real - Page 3

This is the Sign You’ve Been Waiting For to Walk Away from the BS Thing that Keeps Holding You Back.

Published on

Every so often, I like to remind people that a super power we all have is to say “NO”.

When you say “No” to something UNREAL then it frees you up to say “Yes” to the real stuff – your true values, your true intentions, your true purpose, and most importantly your TRUE SELF.

The problem for a lot of us is that we make a lot of the decisions about our lives and what we want to do with them based on an UNREAL IMAGE of ourselves:

-We don’t believe in ourselves so we CHOOSE jobs, relationships, or ‘friendships’ that aren’t healthy or satisfying.

-We don’t believe in the world so we think that we just have to follow our SOCIAL CONDITIONING and do what we’re TOLD.

-We don’t believe in reality so we don’t acknowledge that we can GROW REAL through a lot of our limitations (and when we can’t we can learn to ACCEPT and be more CREATIVE with these limitations).

When you make choices about your life from the UNREAL side of who you are (i.e. the EGO which is designed as a response to the Unholy Trinity of shame, guilt, and/or trauma and serves as a barrier to keep your SHADOW at bay – see Shadow Life: Freedom from Bs in an Unreal World) then what you get from life is equally UNREAL.

It’s pretty simple:

Unreal goes in -> Unreal comes out

Real goes in -> Real comes out

If you’re lucky enough to have something ‘bad’ happen or if you step up and do the WORK then you can start to go through the process of becoming aware of how the world you’ve CHOSEN is UNREAL:

Asleep -> Awareness -> Acceptance -> Action

If you stay ASLEEP you will feel the restless call of the void as your shadow calls to you from beneath the surface.

If you become AWARE you’ll start to feel frustrated at what you’ve CHOSEN for yourself.

If you start to ACCEPT you’ll understand why you made those choices and FORGIVE yourself.

If you accept you can start taking ACTION and the first step is to set the BOUNDARY by saying “NO” to the unreal stuff that doesn’t serve you.

Like anything, it’s a PROCESS – you might not just up and leave but you can CHECKOUT MENTALLY.

When you’ve done that the next step is to work on bringing the REAL STUFF and to keep walking.

No dramas, no stress, no malice.

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

Your Relationship isn’t a Substitute for the Parents You Never Had.

Published on

Your partner – or future partner – isn’t a substitute for your mummy and daddy.

It’s natural for our experience of ‘love’ to have been formulated in childhood by whatever our parents decided to pass down to us but ma and pa(ternal) love isn’t the same as romantic love.

Your partner is there to accept you at wherever you’re at and to grow REAL with you as they also grow into themselves and through whatever ‘stuff’ they have.

They don’t exist to be a substitute for mummy and daddy and to fix all of our childhood wounds or to fill whatever void you might have picked up (though they can definitely support you as you work to heal yourself in the container of the relationship as a whole).

As a human being, there are two general kinds of parents you can grow up under the ‘guidance’ of:

-Good Ones: Who will do their bests to love you UNCONDITIONALLY without letting their own ‘stuff’ get in the way of your growth.

-Bad Ones: Who will love you CONDITIONALLY because their own ‘stuff’ gets in the way and they want to mould you according to expectations formed because of their own unresolved and trapped emotions.

Of course, it’s not that black and white but it always ends up falling on some point along that basic continuum.

In both cases, healthy ADULT relationships don’t and CAN’T follow the patterns that you picked up in childhood:

In the case of unconditional love:

-Your partner can of course love you unconditionally but it won’t be the same as the love you got from your mother…

They probably won’t idolise you all the time, they might not wanna do your laundry and cook for you, or think that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread 24/7 (the closest you can get to that – bar the laundry and cooking – is to get a DOG).

In the case of the conditional stuff:

-Most adult relationships have some conditions: you normally have to have at least some of your shit together, you probably shouldn’t cheat, if you’re an ASSHOLE you can get dumped etc.

As an adult though you don’t have to accept conditions you don’t like, though. You have the power to WALK AWAY.

