by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Getting back into the unforced rhythms of REAL life.
Men these days are constantly and consistently bombarded with so many unreal distractions that pull them away from their natural rhythms and deeper sense of REAL purpose:
Whether it’s overstimulation through technology like social media and pornography, to a culture that promotes instant gratification and having every need ‘met’ as soon as it arises, it’s not really a massive surprise that so many men out there feel drained, fragmented, and disconnected from themselves.
But what if there was a way to reclaim your energy, focus, and presence – one that goes beyond superficial ‘self-improvement’ and taps into something deeper?
Oh, wait, there is – it’s called “Semen Retention” (stay with me if you haven’t heard of this before – talking about things like ‘semen’ is always a bit of a sensitive topic but it’s also one of the most powerful things you can learn about as a man).
Semen retention is not just about abstinence – it’s powerful tool for transformation:
It allows men to step out of unconscious patterns, regulate their nervous system, and channel their energy into something REAL. Much more than just a ‘practice’ it’s a LIFESTYLE CHOICE that serves as a means of moving from fragmentation to wholeness and from a reactionary and empty existence to a purposeful life.
This article explores why semen retention works and some of the benefits that it can bring to your life as a man.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Balancing the Nervous System: The Key to Real Success
A dysregulated nervous system is the hidden enemy of success and it’s one of the most common problems in the world (that most people don’t even know about).
The main problem when it comes to the nervous system is to have what’s known as sympathetic dominance – this means that the part of your nervous system responsible for putting you in fight-or-flight mode (your sympathetic nervous system) is overly-activated and stimulated so much so that the part of your nervous system responsible for helping you relax and enjoy life (the parasympathetic nervous system) doesn’t work when it needs to.
This kind of sympathetic dominance just keeps you in a state of ‘high-alert’ where you’re constantly on edge and filled with tension. This can bring all kinds of physical and mental symptoms that hold you back from your REAL life and also affect the way you identify with yourself and relate to others on a long enough timeline (because you start to think that these ‘symptoms’ – irritability, anxiety, depression, etc. etc. etc. – are just ‘You’).
The main downside is that when you’re constantly in a state of fight-or-flight, your body burns through its energy reserves, keeping you on edge, exhausted, and reactive. Most men don’t realise that their perpetual fatigue, stress, anxiety, or the tendency to see threats where none exist is linked to deeper issues with the nervous system and how we relate to ourselves at the level of the body.
Semen retention helps to restore balance to the whole mind-body system by reducing nervous system overstimulation:
Instead of depleting yourself through unconscious habits and identities, you allow your body to settle into a more relaxed state (because the parasympathetic nervous system is activated when it needs to be) – making it easier to focus, take action, and stay resilient in the face of challenges.
In short, when you’re not burning through your life force energy unnecessarily, you give yourself a greater chance of success – not just externally, but also internally.
Returning to Life’s Natural Rhythms
There’s an important difference between forcing life and flowing with it:
When you break free from the habit of ejaculation for its own sake – whether through mindless masturbation or meaningless sex – you stop manipulating and disturbing your body’s natural state and begin to move with reality instead of against it. This allows you to start TRUSTING your body to flow with life instead of forcing it to do things it doesn’t need to do because your mind is disturbed and needs an outlet.
This is what Jesus referred to as “the unforced rhythms of grace” (in a modern translation of the Bible called ‘The Message’): Your body and mind begin to align with something real rather than being hijacked by urges and conditioned behaviours (which are always caused by filtering your bodily instincts through the Ego instead of being present and acting on something REAL).
Instead, by training yourself to take control of your body and practise semen retention, you can learn to act from clarity instead of from compulsion. This puts you in a state where you can take REAL ACTION and become one with life rather than take UNREAL ACTION and take yourself out of life.
In short, when you stop feeding bodily habits through identity (ego), you create space for something higher and much more REAL:
You are no longer dictated by old programming and the habits and distractions that stem from this programming but are free to make conscious choices that serve your real self (your REALNESS), rather than a false version of EGO that is simply a collection of habits and conditioned reactions to unresolved, underlying emotional ‘stuff’ (usually SHAME which is what disconnects us from life and truth in the first place).
A Natural Reservoir of Energy for Your Vision
The bottom line is that every man on the planet has a limited amount of energy but, unfortunately, most spend it wastefully, scattering it in all directions, with no real purpose or intent.
Semen retention helps to create and maintain a natural reservoir of energy that you can tap into and use in order to move towards your purpose and to smash through your goals.
There is one caveat, however and it’s this:
Without direction, that reservoir of energy can become a source of frustration rather than power.
This is because if you do semen retention without a conscious awareness of your REAL purpose, you’ll likely feel restless, irritable, and ungrounded. This is because energy is meant to be transmuted – channelled into something that makes you more real whilst also making the world around you more real.
This is why it’s crucial to have a vision and purpose that you are actively working towards and that keeps challenging and stretching you to go deeper into your own REALNESS. When you direct your retained energy into meaningful pursuits, you cultivate strength, drive, and real momentum that allows you to keep growing and evolving.
