by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Taking Your Mask Off When The World is Still A Masquerade Ball
One of the strangest paradoxes of self-work and growing real is that the more real you become, the more unreal the world around you starts to look.
At first, this can feel liberating:
You’ve made it to the other side of your own internal chaos; you’ve peeled back layers of ego, maybe even been through your dark night of the soul, and finally reached a point where you feel lighter, clearer, more ‘you‘.
But then you walk out into the world and it hits you: everyone else still seems to be playing pretend and everything seems so unreal.
Welcome to the bizarre in-between space where you’ve taken off your own mask only to realise the whole world is still at a masquerade ball.
Don’t worry, you’re not dissociated – you just need to go a little further.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
The Ego Trap After Ego Death: What We’ll Cover in this Article
- Taking Your Mask Off When The World is Still A Masquerade Ball
- From Ego Death to Ego Disillusionment
- The Post-Mask Shock: Everyone Else is Still Wearing Theirs
- The Real Reason You’re Annoyed By Everyone Else’s Ego
- Two Ways Through the Masked World
- The True Sign You’re Healing
- Practical Tools for Navigating the Masked World
- Ego Trap After Ego Death: Final Thought:
From Ego Death to Ego Disillusionment
The journey towards realness – the deep, unshakeable sense of alignment with who you truly are in truth – is rarely neat and often begins with discomfort:
You feel stuck, lost, and held back.
Life starts sending you signals that something’s off.
Anxiety, existential dread, and the compulsive need to impress, please, or perform seem to dominate and cloud your day-to-day experience… You go through the motions on autopilot, all the while trying to outrun the Void but never being able to because you already know deep down that it’s inside you.
At some point, something shifts:
Maybe it’s a heartbreak, a breakdown, a breakthrough – or just an accumulative awareness that stems from honest self-enquiry – but suddenly, you see.
You see that you’ve been living through a filter: a mask crafted out of childhood wounds, societal programming, shame, guilt, trauma, fear, and unmet needs.
This mask of ego, once mistaken for your actual identity, gets exposed as what it really is: a survival mechanism – a filter between you and reality and a buffer between your wholeness and the world.
Having seen the mask for what it is (unreal), you eventually find the strength to take it off.
This is a powerful moment because it doesn’t just bring you a breath of fresh air – it allows you to actually start breathing properly for the first time in maybe your whole life.
You start to move differently, act more freely, speak more honestly. You take real action in your life because you’re no longer operating from the shame-soaked script of your past. You’ve stopped hesitating and you’ve stopped hiding.
You’re finally being REAL.
But here’s the unfortunate twist: when the mask falls, it doesn’t just change how you see yourself – it changes how you see everything.
And, for some of us, that can lead to a whole new journey of discovery.
The Post-Mask Shock: Everyone Else is Still Wearing Theirs
You return to the workplace, the pub, the family dinner table, or the dating apps and suddenly everything feels off:
You notice the small talk that’s covering up pain. The inflated bravado that hides insecurity. The people-pleasing. The clout-chasing. The constant need to be seen, validated, or admired.
You see how deeply people are identifying with their roles, their image, their story instead of anything actually REAL.
You think to yourself the same basic thing each time:
“Oh my God… they don’t even know they’re wearing a mask.”
This is where things start to get dicey because – while it might feel like you’ve broken free – what’s actually happened is you’ve just developed a sharper eye.
You can now discern real from unreal.
You’ve got a nose for ego, and it’s everywhere -and, that, ironically, can become a new kind of trap.
The Real Reason You’re Annoyed By Everyone Else’s Ego
At first, you might feel frustrated or even superior:
“Why can’t people just wake up?” you wonder (like it was so easy for you to get to the ‘wake up’ stage).
You start diagnosing everyone:
She’s stuck in a martyr complex; he’s performing for male validation; they’re addicted to drama.
Everyone’s got an ego… except you, right?
Wrong.
If you’re annoyed by other people’s masks, it’s a sign you haven’t finished your own work yet.
You’ve done well to see the ego because for years because AWARENESS is always the first step and for years it ran the show while you thought it was your true self but the next step isn’t just seeing the mask -it’s learning how to live in a world full of masks without getting yanked back into frustration, judgement, or despair.