In short, adult love is about stepping away from ROLES and being both FREE and SECURE at the same time.

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

Love is a Destructive Force as Much as it is a Creative One

Published on

If you don’t believe in ‘true’ love, then I feel (a bit) sorry for you.

Yeah, I can be a bit cyncial and dark about the world sometimes but in the HEART of every cynic is somebody who’s tasted the TRUTH about life and either lost it or seen that the world is against it.

We can all taste the FRUIT of truth in various ways in our lives – finding the edge, dancing with loss, getting close to death, or just having conversations that bring moments of insight that make us go ‘aha’ and blow our minds a little more.

For most of us, though, the realest thing we’ll experience in our lifetimes is LOVE – when you find that somebody who actually opens doors…not just to life itself but to you and your own REALNESS.

They don’t even need to try that hard…it just kinda happens in the animal MAGNETISM and state of PRESENCE that exists between you.

When you’re in love the world seems like a totally different and BETTER place… The cynics like me might say that it’s only because you’re INFATUATED and so you’re not seeing yourself, the world, or reality clearly – you’re just filtering everything through the distortions of all that OXYTOCIN (the ‘love’ hormone).

You’re not, though, you’re seeing things as they really are and life as it truly is because love UNBLOCKS you and distances you from your own BULLSHIT.

People also say that “love hurts” but that’s BULLSHIT too – love can NEVER hurt because love is just a connection to the TRUTH and the truth is always the source of all comfort and JOY in our lives.

The thing that ‘hurts’ is the journey back to the truth as we go through the process of LOSING OUR ILLUSIONS and trying to cling to them.

This is why love is both creative and destructive:

It’s creative because it connects you to TRUTH which is the source of all creation.

It’s destructive because your journey back to the truth is limited by your attachement to and DEFENSE of your illusions.

The more you cling, the worse it gets – this is why people become cynical and anti-love: because they went in with their EGO and not what’s real about them (which can only lead to DRAMA).

May you kill you inner cynics and grow REAL.

?

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

You Don’t Need to Force Anything to Get Where You Need to Be

Published on

Forcing life to happen in the way that you want it to happen is alway UNREAL.

In real life and nature, NOTHING is forced:

-The grasss doesn’t force itself to grow.

-The trees don’t force themselves to produce fruit or to blow in the wind.

-The clouds don’t force themselves to burst open when it’s time to let the rains out.

-The birds don’t have to force themselves to fly away for the winter.

Everything just happens exactly when it’s supposed to happen – in fact, you could go even further than that and say that it’s beyond any idea of ‘supposed to’ and more accurately we can say “stuff just happens”.

The problem – or difference – of course, is that all of these natural phenomena haven’t been blessed with the ‘extra’, higher-level faculties that human beings have:

-They don’t have human reason.

-They don’t have human drives.

-They don’t have human fears, prides, or desires.

-They don’t have human tendencies to compare or to resist.

-Etc.

All of these things are part of our human NATURE but – if misused – they take us away from nature and life at the same time.

The way we ‘misuse’ them is by using them to turn away from the nature of ourselves and reality and towards the fragmentations and divisions of ‘the world’ (really, just a set of ideas that we project over the truth because of our individual and collective ‘stuff’).

When we turn away like this, we forget that we are CONNECTED to nature and its natural processes and we start to think that we’re of the world alone (which is never reality or nature because those things aren’t just ideas – they’re experiences).

The more attached we become to the world, the more our identity becomes invested in the things that we need to happen in the world to keep that identity in place.

The more we need the world to be real, the more we try and FORCE the things we want in the world to happen – every time we do this, though, we make the choice for fragmentation over wholeness and disconnect ourselves from the process of letting things HAPPEN.

Step back from the world, admit you don’t know everything, and let NATURE work with you.

As the tree brings forth fruit so shall you.

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

Everything is the Best Thing that Ever Happened to You.

Published on
/

This is a bitter pill to swallow but life is absolutely amazing.

