by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
Embodiment Means That Your Nervous System Accepts the Truth About Your REALNESS
Many of us live with the persistent sense that something is ‘missing’.
This feeling can haunt us even when life appears to be ‘working’ on the surface and so even when our ducks are lined up at the levels of career, relationships, and achievements there’s still often an undercurrent of restlessness in the form of a feeling of disconnection or a sense of searching for more without knowing what “more” actually is.
From the perspective of realness, this feeling isn’t a personal failure but natural reaction to an unnatural situation because one of the reasons so many of us feel restless is because we’ve become disconnected from the truth about ourselves.
In this state, we find ourselves living in the Void – a state of fragmentation where we’re cut off from our own essence and the essence of life itself.
Finding ourselves in the Void isn’t a condition that arises randomly – it’s something that emerges as a reaction to shame, guilt, and trauma accumulated over time – experiences that fragment us internally and create a constant tension between the ego and the shadow self and causing us to become divided against ourselves.
This article is about how to undo all of this through embodiment:
We’ll talk about how to truly embody something is not merely to understand it intellectually but to accept its truth at the level of the nervous system so that we can live, breathe, and express it naturally.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
Embodiment and Realness: What We'll Cover in This Article
- Embodiment Means That Your Nervous System Accepts the Truth About Your REALNESS
- The Void: When We Become Disconnected from Ourselves
- Returning to Realness Begins with Awareness of the Ego
- Awareness and Acceptance: Necessary but Not Sufficient
- What It Means to Embody Truth
- The Conditioned Self and the Unconditioned Self
- From Awareness to Embodied Trust
- The Power of Symbol: A Direct Path to Embodiment
- Practical Steps for The Embodiment of Realness
- The Final Word: Living Beyond the Void
The Void: When We Become Disconnected from Ourselves
The Void is the experiential consequence of disconnection from truth and can be seen as the state we enter when living according to unreal assumptions rather than reality.
Of course, nobody really ‘chooses’ to enter this state as it emerges as a survival strategy when we experience shame, guilt, or trauma and begin to develop protective structures.
The main protective structure that we create as a reaction to all of this emotional ‘stuff’ is the ego: a constructed self-image designed to avoid pain, maintain safety, and preserve a sense of control.
Even though this helps us to ‘survive’ whatever we might have been through, it’s a process that ultimately fragments us because the ‘parts’ of ourselves that feel unacceptable or overwhelming are pushed into the shadow self (despite them being REAL).
The end result of all this is that the ego constructs a version of who we believe we SHOULD be instead of who we actually ARE and then we then spend our lives attempting to maintain this image.
The just results in the internal conflict of the Void (the ego is really a character we play because we think the Void is real when it’s actually a disconnection from truth because of our judgement of it):
- One part of us seeks authenticity.
- Another part seeks protection.
- A third part carries unresolved emotional material.
- Etc. Etc. Etc.
This fragmentation creates a constant dance between ego and shadow and so we become even more disconnected from our essence as we live from outdated reactions rather than truth.
The feeling of emptiness, restlessness, or searching that many experience is not a mystery – nor is it just the human condition (as we often romanticise the feeling as being) – it’s the felt somatic sense of fragmentation over wholeness.
Returning to Realness Begins with Awareness of the Ego
One of the main ways we begin to undo the damage of the Void is by returning to our realness and this often starts with examining the ego.
(Which is why my coaching containers with clients are built around Awareness (Deconstruct Ego), Acceptance (Integrate Shadow), and Action (Embody Trust)).
The ego is not inherently ‘bad’ and you don’t need to ‘kill’ it because it developed for a reason (to help you survive) – it can start to cause a lot of problems in our lives, though, when we confuse what it shows us for reality and hold ourselves back from our own lives.
One of the reasons that the ego can hold us back is because it asks us to live according to unreal assumptions that are rooted in fragmentation instead of wholenes:
It does this by building a belief system to protect itself rather than to help us uncover truth and by encouraging us to maintain a particular self-image rooted in the past rather than the present.
In practical terms, this means:
- We shrink away from very real ‘parts’ of ourselves by misinterpreting them and sending them into the Shadow Territory.
- We avoid situations that threaten our (unreal) identity.
- We suppress emotions that challenge our self-image and supporting beliefs.
- We prioritise control over truth.
In doing all of this, we become closed systems and seal ourselves off from reality, growth, and genuine connection.
