by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The Conscious Goal-Setter and the Unconscious Goal-Getter
There’s a simple but powerful saying in coaching:
The Conscious Mind is the Goal Setter, and the Unconscious Mind is the Goal Getter.
At first glance, this might sound like some kind of motivational gunk or even spritual bullsh*ttery, but within it lies a roadmap to transforming how you live, work, and show up in the world.
To be honest, despite the profound results it can bring, the idea is simple:
Your conscious mind (the ‘goal setter’) decides what you want and your unconscious mind (the ‘goal getter’) – the deeper, automatic part of you – works behind the scenes to make it happen (if you can get out of your own way, LET GO, and trust).
Unfortunately, the problem for most people is that they sabotage this process without even realising it – they consciously set one goal while their unconscious mind gets wildly conflicting instructions. It’s basically like putting the wrong destination into your sat-nav and wondering why you end up in the wrong place.
In this article we’ll explore how this disconnect happens and how you can realign your conscious and unconscious minds to stop spinning your wheels and start moving toward the REAL life you actually want.
The Goal-Setting Trap: Mixed Signals
Your unconscious mind is like a loyal worker bee – it doesn’t overthink or second-guess; it simply acts on the instructions it’s given from the command centre (your conscious mind). There’s only one caveat: it takes all your instructions, not just the ones you ‘think’ you’re giving it.
For example, if you consciously decide, “I want to become healthier” but then spend the rest of your day binging Netflix, eating junk food, and thinking “I’ll never stick to a routine anyway”, then you’ve sent two very different signals to your unconscious mind.
On one hand, you’ve set a goal; on the other, your actions and beliefs have communicated that you don’t actually value or believe in that goal and so…nothing happens.
This kind of dissonance and disharmony causes confusion and so your unconscious mind simply sticks with what it already knows – your old habits, behaviours, and self-sabotaging patterns.
Here’s where things get pretty interesting: the problem often boils down to the ego and the shadow self and the Shadow Dance that they’re involved in (this is just a kind of ‘battle’ between the image you’ve created of yourself to survive whatever you’ve been through in life (ego) and the TRUTH about yourself that often gets hidden from view to keep this image in place (shadow)).
The conscious mind may have good intentions, but if your ego is running the show, clinging to fears, insecurities, or old stories about who you are, those deeper, shadow parts of yourself will distort the signal and pull you in a direction that you don’t think you want to go in but which is actually more REAL for you.
For example, maybe you keep telling yourself at the conscious level that “I want to lose weight” but you never actually do…This is because deep down beneath the shadows you have an UNCONSCIOUS INTENTION to NOT lose weight. Because the unconcious mind is the ‘goal getter’, this is what you get.
To stop sabotaging yourself, you need to align your conscious goals with your unconscious mind and its intentions and that means doing the internal work to get clear on what’s driving your behaviour.
At the heart of this is a simple principle:
You have to BE before you can DO or HAVE.
This is where most people get stuck; they try to jump straight to ‘doing’ part – ticking boxes, grinding away, or chasing external results – without first focusing on who they need to become.
The unconscious mind works best when your actions align with thedeeper identity of your REALNESS which means that you need to show up as the person you’re trying to be, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
The Ego vs. the Shadow: A Tug-of-War
Like we said, much of the misalignment between the conscious and unconscious minds comes from the battle between the Ego and the Shadow Self and the Shadow Dance that they’re engaged in:
- The Ego is the part of you that wants to look ‘good’, feel safe, and maintain a sense of control. It’s the surface-level ‘you’ that sets goals based on societal expectations, fear of failure, or the need for approval. At heart, it’s a reaction to underlying SHAME (most commonly), guilt, and/or trauma that makes us feel we need to be a version of ourselves besides what we actually are.
- The Shadow Self is the hidden, disowned part of you that contains all the emotions, traits, and desires you’ve repressed because they felt ‘unacceptable’ or uncomfortable in reaction to the ego and how you think you need to appear in order to be ‘good’ (without shame, basically).
When the Ego and Shadow are out of balance, the goals you set often aren’t authentic or real because they’re based on the need to keep the illusions of ego in place rather than express anything true:
Maybe you chase status, money, or approval because your ego thinks it’ll make you happy, but deep down, your Shadow Self knows that these things won’t bring fulfilment – or maybe you consciously aim for success, but unresolved feelings of unworthiness from being disconnected from the Shadow Self keep pulling you back.
To overcome this, you need to:
- Raise Awareness – Deconstruct the ego and its surface-level motivations.
- Cultivate Acceptance – Integrate the shadow self by facing the parts of you that you’ve ignored or rejected.
