by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Human beings crave certainty in an uncertain world…It causes all kinds of problems.
Human beings crave certainty…From the moment we wake up, we build our days upon assumed certainties: the sun will rise, our routines will unfold, the world will function as we believe it always has – yet, beneath these comforts lies a truth we so often avoid – the world is uncertain, in flux, and so are we.
Attempting to cling to certainty in an unertain world can be like holding sand in your hands: the harder you squeeze, the faster it slips through your fingers. The truth is that REAL life thrives in the unknown, and if we refuse to accept it, we stunt our growth, resist our realness, and create unnecessary friction with the world.
As the ancients knew and Socrates so eloquently taught, admitting that we know nothing is the beginning of wisdom. Uncertainty is not a curse to be feared but a condition of existence to be embraced; it liberates us from the prison of stagnant belief and ego, connecting us to reality as it is, and allowing us to keep learning, growing, and living in harmony with a world that never stops moving.
The Illusion of Certainty
“Death and taxes” – these tired words are often quoted as the only true certainties in life. Yet even they are conceptual simplifications. Death is certain, yes, but how, when, and what happens afterward remain unknowable mysteries. Beyond natural laws (the inescapable physics of the universe), our lives are woven with a constant interplay of possibilities and probabilities, each one impervious to total control or absolute knowledge.
Consider for a moment what happens when we insist on certainty:
Whether it’s our beliefs, relationships, self-concepts, or goals, rigid certainty binds us to a version of reality that may no longer exist. Life flows forward, but we cling desperately to our fixed interpretations.
For example, have you ever argued fiercely about a topic, only to later discover new evidence that unraveled your ‘certainty’? The ego flares up, defensive and embarrassed, because it doesn’t like to be wrong. But what if being ‘wrong’ is the gateway to deeper understanding and a closer connection to the truth?
Attempting to cling to certainty closes the door to growth. It stops us from learning, evolving, and adapting. Worse still, it traps us in conflict – conflict with others, who see the world differently, and conflict with reality itself, which refuses to conform to our neatly packaged certainties.
Even worse, it causes us to become trapped within ourselves because we become so ‘certain’ about who we are that we forget to let the truth shine through… That’s where the Ego comes into play:
The Ego: Certainty’s Loyal Companion
At the heart of our quest for certainty lies the Ego – that fragile but stubborn sense of self that insists, “This is who I am, this is what I believe, and I won’t budge”.
The Ego craves certainty because it equates it with safety: If I know who I am, I won’t be caught off guard; if I know what the world is, I can control my place within it.
When we dig deeper, though, we see that the ego is just a collection of stories – a patchwork of past experiences, societal influences, and imagined futures. It’s a concept, not reality. And like all concepts, it is inherently limited. REAL life, on the other hand, is unlimited. It shifts, evolves, and refuses to be contained. When we cling too tightly to a fixed idea of ourselves – “I am this” or “I could never do that” – we create friction with life’s natural flow.
Have you ever met someone whose ego is hopelessly out of sync with reality? The ageing playboy clinging to his youth, unable to accept the passage of time; the former high-flyer who insists on living in past glories while the present crumbles beneath their feet; the stubborn soul who refuses to see another perspective, locked in perpetual argument with the world.
These people are not inherently ‘wrong’ but their certainty imprisons them. By resisting change, they resist life itself.
Uncertainty: The Path to Realness
What happens when we let go of certainty?
At first, it may feel terrifying – like free-falling into the unknown. But soon, a new clarity emerges. We start to see that uncertainty is not the enemy; it is a gift. It aligns us with the truth about life: everything is in motion, including us.
To embrace uncertainty is to step into a constant state of becoming instead of just thinking we understand what it is to currently ‘be’. It is to admit to ourselves something that the ego hates: “I don’t know everything but I’m open to learning”. This stance doesn’t make us weaker; it makes us stronger. It allows us to flow with life rather than fight against it – no matter what happens.
Imagine approaching the world like a scientist: curious, open, and willing to adjust your understanding as new information arises. Scientists don’t deal in absolutes; they work with probabilities. A theory is accepted until it’s proven false. This mindset allows for discovery and innovation. Likewise, when we treat our beliefs, opinions, and self-concepts as fluid rather than fixed – something that might change if new insight opens the way – we create space for growth, understanding, and realness.
Uncertainty also frees us from the burden of control freakery (which is always a product of unresolved shame and the need to keep the ego we created in reaction to this in place):
So much of our stress and suffering comes from trying to control the uncontrollable – other people, outcomes, the future…but control is an illusion. Life is uncertain by nature, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can find peace.
The Art of Improvisation
Living with uncertainty doesn’t mean drifting aimlessly or abandoning all conviction. It means learning to improvise. Jazz musicians understand this beautifully: within the uncertainty of live performance, they remain grounded in their skills and values while staying open to the unfolding moment.
We can approach life in the same way:
Rather than rigidly clinging to our plans, beliefs, or identities, we can hold them lightly. We can ask ourselves:
- “What if I’m wrong about this?”
- “What new perspective can I consider?”
- “How can I respond to this unexpected challenge creatively?”
In this way, uncertainty becomes a dance rather than a battle (and, by extension, so does life). We remain grounded in our core values – our realness – but open to the improvisational nature of life as it constantly unfolds through and around us.
Uncertainty and Self-Discovery
The journey of self-discovery, like life itself, is uncertain. Who you are today is not who you were five years ago, nor who you will be five years from now. Your body will age, your experiences will change you, and your understanding of yourself will deepen as you let go of the UNREAL and slip into REALNESS as the years wind by (what’s real is always real) – if you allow the process to do what it needs to do.
Certainty about your identity—“I could never do that” or “This is just who I am”—is often just a story your ego tells to protect you from change. But change is inevitable, and resisting it only causes pain in the long-term. When you embrace uncertainty, you give yourself permission to grow into your fullest potential and experience something REAL instead of just whatever your ego has been showing you.
When you LET GO, trust, and allow the old ‘you’ to die so the REAL you can emerge, the process may feel uncomfortable, but it is also where life’s greatest beauty lies because it always leads to something TRUE.
Think Free, Live Real
To live real is to live in harmony with uncertainty; it is to detach yourself from rigid opinions, outdated self-concepts, and the illusion of control – to meet life as it is, moment by moment, and to respond with curiosity, openness, and courage.
When you accept uncertainty, you accept life. You stop resisting the natural flow of things and start moving with ‘it’. You learn, you grow real, and you discover depths of yourself and the world that certainty could never reveal.
So, refuse to cling. Refuse to let fear of the unknown stop you from living fully. Life, after all, is uncertain – and that’s what makes it REAL.
Final Thoughts:
Few things are certain in this world, but this much is true: the more comfortable you become with uncertainty, the more fully you will live. Life is not static; it is an ever-unfolding improvisation. So let go of what you think you know, embrace what you don’t, and move with the beauty of the unknown.
After all, uncertainty isn’t the enemy of realness; it’s the Way.
Stay real out there,
*Based on ‘Revolution’ number ten in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness
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