Without this sense of purpose, however, your energy will likely turn against you and you’ll become filled with friction, frustration, and misery as you don’t have a creative outlet for what’s inside you.
This is why it’s important to remember that semen retention isn’t the end goal – it’s the tool that fuels your mission towards the realisation of your vision. Used correctly, it will give you the stamina, clarity, and willpower to build something meaningful but – without REAL vision – that same energy can turn against you, making you feel like a caged animal with nowhere to go.
(Writing this so you know what to expect should you take this path).
Confidence, Presence, and Nervous System Regulation
Semen retention can help you to increase your confidence but it’s also a reminder that confidence isn’t something you fake – it’s something that emerges naturally when your body, mind, and nervous system are fully aligned and you’re taking REAL ACTION (which is where confidence comes from: action, not thinking).
In polyvagal theory (PVT) – another theory about nervous system regulation that focuses on toning the vagal nerve – true confidence comes from being in the ventral vagal state – a calm, engaged, and responsive mode of being where you are fully present. When you stop unnaturally draining your energy because of ego ‘stuff’, your nervous system becomes more regulated, allowing you to respond to life instead of reacting impulsively. This creates a deep, unshakable sense of presence that people can feel (which is why so many people who practise semen retention talk about the kind of animal magnetism and attraction they feel from others).
This kind of deep confidence isn’t about external bravado – it’s about knowing that you can handle whatever life throws at you without being thrown off-centre because you can TRUST yourself and life (you can do your best (trust yourself to act) and let go of the rest (let life handle the rest)).
In short, when you stop seeking cheap dopamine hits and wasting your semen, you become grounded in real stability, making you more magnetic, more capable, and more real.
Dissolving Shame and Connecting to Something Higher
The main reason that men (or women) fall into addictive habits is because of a sense of underlying SHAME (the unreal belief that they’re not good enough which causes them to become disconnected from the TRUTH).
In relation to what we’re talking about in this article, shame is the invisible force that keeps men small; it’s what drives compulsive behaviours, fuels insecurities, and keeps people stuck in cycles of self-sabotage.
To make things even worse, most men don’t even realise they’re carrying it and being DRIVEN by it.
Semen retention acts as a mirror because it starts to reveal the hidden shame that may have been lurking beneath the surface so that some HEALING can begin and the fragmented self that was created by SHAME can be replaced by something WHOLE and REAL.
An unspoken truth is that many men feel, shame, guilt, or unease around wasting their semen, even if they can’t articulate why. This is because, on some level, they know they are leaking something valuable and precious – not just physically, but energetically.
By breaking free from compulsive sexual habits, you allow that shame to start dissolving:
As it does, you begin to transcend the ego and connect to something greater – whether you call it God, love, truth, or reality itself. When shame is no longer blocking the way (and the ego that you created because of this shame), you can experience a deeper flow state, where you move with life rather than against it in the presence of this higher TRUTH.
Semen retention isn’t just about holding back – it’s about reclaiming something that has been lost behind the web of unreal thoughts that blocked your view of life because of unresolved SHAME. It’s about stepping into a version of yourself that is free from unnecessary shame and fully alive in the present moment.
It’s about being REAL again.
Facing the Shadow Self: The Real Work
Many men use ejaculation as a coping device – a way to escape, numb, or distract themselves from the deeper issues caused by underlying shame. When that crutch is removed, something uncomfortable but ultimately beautiful happens: you are forced to confront yourself.
This is where shadow integration begins.
Your Shadow Self is the part of you that you’ve rejected, suppressed, or denied – usually because of shame (but also commonly because of guilt and/or trauma). It hides behind your EGO – the ‘false’ version of yourself that was created so you could handle yourself in the world despite whatever originally shamed you in the world and made you feel like you had to hide ‘parts’ of your own REALNESS.
When you remove the distraction of compulsive sexual habits that lead to wasted semen, you come face-to-face with two very important things:
- Your hidden emotional baggage – unresolved pain, childhood wounds, or insecurities you’ve buried down in the Shadow Territory.
- Your unreal beliefs and identities – false narratives you’ve told yourself to avoid the discomfort of facing the truth and to keep the Ego in place.
Semen retention forces you to wrestle with these things because it removes the coping mechanisms that kept you from facing the truth about yourself. At first, this will probably be incredibly uncomfortable and your mind will try to pull you back into old habits where you feel ‘safe’ (despite not wanting to be there because of all of the symptoms of nervous system dysregulation and ego) but – if you push through – you will eventually integrate the lost shadow ‘parts’ of yourself and become whole again.
When you face your shadow, you stop living through the Ego and start living through truth. This is why semen retention is not just about ‘discipline’ or even about just getting more ‘energy’ – it’s about becoming real.
Ancient Wisdom: Semen Retention in Spiritual Traditions
Semen retention is not a new concept (though it’s becoming more-and-more popular as people find out the benefits of this practice):
For thousands of years, spiritual traditions all around the planet have recognised the power of conserving and consciously directing sexual energy into something real – throughout the ages, sages, yogis, and mystics have all taught that retaining and transmuting sexual energy leads to greater vitality, mental clarity, and even spiritual awakening.