Somehow – against all the odds – you managed to win the cosmic battle and to end up in a MEAT SUIT (but don’t worry, your body is nothing without you) on a habitable planet 93,000,000 million miles away from a ball of fire, spinning around at 1000mph, and getting to be AWARE of the whole experience.

Yeah, you’re gonna die one day but actually that’s just frickin’ amazing too because it means that EVERY single moment of your life is just a thread in the tapestry of consciousness and that – as you get closer to the end – each moment becomes even more PRECIOUS in its rarity.

The odds of you being here breathing and flowing and growing with life are literally ASTRONOMICAL – you’re connected to everything and everything’s connected with yout and then….poof: you become one with it.

We can easily forget all the things that we’re BLESSED with because we get DRAGGED into the clown world day-after-day:

-Sleepwalking politicians that lie and dodder in their old age as ASLEEP as they’ve always been.

-Drama and BS from economic GRUNTS that believe all the BS that created them (media, education system, ‘society’, movies and TV, etc).

-The ‘System’ that some how convinced you you’re here to work 9-5 until you’re 70 and then enjoy a few years of retirement.

None of that stuff is ‘REAL’.

Your REAL LIFE is who you are when you look at that sunset.

It’s who you are when you MAKE LOVE to somebody you care it about.

It’s the version of you that’s laughing your ass off so much your belly hurts and you have tears streaming down your face.

It’s you when you’re on FIRE and your soul is ABLAZE because you’re in the zone and your identity has been cast aside with all fear and you flow like a goddam force of NATURE.

The thing is – despite the cage of the CLOWN WORLD and all its BS – EVERYTHING that ever happens in your life is the best thing that happened to you.

Everything that happens – heartbreak, BS, loss, WHATEVER – is a lesson in ACCEPTANCE and the only thing you can ever accept is that you’re HERE, you’re NOW, and that you’re ALIVE.

Stop resisting and start ACCEPTING – because life is AWESOME.

 

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

Obsession Will Send You to the Nut House but Devotion Will Take You Home

Published on
/

Nothing in this world is worth being obsessed over.

The word ‘obsess’ goes back to late Middle English when it meant to be “haunted or possessed by an evil spirit”.

Maybe that’s still an apt description because when people are caught up in the throes of obsession not only do they lose themselves and their minds but they’ve also given themselves over to some dark power in themselves.

Obsession is UNREAL because it always has the EGO involved – in other words, the only reason anybody would be obsessed with anything is because of some FALSE IMAGE of themselves, the world, or reality.

The ‘evil spirits’ driving this obsession are usually just our unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ (in the form of shame, guilt, and or trauma and the FEAR and/or ANGER that accompanies these demons).

If you’re OBSESSED with something it means that you’re denying parts of yourself (because they’re hidden in your SHADOW) and so you project out certain qualities or ambitions onto the object of your obsession (aka ‘a Unicorn’ – see my book Shadow Life).

The most common things people become obsessed with are:

-Other people, especially in RELATIONSHIPS where we trick ourselves into thinking somebody is the answer to all our prayers (really just our ego’s way of protecting it’s illusions so we don’t have to grow through shadow) instead of growing REAL with them.

-Our own goals, because we’ve become OUTCOME-DEPENDENT and think we can only love ourselves if we attain whatever that goal is.

-The past, because we haven’t been able to find CONCEPTUAL closure and so our brain races around as the demons feed on our energy.

-Certain hobbies or material objects, because we’ve lost touch with our true sense of PURPOSE and need a substitute.

Any OBSESSION will eventually drive you CRAZY because it’s unreal.

If you wanna be REAL, you need to find a relationship, goal, or sense of purpose that you can be DEVOTED to.

The word ‘devotion’ means to make HOLY (WHOLE).

If the ego is made of FRAGMENTS then obsession is just about being further DIVIDED and detached from life because obsession is ego to the extreme.

Devotion is about dedicating yourself to what’s WHOLE in yourself, the world, and REALITY.

 

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

 

You might be interested in

You’re Either Real or Unreal: There is No In Between

Published on
/

Self-confidence comes from having a relationship with something bigger than yourself:

-It might be a mission or a set of values that gives you strength (or at least takes your mind off thinking all the time).

