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A Lot of Miserable People Are Just Looking for Love Instead of Giving It.

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Everybody wants to be ‘seen’.

That’s just the way human beings are – they need to feel that they ‘belong’ and that the world understands them at some REAL level so that all of the pain and the BS of being born is WORTH IT.

What a lot of people don’t get, though, is that the easiest way to be ‘seen’ is to SHOW OTHERS that you SEE them…

When you can do that it shows that you can peek from behind all of the UNREAL ‘stuff’ or masks that most people are hiding behind and that you can take a place in the world that’s ROOTED in something REAL.

When people become lost and feel like they haven’t been ‘seen’ for a long time then they can start to lose their minds:

-They become bitter and malevolent, frustrated that the world is neglecting them.

-They start screaming out and acting out for ATTENTION because they think it’s the same as the love they feel is lacking.

-They put their walls up and turn their ego into a fortress to protect them from anything that goes against how they want to ‘see’ themselves.

-They start unnecessary DRAMA for the sake of pulling people into a vortex that might give them at least a glimpse of something real (buut rarely ever does because drama is always unreal).

The TRUTH is that any attempts to demand that the world ‘see’ you without opening your eyes and attempting to see it first are FUTILE.

“We don’t see the world as it is but as we ARE”

If you’re looking to be ‘seen’ without first seeing yourself then you’ll always be BLIND and the world will be filled with darkness.

To be REAL, you have to COMMIT to the TRUTH that what is WHOLE in one of us is whole in ALL of us because everything is connected and we share more similarities than differences.

If you want the world to ‘see’ you then you need to DEVOTE yourself to seeing what’s REAL about it – even when things get hard or when the world of ideas and fragmentation starts to SHAKE you from yourself.

Love and ACCEPTANCE are the same thing… Just because you don’t ‘see’ it or feel ‘seen’ doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The truth is the truth and is ALWAYS true.

Sometimes, you’ve just blocked yourself from seeing it but all you need to do is to open your eyes and GIVE it.

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Refuse to Feel ‘Guilty’ for Growin Real.

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The only people who don’t want you to grow real are people that are UNREAL.

This is because being REAL is about unblocking ourselves from the matrix of our own BS – such as self-limiting beliefs, unreal expectations of ourselves and others, emotionally-distored perspectives, attachments to opinions blah blah – so that we can simply MOVE and grow through our own edge and go deeper into a relationship with the TRUTH.

Unreal people have FRAGMENTED and divided themselves within themselves and so they have attached to all this BS and even gone so far as to think that they ARE the BS.

When they see somebody doing the INNER WORK to flip the script and put their WHOLENESS out into the world – instead of allowing the world to suppress them and to EXTINGUISH the torch of the human spirit – a couple of things happen:

1. They start to lash out because the REAL QUALITIES that are being expressed in the REAL ONE trigger their ‘Shadow Stuff‘ and all of the real qualities they’re trying to hide from themselves for the sake of their EGOs start calling to them from beneath the surface of themselves.

2. They will try and TEST the REAL ONE to see if they’re as real as they seem to think they are… This is weird when it first starts happening but it’s a good sign as it means the unreal have seen your realness and can’t quite believe it.

These ‘tests’ will be about trying to SHAKE you in some way – just believe in your REALNESS and refuse to waver (there’s nothing to ‘worry’ about anyway as all they can give you is UNREALITY).

3. They will try and make you feel GUILTY and to force you into certain ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving in the world (based on ROLES they want you to play so they can keep their unreality’s hold over them).

Here, they will tell you what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ think/feel/do based – usually – on how it’s making them ‘feel’ (normally because they’re playing the VICTIM and trying to make you and them believe that somebody else is responsible for their emotional ‘stuff’).

You need to remember that all of this is just the WORLD trying to suck you back into its unreality.

Guilt is a useless emotion but reality is FOREVER.

Be unshakeable.

I can help you reach your goals and grow real.

