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Excuses are a Short-Term Solution to a Long-Term Problem: Unreality.

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The REAL ONES don’t need excuses.

An excuse is really just a reality deflection device that we use when:

1) We don’t want to accept some sort of feedback from life and GROW through it.

2) We don’t want to accept some truth or RESPONSIBILITY about ourselves and face its consequences.

The thing about excuses is that people who make them are only FOOLING THEMSELVES.

In the short-term, it stops them from having to face the unresolved SHAME that the situation they’re making excuses about is triggering.

In the long-term, it only perpetuates and DEEPENS the hold that this shame has over them.

If you can’t remember, it goes like this:

1. Shame sends people into hiding because they get TRICKED into believing there’s something inherently ‘wrong’ with them.

2. They hide behind the mask of the ego and send certain ‘unacceptable’ parts of themselves down into the SHADOW TERRITORY.

3. When something happens that exposes the GAP between the unreality (ego) and the reality (the truth and the ‘hidden’ parts down in the shadow territory) then things get WEIRD.

Excuses are what happens when somebody is DESPERATE to avoid the truth about themselves and to defend all of the UNREAL ideas that stpp them accepting who they truly are.

The TRUTH is that in reality you don’t NEED excuses because when you’re being REAL you only have acceptance.

Why’s that important?

Because excuses are just the ego’s (futile) attempt to use unreality to defend unreality.

In other words, excuses are completely redundant – an attempt to uphold illusions with illusions to avoid short-term discomfort of EMBRACING and then DISSOLVING the shame that makes us want to hide in the first place.

Any time you find yourself or somebody caught up in an endless parade of:

“Yeah, but…”

“If only…”

“Cudda, wudda, shudda…”

Etc.

Then you can bet your bottom dollar it’s a form of RESISTANCE (to reality).

The REAL ONES don’t need excuses – they either ACCEPT the choices they made, EMBRACE the truth, or they OWN the screw up and take the lessons on board.

Step beyond JUDGEMENT (which is powerless without shame) and accept the truth:

WHAT’S REAL IS ALWAYS REAL.

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If You’re Scared to Say the Wrong Thing, You’ll Never Say the Right Thing.

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Growing real is the first step; expressing something real is the second.

How you choose to express you REALNESS is up to you:

-You can express it through your CREATIVE WORK.

-You can express it through the CHOICES you make about how to live a real life in an unreal world.

-You can express it through you BOUNDARIES and what you choose to say “No” to because you know your worth and so you live according to the holy mantra:

“GIMME SOMETHING REAL OR GTFO” (see Shadow Life – the second greatest book of all time).

What’s clear is that the more REAL you become, the more potency and power there will be behind your WORDS and ACTIONS and what they have to SAY to the world.

The reason for that is because – when you come from the REAL PLACE – your words and actions are beautifully ROOTED (in the truth) and so they can’t help but express something with a similar degree of force or potency.

A stumbling block that many people reach on this journey (of DEFRAGMENTING themelves and becomeing WHOLE again) is that they do the ‘inner work’ required to face themselves and start cultivating self-acceptance but that self-acceptance is still CONDITIONAL in that it is only expressed internally and not EXTERNALLY.

This doesn’t mean that you need to OVERSHARE every little thought, feeling, or vulnerability that floats across the debris of your stream of consciousness but it does mean that eventually – when the REAL, inner you meets the unreal, external world – you have a CHOICE to make.

Sometimes, for the sake of keeping the ‘peace’ in the short-term we decide to hide ourselves and what’s really going on long-term…

Sometimes, that’s fine because not every little detail of what we’re experiencing is interesting or relevant to the world (unless we’re SELF-OBSESSED which is just EGO).

Other times, we need to make the call and get over our fear of ROCKING THE BOAT by sharing or expressing who we really are.

There’s no point hiding something REAL because it will always come out in the end – you might as well CHOOSE your moment.

The only ‘right’ thing is the REAL one and if you fear saying or showing it to the world you’ll always feel like you’re UNREAL.

Unleash it.

I can help you help yourself grow real.

