by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
An Abundance Mindset is the Key to Real Success in Relationships and Business
We live in an ego-driven world and the Ego is obsessed with scarcity – this means that many of us are running around filtering everything through the ‘scarcity’ lens and missing out on REAL opportunities in life:
Maybe you’re one of these people yourself – constantly worrying about losing opportunities, feeling like you’re missing out, or even that – at some fundamental level – you’re not ‘enough’.
In this article, I want to help you understand that this way of thinking is just an illusion, a trick of the fragmented mind, and your own emotional ‘stuff’ projected out into the world around you (perception is projection, after all).
The truth is that abundance is real and an abundance mindset is not just about positive thinking or deluding yourself – it’s about aligning with the deep reality of wholeness and the way that things actually are.
When you understand that what’s real is always real, everything changes and you open up the door to your real life.
Let’s dig a little deeper to see what all of this means for you and your life:
What is an Abundance Mindset?
People love to talk about “Abundance” these days but what does it actually mean when we’re being REAL about it?
Let’s start with what an abundance mindset isn’t:
An abundance mindset is not about wishful thinking, nor is it about pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s not about deluding yourself into thinking you can just have whatever you want without working for it or putting in any effort; nor is it about “faking it until you make it” or doing anything else that involves pretending to be something that you’re not or that the world you live in isn’t what it actually is.
Instead – when we’re REAL – an abundance mindset is about recognising that you’re already connected to everything you need and that you already have the power to create and make the most of the opportunities that are available to you. It means trusting in the natural flow of life, rather than grasping for external validation or forcing things to happen, and moving towards your goals with an open-mind instead of a closed one and with REALNESS instead of ego.
Abundance means knowing that what is real cannot be lost because, like I said above (and in my book Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World), what’s real is always real:
If something is ‘meant’ for you, it will either come (if you take action) or it will stay with you; if something never arrives or leaves, it wasn’t truly yours to begin with.
This is about connecting to and staying rooted in a sense of wholeness – the foundation of an abundance mindset (and also the foundation of being REAL because everything comes back to being whole).
If you can learn to operate from this place, both your relationships and your business thrive because you no longer operate from fear or lack – instead you’re just grounded in what’s real about yourself, the world, and reality.
To get to this place, you may first need to learn to LET GO:
The Power of Letting Go
One of the greatest barriers to success in any area of life is attachment to the unreal and treating the FRAGMENTS of life as the WHOLE of life:
When we become obsessed with a particular outcome, we unknowingly push it away, because we’re putting it on a pedestal and treating it as something that is disconnected from us. This just takes us out of the process of moving towards it and causes us to see it as being way more important than it actually is (we think that it will fill the Void inside ourselves without realising that this is just because we think it can give us what only wholeness can give us…despite our already being whole).
Getting ‘obsessed’ in this way just makes us desperate and desperation repels things (“if you chase it, it runs away). The opposite of this is the confidence that comes from being grounded in the REALNESS of WHOLENESS – important here because confidence attracts.
In short, then, an abundance mindset allows you to be outcome-independent, meaning you are not enslaved to external results for your self-worth (because you know that what’s real is always real and so you don’t need to outsource your self-acceptance to your goals – instead, you can just enjoy your goals as an expression of your realness).
When you operate from abundance like this, you can also LET GO of needing something to happen in a particular way. Instead, you focus on the process of moving towards things by taking real action. Ironically, this detachment makes success more likely because when you are too fixated on results, you are not present or engaged with reality.
Instead, when you stay rooted in the process, the results take care of themselves.
Trusting That There Are Always More Opportunities
The truth about life is that it’s filled with opportunities, but only if you are open to them:
The scarcity mindset tells you that every ‘failure’ is the end of the road; the abundance mindset tells you that ‘failure‘ is just another step towards what is real. Scarcity makes you more fragmented but abundance leads towards wholeness.
Even if something doesn’t work out, it serves you in the end because every experience that brings you closer to acceptance also brings you closer to wholeness.
This applies to everything: jobs, relationships, sales, personal goals. The moment you realise that life will always provide new doors to walk through, you stop chasing.
And when you stop chasing, you start receiving.