 

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If Your ‘Confidence’ is Based On Feeling Superior It Can Always be Taken Away

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There’s a difference between REAL and unreal confidence.

REAL is about KNOWING you’re unshakeable because you’ve found a way to be ROOTED in yourself and reality and devoted yourself to some TRUTH about life that’s ‘higher’ than just your limited ideas about ‘You’.

When you’re rooted to the WHOLE in that way you understand who you are and what life is (and the connection between you and live itself) and nothing can ever take that away. Never.

It can’t be taken because it’s not DEPENDENT on anything – it’s just about acknowledging what’s already there, riding those REALITY WAVES, and trusting and believing (trust that life has your best interests at heart and belief in yourself and your ability to handle whatever happens).

This kind of real confidence, then, essentially comes from doing the INNER WORK, and cultivating UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE (see my book Shadow Life which is about this).

“Unconditional Self-Acceptance” just means that you accept yourself NO MATTER WHAT and that you commit to working with and growing through whatever life flings your way.

When you take the opposite path – i.e. the EGO PATH – then your confidence isn’t based on unconditional self-acceptance but CONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

Whereas Unconditional Self-Acceptance comes from the INSIDE, Conditional Self-Acceptance comes from the outside.

Conditional Self-Acceptance (aka ‘Self-Esteem’) means that you’re feelings about yourself are DEPENDENT on the image you carry of yourself in the WORLD (even though the world isn’t real).

For most people, this shows up as feelings of ‘SUPERIORITY’ – for example, being able to see ourselves as being ‘better’ than other people in our group or surroundings because of some completely (usually) superficial and arbitrary quality or thing:

-Being the most handsome/beautiful/attractive

-Having more money/followers/likes

-Being the funniest/toughest/purest/whateverest

-Etc.

There’s nothing wrong with HEALTHY COMPETITION (Iron sharpens iron) but if you’re confidence only comes from external stuff it can NEVER last because CONDITIONS always change – somebody will always be more ‘superior’ eventually.

Step inside and stand on something REAL.

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Everything You’ve Been Through Was to Prepare You to Be Real Right Now.

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There are many mysteries about this place (aka ‘The World’) but one thing’s for sure:

Everything that either happens to you or that you make happen is a TEST of your REALNESS.

We’re ALL real but we can spend a lot of our time forgetting it:

-Some will wake up to their REALNESS when they’re young (usually because of some trauma or some incident that causes them to DEVIATE from the unreal path society asked them to walk and get back into the REAL MODE).

-Some will wake up when they’re a bit older (either because they started asking QUESTIONS, because they went through a great LOSS of some kind, or because they had some kind of ‘spiritual’ experience that broke them out of their minds a little).

-Some NEVER wake up – even though their REALNESS calls to them from beneath the surface their whole lives long – because they don’t know how to LISTEN or because all of the NOISE in the head is so LOUD it drowns out any hint of ‘insanity’.

Regardless of if it does or doesn’t happen the immortal truth about ‘You’ is always the same:

WHAT’S REAL ABOUT YOU IS ALWAYS REAL AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

Everything you can want from life – the joy, the bliss, the creativity – it’s there waiting for you whenever you’re READY…. and the best thing is you don’t even have to DO anything except just allow yourself to be OPEN to yourself and the light you’ll find when you face your own DARKNESS.

Whoever, wherever, whatever you ARE, everything happens and can only happen when it’s READY to happen – whatever you’ve been through in life has just been a TRAINING GROUND for the moment in front of you RIGHT NOW.

All of the pain you might have endured; all of the doubts you might have had about yourself, the world, and reality; every moment of joy, every moment of release, every moment when you felt like you ‘got it’ and felt HIGH ON LIFE only for the world to creeep in again…

EVERYTHING you’ve been through has just been sent to you from the SHADOWS of yourself to CLEANSE and to TEACH you what you needed to know to be who you are RIGHT NOW.

The only CHOICE you need to make in the moment is this:

“Am I ready to be REAL or do I need to keep hiding?”

There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer.