This is where many people (my past self included) fall into a weird spiritual confusion:
They think they’re free, but they’ve only transcended one layer which has left them feeling like outsiders. They romanticise solitude; they start confusing disconnection with enlightenment (which is often just a form of spiritual bypassing).
But disillusionment isn’t wisdom – it’s just the bit before it.
My book Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace will take you deep into the journey of growing real and learning to flow with life instead of against it.
Two Ways Through the Masked World
So what now? If you’ve taken off your mask and experienced “ego death” (even though the ego is unreal so you can’t kill it) but find yourself irritated, drained, or cynical about everyone else’s ego… congratulations. You’re in the real middle of the journey. This is where the real alchemy begins.
At this stage, there are basically two paths forward:
1. Do Your Shadow Work
The first path forward is to look inward again:
If someone else’s ego still triggers you, it’s not just about them and your reaction is most likely pointing you toward something unreal and unhealed in you.
Maybe you’re projecting a part of yourself you haven’t fully accepted.
Or maybe you’re still holding onto a hidden ideal: that people should be more real, more awake, more like you. That ideal might sound noble but it’s still ego, dressed in spiritual clothing.
Shadow work is about integrating the parts of us we still disown – the judgement, the pride, the desire to control or to be seen as ‘more healed’ than everybody else.
If these aren’t met with awareness, they form a new mask which is just the same as any other ego but has more ‘spiritual‘ patterns on it.
2. Give Up Your Unreal Ideals
The second path is radical acceptance:
It’s realising that expecting the world to be any different than it is… is just a new mask.
It’s one thing to take your own mask off; it’s another to stop expecting everyone else to remove theirs just because you did.
The truth is that all people are where they are. Most of the world is running on autopilot – not because they’re ‘bad’, but because they forgot they were born real.
They’ve just adapted to survive – just like you did.
This is where love comes in – not the syrupy kind, of course (that’s ego lol) but the grounded kind:
The kind that sees someone’s mask and chooses to meet them with compassion, not condescension; the kind that doesn’t need to fix, teach, or prove anything.
The True Sign You’re Healing
Here’s the ultimate truth bomb: you’re only really healed when your annoyance is minimal – not because you’re numb but because you’re free.
Free from needing the world to match your expectations; free from mistaking your discomfort for someone else’s fault. Free from chasing constant validation; free from the need to ‘wake people up’.
In this state, you trust reality more than your reaction and can just keep flowing instead of forcing life all the time.
The real test of spiritual maturity isn’t how deep your insights are or what kind of esoteric rituals you engage in: it’s how quickly you bounce back.
It’s in how rooted you stay when someone else’s mask tries to provoke your old one and how well you can stay in flow when the world feels jagged.
That’s real healing and real healing is real power.
Practical Tools for Navigating the Masked World
- Reality Check-In:
At least once a day, ask yourself:
What am I reacting to and what is it showing me about ‘me‘?
Write it down and then sit with it to keep discerning the real from the unreal and your realness from the mask. - Ideal Detox:
Make a list of expectations you have for the world (e.g. “People should be more self-aware“).
For each one, ask yourself: Is this ideal real or is it just a fantasy I’ve been clinging to? - Compassion Practice:
The next time you spot someone’s ego at play, say silently to yourself: “They forgot who they are. Just like I did.”
Feel into that shared humanity because we’re all walking the path from unreal to real – fragmentation to wholeness – to some degree. - Shadow Mirror Work:
Remind yourself that:
“Whatever I see in them, I also see in me.”
Not to shame yourself but to reclaim your power. - Embodied Action:
Take one small, real action each day:
Make sure it’s something that bypasses performance and touches a deeper truth – calling someone just to listen, creating without posting, saying no without guilt.
Ego Trap After Ego Death: Final Thought:
The world might be full of masks but that doesn’t mean you have to wear yours again.
Once you’ve glimpsed your realness, it’s not about changing the world – it’s about refusing to change back:
Keep showing up, keep doing the work, and, when in doubt, remember: the most powerful thing you can be in a world of masks… is real.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re on the journey of growing real and you’re interested in coaching then book a free coaching session with me today and I’ll guide you into real action and flow.
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