- Take Aligned Action – Set goals that reflect your real values and take consistent steps to embody them.
(Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – it works every time! Book a call with me to find out how it can help you)!
The Power of Being Before Doing
Transformation doesn’t happen because you wish for it or hustle harder – it happens because you start being the person you’re trying to become, right here and now.
You do this by putting yourself in the PROCESS of real life and action instead of just thinking (at a conscious level) about the goals and outcomes you want from this process.
Think of it this way:
Your unconscious mind doesn’t respond to your future plans; it responds to your current identity.
If you see yourself as a victim, a procrastinator, or someone who just isn’t good ‘enough’, then that’s the identity your unconscious mind will reinforce, no matter how many affirmations you repeat or vision boards you create.
On the other hand, when you start acting as though you’re already the person you want to become – even in small ways – your unconscious mind takes note and begins to adjust your habits, behaviours, and thought patterns to align with this new identity.
Over time, this carries you from Point A to Point B through the process of cause and effect and closes the ‘gap’ so that you can become aligned (i.e. your conscious and unconscious mind are both pointing in the same direction instead of tearing you apart).
Practical Steps to Align Your Conscious and Unconscious Minds
To make this concept practical, here’s a step-by-step process you can use to realign your conscious and unconscious minds, overcome self-sabotage, and move toward your REAL goals with clarity and purpose:
1. Get Clear on What You Really Want
- Take time to reflect on your goals. Are they truly yours, or are they driven by societal, cultural, or familial expectations?
- Ask yourself: If I stripped away all external pressure, what would I want my life to look like?
- Write down your goals in specific, measurable terms. Avoid vague statements like “I want to be successful” Instead, define what success looks like to you as CLEARLY as possible and framed in the positive (focusing on what you want – not what you don’t want).
2. Raise Awareness
- Pay attention to the thoughts, behaviours, and emotions that arise when you think about your goals.
- Notice where the Ego might be creating resistance or distortion (resistance = holding you back from doing what you need to do; distortion = blocking your view of what’s real).
For example, do you fear failure, judgment, or rejection? Are there old stories or beliefs holding you back? - Journaling or working with a coach (*cough*) can help you uncover these hidden dynamics.
3. Cultivate Acceptance
- Instead of fighting against your Shadow Self, start to embrace it. Acknowledge your fears, insecurities, and past mistakes without judgment. Here are 100 Shadow Work Exercises to get you started. You can also check out my book: Shadow Life: Freedom from BS in an Unreal World.
- Practice self-compassion – remember that growth requires discomfort and it’s okay to feel uncertain or vulnerable as you push through your EDGE.
4. Focus on Identity-Based Habits
- Start showing up as the person you’re trying to become:
- For example, if your goal is to become healthier, don’t just set a target to lose weight. Instead, ask yourself: What would a healthy person do today? Then do it. It sounds simple (and it is) but it WORKS.
- Small, consistent actions are more effective than grand but unsustainable gestures.
5. Use Visualisation and Affirmation Wisely
- Visualise your goals, but don’t stop there – make sure you actively take ACTION otherwise you’re wasting your time.
- Use affirmations that reinforce your identity, such as “I am someone who takes care of my body,” rather than focusing solely on outcomes like “I will lose 10 pounds”. Use this to guide your ACTIONS (i.e. don’t just think about it, do it).
6. Take Aligned Action
- Break your goals into actionable steps and start taking them – don’t wait for motivation or the ‘perfect’ moment. Once you really know what you WANT then keep your FOCUS on that instead of how you might ‘feel’ from moment to moment (your feelings are temporary but what you want in your realness remains).
- Remember that action creates momentum and momentum builds confidence. The more you do something, the more you can do something.
7. Review and Adjust
- Regularly check in with yourself:
Are your actions aligning with your goals? Are you staying true to your REAL desires and not just the desires of your ego? - If something isn’t working, be willing to adapt. The journey to growth is rarely linear and even the pathway of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action goes through spirals.
Conclusion: REAL Always Works
The bottom line is that real transformation happens when you align your conscious goals with your unconscious mind in a REAL way.
This requires honesty, courage, and the willingness to embrace discomfort as you step into a new identity and leave the old ‘ego’ behind.
If you raise your awareness, integrate your shadow self to cultivate acceptance, and take inspired action, you’ll stop spinning your wheels and start moving forward with purpose and clarity.
Remember: REAL always works – when you chase something true, instead of what’s driven by ego or external pressure, you’ll find that your unconscious mind is your greatest ally.
Let it do its thing – but first make sure you’re giving it the right instructions then get the ego out of the way and trust it.
Stay real out there,
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