Real Always Works: Why Reality is Always Your TEACHER

by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

Turning Towards Reality is Always the Key to Real Change

A harsh but beautiful truth about life is that most ‘problems’ persist not because they’re impossible to solve, but because we refuse to face them head-on:

Whether it’s out of fear, pride, or plain avoidance, turning away from reality is often the quickest route to stagnation because it always leads to the same unreal place: EGO.

If we truly want to change our lives, we need to embrace one fundamental truth: Reality is always your teacher.

No matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may seem, reality always holds the keys to meaningful transformation – it has to be this way because where can you get actual RESULTS if not in reality?

It’s not always kind, it’s rarely indulgent, and it certainly doesn’t cater to the idealised scenarios we create in our minds. But here’s the catch: it’s the only thing we have to work with so you might as well train yourself to do so (if you want to live your REALEST life).

Ignoring reality is like trying to build a house without looking at the materials you’ve been given:

You can dream of grand architectural designs all you want, but unless you’re willing to assess the wood, bricks, and nails in front of you, nothing will ever take shape. Facing reality may feel like stepping into darkness, but if you approach it with courage and curiosity, you’ll find that the truth always brings light.

If you’re ‘stuck’ in life or not getting the results you know you can then maybe it’s time to ask yourself if you could get more REAL?

Book a call with me if you think that maybe you can:

Reality as the Foundation for Change

Why is reality such an essential teacher? Because it makes change possible. Change doesn’t happen in the realm of fantasy or wishful thinking (both extensions of EGO and its escapism)- it happens in the gritty, messy, and often imperfect landscape of real life. And if you don’t take the time to understand and ACCEPT that landscape—your starting point—you’ll end up wandering aimlessly.

(This is why I say all transformational journeys follow the same basic path: raise AWARENESS, cultivate ACCEPTANCE, and then take inspired ACTION).

Let’s be clear: change will happen whether you like it or not. Life is fluid and constantly moving, so if you don’t actively engage with reality, you’ll end up being swept along by change that happens to you, rather than change you’ve CHOSEN (not that you can choose everything).

Sure, you might get lucky and stumble into something good, but is that enough? Or do you want to steer your life in a direction that aligns with your deeper aspirations and your REALNESS?

To do that, you must look at the fluid nature of reality – both around you and within you – and adapt accordingly. Life rewards those who are willing to keep up with it and to keep evolving. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending things aren’t changing is a surefire way to get left behind.

Brutal Honesty: The First Step to Freedom

Acceptance of reality requires a level of honesty that most of us would rather avoid (so they can keep their ego in place and avoid their SHADOW SELF).

And let’s not sugarcoat it: brutal honesty is uncomfortable. It forces us to confront not just the world as it is, but ourselves as we are.

This honesty goes beyond admitting to our weaknesses – it also means scrutinising our strengths.

Ask yourself:

Have I succeeded in certain areas because of my hard work, or did I just get lucky?
What areas of my life am I fooling myself over?
What’s never going to happen unless I step up my game?
What’s never going to happen even if I do step up my game?

These aren’t easy questions, but they’re necessary ones.

You can’t live a real life if you’re not being real with yourself.

Being brutally honest doesn’t mean you have to be brutally cruel. The goal isn’t to beat yourself up for your shortcomings or to dwell on your failures – instead, approach yourself with playful curiosity. Acknowledge the things you might not like about yourself, but do so with compassion and a willingness to explore.

Get to that sweetspot where you can CHALLENGE YOURSELF WITHOUT JUDGING YOURSELF.

The Balance Between Brutality and Tenderness

When you start to examine reality, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-judgement. You might find things you’re not proud of – habits you’ve clung to, fears you’ve avoided, or beliefs that no longer serve you. But here’s the secret: judgement doesn’t help because judgement is the opposite of ACCEPTANCE (which is all you can do with reality when you’re being REAL).

Instead of tearing yourself down, try looking at your flaws and failures with tenderness: recognise that being human means being imperfect. Nobody gets everything right all the time. Mistakes and shortcomings aren’t signs of failure – they’re signs that you’re alive, learning, and growing.

Think of it like this: if you were cleaning out a messy attic, you wouldn’t beat yourself up for finding cobwebs and dust. You’d simply get to work, deciding what to keep, what to toss, and what needs a bit of repair. Approach your inner world in the same way. Be curious about what you find, and take the necessary steps to clean things up without attaching shame or blame to the process.

This balance between brutal honesty and tender self-compassion is the sweet spot for growth. It allows you to see things as they truly are, without being paralysed by guilt or self-criticism.

Turning Towards Yourself

Before you can take on the world, you have to take on yourself.

Facing reality isn’t just about looking at external circumstances; it’s about turning inward and being honest about who you are, what you want, and what you’re capable of.

Ask yourself:

What am I avoiding?
What stories am I telling myself about why I can’t change?
What’s holding me back, and what am I willing to do about it?

These questions aren’t always fun to answer, but they’re necessary if you want to live a life that’s grounded in truth. The goal isn’t to become perfect – it’s to become real. And the realest version of yourself is the one that aligns with reality, not the one that clings to illusions fuelled by fear, pride, or misplaced desire.

The Freedom of Alignment with Reality

When you align yourself with reality, something incredible happens: life becomes lighter. You’re no longer fighting against the current, clinging to fantasies or resisting truths you don’t want to face. Instead, you’re flowing with the natural rhythms of life, making decisions based on what is rather than what you wish could be.

This doesn’t mean life becomes easy. There will still be challenges, setbacks, and moments of doubt but – when you’re aligned with reality – you have the tools to navigate those challenges with clarity and purpose. You’re not wasting energy fighting against the truth – you’re using it as a guide to go deeper into itself.

Reality is never the enemy. It’s the foundation. It’s the starting point for everything you want to create. And when you stop turning away from it and start embracing it, you open the door to true freedom. In a world where we’re constantly running from the truth you can see why so many of us feel enslaved… the only way out is to get REAL.

Playing with Reality

One of the most liberating shifts you can make is to approach reality with a sense of playfulness. Yes, life is serious, but it doesn’t always have to be so heavy. Even when you’re facing tough truths, try to keep a sense of curiosity and openness.

Instead of thinking, “Ugh, why am I like this?” try asking, “Hmm, isn’t it interesting that I’m like this? I wonder what I can learn from it.”

This playful curiosity takes the sting out of self-reflection. It reminds you that life is a journey, not a test you have to pass. You’re not here to be perfect – you’re here to grow, learn, and evolve so you can become REAL (to be a broken record).

Conclusion: The Power of Turning Towards Reality

The truth might be uncomfortable, but it’s never the enemy. Reality is your greatest teacher, offering you the tools and insights you need to make meaningful change. The key is to face it with courage, curiosity, and compassion.

Stop turning away from reality. Turn towards it at every opportunity – look at it squarely, even when it feels dark or messy. Be brutally honest with yourself, but balance that honesty with tenderness. Be playful and curious, and allow yourself the freedom to evolve without judgement.

Remember: You gotta be real to live real.

Reality may not always give you what you want, but it will always give you what you need to grow and move towards WHOLENESS. When you align yourself with it, you’re no longer at the mercy of change – you become the co-creator of it so you can become unstuck and life a life that’s worth living.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number thirteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.

It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.

This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).

Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.