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A Lot of Miserable People Are Just Looking for Love Instead of Giving It.

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Everybody wants to be ‘seen’.

That’s just the way human beings are – they need to feel that they ‘belong’ and that the world understands them at some REAL level so that all of the pain and the BS of being born is WORTH IT.

What a lot of people don’t get, though, is that the easiest way to be ‘seen’ is to SHOW OTHERS that you SEE them…

When you can do that it shows that you can peek from behind all of the UNREAL ‘stuff’ or masks that most people are hiding behind and that you can take a place in the world that’s ROOTED in something REAL.

When people become lost and feel like they haven’t been ‘seen’ for a long time then they can start to lose their minds:

-They become bitter and malevolent, frustrated that the world is neglecting them.

-They start screaming out and acting out for ATTENTION because they think it’s the same as the love they feel is lacking.

-They put their walls up and turn their ego into a fortress to protect them from anything that goes against how they want to ‘see’ themselves.

-They start unnecessary DRAMA for the sake of pulling people into a vortex that might give them at least a glimpse of something real (buut rarely ever does because drama is always unreal).

The TRUTH is that any attempts to demand that the world ‘see’ you without opening your eyes and attempting to see it first are FUTILE.

“We don’t see the world as it is but as we ARE”

If you’re looking to be ‘seen’ without first seeing yourself then you’ll always be BLIND and the world will be filled with darkness.

To be REAL, you have to COMMIT to the TRUTH that what is WHOLE in one of us is whole in ALL of us because everything is connected and we share more similarities than differences.

If you want the world to ‘see’ you then you need to DEVOTE yourself to seeing what’s REAL about it – even when things get hard or when the world of ideas and fragmentation starts to SHAKE you from yourself.

Love and ACCEPTANCE are the same thing… Just because you don’t ‘see’ it or feel ‘seen’ doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The truth is the truth and is ALWAYS true.

Sometimes, you’ve just blocked yourself from seeing it but all you need to do is to open your eyes and GIVE it.

Work with me for four months and reach your goals.

 

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Refuse to Feel ‘Guilty’ for Growin Real.

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The only people who don’t want you to grow real are people that are UNREAL.

This is because being REAL is about unblocking ourselves from the matrix of our own BS – such as self-limiting beliefs, unreal expectations of ourselves and others, emotionally-distored perspectives, attachments to opinions blah blah – so that we can simply MOVE and grow through our own edge and go deeper into a relationship with the TRUTH.

Unreal people have FRAGMENTED and divided themselves within themselves and so they have attached to all this BS and even gone so far as to think that they ARE the BS.

When they see somebody doing the INNER WORK to flip the script and put their WHOLENESS out into the world – instead of allowing the world to suppress them and to EXTINGUISH the torch of the human spirit – a couple of things happen:

1. They start to lash out because the REAL QUALITIES that are being expressed in the REAL ONE trigger their ‘Shadow Stuff‘ and all of the real qualities they’re trying to hide from themselves for the sake of their EGOs start calling to them from beneath the surface of themselves.

2. They will try and TEST the REAL ONE to see if they’re as real as they seem to think they are… This is weird when it first starts happening but it’s a good sign as it means the unreal have seen your realness and can’t quite believe it.

These ‘tests’ will be about trying to SHAKE you in some way – just believe in your REALNESS and refuse to waver (there’s nothing to ‘worry’ about anyway as all they can give you is UNREALITY).

3. They will try and make you feel GUILTY and to force you into certain ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving in the world (based on ROLES they want you to play so they can keep their unreality’s hold over them).

Here, they will tell you what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ think/feel/do based – usually – on how it’s making them ‘feel’ (normally because they’re playing the VICTIM and trying to make you and them believe that somebody else is responsible for their emotional ‘stuff’).

You need to remember that all of this is just the WORLD trying to suck you back into its unreality.

Guilt is a useless emotion but reality is FOREVER.

Be unshakeable.

I can help you reach your goals and grow real.

 

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Reality is Never an Obstacle to Your Happiness; You Are.

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Stop letting unreality block your path.

