by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The Real Path to Real Transformation & The Best Way to Change Your Life Fast
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably tried the usual advice like “Be patient, work hard, and it’ll all come in time”.
You might even have meditated, journalled, or read a stack of self-help books and yet…still, you find yourself stuck, frustrated, and like you’re running on a hamster wheel that never seems to end.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth that can eventually set you free of all this running around and getting nowhere:
Most people never truly change because they’re chasing abstractions like ‘success’, ‘happiness’, ‘self-love’, or whatever else without ever asking the real question:
What’s actually REAL for me right now and how can I ACT on it?
The bottom line is that changing your life fast isn’t about shortcuts, affirmations, or motivational quotes:
It’s about working deeply, honestly, and directly with yourself and, yes – it’s totally possible.
I know because I’ve seen it happen loads now – most recently with a client that I’ll call Art (because he figured out the art of living).
Let’s dig a little deeper:
How Change Your Life Fast (Really): What We’ll Cover in this Article
- The Real Path to Real Transformation & The Best Way to Change Your Life Fast
- The Moment That Proves REAL ALWAYS WORKS
- How to Change Your Life Fast Stage 1: AWARENESS – Deconstruct the Ego
- How to Change Your Life Fast Stage 2: ACCEPTANCE – Integrate the Shadow
- How to Change Your Life Fast Stage 3: ACTION – Trust Self and Life
- Why This Approach Works Fast
- Getting Started: Your Fast-Track to Changing Your Life Fast
- A Final Word: REALNESS Always Works
The Moment That Proves REAL ALWAYS WORKS
Art has been working with me for about four months – initially, his focus was on gaining clarity about his direction in life but as we worked together, deeper emotional ‘stuff’ started surfacing that was at the core of everything he felt he needed to deal with in life:
Distractions, frustrations, and unresolved tension that was quietly hijacking his day-to-day life and his time, energy, and attention.
During a recent session, we reviewed a simple “Life Visioning” exercise we’d done in the early stages of the process; this is a simple tool I use to get a snapshot of where clients want to go, the goals they’re harbouring without necessarily committing to (yet!), and the person they’re trying to become.
Returning to it after those short four months had passed and viewing Art’s answers from his perspective today was revealing to say the least.
The short-version goes as follows:
- Some goals had been completely smashed and ticked off once and for all.
- Others, he now realised he didn’t even want – they were just things his ego had imagined he should want back when he was a less REAL version of himself.
This moment was huge….
Not only was it validating but it also illustrated a key principle I teach in my books and coaching:
REAL ALWAYS WORKS.
When you stop chasing an unreal path and start acting in alignment with what is real for you, change can happen fast and that’s what the rest of this article is for:
To show you how to start doing this for yourself.
How to Change Your Life Fast Stage 1: AWARENESS – Deconstruct the Ego
The first stage of real change and any transformational journey is always AWARENESS which is ultimately about acquiring new wisdom that can help us deconstruct the ego (our current way of identifying that led to us being where we’ve currently found ourselves).
With Art, this meant looking at the ways he was holding himself back through his current identity/ego – in particular the beliefs and stories he had about himself that were no longer serving him.
We also began uncovering his real values:
These aren’t the things you say you care about on social media or the ideals you think you should have (they’re your espoused values) but the core truths that actually move you.
Once we identified these real values, we translated them into actionable steps – essentially small daily habits, behaviours, and choices that aligned with the person he truly wanted to be.
Just taking small actions that are more real at the start of this transformation can end up revealing a lot about the work you really need to do because it shakes up and helps you break away from old patterns whilst also revealing your dependency on them.
We also started to clarify his vision:
Even though Art didn’t yet know exactly what this looked like, we had enough information to break it down into concrete goals and habits based on the kind of person he wanted to become at that stage.
Much of this awareness was raised through two key exercises:
- Extremely Personal Questions – These are designed to pierce through egoic thinking and get at the heart of what you really want. They’re uncomfortable, but necessary (you can download them here if you’d like to try them out for size: Extremely Personal Questions
- Probing Coaching Sessions – In these sessions, we excavated unhelpful beliefs and shadows hiding under the surface. This is where the real digging happens: identifying patterns, behaviours, and thoughts that are holding you back (you can book a free coaching session with me via this page on site or use the embedded booking form on this page).
By the end of this stage, Art had a clearer sense of what was real for him, and what wasn’t and was more equipped to discern real from unreal in general; he knew which parts of his life were aligned with his true self and which were distortions created by ego.
Reader Takeaways – Awareness Stage:
- Write down your current goals and ask yourself: Do I truly want this or is this ego-driven?
- Identify your top 3 values and start one small habit this week that reflects each (values are qualities like freedom, truth, health, flow, etc.)
- Track recurring frustrations, sources of friction, or distractions in your life as they often highlight where your ego is in control.
How to Change Your Life Fast Stage 2: ACCEPTANCE – Integrate the Shadow
Awareness alone isn’t enough because we have to embrace what we’ve become aware of… This brings us on to the second stage of ACCEPTANCE – facing the parts of yourself that you’ve been avoiding or denying and learning to integrate them.
With Art, this involved exploring some unconscious intentions and fears that had been holding him back and – once these came to light – he could start making aligned actions by doing things that were not only goal-oriented but real.
We continued working on discerning the real from the unreal at three levels: self, world, and reality and Art began to see how his ‘worldly’ identity – concerned with performance, external validation, and the promptings of “The Matrix” – was draining his energy and attention. In other words, he was learning to stop performing and start being present.
We also went deeper into focusing on three foundational practices to reinforce this stage:
- Nervous System Regulation & Emotional Ownership – Art learned to notice tension, frustration, and emotional discomfort in his body, rather than suppressing it and this allowed him to respond instead of react when his emotional ‘stuff’ kicked in or got activated.