Thankfully, our realness can start to return when we become aware of how our self-image holds us back because when we see how the ego filters experience, it begins to loosen its grip.
Awareness and Acceptance: Necessary but Not Sufficient
Working with the ego and shadow is essential if you want to return to your REALNESS:
Raising Awareness is about deconstructing the ego and seeing its assumptions clearly so that we can start to recognise what is real and what is unreal (and once you see it you can’t unsee it which is why this is so powerful).
Developing Acceptance means integrating the shadow and allowing previously rejected parts of ourselves to resurface and become part of our conscious experience of ourselves.
These processes are effective because everything ultimately comes back to self-image and the fact that how we see ourselves tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
(This doesn’t mean that we can control everything or get absolutely everything we want from life but it means we can get out of our own way and see that we have way fewer limits than we may have been conditioned to believe).
When you change the self-image from unreal to real then life changes accordingly.
However, conceptual insight and understanding alone won’t produce lasting transformation and so to truly change, we must move beyond intellectual understanding and into embodiment:
What It Means to Embody Truth
“Embody truth” might sound a bit dramatic or over the top but all embodiment really means is accepting truth at the level of the nervous system.
First and foremost, this means getting to a state of regulation – i.e. allowing the parasympathetic nervous system to engage when needed so we are not trapped in constant fight-or-flight.
More importantly, it also means that our nervous system begins to trust reality more than it trusts the limitations of the ego.
This might initially sound abstract or impractical but it becomes a lot clearer when we understand that the mind and body are not separate systems but that they’re one (the mind-body):
The mind feeds into the body and the body feeds into the mind and so our beliefs shape our physiology, and our physiology reinforces our beliefs.
What this means is that when we live in a state of fragmentation, the nervous system reflects this state which means that the ego effectively ‘hijacks’ the nervous system and so – instead of reacting only to genuine external threats – the nervous system begins to treat internal experiences as dangerous too (when, really they’re not dangerous they’re just uncomfortable).
This is when:
- Emotions feel threatening so we resist them.
- Vulnerability feels unsafe so we hide.
- Truth itself feels overwhelming so we perform instead of being present.
When we’re not embodying our realness, we do this automatically because facing these things would challenge the ego and ask us to reintegrate the shadow and so instead the system resists wholeness in order to preserve its conditioned identity.
This is how the Void perpetuates itself and why we end up thinking that the Void is just “the way it is” (when actually it’s a resistance to what is).
The Conditioned Self and the Unconditioned Self
At the heart of this dynamic is a relationship between two versions of ourselves that are in conflict with each other:
The Conditioned Self
This is the version of us shaped by past experience, emotional wounds, and learned patterns.
It filters reality through the ego and its fragments and its primary concern is safety, control, and identity maintenance.
The Unconditioned Self
This is who we are as an experience of realness and isn’t constructed or something that needs to be defended and protected (because you don’t need to defend the truth – only your interpretations of it):
It’s open, responsive, and aligned with truth.
When the nervous system is dysregulated, it supports the assumptions of the conditioned self and perceives the return to the unconditioned self – the way ‘out’ of the Void – as a threat.
Embodiment reverses this relationship and allows the nervous system to recognise truth as safe so that we can rebuild on a solid foundation.
From Awareness to Embodied Trust
To become embodied, we can follow the process of Awareness, Acceptance, and Action again:
- Awareness (Deconstruct Ego): Discerning the real from the unreal at the level of our image of ourselves.
- Acceptance (Integrate Shadow): Allowing realness to become the default by no longer hiding.
- Action (Trust Self and Life): Expressing the truth about our essence (realness) through action.
This is embodied trust because rather than acting from fear, conditioning, or self-protection, we act from alignment with reality and so the nervous system learns to support truth instead of resisting it.
One powerful method for starting to shift gear and move in this direction involves the use of symbols:
The Power of Symbol: A Direct Path to Embodiment
Carl Jung observed that symbols have profound healing power because they bypass the analytical mind and communicate with the psyche at a deeper level thus allowing us to understand truth holistically and experientially rather than intellectually and conceptually.
Aligning with a symbol of the self in realness can therefore be transformative.
Essentially what this means is that when we choose a symbol aligned with our essence instead of the fragments and illusions of the conditioned self then we can create a new (more REAL) reference point for identity.
Instead of identifying with the ego, we grow into the symbol and this symbol replaces the ego as an unreal filter through which we engage with life.
Over the years, I’ve seen how this approach has really helped some of my coaching clients to embody truths they intellectually understood but struggled to live.