People screw up their lives because they think that ‘reality’ is an obstacle to whatver they want.

The TRUTH is that reality is never ever an obstacle, barrier, or blockage because to get what you WANT – which is always peace of mind or ACCEPTANCE in some form or another – you always always always need REALITY to get it.

A lot of people think that being ‘realistic’ is DEPRESSING because it means facing all of the uncomfortable and BRUTAL truths about life – for example:

-We’re all gonna be dead one day

-Things don’t always work out

-‘Bad’ things happen to ‘good’ people etc.

That’s because there’s a difference between being ‘realistic’ and being REAL:

Being ‘realistic’ means observing the inevitabilities in life and accepting them as the end of the line.

Being REAL means observing the inevitabilities in life and accepting them as a SPRINGBOARD into new beginnings and the next version of whoever it is that you ARE.

In other words, when we get caught up in being ‘realistic’ we see the obstacles and limits of reality as BARRIERS to our growth; when we’re being REAL we see them as VESSELS for our growth.

Being ‘realistic’ is about treating your INTERPRETATIONS of life as the limits of your life… Being REAL is about understanding that all of these limits are just a tool for sharpening the sword of your TRUTH upon so you can go more deeply into life.

If you treat reality as being an OBSTACLE then that’s all you’ll ever get.

What you need to do is make a shift into ACCEPTING reality (and yourself) no matter what so that you can keep leaning in, keep pushing through, and keep growing REAL.

If you do that then one of two things will happen whenever you come up against an ‘obstacle’:

1. You’ll either find a way to CHANGE the situation by taking ACTION of some kind.

2. You’ll realise that you’re facing something taht actually can’t be changed and so you will become more ACCEPTING.

In both cases you will GROW MORE REAL (i.e. whole).

Reality is never a barrier to your ‘happiness’ – it’s always the FOUNDATION on which your happiness can be built.

The only actual obstacle to happiness is the RELATIONSHIP you have with yourself and your RESISTANCE to truth.

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If Your ‘Confidence’ is Based On Feeling Superior It Can Always be Taken Away

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There’s a difference between REAL and unreal confidence.

REAL is about KNOWING you’re unshakeable because you’ve found a way to be ROOTED in yourself and reality and devoted yourself to some TRUTH about life that’s ‘higher’ than just your limited ideas about ‘You’.

When you’re rooted to the WHOLE in that way you understand who you are and what life is (and the connection between you and live itself) and nothing can ever take that away. Never.

It can’t be taken because it’s not DEPENDENT on anything – it’s just about acknowledging what’s already there, riding those REALITY WAVES, and trusting and believing (trust that life has your best interests at heart and belief in yourself and your ability to handle whatever happens).

This kind of real confidence, then, essentially comes from doing the INNER WORK, and cultivating UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE (see my book Shadow Life which is about this).

“Unconditional Self-Acceptance” just means that you accept yourself NO MATTER WHAT and that you commit to working with and growing through whatever life flings your way.

When you take the opposite path – i.e. the EGO PATH – then your confidence isn’t based on unconditional self-acceptance but CONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

Whereas Unconditional Self-Acceptance comes from the INSIDE, Conditional Self-Acceptance comes from the outside.

Conditional Self-Acceptance (aka ‘Self-Esteem’) means that you’re feelings about yourself are DEPENDENT on the image you carry of yourself in the WORLD (even though the world isn’t real).

For most people, this shows up as feelings of ‘SUPERIORITY’ – for example, being able to see ourselves as being ‘better’ than other people in our group or surroundings because of some completely (usually) superficial and arbitrary quality or thing:

-Being the most handsome/beautiful/attractive

-Having more money/followers/likes

-Being the funniest/toughest/purest/whateverest

-Etc.

There’s nothing wrong with HEALTHY COMPETITION (Iron sharpens iron) but if you’re confidence only comes from external stuff it can NEVER last because CONDITIONS always change – somebody will always be more ‘superior’ eventually.

Step inside and stand on something REAL.

My coaching packages can help you find your real confidence.

 

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Everything You’ve Been Through Was to Prepare You to Be Real Right Now.

