Guiding into FLOW: You Can Only Take Others as Deep as You've Been Yourself (Coaches, 'Healers', and Mentors) - Oli Anderson

by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

The More You Get Into the Flow, the More You Can Guide Others Into It

This is one mainly for the coaches, ‘healers’, and mentors out there (but anybody can learn from it):

There’s a simple but powerful truth about personal growth, coaching, and any kind of guiding or ‘helping’ role we might find ourselves playing in life: you can only take others as deep as you’ve gone yourself.

This essentially means that the more you’re in the flow, the more you can help others find it too; if you’re forcing things, resisting, or stuck in your own ego-based patterns, then you’ll just end up projecting that onto others and holding them back – even if your intentions are ‘good’.

This is why the best coaches, mentors, and teachers aren’t just experts in their fields; they’re deeply connected to their own process of growth and are continuously working to GROW REAL and to do their own ‘inner work’ as the move towards wholeness and realness instead of fragmentation and ego.

Many of the best ‘teachers’ and ‘healers’ have only learned to help people in a real way because they’ve lived through the struggle, let go of their illusions, and learned to trust the natural flow of life while still taking real action (in other words, they’ve been through a PERSONAL REVOLUTION).

In fact, I’d actually go so far as to say that if you find a therapist, coach, or anything else that’s completely put together and doesn’t have any of the RAWNESS that comes from getting to the other side of letting go of their ‘stuff’ and finding something true, then you might be working with somebody who only understands things ‘conceptually’ but hasn’t actually LIVED it in experience (the scenery is different but the path towards wholeness is the same structure for all of us).

Anyway, here’s the thing:

Everybody is in their own flow, but it’s all flowing towards the same truth – wholeness. If you hold on to the fragments that stop you flowing then you might not be helping others but holding them back.

Let’s get into it:

What is Flow?

Flow isn’t just a buzzword – it’s a natural state of engagement with REAL life.

It’s the space where:

Your actions align with reality, not ego resistance or distortion.
You trust yourself and life (“do your best and accept the rest”), rather than trying to force or control things because of underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma.
You let go of attachment to outcomes, yet still take real, meaningful action in the PROCESS of life (not just your ideas about it).
You move with energy rather than against it because you know that emotions are e-motion, energy in motion and that things keep evolving towards more WHOLENESS (there’s a natural drive towards wholeness in all of us and the main thing that makes us miserable is blocking it with ego).

Flow isn’t about passivity or waiting for life to hand you what you want – it’s about aligning yourself so fully with reality that everything starts to move effortlessly.

When you’re in flow, decisions become clearer, your work feels easier, and life seems to ‘click’ into place because the action that you’re taking is REAL ACTION (instead of unreal, ego action) and compounds on itself over time.

And the best part? Flow is contagious.

When you’re truly in flow, you naturally start to guide others into it as well:

This isn’t about teaching them a rigid system or giving them step-by-step formulas – it’s about creating a space where they can tap into their own flow and trust their own process to see who they really are in their REALNESS.

The ‘Helping’ Professions and the Art of Guiding Others into Flow

Most effective coaching, therapy, and leadership boil down to this:

Helping people build enough momentum in their own lives until they can let go completely and unblock that natural drive towards wholeness.

At its core, real transformation is about removing the mental, emotional, and physical blocks that stop people from flowing with life as it already is. When someone resists life – whether through F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”), attachment, self-doubt, false narratives, or any other form of fragmentation – they create friction.

Friction eventually turns to frustration and frustration turns to misery unless we take a pause and return to REALITY. A good coach, mentor, or guide helps remove that friction so the person can move forward naturally.

This isn’t about ‘fixing’ anyone – though there are many narcissistic peopel working in the healing professions who try to fix others to distract themselves from their own perceived ‘brokenness’ – because no one is broken (just confused, a lot of the time).

Instead, the role of a guide is to help people reconnect with their own truth and their own process of flowing back towards wholeness.

The Problem with Forcing Instead of Flowing

Many people – especially in coaching and leadership roles – fall into the trap of forcing rather than flowing.

This usually happens when:

They haven’t done enough of their own inner work and project their unresolved issues onto others.
They try to ‘fix’ people – based on their own assumptions etc. – rather than trust their own process.
They get too attached to a specific outcome rather than focusing on the journey.
They rely on rigid methods instead of adapting to what the moment requires.

