by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Don’t Chase Anything – Just Let It Happen or Move On
If you chase it, it runs away.
This isn’t just some poetic metaphor – it’s a fundamental truth about how life works.
You might’ve even seen this truth working in your own life:
The more desperately you grasp for something – a relationship, success, validation – the further it seems to slip through your fingers…it’s kinda like trying to catch a butterfly with a net when, in reality, if you sit still long enough, it will just come and land on your shoulder without you needing to FORCE things.
Why is this? I hear you ask.
Because nothing real needs chasing and nothing unreal matters anyway.
When you operate from a mindset of abundance instead of scarcity, this truth becomes second nature – you stop running after things that don’t serve you and instead open yourself up to what naturally aligns with who you truly are in your REALNESS.
This is the foundation of outcome-independence – a way of moving through life where you no longer outsource your levels of self-worth, self-acceptance, or inner peace to external results.
And the beauty of this? Life becomes a lot more effortless and REAL.
Let’s go deeper:

The Scarcity Trap vs. the Abundance Mindset
Most people chase because they’re locked into the scarcity thinking of the Ego – the belief that whatever they’re after is rare, fleeting, and must be clung to for dear life if they want to stand any chance of filling the Void.
This leads to desperation, attachment, and anxiety, whether in relationships, business, or just personal goals in general.
Scarcity makes you believe that if you don’t grab this one opportunity, another won’t come along which just serves to create a state of tension and fear that pulls you out of the present moment and into a spiral of ‘what ifs’ and overanalysis (which just stops you taking REAL action because of analysis paralysis).
Abundance thinking, on the other hand, is about trusting in reality:
It’s knowing that there is always more because things always keep flowing – more opportunities, more connections, more paths forward. When you internalise this, you stop making decisions based on fear and start moving from a place of clarity and flow. In other words, you come at it from your REALNESS instead of just your ego.
This isn’t just a feel-good idea – it’s backed by psychology and neuroscience:
Studies on self-fulfilling prophecies show that people who believe in abundance take more risks, create more opportunities, and attract better outcomes because they’re not paralysed by F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real).
Their relaxed, open energy makes them more receptive to life’s natural flow and – because they’re not in a state of panic and confusion – they can make better decisions which makes them more likely to get the results they want from life anyway.
(As an aside, this means that having an abundance mentality is good for your nervous system and therefore your health in general).
What Happens When You Stop Chasing?
When you stop chasing, three powerful shifts tend to happen:
- You become more attractive (in every sense of the word).
Whether it’s relationships, business opportunities, or creative flow, the energy of not needing something is magnetic (because if you chase things they run away).
When you stop grasping for things you don’t have or clinging to things you do, people and opportunities naturally gravitate towards you. It’s confidence, not in an arrogant way, but in a way that signals self-sufficiency and clarity – you become the kind of person people want to be around because you can be PRESENT (instead of having your ego play mind games etc. because you have a scarcity mindset and need things from people they can never give). - You make better decisions.
When you’re not making choices from desperation and scarcity, you stop settling for things that aren’t truly aligned with you and your realnesss.
When you can RELAX and let go, then cou see things clearly, and instead of grabbing the first thing that comes along, you wait for something REAL instead.
In other words, an abundance mindset makes you more patient with life so you don’t have to involve yourself with things and situations that you don’t need to be involved with. - You stay in the present and enjoy life more.
Chasing and scarcity pulls you out of reality – it makes you fixate on the future, constantly waiting for the next moment instead of appreciating the one you’re in.
When you let go, you actually experience life instead of just strategising for it. Paradoxically, SLOWING DOWN in this way SPEEDS YOU UP because you can be more responsive to what’s actually happening instead of just reacting to the disorted view of life that a scarcity mindset shows you.
The Link Between Abundance and Outcome Independence
Outcome-independence is a natural extension of an abundance mindset.
This means that your self-acceptance and internal state are not dependent on external results. In other words, you don’t need a certain outcome to feel whole or REAL because you know that you already are (you don’t just believe it).
Most people operate with outcome-dependence which is the direct opposite:
Their emotions fluctuate based on whether or not they get what they want from life (and often these wants don’t even ‘belong’ to them but are rooted in the conditioning of ego). If they land the job, get the relationship, or receive external validation, they feel good; if they don’t, they spiral into self-doubt. This is exhausting and unsustainable because it means your levels of inner stability are always at the mercy of something besides your own realness.
Outcome-independence, on the other hand, is about being rooted in reality – it’s knowing that you are already ‘enough’ and always will be and no future event can add or subtract from your realness (because what’s real is always real and the only thing you can ever lose is something unreal).
This doesn’t mean you stop caring or striving to move towards a better or more real life – it just means you move forward with intent but without attachment, expressing more and more of your real self rather than trying to outsource it in external things. You take action, do your best and accept the rest, and let the results unfold naturally.
If something aligns, great. If not, you move on, knowing something else will….and it always will.

How to Practise Outcome-Independence and Abundance in Everyday Life
1. Shift Your Perspective on ‘Loss‘
When something doesn’t work out, remind yourself: Nothing real can ever be lost. If it wasn’t meant for you, it was never really yours in the first place. If it was real, it will find its way back in another form (because the realest things are always the values and experiences etc. beyond the surface level fruits of life – they’re linked to the underlying process that allows the fruit to materialise in the first place).
2. Stop Overinvesting in External Validation
Check in with yourself: Do you only feel good when something external validates you? A like on social media, praise from someone, hitting a certain goal? If so, start shifting your focus inwards. Validate yourself first by learning to cultivate unconditional self-acceptance and let external rewards be a byproduct – not the source – of your self-worth.
3. Take Action Without Expectation
Do things because they are in alignment with your realness and your core values – not just because of the outcome they might bring. Put out your best work, show up fully in relationships, train hard in the gym – but do it because it’s who you are and because these things allow you to express that – not because you’re expecting a certain ‘reward’ (when you have unconditional self-acceptance – which is ultimately a relationship with truth – then you don’t need a ‘reward’ anyway).
4. Let Go of What Ifs and Should Haves
Scarcity thinking makes you dwell on past failures or missed chances because your ego wants you to wallow in your emotions (so your ego can stay where it is). On the other hand, an abundance mentality recognises that every moment is new and full of potential…you don’t need to mourn what’s gone when there’s so much still ahead.
5. Trust Reality
Reality is always working in your favour – just not always in the way you expect. The more you trust in what is, rather than resisting what isn’t, the more effortlessly things start falling into place. Keep running towards something REAL instead of focusing on the unreal.
Final Thoughts: Move On When Need Be – Life Is Truly Amazing
When you trust in abundance and detach from rigid outcomes, life becomes smoother, lighter, and more fulfilling. You stop trying to force things and instead allow them to unfold naturally as you learn to flow.
When you stop needing things to happen a certain way, they tend to happen better than you could have planned.
Life is truly amazing.
Stay real out there,