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There are many mysteries about this place (aka ‘The World’) but one thing’s for sure:

Everything that either happens to you or that you make happen is a TEST of your REALNESS.

We’re ALL real but we can spend a lot of our time forgetting it:

-Some will wake up to their REALNESS when they’re young (usually because of some trauma or some incident that causes them to DEVIATE from the unreal path society asked them to walk and get back into the REAL MODE).

-Some will wake up when they’re a bit older (either because they started asking QUESTIONS, because they went through a great LOSS of some kind, or because they had some kind of ‘spiritual’ experience that broke them out of their minds a little).

-Some NEVER wake up – even though their REALNESS calls to them from beneath the surface their whole lives long – because they don’t know how to LISTEN or because all of the NOISE in the head is so LOUD it drowns out any hint of ‘insanity’.

Regardless of if it does or doesn’t happen the immortal truth about ‘You’ is always the same:

WHAT’S REAL ABOUT YOU IS ALWAYS REAL AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

Everything you can want from life – the joy, the bliss, the creativity – it’s there waiting for you whenever you’re READY…. and the best thing is you don’t even have to DO anything except just allow yourself to be OPEN to yourself and the light you’ll find when you face your own DARKNESS.

Whoever, wherever, whatever you ARE, everything happens and can only happen when it’s READY to happen – whatever you’ve been through in life has just been a TRAINING GROUND for the moment in front of you RIGHT NOW.

All of the pain you might have endured; all of the doubts you might have had about yourself, the world, and reality; every moment of joy, every moment of release, every moment when you felt like you ‘got it’ and felt HIGH ON LIFE only for the world to creeep in again…

EVERYTHING you’ve been through has just been sent to you from the SHADOWS of yourself to CLEANSE and to TEACH you what you needed to know to be who you are RIGHT NOW.

The only CHOICE you need to make in the moment is this:

“Am I ready to be REAL or do I need to keep hiding?”

There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer.

 

If you’re ready to step into your realness get in touch with me about my life coaching packages.#

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Only Trust Them If They’re (At Least) A Little Crazy.

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It’s not the ‘crazy’ ones that you need to watch out for.

It’s the ones who think they’ve got all the answers and got it all ‘together’ that you need to watch out for.

The TRUTH is that all human beings are at least a LITTLE bit CRAZY because we all have chaos inside of ourselves, none of us know everything, and we’re all IMPERFECT in strange and BEAUTIFUL ways.

To be REAL and to be able to RELATE to others on the LEVEL then we need to ACCEPT ourselves unconditionally and that means embracing all of our darknesses and chaotic undercurrents – even if that might appear ‘CRAZY’ in the face of an UNREAL WORLD.

Being real is about ACCEPTING and EMBRACING the truth – beyond any ideas of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – and so that means that we know we’re on a journey of allowing those REALITY WAVES to purify us through the act of living which means bringing the darkness and irrationality that exists within us ALL up to the surface in service of life.

The BIG BALLS move is to go through this process as part of our personal JOURNEY of growing real by and doing the INNER WORK required to allow the darkness to come to light in the face of our own CONSCIOUS AWARENESS without judgement or duality.

The BAD BALLS move is to find a way to express what you’re LEARNING and going through on this journey out in the world around you with your CREATIVITY and the way that you use it to speak you truth in the world.

Or as we’ve said before – do this:

1. Live to uncover the truth.

2. Act on this truth (by sharing and living it).

To live in this real way means that you are not ‘OF’ the world – the world is just our COLLECTIVE ideas and limitations about life according to whatever TIME AND PLACE we find ourselves in but what is REAL about you is UNIVERSAL and TIMELESS.

When you come from that UNIVERSAL PLACE in a world defined by its time then, of course, you run the risk of seeming a little ‘crazy’ but that’s only because you’re not letting the prison bars stop you from being FREE.

If you meet somebody claiming they have it all together or doesn’t have any rawness or rough edges then RUN – not only are they hiding from yoou but they’re hiding from themselves.

GIMME SOMETHING REAL OR GTFO.

