by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Nobody gets out of childhood totally unscathed.
It has to be this way because childhood is about being WHOLE – or at least SPONTANEOUS – and the world we’re brought up in is designed for FRAGMENTS and HESITATION.
Think about how many times you probably heard the word “NO” when you we’re growing up:
“NO, you can’t go play in the road.”
“NO, you can’t stay up all night”.
“NO, you can’t wear that Spiderman outfit to the supermarket.”
Maybe it’s a good thing that the world wears us down with ‘No’?
If we all were just so open minded that our brains fell out then the world would end up being a lunatic asylum for free range clowns… Oh, wait – we got that anyway. Maybe ‘No’ isn’t the best option.
The problem is that ‘NO’ just ends up wounding people and creating ‘broken’ adults (i.e. emotional retards – people whose INNER CHILD isn’t intergated and throws a constant temper tantrum when reminded of its seminal ‘wounds’).
It wounds people because they hear ‘NO’ at three main levels:
Shame: Where they receive a ‘NO’ at the level of their very being and their inherent value (usually because of some BS physical thing or personality quirk).
Guilt: Where they receive a ‘NO’ at the level of their actions or the situations they’ve found themselves in (like being born, for example).
Trauma: Where they receive a heavy’NO’ from some external force in the face of their own power and human capacity.
We all have some of this stuff going on to some extent when we go out into the world and how we deal with it is what most affects the course of our lives and who we become in the face of the world.
If we allow those ‘NO’ echoes to linger and internalise the feelings of shame, guilt, and/or trauma then we end up hiding behind the mask of adulthood whilst a WOUNDED child mopes about behind the scenes feeling lost and alone.
Instead of protecting and helping the child, we end up – in this state – trying to protect the mask instead but all that means is we don’t face the FEELINGS that wounded us and stay in this lost child state.
The solution is to be an ADULT and take RESPONSIBILITY over hiding. Only then can we face what we’ve been hiding from and reclaim our POWER.
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