 

If you’re ready to step into your realness get in touch with me about my life coaching packages.#

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Only Trust Them If They’re (At Least) A Little Crazy.

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It’s not the ‘crazy’ ones that you need to watch out for.

It’s the ones who think they’ve got all the answers and got it all ‘together’ that you need to watch out for.

The TRUTH is that all human beings are at least a LITTLE bit CRAZY because we all have chaos inside of ourselves, none of us know everything, and we’re all IMPERFECT in strange and BEAUTIFUL ways.

To be REAL and to be able to RELATE to others on the LEVEL then we need to ACCEPT ourselves unconditionally and that means embracing all of our darknesses and chaotic undercurrents – even if that might appear ‘CRAZY’ in the face of an UNREAL WORLD.

Being real is about ACCEPTING and EMBRACING the truth – beyond any ideas of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – and so that means that we know we’re on a journey of allowing those REALITY WAVES to purify us through the act of living which means bringing the darkness and irrationality that exists within us ALL up to the surface in service of life.

The BIG BALLS move is to go through this process as part of our personal JOURNEY of growing real by and doing the INNER WORK required to allow the darkness to come to light in the face of our own CONSCIOUS AWARENESS without judgement or duality.

The BAD BALLS move is to find a way to express what you’re LEARNING and going through on this journey out in the world around you with your CREATIVITY and the way that you use it to speak you truth in the world.

Or as we’ve said before – do this:

1. Live to uncover the truth.

2. Act on this truth (by sharing and living it).

To live in this real way means that you are not ‘OF’ the world – the world is just our COLLECTIVE ideas and limitations about life according to whatever TIME AND PLACE we find ourselves in but what is REAL about you is UNIVERSAL and TIMELESS.

When you come from that UNIVERSAL PLACE in a world defined by its time then, of course, you run the risk of seeming a little ‘crazy’ but that’s only because you’re not letting the prison bars stop you from being FREE.

If you meet somebody claiming they have it all together or doesn’t have any rawness or rough edges then RUN – not only are they hiding from yoou but they’re hiding from themselves.

GIMME SOMETHING REAL OR GTFO.

 

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A Shout-out to All the Fake Friends, Haters, and Doubters for Making Us More Real than We Ever Imagined.

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The World isn’t reality but it can be used to TEST how REAL you are.

You might think that you’ve found something real or whole in yourself and that you’re ROOTED in a solid connection to the truth but every day something is gonna put your REALNESS to the test and see you’re fooling yourself or not.

The bottom line is that in an UNREAL world, the more real you become the more you’ll be tested – especially by UNREAL people.

Some will come with their best intentions and an ABUNDANCE mindset – in other words, they know that’s what’s good for one of us is good for us all and they’ll want you to GROW REAL and go even more deeply into yourself and your real potential.

These people are the REAL ONES too – real recognises real and so they’ll CALL YOU OUT on your own BS with love because they want you to maximise your potential and your capacity to be OPEN to life and all it has to offer.

When the real ones call you out or question you it’s precisely because they want you to GROW and because they can already envisage your next level if you just get out of your head and into the TRUTH about yourself.

We all NEED people like this in our lives – IRON SHARPENS IRON and TOUGH LOVE with good intentions can help you be more real.

Thankfully, there’s another kind of feedback we can get from the world which comes from UNREAL people – instead of wanting you to GROW, these people want to HOLD YOU BACK (because of their own EGO stuff, scarcity mindsets, and doubts about themselves PROJECTED OUT at you):

FAKE FRIENDS

-Say they want you to do well and smile on the surface of their lies but, secretly, they’re just keeping you close because they don’t believe in themselves but see something in you that they think will HELP them.

Really, they want you to FAIL, so they can keep believing their own BS and not have to TRY.

HATERS – hate themselves first and foremost and see in you what they’ve HIDDEN from themselves (in the SHADOW TERRITORY) and wish they could FREE.

DOUBTERS – Have never tried anything real because they never BELIEVED in themselves so they don’t think you should either.

