by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Moving Beyond Ego to Create Real Value
This is one for the entrepreneurs, artists, and creators out there…
We’re often told that the key to a meaningful life is to “do what you love”. It sounds like pretty sage advice in many ways – after all, who wouldn’t want to build a career or lifestyle around their passions?
However, this romanticised notion often neglects a crucial reality: loving what you do doesn’t guarantee that others will find value in it.
If what you ‘love’ provides no solution to a real need in the world, your efforts may amount to little more than self-gratification and a mere extension of the EGO rather than anything REAL.
The short-version is focusing solely on personal passion without considering its relevance to others is ego-driven, and in the long run, it leads to stagnation and the creation of ‘meaningless’ work.
This article explores why aligning your passions with real needs, rather than ego-fuelled self-interest, is the key to creating meaningful impact and finding fulfilment in both personal and professional pursuits. When you understand this ‘stuff’ it can help you to do what you do better and to reach more people in the process.
It all comes down to the timeless mantra (on this website and in my books anyway): REAL ALWAYS WORKS.
The Ego’s Trap: Why ‘Doing What You Love’ May Not Be Enough
The ego loves the idea of self-expression for the sake of itself. This is because it thrives on the applause, validation, and approval of others for its very existence.
Motivations like these, however, are often short-lived because they are rooted in the desire to reinforce our self-concept instead of an actual experience of who we really are in our REALNESS. When we pursue what we love purely for personal gratification, without considering whether it meets a real need in the world, we risk creating something that is ultimately self-serving and hollow. This is because we’re only looking at it through the lens of illusory independence and separation rather than the deeper level of INTERDEPENDENCE (i.e. everything is connected to everything else).
Take, for instance, the idea of starting a business or creative project purely with the motivation of showcasing your talents or express your (self-professed) ‘genius’:
You may find a small audience who appreciates your novelty, but if your product or service doesn’t address a real problem or fulfil a genuine desire, it’s unlikely to create lasting value. The sad truth is that most people don’t care about your self-expression as much as you do – unless it connects to their lives in some REAL way.
This doesn’t mean that your passions are irrelevant – it simply means that they must be refined, reshaped, and aligned with the needs of others if they are to have any real significance ‘out there’ in the world. If it comes from a REAL place in yourself and you can find a way to make it REAL to others, then, ultimately, you’ve found the sweetspot.
Needs vs Self-Interest: Understanding the Difference
There’s an important distinction between self-interest and need:
Self-interest is what your ego wants others to want or need.
It’s about imposing your vision onto the world in the hope that others will recognise your brilliance and applaud it. Real need, on the other hand, is about stepping outside yourself to ask: What do people truly need or desire, and how can I serve them based on what’s REAL about me?
This distinction is critical in all areas of life that involve human relationships (so most of them!):
Self-interest centres around you – your ambitions, your preferences, your identity. Real need centres around others – their struggles, their challenges, and their aspirations.
To create real value, you must shift your perspective from self to service.
From Self-Gratification to Service: How to Find the Intersection of Passion and Need
You don’t have to abandon your passions to meet real needs – instead, you need to find a way to refine them so they can become valuable to others. This process requires brutal honesty and a willingness to let go of your ego-driven attachments but it’s worth the time and effort.
Here’s how you can start:
1. Ask What You Can Offer
Instead of asking, “What do I want others to want from me?” ask, “What can I offer that solves a problem or fulfils a need?”
This subtle shift in mindset transforms your actions from self-serving to service-oriented.
For example, if you’re a painter, don’t just paint what you love and expect the world to care – instead, think about how your art can evoke emotions, tell stories, or address cultural or societal themes that resonate with others. How do you want your work to make people more REAL?
2. Experiment and Adapt
Finding where your passions align with real needs is not a one-time exercise; it’s an iterative process. Experiment with different modes of delivery, listen to feedback, and be willing to adapt.
For instance, if you’re a writer, try different formats – blogging, novels, social media posts, or essays – and see what resonates most with your audience. Pay attention to the needs and desires they express and refine your work accordingly. Learn to listen out for their problems and then talk about this in your work (and help to start solving them).
3. Talk to People
True value emerges from genuine connection…
Talk to people, ask questions, and seek to understand their pain points and aspirations. This is the only way to ensure that what you offer is rooted in reality rather than your ego’s assumptions about people based on your own needs and projections.
4. Look at Yourself Objectively
Brutal self-honesty is essential. Take a hard look at your motivations. Are you creating something to feed your ego, or are you genuinely trying to make a difference (remembering the only true difference is helping people grow into a more REAL version of themselves)? The ability to distinguish between these two drivers is a hallmark of realness in whatever work you do.
The Paradox of Value: Giving Up to Gain
It may seem counterintuitive, but the more you let go of your ego-driven desires, the more fulfilling and impactful your work becomes. Why? Because focusing on meeting real needs allows you to transcend the limitations of self-interest and tap into something far bigger.
By aligning your passions with the needs of others, you create a feedback loop of value. The more value you provide, the more appreciation and fulfilment you receive in return – not as a primary goal, but as a natural by-product of putting some realness out into an unreal world.
Take the example of a musician who loves experimental jazz:
While this niche may not have mass appeal, the musician could adapt their passion by teaching others about improvisation, creating relatable content, or collaborating with artists in other genres. In doing so, they find ways to meet needs while staying true to their passion.
The Ego’s Resistance to Realness
Letting go of self-interest is no easy feat. The ego thrives on clinging to a fixed identity, even when that identity no longer serves you or others. It resists change because change threatens its sense of control and causes the SHADOW SELF to start emerging (which threatens the very foundation that the ego rests upon).
Clinging to your ego always comes at a cost – it keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-gratification, disconnected from the world around you. True freedom comes from recognising this resistance and choosing to move beyond it.
Start by questioning the narratives your ego tells you:
- “I have to stay true to my art, no matter what.”
- “If people don’t appreciate my work, it’s their problem, not mine.”
- “Success means being recognised for my brilliance.”
These narratives are often illusions that prevent you from evolving. Replace them with questions like:
- “How can I make my art more meaningful and REAL to others?”
- “What value can I provide that people genuinely need?”
- “How can I grow and adapt to better serve the world?”
Freedom in the Gap Between Passion and Need
Freedom exists in the gap between pursuing your passions and meeting real needs of people you can serve in a REAL way; it’s about finding the sweet spot where your deepest values align with the desires and struggles of others. This balance is the essence of realness – a way of living and working that is both authentic and impactful.
Living in this gap requires constant self-awareness and adaptability. You must be willing to let go of the outdated and ‘static’ (seeming) self-concepts of ego and embrace the ever-changing realities of the world around you in your own REALNESS. It’s not about abandoning your passions but about refining and reshaping them to create something truly valuable and interdependent.
Conclusion: Real Need is the Path to Real Value
The journey from self-interest to real need is a journey from ego to realness. It’s a journey that requires brutal honesty, adaptability, and a commitment to serving others.
By shifting your focus from “What do I want?” to “What do others need?” you open the door to creating lasting value. You align your passions with purpose, transcend the limitations of self-gratification, and find fulfilment in the act of service.
In the end, the applause, appreciation, and approval you seek will come – not as the main goal in an attempt to fill the Void, but as the natural by-products of living in alignment with real need.
Stay real out there,
*Based on ‘Revolution’ number fifteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
It has monthly, weekly, and daily (morning and evening) check-ins, tools and reflections to keep you in the zone and keep you flowing with zest and momentum.
If you want to get unstuck and grow REAL then check it out.
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