The Garden and the Butterflies
Imagine your life as a garden:
If you spend your time frantically running around, trying to catch butterflies, they will always flutter just out of reach as they fly away from you. But if you tend to your garden, instead – if you cultivate yourself, your skills, your mindset, and grow REAL – the butterflies come to you naturally.
People, opportunities, and success are no different – when you focus on growing real, instead of grasping for things to fill the Void, life moves in your favour because you’re moving with life instead of against it.
This is the essence of abundance – not just taking but creating.
Staying Grounded No Matter What
The key to true abundance is staying grounded and rooted in your REALNESS:
The world will test you whether you have a scarcity or an abundance mindset (that’s just how life goes) – you will face setbacks, losses, and moments of doubt – but an abundance mindset is about giving up the unnecessary struggle that comes from resisting life and instead trusting that even the inevitable struggles serve a higher purpose.
Staying grounded means:
- Trusting in the process instead of panicking about results
- Detaching from external validation and knowing your worth is intrinsic
- Letting go of control and allowing things to unfold naturally
- Taking real action instead of forcing things out of F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”).
Abundance in Business
Many people think that in order to succeed in business, they must be aggressive, chase clients, and push for results but this approach often backfires.
This is because people unconsciously pick up on desperation – they recoil from those who try too hard (just like those butterflies in the garden that fly beyond your grasp).
A business rooted in abundance, however, thrives on service:
Instead of forcing things, you focus on creating value; you trust that by showing up in a real way, the right clients, opportunities, and growth will follow.
Even in high-stakes environments where results are necessary (e.g. sales targets, commission-based work), staying indifferent to the outcome leads to better performance. This is because it keeps you focused on the process, rather than the pressure and the desperation that comes from caving into it.
Abundance in Relationships
An abundance mindset transforms relationships because it allows you to show up as you are, without needing others to validate you. In this sense, you’re no longer trying to ‘prove’ your worth or manipulate situations to get what you want. Instead, you trust that the right connections will naturally align with you because you’re being real (and if people don’t align you get let them go without drama or taking things personally).
This makes you more attractive, not just romantically but in all areas of life – whether in friendships, partnerships, or networking, people are drawn to those who exude the real confidence that abundance brings.
In short, real confidence comes from knowing you have nothing to lose – because what is real is always real and so are you.
Bringing Abundance into Your Life: Practical Steps
Understanding abundance is one thing but how do you live it?
Here are some key ways to integrate an abundance mindset into your daily life:
- Shift Your Focus to Process Over Outcomes
- Set clear goals, but don’t obsess over them because you think they will fill the Void.
- Stay engaged with the present moment.
- Let go of needing things to happen a certain way.
- Practise Trust
- Remind yourself that life always provides what you need in the end (if you don’t believe me, look back at your life)
- Reflect on past situations where things worked out unexpectedly.
- When something doesn’t go your way, say, “This is a lesson, not a loss.”
- Detach From External Validation
- Stop outsourcing your self-worth or levels of self-acceptance to achievements or approval.
- Recognise that you are already whole and that you can express from this wholeness instead of chasing things to make you feel whole (because you already are – it’s just our ego and its mental blocks that stops us seeing this sometimes)
- Take actions because they align with your values and what you want to express in a real way, not because you need validation.
- Cultivate Realness
- Focus on growing real in yourself instead of chasing results.
- Take action from a place of authenticity, not fear.
- Trust that the right people and opportunities will align with you when you are real (and then watch it happen).
- Stay Grounded
- Develop a daily practice that keeps you centred (e.g. meditation, journalling, getting into your body with breathwork or yoga etc.).
- When things don’t go as planned, pause and remind yourself of the bigger picture and KEEP TRUSTING ANYWAY.
- Surround yourself with people who reinforce abundance thinking (i.e not haters or people who never take action but complain about everything etc.).
The Final Truth About Abundance
An abundance mindset serves you because it aligns with reality -it allows you to move through life with confidence, trust, and presence and makes you more effective in business, more fulfilled in relationships, and more at peace with yourself.
The world is full of opportunities, connections, and resources but you’ll only see them when you stop chasing and start trusting.
Tend to that garden, stay grounded, and remember: what is real is always real.
Stay real out there,
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