by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
From Body to Being: How Bodily Tension Shapes Who You Are
Most people try to ‘fix’ themselves by thinking differently and so they work on things like changing their mindset, positive affirmations, or mental reframing.
All of these things can help us but they don’t always realise that the mind follows the body.
When we do understand this basic premise (that the mind follows the body) then we can help ourselves even more.
It goes like this:
Body → Emotions → Thoughts → Vision
What this means in practical terms is that your body carries unprocessed sensations and signals, those sensations create emotions, those emotions influence your thoughts, and those thoughts feed into your vision – the way your ego interprets what’s possible for you in life.
This is really important to understand because:
If your body is tense, your emotional world will feel restricted.
If your emotions are restricted, your thoughts will be defensive or limited.
If your thoughts are limited, your vision for life will be small and shaped by fear, self-protection, or survival rather than the REALNESS of trust, flow, and love.
That’s why if you want to be real, you can’t just work from the neck up and try and figure it all out with your mind:
Instead, you have to work with the whole system mind, body, and being and the best way to start is through awareness (followed by acceptance and then action).
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Bodily Tension: What it Means – What We’ll Cover in this Article
- From Body to Being: How Bodily Tension Shapes Who You Are
- Why You Can’t Think Your Way Out of Bodily Tension
- A Simple Practice to Release Bodily Tension: The 5 Daily Pauses
- The Body’s Language: From Temples to Toes
- From Frozen to Flowing
- The REAL Practice: Awareness → Acceptance → Action
- Bodily Tension: What Happens When You Keep Listening
Why You Can’t Think Your Way Out of Bodily Tension
The body stores everything that the mind tries to avoid:
Every time you bite your tongue, hold back tears, or swallow anger, the energy of that emotion doesn’t just ‘disappear’ – it just moves deeper into the body and waits for you to feel it.
(Which is why, as the famous book title says, “The body keeps the score”).
Over time, this builds up like sediment in a river and so the flow of energy – your natural state of aliveness and realness as you move towards wholeness – becomes blocked.
You might call this sensation “stress”, “anxiety”, or “feeling stuck” but – at the root – it’s the same thing: your body’s wisdom is trying to get your attention so you can process what needs processing.
This is why no amount of mental effort or positive thinking will fully free you….no matter how hard you try – because if your body is still operating in survival mode, the mind will follow.
The key, then, is to reconnect with your body and relearn its language so you listen to it and see what’s actually going on for you.
A Simple Practice to Release Bodily Tension: The 5 Daily Pauses
You don’t need to sit in a cave for years or twist yourself into a yoga pretzel to do this work (although that might be fun in some ways) – instead, you can make a lot of progress by starting small and just shifting your focus a little.
Here’s one of the most powerful, practical exercises you can do:
Stop five times throughout your day and ‘check in’ with your body and listen to what it has to tell you.
Set reminders if you need to or set an anchor (like every time you get an email or see a certain number or something)…
Each time, all you need to do is simply pause and ask yourself:
“What am I feeling physically and emotionally right now?”
That’s it.
You don’t need to try and change anything. You don’t need to judge what you find. You just need to notice.
(This works because so many of us have unresolved bodily tension purely because we haven’t stopped to notice it).
The first few times, your mind might catch yourself saying “Nothing – I feel fine” and that’s normal because we’ve all be conditioned over the years (as we identify with a performative version of ourselves – a.k.a the ego) to ignore subtle sensations.
But the more you do this, the more your awareness sharpens and you can start to understand the body’s language:
You start to notice the tightness in your jaw when you’re trying to control things, the heaviness in your chest when you’re people-pleasing, or the tingling in your stomach when something excites or frightens you.
Over time, this simple act of pausing rewires your relationship with yourself because you stop being the tension and start observing it and – from this stronger foundation – you can stop reacting from emotion and start responding to it.
This is the beginning of emotional intelligence because you’re not just operating from a fragmented place in your head but from a place of wholeness that starts from the body up.
The Body’s Language: From Temples to Toes
Below is a quick guide to what different areas of tension in the body often represent. None of this is medical advice – it’s symbolic, experiential, and based on patterns observed through embodiment work and real human awareness. Use it as a mirror, not a manual.
The body doesn’t lie but it does speak in symbols and so these associations are invitations to listen, not to diagnose – if a description resonates, explore it; if it doesn’t, let it go. What matters isn’t following a map but learning to create and understand your own map based on your own situation.
Let’s get into it from the temples to the toes (full body):
Temples and Head
Tension here often signals mental overload because of rigid attachment to old identities (the ego is usually operating in the pre-frontal cortex), overthinking, control freakery, and analysis paralysis.
Basically, the head gets tight when we’re trying to “figure life out” instead of trusting it.
Ask yourself: “What am I trying to control with my mind that my realness already knows and accepts?”
Jaw
A clenched jaw reflects suppressed expression.