THANKS and GRATITUDE to them all for showing us how to be real and keeping us in the zone.

 

Let me coach you if you wanna start pushing through and growing real.

 

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Trust and Belief Go Further than Hope.

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‘Hope’ can sometimes be a dirty word.

If you reach the stage when all you can do is start ‘hoping’ something is gonna happen then it’s already too late (probably).

In many ways ‘hope’ is EGO for two reasons:

1. It’s a completely PASSIVE state of being and puts all of the POWER to change your life outside of yourself by making you believe in the illusion of stasis (where in REALITY and nature things are ALWAYS changing).

2. You normally end up putting your ‘hope’ in things that are powerless in the face of the TRUTH anyway – other people who want to ‘sell’ you hope, UNICORNS in the form of IDOLS that you project all your powerlessness onto, or just pure BS that helps you keep believing what you need to believe to not GROW REAL.

When you reach the stage where ‘hope’ is your best option then you’ve already become unreal and that unreality has led you to become FRUSTRATED.

People ALWAYS need hope as a way of alleviating this FRUSTRATION (which is why there are so many BS artist marketeers and gurus here online trying to sell you hope instead of helping you find solutions to your problems – solutions that can only come from YOU).

When you decide that all you have left is ‘Hope’ then it just means that you’ve decided to give up on the only two REAL options in life:

1. DO something about what can be changed.

2. Accept what can’t be changed and learn from it.

There is almost ALWAYS something we can do.

If you decide to either ACT or ACCEPT then hope becomes redundant – you don’t NEED it because you’re no longer frustrated because you’re either building real MOMENTUM and unblocking yourself.

When you get in the REAL ROOTED MODE, you also understand that ‘hope’ is just the ego’s attempt to FORCE its own meaning onto the world and to act like it understands everything about reality.

When you give up HOPE, you step out of your unreal thoughts about life and realise that it’s about TRUST and BELIEF in yourself and TRUTH.

With ‘hope’ your forcing in the face of uncertainty; with trust and belief, you’re RIDING THROUGH IT on those REALITY WAVES.

With hope, you’re AVOIDING the question completely.

 

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Your Emotions are Asking You to Either Accept Something You Don’t or to Enjoy Something You Do.

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The final lesson is always ACCEPTANCE.

Everything else you learn and go through is just putting you somewhere on the spectrum between learning that final truth or getting caught up in JUDGEMENT and holding yourself back from life.

Everything we do is either teaching us how to be more OPEN and to go deeper into life or it’s causing us to put up our defenses and to RESIST (so that we can keep the EGO in place and avoid having to face the SHADOW TERRITORY blah blah – see my book Shadow Life).

The EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE of your life – in general – is a reflection of your CAPACITY and WILLINGNESS to ACCEPT reality.

If you accept, then you feel ‘good’ because you’re open and there are no/less barriers between you and where life wants to take you.

If you resist, then you fell ‘bad’ because you’re closed and you place illusory barriers (ego ‘stuff’) between you and life and it will forever slip between your fingers.

It’s so easy to attribute a lot of mental health problems to physical or chemical causes but – in A LOT of cases – the ‘mental health crisis’ is just a SYMPTOM of being in an UNREAL world that is constantly trying to distract people and make them forget about what it means to be a living, breathing human being.

Depression, anxiety, restlessness, and a lot of other things are just symptoms of the FUNDAMENTAL problem which is that people are scared to be REAL, have been conditioned not to ACCEPT themselves, the world, and reality and so don’t LISTEN to what their emotions are asking them to ACCEPT.

Instead of LEARNING the lesson, they’re just given pills to pop or ‘talking therapies’ that make them go over and RE-IDENTIFY with the same stories and narratives that made them miserable in the first place.

Negative emotions that LINGER mean that you’re AVOIDING a lesson.

In general:

Depression – means that you have LOST TOUCH with your purpose and stopped MOVING so you feel trapped.

Anxiety – means that you’re putting an unreal version of yourself out into the world and getting FRICTION as feedback.