-It might be a sense of CONNECTION to everything else in the form of love, God, source, divinity or whatever else you wanna call that ‘spiritual’ side of life (which is REAL af).

-It might be a sense of DUTY or SERVICE to some cause that you care about like your family or your country or whatever else.

In all these cases – and any like them – your confidence comes from being CARRIED OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF and realising that it’s never your ideas about ‘YOU’ that give you anything but the things that ask you to step outside your ideas.

The reason it works like this is because your ideas about yourself, the world, and reality are always UNREAL because no idea can truly encapsulate the feeling of being ALIVE.

When we’re caught up in the day-to-day hustle and bustle busyness of our lives we can forget this and start to think that we live at different levels of REALNESS or UNREALNESS depending on what we’re doing with ourselves.

The truth, however, is that WE’RE ALWAYS REAL because what is real can never be added to, removed from, destroyed or healed (with some ‘self development journey’, for example).

The problem is that we can forget this and think that we need to fix ourselves or others (or blame them) and to do this we try and FORCE ourselves to have confidence in ourselves.

This hardly ever works, though, because trying to find confidence in yourself means trying to find confidence in IDEAS and ideas are never REAL.

When you find something bigger than just your ideas about who you are to give you confidence then you STEP OUT of the illusion of self and remind yourself of your own REALNESS.

This is because you start MOVING again instead of being locked in STATIC ideas and become connected to the flow again…

What is real is always real and it always MOVES – this applies to ‘YOU’ too:

You’re either moving with something bigger than you that’s REAL or you’re lost in UNREAL ideas about yourself, the world, and reality.

There is no in between.

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

If You Judge Another, You Judge Yourself

Published on
/

Life is just a goddam trip.

You come screaming out of the womb, get slapped (in most cases) to see if you can cry (they want you to fit in), and then you’re pumped through an economic system of education to be conditioned as one of the herd.

If you’re lucky, you can find a station in life that you can tolerate with people that don’t annoy you TOO much; if you’re not, you spend your days slaving away at some meaningless task you don’t really care about before you die.

Yeah, it’s a trip.

To top it all off, nobody really KNOWS how the hell we ended up here or what the point of it all is.

You can go MAD just trying to survive and that’s exactly what happens to most people – their wits start to ERODE and the pressure drives them madder with each passing year.

The thing that we sometimes need to remind ourselves of is that “WE’RE ALL IN THIS ‘LIFE’ THING TOGETHER.”

-That family member you’ve got that’s always talking about nutty theories or got some scheme on the go?

Yeah, they’re dealing with the same existential crap as the rest of us.

-Those upstairs neighbours that (try to) juggle bricks and stomp around in stilts at 3am in the morning?

Yeah, that’s just how they’re finding some MEANING amidst all the absurdity.

-That lunatic you know who’s always threatening to beat everybody up (but never does)?

Yeah, that’s just a way of COPING with whatever the hell they’ve been through that led them here.

The POINT is that EVERYBODY is going through or has been through something because that’s what makes us HUMAN.

If you’re scared of facing your own ‘stuff’ then your tendency might be to JUDGE the other people that are going through ‘it’ with you but if you do that you only end up JUDGING YOURSELF.

If you BELIEVE it’s possible to JUDGE somebody else then it means you BELIEVE it’s possible for you to be judged too because you believe in the VALIDITY of judgement.

No human can judge anything accurately because all judgement is about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ but nothing is that simple.

When you judge you enter the realm of DUALITY and take yourself away from the truth about yourself and others: WHOLENESS.

All judgement is unreal and you become unreal when you judge.

Believe you can’t be judged (because you can’t be) but accept that means that nobody else can be either – whatever one of us is in truth, we all are.

 

 

I’m trying to make sure my emails are REAL. Enter your email address below if you want to read them.

You’ll get a free PDF of my Lifestyle Design Canvas when you do (a tool for looking at your life and where you wanna go next):

[instagram-feed]

You might be interested in

1 2 3