attempt to control every outcome (even though this is impossible and real life doesn’t work like that).
All of this flies in the face of the actual truth itself which is that:
Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is stop interfering long enough to allow reality to reveal itself.
A seed does not grow because it constantly tries harder and a tree doesn’t become stronger because it spends all day comparing itself to other trees – in other words, nature (which we’re a part of) understands something that many humans have forgotten:
Growth requires periods of stillness. It’s part of the process.
2. Our Culture Worships Yang Energy
Another reason that we tend to overvalue busyness for the sake of it is that our culture is heavily tilted towards Yang energy:
Yang represents movement, activity, expansion, achievement, and outward expression which are all valuable, of course, but without the balancing opposite energy of Yin – which is the energy of stillness, receptivity, reflection, and allowing then Yang becomes imbalance and we eventually burnout.
In the ‘Yang’ world that we’ve found ourselves in people celebrate being busy and equate busyness with success (which is why so many people love to tell you how busy there are all the time.
They also tend to do things that are pretty unnatural if you step back and take a look at them like wear exhaustion like a badge of honour, proudly announce how little sleep they get, and compete over who has the most stressful schedule.
In other words, ‘busyness’ has somehow become associated with importance and status but this neglects a vital truth about life which is that:
Bing busy doesn’t necessarily mean being effective, movement doesn’t necessarily mean progress, and noise doesn’t necessarily mean meaning.
When people are constantly ‘busy’ without getting anywhere then all they’re really doing is just running around on the surface of the Void.
The Void, in this context, represents a disconnection from truth which leads to shame and a constant itch or feeling that something is ‘missing’ – it’s the uncomfortable emptiness that appears when we lose contact with ourselves.
Many people spend their entire lives trying to fill that emptiness of the Void by finding some external ‘thing’ that they treat as a substitute for the truth itself (the only ‘thing’ that can actually overcome the Void):
- They chase money.
- They chase status.
- They chase relationships.
- They chase experiences.
- They chase approval.
- Etc. etc. etc.
It’s all futile, though, because when the foundation is unreal then nothing is ever truly capable of satisfying them (though, not the kind of ‘nothing’ we’re talking about in this article).
Those who live in this state are destined to keep searching because they never stopped long enough to discover what was already there.
When Healing Becomes Another Form of Avoidance
One of the most interesting places where this endless ‘busyness’ can ruin people’s lives is within personal growth and healing and I have literally seen people apply the same busy doing attitude to their own healing journeys.
Here’s what this looks like:
- They constantly need another retreat.
- Another course.
- Another workshop.
- Another technique.
- Another book.
- Another trauma to uncover.
- Another wound to excavate.
- Etc. etc. etc.
They become addicted to the process of ‘fixing’ themselves and so the endless quest just continues whilst being dressed up in the sights and sounds of ‘healing’.
The truth is that sometimes healing doesn’t require more digging because you’ve already dug as far as you need to:
Sometimes healing requires integration, silence, and doing absolutely NOTHING to allow what’s already been brought up to settle into the nervous system.
There is a huge difference between conscious growth and compulsive self-improvement (or compulsive anything, tbh) – one comes from truth (reality) but the other comes from shame (the Void).
The Real Driver of All this Unnecessary Busyness: Shame
The main driver behind unreal doing is usually SHAME.
Shame is the fundamental belief that “I am not good enough as I am” and when we carry it we believe that there’s something fundamentally ‘wrong’ with us and act accordingly.
When we’re driven by shame in this way then we act like we need to earn our right to exist, we act like we need to prove ourselves, and we act like we need to become somebody else before we can finally allow ourselves to relax.
This happens because we’ve become disconnected from the truth about ourselves and life and have forgotten that our worth isn’t something we need to achieve but that it’s something we can simply receive by returning to what’s REAL.
Ultimately, shame is just a judgement against the self that says things like:
- “I’m not acceptable”.
- “I’m not enough”.
- “I need to change before I can be whole”.
- (Or any other variety of the same theme).
This is unfortunate because when we keep running around doing things because of this kind of judgement then we just end up reinforcing the very belief(s) we’re trying to escape.
This is because every action driven by shame sends the message:
“I can’t simply be”.
“I must earn my place”.
“I must keep running”.
“I have to DO SOMETHING”.
This is why the solution is often the opposite of what we think – not to put more effort into things but so start doing NOTHING.
If you’re ready to go deeper into building flow and uncovering your real life then check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace.
Training Yourself to Do Nothing
Learning to appreciate nothing doesn’t mean becoming passive, abandoning important life goals, or refusing to take action and making excuses – it just means learning how to create space between who you truly are and all the things you do.
In other words, it means remembering that you’re a human BEING before you’re a human DOING.
Here are some practical ways to get started:
1. Create Sacred Empty Space
Start by deliberately creating moments where you have no agenda:
- No phone.
- No podcast.
- No productivity goal.
- No achievement.
- Etc. etc. etc.
Simply sit, go for a walk, look out the window, drink a cup of tea, and ALLOW yourself to actually just exist.
At first, this might feel uncomfortable but that discomfort is actually useful because it helps to reveal all of the noise that’s been covering up the signal of your realness.
Stay with it because the silence is where you begin to hear yourself and life again.
2. Notice Your Motivation Before Acting
Before you take action, ask yourself the following really simple questions:
“Is this coming from fragmentation or wholeness?”
“Am I expressing myself or escaping myself?”
“Would I still do this if nobody ever found out about it?”
These questions help separate real action from shame-driven action so that you can keep building flow.
3. Practise Non-Improvement
Give yourself periods where you are not trying to ‘improve’ yourself:
This might sound ridiculous to read something like this on a blog in the personal development world, but it’s incredibly powerful because the truth is that you don’t need to constantly upgrade yourself or level up and you don’t always need to be a project.
Sometimes you need to simply experience yourself because Realness isn’t something you have to create – it’s something you uncover.
(Most of my work with clients is about helping them unlearn all of the ‘stuff’ that’s covering their realness and keeping them in the Void).
4. Let Nothing Be a Foundation
The deepest value of nothing is that it gives you a real foundation to build on when you’re ready to take real action because when you stop running from yourself, you create the space to discover yourself and life.
From this real foundation, action becomes cleaner, focused and powerful and you stop doing things because you’re afraid and start doing them simply because they’re true.
This is the difference between movement and real growth.
The Final Word: Nothing Is Not Nothing
The great paradox is that nothing is not actually empty or meaningless – in fact, ‘nothing’ is full of possibility:
A blank page contains every possible story, a silent moment contains every possible insight, and an empty space contains every possible creation – in other words, before anything new can emerge, there needs to be room for it to arrive.
The problem is that many people are so afraid of emptiness that they constantly fill every available space and so they never allow themselves to listen or for life itself to speak to them.
The journey back to REALNESS often begins with a radical act of stopping, being still, and doing nothing – not because nothing matters but because nothing might be the place where everything begins.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to start taking real action and building a life away from the Void then book a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you shift gear.
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
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