Solution-Focused Living for REALNESS: Switching Focus from Problems to Solutions

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by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

Stop Complaining, Start Solving: Embracing a Solution-Focused Life

As somebody once said, “Life is one damn thing after another” – if you’re here on Planet Earth living a human life then problems are inevitable.

Life – in all its messy, unpredictable glory – serves up a seemingly endless buffet of challenges for everyone and they just keep coming:

You might feel like you’re carrying the heaviest burden, but the truth is, if your problems disappeared tomorrow, others would surely take their place. There’s no escape. This is the human condition.

The question, then, isn’t whether you’ll encounter problems – it’s how you’ll choose to face them. Are you gonna be REAL or UNREAL?

If you’re feeling stuck in the swamp of complaints, regrets, and self-pity, it’s time to step back, reframe your perspective, and adopt a solution-focused worldview.

In this article, we’ll explore why problems are universal, how rumination keeps you trapped in ego, and why focusing on solutions is the only way out and back to reality.

Everyone Has Problems – You’re Not Special

Let’s start with a hard truth: your problems aren’t unique.

Sure, the specifics might differ, but every human being on this planet has their own struggles, disappointments, and battles. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie where everyone else is living happily-ever-after while the universe conspires against you. It just feels that way when you’re stuck in a cycle of self-pity because of ego and a F.E.A.R (“False evidence appearing real”) of leaving the comfort zone.

These days, we often wear our problems like badges of honour – as if they set us apart from others or make us more interesting somehow. But constantly airing your grievances, wallowing in how ‘unfair’ life is, or playing the victim doesn’t make you special. It just makes you insufferable.

Here’s the truth: the universe didn’t single you out and poop on your breakfast trolley. There’s just poop everywhere. Everyone is navigating the messiness of life, whether they talk about it or not (and some definitely talk about it more than others).

Instead of using your struggles to justify self-pity or demand sympathy, try using them as a bridge for empathy. Everyone you meet is carrying their own invisible load, whether they show it or not. Understanding this can make you more compassionate – and less tempted to bore people with endless complaints.

More than that, it allows you to start shifting away from your problems instead of just focusing on them and allowing them to grow bigger and bigger (what we focus on grows so if we become obsessed with our problems, they just grow – this is why it’s better to focus on the solution and what we actually WANT).

The Trap of Emotional Attachment to Problems

Emotions are a natural and essential part of being human. Over the course of your life, you’ll experience everything from euphoric highs to crushing lows, and that’s perfectly normal. But here’s the problem: when you identify with your struggles – when you let them define you – they become much harder to overcome because you become ENMESHED with your emotions instead of letting them pass (and emotions are e-motion, energy in motion – they will pass if you let them).

Think about it:

How often do you find yourself stuck in a mental loop of “Why me?”, “How could this happen?”, or “What if things had gone differently?”

These questions might feel productive in the moment – because we often trick ourselves into thinking that worrying about something is the same as doing something about it – but they’re really just emotional quicksand. They keep you stuck in the past, blind to the opportunities of the present, and paralysed about the future.

The more you fixate on your problems, the heavier they become, and the more likely they are to linger; your mental baggage weighs you down, leaving you too encumbered to take meaningful steps forward. Life is precious, and every second spent dwelling on something unchangeable is a second wasted because worrying doesn’t change a single thing.

Why a Solution-Focused Worldview Works

Here’s where the shift happens: instead of focusing on the problem, focus on the solution.

A solution-focused worldview is about acknowledging that problems are a natural part of life, and then breaking them down into manageable pieces. It’s not about denying your emotions or brushing your struggles under the rug – it’s about facing them, processing them, and refusing to let them define you (and, really, they can only define you if you RESIST because – as Carl Jung said – what you resist persists).

Step 1: Accept the Reality of Problems

The first step is to accept that life is inherently messy – problems will arise, no matter how well you plan or how carefully you tread. Instead of railing against this reality, embrace it. Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity – it means making peace with the fact that problems are part of the deal so you can stay ACTIVE.

Step 2: Separate What You Can Control from What You Can’t

Not all problems are created equal. Some are within your influence; others aren’t. The trick is learning to differentiate between the two. Worrying about things you can’t control is like trying to row a boat with a sieve – it’s exhausting and pointless.

Instead, focus your energy on the aspects of your problems that are within your control. Break them down into smaller, actionable steps – a daunting challenge becomes far less intimidating when it’s divided into manageable pieces.

Step 3: Embrace and Process Your Emotions, But Don’t Stop There

Your feelings are valid, but they’re not the whole story. Acknowledge the emotions that come with your struggles – grief, anger, frustration – but don’t let them have the final word. Feel them, process them, and then move forward by transmuting the energy into the solution.

Step 4: Take Action

Here’s the most important part: do something. Action is the only cure for anything. You can’t think your way out of a problem – you have to act your way out. Even small, imperfect steps can lead to progress, and even the ‘wrong’ action will eventually teach you something (even if it’s just a better strategy) because action is always connected to reality beyond the ideas in our heads.

Progress, Not Perfection

It’s tempting to wait for the ‘perfect’ moment, the ‘perfect’ plan, or the ‘perfect’ circumstances to address your problems but perfection is an illusion and waiting for it will only keep you stuck.

Progress doesn’t happen all at once – it happens incrementally, one step at a time so keep taking the steps.

Think of it like climbing a mountain:

You don’t get to the summit in a single leap – you take one step, then another, then another. Some steps are harder than others; some might feel like setbacks. But as long as you keep moving, you’re making progress.

When you focus on your problems, you become too overwhelmed to take even the next small step; when you focus on the solution, you eventually find a way up the mountain.

Life Is Unfair – Be Fair Anyway

Life isn’t ‘fair’ (though this applies to all of us which is equal, at least).

It never has been, and it never will be. Some people start with more advantages, others face greater challenges and we all have our own FATE (the cards we’ve been dealt) to contend with. But fairness isn’t the point – how you respond to life’s unfairness is what matters so you can find your DESTINY (the choices you make about the cards you’ve been dealt).

When you’re dealing with your own struggles, it’s easy to forget that everyone else is fighting their own battles too – but they are. Some people suffer in silence; others wear their pain on their sleeves but no one is immune to hardship because life is hard for all of us at one time or another.

The best thing you can do is to be fair – to yourself and to others. Don’t let your struggles harden you as you cling more and more to the EGO. Let them soften you and make you REAL. Let them make you more empathetic, more understanding, and more determined to find solutions so you can keep building flow.

The Takeaway: Problems Are Inevitable, Solutions are a RAL Choice

Problems are a given. They’re part of the human experience.

How you respond to them is entirely up to you.

You can choose to complain, wallow, and let your struggles define you or you can choose to embrace a solution-focused worldview – accepting your problems, processing your emotions, and taking REAL action to move forward.

The universe didn’t single you out. There’s poop everywhere. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in the mess. Start solving. Start moving. And start living.

Stay real out there,

*Based on ‘Revolution’ number sixteen in Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness


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Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness

Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want. 

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A REAL conversation can change your life...

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Hi, I'm Oli Anderson - a Transformational Coach for REALNESS and author who helps people to tap into their REALNESS by increasing Awareness of their real values and intentions, to Accept themselves and reality, and to take inspired ACTION that will change their lives forever and help them find purpose. Click here to read my story about how I died, lost it all, and then found reality.

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