Here are some examples as food for thought:
Taoism: Cultivating Jing into Shen
In Taoist philosophy, semen is seen as Jing, the essential life force that fuels vitality, longevity, and the journey towards higher consciousness.
Taoist masters taught that frequent ejaculation depletes this energy, leading to weakness and premature ageing. However, when retained and transmuted through practices like Qi Gong and breathwork, Jing is refined into Qi (life energy) and eventually into Shen (spiritual energy) which allows for much higher states of awareness.
The Taoists didn’t advocate for complete celibacy but rather for conscious control over ejaculation, ensuring that sexual energy was preserved and channelled into creative and spiritual pursuits rather than being wasted and bringing friction, frustration, and misery into our lives.
Yoga & Tantra: Brahmacharya and Kundalini Awakening
In yogic traditions, semen retention is closely linked to Brahmacharya, one of the five Yamas (ethical disciplines) in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.
Traditionally, Brahmacharya meant celibacy, but in a broader sense, it refers to self-mastery over sexual energy and connecting to the infinite – using it to fuel higher states of awareness rather than dissipating it through indulgence.
In Tantra and Kundalini Yoga, semen is seen as a concentrated form of life force (Ojas) that, when retained and properly harnessed, can awaken Kundalini energy – the dormant spiritual power within; this energy rises through the chakras, leading to heightened intuition, self-realisation, and enlightenment.
Many yogis claim that excessive ejaculation weakens the mind and body, whereas conservation leads to enhanced willpower, focus, and a deep inner radiance (which is why so many retainers are said to have an ‘inner glow’).
Christian Mysticism: The Power of Purity
In Christian monastic traditions, celibacy was often practised not as repression, but as a means to focus energy on devotion and divine connection:
Many mystics and saints spoke of the power of self-restraint, viewing sexual energy as something that, when mastered, could lead to higher states of grace and wisdom.
Jesus himself taught the importance of living in alignment with truth rather than being enslaved by the desires of the flesh. The idea was not to deny sexuality but to transform it into something greater – a force that could be channelled into service, love, and divine communion.
Sufism & Islamic Teachings: Energy as a Sacred Trust
In Islamic teachings, moderation in sexual activity is encouraged, and excessive indulgence is seen as something that weakens both body and soul:
Many Sufi mystics believed that sexual energy was a sacred trust from God, meant to be honoured and used wisely (everything has an OPPORTUNITY COST, after all); they saw the reckless release of this energy as something that could cloud the mind, weaken spiritual discipline, and disconnect a person from divine presence.
Some Sufi practices involve redirecting sexual energy through dhikr (spiritual remembrance), fasting, and meditation – ensuring that it fuels inner transformation that can lead to a taste of divinity, rather than worldly distractions.
Why These Traditions Were Right
These ancient teachings all point to the same core truth about the human experience (and also remind us that human beings haven’t changed in thousands of years – even if the world around us has):
Sexual energy is a powerful force that, when consciously retained and directed, can lead to profound personal transformation.
When men scatter their energy through excessive and pointless ejaculation, they weaken not only their physical vitality but also their mental clarity and spiritual receptiveness. On the other hand, when this energy is conserved and transmuted, it strengthens the nervous system, sharpens the mind, and deepens the connection to reality so that we can be in the world without being OF the world.
Modern science is beginning to confirm what these traditions have taught for millennia – that semen retention can increase testosterone, improve focus, and enhance overall well-being but – even beyond the physical benefits – it provides something far greater: a pathway to wholeness and growing REAL.
The goal with retaining semen retention is not repression of sexual energy – sex is awesome, after all – but realignment:
When practised with awareness and purpose, semen attention allows men to stop living as slaves to their urges and instead step into their true power as REAL HUMAN BEINGS. It is a tool for mastery – not just over sexual energy but also the self and anything else that requires discipline and focus in this life we’re living.
Practical Implementation: How to Use Semen Retention as a Tool for REALNESS
If you want to use semen retention for real transformation, here are some tips for doing it effectively:
- Set a Real Goal – Don’t just retain semen for the sake of it – have a vision and actively work towards it.
- Transmute the Energy – Put your retained energy into your work, fitness, creativity, or spiritual growth. Keep finding your EDGE so that the energy doesn’t turn against you.
- Regulate Your Nervous System – Use tools like breathwork, cold exposure, and meditation to keep your energy balanced and to regulate your nervous system even more.
- Face Your Shadow – Journal, reflect, and allow any suppressed emotions to come to the surface. Check out these exercises to get started: 100 Shadow Work Exercises: Making the Unconscious Conscious & Growing Real
- Trust the Process – This isn’t about perfection; it’s about integration so don’t get caught in unrealistic expectations – just keep moving forward. If you ‘relapse’ then get back on the horse and keep riding towards that vision. Don’t look back.
The bottom line is that semen retention isn’t a magic bullet but it is a powerful tool.
Used correctly, it can help you dissolve shame, integrate your shadow, and grow into the man you were meant to be.
The key is not just to withhold – but to receive what is truly real by tuning back into your own natural rhythms.
Stay real out there,
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