For example:
- One client working on assertiveness chose to embody the symbol of the Grizzly Bear which was grounded, aggressive (in a healthy way), and unafraid to take up space or take a place at the table.
- Another seeking to overcome the wounded inner child that was interfering with his adult life chose to show up as The Man – a stable, responsible, and present version of himself in embodied presence.
The specific symbol isn’t what matters here and it can literally be anything that WORKS for you – an animal, an archetype, a quality, or an image.
All that really matters is that it represents an awareness of your realness and allows you to go deeper into it.
Consciously using a symbol like this allows you to step beyond conditioning and unlearn the patterns that keep you from your essence/realness so that you can express it via real ACTION.
If you want to go deeper into overcoming the Void then check out Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace.
Practical Steps for The Embodiment of Realness
Embodiment is not achieved through theory but through practice and so it needs to become a consisent daily (ideally) habit.
The following steps can help you to start creating a foundation of regulated embodiment so you can identify with what is real rather than with the symptoms of the Void and the character (ego) you think you need to play within it.
1. Regulate the Nervous System
Embodiment requires a system capable of safety and openness and so nervous system regulation is absolutely essential.
Practices that support regulation include:
- Slow nasal breathing.
- Yin yoga (I do this with a lot of my coaching clients outside of coaching sessions because it’s so effective).
- Meditation.
- Somatic exercises.
- Time in nature.
- Consistent rest and recovery (giving yourself some ‘yin’ time so you’re not in ‘yang‘ energy all the time).
The goal is not constant relaxation but to learn flexibility and responsiveness so that you’re able shift out of fight-or-flight when appropriate.
The reason that all of this is important is that regulated system can accept truth without being shaken (as it has nothing to defend).
2. Raise Awareness of the Ego
Get into the habit of observing your reactions throughout the day (the free Thought Log tool on this site can help you with this):
- Where do you defend your self-image instead of being present?
- Where do you avoid discomfort because your nervous system has confused it for physical danger?
- Where do you shrink or perform instead of actually showing up?
Notice the assumptions behind these reactions and over time you’ll cultivate enough awareness to weaken identification with the conditioned self and step into realness.
3. Discern the Real from the Unreal
Ultimately, changing your life and overcoming the Void is about learning to discern the real from the unreal.
Keep this in mind as much as you possibly can:
- Is this reaction based on truth or fear?
- Is this aligned with my essence or my conditioning?
- Does this open me to life or close me down?
Over time, discernment becomes intuitive and you can start embodying the truth about yourself, the world, and reality as you overcome those old automatic reactions to things.
4. Choose a Symbol of Your Realness
Select a symbol that represents who you know yourself to be beyond conditioning – it should evoke strength, clarity, and truth and have a certain somatic ‘feel’ that is beyond just your mental ideas.
Let it represent the version of you that lives without fragmentation and use it as a filter throughout the day to see if you’re showing up in an embodied or disembodied way.
5. Embodiment Meditation
This is a powerful daily practice that can help you to create a foundation of embodiment and regulation:
- Sit comfortably and breathe slowly through the nose.
- Allow the body to relax.
- Bring your chosen symbol to mind.
- Feel into it at the level of its posture, energy, and presence.
- Let your body experience what it is like to be this symbol.
Most important: Don’t ‘think‘ about it with concepts – feel it as an experience.
Over time, the nervous system begins to recognise this state as familiar and safe and every time you do this exercise it’s like you’re ‘topping up’.
6. Act From the Embodied State
Embodiment becomes real through action and so eventually you’re going to have to start acting like the real version of yourself.
As you go about your day, ask yourself:
- How would this my realness respond to this?
- What’s the next REAL step forward?
Then act accordingly.
This rewires the relationship between mind, body, and reality and helps you to stay in the flow.
The Final Word: Living Beyond the Void
Ultimately, embodiment creates a new foundation for identity and allows you to get out of concept and into experience:
Instead of identifying with fragmentation, restlessness, or conditioning, you identify with regulated presence and realness which allows the nervous system to learn that truth is safe, openness is possible, and life can be met directly.
This dissolves the sense of searching that defines the Void and you no longer need to keep seeking for ‘more’ because you’re no longer disconnected from yourself.
You start to return to wholeness.
Embodiment isn’t simply a technique but a return to our natural state where awareness, acceptance, and action flow together as one integrated expression of truth.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to embody yourself in your real life then book a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you to start seeing yourself again.
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