 

Get in touch with me about coaching if you want to bring your own ‘craziness’ to the surface.

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A Shout-out to All the Fake Friends, Haters, and Doubters for Making Us More Real than We Ever Imagined.

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The World isn’t reality but it can be used to TEST how REAL you are.

You might think that you’ve found something real or whole in yourself and that you’re ROOTED in a solid connection to the truth but every day something is gonna put your REALNESS to the test and see you’re fooling yourself or not.

The bottom line is that in an UNREAL world, the more real you become the more you’ll be tested – especially by UNREAL people.

Some will come with their best intentions and an ABUNDANCE mindset – in other words, they know that’s what’s good for one of us is good for us all and they’ll want you to GROW REAL and go even more deeply into yourself and your real potential.

These people are the REAL ONES too – real recognises real and so they’ll CALL YOU OUT on your own BS with love because they want you to maximise your potential and your capacity to be OPEN to life and all it has to offer.

When the real ones call you out or question you it’s precisely because they want you to GROW and because they can already envisage your next level if you just get out of your head and into the TRUTH about yourself.

We all NEED people like this in our lives – IRON SHARPENS IRON and TOUGH LOVE with good intentions can help you be more real.

Thankfully, there’s another kind of feedback we can get from the world which comes from UNREAL people – instead of wanting you to GROW, these people want to HOLD YOU BACK (because of their own EGO stuff, scarcity mindsets, and doubts about themselves PROJECTED OUT at you):

FAKE FRIENDS

-Say they want you to do well and smile on the surface of their lies but, secretly, they’re just keeping you close because they don’t believe in themselves but see something in you that they think will HELP them.

Really, they want you to FAIL, so they can keep believing their own BS and not have to TRY.

HATERS – hate themselves first and foremost and see in you what they’ve HIDDEN from themselves (in the SHADOW TERRITORY) and wish they could FREE.

DOUBTERS – Have never tried anything real because they never BELIEVED in themselves so they don’t think you should either.

THANKS and GRATITUDE to them all for showing us how to be real and keeping us in the zone.

 

Let me coach you if you wanna start pushing through and growing real.

 

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Don’t Waste Your Energy Trying to Look Like Something When You Could Become It.

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A reminder for those at the back:

The three most valuable things you have are your time, your energy, and your attention.

That’s because you’re going to be DEAD one day and so with every breath you take you’re getting closer to having none of those things left at all.

A general rule about life is what you CHOOSE to give these things to grows and so – if you wanna live your REAL life – you need to be conscious of where you direct these things.

Unfortunately (or not, actually), growing REAL often requires that we do some WORK.

We have to go through the process of raising AWARENESS about ourselves, the world, and reality and this means having to face some potentially uncomfortable truths.

That means that we eventually have to work to ACCEPT some things about life that we might not like so that we can take the necessary ACTIONS to deal with them.

Awareness -> Acceptance -> Action works every time (literally) but because it requires a FOCUSED control of our time, energy, and attention – which takes EFFORT – not everybody is down for it (which is fine – it’s your life so whatever).

The funny thing is, though, so many people who can’t be arsed doing the INNER WORK required to do WHATEVER they want with their lives waste just as much energy on UPHOLDING THE ILLUSION that they’re doing it:

-People who want to BE rich will instead waste energy trying to LOOK LIKE they’re rich (and wasting more getting in debt to do it).

-People who want to BE [cool/confident/courageous/etc] will waste energy trying to LOOK LIKE they are instead of actually working to push through their EDGE or whatever.

-People who want to BE successful will waste energy trying to LOOK LIKE they are by overinflating and overhyping themselves instead of actually doing the work and getting the RESULTS.

-People who want to BE in control try to LOOK LIKE they’re in control.

Etc.

Do you get the point?

All that energy people spend PRETENDING to be something could actually be invested in BECOMING whatever that actually is and their lives would be a lot happier and free of frustration.

The cure (as always) is to STOP JUDGING, ACCEPT where you are, then do the WORK to change it and BECOME REAL.

If you wanna grow real then get in touch with me about coaching.

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