Shame, Guilt, and Trauma – mean you let the world stop you BELIEVING in yourself.

Etc.

If you don’t learn to ACCEPT reality you’ll always be UNREAL.

 

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Your Relationship isn’t a Substitute for the Parents You Never Had.

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Your partner – or future partner – isn’t a substitute for your mummy and daddy.

It’s natural for our experience of ‘love’ to have been formulated in childhood by whatever our parents decided to pass down to us but ma and pa(ternal) love isn’t the same as romantic love.

Your partner is there to accept you at wherever you’re at and to grow REAL with you as they also grow into themselves and through whatever ‘stuff’ they have.

They don’t exist to be a substitute for mummy and daddy and to fix all of our childhood wounds or to fill whatever void you might have picked up (though they can definitely support you as you work to heal yourself in the container of the relationship as a whole).

As a human being, there are two general kinds of parents you can grow up under the ‘guidance’ of:

-Good Ones: Who will do their bests to love you UNCONDITIONALLY without letting their own ‘stuff’ get in the way of your growth.

-Bad Ones: Who will love you CONDITIONALLY because their own ‘stuff’ gets in the way and they want to mould you according to expectations formed because of their own unresolved and trapped emotions.

Of course, it’s not that black and white but it always ends up falling on some point along that basic continuum.

In both cases, healthy ADULT relationships don’t and CAN’T follow the patterns that you picked up in childhood:

In the case of unconditional love:

-Your partner can of course love you unconditionally but it won’t be the same as the love you got from your mother…

They probably won’t idolise you all the time, they might not wanna do your laundry and cook for you, or think that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread 24/7 (the closest you can get to that – bar the laundry and cooking – is to get a DOG).

In the case of the conditional stuff:

-Most adult relationships have some conditions: you normally have to have at least some of your shit together, you probably shouldn’t cheat, if you’re an ASSHOLE you can get dumped etc.

As an adult though you don’t have to accept conditions you don’t like, though. You have the power to WALK AWAY.

In short, adult love is about stepping away from ROLES and being both FREE and SECURE at the same time.

 

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Love is a Destructive Force as Much as it is a Creative One

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If you don’t believe in ‘true’ love, then I feel (a bit) sorry for you.

Yeah, I can be a bit cyncial and dark about the world sometimes but in the HEART of every cynic is somebody who’s tasted the TRUTH about life and either lost it or seen that the world is against it.

We can all taste the FRUIT of truth in various ways in our lives – finding the edge, dancing with loss, getting close to death, or just having conversations that bring moments of insight that make us go ‘aha’ and blow our minds a little more.

For most of us, though, the realest thing we’ll experience in our lifetimes is LOVE – when you find that somebody who actually opens doors…not just to life itself but to you and your own REALNESS.

They don’t even need to try that hard…it just kinda happens in the animal MAGNETISM and state of PRESENCE that exists between you.

When you’re in love the world seems like a totally different and BETTER place… The cynics like me might say that it’s only because you’re INFATUATED and so you’re not seeing yourself, the world, or reality clearly – you’re just filtering everything through the distortions of all that OXYTOCIN (the ‘love’ hormone).

You’re not, though, you’re seeing things as they really are and life as it truly is because love UNBLOCKS you and distances you from your own BULLSHIT.

People also say that “love hurts” but that’s BULLSHIT too – love can NEVER hurt because love is just a connection to the TRUTH and the truth is always the source of all comfort and JOY in our lives.

The thing that ‘hurts’ is the journey back to the truth as we go through the process of LOSING OUR ILLUSIONS and trying to cling to them.

This is why love is both creative and destructive:

It’s creative because it connects you to TRUTH which is the source of all creation.

It’s destructive because your journey back to the truth is limited by your attachement to and DEFENSE of your illusions.

The more you cling, the worse it gets – this is why people become cynical and anti-love: because they went in with their EGO and not what’s real about them (which can only lead to DRAMA).

May you kill you inner cynics and grow REAL.

?

 

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