- Limiting Beliefs & Thought Awareness – He trained himself to ‘catch’ unreal thoughts in their tracks so he could stay focused on his real vision – for example, recognising when fear or anxiety was ego-driven, not reality-driven.
- Vision Clarification & Focus – By continuously refining his vision, Art could focus on what was truly real for him and ignore distractions from moment-to-moment and from one day to the next.
The results were profound (as they always are when people shift from unreal to real being):
Art became calmer, less reactive, and more embodied, he could face emotions he’d been avoiding, release control, and experience equanimity in relationships and daily life. Frustrations that used to hijack his day simply didn’t have the same power over him.
Reader Takeaways – Acceptance Stage:
- Notice when you’re reacting versus responding by learning to identify the root emotion in your body through somatic experiencing.
- Track limiting beliefs in a journal by regularly asking yourself: Is this real or is it ego talking? – my Flow Builder journal really helped Art on his journey.
- Pick one area of life where you try to overcontrol things and practice letting go and observing outcomes without interference.
How to Change Your Life Fast Stage 3: ACTION – Trust Self and Life
The final stage is all about ACTION (because if you take Action before you raise Awareness and Acceptance then your actions aren’t going to be real).
The kind of action we’re talking about isn’t just any old action – it’s the kind that comes from trusting yourself and life, rather than forcing outcomes.
By this stage, Art had enough evidence that many of his frustrations came from beliefs, unresolved emotional ‘stuff’, and projections. He also had enough evidence that when he acted in a real way that all of this ‘stuff’ would dissolve and stop being a problem.
Knowing this deeply allowed him to let go of trying to control the uncontrollable and to start acting in alignment with his vision for the person he was becoming and what he would express in the world through this version of himself.
Every action he took became more real and opened up a positive spiral in his life as the RESULTS kept compounding on themselves:
- Daily habits aligned with his true values.
- Decisions reflecting his clarified vision.
- Interactions guided by presence rather than egoic reaction and old software.
The ACTION stage is also about embracing the “Stretch Zone” – pushing yourself just beyond comfort but from a place of trust, not fear (which means that you’ve gone too far and into the “Panic Zone”).
In short, Art moved deeper into his vision by working with reality instead of against it, letting go of the need to force outcomes, and seeing results quickly.
Reader Takeaways – Action Stage:
- Identify one small action today that aligns with your values and then go do it fully.
- Notice when you’re forcing an outcome and pause, reassess, and act from presence instead of unnecessary pressure.
- Commit to weekly reflection: Which actions were real? Which were ego-driven? Adjust accordingly and keep moving forward.
Why This Approach Works Fast
Many people think transformation takes years but the speed of change isn’t about time but about depth and alignment:
With Art, four months of committed work produced profound results because it was the only thing he focused on and the container we created together gave him both the space and accountability to do this by cultivating clarity of direction, emotional integration, calmer presence, and faster progress toward real goals.
These kind of coaching containers work for some very simple reasons and Art was a good example of why:
- He worked honestly with himself.
- He focused on what was real instead of on abstract ideas or social expectations.
- He combined awareness, acceptance, and action in a systematic way and kept experimenting and refining as he moved forward.
- He integrated body, mind, and daily life through micro-actions, rather than just thinking or visualising about things.
The result?
Rapid transformation that isn’t superficial but that sticks.
Check out my book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace if you want to go even deeper into your own realness and taking aligned action.
Getting Started: Your Fast-Track to Changing Your Life Fast
You don’t necessarily need a coach like me to begin this process (though obviously it helps and can take you deeper) but you do need commitment, honesty, and action.
Here’s a practical roadmap you can start today:
Step 1: Awareness (Deconstruct Ego)
- Journal your current goals and assess which are truly yours.
- List your top 3–5 core values then identify or create habits that reflect them.
- Ask yourself: What stories am I telling myself that aren’t real?
Step 2: Acceptance (Integrate Shadow)
- Identify fears, limiting beliefs, or unconscious patterns and stop hiding from yourself.
- Practice nervous system regulation: breathwork, mindful pauses, or body scanning and somatic experiencing.
- Face small uncomfortable truths in daily life by feeling them, acknowledging them, then acting anyway in alignment with your principles and vision.
Step 3: Action
- Take small, aligned actions daily and prioritise quality over quantity.
- Reflect weekly: Which actions felt real? Which were ego-driven? Adjust whatever you’re doing so you can keep refining, experimenting, and growing.
- Step into the Stretch Zone intentionally, from a place of trust, not fear.
A Final Word: REALNESS Always Works
Art’s journey is proof that you can change your life fast…but only if you do the deeper work.
Awareness alone isn’t enough, Acceptance without action is incomplete, and Action without alignment is futile.
The key is a simple but powerful formula:
Awareness → Acceptance → Action → Trust → Flow
When you follow this pathway, you move from frustration, distraction, and ego-driven behaviour to clarity, equanimity, and aligned action.
Change doesn’t have to be slow and it doesn’t have to be painful but it does require honesty, courage, and commitment.
As long as you remember that REAL ALWAYS WORKS you can trust the process and when you start choosing what is real for you, the results can be astonishingly fast.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to do this kind of work in your own life and you think you can benefit from some guidance and support then book a free coaching call with me and I’ll help you shift trajectory.
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.
This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
It has monthly, weekly, and daily (morning and evening) check-ins, tools and reflections to keep you in the zone and keep you flowing with zest and momentum.
If you want to get unstuck and grow REAL then check it out.
Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.
Join the 7-Day Bare Ass Minimum (BAM) Challenge and start to implement foundational health habits and a powerful life vision only a week from now.