It’s what happens when we’ve held back words of truth, failed to express our real emotions, or simply hidden our real opinions too many times. It’s also linked to unspoken anger.
Ask yourself: “What truth am I afraid to voice?”
Neck and Shoulders
This is where most people carry the weight of responsibility and expectations because we quite literally “shoulder” the burdens of ourselves and others. Tension here can mean we’re trying to hold life up on our own rather than trust it to hold us.
Ask yourself: “What weight am I carrying that isn’t mine?”
Chest
A tight chest is the sign of a guarded heart and can reflect grief, fear of vulnerability, or years of shutting down emotionally to stay safe. It’s also linked to a lack of regulated breathing which is unfortunate because our breathing patterns determine the quality of our life (based on how it affects the nervous system).
Ask yourself: “What would happen if I let myself breathe freely again?”
Solar Plexus (upper abdomen)
This is your centre of power and self-worth and so, when this area feels tight or heavy, it’s often because we’re doubting ourselves or suppressing our realness of will. It’s the classic case of a “gut feeling” we’ve ignored too many times making us know about it.
Ask yourself: “Where am I giving my power away in an unreal way?”
Stomach
The stomach is where we “stomach” life (surprise, surprise…):
It’s the emotional digestion centre and so tightness, fluttering, or nausea here can signal anxiety, worry, or resistance to reality.
Ask yourself: “What part of life am I refusing to digest and face the reality of?”
Lower Abdomen
Linked to creativity, sexuality, and flow, tension here often means repressed emotion or shame around desire, pleasure, or expression. It can also show up when we’re disconnected from our inner child which is our sense of curiosity and play.
Ask yourself: “Where am I not allowing myself to fully be alive?”
Hips
The hips are one of the body’s main emotional storage units – especially for sadness, shame, and old trauma. When we avoid feeling deep emotions, they settle here and that’s why deep hip-opening stretches (in yoga etc.) can trigger tears or release.
Ask yourself: “What old emotion is waiting to move through me and how can I let it go?”
Thighs
Tight thighs often reflect pushing forward and the drive to achieve, perform, and prove. For this reason, they carry the energy of striving and control.
Ask yourself: “What am I chasing that’s adding tension to my life?”
Knees
These represent humility and flexibility and so stiff knees can often point to pride, stubbornness, or an unwillingness to bend.
Ask yourself: “Where am I resisting flow or inevitable change?”
Calves
Tension here can show a fear of moving forward as though the body is pumping the brakes. You might feel it when stepping into the unknown or after prolonged stress.
Ask yourself: “What am I afraid of stepping into?”
Feet
Your feet ground you and so tension, restlessness, or coldness here often symbolises disconnection from the Earth and from reality itself.
Ask yourself: “Am I standing on solid ground within myself?”
(In all these cases it’s also simply possible that you’ve just been either neglecting or working out these areas too much but even if the cause is physical it will eventually lead to emotional effects).
From Frozen to Flowing
When you start noticing tension, don’t rush to fix it because that’s just another way of resisting what’s real.
Instead, all you need to do is feel into it.
Tension is not your enemy – it’s your teacher because it’s your body’s way of saying, “Something in you is ready to be seen now”.
The moment you fully allow the sensation without judgement or stories (which are usually just projections), it begins to change which is the beginning of real healing because you’re no longer a victim of your body; you’re an active participant in its unfolding.
And here, again, is the magic:
As the body releases, the emotions release; as the emotions release, the mind quiets; and as the mind quiets, your vision expands and you start living from wholeness, not fragmentation.
My book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace will help you to develop a real sense of flow in your life and to regulate your nervous system for realness.
The REAL Practice: Awareness → Acceptance → Action
Working with tension isn’t just about feeling better – it’s about growing REAL:
You can apply my realness pathway to this work:
- Awareness:
Start by noticing your physical sensations throughout the day. No interpretation, no fixing – just awareness (“I feel tight in my chest”). - Acceptance:
Let it be there without labelling it as it as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and just seeing it as real. This step teaches your nervous system safety which means that it’s okay to feel whatever it is. Over time, this dissolves resistance. - Action:
Once you’ve listened, take aligned action. This might mean breathing deeper, stretching, journaling, resting, or having an honest conversation. The key to remember is that action becomes real when it flows from presence, not tension.
Bodily Tension: What Happens When You Keep Listening
The more you practise this, the more fluent you become in the body’s language and so you can start catching the subtle whispers before they turn into shouts:
- You’ll feel emotions move through you instead of staying stuck.
- You’ll sense when your ego tries to take control and so you can soften into responsiveness instead of reactivity.
- You’ll begin trusting life again, not because everything’s perfect, but because you’re present enough to meet it as it is.
The end result isn’t just a relaxed body but a real life because you live in a body that flows – allowing for a mind that trusts, a heart that opens, and a spirit that leads.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to start changing your life and growing real then book a free coaching call with me and I’ll help you find presence so you can take real action.
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