When a coach (or any guide) isn’t in their own flow, they unconsciously create resistance in their clients – in other words, they push when they should be holding space and try to control when they should be trusting. This is because they have underlying SHAME that causes them to be rigid in their own lives because they’re being driven by it instead of dissolving it through REAL ACTION.

When this happens, instead of guiding someone into their own authentic path, they end up pulling them into a pre-packaged model of how things ‘should’ be based on their own assumptions and limitations projected onto the client.

That’s why real coaching and leadership start with self-mastery.

You can only help others trust themselves and life if you trust yourself and life; you can only help others let go if you’ve done it. You can only help others move with life if you’re not constantly fighting it yourself.

If you find yourself talking to a coach or ‘healer’ who has the characteristics of a control freak or who is generally rigid and lifeless then maybe think about if this is the kind of energy you want to be bringing in your own life; also, don’t work with somebody who treats you as a ‘victim’ or wraps you in cotton wool – find somebody who can meet you on a REAL LEVEL and just go as deep as you need to go in a given moment.

(This is totally shameless self-promotion but – if you’re looking for somebody like that – you can book a call with me for a REAL CONVERSATION).

Building Flow: The Key to Becoming a Real Guide

So, how do you build flow in your own life so you can guide others into it?

1. Get Into Wholeness Yourself

A simple but powerful phrase to remember is:

“I am that I am in wholeness and wholeness is in me” (from my book ‘Trust’).

This isn’t just a nice-sounding mantra – it’s a deep truth. You are already whole; life is already whole. The more you stop resisting what already is and start aligning with it, the more naturally things will unfold and you can start building flow.

2. Trust and Let Go

Most people hold themselves back because they’re afraid to trust – they fear that if they don’t control every aspect of life, things will fall apart. Control is an illusion, though, and the more you try to force things, the more you create resistance that leads to friction, frustration, and then misery.

Trust doesn’t mean being passive: it means taking action without attachment – it means doing what you need to do without outsourcing your self-worth to the outcome. This means setting goals but then taking your focus away from it, doing your best and accepting the rest, and living in the process through REAL ACTION rather than getting caught up in your head.

3. Commit to Real Action

Flow isn’t about sitting back and waiting for things to happen – that’s passivity and wishful thinking. Instead, it’s about moving with life, taking action from a place of alignment (with your REALNESS) rather than fear.

Whenever you feel ‘stuck’, the key is to take action that aligns with what’s real.

That means:

Listening to your intentions rather than your anxieties.
Doing what feels natural and expansive rather than forced and draining.
Acting from clarity rather than desperation.

4. Be an Example, Not Just a Teacher

People learn more from how you live than what you say – if you’re trying to guide others into flow (which is what all ‘healers’ are ultimately doing, be in it yourself.

Walk your talk.
Let go of your own resistance.
Show, don’t just tell.

If you’re constantly pushing, struggling, and forcing, that energy will ripple out to the people you’re trying to help. But if you’re in flow – trusting, moving, and acting from reality rather than F.E.A.R – that will naturally inspire others to do the same.

When you’re real, you give others ‘permission’ to be the same. Sometimes, you have to be the one to step up and set the tone.

5. Stay Open to Growth

Flow isn’t something you ‘achieve’ once and then keep forever – it’s an ongoing process. You’re always deepening, always expanding, always evolving.

The more you learn, let go, and trust, the more effortlessly life moves, and – the more effortlessly life moves – the more you can guide others into doing the same.

Final Thoughts: Flow is the Ultimate Guide

At the end of the day, real transformation happens when people learn to flow with life rather than fight it.

As a coach, leader, or mentor, your job isn’t to ‘fix’ people or give them all the answers – it’s to help them reconnect with their own process, build momentum, and trust the journey of growing REAL.

And the best way to do that? Live it yourself.

If you want to help others let go, let go first.
If you want to help others move forward, move forward first.
If you want to help others trust themselves and life, trust yourself and life first.

Because the more you’re in the flow, the more you can guide others into it, too.

And watching people build their own flow? That’s one of the most powerful, rewarding experiences there is.

Stay real out there,

Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.

It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.

This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).

Download EGO/SHADOW/TRUST - a free guide to transformation that will walk you through the vital stages of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action with practical strategies to implement right away.

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Real Always Works

Guiding into FLOW: You Can Only Take Others as Deep as You’ve Been Yourself (Coaches, ‘Healers’, and Mentors)

The More You Get Into the Flow, the More You Can Guide Others Into It

What is Flow?

The ‘Helping’ Professions and the Art of Guiding Others into Flow

The Problem with Forcing Instead of Flowing